Wolf-Woman
Chapter
11
What Will Become of Him?
Kag's P.O.V.
As I pull my canoe onto the bank and walk up between the bathing-tubs, the children fall silent. The women stand up straight and look at me, saying nothing. Their eyes are cold, their lips severe. I think of the light in Koga's eyes, and wish that I had not come back.
In Sesshomaru's house it is quiet as death. He is alone here in the dimness, and no one has changed the damp straw beneath his furs. He sleeps, lying on his back; his arms are clenched across his chest. His face is oily and wet with sweat; his hair clings to his head. Without a sound I sit by him.
Outside the children shout and play again, and I hear the talk of the women as they pour hot water into the bathing-tubs. I hear the words wolf-woman, spoken low, with hate.
Sesshomaru opens his eyes and looks at me. He has aged twenty summers in these past few days, and his hair is streaked with grey. He says nothing.
"My lord, is there anything that I can do for you?" I ask.
"Give me my sword," he says.
I move back from him a little way, and I can hardly breathe for fear.
His lips pull back on his teeth, and I do not know whether it is a smile or a grimace. "Not for you. For me," he says. "Bury it deep in my heart, Kagome. I cannot live like this."
"I cannot do that, my lord."
"Neither will that whining woman I have got myself. Neither will my useless sons. Nor will Taki or that bloody surgeon with his saws and knives. By the gods, Kagome, what will become of me?"
I bend my head, and look at the tattered edges of my skirt, where the wolf cubs have torn it. I have no answer for him.
"Are you deserting me, like all the rest?" he asks, suddenly furious.
"I will stay, if that is what you wish," I say.
"What I wish! Oh Kagome! What I wish is that I could roll back nineteen summers, to the harvest-time when I first saw her, all fair and slender in the yellow field. Is our wheat ripe yet?"
"Yes, lord. It will soon be harvest."
I get up, wet a cloth in a pitcher of cool water, and wipe his brow for him.
"Wipe all my face," he says. I wipe his face and hair, and take his hands one at a time and wipe those too. His skin is pale, his nails bloodless like bone. I have never touched his hands before; the feeling is strange to me.
He sighs deeply. "You are more true to me than any of them," he says, very low.
"They blame me for your trouble," I say.
"I know what is true, Kagome. Akaru told me that words that went between you and Kagura, that night I searched for you. I know she lied. I have told Takeda and the priest, but they think my mind wanders. Beware, girl. The clan holds you not in it's favour."
"It never did, lord."
"It holds you less in it's favour now. Look to the man Inuyasha; if he desires you, marry him. It will release you from our clan, and take you to his. His father has three dark-heads for slaves, and treats them well, I hear. He says they are of more worth to him than twenty cows. You will not be an outsider there."
"I have other friends, lord, to whom I can go."
He opens one eye and looks at me, sideways, as Kouga did. "The wolves, Kagome? You would risk returning to them?"
"I am better acquainted with them then you know, lord."
The skins are flung aside in the doorway, and Takeda comes in. I move aside, and he goes to Sesshomaru and pulls back the furs.
"Who neglects this man?" shouts the healer. "Where is his wife?"
I rush outside to look for Kagura. I find her with the other women, scrubbing the backs of the men as they sit in the tubs. She jests them and blushes at the things they say in return. She looks angry when I disturb her happy work. But when Takeda sees her he shouts words so full of fury that she hangs her head.
I hide behind the house that shelters our animals at night, for I want to be alone to think. But, though they are hidden from me by the wooden fence about our village, I hear the young people still laughing in the fields beside the wheat, and thoughts of Inuyasha struggle with my thoughts of wolves.
My new-found serenity is blown away by Sesshomaru's words about the pledge-son. Only a short time past, all I yearned for was the peace in wolves' company. Now I think of Inuyasha's mouth and throat and hands, and a madness takes hold of me.
For three days I do not visit the wolves. I am busy looking after Sesshomaru, for Kagura has deserted him. She gave him back the golden cup, and returned to the house of her parent's and family. He spat when she left, and told his sons to smash the bowls and cups she left behind, and to tear her weaving from the loom.
I am teaching Sesshomaru's youngest son to care for him. Akaru is devoted to his father, and learns quickly. I show him how to make medicinal tea for pain, and how to crush roots and seeds for poultices.
Takeda comes often, and does not approve of my teaching the boy.
"Look after our chieftain yourself," he says to me, early one morning. Sesshomaru has had a pain-racked night, and I am making medicine for him from freshly gathered wintergreen. I have comfrey flowers in it, too, for healing the bone. The boy Akaru is helping me, his round face frowning and solemn.
"Akaru is capable," I say. "He is almost as old as I was when you taught me which plants to give to Rin. He can look after our lord. Besides, I am not always here."
"So I have noticed," he says. "You are already in trouble, wolf-woman. Do not make matters worse by seeking refuge in dangerous and forbidden places."
Akaru looks at me, his eyes huge and full of questions. I take the bowl of medicine from his hands. I pass it to Takeda, and the healer sniffs it and nods his approval. He gives the drug to Sesshomaru, then says to me: "Will you be here to help with the harvest?"
"Of course," I say. "Everyone always helps with the harvest."
"Everyone, except this man you crippled," he says, and goes.
I am looking forward to the harvest. It is the high time of our summer, when everyone labors in the fields to bring in our ripened wheat. When the work is done, we feast for a night and a day, and offer thanks to the gods that the harvest is safely gathered in and stored. It is the one time when, amid all the celebration and toil, the clan forgets that I am not one of them.
I would look forward to it more eagerly if I though a friend would work in the field alongside me. Inuyasha has not even glanced at me these past three days.