A/N Firstly I want to thank everyone that had reviewed, favorited, or followed this story. It means so much as a first time writer and I just wanted to say thanks! I was suffering from some serious writers block with this chapter, but I think it came out okay. I went a completely different direction with it than I originally intended, but it works. Then next 5 or 6 chapters are going to have a lot of drama, but some cuteness as well. I really want to speed up the time gaps between chapters but I'm struggling with it. Oh well. Here is the next chapter, enjoy!
I own nothing as usual and all mistakes are my own!
"What's up with you ladies tonight? Any big plans for the night?" Kurt asked us walking up to my locker where Mercedes, Quinn and I were standing.
"Not sure. Our girlfriends seemed to have disappeared today so I haven't had a chance to talk to Britt about any plans." I replied. Quinn just looked awkwardly down at the floor. Weird.
"Well halt everything. All six of us are going to the arcade tonight for some good quality bonding."
"Alright Hummel is there a guy you want to see at this arcade or something because I think we all know the only reason any one of us have ever been in an arcade is if there was someone hot working there." I think we all saw straight through that one, but I was the only one who would call him on it. Kurt just blushed, which confirmed that there was a guy involved. Predictable.
"You know me too well Lopez. His name is Peter and he is super cute. Completely my type. We have to go."
"Fine Kurt we'll go with you. But you have to convince Rachel and Brittany. I don't know about you Quinn, but I was planning on spending some time with my girl. Our one month is this weekend." Again Quinn just looked awkward.
"Yeah…um I don't think Rachel and I had any plans." I'll have to remember to ask her why the hell she's being so weird. Her and Rach have been together for a whole month already and they had both always been excited about seeing each other. It was a little nauseating, but definitely better than whatever was going on right now. I couldn't believe it had been a month though, but it was amazing. Four weeks went by really fast in high school actually. It was only like one date every weekend and us doing 'projects' in my room during the week. It felt like yesterday that Brittany was the new girl in Spanish class.
"How is it that Santana got the guts to ask Britt to be her girlfriend before you asked Rachel Q?"
"First of all San here was forced into asking Brittany out, she's still a pussy. Plus, whatever Cedes. No need to tease me about it." That was probably angrier than it needed to be. Not just the usual attitude, but actual anger, or more like frustration.
"Excuse me there was no forcing! I was going to ask her out that night anyways. This is why I don't like telling you things Q." I said even though Quinn and Mercedes both ignored me.
"That was not teasing. If you want teasing, I can do teasing."
"Please don't. I'm not sure what happened there, but trust me I still have more game than Lopez."
"I still think that's debatable. We've been dating for nearly a month and I've barely seen any of this so called 'game'." Rachel said walking up to the group with Brittany following closely behind. "Plus, from what I've heard from Brittany, Santana has quite a lot of game." At this I had to blush. I wasn't sure what Rachel knew, but she knew enough for me to be embarrassed. But I don't think Rach actually meant this as a joke. Usually it would have been funny and Quinn would be fighting back, but they both just seemed distant.
"Guys! I have a serious problem over here!" Kurt chimed in. "You guys all need to come Saturday to help me out. I need all of your super dating powers. Between the two of you, you've had enough dates for half the school."
"You've what?" Rachel and Brittany asked simultaneously. I'm guessing Quinn was still getting to telling Rachel about her dating past. Q and I talked about it a few times, but we decided no matter when the conversation happened, it would not go over well. And from the looks we were getting, our guess was right.
"Oh this is awkward. You haven't gotten to discussing the exes yet, have you?" Kurt asked before grabbing Mercedes by the arm and dragging her away while yelling "Good luck!" back at us.
"It looks like we have some explaining to do." Quinn said attempting to avoid the glare Rachel was giving her and ease some of the tension. She should really leave that to me because she sucked at it.
"Yes you definitely do. What exactly did Kurt mean Santana?" Brittany asked me, giving me a similar glare to the one Quinn was receiving.
"About that. I meant to tell you. Quinn and I don't exactly have the best… reputations around here."
"So we gathered." Rachel said clearly still angry although I think she has been angry since she walked up.
"Well mine actually isn't as bad as Santana's is…" Quinn said trying to make herself seem better, but I will not be going down alone.
"Do not even go there Fabray. You know yours would be a lot worse if the school knew about any of your dates! Plus it's not like your reputation was squeaky clean when you still dated guys."
"Okay children, you two are not capable of having this conversation as a group. So we're going to go somewhere else." Rachel said angrily grabbing Quinn by the arm and dragging her off down the hall somewhere. I didn't exactly want to have this conversation in the middle of the hallway either so I grabbed Britt's arm and pulled her into an empty classroom nearby.
"So what the hell San? Were you ever going to tell me, or were you just casually forgetting to tell me about your past?" Shit, I was in a lot of trouble with this one.
"I promise I was going to tell you, I really was. There just isn't exactly a perfect time to inform someone about having this kind of past history with relationships."
"Just explain it please. It can't possibly be that bad."
"Oh but it can. I'm well sort of known as the school slut. It's not nearly as bad as everyone thinks or says, but it's not exactly an unfair description."
"What exactly have you done? Because I've heard the rumors about you, I just chose to ignore them and label them as the usual high school gossip."
"Well most of what you heard is probably true. I've hooked up with all the guys; I just never went as far with most of them as what they told people."
"Oh…" Was all she said as she sat down on a chair nearby. It was kind of a lot to take in, but it's not like I was telling her I had an abortion or anything. Everyone had a history, mine just happened to be a little worse than other peoples'.
"I promise it's not as bad as it sounds. Yes I've hooked up with a lot of people, but almost all of them were at parties when I was drunk. I was just being stupid."
"What about all the people that everyone says you've had sex with?"
"People say that? Damn. I knew the rumors were bad, but…just damn. It's all a lie. I've had sex with the one guy I told you about in the woods, but that's it. I'm not innocent, but it's not like any of it ever meant anything to me. They were stupid hook ups, like I said."
"That doesn't really change anything. You still hooked up with all those people." Brittany said looking a little hurt and a little confused. I didn't know what to do. It's not like I could just make this go away, it's my past. There's really nothing I could do about it at this point.
"I was stupid. I can't change it now Britt."
"I know, I know. Look I'm not angry or anything if that's how it seems." Which it definitely does. "It's just… I don't know, a lot to take in I guess. If I was telling you this, you know you'd have a hard time taking it in too."
She was right. I'm not exactly the ideal person to start a relationship given everything that I've done, but I was really hoping that we could just move past this. I took a seat next to her and let her take a few minutes to process everything. Her expression changed multiple times, working through all her emotions I'm guessing, before she finally spoke.
"I'm still not exactly okay with this, but I like you. A lot. I'm trying not to let this affect anything, but I can't help it. Just give me some space to think everything through."
I wasn't sure where this left us, but I wasn't going to start questioning her or what she was saying. If space is what she needed than I would give it to her.
"Hey, don't give me that look. I'm not leaving I promise. I told you I just need to think about this." There she goes again reading my mind.
"I'll hold you to that." I said chuckling a little bit. It was only than that I realized the bell rang already and that we were late for class. I was really thankful that we happened to walk into a class that wasn't being used this period.
"By the way happy one month." I said nervously not really knowing if that was what she wanted to hear right now. But I had to say it. It felt like so much longer than a month and she was really special to me so if I have to risk getting her mad to say it then whatever.
"I'll see you at lunch?" She said. I just nodded defeated as she kissed me on the cheek and walked out of the room.
She didn't say it back and I honestly don't know what to think about that. It's not like I'm allowed to be mad at her right now. I knew that I would be thinking about her and every possible outcome of Brittany 'thinking' until she was done having her space. All this was going to do is make me more stressed. Sucks for everyone else.
Brittany still hadn't texted or called me, which meant that her thinking was taking longer than it should. I get it, I really do, but she couldn't at least send me a text with an update. Spending Friday without her was already torturing me, but I can't do it tonight too. Plus we're all supposed to go to the arcade with Kurt.
It's was our one month anniversary yesterday. Well technically, if we're going by dates I think our one month is probably Monday, but it was 4 weeks since our first date. That's big to me. I need to know what she's thinking now.
One ring. Two rings. Three rings. I'm beginning to think this is – "Hello?"
Shit she answered. "Hey Britt." I said weakly into the phone praying she doesn't get mad for me not giving her space.
"Oh hi Santana." Not even a nickname, great.
"Judging by your tone is it safe to assume you're still angry with me?"
"I told you I wasn't angry Santana." Yupp, still angry. "I'm just dealing right now."
"You're dealing angrily about something I can't change." Now I'm starting to get frustrated. I don't know what she wants me to do.
After a few seconds of silence I sighed and spoke softer into the phone. "I'm sorry Britt and I'll do anything you want me to so I make it up to you, but you have to tell me what you want."
"I just… I don't know Santana. I don't know why I'm making this into a thing when it doesn't need to be. It's just like hard to take in and it's making me jealous and I have a thousand different emotions about this."
"You have no reason to be jealous. I don't want anyone else and the person who did all that wasn't the person I am now. Just ask me questions, tell me how you feel. I want to make this better."
"If you were that person once, who had random hook ups and no relationships, who says you won't get bored and be that person again? How am I supposed to trust you if you're at a party without me or something?"
"Britt…ask any of my friends how much I talk about you or how much I ridiculously like you. You're pretty much all I talk about. The idea of me ever getting bored with you or doing anything that would hurt you is completely insane. It's not even close to being possible. You need to believe me when I say that I've never liked anyone as much as I like you. From day one you're all that I've thought about and no one will ever come close to you."
"San you know I feel the same way, but after everything with Michael…"
Shit I'm a complete ass hole. I totally forgot about everything with him. Of course she was worried about all of this. "Brittany I swear to you I will never hurt you like he did. I'm not like that and I'm sorry if hearing about everything in my past worried you, but I told you that you deserve the best and I meant that."
"You know you really have a way with words sometimes Ms. Lopez." She laughed into the phone. Well at least she sounds like she's forgiven me.
"I was being serious. No word play about it."
"Well when you put it like that how can I stay mad? I was really just overreacting; I should have talked to you."
"Anytime you need to talk through something, I'm always here. Just don't shut me out. It makes me think the worst when you do that."
"From now on I know. And I think we've just survived our first fight."
"And on our one month none the less. So does this mean you and Rachel will be joining us for our arcade adventure tonight?"
"Hmm…as much as I would love to I think it's going to end up being just you and Kurt. Quinn and Rachel are having issues and Rachel has been locked up in my room all day while Quinn has been trying to find her and explain. It's about to get pretty messy."
I know exactly what this is about too. Looks like tonight Kurt and I are going to have to deal with her. "Oh damn. Mind if I call her right now?"
"No please, see if you can resolve this. It's getting on my nerves."
"I'll call you tomorrow than?"
"You better." She said laughing into the phone.
"Bye Britt-Britt."
"Bye San."
As soon as I hung up the phone I was off to Kurt's house so I can pick him up and head over to Q's. I sent him a text before I left the house.
I'm coming to get you right now. We have to abort mission tonight. Q's having a breakdown over you know who. Damage control – S
I got a quick message back, but couldn't check it until I was stopped outside his house.
Oy not this again. I'll be ready. Honk when you're here – K
I did as I was told when I got there and then we sped off to Quinn's house, ignoring her no friends over rule. Saturday nights usually meant her parents were golfing at the country club anyways.
I rang the doorbell, but after no answer I started to pound on the door figuring Quinn was locked up in her room.
"What the hell do you want?" Quinn said answering the door.
"Don't give me that shit Fabray. Britt told me you and Rach were having issues and as your best friends we're obligated to know what, or more precisely who, this is about. We've come with ice cream." I said holding up the container. I could see Quinn's face immediately drop after I was done talking. I was surprised she didn't kick me out right away.
"Girl you're a mess." I heard Mercedes say as she walked up behind Kurt and I standing at the door. I texted her to get over to Q's too.
"As much as I want to get yelled at or comforted by you ass holes, I'm not in the mood right now."
"Bull shit. Let us the hell in." Kurt said moving past Quinn and into the large mansion.
"You have no choice Q. We're your best friends; it's in the job description."
We all marched upstairs into Quinn's bedroom, Kurt taking the corner chair while the three girls plopped down onto the bed. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I was the first one to speak of course.
"So are you going to start or would you like us to?" I asked.
"San could you at least try and be sensitive?" Kurt asked me. But I think we all know that's not my thing.
"No San's right. We all know why we're here so I'll start." Quinn started pulling all of our attentions toward her. "It does have to do with her but not in the way you guys are probably thinking."
"Do elaborate." Kurt said clearly as confused as Cedes and I.
"Well it's like; you know how everything went down with Kate and how much of a fucking mess I was afterwards right?" I think we all remember that one. She wouldn't speak for like 3 days and all she did was cry. We were all getting screamed at during soccer practice and even her parents called me to see what was going on. We all nodded to show our understanding. "Well why Rachel and I are fighting is because I got really scared and kind of made myself distant on our last date. She demanded I tell her what was going on, but I didn't really want to explain everything with Kate."
"What does this exactly have to do with Kate?" Mercedes asked.
"I was thinking about how much I fell for Kate and then I compared it to everything with Rachel and it scared the shit out of me because I'm falling harder for Rach than I ever did with Kate."
"I'm lost. Isn't that a good thing?" I asked her.
"Yes, but I didn't think about it like that at first. My first thought was if I liked Kate less than Rachel and I was that destroyed when she hurt me, what happens if Rachel hurts me? I don't think I can handle that. I just got myself together to get into a relationship for the first time in like forever and I don't think my heart could handle another end like the last one."
"Q you can't think like that. All you'll end up doing is hurting yourself and pushing Rachel away." Kurt said. It puzzles me how the one without a relationship can always be the most insightful.
"I've already done that! She won't speak to me because she insists that I'm hiding something from her."
"Technically you are. Have you thought about just telling her?" I suggested.
"What am I supposed to say? Sorry I had my heart broken when I was 15 and now I'm broken and physically incapable of having a relationship without fucking it up?"
"At least it would be accurate." I said bluntly.
"Santana! Stop speaking please." Kurt scolded me. "Quinn listen to me sweetheart. You need to tell her something. Just explain what happened with Kate and why you panicked. I'm sure she'll understand. We all know she adores you, she won't be mad."
"You're right. I need to just tell her. But she won't answer her phone and I have no idea where she even is right now."
"I can help with that! Britt told me that Rachel's been hiding out all day at her house. I'll take you there right now."
I didn't think about the fact that Brittany might get mad at me for telling Quinn where Rachel was until after we were in the car already.
"Here we are." I said as I pulled up to Britt's house.
"Are you going to come with me?" Quinn asked getting out of the car.
"Umm…yeah I guess so." I'm already walking on thin ice with Britt, but she did tell me to help resolve things.
Knock, knock. Quinn and I stood awkwardly waiting for the door to be opened and I found myself praying, again, that it wasn't Britt's parents. Especially now that they knew we were dating. Eventually I knew I would have to meet them, but I've avoided them so far.
"Santana?" Brittany said answering the door.
"I brought company, and before you get mad, I promise she means well and won't cause any more problems." I said pushing Quinn out in front of me.
"This better work Santana. Otherwise Rachel is actually going to kill us both."
The walk up to Britt's room was quiet and I was nervous for Quinn. I was hoping that Rachel didn't like start throwing things when we walked in.
"Rach?" Britt said walking in the door of her room. "Quinn's here."
"Please don't get mad. I'm here to explain. I promise everything will make sense."
"I'm not promising I'll understand, but you can try at least." Rachel said angrily.
"Here comes another long explanation which I'm sorry about, but it's a long story. Back during the summer between eighth grade and freshman year I fell really hard for this girl Kate. She was going to be a senior and she was like, well me two months ago. She never had relationships, always just one night stands and stuff. I had just learned to accept that I was gay so having my first crush on her was like a big thing. I bumped into her at the mall one day and gave her my number. That was back when I actually had game and didn't trip over every word like I do now."
"Can you just get to the point?" Rachel said harshly.
"I'm getting there, just listen. We dated for a while until one day she just stopped answering my calls. I called her like a thousand times before I finally just went to her house. When I got there her mom told me that I was to never speak to her daughter again. Apparently her mom saw us somewhere and was transferring Kate to another school and sent her to one of those stupid 'gay away' camps. But she was my first love and it hurt after two months of none stop seeing her for her to just be gone. Her mom said some really awful things to me and they really hurt. It's part of the reason I'm so afraid to come out to my parents."
"Okay cool you had your heart broken. That's nothing compared to what happened to me and you know it."
"I know, I know. Trust me I feel like an idiot and I was overreacting because I got scared. I was scared because I feel so much more for you than I ever felt for her and it scares the shit out of me. After Kate I locked myself in my room for like two days and I wouldn't speak to anyone. That's when I swore off feelings and relationships. I didn't want to ever be heartbroken again. It's stupid, I know. But that's the only explanation I have."
Rachel just sat there completely unimpressed with what Quinn said. I shot a look over to Britt to tell her that I was sorry for everything this morning and I get that she was afraid. I knew she understood what I was saying because she nodded.
"Listen Rachel, I'm not saying this to get you to forgive me, I'm trying to be honest right now. I know that where this is leading is me falling in love with you. I'm not there yet, but I know it will at some point. We're going to last for a long time, I know it, and I want that with you. I'm okay with it now I just needed a day or two to be okay with putting my heart out there again. So can you please just say something?" Quinn was now squatted down so she could be eye level with Rachel, pleading with her.
Rachel just leaned forward and softly kissed Quinn attempting to tell her she felt the same. I walked over to Britt and did that exact same thing hoping that she understood that I felt the same way that Quinn did.
When she kissed back I could feel that all four of us would be lasting a long time, but we still had to get through the rest of high school first.
A/N If anyone has any ideas about what there next dates should include I'm open to hearing about it! I hope you guys liked this chapter more than I do. Review please(: