I just want to say a big thank you to luciferthewolf and horsegirl2430 for your reviews on the last chapter :) I feel like I'm going to disappoint you both because there's quite a lot more to this story already, and after your comments ... maybe Sam and Gabe will survive a year apart. Maybe not. Or maybe this is the light at the end of the tunnel ... or maybe I have another bunch of chapters where they continue almost getting together but not quite getting all the way there and I'm one giant tease. Whichever way it is, I'm sorry x
Sam finally understood it, the connection that Dean had with Castiel. Not that he had any in-depth discussions with either of them, but his time with Gabriel was enough to convince him.
John was barely sleeping at home, even on Christmas Eve. At first, Sam had his bed to himself, and then slowly, Gabriel started moving his things into Sam's room, eventually crawling into his bed at night, and staying there. Mary didn't say a thing about the fact that they were back to the set up from the last year, although Sam did see her watching them often. When she caught him, she would smile, and turn around, but he knew it wouldn't last for very long before she was back to watching them.
He managed to keep his hands to himself in the day, when they would sit together and Gabriel would test him on his coursework so far - Gabriel really was insisting that he kept working towards becoming a lawyer - or when they would talk quietly with their heads bent together, Sam looking at the way his brown hair tangled into Gabriel's golden tones. Gabriel would tell him about all the places he'd been, all the things he'd seen, and he'd probe Sam too, for friends and for memories. Like they were getting to know everything about each other. Sam would twine their fingers together, knock their knees together, and try to shrink down to Gabriel's height.
And at night, when they were sure everyone else was asleep, they would crash together, make up for lost time, kissing and touching each other the way they had been wanting to for months.
This was what he had been missing with Jess and Madison. This connection that went deeper than even he was able to comprehend. This burning need to just be with someone, all the time, and not get annoyed at the lack of personal space.
Gabriel taught him things. So many things. Beyond the obvious, beyond what he had asked for the first day they met. He taught Sam what he liked, what he didn't, what his limits were. And he seemed to want what Sam did, just as much as Sam did. They would lay together in the aftermath of whatever it was they had been doing, panting hard and holding each other close. Sam would pepper Gabriel's face with slow, sloppy kisses, while Gabriel would lay there, looking at him like Sam was so precious, and rare, and beautiful.
But it had to end. Sam knew it did, he could feel it coming. The night before he had to leave, and go back to college, Gabriel's mind seemed to be somewhere else, even as he gave Sam an earth-shattering blowjob. It was only as they laid together, slowly calming down, that Gabriel spoke, and Sam wished he never did.
"So, you're back to school tomorrow."
"I head back tomorrow. It takes me two days."
"I'll miss you."
Sam swallowed hard. There wasn't even a hint of doubt in Gabriel's voice that they weren't going to see each other. And he knew that Gabriel would continue to trawl the globe, he had never asked for Gabriel to stop, but he still wished that he was enough for Gabriel to change his mind without Sam having to plead.
"Where are you planning on going this time?" he whispered.
"I don't know. There's a flight going from New York to Paris tomorrow. Or for fifty dollars less, I could go to LAX and get a flight to India."
"Tomorrow."
"Nah, in a couple of days."
"If you went to India," Sam tried to sound casual as he wound a finger into Gabriel's chest hair. "I could drive you there? LA isn't so far away from me. And we'd get two more days together, in my car. Just you and me."
"Or Dean could drive me to the airport and I could fly to New York."
"I guess it depends if you want to go to India or Paris more."
Sam was trying not to take it personally, but it was hard. Surely it should have been a no-brainer?
"I want to go to both."
"Fifty bucks and me if you go to India. Could put the money towards another camera."
"Yeah," Gabriel said softly.
"What are you thinking?" Sam pushed, dropping a kiss onto the edge of Gabriel's chest, feeling his heartbeat thudding softly through his lips as he did.
"That I was ready to say goodbye to you tomorrow and now you're tempting me with another two days. And knowing you, there'll be reasons to stop along the way. I'll miss the flight. Then you'll suggest I stay in your room a few days, until another deal comes along, and … Sam, I don't want to keep pushing it back."
"Even if I promise to just drive. One stop over on the way, just for the night. Straight to LA. I'm not going to stop you going, Gabe."
Gabriel started stroking his shoulder softly, but didn't say anything more. Sam decided not to push any further, and just hope that when it came to loading the car in the morning, Gabriel would be throwing his backpack in too. His eyelids started to close, and he cuddled into Gabriel's chest.
"Sam? Can you promise me something?"
"Depends what it is."
"When I go, when you're back at college? You don't pine for me. You date people if you want to, or not if you just want to concentrate on your studies. But you do it for you, not because of me. A year is a long time to wait."
"I know."
"And if someone hits on me when I'm out there, I don't want to feel guilty, like I'm cheating on you."
"How about we have a rule? If we see each other, we're back on, if we don't, we're not."
"Could you deal with that, Sam? You're only nineteen."
Sam gave his chest a small nip.
"No referring to my age, old man."
"I mean it, Sam."
"So long as I get this when I see you, it'll be fine. I know what I signed up for with you."
Gabriel was silent for a long time, once again. And though Sam's eyes were closed, and he kept his head on Gabriel's chest, he wasn't able to go to sleep, too concerned with what the silence meant.
"Goodnight, Sam," he whispered eventually. Sam stayed still, listening as Gabriel fell asleep. He didn't think he would be able to, not if this was the last night they got to spend together until the next Christmas. He supposed everyone else thought the same as Gabriel, that he couldn't handle the pitfalls of falling for him. He knew what his mothers glances meant, knew that she was thinking of his break up with Jess, and the way he withdrew at the end of senior year. She blamed Gabriel, however welcoming she was. Dean and Cas had watched them too, when they weren't caught up in each other, or the book that Castiel was now getting published. Sam supposed they felt the same way as Mary, that Sam was running headfirst into heartache. And maybe he was, Sam acknowledged as sleep started to overcome him. But even if that was true, the good moments made the bad completely worthwhile.
Gabriel woke up in his favourite place on the planet. Sam's arms. He was really going to miss them in the next year.
He was still torn, the way he had been the night before. Torn between the urge to go with Sam, to explore the adventure of dating a college kid with a permanent residence, or going away as soon as possible because he knew the goodbye was inevitable.
Sam had amazed him. Sam always amazed him, true, and throughout the break when he had tested Sam on his schoolwork he barely had a clue what they were even saying to each other. But it was the way Sam had handled the idea of Gabriel going away. He hadn't tried to talk him out of it, hadn't gone on and on about what America had to offer. He hadn't talked about the things they could do if Gabriel stayed, or pushed for the idea of taking him to catch that flight in LA. And Gabriel knew he wanted those things, was dying for Gabriel to stay with him.
Gabriel was finding that he was dying to stay with Sam too. He wanted more time with him, to call himself Sam's boyfriend, to actually go on a date. Maybe that had been Sam's plan, some kind of reverse psychology that would mean Gabriel would demand he stay at Sam's college, indulging in the tall, gangly man-child he was falling hard for. But it seemed too ruthless and manipulative for Sam.
He knew what his decision was. What his decision was going to be the moment he realised there was a plane ride that would give him time with Sam. But he was still scared to bring it up, to see that moment of unrepressed joy pass over Sam's face only to crush it at the airport nearly two days later.
And then Sam stirred, and Gabriel did his best to put his game face on, to look like he too had just woken up. Sam gave him a sleepy kiss, on the side of his chest near his armpit, and Gabriel wanted to groan. In frustration, in a bout of passion, he wasn't sure. Possibly both together. But Sam was already talking, his voice slow and sluggish from sleep.
"I'm going to miss waking up with you."
"Me too, Sam." Gabriel spoke quietly. And while Sam wasn't looking at him, he dropped the bombshell. "But we can still do that tomorrow morning."
Sam tensed on him, and relaxed almost immediately. Gabriel braced himself, trying not to picture that adorable face as he understood what Gabriel was saying.
"So, India?"
"Like you said, I can spend the fifty dollars on a new camera. Or a motel room for us tonight."
"Sounds good."
"Your mom and dad are okay with this, aren't they?" Gabriel checked. He realised too late that maybe he should have consulted them first. Even if Sam were in college, his mother was still clingy, his father … actually, Gabriel had barely seen John. Which he supposed was a blessing.
They climbed out of bed, pulling their clothes on, and headed down the stairs, where Mary was making waffles. Sam slid into a seat and pulled a small stack towards him, as Mary gestured to Gabriel that she wanted to talk to him in the other room. He followed her through to the laundry room, where she shut them in the enclosed space. Gabriel hopped onto the dryer and waited for what she had to say. But she didn't seem to have anything to say, she merely looked at him until he was too uncomfortable and had to break the silence.
"So, gonna miss Sam and Dean when they go back to college, huh?"
"Gabriel," she dismissed his question. "You're the only member of Castiel's family he's still in touch with. I can appreciate that, and I know you mean a lot to him. And knowing that you've helped to raise Castiel in the last few years means that I'm aware that you're a good person. Sam certainly seems to think so."
"Well, thanks."
"But," and that was the word Gabriel was waiting for. Mary didn't break stride. "You didn't see my son after you left last year. Didn't see him withdraw, didn't get any of the fuss he did over your relationship. I have spent months worrying about my Sam. If you hurt him, or lead him on, or … or"
She bit her lip, and Gabriel felt awful. Sam had mentioned nothing of struggling without him, not beyond merely missing him.
"Mrs Winchester. Mary," Gabriel tried to pick his words carefully. "Sam is one of the smartest, kindest, most aware people I've ever met. And I don't get why he likes me either, but he seems to. And I do like him back, of course I do. I don't think I deserve him, and I know you're going to agree with that. But I've told him, and I'm sure you're going to agree, that he need to stay at college. Becoming a lawyer is important to him, I know that. I don't want to be a distraction for him any more than you do. But when he's graduated, I do want to be with him. If that's okay with you."
Mary looked at him with no real expression on her face. He waited for the fallout.
"I'm choosing to believe you mean that."
"So, I can still date Sam?"
She continued looking at him, like she was appraising him.
"Would I really be able to stop either of you? Sam seemed determined to stay away from you this year and yet the moment he saw you … just look after my baby's heart."
Gabriel nodded, and Mary walked out of the room. He slumped across the dryer, arms folded. Mary might not shout and strop the way that her husband did, but she knew the way to cut deep, without even using many words.
Sam woke up, feeling disoriented. It took him a moment to remember that he was in a cheap motel room, naked and pressed up close to Gabriel, halfway between Kansas and San Francisco. It felt strange, like he wasn't supposed to be there, even though his mother knew he was driving Gabriel, knew what there was between them. She knew what was going to happen and let it happen.
He wanted some kind of proof, some evidence that Gabriel was real. A picture that wasn't in black-and-white, grainy and under some kind of homophobic slur. Something to just get him through their time apart. He reached across to the dresser beside the bed where his phone was charging, and removed the lead in order to try and take a photo of Gabriel snuggled up close to him. He took a few shots, before he realised that Gabriel's eyes were open. He carried on taking pictures, hoping that Gabriel would go back to sleep, looking at each picture as it was snapped. He saw Gabriel smile, his expression still clouded with sleep, and then Sam felt a gentle hand cupping his chin, felt himself being turned, and carried on hitting the shutter button as Gabriel kissed him, trying to get as many photos as possible before the inevitable. Gabriel pushed the phone away, sliding his hand up Sam's arm until he could push the phone out of Sam's grip, twining their fingers together and shifting his weight to pin Sam down.
The air in the car was loaded. It had been for the two days that Sam had been driving, both of them trying to anticipate the impending goodbye. Sam hadn't asked for Gabriel's number again, and instead had tried to pick neutral topics. Their brothers, what Gabriel was going to do in India, what Sam was going to be studying. But there were hours where it was silent between them, and Sam decided to pretend that Gabriel was asleep, forcing himself to concentrate on the road.
The airport signs began before Sam was ready, but he forced himself not to panic. He was playing the long game, the one where he didn't chase Gabriel off with pressure so that he got to see him again. He pulled up at the drop-off point and looked across at the passenger seat. Gabriel was watching him intently, his expression giving nothing away.
"We're here." Sam said redundantly. Gabriel's expression didn't change. Sam cleared his throat. "What time is the flight?"
"A few hours. They'll start putting me through soon."
Sam nodded, and Gabriel leaned forward quickly, catching Sam's chin in a gentle hold and kissing him softly. Sam's mouth moved, following Gabriel's lead, but Sam's mind was on the fact that this was going to end soon, and he wasn't going to be able to show just how much it was killing him to say goodbye again. He wanted to enjoy their kiss, knowing it was the last bit of contact they would have before he would have to wait another year for him, but he couldn't do it. The impending farewell was weighing on his mind too much. And then Gabriel was pulling away, looking into his eyes, stroking his thumb against Sam's chin.
"It's been fun, these last two weeks with you." Gabriel gave a ghost of his normal smirk.
"Yeah," Sam nodded, although he hated that Gabriel described it as 'fun'. He was serious about Gabriel.
"It won't be that long," Gabriel carried on. Sam was the one to merely look at him this time, unsure what he could possibly say back. At least last time, he had been spared this agony. But then last time, had he felt this strongly? He forced himself to say something, to not be so completely useless.
"Look after yourself, okay?"
Gabriel smiled properly that time, and Sam pressed another kiss on him, determined to embrace this one properly. But it didn't last long, and then Gabriel was climbing out of the car, reaching into the backseat for his rucksack, shouldering it and closing the door gently, before walking over to the airport entrance. Sam watched him go, watched him walk through the automatic doors without looking back, and he didn't look away until Gabriel's now-blurry figure blended into the shadows of the crowd. He pulled out his cellphone and scrolled through the recent pictures, the ones he had taken that morning, savouring them as much as possible before he closed his phone and restarted the engine, forcing himself to drive the rest of the way to college without looking back.