Megan smeared war lines on her cheeks with Artemis' black eyeliner and donned a camo baseball hat for what she called "an inspiring speech."
Really what it was was Megan entailing all of the pranks they had pulled so far and how she planned to break the pranking cold war that had been going on for the past couple days.
"It's the Armageddon of pranks." Megan said seriously, and then threw the state of the art water gun at Artemis.
She caught it before it hit her chest.
"So suit up." Megan commanded and then brightened a little. "and smile, this is going to be fun."
Artemis grumbled a few incoherent curse words, dumped the water gun on the floor beside her bed, rolled over, tugging the covers over her head, and went back to sleep because it was five in the morning.
Besides bedazzling the boys bedroom wasn't Artemis' idea of an Armageddon of pranks.
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On Thursdays Artemis was at her busiest. Since her comparative literature class didn't meet on Tuesdays, which was fine by her, they basically had to forfeit their entire Thursday to fit in two four hour sessions of the class.
Normally Artemis wouldn't complain. She loved Ms. Lance's classes and they normally left her feeling a little more insightful than usual but today they were literal torture. It had been a week and three days since Wally had asked her for her help and she was no closer to deciding on an answer.
She had actually found herself carefully and seriously considering what she should do, which turned out to be horrible for her conscious because she couldn't bear to think about the heartbreak it would cause Megs and she couldn't look her in face or text her or do anything with her without thinking about what a bad friend she was being by even thinking about Wally's offer.
On one hand she shouldn't even be considering it, she couldn't purposely stop her best friend from dating Conner if Megs really liked him. Artemis had a creeping suspicion Megan did have a crush on Wally's tall brooding dorm mate. Plus good friend 101? Honor the girl code, you can't go for your friend's crush and Artemis felt dirty for even sparing so much as a second glance in Conner's direction.
But Conner was friendly in contrast to herself, talented and super attractive. And Wally really liked Megan. So if pushing Megan in Wally's direction opened up the possibility that Conner would be single and date-able (!) she couldn't complain. Then there was the fact that Wally was a pretty good guy when he wasn't doing explicit things with Linda Park in the dorm's kitchen and that he and Megan probably would be a good couple.
Artemis rubbed her temples.
She had been avoiding Wally all week to prolong the inevitable and Dick also had turned out to be fully on board with the plan which was a pain because she had to avoid him too. Wally and Dick were like the terror twins, which she called them to their faces more and more often, but they insisted they were strictly the dynamic duo type.
She fished her phone out of her backpack, took a deep breath and send him a quick, simple text.
No.
Within seconds her phone vibrated with a response.
I waited a week for that. Not impressed, try again.
Artemis ignored the text, snapped her phone shut and tried her hardest to pay attention to what Ms. Lance was saying. She hoped class never ended and she could be stuck in this blissfully endless limbo of reading, not having to worry about Wally's response.
But in roughly two hours she would be forced to go out and get some lunch before the next class picked up again later in the afternoon.
She had never dreaded 11:00 o'clock more.
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Her plan was to dodge and evade. If Wally never caught up with her he could never talk to her about her decision regarding pushing him and Megan together. She was fully prepared to lose his friendship if it meant not betraying Megan's trust.
So when Ms. Lance dismissed them she was first out of her seat and door. She was also the first to run into a very bored looking Wally. Like full on running into, the collision and everything.
Her books went flying everywhere in the fashion of a totally clichéd romantic movie and she bended down to pick them up. He didn't bend down to help her. "Aren't you going to at least help, baywatch?" She snapped at him. She wasn't sure if she was more annoyed at herself or him because obviously dodge and evade doesn't work when the person you're trying to ditch waits outside of class for you.
"That depends on if you help me." Wally said, his eyes light and amused as he watched her struggle to pick her things up.
Artemis let out an aggravated sigh and counted to ten so that she didn't disembody him in front of her entire comparative literature class. "You're imaginary relationship with Megs is not my problem." She managed through gritted teeth.
He shrugged easily and gave her a small smile. "Well you're falling books aren't my problem." She counted to twenty.
The counting doesn't help at all. "They are when you're the one that fucking barreled into me and made me drop them in the first place." She managed to get all of her books back into her arms."See how I did that myself Wally. Because you didn't help and it was my problem?"
Her tone doesn't sound any less murderous then it usually does but somehow there is a shift in the air. The tension seems to have amounted to quickly and Artemis is high on adrenaline. The playfulness is gone from his stance.
"Artemis how am I supposed to compete with Conner?" His tone softened and he gave her a more pleading look. Her heart found its way up to her throat.
She smoothed down her skirt and pursed her lips. "I'm sorry Wally." She said shaking her head, "I can't – I just can't help you." Her voice cracked a little because for some reason she was completely upset that she couldn't help poor heartbroken Wally with his puppy eyes and desperate love sick voice. She turned on her heel and marched away as fast as possible.
"I know you like him!" Artemis turned right back around and stormed up to him. She narrowed her eyes and grabbed the collar of his shirt to pull him down until he was eye level with her which was actually pretty hard considering the fact that he was six feet exactly and she stood just a little over five foot six. "How," She spat, jabbing her finger into his chest as hard as she could and possibly breaking it because she didn't account for the fact that he was like five hundred percent muscle, "Do you know that?"
He gave her a positively angelic look. The gears in her mind turned furiously, she had never even so much as confided in someone that she liked Conner. After a few moments Wally looked offended, "I'm not dumb Arty-"
He ignored her snap "Don't call me that".
"I spend enough time with you to recognize when you have a crush on someone. My point being is that if you help me you'll be clearing the field for yourself too because Conner will stay single," He wiggled his eyebrows in a disgustingly suggestive manner, "and ready to mingle."
She was pretty sure she puked a little in her mouth. "Okay, first of all ew." She said, "and second of all I could never do that to Megs."
Wally pulled a box of cereal out of his backpack and handed it to her. "I could never do that to Conner either." He promised and Artemis looked curiously at the cereal.
52/108 apology boxes -dick
p.s. Library 6:30 pm sharp, come alone.
Artemis rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to make a sly comment to Wally but he was already gone.
Artemis shoved the note into her pocket and decided that Lucky Charms for lunch must at least have some nutritional value.
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Wally was lounging at one of the back tables at the library, using one of the chairs for himself and unorthodoxly another as a foot stool. Dick had perched himself on the table clawing through a book about computer engineering.
Artemis pulled out the chair opposite Wally. She slid the note across to him and he cocked an eyebrow like a cool, perfectly calculated James Bond villain.
Dick intercepted the note, "ask Megan." he said, inspecting the note before handing it back to Artemis.
She furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head a little bit. "what?"
Wally picked at the his fingernails which was apparently his signature nonchalant gesture. She could tell he was buzzing with energy still. "You think helping me will weigh heavy on your conscious?" It wasn't so much a question as a statement.
Artemis bit her lip and nodded anyways.
"Then ask her how she feels about Conner." Wally said. Dick grabbed her phone from the pocket of her maroon varsity cardigan and pressed it into her hand. If he wasn't studying technology Artemis was a hundred percent sure that Dick would be a pick pocket.
"Call her right now and ask." Dick urged. "If she likes him we'll stop bugging you, if she doesn't you have to realize all you would be doing was trying to set up Megan and Wally- last time I checked matchmaking wasn't a dick move."
She ignored his pun, and searched both of their faces for a moment before she punched Megan's digits into her phone at a painstakingly slow rate.
Wally's foot tapped impatiently.
Dick drummed his fingers against the table.
Artemis hit call.
The phone rang three times before a breathy Megan picked up, Artemis took a deep breath. "Hey Megs sorry to bother you –."
Megan cut her off in a perky but firm voice, "You're not bothering me at all, what's up?"
In the space it took a breath she shot a quick sideways glance over to Wally. His arms were crossed, his face smug. "prove me wrong." he seemed to say. "prove me wrong, tell me Megan does like Conner."
She swallowed hard and pushed the words out of her mouth. "I'm just wondering how you feel about Conner." She picked at the hem of her skirt, the question was too vague. "Like do you like him or?"
Megan squealed a bit. "Oh my god you totally like Conner!" Her voice raising three octaves higher like it did whenever she was excited.
Artemis grunted a nondescript maybe and Megan's squeals only increased in volume. "No that's so cute, you two would honestly be such a cute couple." Megan's voice lowered a little as she got serious. "I don't like him Artemis, I mean yeah he's hot," Megan laughed, "But I don't know I just don't know- any crush I may have isn't serious at all. Go for it!"
Megan squealed at supersonic levels and then apologized to someone for being so loud.
"Where are you?" Artemis asked ignoring Wally's impatient look.
"It's sushi night silly!" Megan reminded her and Artemis bit her tongue to keep from making a faint noise of remembrance. Megan had arranged a sushi night with their floor a couple days ago that Artemis had turned down an invitation for in fear that she might run into Wally there before making her decision.
"Right, so then I should leave you and your uncooked fish." Artemis joked, Megan laughed diplomatically and managed to not lecture Artemis on her distain for the food. Instead they exchanged their goodbyes. Artemis hit end.
"So?" Wally prompted, Dick leaned closer to her.
"I'm in." She said after a few beats, Wally let out a long breath.
Dick beamed. "Excellent." Wally got out of his chair and pulled her in for a hug. It didn't quite work because she was sitting down and he was standing and naturally he was almost five inches taller than her already.
"I knew I could count on you." He practically sang, Artemis tossed his arm off and elbowed him lightly trying to keep the smile from spilling onto her face.
I'm only doing this because I like Conner and Megan doesn't and if you like her I could help you maybe get a chance with her." Artemis said suddenly very serious, effectively killing the playful mood. Both the boys straightened out and nodded at her solemnly. " It wouldn't kill her." She put a lot of emphasis on the last words as if she wasn't sure about them yet and Wally grinned.
She didn't ask him to hug her again even though for some reason she sorely wanted him to.
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It's nine at night when Artemis gets back from an effective three hour plotting session of how to get Megan to fall in love with Wally that he has (unfortunately) decided to call 'operation Megan-licious".
She fitted the key into room 22's lock and wiggled the door open. She reminded herself to get some grease for the hinges.
"Artemis." Megan groaned from her spot on the floor, slumped against the wall. Artemis threw the keys on the desk by the window and came immediately to her best friend's side.
"What's wrong Megs?" She asked fighting the urge to check for vitals because if Megan wasn't perky than she had to be dying or something.
Megan threw her head back and groaned, "Sushi Thursday was a disaster."
Artemis laughed quietly. "That's because it should be Taco Thursday or Sushi Sunday, you can't have the best of both worlds."
Megan shot Artemis a glare disarming it with the small smile that played on her lips. "Shut up." She said mock punching her friend. "I think I gave food poisoning to half the people in the building.
Artemis didn't bother pointing out that food poisoning was pretty much a given If you try and feed raw fish to people that came from a restaurant at the end of the block that advertised how cheap it's sushi was. The words cheap and raw fish were never a good combination. Instead Artemis patted Megan's back and said, "I know just what will cheer you up."
Megan perked up immediately.
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When Dick and Roy made it back in their room at eleven at night after catching the latest football game in Conner and Wally's room they found that every last one of their personal items had been bedazzled.
The only thing that hadn't been was a note on Roy's bed that said 'Armageddon.' They didn't understand why Megan had signed it "courtesy the girl who gave food poisoning to the floor below yours" and Dick was the only one who understood that Artemis was "the accomplice to the terror twins".
But they both knew the pranking cold war was over.
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Dick sent Artemis a voice mail at three in the morning that was over half an hour long on why he was strictly the dynamic duo type.