Chapter 11. Arrival

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

*J*A*S*P*E*R*

When Bella had asked me where Alice was, I wanted to bury myself in a hole. A deep fucking hole where pretty, little human girls didn't rightfully question your own love and fight for your supposed partner through life in the immortal coil.

I was kidding myself by thinking she would have never questioned it. Of course she would have wanted to know where her best friend was. But at the same time, I wasn't really dwelling on thoughts of Alice, because I had been...distracted. Distracted by a psychotic bitch and the very thing I had thought to kill at one point because I had put the blame on her for my own failed relationship. How the tables had turned.

But when she asked, I prepared myself for the tears that would arrive when I told her that Alice was gone. What I did not prepare myself for was the scorned and pissed off woman who sat beside me.

I felt it. I felt all her anger, her confusion, and just how horrified and appalled she was. What surprised me, though, was when I realized she wasn't angry because of the loss of her friend. All of it was directed towards Alice because she had abandoned me. It almost left me speechless. Almost.

I knew that all that anger, all that fury, was finally coming out in response to my proclamations about Edward to her. It wasn't just for my sake that she was finally blowing a gasket. She was accepting that Edward was gone and their relationship was over. That one event, that birthday party, had changed the course of both of our lives. Hopefully for the better.

It took a lot out of me to hold it at bay, and not absorb it into myself. The last thing I needed was to lose my temper. All the negative emotions of anger and hostility were swirling about the car, and I absorbed them all. But, not just anger, she was disgusted with Alice.

I had started to get a little angry, myself, when she asked me if I fought for Alice. She had been very blunt. But I had to appreciate it. Bullshitting around always left me aggravated.

I didn't fight for Alice. I let her go. Only because I believed it would not have swayed her decision to leave. But, I was a fighter, and it left me wondering why I gave up so easily. I realized that just maybe, maybe my love for her wasn't strong enough.

The thought shook me, and it left me staggered.

Of course, being the asshole that I was, I had to go and compare her anger on my issues to the lack of anger in the demise of her and Edward's relationship. Then, that anger was directed towards me. I didn't want any part of that shit. Alice and Edward could have that shit. And she told me to watch my mouth. I almost made a crucial mistake by reminding her of that beautiful proclamation - "Go fuck yourself, Victoria." - that she herself had uttered.

I wasn't a dumbass when it came to women, I would be the first to admit I was a pussy. Reminding her of that would have put me right in the middle of a shit storm I wanted nothing to do with.

I had a very improper thought as she had chastised me for my use of words: Bella was beautiful, but even more so when she was angry. She had dark eyes that could pin you into submission, and high cheek bones stood out beneath pale skin; that was flushed because her blood pressure had risen. Her hair a blanket of brown silk, and the light from outside emphasized the scatters of red in the palette. Her bottom lip was still a little fat. Her mouth slightly opened as she breathed. For an instant, her beauty enthralled me. I saw myself taking my hands and grasping her upper arms, pulling her forward and inhaling her sweet breath, and taking that lip with my teeth and biting it. But, not hard.

I took that thought and put it where I put everything wicked. It was not welcome.

When I told Bella the reasons why I let Alice go, she had become guilt-ridden. That had pissed me off. How in the hell could she have thought that it was her fault? All she did was open a goddamn present. There was no way would she take the fault away from me. It was all mine, and I didn't like to share.

Bella had told me that Alice lied, and that she was still having visions. I didn't even need to read Bella's emotions for the truth. It left me distressed. It made me think back to when Alice had told me she was leaving. I never questioned her. I hadn't bothered reading her emotions to look for a lie. And that pissed me off.

Why did she have to lie? The only thing I could come up with was she believed she would have something better, where she wouldn't have to worry about her a mate slaughtering innocent bystanders. A better life. And that was why she left, she had just said so in so many words. She did deserve it, I would give her that.

She just didn't want to exist with the son of bitch that was Jasper Whitlock any longer.

Quit feeling sorry for yourself. You always knew that happiness for you was too good to be true. Isn't that right?

I knew I would get nowhere thinking about it, so I thought about Edward instead.

He was fucked in the head. I knew the son of a bitch didn't believe he had a soul, which was the reason he would not turn Bella, because he didn't want to damn her. But that son of a bitch never figured out that if he had no soul and if he did die one day, he wouldn't have fucking cared because he wouldn't have been able to fucking think or feel. There would just be nothing. There would be no sadness and there would be no pain. There would be nothing.

I didn't believe it. I believed in Heaven and Hell and the afterlife. And I believed I was damned because there was a purpose for me on Earth. But while I might have deserved Hell, I had always secretly hoped that God would give me some credit for trying, if I ever truly died.

Why did he have to fucking break her like that? It pissed me off to no end. Edward and his fucking self-righteousness.

Those pussies that came out of the Victorian Era needed their fucking heads adjusted.

I was dead set on pulling his fucking legs off for running away from her like a little pussy. Edward was going to pay the price for his disregard of her feelings and her safety.

I tried to keep my chaotic thoughts about Edward or Alice at bay, and I thought about how I was going to handle the Victoria situation.

Peter had agreed to help. And if all went well when I told the family about him and Charlotte, then he already knew who would be showing up the following day. But of course, it hadn't surprised him one bit, nor did the history behind it. Peter and I had a comradeship that had developed into one of lasting friendship while we were in Maria's army, and I was ashamed because we really didn't see each other as often as I would have liked.

But Peter's specialty in Maria's army had been reconnaissance, because he had a knack for it.

And a gift for it. Peter didn't have a scent. A birth defect he suffered from when he had been human carried over and became something else when he was changed. With no scent, he could go anywhere, undetected if he moved correctly. But Peter had another gift, I just didn't quite know what it was. The fucker just knew shit. It was a power of perception, but the truth was I really didn't know what the fuck it was. Peter was Peter.

I wasn't entirely too sure how the family would react to what I had planned, so it was best to have the discussion before we went up to Peter and Charlotte's the following day. I expected that the biggest argument would come from Carlisle. I knew would have to choose my words and actions carefully for things to work out.

Bella had a hard time sleeping during the last three hundred and fifty miles of the drive. She had constantly tried to toss and turn in the seat. Most of the time She had a screwed-up look on her face and cried softly. At one point her head began to twitch, and her neck was at a funny angle to begin with. Her heart rate picked up and at some point I realized she was dreaming, and having a nightmare.

I put my hand on her arm and sent her a large wave of calm and lethargy. She quit moving and her normal heart rate returned.

My gift was a blessing, and sometimes it was a curse. Where I could give others peace, sometimes I couldn't give myself peace of mind. I could just absorb others' feelings of peace and contentment when I couldn't create my own. Sometimes it made a great substitute for the real thing, but not always.

I sympathized with her. I had always been glad that one of the curses of the immortal life was the inability to sleep. To sleep would mean to dream; and in dreams, nightmares are born.

I had lived the nightmare. I even was the nightmare.

She deserved a dreamless sleep.

When we crossed over the border of Oregon, I was getting ready to call and see where I was supposed to meet Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie when my phone rang. It was Carlisle.

I flipped it open. "I was just getting ready to call you. We just made it into Oregon."

It was silent for a moment before he spoke, and when he did, he was forlorn, and upset.

" I have some news, Jasper. We need to talk privately."

"She's sleeping. What is it?"

"I've been keeping in touch with Billy Black. He's a friend of Charlie's, and Bella knows his son, Jacob. I called to see if Charlie or the authorities involved have had any luck in locating any information pertaining to us, and if they had come across anymore vampires. They found a body, Jasper. A girl; four miles north of Forks in a tributary off the river. The girl..what's left of her, fits Bella's description to a T. Her body was severely maimed and her face was unrecognizable. They think an animal did it. Her injuries coincide with an animal attack, but the wolves know better. The state authorities took her in for autopsy and identification of remains. Jasper, they told Charlie what was found and to expect the worse. Charlie...Charlie had a heart attack, Jasper. He died."

"Jasper?"

"I'm here."

"Jasper, Renee and Phil are already on their way to Forks. Billy Black is having them picked up at the airport. I told him of our plan for Esme and I to watch them while they were in Florida. Billy volunteered to have them cared for. They'll protect them while they're in Forks. I called Esme. She was getting ready to take her connecting flight out of Nashville. I had her cancel it, and she's taking a flight to Boise later. She'll be here later tonight."

"I'm going to tell her. I can't sit on this, Carlisle. She won't be making any phone calls now."

"Jasper, what about Renee? Charlie is gone, and she thinks her daughter is, too. Or, if they identify the body quick enough, she'll still be missing." Carlisle's tone was stressed.

I couldn't argue about it. There was no fucking way she was going to be calling Renee to lie and say she ran away with her boyfriend. What the fuck was he thinking?

Our tracks were covered, and I was going to make sure they were There was no way in hell I was I even going to ask for such a fucked-up thing, and neither was anyone else. I would have been putting her through hell soon enough. I tried to stay calm, but I failed miserably.

"Carlisle, there's no fucking way I'm going to let her make that call, do you understand? And there's no way in hell you're going to ask her, either."

"Jasper, do not speak to me that way. Of course, I won't ask her to do that. Not now. But, Bella wouldn't want her mother to think that her daughter could be dead with a father that just passed away with the thought. It's going to tear Bella apart, Jasper, but we need to find a way to let Renee know that her daughter is alive and safe. This is hard, for all of us. But, for Bella? Her life will never be the same again."

"I'm sorry, Carlisle, I just...I don't know what we should do."

Bella was starting to stir.

"We'll figure it out later. There's still time. I'm going to order her some tranquilizers, and maybe a mild anti-depressant. I'll go pick them up as soon as possible. How much longer until you think you'll arrive?"

"I don't know. I'll be there as soon as I can. I'll bring her soon."

I was drowning in dread, and sinking to the bottom of a pit.

"We'll see you soon, then. Take care of her." Carlisle hung up.

I couldn't put this off. We were just getting ready to pass a scenic overview that was just off the interstate. I exited off the interstate and parked the car.

She hadn't woken. She was sleeping peacefully. I pushed some hair that had fallen forward in her face, and I ran my fingers through it, pulling it back.

I didn't want to do this, but I had to. I was supposed to protect her, not break her. All my dread, all my grief, and all my fury had built up to the point of ruination. But I had to remain calm, for her.

"Bella, wake up." I gently prodded.

She opened her eyes and blinked a few times. She stretched and grimaced; and after a few seconds, she sat herself up. She winced from being sore and stiff.

She looked out the window. "Wow, it's really beautiful here. Where are we? How long...have I been asleep?" She yawned out.

I shifted in my seat, and looked out my window. "We're in Idaho. I figured you might need to use the restroom and get up and stretch for a bit. We're almost there." I looked over at her.

There was no doubt she could see the blank look on my face because that was what I was trying to show, but she looked a little worried all the same.

Hold it together, Jasper.

"Okay, yeah. I do need to go." She started to open the door.

"Wait a second, Bella. Don't stand by yourself." I got out of the car, and went and helped her out. She was managing pretty well on her own, though. I walked her up to the door and she went in.

I saw a table by the ledge of the mountain that we were on, looking down into the valley onto the river below.

I waited by the door until she came out. She looked at me inquisitively and smiled a bit, because I took her hand, and I walked over towards the table. I turned to face her.

"Jasper, what's wrong? What's the matter?" Her voice was stressed, and she was starting to panic.

My face, fuck it all, could never hold anything back. Dread was all I was feeling, and there was no doubt it was showing up on my face.

"Bella, there is no easy way to do this. I'll give you whatever you need. I'll help you, if you want it. Just tell me what you need."

She swallowed hard. Her eyes were starting to swim. "What is it? What's happened?" She whispered.

Goddamn, someone will pay.

"Bella, they found a body north of Forks. She looked like you. They think an animal killed her. They took the body in for identification, but they think it's you. Charlie thought it was you."

"Oh God, Jasper! I have to call him! I have to call him now!" she yelled, frantically. She started looking around like mad. I grabbed her by her arms and held her still.

"Bella, it's too late. They told him it was most likely you, and that was it. He couldn't take it. He had a heart attack, Bella... He died. I'm so sorry."

I caught her when her knees buckled.