Changing From Within
Chapter Eleven
Advantages
The rest of Saturday passed in a blur. I went back to the Slytherin common room after seeing Neville off back to his dorm. Once back down stairs, outside the Great Hall, I had debated for a couple minutes whether or not I should go find Katherine, Megan and Gregor, to apologize to them. But, knowing how badly I must have hurt them, I change my mind, instead making my way back to Slytherin dormitories. With the evil snakes, the villains. Where I belong.
That night, by some miracle I remember I have Detention with Quirrelmort and head out, waving my goodbyes to Daphne, Tracy, Millicent and Pansy as soon as I finish my food.
Once I reach the door to Quirrel's classroom, I stand outside for a few seconds, attempting to calm my heart before taking a large breathe of clean, unpolluted air and holding it.
I raise my fist and knock on the door of doom four times.
"C-c-come in," The annoying fake stutter drifts out through the door. I groan before opening and stepping in.
"Professor," I say as I step into the stinkfest, wincing at the absurdly strong scent of garlic, positive it is more potent than it was before.
"Miss Nelson, t-take a seat." I glare at the teacher, the image of Voldemort on the back of his head burning into my retinas. My anger boils for the second time today, how could Dumbledore be so stupid as to allow this-this prat into the school?
"I said, take a seat" Quirrel says, his voice turning sharp, but I catch the lack of a stutter and smirk.
"You can cut the act," I tell him simply.
"I-I d-don't know what you mean" he stutters back, I roll my eyes.
"I have a strange talent on knowing when someone is lying to me, and my spider senses have been tingling since the first time you spoke." I say, my eyes narrowed.
"It appears you do have a brain in there after all," Quirrel replies, thankfully cutting the stuttering act, I take a step back, surprised at how easily he decides to give himself up.
"Why the act?" I ask him, "Remember my senses before you answer." I may as well push my luck before he comes back to his sense. Instead of answering, his face turns red and he stands up, pointing his wand at me which starts to spit out green sparks. "Bad idea sir, my friends and the headmaster all know where I am. You will immediately be under suspicion if I suddenly disappear."
"No one would suspect me if I tell them you never arrived in the class in the first place," he answers. I gulp loudly, I hadn't thought of that.
"Steph walked with me here, she watched me enter." I lie quickly. He narrows his eyes, unsure on whether or not to call my bluff.
"Funny, it looked like you were not on speaking terms at dinner." He informs me, I curse mentally. I had hoped he hadn't noticed that. But I suppose, being the only person to go to the other tables, it would be noticed when I suddenly don't.
"They still know where I am. And thy will inform someone if I don't reappear tomorrow." I quickly inform him, holding my breath as I reach into my pocket, grasping my wand.
"My reasons are for me to know." He tells me, "now sit down, you still have a detention to complete."
"Sure about that?" I ask him.
"Stupefy!" A jet of red light shoots towards me and with a gasp, I dive to the floor, the spell crashes into the wall behind me.
"Watch it!" I exclaim as I nervously raise my head, peeking over the desk at the deranged teacher.
"Sit down and complete your detention or you will never see the light of day again." He snarls at me, with a short nod, I decide to take a seat and stop provoking the guy.
"You will write 'I will not disrespect a teacher," until I tell you to stop." He tells me. With a glare, I get my quill out of my pocket and begin to write, dipping into ink every so often.
By the twentieth line, my arm begins to ache, but I carry on, slightly changing the working to "I will disrespect a teacher,"
By the fiftieth line, the wording seems to have changed again, this time to "Quirrel is worthy of disrespecting."
This line carried on until somewhere in the mid hundreds where it found itself, once again, changed to "Quirrel is a weak fraud, worse than Lockhart," due to the length of the line however, it quickly got changed yet again to "Respect is earned."
Sometime after that, Quirrel tells me I can go, asking me to hand the paper in. I chuck it towards him and run out the door before he can say anything to me about it.
Getting back to the dorm, I go straight to bed, nursing my aching arm, after saying a quiet goodnight to the girls – Pansy being oddly quiet, I close my curtains and fall asleep fast.
*S*L*Y*T*H*E*R*I*N*
Having made my excuses Sunday morning after breakfast, Tracy heads outside with the girls whilst I retreat back to our Dorms. The Common room is mostly empty, with just four Slytherins within, an older couple, snuggling in the corner and two boys, sitting close to one another whispering over some book. I take the chance to properly have a look at my common room, my home for the next seven years.
The Common room is very dungeon like, will large, black, rectangular stones making the walls, on which are several tapestries of famous Slytherin's, many of which are currently out of their portraits. The only one still in, is a young looking, red haired man, reading a book on his high backed red chair. The windows on the other end of the room show the green tinged lake, where, from the other end of the room, I can see oddly shaped fish swimming around. The green tinge from the lake extends into the room, giving it an eerie green look. The common room has lots of low backed black and dark green button-tufted, leather sofas; of which the two kissing students are sitting on the one next to the large, impressive fire place; skull lights on the walls; and dark wood cupboards. I have to admit there is quite a grand atmosphere, but the green glow leaves it cold, not a place I would ever find comfort.
Turning from the entrance, I head over to a large bookcase on the wall to my right, flicking through the not so light tomes to find some interesting reading. Finding an interesting looking tome – Warding off Intruders,' I take it and head down to my dorm.
Finding it thankfully empty, I settle on my bed, book in hand and begin to read, taking a parchment from my bag before I do, so as I can take some notes.
By the time I finish my reading, I have found only one usable spell, which will not harm the others if they do decide to come to my things, but pass a warning, and possibly a stinging jinx. Cave inimicum I quickly cast it over my bed, watching as a slight haze appears over my bed before vanishing into nothingness. Feeling accomplished, I head back out, towards lunch.
Seeing Daphne and Tracy already eating, I smile slightly and head towards them, keeping my gaze deliberately away from the other three tables. Racy glances up from her sandwich as I take the seat next to her. She greets me with a smile as Daphne nods steadily.
"What did the Headmaster say?" Daphne asks, having finished her lunch and apparently waiting on Daphne. I grab a random sandwich and settle down, taking a satisfying bite before answering the patiently waiting Daphne's question.
"He says we are to come up with four seventh years who are to lead the group. A leader from each house. We have until next weekend to decide who and tell Dumbledore who will set it up with them." I inform her, merging most of what we decided ourselves with Dumbledore's ideas.
"What's wrong with you and your friends?" Tracy butts in, glancing up to the other tables, which I had been steadfastly ignoring.
"What do you mean?" I immediately deny, looking over to Tracy with a slight glare.
"You haven't spoken to them at all since yesterday, and the Hufflepuff is sending a glare your way." I quickly flick my eyes over to see Megan is in fact glaring slightly at me, more of annoyance than outright anger, I am relieved to see.
"We got in a bit of a spat yesterday." I say, tone clipped as I attempt to avoid the topic. Thankfully, Daphne does change it, but to a topic I wished to discuss.
"What about Draco? He was cursing your name last night in the dorms." She informs me, I groan, shaking my head in defeat.
"I found him bullying someone yesterday and stepped in to put a stop to it." I grind out, annoyed at having to admit all my failing of the previous day.
"Who?" Tracy immediately asks, reaching out for another sandwich. I wait until the group of fourth year Slytherin's wander past us, chatting noisily.
"Neville Longbottom." I inform them, leaning slightly closer so we can still hear each other over the increasing noise in the Great Hall.
"Why'd you stop him?" Daphne asks, I turn to her with a glare, but instead of the disgust I had expected, she looks honestly curious.
"One, because I can't stand bullies," I inform her instantly, guilt making my stomach clench as the urge to go over and plead mercy from my friends briefly takes over my thoughts. "Two, because Neville isn't a very fair target."
"How come?" Tracy asks, "He's not exactly the most powerful Pureblood."
"What have I said about naming peoples blood?" I frown at her, she smiles a quick sorry but gestures for me to continue. "Because it isn't exactly upholding the Malfoy name, is it? Picking on someone who isn't as strong as you. It doesn't show you as a powerful person. It shows you are weak and insecure. So much so, that you have to prove yourself by picking on the weakest person you can find."
"I don't think Malfoy took it as you protecting his image," Daphne informs me, "He felt you have personally insulted the Malfoy and Slytherin name by sticking up for a Gryffindor."
I roll my eyes at the supposed politics of Slytherin house, Adam would have handled this a lot better than me. I go by my emotions, not by image. "He is a spoilt brat that needs to learn the whole world doesn't bend to his own will." Tracy spits out, I raise an eyebrow, laughing slightly at the unexpected outburst from the girl. "What?" She asks, looking between us, her face pinking slightly. "It's true. He could do with being brought down a few pegs."
"What?" She asks, looking between us, her face pinking slightly. "It's true. He could do with being brought down a few pegs."
"I'm not disagreeing with you," I quickly comfort her, "that's just not something I would have expected you to say, it's more my style."
"If Draco hears you say something like that," Daphne adds in a hushed whisper, "He'll destroy you both!"
"Pah," I snort, "Like I'm scared of some snot faced eleven year old kid."
"It's not him you should be worried about," Daphne continues, quickly glancing around even though no one is near us, "It's his father. Lucius Malfoy is a powerful man."
"A powerful Death slave you mean." I smirk, laughing at the incredulous look Daphne gives me.
"That has not been proven, and you would do well not to mention it again." She hisses. She spends the rest of lunch in silence, refusing to acknowledge Pansy and I as we continue to insult the others in our house. When we finally finish our lunch, Daphne makes her excuses and leaves us, heading outside whilst Pansy and I make our way back to the Slytherin Common room, planning on getting our homework complete for the week ahead.
After dinner, much like yesterday, I head straight to Quirrel's office for my second detention. Shaking slightly, I knock on the door, this time he doesn't say anything, just points to a desk at the back of the class where a sheet of paper is sitting. I go over to it and see it is another set of lines. Groaning at the pain my arm is going to be in, I silently get to work, only removing my eyes from the parchment when he dismisses me.
*S*L*Y*T*H*E*R*I*N*
Come Monday morning, I had still not spoken to any of my friends, instead hiding in Slytherin, getting closer to Tracy and Millicent. Pansy had decided to ignore me after hearing how I went against Draco Malfoy, whereas Daphne has gone back to the cold shoulder, seemingly not forgiven us for our sinish talking yesterday.
It looks like my plan of ignoring them is going to fail miserably, however, as when I check my timetable to see what I have in the morning, I see I have Potions with Steph and the Gryffindor's first, and then Herbology with Adam, Gregor and Katherine and the Ravenclaw's right after. Deciding to get it over with, I finish my breakfast quickly and head back down to the dungeons, this time to Snape's classroom, alone.
It seems Steph had the same idea. She is already sitting in the chairs we chose on Friday morning.
"Hi," She says as I reluctantly put my bag on the table next to her.
"Hey," I reply, smiling slightly as I take my seat.
"Katherine isn't mad at you," She tells me, I turn to look at her, she understands the silent message and carries on. "She understands you were worried about your detention and missing home, we are as well."
"But with what I said, even to you I am so-" Steph cuts me off, leaning over and pulling me into a hug, I smile, clutching one of my best friends tight, taking solace in the peace of having my friends back. "Gregor?" I ask as we pull away.
"You know what he's like," Steph laughs, "He's just mad that you reminded him he almost got put in Hufflepuff."
"What's wrong with Hufflepuff?" I ask, glancing up as the rest of the class begins to trickle in. Tracy grins at seeing me talking happily to Steph and takes her seat next to the still huffing Daphne.
"He's a Ravenclaw, and it doesn't matter what the hat says, it's a stupid hat," Steph tells me, I laugh at the accuracy of what Gregor would say.
"He needs to learn knowledge isn't everything," I state, shaking my head, "Perhaps Hufflepuff would have been good for him."
"You're kidding, right?" Steph asks, eyebrows raised, "He would have literally blown something up in his refusal."
"Perhaps…" I agree nodding, then I smirk, "But it would certainly have been amusing!"
Snape comes billowing in the classroom, shutting the door behind him with a sharp snap, effectively cutting off our conversation.
"Settle down," he smirks, walking to the front of the class and glaring at us all. That is truly an amazing feat that. To both smirk and glare at the same time. "Today you shall be brewing the Polish potion. Can any of you Dunderheads tell me what it does?"
Hermione slowly raises her hand after seeing no one else had, I put my hand up as well, having read through my potions book last night whilst doing my homework… Dormwork?
"Nobody?" He asks. I glare at him.
"Appears not." He finishes, smirking as he keeps his gaze to the Slytherin side of the room, ignoring me and Hermione on the Gryffindor side.
"Sir, if you would care to use those two black pits you call eyes-" I begin, causing the two holes in question to snap to mine, "then you can see that two people can actually answer your question."
"I did not ask you to speak." He says dangerously. I blink, keeping my face blank. "Twenty points from Slytherin for cheek." He adds. I raise an eyebrow, taking on the challenge. How far will he go for his own house?
"You asked a question, I was going to answer it, you ignored me. You brought it on yourself, sir." I say calmly.
"Detention."
"Another one!? At this rate I'm gonna be worse that the Weasely twins!" I groan, glaring at the man.
"You will learn not to back chat a teacher."
"You should learn to treat people fairly." I answer.
"I think a weeks' worth of detentions will suffice." I open my mouth to reply again but a sharp pain on my leg stops me, I turn my glare on Steph who places a finger to her mouth, shaking her head as she does. I sigh.
"When?"
"My office, 7pm every night this week."
"And where, exactly, is your office? In case you hadn't noticed, we JUST arrived here. And no map was handed out either."
"Two weeks. And another 30 points from Slytherin." I intensify my glare but shut up, noticing with slight fear the glares my housemates are sending me. Suddenly I feel extremely glad Steph is talking to me.
My potion turns out quite well again, it is the correct colour and consistency. Yet Snape just turns his nose up at it. I do notice him handing points out to Draco, Daphne and Blaise however, my fifty lost points switching to just twenty. I have no doubt that twenty will also vanish by the end of his next Slytherin class. I glare at him for the obvious favoritism.
After class finishes, Steph and I fall to the back, I notice Tracy and Millicent heading to the back of the Slytherin line, ready for me to catch up to them.
"Do you have a death wish?" Steph asks as soon as we leave the classroom.
"No! He's a prat." I indignantly reply.
"He is a teacher, and a mean one at that." Steph says, "You need to keep your temper here, especially with Voldy head."
"What did you do this time?" A male voice asks from behind, I turn to see Adam, Gregor and Katherine with the rest of their year right behind us.
"She lost Slytherin 50 points and got two weeks detention." Steph answers for me. I am currently pouting, and unable to reply.
"What did you go do that for?" Adam asks.
"Snape." I answer shortly.
"He's not that hard to handle." Gregor answers, I turn to glare slightly at him, glad the altercation from yesterday seems to have been forgotten.
We pass the stairs and Steph heads up with the Gryffindor's for Charms whilst Gregor, Adam and Katherine move to my side, heading to Herbology with me.
"He's a prat!" I answer, "And the only reason prat is the only word I'm using is because there are a bunch of actual eleven year olds around us."
"Aww is poor bitty Louise not allowed to use her full vocabulary?" Katheirne adds in, I turn to glare at her to find her grinning at me.
"No. And poor bitty Louise is getting extremely peeved off." I answer.
"Do you think Occlumency might help?" Gregor asks quietly, I stop and look at him.
"How would that help? It just shields your mind from someone looking in..."
"I found a book on it last night. You have to declutter your mind. Apparently it helps people relax." He answers. My frown vanishes.
"That would be great! Then we can learn Legilamency and help Harry, instead of getting Snape to do it!"
"Not what I meant!" Gregor groans.
"Can I borrow the book?" I ask just as we reach the greenhouses.
"Sure, I'll give you it after class." Suddenly, despite detention, I'm looking forward to finishing the day.
I turn awkwardly back to Katherine, and, sensing my need, Adam and Gregor speed up, allowing Katherine and I to be alone.
"You used to think I only spoke to you because Sandra left?" She asks, thankfully speaking first, I take a deep breath, understanding I would have to tell her the truth if I want our relationship to continue.
"That was… when I'm feeling particularly upset about something, I start to think stupid, anxious thoughts, and I lash out at people around me. I am so sorry! I usually don't let it go that far."
"I can't believe you thought that," Katherine replies with a disbelieving smile, "You could not have been more wrong!"
"Yeah, I know," I reply, "My stupid brain tried to inform me though. But I don't personally think that, I think of you like a sister, just as I do the others."
"Never think that again," She warns me, I raise an eyebrow, "I love having you as a friend." My chest immediately swells, a full blown smile coming to me for the first time in about two days. I can feel tears burning my eyes at the clear admission Katherine just gave me.
"Thank you," I say, trying and failing to put all my thoughts into those two words, "You have no idea what that means to me." Instead of awaiting another answer, I step forward and take Katherine into my arms, accepting the piece and pure bliss I feel at having her admit she actually likes me as I am.
The insecurities I had always felt, deep in my mind, vanish, replaced with acceptance and glee. I'm not some worthless, too quick to anger, lanky, too thin, girl to her. I am not an annoyance, someone she just puts up with just because. I am her friend.
Herbology passes in a blur, Professor Sprout telling us to look through our books and to name the plants we see around the Greenhouse. We are told to keep up to date with our plants knowledge as she will be handing out random quizzes throughout the year.
As promised, Gregor hands me the book after class, 'A guide to protecting the mind,' I place it in my bag, promising to look it over during the week so as to give him it back at the weekend for the Ravenclaw library.
After a quiet lunch, Charms goes smoothly, with the rest of the class, minus Millicent and Daphne glaring daggers at me. But, thankfully, no one steps up to 'teach me a lesson' as I had half expected Malfoy to do. We file down the stairs to Transfiguration after class in an awkward silence, I stay near the back of the class, Allowing Draco and the rest of the still glaring Slytherin's to enter first.
McGonagall quickly set us to work transforming matches into needles.
I, however, get a stubborn match. No matter how many times I point my wand and say the incantation, it will not change.
"Paracu!" I try again, beginning to get frustrated at the stupid thing. Nothing happens. "Paracu!" I try again, this time allowing my anger to reach my voice, the match turns silver, a slight improvement, but is still firmly match shaped.
"Louise, calm down, you'll get it eventually," Tracy says from next to me, her own needle having a sharp end to it.
"Jab your wand with less force," Daphne suggests, her match a perfect needle already.
I point my wand towards the stupid match and jab slightly less sharply, "Paracu!"
The match turns into a needle, just as good as Daphne's yet, at the same time, a crushing sense of weakness washes over me and everything goes black.