Beta'd by the forever corrector of Newt vs. Newton, Thepsychoticchef on Tumblr

Chapter 11

Newt was trying really hard to walk normally, because he probably looked like he had some sort of disorder at the moment.

He probably did have a disorder.

In his intense concentration he nearly walked right into Herc Hansen.

"Oh, hey…uh sorry, dude," Newt mumbled, fully intending to keep walking to wherever he was going.

"Oh good, Dr. Geiszler, I was hoping to speak with you"

"Oh, uh…were you? Ok, cool." Newt was definitely coming off completely chill. Not like some sort of strange individual who crawled out of some Mary Shelley novel.

Herc simply nodded his head and started walking with the clear assumption Newt would follow.

And it was tempting…so tempting. To just not follow. If asked about it, Newt could easily say he misunderstood. Easy enough…but…in the long term this would probably solve none of Newts problems.

He should probably just follow and get this over with.

They arrive at Herc's office sooner than Newt expected, and the guy is being pretty polite for somebody who is basically the new marshal of the PPDC. He opens the door for Newt and gestures for him to have a seat.

That is probably what sets Newt on edge.

While he may have never had Gia's intense level of conspiracy theories, he has never exactly trusted the powers that be. Except Pentacost. He's awesome…was awesome. Pentacost is past tense now and the thought makes him suddenly want to hunch over and cry over the things that changed too fast for him to keep up.

God no wonder Mako looked like such a mess. That was basically her dad.

And Chuck…Herc was his dad. It's been a day and now he's expected to just soldier on?

And who is mourning the Kaidonovsky's and their intense love for vodka that he respected? Or the Wei triplets whom he never knew well enough because he had no time.

Because there was never enough time.

He is fumbling his way towards the chair and Herc is quietly sitting on the other side of the very official mahogany desk. This was Pentacost's desk. That must be weird sitting at your dead friend's desk and taking over his job.

Now they are both sitting and Newt needs to not focus on the dead right now because he drifted with the kaiju and there might be some fallout. Like right now.

"Unfortunately, Dr. Geiszler, your first drift is officially on record, so there is no denying what happened."

That's a weird way to start a conversation, Newt thinks.

'Absolutely bizarre' Hermann agrees…not actual Hermann. His own internal British barometer that he now has thanks to the drift.

And Herc's still talking. He should listen,

"-Pentacost was not exactly keeping records of all the events of the last day or so. The only evidence of the second drift is that you and Hermann ran into the control room saying you had intel on the kaiju and matching…" he points to his eye and makes a face, and Newt feels compelled to make one back.

Hey, he never said he was mature. Herc ignores this and continues,

"The PPDC is not ruling out the possibility of a second breach, and I'm doing my best to deal with the situation a hand, but..." He trails off to scrub his face with a hand.

"We still don't fully know what happened yesterday. File reports, by the way," he vaguely points at Newt with an attempt at severity and then sighs. Newt is waiting for him to say whatever it is he is dancing around. He is dreading and anticipating it in equal measure.

"You, and possibly Dr. Gottlieb, are the only ones with firsthand knowledge of the kaiju and how they work. I believe you were the one who said they were a hivemind?" He pauses now to stare at Newt, as if waiting for some sort of affirmation. Newt doesn't respond. He knows where this is going. Feels it in his fucking soul, because he knows what Herc is about to ask, and he is pretty sure of his answer which scares him even more.

"The PPDC…we…want to gather intel on the kaiju in anticipation of any future breach activity,"

"You want me to drift again." Newt finally says. Herc looks at him, his mouth a thin unhappy line.

"But…" his brain hunts for something logical to say. Because he has no words to explain the fact that he feels like he's been half lobotomized and he feels like he might say yes, and he shouldn't say yes. . He should say yes.

"With Mutavore again? What else could I learn? Mutavore's been outside the anteverse for awhile now…"

"They recovered large portions of Raiju, which have been preserved, and are being shipped here as we speak."

Newt's words die in his throat. A new kaiju specimen. It peaks his curiosity even as the idea of diving back into that mental mess horrifies him. And seduces him. The little kaiju voice in his head hisses in hypnotic suggestion.

He tries again. He tries to say something real and honest about why this would be a bad idea. A bad idea he really wants to try with only a vague sense of his own limitation is stopping him.

"Herc…look I…I haven't even fully leveled out from the last two drifts…and…" He is struggling to find the words. Herc watches him with an even gaze.

"I'm pretty sure it would be…a bad idea to drift again." And that's the best he can do? Apparently.

Herc's mouth twists.

"Well, the PPDC will not force you into any life threatening situations, but Dr. Gottlieb's predictions always suggested more than one rift, and people want answers. We would give you 48 hours to prepare of course and…" Now Herc trails off, as if the words he needs to say are unpleasant in his mouth.

"If you are unwilling to drift, the PPDC will see if Dr. Gottlieb is willing to participate." And maybe that's what grabs his attention. He stares with fixed stillness at Hercules Hansen in a cold calculate moment. Neither of them want to be in this room having this talk, but the powers that be put them here and pretended they had better options.

Hermann, the man who had shouted at him for the last ten years. The man who had bought him a kaiju action figure with no explanation on the day his uncle died. The man who brought him coffee on all those long, endless, days in the lab, when Newt refused to sleep, refused to stop, because the science was there waiting for him. The man who seemed perpetually enraged by the universe, because the universe was fucked and only the numbers made sense. The man who did not seem to care what anybody thought of him, because there were problems to be solved and a world that needed to be saved, and if Hermann could just multiply and divide his way to the answer, it would all work out.

The man who seemed to always know the right time for an argument, and the time to quietly work until the work was done. The man who worked harder than anybody Newt had ever met, and was probably the smartest person he had ever met. The man who had saved Newt from his own stupid hubris. Twice. The man who Newt allowed into his mind, because they've known each other for so long that Newt was sure there would be nothing else to know.

Newt's mouth sets.

Then the door bursts open and Hermann barges into the room, looking breathless and upset. Their eyes meet. Twin red sclera's lock and Newt can't really think, and he can't plan, but fuck it.

"Ok," he says to Herc, and watches him inhale a half silent gasp. He looks relieved, and maybe sad, and maybe loads of other stuff that Newt is too exhausted to figure out.

"Ok, now I'm going." And with that he stands and bypasses Hermann, because he can't really think about Hermann right now. He might have just agreed to suicide by science.

To be fair, if he had to go by choice…science is always the best way to go, but he hadn't necessarily wanted to be mentally torn to pieces by the monsters he'd cut in pieces before the dying occurred.

That is what he just agreed to. Probably.

He still can't remember the drift. Not really.

He has gathered a few vague impressions. Memories of Hermann and the hivemind. A sensation of the other that wished him dead down to the molecular level. Claws that dug into him and didn't let go until the drift was done.

So that's what he just agreed to.

So the PPDC is pretty sure he drifted a second time. They aren't sure about Hermann…just him. Of course, if he had said no, they would have been happy to grab somebody else. Or maybe they would have just forced him. Despite whatever Herc says, governments get freaky when people get scared.

And, well…even with all of that, there was something in him that wants to go back to that. To dive into that ocean and be consumed. Even though he knows how much he should not want it, he wants it. He wants it so bad. Even from here he can feel the tides pulling at him. Inviting him.

He is barely paying attention to where he is walking.

Also Hermann…there is Hermann…

The problem with Hermann…if it can be considered a problem…Is that the man has integrity. Maybe too much for a government run organization. The man believes in things and will act on those beliefs, and he will not fucking lie. It's exasperating, and exhausting, and inspiring, and infuriating

Hermann does not doubt the higher powers. He trusts them and acts in service of them, because he perceives their goals as right even as they take, and take, and take.

Hermann is probably the one who is going to survive this. Of the pair of them, he is the one with the mettle to make it through this mess. Because he has already survived so much.

His leg stopped working and he kept going. His father stopped caring and he kept going. They told him he couldn't pilot and he kept going. He worked with Newt calling him a moron every second of every day, and he still kept going.

They took his dreams, they took his staff and his funding, they took his math, and they are still taking it because Hermann is still giving. Because he thinks it is right even when he thinks it's wrong, and he is just going to keep believing and letting them bleed him dry and

And no

This is where Newt comes into the equation. A random factor not previously considered by any party, and thank god he at least has the element of surprise, because the fact is Newt's already compromised. His mind is probably already half ruined by two bad drifts. Hermann might have gotten a little weirder, but he is still surviving. Still functioning. Still thinking. If they asked Hermann, he would say yes, and let them take that monument to mathematics and rationalism and let them flush it all away.

He does not hear the distant tapping of a cane somewhere behind him.

And, ok, it's not all selfless. Newt admits that.

He imagines connecting again. Connecting with them. He feels the pull of the tides that are begging him to drift out into that ocean. It wants him. Or maybe he wants it? Who can tell if he is even perceiving real emotions or simply echoes of the collective tidal voices in his head.

He wants back in. He doesn't want Hermann back in there. So really there is no reason for him not to do this. It's a win win.

Except for the part where he is probably going to die.

His stomach turns somersaults. Yeah, he probably won't make it out alive…or at least not fully functioning. Best case scenario is catatonia or coma

…Oh well, that's fine…c'est la vie, right?

Right? He turns the corner and he's back at the lab.

"Newton."

Comments are really appreciated :D

So a major note on upcoming chapters. I am going to be ditching the strict Newt than Herm POV switches as needed. The next couple chapters will probably be from Newtons POV followed by several Hermann POV chapters. Just an FYI for those who wonder at the change in format.

This chapter also has another Designations reference because sorry I love it. Hermann being a pillar of rationalism...yup I won't touch Descartes because that is all CWR's but I couldn't resist a little allusion to it.

And as an aside there may be some small inconsistencies for the sake of story like ok TECHNICALLY nobody knows the precise details of Newt and Herms second drift but sharing the neural load seems to be a widely accepted thing. So like my only logic for the insistence on drifting alone with the kaiju is that the muckity mucks dont want to ruin both geniuses they have at their disposal. I'm going to ask you to roll with that and a few other things that are done for the sake of DRAMA because I love drama.