The song in this chapter is, surprisingly, a song that Justin Timberlake wrote for Reba McEntire's Duets album. It's called "The Only Promise That Remains". The first time I ever heard it was when they debuted it on The Oprah Show and it brought me to tears then. I thought it was perfect for this point in Rayna and Deacon's relationship.
I'm a little dissatisfied with the way things transition after the song, but I couldn't figure out a solution. Hopefully with the way it goes after that, you'll forgive the choppiness. Thanks for your reviews and encouragement!
Rayna and Bucky were running late for the bus to head to Charlotte. Maddie had decided to throw a tantrum over Rayna leaving again and Teddy didn't help by not having her back. Rayna had finally peeled Maddie off her legs and left her wailing in Teddy's arms as she followed Bucky out the door. She herself cried all the way to Sound Check. Usually Maddie wasn't this difficult, but maybe it was the holidays. They had decorated the Christmas tree and that caused Maddie to think her mom wasn't going to be home for Santa. The only positive out of it was that Daphne was napping and didn't get caught up in her sister's distress.
Before she got out of Bucky's car, he handed her Kleenex to wipe off her face. "You know that as we sit here right now, she's in the middle of something and is not as upset as you are," he said.
Rayna smiled shakily. "I know. Thanks, Buck." She swiped at her eyes again. "How bad do I look?"
Bucky winked at her. "Like a mama who just left her cubs." He squeezed her arm. "It'll be ok."
"I don't want Deacon to see me looking like a wreck. It'll just get him worried."
"Just go back to the restroom and freshen up when you get on." Rayna nodded.
As she got on the bus, Deacon looked up and, when he saw her face, he frowned with concern. She waved him off and walked past him to the bathroom and did exactly as Bucky suggested. When she was satisfied she had repaired her face, she came back out. Smiling, she sat down next to him. He reached for her hand and squeezed it quickly. "You ok?" he asked.
She nodded. "Yeah. Just a bad day for little girls." She took a deep breath. "I'll be fine."
He looked at her with concern still on his face. Then he leaned towards her and whispered in her ear, "I did the music." He paused. "Thanks."
Rayna smiled at him, still a little emotional from the battle with Maddie as well as the emotions from the song she'd given to Deacon. "I'm looking forward to hearing what you did with it."
###
That night when they got to her room, Deacon sang the song to her, even though she would be doing the vocals. She caught her breath at how well he had captured her intent through the music. It was haunting and heartfelt, exactly right.
"When the ground beneath you starts shaking, shaking
And you forget the place we came from, came from
When you're lost and looking for a way home
Your way home to me, I'll come out and find you
When the world around you starts moving, moving
And you should wonder if I still love you, love you
If you feel a darkness coming, rising inside
I'll make a light to guide you back home
And after all the sky has fallen down
And after all the water is washed away
My love's the only promise that remains
When your doubts have got you thinking, thinking
And nothing's ever really sacred, sacred
And you're afraid you might believe it
Believe in me and I'll give you a reason
'Cause the world around us keeps on moving, moving
And there's no doubt that I still love you, love you
So when you feel the darkness coming, rising inside
I'll make a light to guide you back home
And after all the sky has fallen down
And after all the water is washed away
My love's the only promise that remains
My love's the only promise that remains
My love's the only promise that remains
And after all the sky has fallen down
And after all the water is washed away
My love's the only promise that remains, remains"
When he was done, Deacon put his guitar down and came and took her in his arms. "I love you, Ray."
She kissed him. "I love you. Please always know that." She hoped that the rest of the leg would be calm, that this would give Deacon something to hold on to. But it wasn't to be.
###
This time it was Rayna's turn to be difficult. Maddie's behavior when she had left troubled her. And every time she called home, Maddie was whining or crying or belligerent. Teddy seemed disinclined to try to help and would use it as a way to dig at Rayna for her insistence on continuing to work and tour the way she had. And Rayna would get angry and then she would feel guilty and she would take it out on Deacon.
When they were in Atlanta, three days before the Christmas break, things exploded. The night had started well and Rayna had practically dragged him to bed as soon as he walked in the room. Their lovemaking was fierce that night as she seemed to be trying to exorcise all of her frustrations and guilt. As he wrapped her in his arms, he said, "Do you think I'll get to see you while we're on break?"
Rayna sighed and frowned. "I don't know," she finally said.
"It's two weeks, Ray. That's a long time."
She pulled away from him and sat up. "I know it's a long time, Deacon. But then it's Christmas. There's a lot going on. I have children that need my attention."
Deacon knew he was being petulant, but he couldn't help it. "I need you too, Ray."
Rayna looked at him in anger and swore. "I'm at the end of my rope here, Deacon. I can't live with everyone pulling at me like this. I have put you ahead of pretty much everything else in my life since we've been on this tour and you have got to give me this time with my girls without making me feel guilty." She didn't want to be this angry with him, but she needed space.
Deacon just looked at her for a few minutes, working his lip, trying to decide how to respond. He knew he was pushing her, but he was at a loss for why she seemed so tethered to Teddy. And he was done waiting. He got up and started getting dressed. Then he turned to her. "Take all the time you need, Rayna. This is the end of the line for me. When we come back after the break, I need you to decide where we're going from here. But it needs to come from you." He looked at her darkly. "Are we done here?"
Rayna could feel the tears, she could feel the lump in her throat. This was not how she wanted this to be, but she had to have some time and space to figure out the next move. She looked up at him and nodded. "Yeah, we're done." After he left, she broke down. She didn't know how to tell him the truth about Maddie and she knew that the longer it went on, the worse the fall out would be. She was afraid that if she told him, she would lose him, and she was afraid if she didn't tell him and he continued to believe she was hiding something from him, she would lose him anyway. Despite him telling her that it didn't matter if or what she told him, it was clear that it did matter. He needed something from her and she realized the time had come to come to terms with that. One way or another.
###
The last two nights were excruciatingly painful for both of them. Being on stage together and having to sing with each other nearly drove Rayna over the edge. Deacon was sulky and it showed and it pissed her off. She changed up the playlist at the last minute, which made Bucky mad. Rayna and Deacon wouldn't talk to each other, but as mad as they were, it was also obvious that they were both hurting. But neither one would back down.
When they got back to Nashville, Deacon flew out of the parking lot. Bucky watched him and then turned back to Rayna. "Well, it looks like our tour just got screwed," he said.
Rayna shrugged. "Maybe. I don't know."
Bucky frowned. "Rayna, you've got to figure out whatever it is that's bugging you and fix it. You know that Deacon's a loose cannon and we can't have him flaming out right now."
She glared at him. "Why do you assume it's me?"
Bucky gave her a rueful smile. "You're the one that's married, Rayna, not him. You're the one that has ties, not him. He may be making things tough for you, but he's wide open and you're shutting him down." He put his arm around her and gave her a quick hug. "I'm not trying to get in your business, but you do need to figure out how to fix this."
Rayna looked at him sadly and sighed. "You're right, Buck. I do. And I will. I'm going to figure out what I do next while we're off."
Bucky smiled at her. "Good. So let's get you home to your girls for Christmas."
Rayna hugged him. "You're a good friend, Bucky. Thank you." They walked arm in arm to Bucky's car.
###
Deacon was still angry as he drove home. He had a strong urge to stop at a bar, but he reminded himself that if he fell off the wagon, he could kiss any hope of working things out with Rayna goodbye. He wasn't sure what he expected her to do, but he had meant what he said about her figuring things out during the break. He stopped to pick up something to eat and as he was waiting for his food, he pulled the picture of the two of them out of his wallet. It had been twelve years since that picture was taken. He could tell that he was a little drunk, but then so was Rayna. He'd already been to rehab twice, but she hadn't gotten to the point then where she was frustrated with him. That would happen after he failed at try number three. That was when she started to walk away when things got bad, when she wasn't as forgiving, didn't try as hard to be understanding. He sat back and felt tears spring up as he thought about how much he didn't want to disappoint her again.
As he was putting the picture back, he saw the picture of her girls and pulled that out. He smiled as he looked at them. So cute. He could understand why she found it hard to uproot them and upend their lives. As he was staring at the picture, something struck him about Maddie. He focused on her and tried to figure out what it was that was nagging at the edges of his brain. All of a sudden, he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He felt sick to his stomach and his head started to hurt. He got up and left without getting his food, driving home in a state of disbelief.
When he got in the house, he stood in his living room, his hand running through his hair, still not believing what he'd seen. He yelled in frustration and then proceeded to trash his living room. When he was done and spent, he sagged down onto the floor and pulled out his phone. He found the number and hit Call. When she answered, he said "I need to see you. I need to talk. Can I come tomorrow?" At the answer, he nodded. "I'll see you then." And he turned off the phone.