Chapter Ten

As Sesshomaru's tall back disappeared from view taking her baby with him, Kagura felt the tears finally well up in her eyes. The first tear blazed a burning trail down her cheek, cooled quickly by the kiss of the wind around her. More quickly followed, rivulets streaming down her burning cheeks. Bursts of wind did what they could to soothe the burn of the tears for their mistress, becoming increasingly frenzied as the inflamed trails didn't cease. In the back of her mind, Kagura knew that her powers would spiral out of her control if she didn't get a grip. The part of her that throbbed with hurt screamed that it didn't care; it needed to let go of everything, the consequences be damned.

The sound of giggles pierced through the sad fog surrounding Kagura and slammed her back into reality. Guilt raked through her as she realized where she was: a park surrounded by children, mothers, and fathers. Had she let go of control as she so desperately wished to, they would have all been killed by the gales and tornadoes she would have unleashed.

The feather was out of her hair before she had truly even thought about it. Taking to the skies as high as she could go, Kagura gasped as the chill and thin air kept her head clear. Glancing over the rim of her feather, the city was a shining blot on the landscape. Air currents flowed around her, buffeting her feather. It brought a sad smile to her lips as her hair escaped the haphazard bun in which she had pinned it.

The chill of the air relaxed her, surrounded by nothing but her element. Closing her eyes and laying back on the feather, she let her powers go, allowed them the freedom she could not have. Swirling about her, they shrieked and howled their joy at being released, however temporary it was.

Tears seeped through her lashes as she let the howling wind soothe her weary spirit. It was too much, giving up Kisekimaru twice. Her mind had barely comprehended the first time, let alone come to peace with it. Seeing him had reopened the wounds; letting him go again had been like pouring acid in them. The fresh trails on her cheeks stung as the cold winds bit at them, but it only made her smile. Like they had been her whole life, the winds were a balm on her aching soul.

Settled in the protective curve of her feather, Kagura wasn't sure how long she had spent in the air, enjoying the little taste of freedom she allowed herself. Having let herself go, she let her mind to drift weightlessly towards subjects that held such gravity in her heart.

This meeting, as tragic as it had felt to watch him slip from her grasp once more, cemented a happy fact within her heart. Her baby still loved her, still missed her as painfully as she missed him. She knew that she wasn't the only one who had cried because they were separated. The mother in her ached for her baby and herself, but Kagura didn't let herself feel the pain. She concentrated on making it better within herself, making it more bearable.

Compared to Sesshomaru, she held an enormous amount of sway over Kisekimaru, had a more secure place in his heart. A corner of her lips lifted, feeling the thought spread warmth in her chest. Yes, Sesshomaru may be the one who held custody of him, but she firmly held his love. If she could ignore the hole that not seeing him created, a precarious sort of peace could settle in her body.

When she finally opened her eyes, they sparkled with the life that had been missing since Sesshomaru had retaken the one good thing she had in her life.

Reigning in her faithful servants, she allowed herself to drift leisurely toward reality. As the ground rose to meet her, some of the shine left her eyes, forever drifting in the air far above her. Still, as she at last felt the firm ground beneath her feet, another small smile curved her lips. On the ground was where her life was, where her baby was.

Her heart still ached with loss, but she could survive. Even if she only saw Kisekimaru twice a year, he was still just within her reach. He held her jealously within his heart, giving her the most treasured place in the circle of his love. Even if she had opened that circle to Sesshomaru, she was still first and foremost to him, and that was enough for her.

Settled behind the bar, Kagura surveyed the club laid out before her. Soothing jazz flowed from the speakers, brittle brass notes making her shiver every now and then. For a Tuesday, the club was quiet, the bar even quieter. She had served the regulars and sat, waiting for an order to come from the floor. Glancing towards the walls, even the servers for the night had little to do. A few were clustered around a table, gossiping from what she could tell.

Grabbing a glass, Kagura cleaned it without really paying it much attention. With so little to do, she found her mind drifting, in particular to the day two days before.

She wondered if she had done the right thing, encouraging Kisekimaru to trust Sesshomaru at Sesshomaru's wish. There was little doubt in her mind that had she not done it, Kisekimaru would be hard pressed to even remotely trust his father. Thinking back to her own father, she didn't want that lack of trust to hallmark her son's relationship with Sesshomaru, no matter how much of a bastard she thought the man.

With a heavy sigh, she gazed at the doors that kept the Black Diamond secluded from the outside world, from reality. Behind the bar, Kagura felt lighter. She left her problems, her worries, and her stress at the back door. When she stepped behind the counter, she was just an easy smile and an attentive ear. She had no son, there was no cold ex, and her best and only friends weren't in the hospital. There was only smiling Himura-san or Bartender. Mixing a drink just for the hell of it, she allowed herself a bit of guilty relief and ignored the fact that her son was alone with his cold father.

When she finished the drink, she had to laugh at what her hands had mixed up. The lava lamp sloshed in the cup a bit as she twirled it, staring at the drink of her frequent but suspiciously absent track star. Thinking back to her harsh words of a week and half before, she bit back a sigh. Logically, she knew he couldn't have understood her desire to hold onto Kisekimaru; he wasn't a father and hadn't felt those protective instincts. Still, she had lashed out at him and run him from the club, losing one of her highest paying customers. If Bankotsu had been around to see it, he would have ranted her ear off about how to treat the clientele, no matter how much of an ass the client was. She snorted softly at the thought; Bankotsu was a math person, dealing with the bills while Jakotsu dealt with customers and workers.

From within her reverie, Kagura noticed the door to the club opening. Everyone's attention shifted as the door creaked, a few of the servers rising from their gossip session. Kagura's eyebrows shot towards her hair line as Koga came into view. Her lips twisted into a wry grin even as she set down the lava lamp in her hand.

"Speak of the devil…" she muttered with a chuckle. Ruby eyes glinted with humor and interest as she noticed that he was standing straight. All the other nights he had slunk into the club, he had been hunched, as though carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. She watched with keen eyes as he headed her way.

"Bar tender, how's it going?" The grin on her face just grew as he greeted her jubilantly. She could easily ignore the disbelief creeping up her spine.

"Just fine my friend." She replied easily, nudging the drink toward him. "You seem better than the last time we met. First drink's on the house." He grinned back at her, throwing it back in a few quick gulps. The disbelief began to soak into her mind; perhaps the half formed thoughts of him listening to her 'suggestion' weren't well founded after all.

"Thanks." The wolfish grin from his first night of drowning his sorrows was back, and Kagura found she was glad to see it. No matter how much money supplying him with a bottomless glass of absinthe gained her, it would never be worth watching someone drink his life away. Not someone like Koga, who had his whole track career in front of him still.

"Not a problem." She kept her ruby on him speculatively as he returned the empty glass. There was something about him that was different, even from the first time he came in all smooth and confident. To her slight annoyance, she couldn't quite pick out what it was.

"I want to say thank you." Kagura blinked as he did a 180. His face was solemn and serious as his blue, blue eyes bore into her own. She had to fight to keep a loose smile on her face. It was her job to be the lighthearted one. "Kicking me out on my ass made me rethink a few things." Her smile became less forced as she could sense no resentment in his words.

"It generally does that." She said, wiping down the glass he had given her. "Although I do have to say sorry. It was a rash and uncouth action, no matter its effectiveness." His smile returned and his face eased into a more relaxed expression. Koga finally took a seat on a stool, eying the ingredients for another lava lamp longingly. She raised a questioning eyebrow and reached for it, but he shook his head.

"I'm done drinking." He told her, her other eyebrow joining its twin near her hairline.

"And I'm the one who brought this around?" She asked dryly, a smirk crawling onto her features. "I must not be doing my job right." Koga laughed hard and loud at her statement, drawing the stares of many of the patrons and servers. She couldn't stop the chuckle that rose in her throat, even if she had tried. Job be damned, it felt good to set another person straight. The mother in her radiated approval.

As Koga calmed himself, both stayed in companionable silence. Kagura drifted up and down the bar, occasionally filling orders as the regulars further down ordered them. No one but the hardcore drinkers seemed to want anything from her.

"I took your advice, you know?" He said at length, catching her attention while she was mixing a batch of Mind Erasers. "Went home and took a long shower. I thought long and hard about what I was doing, to my career and myself." She carefully slid the shots down to their owners, giving Koga her full attention after she did so.

"And what came of it?" It was a small matter to keep her hands busy, for there were always glasses to clean behind the bar. Koga's stare drilled into the bar top, a clawed finger drawing circles into the finish. She didn't care, knowing Bankotsu probably wouldn't notice. Maybe. Hopefully.

"You were right." He said simply, pausing in his circle drawing. "I looked up Kikyou's past and… I was just another way to money in a long list, wasn't I?" His head raised and Kagura could still see traces of the deep sadness he had carried when he first broke down. Slowly, she nodded her head. It would do no one any good to sugarcoat it or lie to him. He sighed and returned his gaze to the counter top. Feeling the depression beginning to radiate off him, she hoped she hadn't made him change his mind about drinking.

"I wish the truth could be easier," she replied, "but then we would never need to lie." He grunted. Kagura fought to keep from rolling her eyes. She wasn't sure why he had returned, but it certainly wasn't to fall back into a depression. "Why are you here Koga? This is probably the worst place to be if you want to stay off drinking." Some of her irritation seeped through into her voice, despite how she was still attending to her bar tender façade.

"I wanted to say thank you." He said simply, lifting his head sharply to catch her eye. She forced herself to smile for him, but she wanted to scoff. It could be just as easily done through a friend or a nice card. She was the only bar tender on pay roll at the Black Diamond.

"And now you did." Her voice was flatter than she meant it to be, but it served her purpose well, she supposed. "It would do you no good to fall back by being here. Not to sound rude, but you should leave before you start drinking again." She felt small parts of her worries slipping through the carefully built wall that made her façade so easily accessible. They locked gazes for a few moments before a crooked smile tugged at Koga's face. Kagura raised a skeptical eyebrow at his expression, allowing herself to shed her façade for a few moments.

"I didn't say how I was going to do it." The enticing growl from the night he broke down was back, but Kagura found herself unaffected. She tensed as he began to shift closer to her, indignation rising as he continued to near her. His grin turned into a smirk as he froze a foot away from her face. She blinked, nonplussed as he shoved something in her face, effectively halting her suspicions and her mind. "You need to read this." Her shock kept her frozen for a few moments, but she quickly stepped back and snatched the item from his hands.

"A trash magazine?" The derision in her voice rang clearer than a bell, causing Koga to chuckle. "You can't be serious. I didn't even read these as a teenager." She flopped it onto the bar between them and turned away to grab another dirty glass.

"I'll admit, it's less than reputable," he conceded, opening it and flipping through the pages, "But it has something that I think will interest you. I thought it would… lift your spirits regarding a certain asshole ex of yours." Kagura froze, hands midway through the motion of wiping down her glass. She turned a chilling glare onto Koga who just smirked calmly back at her.

"I make it a point not to know his business." She clipped out harshly, no longer even pretending to attend to her mask of a happy bartender. "In nearly ten years, I've only mistakenly seen one thing." Koga said nothing in return, his hands stilling their perusing. He slid the magazine towards her and just smirked. Despite herself, Kagura could feel her curiosity tugging her gaze down towards the page.

"Trust me, I think you'll like it." And she saw it. Splashed in bold yellow print was a title that lifted one corner of her lips even though she fought the movement tooth and nail.

'Taisho Sesshomaru Exposed! Past Girlfriends Speak Out Against Billionaire!' Her eyes lifted to meet Koga's and she forced herself not to react to his smug smirk, knowing he had seen her small grin.

"Really Koga?" Amusement laced her voice, causing his grin to grow wider. "As much as I appreciate the sentiment, it won't help." That wiped the smirk off his face faster than anything else could have. She flipped the magazine shut with a grin and returned to wiping down her glass, not acknowledging the shock coating his face.

"Seriously?" He was the practically the poster boy for bewilderment, much to Kagura's continually growing amusement. "These women tear him to pieces. How can you not want to see that other women share your view on him? They hate him." His words snatched the smile right off Kagura's face as her words to Kisekimaru floated hauntingly back to her.

"He gave me you. And for that, I can never hate him." Koga didn't seem to notice her sudden change in demeanor, continuing to blather on even as Kagura drifted into her thoughts.

Confusion seeped outward from the words echoing in her mind. Her brow creased as she turned the statement over, thinking reluctantly back to the conversation in which they were uttered. She had been furious, heartbroken, and empty when she had said them. Many of her negative emotions she could easily trace back to Sesshomaru, but she found even then that the words rang true.

Residing near the core of her being was the pained college student that still clung to the feelings she had harbored for Sesshomaru while they dated. Fear spread swiftly in confusion's wake. She was terrified that her feelings were so close to the center of her being, that she still harbored them at all. From all the anguish and agony she had endured, Kagura had believed she had rid herself of the things she had foolishly thought she felt.

"Are you even listening to me bartender?" Koga's harsh voice ripped Kagura from her musings, the edge in it drawing her to glare daggers.

"No." She said frankly, slamming her glass on the counter. She could feel it humming in her grasp, so close to shattering. "You've said your piece Koga. I understand and am grateful that you would try to cheer me up, but you're going about it the wrong way. Would you like it if I rounded up Kikyou's ex-boyfriends and asked their opinions of her, only to spout their answers to you?" Koga was struck dumb at the venom in her voice, mouth hanging open. She sneered at him, drawing away from him and his traitorous magazine.

"I didn't think so." She snarled, turning to head towards the other end of the bar. "Now leave before I have to get the bouncers to escort you out." Her harsh words laid out on the table, she strode away, listening with satisfaction as soon after the doors were opened and slammed shut. Glancing around, she noticed that patrons were staring at the door, but no one had eyes for her. Breathing a sigh of relief, she fixed up another round of drinks for the regulars; anything to get her mind off the sudden turbulence she felt within her heart and mind.