It had been three days, but Joey had still not come to terms with the fact that he and Monica were in a relationship. Or even that they were together. Had something going. Were doing it. Yes, especially that still seemed to be absolutely unbelievably mindboggling out of this world to him. It was Thursday morning, they were at breakfast at their kitchen counter – on their own for once since Monica had left early for her monthly lunch date with her mother, or rather brunch since she still had the lunch shift this day. And Joey still kept pestering Chandler with questions, even though about half of him was still asleep and most of the other half worrying about an audition that afternoon. Some things just took a little longer to find a resting place in Joey's mind. Like forever.

"Sooo … in London, did you just do it in our hotel room or elsewhere too?"

"Just our room. We tried to do it in other rooms, but, well, people kept getting in the way –"

"Monica's room?"

"Rachel was there."

"Ross' room?"

"The honeymoon suite? Yup, tried it, but Ross came in -"

"That's too bad. Why didn't you just get a room of your own?"

Chandler opened his mouth and shut it again. Right, why hadn't they? In hindsight it seemed so obvious …

"I ... I don't know. It just didn't occur to us. I guess we just didn't have your – expertise."

Joey leaned back and smirked. "And after Ross came in you gave up."

"No … actually we wanted to have a go in the bathroom, but then he woke up. And then on the plane, since you know, we still were over international waters –"

"Huh?"

"You know. Not in New York. So the Not-In-New-York-Rule didn't apply yet."

"Oh. So you did it on the plane? Cool!"

"No, we didn't."

"Why not?"

"Because of you."

"What?"

"You kept talking to me while Monica waited for me at the toilets …"

Joey stared at him. "That was – oh my god. Dude, I'm sorry. Why didn't you tell me – oh. "

"Yeah, well. It worked out in the end."

"I'd say! And then you really did it here? Right away?"

"Pretty much." Chandler grinned, reminiscing in his mind and Joey winced at his expression.

"Dude! I can't believe you two! Did you do it over here too?"

Chandler shrugged nonchalantly. "Sure."

"Just in your bed or –"

"Pretty much everywhere I think."

"What? On this counter?"

"Yup."

"On the foosball table?"

"Yup. Didn't hold up too well though."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. It's really just a kind of foreplay table. Where else? On your chair?"

"Yup. On yours too."

"Du-ooh-de!"

"Oh come on. You did it on my chair too."

Joey glared and then grinned sheepishly. "I guess. So, where else?"

"Joey …"

"Come on! Did you do it on her couch?"

"Of course. Three … no, four times. I think." He shut his eyes pretending to count. "Does the carpet count extra, or does it belong to the couch?"

Joey pondered the question for a while. "Extra … I think. Alright, and ..?"

"The kitchen table …"

"Really? Coool! On the balcony too?"

"No, not the balcony. Too cold."

"Ah." Joey nodded wisely. "Yeah, that's really more of a summer place."

"I've put it on the list though."

"Good luck with that. So, anyplace else?"

"Well my office …"

"On the copy machine?"

"No! No, Monica didn't want that. But we did it at Ross place once …"

Joey grinned, and then suddenly narrowed his eyes at him.

"The closet!" he exclaimed. "You totally did it in the closet! When, when I was at PBS … weren't you?"

"No, not when you were at PBS."

"What?"

"You were already back. Don't you remember? We switched shirts? Incidentally, where is my shirt, still at your grandma's?"

Joey winced again. "Yeah … I'll ask her about it first thing tomorrow."

"You better. That's my favorite shirt!"

"Oh. Got it. You know I think she couldn't find any buttons that matched –"

"Oh no –"

"But – it'll be alright. Trust me. You'll get it back. Soon."

"When?"

"Well, right now she's in Napoli –"

"Oh, good, and did she take it with her?"

"No! It's in her work basket."

"So? Can't you get it? I don't care about the buttons!"

"Dude, it's her work basket. Nobody's allowed to touch her work basket. She'd kill me if I tried."

Chandler threw up his hands and groaned.

.

Joey had said he needed to be at his audition at 3 p.m. and wouldn't be back until 5 at the earliest, so he decided to leave work early in order to catch a couple hours with Monica alone, to make up in advance for Friday where they couldn't meet because she had a double shift on that day.

He had just gotten home and changed when he heard her running up the stairs, and the sound of her heels told him already that things hadn't gone well at the brunch or at work. Probably both. He got to his door just in time to catch her still in the hallway as she was searching for her keys. She jumped when he pounced on her and then just threw her arms around him with a huge sigh of relief, leaning against him while he pulled her into his apartment and kicked the door shut. He could still feel the nervous tension radiating from her, as if she was on a tightly coiled spring. Her eyes were glittering much too bright and she kept clenching her teeth. For a long moment they remained that way, while he stroked her hair and back soothingly and kissed her on the neck, until she relaxed at last and loosened her tight grip on him to get out of her coat. Then he drew her to him once more, bent his knees and picked her up bodily, hefted her in his arms while she squealed and giggled, and carried her into the living room. His breath gave out when he reached his barcalounger however, so he decided it was high time for a cuddle and sat down with her still on his lap. With one arm around her shoulder holding her to him, he stroked her hips and thighs over that tight grey skirt that she had bought especially for those lunch dates and that he bet her mother hadn't approved of, while surreptitiously searching for the zipper. Or button. Or slit, or any opening that would allow him access so he could slide his hand between her legs in that smooth pantyhose, while she squirmed and pressed against him, running her fingers through his hair while they kissed deeply and hungrily, coming up for air only to go for it again wildly.

But just when he slid his other hand further down her arm to cup her breast, the door opened and Joey came in, much too early, and scowling at them belligerently.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! None of that, not while you're living under my roof!"

"What?" They stared at him bewildered while Monica slid from his lap and they got up. My roof?! He still owed him rent for October, and this was already November the fifth.

Joey put his backpack on the kitchen counter and wagged an accusing finger.

"Look, just because I know about you two, doesn't mean I like looking at it."

"Aren't you supposed to be at an audition for another hour?" Chandler shot back and Joey's scowl deepened.

"Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman!" He hefted his backpack again and made a beeline for his room, while they gaped at him even more bewildered. "And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition!"

Ah, that explained so much. If there was one thing Joey hated it was a wasted audition – and even more if it was wasted through his own fault. Or that of his crazy agent.

Still on his way to his door Joey turned around once more to glare at them.

"Okay, look, if I have to pretend I don't know about you two, then you two are gonna have to pretend there's nothing to know about!"

Jeez, what was that all about? There was nobody here to pretend to. But still, he had a point, it wouldn't do for anybody else to find out yet. Not while they were still getting used to Joey knowing about them. And above all else they couldn't afford to get him mad at them.

"Okay." They said it together, rather meekly too, and adding a halfhearted "Sorry." Joey glared at them once more and at last went into his room. And naturally the second his door fell into the lock they were in each other's arms again, kissing as if there was no tomorrow. Until Joey called out from inside his room.

"I can hear that!"

This was getting ridiculous. And now his bedroom was out too, that only left -

"Rachel's at work." Monica said, smiling suggestively, and he spun around and rushed to the door, followed closely by her. While they stood at her door and Monica fumbled for her keys, they faintly heard Joey call out once more behind them.

"I can still hear you!"

Yeah, good luck with that. As soon as Monica had that door open and hung up her coat, he would whisk her away to her bedroom and mount another attack at that tight skirt. Maybe they would even manage a second go before Rachel came back – oh shoot.

"Um, hang on, I left the condoms in my room. Be right back!"

When he darted into his room to get the box from the nightstand he heard Joey get up and walk to the door. So instead of just tearing off two or three of the little squares he took the whole coil, letting it unroll and went out again with the condom chain trailing from his hand, whistling and grinning cheerfully at his roommate wo glared at him silently from his bedroom door with his arms crossed. Yeah, it was a cheap joke, but he just couldn't resist. Some things had definitely changed for the better around here.

Monica was sitting on her bed, waiting for him, still fully dressed – she knew how much he loved undressing her, especially when she was in such a severe and businesslike outfit. When she saw the long coil of condoms she giggled.

"Are you sure those are enough?"

"You should have seen Joey's face. I just couldn't resist." He got on his knees before her and put his head on her lap, wrapping his arms around her waist and sliding his hands under her tight black shirt. She buried her fingers in his hair and sank back on the bed, sighing contentedly.

"Mmmh … I really needed that … ah … um, careful with those buttons –"

"Got them …" He opened the buttons one by one from the bottom, kissing the exposed areas of her abdomen and belly as he went. "So, I take it your mother was in good form today?"

"Mmmh. Like you wouldn't believe. That brunch was even worse than our usual lunch dates." She pushed her hands under his vest and sweater to trail her fingers over his shoulders and down his spine, causing him to break out in goosebumps as she caressed each vertebra separately.

"Stands to reason. Since it was earlier, she'd still have all her ammunition." He arrived at her bra and managed to open it with one hand while his other was still busy figuring out the zipper of her skirt.

"Oh god. Maybe I should only have dinner with her from now on. Or a midnight snack." She raised herself slightly as he pushed the shirt over her shoulders to wriggle out of the sleeves and bra straps and then lay back again, sighing and screaming softly when he started to kiss her breasts and suck at her nipples. When his sweater got too hot for him he let go of her briefly to tear it over his head and then trailed his hands down her legs to her feet, to remove her shoes. Then came her skirt, drawn down slowly and lovingly over her hips and legs, and her pantyhose which he pushed down each leg separately while kissing his way down it as he went. When it was gone and he reached for her thong, her breath rate had noticeably sped up and she clenched her hands on his neck and shoulders as he kissed the inside of her thighs and then her labia while he eased the thong over her buttocks and thighs. Then she kicked it away and scooted back on the bed, drawing him up and over her, kissing him and fumbling urgently at the zipper of his pants while he kicked off his shoes. She yanked his pants and boxers down and grabbed his penis, squeezing it gently while she brought the tip to her mouth to lick it. He tore off a condom from the coil with shaking hands and let her open it and put it on him. Then she lay back, opening her arms and legs to him invitingly, wrapping herself around him, squirming and straining and moaning into their kiss as he entered her.

.

They joined Joey on the couch in Central Perk a couple hours later, ignoring first his knowing grin and then his scowl as Chandler put his arm around Monica's shoulder as unobtrusively as possible. When Phoebe entered, he hurriedly draped it over the backrest of the couch instead, but she was too preoccupied with the big carton she put on the big chair to notice anything.

"Hey, what's that?" Monica asked.

"Yeah, my mom sent me a family heirloom that once belonged to my grandmother. Can you believe it?! A year ago I didn't even have a family, and now I have heirlooms for crying out loud!"

"Well, the only heirloom I ever got was a feather boa." Monica frowned at him and he elaborated. "Got it from my dad. He got it from his dad." He secretly rejoiced when she couldn't help smiling and carefully capped off the joke. "How did I ever get born?"

His complacency was jolted however when Phoebe matter-of-factly took out a huge knife from her boot to open the box with. Monica however never battened an eyelash so he guessed she'd seen it before. Then he got the next shock as Phoebe threw the contents of the box disgustedly at them. Joey nearly shot out of his seat when it unfolded in his lap, until he noticed that it was just a fur coat and clutched it to him delightedly. "Ooh, soft. Is this mink?

"Yeah! Why would my mother send me a fur? Doesn't she know me but at all! Plus, I have a perfectly fine coat that no innocent animal suffered to make!"

"Yeah, just some 9-year-old Filipino kids who worked their fingers bloody for 12 cents an hour." He only realized what he'd said when it was already out, as always, and as always he tried to take it back though he knew perfectly well that it never worked. "That didn't happen, I made that up!"

Fortunately Ross chose that moment to enter and save him further embarrassment. He had a flyer that Gunther tried in vain to stop him from putting up and that apparently listed things he needed to get rid of - or rather all of his things, as Monica stated correctly. Because Emily wanted him to get rid of everything – especially everything to do with Rachel - and start a new life with her. Change everything.

"Look, if I can just do what Emily wants and get her to New York, I'm sure everything will be fine."

Yeah, and believe in Santa Claus and the Easter bunny too while he was at it.

"Okay, but don't you think this is a little extreme?"

"After what I did? Can you blame her?"

Poor Ross. He could only hope that Ross would manage to get his wife to see some sense again. Or he would be lost to them, maybe for good. As soon as Ross headed for the bathroom – after his stomach troubles had been resolved his bladder had started to act up – Joey voiced what they were all thinking, and getting all het up about it too.

"What is he doing? What, Emily, thinks Ross's furniture has got Rachel cooties? Everything's gettin' all messed up! Emily won't let Ross see Rachel, we're not gonna stop seeing Rachel, hence Ross stops seeing us!"

"I hate this. Everything's changing." Phoebe said sadly.

"Yeah I know, we're losing Ross, Joey said hence …" But deep inside he was more concerned than he let on. He didn't want things to change. If more things changed it would mean that ultimately his relationship with Monica would change too, if he wanted it or not. And he wasn't ready for it. Not by a long way.

Finally Joey grudgingly agreed to try and keep his feelings about Emily to himself, like the others – with the help of his acting skills if necessary - and when Ross returned from the bathroom the subject was closed. For now. Though it still continued to worry him.

.

The following morning, as they met in the Perk again for their Friday morning coffees, Phoebe tried to fob off the fur coat to Joey who seemed quite taken with it, putting it on and parading with it.

"Eh? All right, what do you think?"

"You're on in five, Ms. Minnelli." Chandler commented drily. Joey pouted and reluctantly returned the coat to Phoebe who glowered at him. And then Ross arrived with the news of even more changes.

"Oh, actually, great news! I just got off the phone with Emily and it looks like I'm moving to a new apartment. Her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other."

"That's way uptown!" Joey protested. "That's like three trains away!" When Phoebe pinched him viciously, he changed his sentiment in a hurry. "Which is great! I love to ride that rail!"

Ross had to admit that it was a little far from work, but thought it would give him time to get things done while commuting, so he had actually been getting the gift of time. Great. Add space to that and they could make a continuum – hopefully one in which nothing would change so much so fast.

Later when Ross had left Monica and Rachel stormed in all excited because they had met – and fogged – some monster guy in the cellar. Rachel especially was very proud of having fogged this 'crazy-eyed, hairy beast man, like a bigfoot or a yeti', and quite crushed when it turned out that it just had been their new neighbor.

"Yeah, you fogged Danny." Joey smirked.

"Please! We did not fog Danny! Who's Danny?

"Dan just moved in downstairs. Yeah, he just got back from like this four-month trek in the Andes. Nice fella."

Right, that guy, the one he had secretly named 'Tarzan'. 'Yeti' seemed a much cooler name though, why hadn't he come up with that?

"Oh, he's nice. He's nice! You know, you always stick up for the people we fog!" Monica claimed heatedly and he was glad he had kept out of this discussion. Bug bomb spray was really hard to get out of one's clothes and hair. He knew only too well.

.

He had to hand it to Emily, she got things moving much faster than any of them had expected. Quite early the next morning already all of them were busy helping Ross to pack and clear out of his apartment. All of them except Rachel of course, who had quite tactfully for once elected to go shopping instead. After the packing was finished they started to carry the cartons and furniture down to the move-it-yourself van Ross had rented. When it turned out that the big carton would not be moved – no wonder since it contained basically rocks – he snatched up a smaller carton and rushed down the stairs after Monica, hoping for a quick cuddle or at least a kiss on the landing. They hadn't seen each other since the Yeti incident and he was getting quite desperate for her. If only Ross didn't have to move, they could have had the whole Saturday morning to themselves in his bedroom. Instead he had to move rocks.

Yup, he really hated it when things changed.

He caught up with Monica on the second floor landing and they hugged and kissed in a corner until Phoebe came in again downstairs and got into the elevator. When all three of them returned to the almost empty apartment, Joey had just come clean to Ross about their true feelings about Emily. And yes, they didn't really hate Emily, but Monica was right, the sacrifices she demanded from Ross were just too much, and he said as much.

"Look, we just think that maybe she's being a little unreasonable."

"Unreasonable? How about we have this conversation when one of you guys gets married! You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work! All right, it's about compromise! Do you always like it? No! Do you do it? Yes! Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time! It's real life, okay? It's what grown-ups do!"

And with that he stormed out, leaving them looking at each other sheepishly.

"I think he's right. You guys hang out at the coffeehouse way too much." Phoebe said sadly.

"Well, I could do with one more coffee there" he replied and after some reproachful glances and sighs the others agreed.

In the Perk Joey took great care to sit between him and Monica and moreover refused to take the blame for Ross' outburst, just like Phoebe who now refused to get rid of her fur coat that by then she had come to love, claiming it was the best thing she'd ever had wrapped around her, including Phil Huntley, whoever that was – he really didn't want to know.

After they had restored their morale again with coffee they returned to apologize to Ross, trying to get him around again with a new song by Phoebe (which she got no chance to try out, no matter how hard she tried) and an invitation to dinner. Chandler's heart sank at that offer of Monica's because it meant that the evening too would be lost for them, but had to admit that some things were more important. More important even than sex with Monica.

Fortunately not a lot were.

And when evening came, things indeed looked up a little. Monica had happily spent the whole afternoon preparing an elaborate dinner – since it contained all sorts of delicious stuff, a lot of it wrapped and baked, and there was wine too, it was really a feat – Joey was losing himself in a new fantasy of possessing perfect acting skills, Rachel was happy because she had been on a pizza date with Danny the Yeti of all people and Phoebe got all excited when she discovered that Ugly Naked Guy had finally returned to his apartment and they all could watch him again. Indeed, all six of them together peaceably united at the living room window watching the UNG in all his naked glory unpack.

"Wow, this is so weird. I just realized this might be the last time we'll all be hanging out together." As Monica said that he felt a shiver run down his spine. Could this really be it? Were these changes really worth it just to maintain a marriage? A marriage he was quite sure was doomed anyway?

"It's almost as if he knew ..." Joey added reverently.

Then the phone rang and it was Emily trying to track down Ross once more and when she found out that Rachel was there things finally came to a head. He couldn't quite understand Emily's reasoning, since Rachel couldn't really help being there – after all it was her apartment – but apparently it was the final straw for her. Ross retired to the balcony for a long discussion, not really helped by Joey's meddling with the phone, and when he returned, grey-faced and hollow-eyed, it was over for good.

"My marriage is over" was all he could say, and it was enough. They sat him down at the kitchen table, promising to help him with everything, to get him through this, and Phoebe even wrapped her fur coat around him to keep him warm. And that was that. One big change averted after all.

Now all that remained was getting Ross' furniture back from Gunther.

.

He hadn't really expected her to sneak over that night, since Ross had been so miserable that Monica offered to let him stay the night and sleep on her couch, so when she did come to his room and wordlessly slid under the covers, he was too surprised and also relieved at first to notice that she was crying. When he finally did, he contented himself with just holding her close, until she calmed again.

"Is it our fault?" she asked at last, her voice muffled because her face was pressed to his chest.

"No. No, it's not. It was bound to happen. It couldn't have worked in a million years."

"But he was right. You have to compromise. And sacrifice. We should have done that too. If we had all tried a little harder -"

"Maybe, but it would only have delayed the end a little longer. I think it's good he got out now. This way he's still got us. And we've still got him."

"Mmmh."

"Did you really want Emily to have him all for herself? Rachel would not have been enough for her. Eventually she would have cut him off from you too, and me and the others, and then your parents even. You'd never have seen him again."

"I guess you're right. But I still feel sorry for her. I wanted them to work so badly."

"Yeah, I guess me too. But it wasn't meant to be. Some changes just aren't meant to happen after all."

"What?"

"As Joey said. Too many things have been changing. At least that's one change that didn't happen." He tightened his arms around her and gently kissed her on the neck. She stirred at that and raised her head, searching for his mouth and they kissed, gently at first and then with more urgency. As his hands started roaming again she clung to him, breathing heavily, then suddenly she drew back.

"Oh no …"

"What?"

"I forgot to bring the condoms … Do you have some more here?"

He closed his eyes and swore.