AUTHOR'S NOTE: I don't know what else to say other than "WOW!" Thank you all so much for your reviews! Every single one I read made me giddy, and I thank you all so much. It means so much that you're taking the time to read this and I just thank you from the bottom of my heart. To KittyVuitton, you made my day. And JoanB102001, I would like to reach through this computer and hug you. Really. Your support completely astounds me. And to everyone else, you are all amazing and I love you all. Kisses and gropes and extremely inappropriate pillow talk to everyone.

Also, whoever submitted the Russian translations last chapter (can't tell who you are, you did it anonymously), thanks so much!

Something quick before I start: the time differences can be a little confusing, but just so you're aware, this chapter occurs about a week after the last one… So technically in this chapter, Edward's already been in Forks for a week. But sssssh, you don't know that and neither does Bella.. or anyone else in town for that matter. Except Carlisle and Esme. And maybe Alice…

I won't waste your time as I'm sure you're anxious to find out what happens next… so we'll just skip to that part. Here we go!

CHAPTER ELEVEN- NOT LIKE THE MOVIES

He put it on me, I put it on,
Like there was nothing wrong.
It didn't fit, it wasn't right.
Wasn't just the size.
They say you know, when you know.
I don't know.

I didn't feel the fairytale feeling, no.
Am I a stupid girl for even dreaming that I could?

-Not Like the Movies, Katy Perry

BPOV

"Ouch. Shit," I squeaked, placing the knife down on the table. I held my finger away from my face, turning my head away from it so as to stay as far away from the blood as possible. I already felt lightheaded just knowing there were drops of blood on my finger and if Jake didn't come over in two seconds I knew I was going to…

"Jesus Christ, Bella," he mumbled, grabbing my hand. "I can't trust you to do anything around here."

"It was the knife," I protested, keeping my eyes closed as I pointed accusatorially to the offending object. "It attacked me."

"Mhmm," he responded, distracted as he moved away to grab a napkin. "You know, you're lucky I'm here to save the day. It pains me to think of all the ways you injure yourself when you're here alone."

"More than you can dream of," I mumbled, my head still turned away in disgust.

We were at my apartment, preparing a beef and potatoes dinner—well, steak and baked potatoes and salad dinner, really, but who cares—and I had been slicing up onions for the salad when I filleted my finger with the knife. I was acting like a huge baby, I know, but I couldn't stand the sight, smell, thought of blood and since there was someone else here to clean up the gushing mess, then I certainly wasn't going to do it.

"Well, here we go again," he said, running the tap water in the sink. "Yet another reason why you should just move in with me. You'll be able to keep all ten of your fingers."

I sighed. "Will you stop making fun of me and just fix my damn finger before I bleed out?" I snapped.

He laughed good-humoredly. "You're not going to die, Bella. There's not even a trickle."

"Seriously?" I asked, opening my eyes. Sure enough, the bastard was right. There was maybe two drops of blood on the napkin he had pressed to my finger. "Well I'll be damned."

Jake snorted and rolled his eyes. "Here, ya damn baby. I'm gonna go set the table."

I stuck my tongue out at him as he walked over to the metal card table-turned dining table in the corner of the tiny kitchen. "You're lucky you're cute, asshole. Otherwise I'd toss you out on your ear."

"Hah!" he snorted, grabbing two plates—that didn't match because I didn't actually own a full set—out of the cabinet. "I'd like to see you try. You see this?" He set the plates down and gestured to his rather impressive physique. "That's one hundred and eighty pounds of pure muscle, baby."

I batted my eyelashes. "One hundred and eighty pounds of sex appeal."

"Don't tempt me, Bella Swan. I'd like to have a civil dinner, for once."

Cue the ever-present, rather annoying and at times downright pathetic reminiscing. He'd called me Bella Swan. My name was Isabella Marie Swan again. No longer Bella Cullen or Isabella Swan Cullen. Sure, I'd gotten used to signing the check for the bills with Swan, but hearing it come from someone else's mouth was strange. And it had been three years and I still couldn't get used to it.

"Babe? You still with me?"

I blinked. Jake was standing in front of me, waving a hand right in front of my face. He was grinning goofily but I could see a touch of concern and hurt in his eyes. It made me feel even shittier.

I grinned and smacked his hand away lightly. "Yes, sorry. Hey, would you mind finishing the salad while I go find some wine?"

He rolled his eyes and picked up the knife. He waved it in my face. "It won't hurt you, Bella." He grinned wickedly.

"Hah!" I replied. I stomped from the kitchen, squeaking when he swatted my butt playfully, and went into the living room where I kept the wine rack—because there was no room for it in the kitchen. I didn't have much; just a few bottles of whatever was on sale at Costco. But Jake never complained and I didn't notice a difference between that and the three hundred dollar bottles that… Edward… used to buy, so I was perfectly content. Of course, I was no wine sommelier, but it all tasted good to me.

"What do you want, Jake? White or red?"

His response made me chuckle. "The finest, most expensive bottle in the house," he replied in a pretentious voice.

"Okay, so the thirteen dollar one."

He snickered. "I don't care which, whatever you want."

I pulled the bottle of Merlot from the rack and went back into the kitchen. I smiled at the sight that welcomed me. He had finished the salad, set the table, lit candles and was offering me a pleasant view of his ass as he pulled the potatoes from the oven.

I whistled through my teeth. "My oh my, would you look at that."

He turned, grinning at me. He shimmied his hips playfully. "You like?"

I nodded. "Much so."

He stood up. "Good, because that's all you'll be seeing tonight. I need to fix your furnace before it starts getting cold."

I sighed. "Aw hell, I was hoping we were going to try out that mirror I hung up over my bed."

That got his attention and his eyebrows shot up. "Are you kidding?"

I giggled. "Nope."

"Well, alright then. Hell, I can always just leave the furnace like it is. All the more incentive for you to move in with me." He switched off the oven and before I knew it I was being swept up into his arms, tossed over his shoulder and carried into my small bedroom. I shrieked when he threw me onto the bed, laughing as I landed amongst the five hundred throw pillows piled at the headboard—gifts from Rosalie.

The slut.

Jake collapsed on top of me, grabbing my sides and squeezing them, tickling me in the worst way possible. I shrieked and screamed, writhing and bucking to get him off. That only made it worse, as soon I wasn't able to breathe and felt like my lungs would explode.

"Okay Jake… enough, enough… I can't… I can't breathe…"

He slowed down, chuckling with me as we settled more comfortably on the bed. As we began to realize our positions—my legs spread and his hips pressing firmly against my center—the tone shifted from one of playfulness to one of intensity in a matter of seconds. My breath caught in my throat at the heat of Jacob's stare as his traced a finger down my cheek.

"Bella…?" he asked, unsure of what to do.

"Yeah?"

He swallowed audibly. "Do you… I mean… shit… I'm twenty-seven years old and I'm asking you like I'm sixteen… well, what I mean is… um…"

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "Kiss me, Jake."

"Bella, are you sure—"

"Just kiss me."

His mouth settled on mine, slow and uncertain. When I pressed into him eagerly, he responded a bit more enthusiastically, though still unsure and hesitant as he opened his mouth. My hands went up into his hair—too short—and my fingers grasped at the hair that I could wrap my fingers into. My legs spread wider as he settled his hips between them more firmly and my feet came up to rest on the backs of his calves. One of his hands cupped my cheek gently while the other moved down to my hip, brushing lightly against the skin between my jeans and the hem of my shirt, which had ridden up a considerable amount.

My legs tightened around him as I felt his hardness against me. I couldn't help the arch of my back as I reached into him, searching for some kind of physical gratification. His breath hitched in his throat and his grip tightened on my hip as his other hand reached down to grasp the hip opposite. He pulled me up tightly against him, rocking his hips forward slightly to meet a soft, somewhat fumbled thrust.

In all the awkwardness and uncertainty, I found my footing and boldly pushed up on him. Rolling him over, I straddled his hips and, in a moment of brazen lust, pulled my shirt over my head. We'd gotten this far before, but going further had never been a consideration. Something about this time, something about the intense possibility of the choice that lay with us like a large elephant taking up half the bed, made everything much more intense. The air crackled with palpable energy as I slowly dropped the shirt to the floor.

The look in Jake's eyes was one I recognized, though I hadn't seen it since…

It was a look of adoration, of assurance, of protection and of encouragement. Smiling at me softly, Jacob reached up and brushed a thumb along my jaw, cupping my neck in a hot hand. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, his eyes full to the brim of all those things that made me feel precious and loved. Taking a deep breath, I gently lowered myself onto his chest. Barely touching, I leaned down and pressed my lips against his, bracing my hands on his chest as his hands wrapped around my waist to press against my back.

Everything escalated. The heat of his hands seemed to be conveyed by some current to a receptor between my legs and I pressed against him harder. My hips ground against his. My hands clutched at his arms. My lips traced down his neck as his breathing picked up, tongue tracing the pulse point between his neck and shoulder. His fingers dug into my back and his hips thrust upward as a loud groan tore from his throat.

Garnering my courage once again, I sat up and reached behind my back for my bra. But as I looked up at Jacob, it wasn't his face I was seeing at all.

It was Edward's.

"Baby, you know we don't have to do this," he said. His hands held my hips tightly, either stopping me from continuing me or stopping me from running away, I wasn't sure. The credits of Casablanca were rolling behind us against the flat wall of his house and the darkness was deadly quiet. His parents had gone out to some society function dinner, Emmett was out at another late football practice and Alice was over at a friend's house. The only lights on were in the dining room, a distant twinkle coming from deep within the house.

We'd been fooling around for a while—before the movie had even ended. It started out with a few innocent kisses, which led to making out, which then led to pressing against each other. My ass ground against his erection unconsciously as my head turned toward him, and then his hands inched down the front of my shirt to cup my breasts.

Now I was straddling him, a bit caught up in my hormones and the heat of the moment. My shirt was laying somewhere at the edge of the blanket along with my bra. My breathing was harsh and heavy as excitement and lust fogged my senses. His words, however, had broken through that cloud and a wave of nerves flooded my veins.

"I know," I replied. "I want to." I would have sounded confident. Had my voice not cracked.

He pulled me down on top of him and I thought we were going to start making out again. But gently he rolled me over so that he was lying on top of me, protecting me from the cool night air. Bracing up on his elbows, Edward peered down at me. "We can wait, sweetheart. We have all the time in the world. And in all honesty, I would prefer having sex with you for the first time in a bed, not outside on a blanket in the middle of fall."

I just shook my head, looking down. "No, that's not it."

He tipped my head up with a finger. "Then what is it?"

"I'm worried I'm not… Well I mean, you're you, and I'm me." Oh God, the rambling was starting. I willed my mouth to stay closed, but it wouldn't. And it seemed like the more I tried, the more I spoke. "I know you're not a virgin or anything… I mean, how could I expect you to be? You're gorgeous and smart and… well… ripped, and all the freshmen girls love you—well, all the girls love you, really—and I'm not sure if I can measure up to Jessica or Lauren or Kate or… that new Russian girl… Irina or whatever…"

"Bella, hush."

"…I mean, her boobs are huge. And mine are… well, mine are—"

"Rather nice, if I do say do myself," he smirked, cupping both in his hands and smoothing the pads of his thumbs over the nipples.

I smacked his hands away."Edward, stop."

"No, you stop. You're being ridiculous."

"No, I'm being serious. What if I'm not… you know, good… enough? What if this totally sucks for you and all this…" I gestured to my pussy, "isn't as sexy as you seem to think it will be? I mean, God, you're…" I reached up and traced my fingers down his abs, loving the defined ridges I felt beneath my fingertips. He shuddered, his eyes glowing as a cocky smirk lit up his face.

Bastard.

"Hot? Chiseled? Rugged? Undeniably sexy?"

I rolled my eyes and smacked him in the side. "No, you're fat."

He chuckled, lowering himself down further on top of me. He was now braced on his elbows and was pressed against me, breast to foot. I shivered under his body heat.

"We should have talked about this before." He sighed. "I guess that's my fault. Yes, I have had sex before." He laid a finger over my mouth before I could protest. "Emmett helped sneak me into a club in Port Angeles last summer and I had sex with some girl I didn't know in a dirty bathroom stall. I never got her number, I don't think I even remember her name." I was looking away from him, up into the trees. I didn't like hearing about other girls he'd been with. He tipped my chin back toward him. "There were a few others, but they were all just girls I met once at a club or something. They didn't mean anything." He kissed me lightly on the nose. "You do."

I nodded, believing him. He leaned down and kissed me, soft and lingering.

"Come on," he said, rolling away from me and sitting up. He reached for his shirt and began putting it on. "Let's just go inside. Mom and Dad won't be home for another few hours and we can watch another movie before I have to take you home."

I didn't want to go inside and watch a movie. I was nervous and scared and self-conscious but that didn't mean I didn't want to do this. I wanted him, in that way, and I didn't want him to think that I wasn't ready or that I didn't want to take that step.

I reached for him, grasping his shoulder. "No, let's stay out here for a little while longer. It's such a pretty night—you can see the stars for once." He looked up at the sky, pensive. I pulled out the innocent girl card. I bit my lip, widening my eyes. "And I'm cold."

It wasn't a lie… I was.

He looked over his shoulder at me, arching an eyebrow at the face I was making. I probably looked like a pouty five-year-old, but I didn't care. "You can get warm in the house."

I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering. "Please?"

He sighed and rolled back over.

"You're killing me, Bella."

"I know," I said, wrapping my arms around him. "I'm sorry."

He arched an eyebrow. "No you're not."

I shook my head, running my hands up and down his torso. "Nope."

He smirked. "Minx." He leaned down, pressing his lips against my neck. "Please, baby, let's just go inside. We can do this in my bed. If you want to be kinky, we can do it on the couch. I just want to do this inside, not in the dirt. You mean more to me than that. You're not just some girl I met, drunk in a club."

I nodded. "I know that. And… I know you want it to be special. But to me, this is special. I'm outside on a clear night, watching one of my favorite movies with a guy I…" I couldn't say it yet. Bearing my hymen to him was embarrassing enough… I couldn't bear my heart yet, especially if he didn't feel the same way. All that in one night was too much and I would die of mortification before we ever made it to second base.

"With a guy that I care a lot about," I amended. "I don't need more than that. I just… I just need you."

It was so cheesy. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping he wasn't going to laugh at me in my face. I didn't think I could handle much more embarrassment at the moment.

But I was surprised.

He pressed his lips against mine, hard. His hands cupped my face, not so much to comfort, but to hold me against his mouth. I was surprised by his urgency, taken aback a bit, but I responded nevertheless. My arms wrapped around his neck, my back arching and hips pressing up against his. He groaned softly, the sound making goosebumps break out across my skin. Pulling his lips away, he trailed them across my jaw and down my neck. I shivered as he made his way back up my neck, his lips resting against my ear.

"Promise me you won't regret this, Bella," he whispered. "I don't think… I'm not sure I could handle it if you ended up regretting this one day."

I shook my head, my eyes scrunching. He wasn't making any sense. Why would I regret this? He was Edward Cullen. The center of my whole world. I couldn't breathe if he wasn't there, wouldn't function if he didn't exist. What was it Catherine Linton said? If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger? It seemed to fit.

"Edward, I wouldn't," I assured him. I tried to convey just how sure I was about this. I didn't know how I could make him see. "I won't."

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He nodded, more to himself than to me, and opened his eyes again. All doubt seemed to evaporate from his eyes. He grinned down at me, the crooked smile that would have made the most beautiful of angels jealous. He bent down and kissed me again.

This time, he didn't stop. He kissed me harder and harder, his tongue working its way into my mouth and dancing with mine. His hands, which were braced against the ground next to my rib cage to keep his weight off of me, shifted, and he lowered himself more fully on top of me. One hand came up and brushed along my side, tickling me. A giggle erupted from my mouth and I shuddered against him. I clapped my hand over my mouth, but he laughed along with me, tracing my cheek with his thumb.

He didn't say anything, just looked down at me. There was an expression in his eyes that I had seen before; more and more frequently recently. His eyes glowed brightly like he held a secret; this kind of overwhelming, consuming secret that had the magic of solving all of the world's problems. I didn't know what it was, I just knew that when he looked at me like that, my insides melted and my heart swooned.

He brought his mouth back down to mine. His hand covered my breast, massaging it lightly as his mouth picked up speed again. I trembled against him, arching and mewing. I shifted restlessly, grinding my hips up against his.

"Sssh, Bella," his whispered against my neck. "Let me do this right. Please. Keep that up and this won't last very long."

But I couldn't help it. Maybe it was a combination of lust and anxiety and love and adrenaline, but my body was quaking, my hips were twitching and my heart was pounding. "Please, Edward, I'm ready. Make… make love to me now." I cringed as the words left my mouth, waiting to see if he was going to laugh at me.

He didn't. He trailed kisses slowly down my neck, down my chest and over my breasts. He sucked on one nipple, then the other, and continued to move down, not stopping. Over my belly button. Down. Across my hips. Down further still.

My eyelids fluttered closed when I felt his fingers and his tongue. Hissing through my teeth, I wrapped my fingers through his hair, clutching his face closer. When his tongue licked roughly against my clit, I bucked against him.

"You're so wet," he moaned against me, adding his fingers to the assault he was waging against my body. I cried out, a sound that stopped in my throat when his fingers curled forward and rubbed against a spot that set fire to my blood.

"Fuck," I panted, my hands reaching up to grab hold of something… anything. I knew what was coming—no pun intended—and I was going to lose control of myself quickly. And that's just what happened. My toes curled as I felt my abdomen tighten, my mouth dropping open involuntarily and my eyes squeezing shut as my pussy clenched. Cries came out of my mouth that didn't even sound like me; they sounded like they came out of the mouth of some sex-kitten porn star, not the shy, mousy daughter of the Police Chief.

As I came back around, my hands releasing the blanket, I felt Edward placing hot, wet kisses on my stomach, brushing lightly against the outsides of my thighs. He looked up at me, grinning.

"Hey," he smiled.

"Shut up."

He chuckled, slowly climbing back up my body. He placed kisses on my breasts, sloppy, nipping ones, before he was aligned with me, knee to breast.

"How was that?"

I sighed. "You killed me, Edward."

He looked up at me, grinning. "Oh really."

"Cocky bastard," I mumbled, rolling my eyes at him.

"I'll show you cocky," he growled, and suddenly, he was right there. His condom-covered tip pressing against me, opening me, teasing. Where the condom had come from, I didn't know. But at the moment, I didn't care.

I gasped a little, all teasing having gone out of my body. This was serious. Life or death of my hymen.

He pressed against me, easing himself in slightly. "You're sure?" he grunted, asking once last time.

I nodded. "Just do it. Don't wait, don't count to three, don't ease in, just rip off the—"

He pushed in fully, burying himself.

"Band-Aid!" I squeaked. "Shit!"

It hurt. All that bullshit the Internet had fed me about how it was only supposed to hurt a little, or bring a mild discomfort was false. It hurt. A lot. It stung and burned and I felt my eyes widening as I exhaled a shaky breath. Tears welled up in my eyes, even though I know it was stupid to cry. I bit my lip, hard, my chin trembling as my eyes squeezed shut.

"Bella? Baby, talk to me. You won't notice it as much if you're distracted."

My eyes snapped open. "What are we supposed to talk about?" I barked. "How pretty the night sky is?"

He chuckled, leaning down to kiss my forehead. He brushed some hair out of my face. "Talk to me about how you're feeling."

"Edward, your monster cock just ripped through my muscle tissue. How do you think I'm feeling?"

"I'm sorry baby," he whispered. He did truly look sorry, and nervous, and anxious, and I felt like shit for snapping at him. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled his head down to kiss me. This caused him to push further into me, causing me to gasp and wince.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

I shook my head, holding onto him to keep him from moving. "Just… hold still."

The night was quiet, save for our heavy breathing as the sharp pain began to dull slightly.

"So," he said, his eyes mischievous. "I take this to mean we won't be doing anal any time soon?"

I glared at him. "You're an asshole."

"Pun intended?"

I rolled my eyes. "Mature."

"You love it."

I didn't answer. Because yes, I did. And I loved him. But it wasn't right to say that right now.

"Are you okay?" he whispered.

"No," I replied, biting my lip. "But I'm getting there. Give me another minute?"

He nodded. "All the time you need, love."

I traced my initials in his chest with my fingernail. BS. BS. BS + EC.

"Hey Edward, do you think your parents would mind if we carved our initials into the tree?"

He glanced behind me at the large oak. "I don't see why not. They like you enough."

I huffed.

"I'll just have to find room. You know, next to the twenty or so other girls whose virginities I've taken out here."

I smacked his chest.

"But we'll put a heart around yours." He grinned cheekily.

I groaned. "You suck."

In response, he leaned down and latched on to my neck, sucking gently. He pulled back after a moment and grinned at what I assumed to be a hicky. "Mmmm, I suck well."

I shook my head, chuckling. As I laughed, I felt my walls tighten. But rather than being painful, I was surprised to feel a shot of pleasure burn through my belly. My eyes widened, as did Edward's, and he thrust forward gently.

"Feel good?" he whispered.

My eyes drifted closed as I nodded gently.

"No, no," he murmured, tipping my chin up. "Open your eyes. I want to watch you."

I lifted my lids to meet his intense gaze, watching as he raised himself up with his arms braced on either side of me. His jaw clenched as he pulled back and then pushed forward.

I moaned.

He did this again and again, his thrusts picking up in speed and strength as I encouraged him little by little. My hips began to meet him, my hands clenched on his back, my thighs squeezed around him. My eyes fluttered a few times, but with a sharp thrust he forced me to open them again.

"Fuck, Bella," he groaned. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"Edward, I'm… oh God…"

"Are you going to cum?"

I nodded, exhaling a shaky breath. "Soon."

He picked up his pace, which I didn't think was possible, and brought a hand down to where we were joined. Brushing a thumb against my clit, he passed once, twice, three times before I arched against him violently.

"Oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God," I chanted as wave after wave crashed over me.

"That's it baby," he whispered, encouraging. "Give it to me."

I clung to him, whimpering as I came down. He pulled out, causing me to wince slightly and rolled over. His discarded the condom before gathering me into his arms, pulling me tightly against him. He cradled my face in his shoulder, tracing my cheek tenderly.

"That wasn't supposed to happen," I whispered softly.

His hands stilled and his body tensed. He pulled back from me slightly, and as I looked up I saw his face cloud with anger and hurt. I couldn't understand why. Was I bad for him? Did I not do something right? Did he regret…

"No!" I cried out, grabbing back for him. "No, Edward, that's not what I meant. I meant I wasn't supposed to cum. Not that we weren't supposed to… you know."

He looked at me, confused.

"Who says that isn't supposed to happen?"

I cleared my throat, wrapping the blanket around my shoulders as I sat up. "When I looked this up on the Internet. The website said that most women didn't have an orgasm on their first time. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm a lightweight. Maybe—"

"You… you looked this up on the Internet?" he looked like he was trying to hold back laughter.

"Well, what was I supposed to do?" I asked, a blush creeping up my neck. "Ask my Dad? Just walk in and say, 'Hey Dad, teach me how to have sex.'"

Edward winced. "God, I would hope not."

I rolled my eyes. "That's not what I meant."

He pulled me back into his arms, kissing my shoulder. "I know, love. I just… well, you could have asked me?"

I snorted. "That's almost worse. I'd be showcasing just how inexperienced I am."

He kissed the top of my head. "Believe it or not, baby, that's a part of your charm."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah right."

He laid back on the blanket, pulling me on top of his chest. "I'm serious. You don't know how… much it means to me that you did this with me. That you let me… have that part of you."

"It's just my virginity, Edward. You already have my heart. Isn't that enough?"

His eyes grew incredibly tender as he cupped my chin, brushing his thumb along my jaw. He smiled. "Yes, Bella, it is. And it always will be."

I leaned forward to kiss him, my breasts pressing against his chest. I gasped when I felt him harden against my thigh.

"Edward…"

"Are you sore?" he asked.

"I… um... yeah, a little…" But my body seemed to not care, because as I said the words, I sat up, my thighs laying on either side of his. I felt his length press against my center and tried desperately to stifle the whimper and shiver that went through my body.

His eyes danced. "Now you see, this position is extremely beneficial for the woman because it allows for deeper penetration the stimulation of the—"

Rolling my eyes, I clamped a hand over his mouth. "Enough, Encyclopedia Brown."

He brushed my hand away and I leaned down to kiss the smirk off of his face.

We didn't make love again that night. We messed around for a little, but soon the cold became too much for the both of us and we packed up and went inside, stark naked. We showered together, too content to do anything other than hold each other. He drove me home, kissing me softly before giving me that look again and telling me he would see me the next—

"Are you… are you having second thoughts?"

Reality dumped a bucket of cold water on my face. Staring down at the hurt expression on Jacob's face, it was all I had not to cry. I had hurt him, yet again, and he didn't even know why. He thought I was rejecting him, or that I wasn't ready.

"Jake… no, I…"

He gently pushed me over him, rolling out from beneath me and sitting up on the edge of the bed, hunting for his shirt. I sat up, wrapping my arms around him from behind.

"Jake, please don't go. I… I want to do this. I want you to stay. Just please… don't—"

"I need to go home," he said softly.

"What? No! We still have to eat dinner, and I rented Casablanca for us to watch, and we—"

He turned slightly in my arms, looking back at me. "Bella, I can't stay here, with you, like this, while you keep thinking about your ex-husband."

I wasn't sure which hurt more; that I'd underestimated his feelings and thought he couldn't possibly know what was going through my head when I zoned out on him, or that it was hurting him and I didn't even know it.

"Jake, I…"

"I love you, Bella."

All the air left my body in a gust.

"Can you say that back? Can you tell me that you love me?"

Of course I could.

"Jake, I…"

The room was crackling with tension. His body was rigid with it, while my body was trying to expel it in tears. My arms hung limply around him as I leaned forward and rested my head against his shoulder. "Jake, please."

He pulled out of my embrace, standing from the bed. "You can't say it back, Bella. And I understand, baby, I really do. Your ex-husband broke your heart and you're healing." He cupped my face with his hands. "Trust me when I say that I understand that better than you think. But I can't be here with you, make love to you or even have a romantic dinner with you, when two minutes ago you were on top of me thinking about him. It just… it hurts too much."

A sob tore from my throat. "Jake please, I didn't—"

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "I'm not breaking up with you, sweetheart. I just need to go home and have some time. I need to think."

I tugged on his arms. "Just stay here with me. Please. I'll give you your space, I'll eat in the dining room and you can eat in the living room. Just please, don't leave. Not like this."

He chuckled, kissing my forehead again. "This is why I can't be angry with you. You're too adorable."

"Don't go."

He sighed. "I just need some time to think. I'm going home, but I'm not going anywhere, okay?" He leaned forward and tipped my head up. "I'm not abandoning you, okay? I'll be back later."

Tears leaked out of the corner of my eyes, which he kissed slowly from my cheeks. "I'll call you?"

A sob was the only answer he got. Releasing me, he backed out of the room and I sat, frozen, even after I heard the soft shut of the front door and the slam of this truck door. He roared out of the driveway and down the street, the only indication he had ever given about how he was truly feeling.

I sat there for God knows how long, stunned.

And then everything came crashing down.

I curled up on the bed, tears streaming from my eyes as sobs wracked my body. He was ruining my life, and he wasn't even in it anymore. Thoughts of him, memories, things about him that I longed to be out of my head remained stuck there like a knife, twisting in my brain, causing pain and blocking out everything else in my life that mattered.

I cried for hours. The dinner remained untouched on the table, going stale in the cooling air. The DVD menu of Casablanca rolled untouched on the TV, the music repeating every 30 seconds. The candles melted down, the wax dripping onto the table until the flame went out.

I would never be rid of Edward Cullen. No matter how much I tried.

He was going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Did you like it?

If you think the sex scene was a little awkward… that's good. I meant for it to be that way. I know we like to read fics where the first time is just this wonderful experience with a little bit of pain that is almost nauseatingly romantic and sexy. My first time wasn't like that, and I don't feel like many first times are. Some, maybe, but I feel the little bit of awkwardness is a tad more realistic. Agree, disagree? However, if you read it and didn't think it was awkward and liked it anyway, I'm happy for that too.

No flames about my absence, please. Unfortunately—for me, mostly—life gets in the way of my writing and I have to put Edward and Bella on pause. Rest easy though in the fact that I think about what to write next for this story, so you're all not put completely on hold.

This update was a bit rushed, so please forgive any and all errors.

Reviews make me happy :) And maybe, just maybe, they'll get you a quicker update ;)