Entry for Jello-Forever January Challenge.
Diclaimer: I own nothing.
Enjoyy,
~WL
Material
Slowly, deliberately, Patrick Jane fingered the band of gold from his finger. For no longer was he bound in holy matrimony, years ago the sacred bonds of marriage were irreparably broken. 'Till death do us part', or so someone had once said. That someone had never loved.
Death was a physical barrier. It was entirely sensual. No longer could he touch her, feel her fingers interlock with his or her teasing hands on his chest. No longer could he hear her say those three words; yes, those three. No longer could he smell the enticing aroma of cookies that she and his daughter had conjured up; his pillow had long since lost the scent that had personified her. No longer could he taste her sweet lips on his, or said cookies in his mouth. No longer could he see her beautiful face, watch her breathing, sleeping, dreaming; no longer could he read the feelings hidden behind her eyes; her locked windows to the world to which only he held the key. But he still hadn't left her. Only physically. Death had severed their physical connection, but Patrick Jane swore that he would remain with his wife spiritually until the day their physical bond was restored. He had promised her; promised himself. He would never love another woman, not like he had loved her; he couldn't. It was as simple as that, he physically couldn't do it.
But since when was the simple answer the right one; or physicality ever encompassing? His daughter had always reminded him of that, it was a daily ritual.
He would call at bedtime every night during the interval of his show
Hi Daddy
He would hear his daughter sweet voice as she drifted off into the peaceful dream world of young girls
Mummy says that it's nearly bedtime
He would revel in the family that only God could have granted him
I know you're not here Daddy
Feel blessed that he had married the most gorgeous woman in the world
At least not really here
Blessed that they had been granted a child to love and nurture
But you'll always be here in my heart
That his child had grown into the girl she had become
Because I'll always love you
And nothing could be better in his life at that time
Night night Daddy
He would blow a kiss back down the phone, safe in the knowledge that his little girl loved him even when he wasn't there.
The tables had turned. Again, as always; it was he that was alone, but as if his whole world had been turned upside down, it was they who were absent, gone.
He had been alone for so many years; for so long. Deprived of the sensual bond of love; always remembering, never forgetting. No matter how many years passed, how the feelings faded, how his brain obscured her scent, touch, smell; his memories would always remain. But that was all that she had become, memories; stolen pieces of time; a recollection of a better time, a reminiscence of love.
He went about living; attentive in his mind, absent in his heart. Obliged to start again, afresh, anew; with only memories of the time before to accompany him. No longer could he feel her body pressed up against his, only his hearts depiction of the moment that he had stolen to keep locked away.
No matter his loss, his heartache, his new burden; he had been forced to begin again, and create a new beginning for himself, or at least for the greater part of his being. His heart however, he left that behind, where it belonged.
Fin.