It's terrifying yet comforting, how quickly my addiction over my depression has turned into my addiction over James.

It used to be me and my head, 24/7, every second of every minute of every hour. I was consumed in it. I was so wrapped up in the way I was feeling, and what I was thinking, and how in the fuck could I be thinking these things? There has to be something wrong with me, there just has to. I can't take it anymore. I'm going insane. I need to die. I need to get out of here.

And then along came James. Slowly, very slowly, he became a large part of my life. Of me. He is a part of me, now. At first, way back before I even stole that car and crashed it, I was developing a crush. On James. I denied it for about three months and then finally gave in, telling myself that there was no use in denying it any longer. When you pop a boner every time he takes his shirt off, you can't deny it. You just can't.

I finally kissed him that night; the night I fucked up my life even further.

Now that we're back in Minnesota, and ever since we have been, James has been there every step of the way. We've been here for eight months now and James has never showed any signs of leaving.

It's safe to say I love him.

I've always loved him. It was best friend love, at first. For our entire friendship it'd been best friend love. But now?

It's much more than that, now.

I'm way too deep into this to turn back.

And I don't mind one bit.

I'm so involved with James and how I feel about him, that sometimes I forget I was even depressed. I'm not saying I'm not depressed anymore. Because I am. You don't really get rid of a severe depression. Ever. It will always be there, haunting you, mocking you, eating at you and screaming for you to just give up. And sometimes I give in. When I do, it feels like I'm back in square one.

It is quite possibly the worst feeling ever.

But then James is there, reminding me that I'm not in square one, that I've made so much progress and I can't back down now. "Look how far you've come, Kendall. Look. You can do this. I know you can. Everyone can see it."

And I'll nod my head, wiping at my cheeks and nose like I'm five years old again and I'm fallen off my bike. Then I'll continue to cry; cry because I know James is right, but my head just keeps telling me that he's lying when I know he's not. Because it's so hard, nearly impossible, to get out of my head.

So I'll lean into James and nuzzle my face in his shoulder while he drapes his arm over me. I'll cry silently, face ugly and screwed up, so aware of it but not giving one single fuck because James is there and I know, I know that as long as he's with me I do not need to be scared of anything.

He is all I think about. He is all I want. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day, it's James Diamond.

He is everything.

"Do you think, in another universe, we'd still be best friends?"

James turned his head to look at Kendall, eyes squinting from the bright light seeping through his blinds.

"Why are you asking me that?" James questioned, moving so Kendall's arm unwrapped from around his waist and he lie on his back. Kendall propped himself up on his elbow and stared down.

"Just thinking," he mumbled. He reached a hand up to play with the hair around James' ear, eyes fixed on every feature in his face. This was his favorite part of the morning. Especially on weekends. Waking up and observing every perfection, every flaw and dimple and barely noticeable scratch on James' face. James, in nothing but a wife beater and gym shorts, sighed contently.

"I think, no matter where or when, we will always be best friends. I don't think anything could change that," James spoke softly. The blond cracked a smile in return, nodding his head in agreement.

"Do you think.." he started, "do you think we'd be like this? Like we are right now?" James stared back at him.

"Because back in that coma, James, we were like this," Kendall whispered. "We were like this-" James interrupted then.

"All the time," the brunet finished, just as quietly.

"I know, Kendall. I know," he stared into green eyes, trying to figure out what was going on in that head of his.

Kendall took a deep breath before he started to speak again, "and do you ever… do you ever get mad at me, for ruining your dream?"

They'd never spoken about that before.

But James didn't blame him. He didn't blame him one bit.

"You threw away everything so I could have a shot at the big time, Kendall. I would never blame you for something you didn't do. You didn't ruin my dream."

He didn't get Kendall sometimes. Lately he'd gotten the hang of it; the way Kendall thinks. How mornings are always difficult but nights are so much worse. James tried his best to understand. He knows that that's all Kendall wants- for him to understand. He wants him to understand what it's like to be inside of his mind. He always tells James it's terrifying, and James can imagine.

It's terrifying to see Kendall like that.

So James can imagine.

He'd never cared about someone so much in his life. When they'd gotten that call way back last September about how Kendall had gotten into a car crash, he was half way out the door of 2J. Mama Knight's phone had rung twice before she answered, perky voice turning quickly into one of a worried mother. She'd broken down in hysterics, screaming at everyone to "get in the car! Get in the god damn car!" She wouldn't explain, but for some reason James already knew. He'd sat in the car straight faced the entire time, Logan driving with Mrs. Knight in the passenger's seat because she was too worked up to drive herself. Katie and Carlos were next to him in the back, both having an idea of what happened.

Seeing Kendall beaten up and unconscious in a hospital bed was the most painful thing James had ever gone through.

And he'd be damned if he had to go through that again. There was no way in hell he'd make it out alive.

"Kendall?"

Kendall continued to stare at the space beside James' head, hand still in his hair.

"Kendall? Talk to me," James sighed.

The blond shook his head, "I talk too much about this shit. You're sick of hearing me, I know. I'll stop." So he retracted his hand from James' hair and buried his face in his pillow, ready to go back to sleep for the next hour and act like nothing had happened.

James turned on his side, the arm propping him up reaching over to play with Kendall's hair, now. Using his other hand, he gently turned Kendall's face to look his way. As his thumb brushed over Kendall's bottom lip, James spoke.

"You talk like you put the stars in the sky," he started.

"You talk," he brought his face closer to Kendall's, green eyes boring into his. "And I can see the stars in your eyes."

A small smile started to appear on Kendall's face. By the time he registered what James had meant, he was smiling ear to ear, the brunet pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"Never stop talking, Kendall. I could listen to you for hours upon hours."

And so Kendall talked.

And talked.

They stayed in bed until 2 p.m., smiling and laughing as they reminisced over old times. Smiling and laughing as they joked about the future, as Kendall told James the things he wanted to do, the things he wanted to see. By the end of it, Kendall was thirsty and ready to go out and do something. James was content with doing whatever it was Kendall pleased.

"Hey James?" Kendall questioned. James was making tea for them both, Kendall leaning against the counter, observing the way his muscles flexed. Beautiful, he thought.

James looked over, spoon in hand, "Yeah?"

Kendall waited until James found his gaze and breathed, eyes shining, "I love you."

And James smiled at him, that dazzling, breath-taking smile only Kendall got to see.

"I love you, too, Kendall," he spoke.

They stood silently, James returning to his task at hand, Kendall continuing to stare.

"You want honey in your tea?" James asked.

Kendall nodded, eyes trained on the way James' fingers moved.

"Always," he whispered.

A/N: This was super fluffy oh god. This story only has a couple more chapters, maybe one or two before it's over. Then I'm going to get to work on The Calculation and finally finish Reminisce. Thank all of you for giving me feedback. I really appreciate it. :)

Review please and thank you?