Mr. Burns stands on his office balcony watching lights come on all over town.
"Look at it, Smithers; power flowing and lines throbbing with electric juice. Almost erotic, isn't it?"
"No comment, sir."
"So, what do you think, Anointed One?"
"Can't say I disagree with twenty-four hours of mischief time. Wait, what about plants?" Bart asks.
"They'll just have to grow somewhere else."
"But my dog likes to pee on bushes and trees."
"There's no shortage of things he can urinate on now," Burns replies.
"Oh. You're probably right. What about all the kids? There won't be sunny days to go around and explore or spend at the beach."
"A small price to pay for becoming the evil overlord of this pathetic dumphole," says Burns.
Bart walks back into the office.
"And Lisa's life will be ruined. And it would be colder all year long," he ponders, "I think I've made a mistake," he says to himself.
"Well, sir, it's about noon. What would you like to do now – slaughter some innocents? Lead a vampire horde to town domination? Go on the local news and gloat?"
"No," Burns walks back in, "I'm tired. I think I'll go home and take a nap. You stay here and take care of business."
"Yes, sir."
Burns morphs into a bat and flies out the open balcony doors.
.
Some time passes. Lisa sneaks in through a window she broke open at Mr. Burns' mansion. She walks around cautiously.
"Mr. Burns … slayer here. I'm hoping we can cross paths," she holds out a wooden cross with the long end honed to a fine point.
As she makes her way deeper into the mansion, she spots a locked door with a sign that reads: Secret Lair: Do Not Enter.
"Well, that's handy."
She looks around and listens for anybody else around; hearing nobody, she grasps the lock firmly and coughs at the same time when she yanks it down, breaking it open. She enters and looks down at the long winding staircase in front of her.
"This one is for you, Bart," she says and then sits on the railing, facing inward and leaning in so she doesn't fly off the rail, which she then slides down quickly, racing toward the bottom.
At the end of the rail she flies off and hits the floor, rolling around a few times; the contents of her satchel spill and roll away from her. As Lisa picks them up, we see Burns' shadow pass over her; she stops and drops everything, opting instead for the crossbow.
"Look at you, trying to do what's right…" Burns slinks around a pillar.
Lisa turns and fires quickly, hitting the pillar where she thought he was.
"I'm waiting for you…" his voice echoes in the cavernous lair.
"The wait is over!" she jumps to the other side of the pillar and Burns is not there.
"Oh, good – the feeble banter potion of the fight," Burns' voice echoes all over.
"What? My banter isn't feeble; it's witty and biting. No pun intended."
She looks around confused. Behind her the Burns' bat glides down to the floor and morphs upward into Mr. Burns. His long boney fingers reach out.
"Come to me…" he says; Lisa is pulled across to him by his ancient-one light telekinetic powers. He grasps her firmly, "I want this moment to last…" he lowers his fangs, "But not passed sunrise – that's normally my bed time."
.
Bart, sitting at Mr. Burns' office desk, watches a monitor from a security camera in the lair. He sees Burns capture Lisa.
"Oh, no – he's gonna kill her."
"No, the blood lose will technically kill her," says Smithers, smiling.
"I've got to stop him!"
"Well, I'm afraid I can't let you leave. I have all the necessary implements to keep you here and-"
Bart presses the red button under the top edge of the desk and a trap door opens, which Smithers falls into.
"Yeeeaaaggghhh!" his voice fades quickly.
Bart flies out the open balcony doors, fast.
.
Lisa struggles in his Burns' grasp.
"You're the one that sets me free. Your Slayer demon fuel will super charge me and give me the power to finally allow me to break free. If you hadn't come, I couldn't go. Think about that," he sinks his teeth into her and drinks.
Lisa's eyes glaze over and her arms go limp to her sides. Burns finishes and lets go. She falls face first into the pool of blood and doesn't move.
Mr. burns yawns and stretches.
Suddenly Smithers falls out a chute hole in the wall onto the floor.
"Dear God where was I?" he says, covered in black smear marks and cobwebs. He dusts himself off and stands up. Part of a human skeleton falls out of his coat. "Sorry to report, but the Anointed One has betrayed you."
"To be expected. Oh well, mission accomplished anyway. Ah, Smithers, you missed the big finale."
"Sir, you can finally break free now?"
"Oh, yes. Come, Smithers…"
They take the elevator up.
Several minutes later and Mr. Burns and Smithers stand at the perimeter gate, with a golf cart behind them. Burns runs his fingers across the perimeter barrier, which hums deeply and gives off a blue bioluminescent light.
"If I can face my fear, it cannot master me. Smithers, face my fear for me, will you?"
"Sir, I don't think that's how it wor-"
"Face it or I'll give you something to be afraid of!"
"Sir, the spell is upon you, not me."
"Ooph – I've got to do everything around here," he once again touches the barrier, this time stepping forward.
The barrier lights up widely and hums in a warbly way. When Burns breaks through it, it burst like a blown bubble.
"You did it, sir! Shall we go and amass your loyal army of the living dead now?"
"No, I still want to take that nap. Got to rest up for enslavement and butchering later. And you, my slacking friend, are supposed to be at the plant."
"Sorry, sir," Smithers takes the golf cart they drove to the gate in, to the plant.
.
Vampires hiss and scatter as Reverend Lovejoy cuts on big sun lamps used to grow crops indoors, on in the back of a church van.
"Eat the sunny rays of Jesus, you heathenly heathens!"
Marge and Homer run out and to their car. Once in, they buckle up. As Homer buckles we see grandma Flanders wandering in Ned's front yard. Homer stops, his eyes grow wide and he becomes eerily still.
"Urge to kill: riiisssiiinnng…" he then strokes his rifle.
"Homer, let's go – they're throwing things at the car!"
Homer snaps out of it, "Homer Simpson to the rescue!" he peals out of the driveway.
We hear the heroic building Alf Clausen theme, which abruptly ends when we see the car parked at Moe's and Homer running inside.
"Give me one beer, Moe!"
Moe and non-vampire patrons load guns and check flashlights, "No can do, homer. We're busy."
"D'oh. Busy doing what?"
"Me and some of the boys are going to go tear down Burns' sun-blocking machine. You wanna come with?"
"Ow, I got to go save my daughter. And son. Again. I could really use a bottle of inflated self-esteem."
"Ah, what the heck. Here's one for the road," Moe grabs a bottle and hands it to Homer.
"And here's a wooden stake to protect yourself with. You just drive it threw their hearts."
"Vampires, right?" Moe asks.
"Them, too," Homer replies.
"Oh, oh, nooo," he holds the stake in his right hand, "this won't work; this is a right-handed stake."
"Couldn't you just switch hands?"
"Nah, no. Nope, I need one of them left-handed stakes. Have you seen Ned Flanders lately?" Moe asks.
"Ahhh, nooo," Homer turns around and walks out, opening the Duff and taking a drink, "What a moron," and he then opens the door and gets behind the driver's seat.
He drives away. As he does so we see the yellow and brown Weasels dragging Jimbo and Nelson's skeletons on the side walk.
.
Bart flies straight down the length of the spiral staircase; foregoing the stairs in order to get down there faster. He looks around and sees Lisa face-first in the pool of blood.
"Huh!" he flies quickly to her and drops to the stone floor; the sound of his shoes hitting the stone floor echo in the cavernous lair.
Bart pulls her out and lays her on her back; none of the blood sticks to her or stains her. He attempts CPR.
"Oh, crap – I don't have any breath. My days of spit-balling are over!"
Bart looks around figuring out what to do when he hears Marge yell out.
"Lisa!"
"Mom, hurry!" he yells; then he adds, "Hold Maggie tight and pull the slide lever!"
Homer reads the sign, "Hum, SUPER FUN HAPPY SLIDE," he pulls the lever.
They slide down fast; Homer hits the bottom and his weight causes him to continue forward and whack his head into the floor.
"Son of a!"
Marge slides down safely and sees Lisa, "Oh my God – Lisa!"
She hands homer Maggie and runs over. Homer gathers some of Lisa's things.
"Mom, I have no breath; I can't give her CPR. She was face-first in that pool of blood over there!"
Marge performs CPR and keeps repeating the process until finally Lisa starts coughing and hacking up blood. Bart and Marge prop her up and she continues coughing.
"Honey, you're alive!" Marge shouts with tears of joy.
"I am…" Lisa says in a surprised voice.
"How do you feel?" Homer asks. Maggie plays with a wooden stake Homer has picked up.
"I feel … stronger."
"Great, then waxing the car later should be a piece of cake."
"Strong enough to go take on Mr. Burns again," she stands up and makes fists.
"Honey, don't tempt fate; you survived once," says Marge.
"This isn't over until he's dead."
"I'd kill for you," says Homer. He leans in and says in a more disturbing voice, "Please ask me to kill."
"Thanks for saving my life," Lisa says to Marge.
"You're welcome. But you can also thank your brother; he pulled you out of the blood pool."
"Thanks, Bart."
"Any time, Lis'."
They hug.
Homer hands Lisa her satchel, which he has filled. She slings it back over her neck, pulls out Mr. Pointy and spins the stake in place, grabbing it.
"Time to pull the plug on this ancient one."