Thanks to everyone who is still reading and commenting on this!
This story has really been a lot of fun to write, cause I really love writing for Mark. Don't worry, its not quite over yet, but it's getting there, probably 2 or maybe 3 more chapters. I have been working on this one part for like a month now on and off, so all reviews are appreciated:)
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You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold
"Addison!!" Mark practically skipped into the house and closed the door behind him. He hadn't stopped grinning all day, and he was so happy to finally be home. He held a small bag happily in his hand. "Addison? Are you here?? I have something to show you!" He was giddy, actually giddy. There had to be something seriously wrong with him. This was not Mark Sloan. Mark Sloan did not spend an entire day grinning like an idiot unless there was some seriously mind blowing sex involved. Then Addison came walking around the corner, and, if possible, his smile grew even more. "Hey babe." He walked over and kissed her. "How was your day? Are you feeling ok?"
He noticed her grimace a little, but choose to ignore it. "Yeah it was ok, I am fine. How are you?"
"I am great. Couldn't be better." He grinned and kissed her again, wrapping one arm protectively around her waist and drawing her in closer to him. He placed one hand on her stomach, and missed her flinch that occurred with this motion. "I am so happy Addison."
She put on a weak smile and looked up at him. "Did you say you had something to show me?"
"Right! Of course." Mark suddenly remembered the bag that he had been so excited about. He grinned and held it up. "I was walking by some touristy shop on my way to lunch today, and they had all this Yankees paraphernalia, and I saw this in the window." He reached into the bag and pulled out a little pin striped Yankees onesie, just big enough for a newborn baby. He smiled as he held it up for her to examine. "I know, I know we don't know if it's a girl or a boy yet, but either way I'll be damned any kid of mine is a Red Sox fan. We have to train them early or it's too late. And look, it even has little pads on the feet. Isn't that something, kid won't even be able to walk when they're small enough to wear it, but it still has pads on the feet." He chuckled with glee at his own joke, and reached back into the bag. "Anyway, while I was in there to get this I picked this up too." He pulled out a Yankees calendar and flipped it open. "Look, that's the due date right there. I circled it right when I bought it. That's the day our lives will change forever Addi. We're gonna be a family." He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. She leaned into his chest and cried silently, while this happy and now confused man rubbed her back comfortingly.
So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold
Tracy smiled warmly. Every week she saw a new side of this man that she never saw coming. "You bought a onesie? That is adorable."
Mark smiled sadly and looked out the window, avoiding her eyes. "My dad use to take me to Yankee games when I was a kid. Its really the only happy times I remember with him, He didn't talk a lot at home, unless he was yelling about one thing or another. At the games though, he would sit there and explain everything to me. Explain the plays, the history, tell me about his first game with his dad. He would always buy me a hot dog. On my tenth birthday he took me to a game and let me have a sip of his beer. Hah, I remember I almost spit it back out. That was the same year I found him with his mistress. I was ten years old when I saw my dad with a woman who wasn't my mom. Not that they were ever happy before that even, but it's a lot for a kid to take."
Tracy nodded silently and watched with interest as the witnessed a wave of memory and emotion wash over him.
"I wasn't gonna be like that. I promised myself that I was gonna be better. I would be involved in my kids life. I would show him what a good husband and father is to his family. We were gonna be happy."
She looked up suddenly. "You were going to be?"
"Yeah. I had to be. I had to be better than he was."
"No I mean…. Well… you say that in the past tense…"
Mark looked at her, and nodded sadly. "Yeah…"
Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold
It was 10 minutes later and Mark was still rubbing circles on Addison's back and whispering comforting words. She finally looked up at him with tears staining her cheeks. He traced her jaw with this thumb and looked into her eyes, full of concern. "What's wrong Addi? You can tell me anything."
"Come here." She took his hand and led him into the living room where she sat down, and he sat down next to her, holding both of her hands in his. "Mark…" She tried to clear her throat and compose herself, and Mark was getting nervous. "I… There is no good way to say this. I have been going over this and over this… and there is no good way."
"Just tell me Addi, whatever it is, I am here for you, always."
"I can't… we can't keep this baby Mark. I am getting an abortion." His eyes went cold and her hands dropped from his. When he didn't say anything she continued. "I have an appointment… on Saturday."
Mark shot up out of his seat and started pacing, fighting back the flood of tears that was threatening to break free. This couldn't be happening. This was a nightmare, just a horrible nightmare. Because in real life him and Addison were happy, they were going to be together forever, together with their child. Mark had already lost his best friend, so something good had to come from this. He had spent the past two days thinking up names. Michael if it was a boy, for Derek's father. He had never met Derek's father, but the family that the man had left behind had been everything to Mark. Lucy if it was a girl, just because he liked it. But this? This was not real.
Mark stopped his pacing and took his frustrations out on the wall instead, leaving a significant dent where his fist made contact. The rational Mark Sloan didn't do things like that. He would be thinking about his hands and his career. But this Mark Sloan didn't care. He was in agony like nothing he had ever experienced before. When he finally looked back over at Addison, looked her in the eye for the first time since she flipped his world upside-down, all control was lost.
"Why the fuck did you even tell me?"
He watched as the sobs began to wrack her body. Before he would have been compelled to run to her side and comfort her. Now he just stood there and watched with a look that could have turned boiling water to ice. "Mark I am…"
"No. No you don't get to talk about this. You don't get to try and convince me that this is for the best. You don't get to apologize Addison. That is not how this works. You let me walk around for two days, acting like a god damn idiot, going on about how great this all was!"
"I love you Mark…"
"No. No, not now." Mark sighed and resumed his pacing. "I love you Addison, but right now… right now I can't even look at you. I look at you and I feel sick. I don't know how to do this, I just know I need some time." With that, Mark put his jacket back on, and walked out the door.
See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold
"And so she did. Two days later we went to the clinic. I sat there and held her hand while they did it. I didn't say a word to her the whole time. Then we went home and she slept for the rest of the day. I slept down on the couch. The next day she packed up some of her clothes and went back to the brownstone. She hadn't been back there since Derek left, sometimes I wonder if her being back there, being back in the house they shared is where things stared to go wrong. Or maybe it was going bad long before that, I don't know."
"Anyway, we didn't talk for the next week. Finally a week later she showed up at my door. She came in and we sat on the couch and she just started crying. I just sat there holding her all night. That was the last time we ever talked about it or acknowledged it. She moved back in, but things were never the same after that. She was distant, she missed Derek, I could tell."
Dr. Phillips looked at him and finally began to understand the pain and the walls that surrounded him. This was a man who had lost everything and everyone that gave true meaning to his life. He still had his medicine, and his one-night stands, but he had lost love, his family, his brother. Having spent as much time with him as she had, she knew now what happened next. She knew back when she first started talking to him that he was self destructive, but only now did she realize how it all came together. So she asked the question that would be the last piece to this part of the puzzle. "Who was she?"
"What do you mean?"
"Who was the woman you used to drive Addison away?"
"Why would I want to drive Addison away?"
"You just said yourself that you could tell she missed Derek. That being in that house brought back all the memories of them. So, you being who you are, you don't how to communicate. You feel like you're not enough for her, that you owe him. So instead of having to have that conversation with her you find the worst, most self destructive way possible to push her away, push her back to him." She stared him down wating for him to break. "So who was she?"
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
Well walk in the fields of gold
Well walk in the fields of gold
They had been together now for a month and a half since the abortion. They honeymoon was definitely over. Mark still loved her very much, but couldn't help but feel that she would never have the same love for him that she did for Derek. When they started this thing, she was hurt and desperate. Now she wasn't fighting for Derek's attention, she had Mark's attention, and the more he tried to fight for her the more she pushed him away. They would fight and she would stay at the brownstone for a few days. This was one of those weeks, and Mark found himself at the bar across the street."
"Another scotch Bill, thanks." Mark downed half of it and stopped to look around the room. There was a cute blond sitting next to him that he hadn't noticed before. He smiled as he noticed her look over at him. "Do I know you from somewhere?"
She smiled and turned to face him. "Yeah, well kind of. You're friends with Dr. Shepherd right?"
"Derek?"
"Yeah. I have seen you around the hospital, before he left anyway. I am a nurse there."
"Right." Mark stuck out his hand. "Mark Sloan."
And that was the beginning of the end. Mark went into autopilot. Years of experience with picking girls up in bars clouded his judgment, and his brain shut down as his thrill of the chase took over. He bought her a few drinks, made her laugh, and put on the smile that no one he had yet come across was ever immune to. Before he knew it they were making out in the back of a cab on their way to his downtown apartment.
They had only made it to the couch by the time most of their clothes had been removed. Because of the mix of lust and adrenalin Mark barely noticed when the front door opened. He noticed just enough to look up quickly and see Addison standing in the doorway. Before he could respond or start spitting out useless explanations she was gone.
Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
"So she left a couple days later. Said she got a call from Richard about a job, but I know it was really for Derek. She called the night she got there just to let me know she was there ok. Said something about Derek and a lusty intern. But, I haven't heard from her in over 2 months now, so I guess they're trying to work things out… I guess he was able to forgive her."
"She moved out there with him?"
"I guess so, the brownstone never went up for sale though. So maybe they will come back some day."
"When she called you from Seattle, what did you say?"
"Not a lot. She was still pretty mad at me. I was still mad at myself. It was brief."
"Did you ever try and convince her to stay, did you ever fight for her?"
"There was nothing left to fight for, she didn't want to be with me, she wanted to be with Derek."
"How do you know that if you never gave her that choice? You lost her the same way Derek did in the first place. You didn't fight for her. There is no closure there. There's no closure with him either."
"Yeah well he definitely doesn't want to hear from me."
"Why do you think you cant sleep?"
"Aren't you suppose to be telling me that?"
"I know. I am asking you."
"I dunno, guilt I guess. I miss my family."
"Unfinished business. You have unfinished business with them. There is no end to this story yet Mark. There is still a lot of story left for you to tell me. It just hasn't happened yet."
"I should go out there."
"You think that will help?"
"At this point it cant hurt, can it? I have to tell them both how I feel." Mark grinned. "Maybe even meet this intern of Derek's. I never expected him to find another woman so quickly out there, must be one special intern."
"Now Mark we've been over this you're a 37 year old man, you don't have to have everything he has."
Mark grinned "Right, sorry Doc."
She smiled and shook her head. "Just try and remember that when you get out there, will you?"
"I'll do my best."
You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold