Um. So.

I know I said I'd incorporate a Kailex kiss into this chappie, but you know, fanfics are fanfics and must be as emotionally tormenting as possible. So in other words, there's going to be a hella amount of Kailex, but no kissing.

Oh, and a lot of Alex angst as well.

Enjoy! And don't kill me!

xi. Alex

Alex let out a slow hiss as she slowly stretched out her thigh, Soraya whining softly from across the dorm. The mission had been going fairly well - until the Visyla had sank its fangs into her, resulting both in the unthinkable replay of memories, as well as the poison causing the bullet wound in her thigh to flare up.

She hadn't been taking it easy with her leg - but now, she was seriously regretting it, the sharp pain protesting painfully every time she so much as moved a single muscle. Alex desperately wished she'd stayed in the Med Ward, so Fletcher could properly patch her up … but lying down on a cot had allowed the Visyla poison to take its full, torturous effect.

Alex closed her eyes and shuddered as the memories, fresh from the poison, washed over her.

Suddenly gasping for air, she leaned her temple against the wall, her chest heaving up and down erratically. Bad idea, Alex, she told herself, whispering for Soraya. The wolf didn't hesitate, springing up from her position and trotting across the dorm. She was far too big to share the bed - so she laid down on the floor, neck arching up the side of the mattress, and her enormous black head resting on Alex's leg, thankfully her uninjured one, her amber eyes fixated on Alex with unwavering canine loyalty.

Stroking Soraya's head, Alex tipped her head back and sighed. It was no longer the memory of Visyla poison that were occupying her mind: it was what she could recall from the Med Ward, through the petrifying haze of hallucinations and anguish and fear. Through all that, there was very little she'd been able to take in, but what she had, she remember quite clearly.

Like Kaiden.

Oh god, Kaiden. Bad enough that without Jordan or Bear around, he'd been around far much more than Alex would stand. But to be physically carried by him, surrounded by that achingly familiar scent and those arms, was almost as tormenting as the poison, as she'd maintained a careful distance between them for almost six weeks. It hadn't helped that he'd brushed featherlight kisses across her forehead - or when Fletcher was injecting her with the antidote, it had been his hand she'd gripped as the effects finally wore off.

Not to mention, how infuriatingly, amazingly, unconditionally protective he'd been of her.

A knock sounded softly on the door.

Cursing the interruption - undoubtedly it would be Bear and Jordan, checking in on her - Alex got to her feet, winced, and tried her very hardest to not hobble across the dorm. Wordlessly she opened the door -

- only to find Kaiden James leaning against the doorframe.

All the air rushed out of Alex's lungs, keenly aware that this was physically the closest she'd been to him since he gave her the ring - by choice, so not counting being carried by him or being paired together in class. She was unable to look away.

"Hey," she breathed.

Kaiden's eyes flickered up and down her form, and Alex's cheeks grew warm, mentally grateful that she'd opted to shower and change as soon as Fletcher had released her from the Med Ward.

"Hey, yourself," he replied. He made no move to try and enter her dorm.

Alex took in his appearance. He too must have showered - his hair was still damp, slightly wavy, because his hair always curled when it got wet, and he no longer smelled of dirt and blood and metal. He was wearing jeans and a v-neck tee - the fabric snug and thin enough to show the defined shape of his torso. It wasn't fair, really, how he could effortlessly be so attractive.

I miss you. The thought speared across Alex's mind uninvited, and for once, she didn't push it away. Push him away, like she'd been doing for so long … far too long. She had missed him, simple as that. Missed him so badly that some nights she'd only fallen asleep by fooling herself that the warm weight on the bed beside her was him and not Soraya.

"Can you - can you come in?" The words were heavy as Alex spoke them.

Kaiden smiled at her, nodding his acceptance, and pushed off the wall, following her into the dorm. Swallowing thickly, Alex dropped to the bed, pulling her legs into a cross-legged position, and patting the space beside her invitingly.

Soraya, seeing she wouldn't be getting space on the bed, huffed and leapt up onto D.C.'s mattress. Alex had stripped it days ago, and packed her things into boxes, but she refused to think about that - think about her, think about how D.C. was well and truly gone …

Sucking in a shaky breath, Alex nudged closer to Kaiden, and tucked her head in the crook of his neck. A familiar position. Above her, she felt Kaiden exhale slowly.

"I've been worried about you."

Alex tensed at his words before she forced herself to relax. It was just Kaiden. Sweet, compassionate, brave Kaiden, who could get just as protective as Jordan if she let him, who knew her better than she knew herself.

"I know," she said finally. Quietly.

Kaiden turned towards her. A long moment passed. Then two. "Why have you been avoiding me?" The tone in his voice alone was enough indication; she didn't know if she'd be able to look for the inevitable hurt in his eyes.

Alex sucked in a breath. "I've been avoiding everyone."

"Not Jordan and Bear."

Alex shot him a look, making sure it was fast enough so she couldn't get a good look at him. "Well, I didn't tell them about … well, basically everything that happened with Aven that I didn't tell them after Kaldoras … until a few days ago."

"After the incident with Sierra Fay?"

Alex nodded wordlessly. The guilt alone was suffocating. A constant weight on her chest, restricting every intake, reminding her every time she drew a breath that too many people had lost their lives because of her. It crushed her, day and night, unrelenting and unforgiving, and she wasn't sure how much longer she could bear it.

Kaiden's fingers were warm and light as they tipped her chin, forcing her suddenly blurry gaze up to his. "Hey," he breathed. "It wasn't your fault."

"It was," Alex whimpered.

The world was spinning; she'd kept it stamped down for so long, building up walls and shutting everyone out, so nobody could look inside and see the inner darkness that was lurking inside her, that infiltrated every dream and corrupted every day that sparked with happiness, happiness she didn't deserve. The pain had consumed her in the beginning, before she forced it aside, forced herself to become two people … the first one being the girl that everyone saw, the girl that laughed with her friends and was brave and selfless … and the second one being that twisted, broken being, that was cowardly and ruthless. And the Visyla's poison had shredded her apart, slammed everything into perspective before shattering it into shards again.

She'd been in pieces for far too long, and she needed somebody to put her back together.

Shaking with sobs, she leaned bodily into Kaiden, allowing his arms to draw her close and hold her, hold her tight, hold her until all her broken pieces would fuse back together like that.

She waited, for what seemed like hours, waiting for the pain and grief and guilt to finally end, waiting for her to become whole again, waiting to finally heal. She was sick, sick of it all, sick of the remorse and the weakness and the nightmares, and just wanted to be that same girl, the girl from all those months ago, before Jordan was Claimed and the world plunged to hell.

But it never came.

Still shaking and whimpering, she fell into a restless sleep, curled snugly into Kaiden's arms as he carefully repositioned her back on the pillows, before moving beside her and holding her into his chest.

A distant compartment of her mind wondered why he had refused to leave her side, why he refused to leave the broken girl who would never deserve his love.

I think it'd be a good idea for my personal safety if I go into hiding for a bit.