Chapter 11 - Insight
When Alana walked in to the dungeons on the following Saturday, Snape immediately sat up. Her face was stormy, she looked tired, and she hadn't greeted him. Sitting down at her desk, she pulled out her textbooks and notepad with aggression and within minutes was scribbling away, her hair cascading onto the pad as she leant on her free arm. Snape frowned a little, but decided to leave her. He would wait for her to speak.
But she didn't. For another hour, she stayed silent; only sniffing a couple of times, and coughing. Snape began to worry. Had the other night traumatised her? She had been pretty upset and he'd just let her go to bed. He cursed himself, and decided to try to speak to her.
"Miss Cross?" he said. She looked up with despondent eyes.
"Yes, Professor?" Her face was so hostile that he almost stopped in his tracks.
"I think we need to talk."
"If this is about Hogsmeade," she began. "I don't want to talk about it."
Snape stood up and walked over to her desk, sitting opposite her. "Not the bulk of it, but I will have to mention Hogsmeade."
She sighed and shut her books.
Snape swallowed. "I owe you an apology."
Alana raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"For the past few months, I have behaved…awfully. Alana," he used her first name, hoping she would pick up on his sincerity, "you once accused me of hating you, and while I couldn't convince you otherwise, I don't. I have behaved that way, I'll admit. But…" he paused, "I'm not accustomed to spending alone time with students. Especially not female students." Alana blushed, and looked down. "I have behaved in the only way I know how, and at times I realise have embarrassed you, upset you, punished you, and though there were occasions when I was right, there were many where I was out of line."
Alana said nothing, but gave a small cough.
"I think that if we are going to carry on working together, or even go away together, there needs to be some changes. I will try not to be so cold with you," Snape gave a weak smile, that she didn't see, "but you need to understand, it is in my nature."
"It's in my nature to be a little…hot tempered," Alana said finally.
"Hmmm, I had noticed." Snape smirked, which made Alana roll her eyes.
"The fact if the matter is," Snape paused, wondering how to put into words how he felt. He was attracted to Alana, very much so, but she was his student. It also wasn't her fault that he had tried to avoid her, and that he had been so cold.
"Friends," Alana said quietly, bringing Snape out of his thoughts.
"Sorry?"
"We need to learn to be friends."
Snape thought for a moment. Friends? Was a friend too close?
"Good acquaintances," he suggested. Alana smiled.
He rose from his chair. "Still, there should be some level of respect. I asked you not to stray from the path the other night for your own safety. And without wanting to sound smug, I was right. Sadly." He looked grim, but then sniffed. "More honesty, more respect for instructions and no talking back," he added sternly, without a hint of mockery. Alana swallowed. "Of course not. But I assume it works both ways right?"
Only when he had turned around did he smile.
***
Weeks passed and things remained amicable between the pair. Snape had always enjoyed her company, when he'd allowed himself to, but with the boundaries clear in his mind he felt freer to talk to her. The one thing that remained unchanged was his dream, though it had eased a little. He had decided it was simply a case of accepting it.
Alana, however, was in a state of utter confusion. It didn't matter how open and calm she appeared in the surface, going to her potions class became a bigger deal; on a Saturday she worried what she looked like, what they could possibly talk about and the biggest worry of all, how could she endure being alone with him? While Snape grew accustomed to his dreams, Alana's grew more intense, and varied. She could not grow used to them. The impending date of their trip was looming also.
"Good evening, Miss Cross," Snape said in a low voice. "I trust you're well?"
"Hmmm," she said nodding. It wasn't really an answer. "You?"
"Fine."
He handed her a book, with a slip of paper making the potion he wanted her to complete. It was one that could be completed in two sessions; it needed a few days to mature before the final ingredients could be added. Alana relished these advanced potions, she could really throw herself into them, and they were difficult enough to almost entirely occupy her thoughts. "Begin as soon as you're ready to," Snape said, "but I will need to ask you some questions while you work."
Alana nodded, and began straight away. Snape went to his desk and pulled out a piece of paper from his drawer. She could see it was some kind of form.
"Right, full name?" Snape said sitting down with a long quill.
"Sorry?"
"Your full name. For the consent form. I have to get it to the committee as soon as possible."
"Oh." Alana grimaced. "Alana...Beatrice Cross."
Snape looked up to see why she was in discomfort.
"I know, I know, ABC." Alana looked angry. "It's actually my grandmother's name on my mother's side but my father found it hilarious." She tore her dandelion heads off aggressively. Snape smiled to himself, but Alana caught it on his lips before they turned down again.
"Don't you dare laugh," she hissed. "What's your middle name?"
Snape suddenly looked serious. "That is not important, or relevant to your form," he said changing the subject. "Date of birth?"
"13th December 1990."
Snape frowned. "You didn't mention it."
"I hate my birthday."
"Very well. I'm not particularly surprised at that. Any allergies or health problems?"
Alana laughed. "Insomnia," she muttered, bitterly, "Oh, and I can't eat lettuce."
"Lettuce."
"Yes, in large quantities. It makes my mouth dry and itchy and my lips swell up. The same thing happens with cucumber," Alana said quickly not meeting his eyes.
"Miss Cross, you continue to astound me; you have a decidedly Muggle middle name, you hate the one day of the year where you become centre of attention and you're allergic to salad. Essentially."
"Are you making fun of me?" Alana lifted her knife threateningly. Snape raised an eyebrow.
"I was merely observing,"
"I can eat tomato," she added.
"I am so glad to hear it."
"I just don't like them."
"Shall I just write salad in the food allergies box?"
Alana shook her head and frowned at him. "Now I know you're making fun of me. No, a small amount of salad is ok. I don't know why I even mentioned it."
Snape nodded and continued to ask questions for another hour.
"Favourite colour?"
"That is not on there."
"Yes it is," Snape said, without looking at her.
"Why would they need to know...?"
"Answer the question."
"Blue," Alana sighed, smiling weakly. Snape noted it down.
"The last thing is parent's names and contact."
Alana hesitated. "Algernon Cross and Mary Cross. They don't...like unnecessary Owls."
"I'll still need an emergency contact. In case you get in any sort of...accident."
Alana sighed and gave him the address that her parents now lived at; a house she hadn't seen yet.
Snape nodded and put the form inside an envelope, which he would send later. He looked at Alana, who was nearly finished and suddenly though to ask her something.
"Were you adopted from birth?" he asked.
Alana looked at him sharply. "Yes, why?"
"You said they chose your middle name."
"Oh, yes, well, they chose my entire name. I was...abandoned after my parents death and they found me."
Snape swallowed. "I see." He thought it best to drop the matter as she looked upset and her eyes were staring intently at the potion before her.
"Where will we be staying?" she asked as she packed her things away half an hour later.
"Most of the places nearby were fully booked, and anywhere that wasn't," Snape replied, raising an eyebrow, "wasn't worth staying at. I have an old school friend who has let us use two rooms in their house. He often rents them out."
Alana nodded. "Exciting."
"Quite."
She bid him goodnight, and closed the dungeon door quietly as she left.
***
It was the night before they were supposed to leave, and the Gryffindors were not happy. Having caught Alana discreetly trying to pack, they had demanded to know what was going on.
"Staying away from Hogwarts?" Hermione asked.
"On a Hogsmeade weekend?" Ron moaned.
"With Snape?" Harry hissed.
"Yes, yes and...yes." She tried not to think about Harry's last point too much. "There's a potions thing...Dumbledore gave it the ok."
Harry threw his hands up in the air.
"When were you going to mention it?" Hermione asked.
Alana looked up from her suitcase. "I was just going to be sick. And stay in the hospital wing."
Ron snorted. "Well, at least you're honest."
"Look, I'm really sorry guys. I realise how weird this whole situation is, believe me," she stressed, thinking about being alone with Snape again, "but this is a really big opportunity for me."
"Whatever," Harry said, shrugging but clearly annoyed. "It's your choice."