Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

The Places to Love

Chapter Eleven

Max rolled over in bed, expecting to encounter the warmth of his wife's body but found only the bare sheet. Peeking out from under his eyelids, he looked at the clock to see that it was only five in the morning. Where was Kat? Heaving himself out of bed, he stretched his arms over his head trying to work out the knot in his back. He shuffled out of the bedroom to find his wife, hoping that she hadn't been up all night. There were no lights on that he could see so he simply made his way down the hall. As he entered the living room, Kat looked up at him quickly closing her purse at the same moment.

With a suspicious look, he asked, "What are you doing up so early?"

"Couldn't sleep," Kat lied, not wanting to admit that she hadn't slept all night.

"What time did you finally come to bed?" His question was met with silence, her face turned down so as to avoid his eyes. "Kat, don't lie to me." He sat down on the sofa beside her reaching out to take her hand in his.

"I didn't make it to bed," she whispered. "I dozed off for a bit here on the couch."

Max sighed loudly and leaned back against the cushions. "I have to ask," he whispered not wanting to but knowing what his wife was capable of because he knew what he was capable of as well. "Are you using?"

Kat shook her head but then turned to look at him. She picked up her purse which she ha tucked at the other side of her body and handed it to him. "I haven't taken any yet."

At first Max felt relieved but at the same time he knew that if she'd taken the time to procure something that this was desperate. He clutched the bag to his chest and turned to face her head on. "Kat you can't do this. I know you're upset about Sully but he needs time – you have to give him time."

With tears in her eyes, she bowed her head looking utterly defeated. "He doesn't need time. It's like always – Snowbird and Cloud Dancing keeping him away from me. I know he talked to them."

Max reached out to her, giving her shoulder a light squeeze. "Honey why would they give him your letter in the first place if they didn't want him to have contact with you?"

There was nothing she could say to that. It was the truth and she felt unjustified now in blaming them. Yet she wanted someone to blame and she wasn't willing to blame Sully or herself even if she deserved it. "I know Max," she whispered. "They just have kept me from him for too long. I know they are behind this. He said he wanted to give me a second chance and then he calls back to say he needs more time…." She broke down as she spoke this last sentence.

"Kat no one said this was going to be easy. You can't expect things to just happen overnight." He pulled her close as he spoke, gently rubbing her back. Max continued to hold her until she quieted some, knowing what they needed to do next. "Sully has to come to terms with this, just like you do. If he's a newlywed, he already has a lot of changes to deal with." He felt Kat nod against him though she still said nothing. "But Kat you can't go back to old patterns. That's only going to make things worse. Why didn't you tell me you were tempted?"

There was a long silence but Max waited, knowing she would answer him eventually. "I was so ashamed that I was even thinking about it. Then yesterday I was downtown and one of the girls I used to buy from saw me. I felt so weak…"

"Of course you did. No one expects you not to feel weak. It's what you do when you feel that way that matters, Kat. You got to reach out. I'm here… the group's here."

Kat pulled back. "I just feel so ashamed."

"Do you think you're the first one to think about going back? It was our way, Kat. Our way of dealing with the pain, of making it go away even if only for a little while. You can't run anymore though Kat. You've got to face the pain of the past and of the present but no one is saying you have to do it alone."

The words hit their target as she began to weep again, knowing he was right. She didn't have to do this alone. That was always her mistake in the past – not learning how to lean on others. As a tentative first gesture, she placed her hand in his. "Max will you help me?"

"Yes," he said loudly pulling her against him once more with a firm commitment not to lose her to the past addiction. "Let's go to an NA meeting this morning – I think we both could use it."

"I'd like that," she whispered, feeling for the first time in days a sense of hope.

The bed called to her from across the room and it was only a moment before she was flopping down onto the down comforter, finally glad to be back home. The ringing of the phone disturbed the quiet of the condo and she sighed as she reached for it. Glancing at caller id, she realized it was Sully and quickly answered. "Hello," she said through a barely suppressed yawn.

"Did I wake you?" he laughed, his voice warm and comforting.

"No, I haven't been to sleep yet." She sighed softly as she lay back against the pillow again, the phone pressed against her ear.

"Oh Michaela, did you get called in last night?"

"Matthew came over right after I hung up with you. His mother was killed in a car accident last night."

"Oh God, that's horrible," Sully said, shocked at the news.

"I went to the hospital with him. He has a younger brother and sister… I just couldn't leave them alone. All three of them looked so lost and confused. Finally got them all settled in at Matthew's place and then came back here."

"Are you taking the day off work?"

"No, just going to go in late. Cassidy said he'd stay so I could get a little nap."

Sully grunted at that man's name. "Cassidy doing something nice? Watch out it might snow tonight." Michaela laughed, knowing Sully was right. She too had been surprised when he agreed to cover for her. "Well I won't hold ya then. Just wanted to wish you a good morning."

"Or in this case good night."

"Right," Sully chuckled. "You going to work late tonight?"

"Probably but I should still be home by ten. Call me then?"

Sully sighed loudly wishing he was there to make her breakfast and put her to bed properly. It was harder than he thought being away from her, especially when he knew she could use some support. "Maybe I should come home."

"Sully, I'm fine. Stay where you are. Matthew's father is flying in so he'll be here to help with Brian and Colleen soon. He has joint custody of the children and I'm sure that after the funeral he'll want to take them back to California with him. We'll both be here for Matthew…" Her voice drifted off as she thought about the support their young friend might need.

"I don't want you to drive yourself crazy trying to do everything."

Michaela smiled to herself. It was a nice feeling to be known so intimately by someone. "I promise I won't. Now are you going to call at ten?"

Sully laughed at her impatience. "Yes I'm going to call at ten. Only three more days."

"Don't remind me," Michaela sighed. "This bed feels rather empty without you."

"I'll be home before you know it."

"I love you," Michaela said knowing she needed to hang up though she didn't want to.

"I love you too. Call ya later."

"Have a good day."

"Good night," he replied softly and then she heard the gentle click of the phone. Returning the phone back to the cradle, she sighed again hoping that the next few days passed quickly.