"I'd Rather Leave While I'm In Love"

"Yo, DC," Skye said, poking her head in the door. Phil was sifting through files on his desktop, which he immediately closed. No need for her to see what they were about.

"What is it, Skye?" he asked.

"I'll get you to use my new name one of these days."

"It's not a new name, it's a code name."

"Superhero name!"

"I'll ask again, what is it, Skye?"

"Uh, thought you should know that a red flag's gone up," she said. He arched an eyebrow. "On your profile. And med records. I scrambled to get all our info off the waves, but apparently someone's looking for you."

"Can you tell who?"

"Um… the hacker might be Tony Stark?"

"Shit," Phil said, covering his face. "That's the last thing I need."

"I put him off the trail which, yay, is awesome."

"Thank you, Skye."

He noticed her make a face between his fingers. "You'll say it one of these days."

"Only when it's necessary. Be happy I'm not using it in everyday conversation."

"I guess." She brightened, and waved. "See ya!" And then disappeared again. He sighed, and reopened the files.

From what they could tell, Bucky Barnes was at Stark Tower. There were very few records on the Winter Soldier – called the Asset by the HYDRA bastards who used him – and he could only guess what atrocities Bucky had been forced to commit. He swallowed down the bile that rose whenever he considered the indignities they could have tried.

Phil missed him; God, how he missed him. All it would take would be one call to Stark Tower, or to Stark Industries – he could easily get Pepper's phone number – and they'd all know that he was alive. He could see Bucky again… assuming he was even recognised. Steve hadn't recognised him, that was for sure, even after Phil used the code phrase. One of the last things he said to Steve was that he'd be watching over him. Hell, Phil had been awake a lot longer than Steve and he still remembered it.

But then Steve would have remembered someone a lot younger. He'd had his own problems to deal with; no time to spare a thought for his best friend's secret boyfriend.

It seemed ridiculous, keeping up the charade of being dead. Clint and Natasha definitely should have been told, but if they had, surely they would have informed the others? There was no doubt that Stark would have descended on Phil, demanding to know what he was playing at. Sif had told him that Thor had no idea that he was alive, so it seemed unlikely that Natasha or Clint had spilled.

He truly was dead to the Avengers. It kind of hurt.

Phil was the head of New SHIELD, and he could have said 'Screw you' to Fury's plans, and revealed himself. To Bucky, at least. See if he recognised Phil. Unfortunately, there were flaws with that idea:

1. Bucky was, physically, much younger than Phil

2. He was still recovering from HYDRA, and didn't need stress or confusion

3. It was unlikely that he would recognise Phil as his old lover

4. They'd both changed significantly, which could cause friction, and not the fun kind

5. Bucky could easily find someone closer to his own physiological age

He stopped there with his list. If he continued on, Phil would just become more depressed himself, and he couldn't lead his team with such issues looming over his head. He would have to stay away; that's all there was to it.

Bucky fiddled with the cup in his hands. It was mostly empty now, only the dregs of coffee remaining.

"Did he ever meet anyone else?" he asked softly.

"Pepper told me he met up with a cellist, and was friendly with her," Tony said. "Can't remember much else."

"Could we find out who she is? I want to talk to her. Find out how he was."

"Course I can. Gimme a minute."

"Are you sure about this, Buck?" Steve murmured, touching his hand. "You don't have to, if it's gonna be too painful."

"I've known the meaning of pain, Steve. I need to know that he was happy." He looked at Clint and Natasha. "Was there anyone else?"

"Never heard of anyone," Clint said. "That's the kinda thing people would gossip about. He never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, which added to the rumour that he was a robot."

"But if he could keep the cellist quiet," Steve said. He winced at Bucky's look. "Sorry."

"Got her," Tony said. "Cellist, Portland. Name's Audrey. Calling her now."

"What?" Bucky said, sitting up straight and spilling the last bit of coffee onto the floor. He dropped the cup, which rolled off his foot. "I'm not ready—"

"Hello?" a young woman said. Bucky swallowed.

"Hi," he said. "You don't know me, but my name is James. I'm Bucky Barnes."

There was silence. Then, "Holy cow, he was right all along."

"What d'you mean?" Bucky asked.

"Phil Coulson," she said. "He's… he was a big fan of Captain America and the Howling Commandoes." She sounded choked. "Great guy. He kept looking for you. Never gave up hope that you'd be found."

"Did you know him well?"

"Yes, I did. Why do you ask?"

"Just… wanted to make sure he was happy."

"Well…" She paused. "He was never really happy."

"Why not?" he asked, tilting his head.

"Look, I've known him since I was a child, and he was like an uncle to me—"

"An uncle?" he said. "I thought you two were dating?"

"Did you?" She laughed. "Bless you. No, he was gay. Kind of infatuated with you, if you ask me. Never knew him to date anyone. It's funny, you know. I dreamed about him a few months back. Some SHIELD agents got rid of a super-powered stalker of mine. I passed out or something, and I thought I heard Phil's voice, letting me know he was okay. He was friends with my dad, see; that's how I knew him."

"So you went out with him because of that?" Bucky asked.

"Phil was a good man. He was a shoulder to cry on at Dad's funeral. It was great to keep seeing him, and keep him updated on… well, you."

He frowned, glancing at Steve, who seemed equally confused. "Me?"

She sighed. "Listen, the orchestra travels a lot, and Dad was involved with the CIA before he married Mom. She was murdered in a revenge killing. Phil saved Dad, and… well, I'm not in intelligence, but I have contacts, and I always kept an ear out for anything that could indicate what'd happened to you. Where you might be, whether there was a body found, police reports, hospital reports. Phil said I had enough charm to charge a power station." Her voice softened. "I really miss him. He'd be real glad to know that you're alive, Sergeant Barnes. It's… it's really you, isn't it?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Good. I mean, Phil's dead, my parents are dead, so it doesn't matter that I told you all about that. Hey, I could send you a recording of one of our concerts? I have some copies of his favourite."

"That'd be great," Bucky said. His throat felt thick. "I'm staying at Stark Tower. Just address it to Bucky Barnes, and put your name on the back."

"Will do," she said. "I've gotta ask, what's your interest?"

"Well," he said, floundering for a moment, "as you said, he pushed for me to be found."

"It's just that if you know something I don't… if you found out that he was alive… could you get him to call me? Please? I know things are crazy these days, and if it's at all possible that he survived, I'd really like to know."

"I'll remember that," he said. "Thanks."

"Bye."

Tony hung up, and Bucky sank back into the cushions. He'd failed to notice Steve mopping up the mess he'd created on the floor, and was just glad that it wasn't carpet.

"Sorry," he said. "You should've let me do that."

"Nah, it's okay," Steve said. "Feel better now?"

Bucky swallowed.

"Right," he said. "Phil never dated. He never stopped looking for me. He never really stopped believing that I was alive. He died without knowing that I worked for the enemy. And if he's alive… he'll know where I am. He could easily visit. So why hasn't he?"

"Put it this way," Tony said. "If he suddenly appeared, there's every likelihood we'd shoot first."

"But he could call ahead. Maybe he's afraid of the Winter Soldier?"

"Maybe he thinks that you wouldn't be interested anymore," Natasha pointed out. "There's a greater age difference. You've been through hell, and it's possible that he has, as well. He was dead. If he was brought back to life… what would it take? Does he still have his mind?"

"Any records on him have disappeared," Tony said. "I tried to follow one trail, and it led to a dead end. I don't know who's done it, but it was thorough."

"He really mustn't want to see me, if he's still alive," Bucky said.

"Pretty big 'if'," Steve said.

"He can't just have vanished into thin air, Steve! No, he's alive. I can feel it. We just need to find him."

"In the meantime," JARVIS said, "I believe there is a need to assemble?"

Author note would be dull. Please review!

Ooh! And then I realised something: Amy Ackers has played Clark Gregg's niece. Didn't notice that when I wrote this. Hmm. Strange place, my subconscious.