Bustman: The great Bustman strikes again!
Wario: More like misses again.
Bustman: Oh, what do you know? Anways, don't you have a disclaimer to do?
Wario: Oh, yeah. Bustman does not own anything. Now where's my money?
Bustman: Right off that cliff.
(Wario jumps off a cliff and screams. Bustman gives a satisfied smile.)
Bustman: Good, we got rid of him. Read and review!
Link rubbed sleep out of his eyes. The sun shone in through the window, blinding Link temporarily. He sighed and got out of bed. He kicked Marth's mattress.
"Time to get up. Marth. Marth!"
Marth sighed and got up. He looked around and yawned.
"What time is it?"
"7:30. We're going to be late for breakfast; come on."
Link left the blue haired prince to get out of bed while he threw some fresh clothes on. He grabbed his toothbrush, and rinsed. He ran out to find Marth already dressed.
"Ike already up?"
"I suppose so. He should've woken us."
The two friends walked out the door and headed down to the cafeteria. They bumped into Olimar on the way there, surrounded by his pikmin, all nibbling on bacon bits.
"Hey, have you guys heard?" Olimar asked, giving his yellow pikmin another small piece of bacon. "The sports team tryouts are on the bulletin boards. They're later today. Crazy Hand is also handing out our schedules."
"Really?"
This interested Link. He walked over to the bulletin board, where Mario was signing his name on something.
"There!" he said, finishing his O. "All signed up for soccer. Oh, hey Link. Signing up?"
Link pondered this. He had played soccer with his friends in Ordon Village when he was a kid. He had been one of the best in the game. It might be fun to try out soccer again.
"Sure," he decided, grabbing a pencil. He wrote Link on the piece of paper. Mario gave a satisfied nod and walked away.
"Link! There you are!"
Link turned as Crazy Hand floated up to him, holding schedules. He rummaged through his papers and pulled out a beefy packet. Link gasped as Crazy dropped it into his hands.
"Is this my schedule for the whole year?" Link wheezed. Crazy happily nodded.
"Yup! You're required to carry that every day!" Crazy Hand said happily. He floated away. Link sighed and flipped to the first page. Link scanned it. In approximately 2 hours he was supposed to meet with Crazy Hand and Master Hand to discuss his moveset.
"Yo!"
Luigi and Ike had caught up with Marth, and all three of them were now walking towards him. They were all holding schedules as well. Link nodded his head in acknowledgement.
"What's that?" Luigi asked, gesturing to the sports tryout sheet.
"Sign-up for soccer. Tryouts begin at 12:30." Link said.
"Sounds cool. I just did a soccer videogame. I'll sign up," Luigi shrugged and scribbled his name on the board.
"Count me in. I was a player on a soccer team in Altea."
"Oh, really?" Luigi asked. "What happened?"
"We, uh, lost every game of the season," Marth sheepishly said as he scratched the back of his neck. "But I've gotten loads better."
He scribbled his name on the sheet.
"Count me out," Ike said. "I can't kick a soccer ball for my life."
"Oh, really? Bustman can't either," Fox said, walking up. Falco coughed.
"Fourth wall…"
"Oh, right." Fox shook his head and scribbled his name on the board as Link, Luigi, Marth and Ike walked down to the cafeteria. They sat down, and Amy Rose walked up, four plates of jellybeans in hand.
"Ugh," Marth scrunched up his face. "What I'd give for a couple of pancakes right now. Is there a waffle house anywhere near here?"
"It's a five minute drive," Link said, trying not to gag as he swallowed his jellybeans. He took a blue one and looked at it. "These aren't even jellybeans!" he grabbed his sword and split it open. Grey goo oozed out.
"I think I'm going to be sick…" Luigi clutched his stomach.
"I know," Ike said. He tossed his jellybeans to Kirby, who immediately sucked them up happily. The other three followed suit.
"Well," Marth grumbled. "I've lost my appetite."
"Excuse me," Luigi said, almost as green as his suit. He got up and ran to the bathroom.
"Well," Link sighed. "Let's just leave it at this; I hope Master Hand has hired a janitor."
Link and Ike were playing pong when Marth walked in, a smile planted on his face.
"What?" they asked together.
"My discussion with Master Hand and Crazy Hand went well. My Dancing Blade move is going to give me more of a horizontal boost, and my Dolphin Slash is going to do more damage."
"Cool," Link said, looking at the time. It was 9:25. He got up and brushed himself.
"You want to take over for me?"
"Sure," Marth said, taking Link's seat. Link walked out of the room, and made a left. He walked down a large hallway until he finally turned to two black swinging doors. Link walked in.
Crazy Hand, Master Hand, Cranky Kong and Mewtwo stared at him. Link took a seat, and Master Hand cleared his throat.
"Link, we have decided to cut you from the game."
"What?" Link said, surprised. Master Hand smiled.
"No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I do that to everyone who walks in here."
"Link."
Link turned to the ex-smasher, Mewtwo. Mewtwo cleared his throat.
"Link, I want a truthful answer. If you don't give me one, I will know. How do you think you compare against the other smashers?"
Mewtwo chuckled as Link hesitated. "Don't worry, this information will be kept completely confidential."
"Bah, confidentiality!" Cranky Kong scoffed. "Back in my day, we had no secrets. Yesiree, those were the good old days. If someone kept a secret, we would dunk their heads in the outhouse until they coughed it up."
"Yeah, those were the good old days. I enjoyed the part where you got to flush them," Crazy Hand said happily. Mojo screeched.
"Shh!" Master Hand turned to the monkey and the leftie. He turned back to Link. "So, Link?"
Link gulped. "I think I am a worthy opponent. I have many weapons to fight from a distance, and have many close-combat options as well. I have trained in the art of sword-fighting all my life, so I can land hard blows, as well as block them. I cannot run very fast or recover very well with all my equipment weighing me down, but my swiftness with the sword makes up for it."
"Yes…" Master Hand nodded thoughtfully. "You have proved yourself to be a very good fighter in the past. You are humble and noble, and are willing to protect anyone close to you with your life. You have found a friend in almost every smasher in the mansion. You are a valuable character, Link."
Link blushed. Master Hand continued.
"Let's go over your moveset. What do you think would be good changes within your ability?"
"Well," Link mulled this over for a bit. "I think my Spin Attack could bring me a bit of a higher distance. I've been training especially hard on that move in the time between this and brawl, and think it is doable."
Master Hand nodded and scribbled something down on his clipboard.
"Go on."
"I think my chain-shot could have a bit less lag," Link thought aloud. "A close friend of mine got me a new, faster one for my birthday, so Super Smash Bros. wouldn't have to supply me with one."
"I see," murmured Master Hand. He put the clipboard down. "Now Link, there is something very vital I need to share with you. You will no longer have your down-B move."
"What?" Link asked, looking at his bombs. "Why not? They're top quality."
Master Hand shook his head. "Something will be replacing it. Toon Link will be keeping his. Tell me, Link, are you familiar with this?" he held up a picture of a wolf with a goblin on his back, snarling, fur spiked and bloody and muscles rippling beneath his pelt. Link let out a small gasp.
"Wolf Link…" Link's voice trailed off. Master Hand nodded.
"Yes, Link. During battle, the player will be able to switch from you to your wolf form by pressing Down-B."
"You mean, like Zelda transforming into Shiek?"
"Precisely," Master Hand nodded vigorously. He laid the picture back down.
"Toon Link won't have a wolf form?"
"No," Master Hand shook his head. "We discussed it, but we decided if the player wanted to use the classic Link's moveset, they could use the other you."
Link stared at the picture. "Midna will be riding on my back? How? She is no longer in that form."
Crazy Hand answered this time. "Oh, she won't really be riding on your back. We'll digitally add that later."
Master Hand cut in. "Let's go over your moveset. Your B attack will be called Shadow Circle. It takes a while to spread out, but when you release B every character caught in it will be attacked by you. Your B-side is called Twilight Shield. Midna will form a dark shield around you, which will reflect projectiles. It will, however, shatter if it is hit by physical attacks or explosives. Understand?"
Link nodded.
"Your B-Up will be called Midna's Guidance. The player taps the control stick in the direction he wants Midna to float up three different times. You will follow Midna wherever she goes. And your B-down, of course, will be Transform. Got it?"
Link nodded again. Master Hand smiled.
"Good. Without the extra weight of the bombs carrying you down, you'll be able to do a much higher spin attack."
"I suppose," Link pondered this. He nodded. "I think two alternate forms could be good for my game."
Master Hand nodded. "Good. Now that we've got that out of the way, let's get to your personal life at the mansion."
"What?" Link asked. "I thought this was just supposed to be about my moveset!"
"This is for future guidance for the counselors," Mewtwo said. Master Hand cleared his throat and flipped a page on his clipboard open. He looked up.
"You seem to be particularly close to a Miss Zelda, a Mr. Marth and a Mr. Ike. Can you tell us about your relationships with them?"
Link gulped. "Well, Ike is a good friend of mine. He is easy to get along with, and very trustworthy." And very gullible, Link thought. He coughed and continued. "Marth is one of my best friends in the mansion. He's very cheerful, and we do almost everything together. We are able to communicate very well, and we think very much alike."
"And Miss Zelda?" Master Hand pressed. Link hesitated.
"Zelda is my other best friend in the mansion. We have known each other since we were very young. I see her often, as I am the head of security at the castle. Many of the same things that interest me interest her. She is kind and generous. She is very special to me."
Master Hand gave the tiniest of nods, and jotted a few notes down on his clipboard. "I see. Well, it seems our session is over. I bid you good day."
"Good day to you too, sir."
And with that, Link walked out.
"Nervous?" Link asked, taking a swig of water. Marth, who was shaking beside him, shrugged uneasily.
"Kind of. It's been a while since I played soccer."
"Relax," Luigi said, laying his arms back against the dugout of the field. "I'm sure all three of us will make the cut."
"Alright, everybody, come on out!" a voice from outside the dugout called. Link, Marth and Luigi stood up and walked out. Funky Kong was standing in the center of the field, a soccer ball in hand. Other smashers were surrounding him, all looking very nervous.
"Alright, dudes," Funky Kong began. "So let's get down to the point, man. Only 14 of you will make it on the team, 3 as substitutes. There are 28 of you here today. 14 won't make the cut."
Link heard Marth gulp.
"This tryout will be divided into three sections. First, I will see your dribbling and controlling skills by having you run the ball through a groovy obstacle course I set up. Then, I will play goalie, and you will try to shoot past me. And after that, I will pit you against each other in a soccer game, dawgs! Sound cool?"
"You know it, cat's pajamas!" Captain Falcon said.
"Good. The obstacle course is over there."
Link looked over to where Funky Kong was pointing. He gulped.
"Now, you start out by dribbling across a wooden, unsteady bridge over a cliff!" Funky Kong said happily. "Then, you have to jump through a fan with razor sharp blades, keeping the ball in control. Then you have to make your way through a hedge maze, and then jump through a ring of fire, where you will shoot into a goal. Got it?"
"Got it!"
"Got it!"
"Got it!"
"Got milk?"
"Good," Funky Kong nodded. "Let's see, hmmm, why don't we have the boy in the green tunic go first?"
Crap.
Link took a deep breath and dribbled the ball up to the bridge. It was wobbling over a large cliff. He sighed.
"Why haven't I ever seen this before?"
He began to dribble across the bridge, trying to keep light as a feather. He tucked the ball in between his two feet and jumped over a gap in the bridge, and then continued until he was over on the other side. He sighed, and looked at the fan. It was whirling rather fast. How in hell was he supposed to jump through?
Suddenly, an idea sparked in his head. He kicked the ball straight into the fan. The ball jammed the fan, and Link jumped through, knocking the ball back out as he landed. He sighed and looked at the maze ahead of him.
"Boy! You've got the Shining!" A mysterious old man called from the hedge. Link rolled his eyes.
"Oh, shut up."
Link dribbled the ball through the entrance, and turned his head as he saw a fork in the path, considering which way was best to go.
Hey, wait a second…
Three minutes later Link emerged from the maze, having cut through all the hedges. The mysterious old groundskeeper looked at Link.
"Boy, you've got some fancy sword work there. Be useful when your papa go crazy on you…"
Link sighed and dribbled ahead. The temperature rose as he got closer to the ring of fire. He stopped a few yards away from it.
"Here goes nothing… and everything…"
Link dribbled the ball up two yards, tucked the ball between his ankles and jumped through the ring of fire. He did a backflip in midair and released the ball, which went straight into the goal. The smashers cheered loudly as Link dribbled back.
"Good work, yo! Although you won't be allowed a sword in soccer…"
"There are no hedge mazes in soccer either. Or creepy groundskeepers," Link replied coolly.
"Good point, good point…next!"
Bowser went next. He dribbled up to the bridge, and his weight immediately collapsed it. Bowser ungracefully struggled back up and slowly advanced forward, tiptoeing and tapping the ball lightly. He breathed fire out at the fan, but instead of melting as intended, it caught on fire as Bowser tried to jump through.
"Stop, drop and roll, Bowser! That's right, baby! You're on fire!" Funky Kong shouted as Bowser rolled around on the ground, screaming. He got up and ran through the hedge maze, lighting all of the shrubs on fire. He then ungracefully tumbled through the ring of fire, and ran straight into the goal, knocking it over.
"How'd I do?" he panted, as he walked back up to Funky Kong.
"Dawg, that wasn't even half good! Whatcha doing here, Bowser?" Funky Kong said, jotting some notes on his clipboard.
"Just my luck," Bowser snorted. Suddenly an arwing flew in and bowled him over. Fox and Falco emerged, arguing as usual.
"I told you we should have taken the Ferrari!"
"Oh, shut up, you feathered dumbbell!"
The chaos continued for another hour as smasher after smasher went. Finally Luigi returned, dribbling the ball back after an exceptional jump through the ring of fire.
"That was awesome, dawg! That was like the jitterbug on the flipflop, yo!"
"Er-thanks?"
"Alright, dudes. Now we's gonna make some goals! Who wants to go first?"
"I will," Samus replied huskily. Funky Kong smiled.
"Good. You have five shots," Funky Kong walked over to the goal and leaned down. "Shoot."
Samus kicked the ball with her heel. It went all the way over to the left side of the goal, but Funky Kong made a fantastic save and caught it.
"Pretty good, yo. But you'll have to do better then that."
Samus gritted her teeth. She kicked the ball again, but this time straight up into the air. She jumped up and kicked it with the back of her foot. Funky Kong jumped up to save it, but it went through his legs into the goal.
"Exceptional," he remarked, throwing the ball back. Samus made three more shots, but missed the last one. She gave a brief nod and then went back over to the smashers.
"Alright. Who's next?"
"That would be me," Link raised his hand and walked up to the soccer ball. He backed up, ran up and kicked the black and white ball. Funky Kong jumped up to block the goal again, but it hit his knees, making Funky Kong lose his balance and fall as the ball went through.
"Pretty good. You're just lucky I got knee surgery a couple days ago," Funky Kong grinned, throwing the ball back. Link kicked the ball again, using the same strategy, but this time Funky Kong blocked it.
"Got a find a new technique, yo," Funky Kong said, throwing the ball back.
Link cocked his head, and then grinned. He kicked the ball up into the air, and then made a spectacular leap, jumping above the ball. He pushed both of his legs down, and the ball shot through the net. Funky Kong threw the ball back, smiling. Link did a basic shot this time, which Funky Kong easily blocked.
"You'd better make this last one, dude." Funky Kong said, throwing the ball back. Link gritted his teeth, before an idea sparked in his head. He turned his back to the goal, and put his foot on the ball. He then kicked it up into the air an incredible distance. He waited patiently for it to come down. When it did, he did a backflip and hit it with his foot. It headed toward the top post, and bounced off it backwards into the goal. Link smiled and went back to the smashers.
Bowser went up next. He made 4 goals out of 5, nearly making up for his performance on the obstacle course. Marth went next, scoring 3 out of 5 like Link. Afterwards came Mario, and then Luigi, who scored a 4 out of 5 and a 3 out of 5 respectively.
"Alright," Funky Kong walked back to the smashers after Fox scored a 3 out of 5. "Next is the game. I want Luigi, Falco, Wolf, Samus, Link, Sonic, Red, Waluigi, Bowser, Diddy Kong, Toon Link, Krystal, Samurai Goroh, and King DeDeDe on one team, and the rest of you on the other. Let's play!"
"Alright. Huddle!" Luigi beckoned everyone in. "Who here is good at goalie?"
Wolf and King DeDeDe raised their hands. Luigi pondered this for a second.
"Wolf, I think we may need your quick thinking in another position. Plus, King DeDeDe is larger. Let's have him take a shot at it."
Wolf shrugged. "Fine by me."
"Alright. Who here is interested in defense?"
Wolf, Red, Toon Link, Krystal and Samurai Goroh raised their hands. Luigi nodded.
"Okay, let's have Wolf, Krystal and Toon Link. Midfield?"
Link, Waluigi, Falco, and Red raised their hands. Luigi nodded.
"Alright, let's have Red, Link and Falco for midfield. Offense?"
Everyone who didn't already get a position raised their hands. Luigi thought for a moment.
"Okay, I'm going to put me, Samus, Sonic and Bowser on offense. Samurai, Waluigi, Diddy Kong, we'll put you in later. Sound fair?"
Everyone nodded.
"Good. Let's-a go!"
King DeDeDe waddled over to the goalpost. Wolf, Krystal and Toon Link ran back with him, while Link, Falco and Red ran over to the center. Luigi and Mario faced each other as Funky Kong walked up to them.
"Ready, set… go!"
Mario kicked the ball over to Dixie Kong, who dribbled it up the field to Link's post. She passed to Fox, who shot it at the goal. King DeDeDe jumped in the way, and it bounced off his belly straight into Red's possession. He passed to Falco, who dribbled it up the field. He passed to Samus, who dribbled it around Mario and took the shot. King K. Rool dived to save it, but it rolled off his fingertips into the goal. Link punched his fist into the air and ran backwards. Mario took the ball and dribbled it up the court. Link tried to reach in and grab the ball, but Mario jumped over him and kicked the ball around him. He passed to Yoshi, who happily dribbled it near the goal. Toon Link slid in and knocked it out of his possession, but out of bounds.
"Corner kick! Red team! You guys are playing to three!"
Mario took the corner kick and passed it to Dixie Kong, who shot it. King DeDeDe dived to save it, but tripped over his jacket and helplessly watched as it rolled into the goal. A large amount of cheering emerged from the red team.
Luigi sighed, took the ball, and dribbled it up. He passed to Bowser, who immediately powerfully kicked it straight into the goal.
"Time!" Mario yelled. Luigi shrugged and walked his team over to the benches.
"Good work everybody; we're ahead. Listen, I want Diddy Kong to switch in for Falco, Waluigi to switch in for me, and Samurai to switch in for Red. Good work again, everyone."
They all put their fists in the middle of their circle and cheered. They ran back onto the field.
"Go!"
Mario dribbled the ball up and passed it to Leon Powalski. He slid past Krystal and passed back to Mario. Mario slid and kicked it over to King K. Rool, who was now playing offense. King K. Rool kicked it in the direction of the goal.
"Nooooo!" King DeDeDe shouted. He ran for it, but tripped over a twig. He landed straight on top of the ball, stopping it before it got into the goal.
"Nice work, DeDeDe!" Wolf called. "King? King DeDeDe?"
Luigi sighed. "Wolf, why don't you take over for him? Red, you take his place."
Wolf dragged the unconscious King DeDeDe off the field, and picked up the ball. He threw it to Luigi, who began to dribble it down. However, Ganondorf slid in, and passed to Shadow. Shadow ran past the defense and shot it, flying past his roommate and into the goal. Wolf sighed and threw it to Link, who dribbled it down the court. Mario slid in to take it, but Link knocked the ball backwards to Diddy Kong. Diddy Kong ran it down the field and passed to Bowser, who took a shot. Dixie Kong, the new goalie, jumped up and saved the ball. Excited, she threw the ball as hard as she could, straight toward the goal. Wolf was unaware, and chatting with Red.
"So, how's life?"
"Life's good, life's good."
"How are the kids?"
"Uh-what kids?"
"You know, Tom and Marley? Remember?"
"I know a Tom, but not a Marley."
"Oh, no, wait, I'm thinking of my friend Blue. Sorry about that, Red."
"No problem."
There was an awkward pause. Red whistled a little tune.
"So, er-how about those Knicks?"
Suddenly, the ball came flying out of nowhere, and hit Wolf in the head so hard that it bounced all the way back to the other side of the field, into the goal.
"Victory goes to the green team!" Funky Kong shouted.
"Alright! We won!" Luigi shouted. He turned to Red. "Uh, how's Wolf?"
"He's in a minor coma. But hey, we won!"
"Good point."
Everybody gathered around Funky Kong as he jotted some notes down on his clipboard. He finally cleared his throat.
"I have made my final decision. The 11 people on the team will be Sonic…"
"You're too slow!"
"Mario…"
"It's-a me! Mario!"
"Luigi…"
"Mama Mia!"
"Link…"
"It's the boy in green, he's lean and mean, and he's a soccer machine!"
"Bowser…"
"We're No. 1! We're No. 1! We're No…" a soccer ball suddenly hit Bowser in the head, and he collapsed, unconscious.
"Samus…"
"You haven't seen anything yet…"
"Dixie Kong…"
"Er-bananas?"
"King DeDeDe…"
"ZZZ…snort…yes, I would like chocolate on that…"
"Falco…"
"Personally, I prefer the air!"
"Krystal…"
"Prepare yourself."
"And Marth!"
Everybody turned to Marth. He shrugged.
"…What?"
"Come on. You've got to have a lame catchphrase!"
"Uh…bonsai?"
"That's the spirit!"
Everybody who didn't make the cut walked away grumbling. Funky Kong held out his hand.
"Wait! We still have the substitutes!" Funky Kong said. Everybody shrugged and went back. "They will be Yoshi, Wolf, and Waluigi. Our first practice will be tomorrow. Have a nice day."
Bustman: So, how did you like it? I don't think it's a personal best, but that's for you to decide. Please review; even if you don't have an account you can, now. Toodles!