Acceptance

Jason sat sitting in the grass in front of Robin's grave going over everything that had happened in the past month. He learned that Robin died, that she had been sick for a while, he tried to keep the pain away with boos and Alcohol, he yelled at Carly, had a heart to freaking heart with Johnny, and had to bury the love of his life.

Yeah, sure things will be different.

The pain will just go away.

He'll stop missing her in time.

Jason shook his head. He felt like no one knew what it was that he was feeling at this moment in his life and the only person who would was dead.

He didn't come here to think about that, or the things that he missed about her. Instead he came here to say goodbye. Or at least try to. Jason knew that he would never get over Robin. His entire heart belonged to her and for the rest of his life he would never be able to look at another woman like he did her.

Spinelli was waiting for him and he had tried to make his quick but sitting here in front of her grace stone made this all the more real and he was sure if he would do it.

Just forget about her.

Move on without her.

Pretend he's just fine.

An old memory came to him; it was of him and Robin breaking up before she went off to Paris. He didn't even know he still had this memory with him, but as the shock wore off the tears started to come"

"You know I only came here one time while you were gone and I stood up on the wall and I tried to imagine so hard that you were with me, but all I could feel was that ache inside me. And I didn't want to close my eyes because I knew when I opened them there'd be nothing but dark. So I went to Jake's and got in a fight."

Both snick at that, "Which didn't make it better, but I learned something." Tears were welling up in their eyes, "I'm ok without you. I hate it, but I'd hate it worse if I was hurting you or keeping you from your life. Robin, I want you to go. I want you to go to Paris. I want you to be happy and not worry about me."

Trying to smile, Robin said, "That's the plan. Stand on a bridge over the Seine; look up at the historic buildings. Forget about this bridge, your face, and how it feels to love you. Think I can do that or you just think I'm lying to myself?"

Jason thought about this for a moment until he found a suitable answer, "I think if you stayed you'd be lying to yourself or pretending, which is the same thing. Brenda does it, she says she's happy but you know she's not. You can tell. Sonny knows it. It makes him crazy. He can't say anything because, what's there left to say? I mean, that's the only way they can be together. I don't want that for you, Robin. I don't want you to be afraid of me getting shot or you getting shot yourself and I don't want to do what Sonny did, walk out of Luke's and watch you die."

After a moment Jason continued to make his point, "Now, I couldn't stop you if you wanted to stay. It's not up to me what you do with your life, but I'm kinda glad that's not what you want either because your future is so important to you and you should have it."

Robin had tears streaming down her face, but she cleared her throat and began to talk again. "I will and I believe you will too. Jason, you know what faith is right?"

"Not really. I mean, trusting what isn't there."

"That's it exactly. It's beyond trust. Faith is trust mixed with hope. Trusting something you've never seen. I have faith in your future, maybe neither one of us can see it right now, but it's going to happen. Whatever it is, I'll love you."

Jason's chest tightened at the memory, he couldn't remember the last time her thought of that painful memory or how it had made him feel. He didn't have that long of a time to ponder that because he saw another memory flash right before his eyes, they were on the bridge again. It was after she came back from Paris and they couldn't stop thinking about the other:

"I wished that things were different." She whispered as she turned around to face the water.

Jason looks at her as she looks out at the water, "Does the ache ever go away?"

"I thought it would, but running doesn't help. Neither does being here. God, it makes me so angry sometimes and then I feel guilty for the anger and ..." Jason could tell that she was getting frustrated as she sighed as shook her head, "I mean, why can't I just be happy with what we had." She turned and looked at Jason, "But I can't help it, you know? Sometimes all I can think about now is what we don't have anymore. Sometimes all I can think about is this."

Robin puts her hands around his neck and kisses him passionately; it was a hot kiss, a kiss that he could never have with anyone else. All of the pent up emotion that they had been feeling all of the feelings that they had been trying to deny fell into that one kiss. Robin pulled away and without looking back she walked away into the darkness. Jason stands there and looks after her longingly.

Jason wished things were different too. He wished that Robin was at the Pent House waiting for him to come home, instead of being inside the ground beneath him. He wished that is whole month as just a dream and when he went to bed tonight his arms would be wrapped tightly around Robins small frame and he would bury his nose inside her hair and just breath her in all night long.

As he stood he cast one last glace at the tombstone. He knew this wouldn't be the last time he came the grave to visit her. But that was not the reason for him coming here in the first place. He was here to let her know, like he did all those years ago, that he will always, ALWAYS, love her, but her can live without her. Even on the days where he wishes she will come back, or their anniversary, the day Robin died, he will just have to pick himself up again and continue on with the life he was meant to live.

Just like Robin wanted him to.

Just like everyone wants him to.

Just like he, himself, wants to.

Jason turned and made his way back toward the car where Spinelli was waiting. This visit didn't take as long as he thought it would, but then again, it was Robin they were talking about, with her, he never really had to form that much words to get out what he was trying to say, and sitting by her grave in silence for about a half hour, Jason would think he got the point across.

As he took the steps that would carry him off towards the rest of his life, a life without Robin by his side, but forever in his heart, he remembered some of his favorite memories:

"This night last year, you were in Paris. I rode my bike out to the bridge. I didn't even get off my bike. I just sat there and looked at the place where I last kissed you. I never thought I would have you again. I thought that you were gone forever." The thought of not ever seeing her again, being with her again, made him ache.

She cleared her throat and looked at him, "That same night, I was out looking at the water, thinking about Montauk and how you changed my life. This afternoon, I told Mac that you taught me how to love, and you did. I mean, you taught me how to love the way that you do- with your whole heart."

"I didn't even know I loved you in Montauk." Robin looked surprised but he continued on before she could say anything, "No, hold on. I didn't even know what love meant. I mean, I knew that you were beautiful and that when I was with you, I never felt stupid or damaged. I knew you were sad because you loved Stone. And I thought it must be the best thing anyone could ever feel to be loved by you. And then you said I was in your heart. Not second to Stone, but separate. That's the moment I loved you. You taught me how."

Compromising, Robin said, "We taught each other how."

After a moment Jason smiled a little, "You want your present or what?"

"I get a present, too?"

"Well, yeah, see, I never really gave you anything except for that necklace two years ago for Christmas. But you never tell me what you want, so I don't know what I should get- except for, like, this chocolate cake or flowers." Jason stood up and that brought Robin to stand also.

"I love chocolate cake and flowers."

Jason was feeling a little nervous, not that he would let it show, but as he began to talk he couldn't help but wonder that she might not like the gift, "Well, Stone gave you a ring that you never take off. And I thought you might like one from me, too." Jason pulls a ring out of his pocket and gives it to Robin; it was a wide gold band with a diamond in the center.

"Wow. It's- it's beautiful." She finally breathed out after a moment of looking at it.

"As long as you like it," Jason said with a shrug of his shoulders.

Robin looked up at him, "I love it. I love you." She leaned up and she kissed him, she pulled herself up and sat on the table with Jason standing before her. "Will you put it on for me?"

"Which finger?" He asked after he took the ring from her.

Looking at her hand Robin decided, "Uh- this one." Robin took off Stone's ring from her left-hand ring finger and she looked up at Jason, "I'll always keep it to remind me of Stone, but the most important thing to him was that I was happy, and I am."

"Here you go." He said as he slipped the ring onto her slender finger.

"I love you." Robin said as she looked up into his eyes and smiled her mega-watt smile that was mostly just for him.

Jason leaned down and kissed her, leaning her back onto the table as they continue to kiss.

As Jason hopped into the car another memory came forward, but this time it wasn't a full memory as if he was watching all unfold again, instead this was like an echo thru his head.

"I'll love Robin forever; she taught me how to love. Everything good I ever felt was because of her."

"Stonecold, is everything taken care of?" Spinelli asked as he started the car.

"Jason looked out the passenger side window and saw the sun setting. The colors were orange, red and pink. The same colors Robin used to love watching every night. A shooting star shined brightly as it flew across the sky. Jason didn't know he knew, but in his heart he knew that it was Robin's way of letting him know that everything was going to be okay. It was her way of saying that she wants him to live his life.

Now he can accept what happed.

Accept it and move on.

Acceptance.

Well, everyone who stuck thru and continued to wait it out for this last chapter, here it is. I hope that you all enjoyed the story, and I hope you take up reading one of my others that I am in the middle of or have finished with.

Drop me a love note by clicking the review button.

Brokenrussiancrawl.