The Perils of Mary-Sues

Disclaimer: Oh, yes, I own Pirates of the Caribbean! Disney? What are you talking about?

The Powers of a Kiss

also known as Make Love, Not War

The Mary-Sues were coming. Their approach was almost palpable. The Association for the Preservation of Canon was officially scared.

Then they appeared. One after another, Sue after Sue after Sue. Jack, Will, Norrington, Elizabeth, Ana Maria, and Gibbs were petrified. No, they really were. They couldn't move from shock.

"Will?" Elizabeth whimpered in a tremulous voice. "Will?"

"I – I'm right here, darling," Will responded, sounding like he wasn't at all sure of it himself.

"I'm scared," she whispered.

"Will?" It was Jack this time. Only it didn't sound much like Jack's voice. It was just a terrified whisper. He sounded even more scared then Elizabeth. But of course, that was understandable, as he had had some truly traumatizing experiences with Mary Sues.

"Will, do you happen to believe in God?" Jack asked.

"Jack, I don't think this is the time to discuss ethics." Will suggested.

"I wasn't going to discuss ethics. I was actually going to suggest that you pray for our salvation."

Will fell to his knees and started praying fervently. Norrington followed his example. Gibbs, Jack, and Ana Maria weren't religious, so they watched the Sues in hypnotized horror. Elizabeth, who was religious, would have been praying, if she hadn't been too scared to move.

Then Jack decided to try their theory about the Essence of Canon out.

"Will!" he called.

And received no answer.

"Will!"

No answer.

"WILL!"

"Look, I'm trying to pray for our salvation over here, and you're distracting me?" He sounded irritated.

"Well, I don't think God is listening, so will you please stop praying and kiss Elizabeth?"

"What?"

"The Essence of Canon theory? Remember?"

"Jack, this really isn't the time to indulge your insane whims," Will stated flatly and went back to praying.

"Will, PLEASE! Our very SURVIVAL might depend upon it! Now will you PLEASE stop praying and kiss your wife?"

"Fine," Will said, getting up.

Jack saw that the Sues were alarmingly close. There were hundreds of them. No, thousands.

Will, meanwhile, kissed Elizabeth passionately. They both realized that it might be their last kiss.

The Sues in the front vanished. With a very loud BOOOOOOOM!

"I WAS RIGHT!" Jack shouted, doing a victory dance. "I WAS RIGHT!"

Then he realized that the kiss hadn't destroyed all the Sues. Not even half. Not even a quarter. And no more Sues were vanishing. It was clear that Will and Elizabeth needed some help.

Jack grabbed Ana Maria and kissed her for all he was worth.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! went the Sues around them. But even that kiss was beginning to lose power.

Then Jack, as is usual, had a very brilliant idea.

A/N: Oooooh, cliffie!!! I've actually got Jack's brilliant idea figured out, which is very unusual for me. Usually with me cliffhangerI don't know what to do now. Anyways, please review! I'll give you figurative rum!