A couple weeks ago, Sam said "we need another Pillow Talk". I agreed, but said it needed to be something funny. I tried for "funny" but am not sure I succeeded. I do know that Sam came through and made this a much better story from what I originally had. I have to admit that never in a million years would I ever have thought I would include Jerry in a fanfic... but I guess the saying "never say never" is true!

I hope this gives you at least a smile or two. Mahalo!

Pillow Talk: Jerry or "Do as I Say, Not as I Do!"

By Cokie

Friday, 1900 Hours

Steve pulled into the driveway thankful to see that Cath had already made it home from work. He had tried to call to say he was heading home but the call had gone straight to her voice mail. He and Danny had spent the afternoon out of the office checking out known acquaintances of their latest "person of interest" in a string of high-end burglaries. So high end that the governor was involved in the case… and those were the cases that Steve really wanted to clear up as quickly as possible.

He heard Catherine's voice when he entered the house and followed the sound to the kitchen, where he stopped in the doorway and watched her. The phone was wedged between her shoulder and her ear while she cut up grapes before tossing them into a large bowl. Steve always loved watching her when she didn't realize he was there. She was engrossed in the conversation and while not cutting a grape, the hand holding the knife was waving around in the air.

Slowly Steve started listening to her side of the conversation… strange as it was.

"Well, yeah, I get it that the Area 51 shirt might be a conversation starter," she said. "But what if she isn't into science fiction?" She listened a moment and then added, "Well, it is possible she knows nothing about sci-fi and will think your shirt proclaiming that you are the "Property of Area 51" would be odd. I still think the solid tee shirt would look best under the jacket, but it's your call." After listening a few more moments, she ended the call with "You're gonna knock her dead, Jerry. Have fun."

Cath sat her phone on the counter and said, "Commander if you're trying for covert, you failed. I heard you come in the front door."

"Wasn't trying to sneak in," Steve told her, moving to stand behind her and kissing her neck. "What'cha doing?"

"Making dinner. Chicken salad OK for you? I wasn't in the mood for take out tonight."

He reached into the bowl and snared a grape, popping it into his mouth. "That looks good. Can I help?"

She reached for the cut-up chicken and added it to the bowl. "There's fruit in the fridge if you want to cut up some of it to eat with the salad."

Steve opened the refrigerator and began to rummage. "So, what's up with Jerry? Why the phone call?" he asked with his head practically in the fridge.

"I'm surprised he didn't tell you. He has a date tonight," Cath announced. "And he called me to see what he should wear. He wanted jeans, an old tee shirt that said "Property of Area 51" and a sport jacket. I tried to tell him the shirt might be a bit much, but I'm not sure he agrees with me." She glanced up to see Steve staring at her, a cantaloupe in one hand and a honeydew in the other. "Hey? You OK?" she asked and put down the knife, stepping closer to her seemingly dazed boyfriend.

"Huh? Yeah. You kind of lost me at 'Jerry has a date'. Where'd he meet this girl?" Steve asked bewildered.

"Believe it or not, Max fixed them up on a blind date. Her name is Prudence and she works on the night shift in the morgue. I've met her the other day; she seems friendly, although kind of nerdish in a way.

"That fits."

"Steve, don't be mean."

"I'm not," he assured her while putting the fruit on the table. "I'm just a bit surprised. Good for Jerry. But... Prudence?..."

Friday Dinner, 1945 Hours

"So, you're saying that you have nothing to show for an entire afternoon full of interviews? That sucks." Cath remarked.

"Tell me about it," Steve grumbled. "And in between interviews, I had to listen to Danny complain about how quickly Grace is growing up. I'm telling ya, he's gonna have to let go a little. Not only does he have an ulcer… he's giving me one!"

"And the ulcer is all Danny's fault," Cath stated. "Grace is normal… doing things every other girl her age does. Danny needs to accept that."

"You tell him that," Steve said, fishing his phone out of his pocket. He glanced at the screen and rolled his eyes. "Jerry," he whispered, then answered. "McGarrett."

"Steve, it's Jerry. Got a question for you, Buddy."

"Hey, Jerry. What's up?"

"Well, I've got this date tonight and I want to make a good impression. How do you feel about flowers?"

"Me, personally? They're nice, I guess." Steve looked at Cath and again rolled his eyes.

She came around the table and made herself at home in Steve's lap so that she could listen in on the conversation.

"Do you have time to find some nice ones before you pick her up?" Steve glanced at his watch. "It's going on 8… what time is your date?"

"We're meeting at the restaurant. Seeing as how I don't have a car, I chose something nearby. I'm taking the bus."

"The bus," Steve stated, wide eyed.

Catherine cupped her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter. "Be nice," she whispered.

"Where are you meeting her?" Steve asked. "I mean, if you bring flowers, where is she going to put them while she's at the restaurant?"

"Darn… never thought about that," Jerry admitted. "Hey, how about a corsage. That would be nice, wouldn't it?"

"Well, what restaurant is this?" Steve asked again.

"At the Denny's on Kapolei. They just remodeled. And they have good food."

"Ah. Um… don't you think a corsage might be a bit of overkill for Denny's? I mean she would probably be the only one there with flowers."

"You know, Man, you make a good point. I shouldn't make her feel like she's outclassing the other people. Thanks, Steve. Flowers are a no-go. See you la-tah."

Steve set the phone on the table and wrapped both arms around his girlfriend. " 'La-tah',"… what the hell is that?"

Cath grinned at him. "He's excited. I just hope he doesn't freeze when he meets her."

"You know, maybe they should have met before going out just to break some of the ice."

"Yeah, well, too late for that," she replied. "Hey, wanna go for a swim?"

Steve pushed her off his lap. "Thought you'd never ask. Let's go."

Friday, 2100 Hours

An hour later, the couple ran out of the water, racing each other to the chairs which held their towels. Steve reached for his phone while scrubbing the towel through his wet hair and sighed. "Got two more calls from Jerry," he told Cath.

She reached for her phone. "Ah, he must love me more… I have three calls. Wonder what's wrong?"

"Won't have long to find out," Steve replied when his phone buzzed again. He threw his towel around his neck and sat down. "McGarrett."

"Steve, my man, where have you been? I've been calling for almost an hour."

"What's going on, Jerry?" Steve calmly asked, ignoring Jerry's almost hysteric tone.

"Is Catherine with you? Put me on speaker, I need to talk to both of you."

Steve shook his head and hit the speaker button on his phone. The first sound they heard was a distinct flush. Steve made a face. "Jerry… are you in the bathroom?"

"Well, yeah, killing two birds with one stone, so to speak. And I *had* to give Prudence a reason I needed to leave the table so I could call you."

"What's up, Jerry?" Cath asked, seated in the chair next to Steve while squeezing the water from her hair.

"I don't know. I'm kinda worried that I offended Prudence. As any gentleman would, I allowed her to order first and she asked for a salad. I ordered the double Bacon-Slamburger, which is heaven on a bun, but Prudence made a disgusted looking face at my choice. When our food came, she admitted that she's vegan. Do you think I offended her with my order? I mean, I don't want to scare her off or anything, but who'd a thought she wouldn't like a hamburger with bacon and eggs on it? I mean, that's all-American food, right?"

Cath was trying not to laugh at the look on Steve's face as he pictured a double burger topped with bacon and eggs. "Jerry, just because it isn't something she would eat, I wouldn't think she would condemn you for eating it."

"But why would you?" Steve muttered under his breath.

"What'd you say there, Big Guy?"

"Uh, nothin' Jerry. How many times have you left the table to make phone calls?"

"Only three," Jerry told them. "I said I had a weak bladder."

"Well, that's good dinner conversation," Steve shot back.

"Oh… should I not have… gee, I don't want to offend her—"

"Ignore him, Jerry," Cath said, making a face at Steve. "Just have fun. You'll do fine."

"I hope so," he replied. "Cause, she's really nice."

"Then get back out there, Jerry," Steve ordered.

"Aye, aye, my Cap-i-tan."

Steve pressed the call release button and again reached for his towel. "Man, I don't remember dating being such a chore," he commented.

Cath chuckled. "Not for you, I bet. All you had to do was bat those eyelashes and girls would be puddles at your feet."

Steve stared at her. "I never have batted my eyelashes for anything," he retorted.

"If you say so."

"What? I haven't. Seriously."

"Uh huh, keep telling yourself that," she teased.

"OK, when?" he asked. "Tell me when I ever batted my eyes at you."

Catherine looked at him and smiled, then moved from her chair to his lap. "You didn't have to," she whispered while wrapping her arms around his neck. "The first time I looked in your eyes, I melted," she admitted.

Steve kissed her lips, murmuring "nice save, Rollins," in the midst of nipping kisses.

"I thought so," she whispered back. She pulled away for a second and stared into his face. "So, after our first date, was there a reason you wanted to see me again?" she asked.

Steve grinned. "That would be classified, Ma'am." He batted his eyelashes for effect.

"Jerk." She swatted his arm.

Steve pulled her closer to him. "Does it count that I told Freddie I wanted to date you the first time I heard your voice over the radio?"

"Now I'm sure that's not true," Cath retorted.

"I swear it's true."

"You never told me that."

"I'm telling you now. I had called in for coordinates and the ensign said, 'Let me get Rollins to run that information for you'," Steve explained. "I had no idea that Rollins was going to have the sexiest voice I have ever heard over a walkie talkie. I turned to Freddie and told him my plan to date you. He laughed."

"Aww, that's sweet," Cath told him laughing. "You must have been out of reach of women for way too long to find my voice over the airwaves sexy," she said while twining her fingers with his. "Want to know a secret?"

"Is this the night for true confessions?" he asked, stealing another kiss.

"I asked who you were, too," she admitted. "But only for military purposes. I needed to know who I was dealing with." Cath remembered hearing that voice and instantly having the desire to meet the man.

"Uh huh."

"It's true," she repeated. "I was the newbie and needed to know who I was interacting with. But I will say that when you made it back to the ship, I was most delighted to put a face with your name."

"I seem to recall you turned me down when I asked for a date," Steve pouted.

"You will never let me forget that," she said. "I had already made plans and I couldn't break them."

"Yeah, plans with Sweaty Ralphie," Steve said with a chuckle.

"Ralph was… nice," Catherine told him. "But yeah… he was pretty sweaty. You should try being on a shift with him in a confined space."

"Thanks, but no," Steve replied.

Cath laughed. "You want to fight over the shower or would you like to join me?"

"I could be persuaded to join you."

"Think one of us should wait by the phone for Jerry's next crisis?" she asked only half joking.

"Jerry is on his own. Surely there can be no more questions to ask."

Friday, 2230 Hours

Both towels landed on the floor when Steve pushed Cath down on the bed and slid beside her. "Dare you to finish what you started in the shower," he whispered.

"You dare me?"

"Double-dog-dare," he breathed against her lips, pressing his eager body against her, so that she could feel what he was talking about.

"I can never pass up a dare," she said, circling his neck with both arms, flipping their bodies so that she was lying on top of him.

He grinned up at her. "So, that's the way you want to play it?"

"Shh," she warned him, moving downward for a kiss. "You talk too much," she said between kisses.

A couple minutes of play time was all Steve had patience for and he rolled them both so that he was on top, his elbows propped on the bed, his hands beneath her shoulders. His exploration of her neck was halted when her phone rang.

"Do. Not. Answer." he warned her while his tongue explored the lobe of her right ear.

"Ah… don't… worry," she assured him, unsure she could even hold the phone if she had picked it up. Her limbs felt like warm jelly. Quite a pleasant feeling, she thought.

Miraculously the phone stopped ringing and Steve continued the onslaught of her neck, his lips trailing around her throat to the opposite ear.

And his phone began buzzing.

Steve sighed, dropping his head to Catherine's chest. "So help me, if that's Jerry…"

"He won't give up if it is," Cath warned.

Steve reached for his phone and groaned. "Dammit, Jerry." He kissed Cath's lips and agreed, "No, he won't." With a frustrated sigh, he rolled onto his side and answered.

"Jerry?" His voice was not happy. Nothing about him was happy at that moment.

"Jeez, what took you so long?" Jerry asked. "I tried Catherine and she didn't answer. Maybe you guys need to turn up the ringers on your phones. I am in need of your expertise."

"What. Do. You. Want?" Steve growled into the phone.

"Be nice, Steve," Cath whispered but held up her hands in surrender at his glare. She moved closer so she could hear what was being said.

"Steve, I need your help, man. After dinner, which was lovely by the way, we went for a walk and Prudence asked me if I wanted to go to her apartment for coffee."

"OK… So?" Steve asked a bit distracted. His breath sped up while Cath kept her hands occupied.

"So? Man, I need help. Do I assume she has protection, or do I make a pit stop and buy something? Or, do I ask her? Help me out, I'm new at this dating thing."

"Protec—Jerry, maybe she is just inviting you in for coffee. Just because she invited you to her apartment, it doesn't mean she wants to do anything… else…," Steve said and rolled onto his back, gently slapping at Catherine's hand to stop her ministrations. He couldn't focus on Jerry and on what Cath was currently doing to him at the same time. Although he would have much rather been giving Cath his full attention.

"You mean coffee isn't a euphemism for sex?" Jerry's voice sounded heartbroken.

"Uh, no, not really," Steve said, looking pleadingly at Cath who only smiled at him.

"But I thought.."

"Listen Jerry, you just met this girl. Don't you think you should wait to get to know her before you decide to go to bed with her?"

"Yeah, maybe, I guess. But I thought- Hey, let me talk to Catherine. She might have a better idea than you."

Steve was shocked into silence and watched as Cath started waving her arms in a "no way" movement. "OK, you want Cath? Here you go." He forced the phone into her waving hand, grinning at her discomfort. Knowing that later, he would probably pay for that action.

"Hey, Jerry."

"Yeah, Steve thinks I shouldn't stop off for some condoms on the way to Prudence's house. What do you think? Should I just assume she has some?"

"Jerry, maybe Steve is right. You should play this a bit cooler." Her breath hitched when Steve's fingers began roving up her thigh. "She might…" she stopped speaking and moved her leg when her voice came out in a high pitched squeak. "She might just want to get to know you better over a cup of coffee. Don't assume anything else and you'll do fine."

"You think?" he asked, his voice sad.

"Yeah, I think. Just enjoy yourself and get to know her."

"Well, I guess that's good advice. Let me talk to the SteveMeister again."

Cath smiled and forced the phone back into Steve's hand. "It's for you," she whispered.

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Jerry?"

"I gotta say, Steve, you're one lucky guy. Catherine made me realize that classy girls like her wouldn't have sex on the first date. You guys probably went out for a fancy dinner, didn't you?"

Steve looked at her, his eyes full of mischief. "Yeah, Jerry, she's all class. And you're right... we had dinner."

"I can only hope that Prudence is as nice. OK, gotta go. She might get worried that I'm in the bathroom at the 7-11."

Steve set the phone back on the nightstand and turned to look at Cath, his eyes full of mischief.

"Don't you dare say it," she warned.

"What?" he asked with a grin. "Jerry just said you were too classy to have sex on a first date. I just agreed with him."

"And you told him we had dinner," she retorted. "Funny, I don't consider peanut butter on cheese crackers taken from the room's mini-bar a suitable dinner!"

"Hey, I let you have all six of them," Steve replied. "I ate the Fritos."

Cath laughed. "Yeah, we're full of class, aren't we? If people only knew."

Steve propped himself on his elbow and looked at her. "If they knew what, Lieutenant?" he whispered. "That I was so enamored by you I couldn't be bothered with buying dinner?"

"We had plans for dinner," Cath said, moving closer to him, her head propped in her hand. "Until you were called back to the ship. We only had two hours, so we needed to use the time wisely."

Steve smiled slowly. "And did we?"

"Did we what?" she asked coyly.

"Use the time wisely?"

She grinned and pushed him onto his back. "That we did, Commander. Let me show you just how wisely."

Saturday morning, 0315 Hours

Steve heard ringing in the background and he groped for the nightstand, still half asleep.

The sound woke Catherine and she raised her head from the vicinity of Steve's chest. "It's after three," she mumbled.

Steve finally found the phone and dragged it to his ear. " 'M gonna kill Jerry," he mumbled. "McGarrett."

"He shoots, he scores!" Jerry's excited voice shouted.

"Huh? What?" Comprehension kicked in and Steve realized what had been said. "Eww, TMI Jerry. I didn't need to hear that."

"Just wanted my two besties to know that that the Jer-Man is going home a happy camper tonight. IF you know what I mean."

"Uh, yeah. I get it. G'night."

"Want me to come over in the morning and give you the play by play?"

"NO! Absolutely not! We're busy tomorrow. Goodnight!"

"Someone's excited," Cath murmured, her head once more on Steve's chest.

"He's frickin' nuts," Steve said. "After hearing that I think I need another shower. And the thought of a play-by-play is…" he shuddered. "Is… just revolting."

"Shh. Go back to sleep," she mumbled. "You'll need your strength in the morning." She poked him in the side and added, "You're still gonna get what's coming to you. I owe you for making me lie to him!"

"Is that a promise?" Steve asked and grinned, snuggling her warmth against his chest. He closed his eyes as sleep reclaimed him, his final thought before drifting off … 'Yeah, she is all class'.