FPOV
I looked at the time to see it was 9:15. Sam, must be finished by now, I thought. I walked into my bedroom to find Sam in the bed, already asleep. She still had her dressing gown on. I walked into the bathroom to change into my shorts. I stepped into the bedroom. I made my way over to the bed about to get in when I wondered what she did on the laptop when I was in watching TV. I sat at the desk and started the laptop. I logged on and saw that she hadn't erased the history yet. I went on today's and tried to find the site she was on (it wasn't hard because she was the only one who used the laptop today) I clicked on it and the screen was filled with dark colours. It was a website to help people with cutting. I immediately turned to Sam to see that she was still asleep. I turned back to the screen. I was mad that she was on a website for cutting, but I was glad that she was getting help, even if it wasn't from me. There was a tab labelled, 'Message boards' I clicked on it and I was greeted with a page of different stories about cutting with different people. I looked down and there was one from a 'Samlovesham737' could that be Sam? I thought. No, it couldn't be I started reading.
I'm a cutter. I cut because I'm selfish, unloved and hated be everyone. I have done is since...well, I can't remember. I did it because my dad left when I was young, my mom and her boyfriend abuse me.
Sam's dad left when she was younger,
I do it because I don't care. I don't care about what would happen to me. I always do it on my arms and wrists but recently they have become more noticeable so I have been doing it on my torso and shoulders.
I didn't know anything about that,
I did it about 5 hours ago. When I used to live with them, my mother and her boyfriend would beat me for eating and now I can't even look at food without hearing my screams and braking glass.
Sam told me that earlier,
I ate a bit this morning just to keep somebody happy, but I felt so sick I made myself throw it up later.
Oh my god,
the only problem I have is I have to wear long clothing to hide everything and it's way too hot. So if anyone has any suggestions or advice on how to deal with this, that would be great? No one would miss me anyways.
She made herself throw it back up? When she wakes up I'm gonna check her shoulders and torso. If there were cuts, then it is her. I closed the laptop and crawled into the bed next to her.
She screamed again in the night but this time she woke up. She sat up and started crying into her arms. I sat up and hugged her.
'Sam, was it the same dream?' I asked. She nodded before resting her head in my shoulder and falling asleep
SPOV
I woke up to the sound of my phone going off. I got to get it. I saw that I had a text. I looked at the clock, it was 8:30. Way too early for me to be up. Once I had my phone I laid down on the bed again. I looked at the text,
To: Sam
From: Carly
Where are you?
Ugh, I forgot to reply to her texts the other day. I didn't want to tell her I was staying with Freddie just yet, or that we were dating but I don't want to lie.
To: Carly
From: Sam
Sry I haven't replied to any of ur txts I lost my fone charger :P I'm fine stp freakin' out ;)
There, I didn't lie or tell the truth. I immediately got a reply from her.
To: Sam
From: Carly
You haven't killed Freddie yet, have you?
I smiled to myself when I read that. I was about to reply when I heard a laugh from behind me. I looked up to see that Freddie was looking over my shoulder at my phone.
'So, you haven't told her were dating yet, then?' he asked, standing up and grabbing a shirt.
'She just text me' I said, avoiding the question. I chucked my phone on the bed beside me and got up to go to the bathroom.
'I'm gonna have a shower' I told Freddie, as I passed
'Ok, see you when you're out' he smiled at me. I smiled and closed the bathroom door behind me. I turned the shower on and stepped in.
FPOV
I decided that while Sam's in the shower I could get some washing done. Seeing as my mom wasn't here, I had to do everything myself. I grabbed my shirts that I had worn and headed toward the door. As I was about to open it I spotted a pile of Sam's clothes in the corner of the room. I walked over to pick them up so I could wash them to. I picked them up but a shirt fell down. As I went to pick it up I noticed that the shirt was blue but it had a big puddle of red over most of it. It was blood. I threw the clothes in the washer and turned it on. I sat on the couch and put my hands over my eyes.
So, it was her on the website then. Why would she lie to me? Why would she do that? Didn't I help at all? She said she trusted me. She said she'd talk. I walked into my bedroom and changed into my clothes. Once I was changed I sat back on the lounge couch, waiting for Sam to come out of the bathroom.
SPOV
I finished in the shower and got changed in to my clothes. I had brought them in with me in case Freddie was in the bedroom when I'd finished. I yanked a brush through my hair and stepped into the bedroom. He wasn't there. I dried my hair best I could with a towel and walked out to the lounge. Freddie was sitting on the couch. I sat beside him and kissed him on the cheek. I looked at his face and he looked angry. Oh god, what have I done now? I thought.
'Freddie?' I asked, 'Freddie, what's wrong?' He sighed and turned to me.
'Last night you were already asleep when I came in' he started, 'so I looked at what you did on the laptop while you were asleep' damn it, I didn't delete my history. He looked at me with a pain-stricken expression, 'I read your entry' he continued,
'How did you know it was mine? It could've been someone else's' I burst out, curiosity got the better of me,
'Samlovesham737?' He asked, 'I guessed' I laughed a bit at his sarcasm but he stayed emotionless.
'Sam is it all true?' he asked. I looked down, avoiding the question. 'Is it true?' he shouted, standing up and slapping a glass off the table so it flew across to the other side of the room and smashed. I brought my legs up and wrapped my arms around them in fear. I nodded cautiously, worried about his reaction. He started pacing up and down the room. He was breathing heavily and muttering under his breath. I closed my eyes and waited for him to start yelling. I opened them when I felt someone sit next to me. I looked at him and he had tearstains on his face. Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around me.
'I'm so sorry' he whispered in my ear,
'You're sorry?' I asked,
'Yeah, I'm sorry I let this happen. I did this, if I'd only asked sooner-' he mumbled, he pulled away from me and looked me in the eye, 'I know I've said this, but it's my fault, you wouldn't do this if I'd paid more attention, I might have figured it out and I-' he stopped, sighing. I put my hand on his and he looked up,
'This is not your fault' I said, 'don't blame yourself, if anyone's to blame it's me' I sighed, 'I just wasn't strong enough or smart enough to keep it quiet and everyone would've been better off if I had and-' I was cut off by something warm and soft on my lips. I opened my eyes to see Freddie kissing me. I kissed him back. He pulled away, much too soon,
'No. This is not your fault, don't you ever say that' he scolded, 'and I'm glad you told me' how could he be glad? I've messed up his life?
'How can you be glad?' I asked,
'Because, now I can help the girl I love to be happier' he said smiling,
'You can help by kissing me again?' I suggested. He raised his eyebrow at me, 'it'll make me happier?' I persuaded. He broke into a smile and leant down to kiss me. I closed my eyes waiting to feel his soft lips against mine, only to open them when he backed away. I pouted,
'Only if you promise never to do this again,' he said pointing to my arms, 'Or this,' he said, gesturing between my shoulders, 'and eat something without throwing it back up, please? I can't say how much I love you and I care too much for you to do this' He took my hands. I pretended to think for a minute, putting my fingers under my chin,
'Well, love doing this,' I said, gesturing to my arms and wrists, he looked horrified, 'but I love this even more' I said kissing him on the lips. I smiled at him. He stared at me, emotionless but broke into a smile and started kissing me. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I pressed my lips together tightly. He kissed me more forcefully, in attempt to get me to part my lips. He forced his tongue through my lips and into my mouth. I kissed him and pushed him back so I was lying on top of him on the couch. We kissed until I had to come up for air. He continued kissing down my neck, his lips never leaving my skin. His lips came back to mine again and kissed me, forcing his tongue in my mouth again. I shivered as his hand slipped under my shirt and trailed up and down my spine. I smiled against his lips and wrapped my hands in his hair. He started trailing his hands to my stomach and up to my bra. I shivered, causing my body to arch forward into him. He groaned as I pressed into him. He unhooked my bra with one quick movement.
'Wow, when did you learn to do that?' I joked; I captured his lips in a kiss before he could answer. He kissed down my neck and started to unbutton my shirt. He kissed down to the edge of my bra. He stopped there and kissed back up. He stopped at my collar bone. He sucked and nipped at the skin until I was sure he would leave a hickey. He went back up to kiss my lips. He ran his tongue over my top and bottom lips, asking for entrance which I granted but as soon as I did, he pulled back.
'We have to go' he said standing up, grabbing his wallet and keys and heading toward the front door. Ugh, why did he have to stop? I asked myself
'Where are we going?' I asked, pouting that he stopped. He laughed at my expression,
'Movies' he replied, opening the door.