Okay, so I know this is long in the making and I have put this off far too long. I am very sorry for making all you fabulous readers out there wait too long for an update to my story. For the most part I am happy with this chapter but I feel like it is rushed. I have been very busy with work and life and honestly, not much time to write. So my stories have been in the backburner. I do promise that I have no intention of abandoning any of them, but updates will not be a quickly as they once were, but I will make sure they do not suffer the long wait as before. So forgive me and I do hope this chapter is adequate to everyone. I might eventually go back and change things around as I am never satisfied with my stories. So here it is. It might get a little...heavy towards the end, but I shant say no more. Enjoy and your feedback is always welcomed. I do enjoy reading your thoughts. As I look out my window and see the beautiful colours of fall I am reminded how beautiful the world is. So take a moment even when life is shitty and breathe it all in. ( L'amour est partout. Prenez le temps d'en profiter.) If you do not know french, it bacially means...Love is all around. Take the time to enjoy it.
Chapter 11
It was Sunday afternoon and Bo had promised Lauren to take her riding. Initially Dyson had planned to take her riding but he ran into an old friend who offered to take him sailing and so he selfishly said yes. Lauren didn't seemed bothered by it which made her mother wonder if everything was fine in their relationship. Mr. and Mrs. McCorrigan also noticed the lack of interaction between their son and Lauren. She wondered why Lauren was spending most of her time with Bo and not with Dyson but Bo assured her mother that she was reading too much into nothing and that Dyson and Lauren were fine. The fact that Lauren didn't mind Dyson catching up with his old buddies troubled her, even though her husband said she was becoming a spinster who needed to let things be. Bo was waiting by the car for Lauren to arrive. She was late.
"Sorry Bo," Lauren was out of breath. "I guess I took too long getting dressed." She said shyly.
"You didn't need to get dolled up for me," Bo said grinning, which made Lauren blush. "You could wear old rags and I'd still find you sexy."
Lauren gave Bo a surprised look. Yes, she did spend that extra time trying to look perfect for Bo and she knew it was silly but being with Bo turned her into a jellyfish.
"Don't read too much into it Lauren. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Bo said, realising Lauren was fidgeting.
"Am I that obvious?" Lauren said in a low voice.
"Let's just have fun okay," Bo gave Lauren her best smile. "We best be going, before we arrive there late." Bo said opening the door to her car as they both got in.
They finally arrived at the place. Lauren was getting nervous at the thought of being on a horse again. Bo playfully joked at Lauren but it made her feel tenser. Lauren picked a horse that looked harmless. Maybe it wasn't going to be too scary she thought to herself. They both got on their horses and starting riding, as Lauren followed Bo's lead.
"You look like a natural Lauren." Bo smiled over.
Yeah right, she thought. If you only knew how terrified I am right now you wouldn't say that. She thought. "I must say I am glad that you dragged me here Bo. I need to conquer my fears." If only I could conquer the biggest one she thought to herself. She knew she had to do something about her growing feelings before it consumed her.
"Hey, I promised I'd make sure you were in safe hands didn't I? I keep my promises, remember." Bo said with a big smile.
"Yes you did." Lauren looked at Bo who looked effortlessly. She was so beautiful but it was more than mere physical beauty. It was her inner soul, that intermit light and she found herself observing Bo's strong features. What she saw was courage and strength and she was drawn to her like a magnet. No matter how hard she tried to endure her growing feelings, nothing could prevent the strong need that was mounting inside her heart. She desperately wanted to feel Bo's skin next to hers.
"What are you thinking about Lauren?" Bo looked at Lauren who seemed lost in her own thoughts.
Lauren was aroused, coming out of her trance, "What did you say?"
"I said what were you thinking about just now? You seemed to be thinking about something heavy." She repeated again, this time giving Lauren a devilish grin as if she could see through those brown eyes.
Lauren blushed, feeling exposed. "Sorry, yeah, I guess I was. I must've blanked out." Lauren said trying to change the subject.
"Hey follow me." Bo said, as she led them down a path. She went through different trails, trying to take in the scenery.
After a while Bo was starting to get hungry so they decided to get something to eat at the nearby restaurant. As they dismounted their horses Lauren turned to Bo and said, "I just need to go to the ladies room, be right back." Bo went to find them a seat. She waited patiently for Lauren who seemed to take a little longer than necessary.
"I was beginning to wonder if you fell into the toilet seat or something." Bo smirked.
"Who me, nah, just trying to look my precious self for you." She winked back.
"Well you don't have to go the extra mile on my account Lauren." Bo flirted. "I like when you have that messy hair look. Very sexy I might add."
"You always know what to say to a lady," Lauren giggled, feeling warm inside. She had to admit, she loved when Bo made her feel sexy.
"I am a woman of many words," Bo licked her lips. "You're so beautiful, it not hard to find the words to tell you."
Lauren flushed again. She couldn't count how many times she blushed in one outing, but Bo had a way to make her blush. She felt like a school girl with a huge crush.
Bo felt a sharp pain in her head but tried not to show it. The headaches subsided for most of the time but today it felt different and that worried her. After they both ordered, Bo woofed down her food and Lauren was amazed how someone so thin could eat so fast. Bo looked up to find Lauren staring with amusement. "When I'm hungry, I don't waste any time." She gave Lauren a wide grin.
"I can see that." Lauren continued eating then she noticed a little blood from Bo's nose.
"Shit," Bo said. When she was in the bathroom earlier she was having nosebleeds and she didn't want to worry Lauren, so she tried to clean up without hindering suspicion.
"Bo, why is your nose bleeding." Now Lauren was concerned.
"It's nothing Lauren really. I think it was all the dust from the horses and riding. When it gets really dusty it makes my nose really dry and sometimes it bleeds." Bo knew Lauren would not be satisfied with her explanation. But the dust really did affect her, which is why she keeps a humidifier in her room.
"Are you sure Bo?" Lauren wasn't sure if Bo was being honest but she felt that Bo had no reason to lie about it. "Please don't keep anything from me. I just worry."
"Trust me Lauren. You can ask Dyson about it." Bo said hoping that her reason was enough to reassure her. "Let's enjoy our meal before we head back to the house."
Lauren nodded her head. Was Bo hiding something from her and if so why? She knew it wasn't her place to question Bo as they were not a couple but it still worried her. Why does everything have to be so complicated she thought to herself?
XXXXX
They headed back to the house where Bo's parents greeted them. They all sat around the dining room talking. Dyson was still out sailing.
"Bo, I'm going to miss you when you leave tomorrow. What time did you say you were planning to leave?" Her mom enquired.
"Ma, it's only three o'clock, plenty of time to enjoy me." She went to kiss her mother's cheek.
"Don't I get one too?" Her father pouted. "I know you're not that little girl anymore, but you will always be my precious baby."
"Oh course." She went over to her father and kissed him then turned to Lauren who was smiling. She was thinking she'd like a kiss too but knew that Bo wouldn't dare try it in front of them.
"I don't have to head back until Monday evening." Bo said to her parents. It was Sunday and she was having a relaxing time with her parents but she really enjoyed being with Lauren. After a few hours went by Bo asked Lauren if she wanted to take a walk with her. She told Lauren that she was going to change into something more comfortable and to meet her at the guesthouse.
Lauren changed herself and went to the guesthouse looking for Bo. She knocked and heard Bo saying come in.
"Bo?" Lauren went inside, she could smell the sweet incense that floated in the room.
"Over here, just in the bathroom, be out in a few minutes." Bo shouted back.
Lauren waited patiently observing the room. She hadn't noticed it the first time, but it was warm and there was lots of pictures of Bo, some alone and some with friends and family. She noticed a picture of Bo and a woman hugging together and felt instantly jealous.
"That's Amber, remember the friend I told you that I met during skiing." Bo went to show Lauren.
"Yes." Lauren said in a low whisper. "She's very pretty."
Bo wondered if Lauren was jealous as her voice sounded different. "Yes, she is very attractive. She even done some modeling jobs."
"Where did you say she's from again?" Lauren said, trying not to look at Bo.
"I met her at Whistler, BC, but she's actually from Alberta. Calgary that is." Bo took a drink from her glass. "She is so awesome, I think you'll like her."
Lauren thought for a moment, then said, "Oh yes, I remember now. She's the one that's having problems with her ex-girlfriend."
"Yeah, I still don't know why she stays with her. I mean she's cheated on Amber once, and if you ask me, she deserves better." Bo couldn't understand how some couples could be together when clearly they weren't right for each other.
"Well I guess there's something that keeps her in that relationship." Lauren stated coldly.
"Well I'll be damn if I knew what that was. I mean she's pretty open to me but I find that she holds back, which is natural, I mean considering that nobody wants to air out their dirty laundry."
Lauren nodded in agreement. Bo felt dizzy all of a sudden and had to sit down. Bo rubbed her eyes and rested her head in her hands. Lauren looked at her with concern. "Is something wrong, Bo?" she asked. "You don't look good at that moment."
"Just a headache again, Lauren. No big deal." Bo said, trying to downplay her growing pain.
"Bo, you are obviously in distress. I think that is a big deal." Lauren said with concern. Bo didn't look right. "Why are you so stubborn?"
"No, it's not a big deal Lauren, really. It's just a bloody headache, that's all." The look on her face told Lauren not to pursue the subject. "I know someday you're going be a world class Doctor, but today, as I know you're just concerned, just be my friend."
Lauren felt defeated as she took a long breath. All she wanted was to be here for Bo and offer her advice and help. "Can I get you something? Advil? Tea?" Lauren asked, still feeling like Bo was keeping something from her. She hated seeing Bo in distress when all she wanted to do was hold that hark haired woman in her arms and never let go.
"Advil would be good. Thanks. It's just in the bathroom."
Lauren got up and went in to the bathroom where she retrieved a bottle of Advil from the cupboard. Then she told Bo that she needed to get something from the house. When she got there she found Mrs. McCorrigan in the kitchen and asked if she had any herbal tea. She looked inside the cupboard searching until she found it. She asked Lauren if she was feeling okay, which she replied that Bo just had a headache. Five minutes later she returned to the room, she studied Bo's posture carefully. She was obviously in pain. "Drink this," she ordered.
Bo opened one eye. "What is it?" she asked.
"It's herbal tea. I went into the kitchen and your mother helped me find it. It's to help with your headache. I added a little menthol to it." Lauren said while passing the mug to Bo.
"Does it taste disgusting?" inquired Bo.
"No worse than Buckley's," replied Lauren still concerned that maybe it was more than just a headache.
Bo sat up on the couch and grinned. "An old friend from high school moved to Vancouver after graduation. He was all into this magic potion and stuff. I thought he was a real kook." Bo tried to laugh but found it painful to grin.
"Bo, perhaps you should see a doctor," she suggested.
"No. No doctors, no hospitals, none of that. I've been poked and prodded enough for one lifetime." Bo was defensive.
"You have?" asked Lauren in surprise.
"Why do you think I hate hospitals so much? I've spent enough time there for them to practically reserve a room for me." Bo said in a serious tone. She really did hate hospitals. The sterile smell - the cold atmosphere - and all the doctors with their stethoscope, trying to prod your insides.
"What for?" Lauren inquired. She was curious to why Bo spent time in the hospital. Dyson never mentioned Bo being sick in her early years.
Bo sighed. She knew she couldn't keep this from Lauren and she knew it was the right thing to do as she didn't want to keep things from her. "Years ago, when I was playing hockey, I tangled with some really bad guys, and I came out on the losing end."
Lauren placed a hand on Bo's shoulder. "What happened?" she asked gently.
There was a faraway look on Bo's face as she told the story. "I was out with some of my mates at a bar where we used to go to after a game. We just won a match against the other team who wasn't too happy about having to lose against a woman in net. I got drunk and we were having fun when a few assholes from the other teams came into the bar obliviously looking for a fight." Bo tried sounding calm but her voice was beginning to crack. "Anyhow, somehow some of my teammates got into a verbal match with them and I tried to break it up. I wasn't interested in having my mates get into a showdown with these idiots from out of town, who clearly wanted payback. To say the least they weren't impressed that I had gotten them kicked out of the bar." Lauren looked on with great interest. "A little while later I decided to go home. My mates were having a wild time and I didn't want to break up their fun so I left with Timmy who was kind enough to offer me a ride home. Once we got outside and headed into the ally, they seemed to be waiting there in the dark. They started hassling Timmy and someone sucker punched him and I guess my defences took over and I charged at the guy and started to help Timmy who was getting a real beating. I knew we was in deep shit so I tried to run away but I didn't get a chance to when someone from behind me knocked me out with a wooden stick." Bo smiled weakly but Lauren was horrified.
"What happened next Bo?" Lauren said horrified. She couldn't believe that those jerks would go that far to seek revenge.
"The next thing I knew a bunch of guys were kicking me and calling me names I care to not mention."
"Did they hurt you bad?" Said Lauren angrily.
"They more than hurt me. They almost knocked me unconscious. One of them was wearing heavy steel-toed boots, and he kicked me in the head." Bo winced at the memory. "But, I was lucky as Timmy got the worst and for a moment I thought he was dead. I remembered him lying there motionless. I never been so scared in my life."
Lauren was gob-smacked and disgusted. She wanted so badly to hold Bo in her arms and comfort her. "How did you manage to escape?" Lauren asked who was full of angst that someone could be so bloody mindless and gutless into beating someone to a pulp.
"A passer-by scared them off and called for help. Guess we should have waited for the others, but we didn't. It was my fault that Timmy got beaten up so badly." Bo felt tired and her headache was still bothering her.
"No, Bo. You didn't deserve that. No one does." Lauren rubbed Bo's arm.
Bo shrugged. "I didn't wait for the others and Timmy was doing me a favour. Don't go in to a situation alone. But we did. You'd think I would have learned my lesson. We could have died out there." Bo felt a huge lump form in her throat. "The worst part about everything," Bo sighed as she felt teary-eyed. "Timmy was never able to play hockey again. It was my fault that he could never play pro."
Lauren moved so that she was sitting closer to Bo as she put her arm around her. "Listen to me. You mustn't berate yourself as you did nothing wrong. It wasn't your fault that Timmy got hurt badly. That does not mean you deserved to be beaten and almost killed." Lauren couldn't believe that Bo was putting the blame on herself.
"All right, all right, I hear you," said Bo. "But it still hurts knowing that Timmy was left with permanent damaged. He didn't deserve that shit."
"So what happened to them?" Lauren asked.
"Nothing much, they were charged with battery and assault, but they plead bargained and was sentenced to 4 years in jail, but a year later I heard that three of the five attackers got out for good behaviour. So tell me, where's the justice in that?" Bo said angrily. "Now I have to live the rest of my life feeling damaged."
"Bo," continued Lauren. "You said that you were 'damaged' from being kicked in the head?" Lauren continued holding Bo in her arms to comfort her.
"Well no, not in that sense." said Bo, so quietly that Lauren could barely hear her.
"Tell me," said Lauren without sounding demanding. "Let me hold you closer."
"Not here," Bo responded. "I want to tell you the rest, but not here okay."
"All right, where do you suggest we go?" stated Lauren who was still feeling angry for what Bo told her.
"Follow me." Bo got up and held out her hand. She waited for Lauren to reach out and when she did she took her hand and intertwined her fingers with Lauren. Her hand felt warm.
Bo smiled for the first time since her headaches had started. "No way am I letting you drive, Lauren," she said.
"Bo, I don't think that you are in any shape to drive right now." Lauren protested.
"I can drive. Probably better than you can, even with a headache. I'll even go, slow if that'll make you feel better." Bo said, mocking Lauren who didn't look amused.
"Bo, you are incredibly stubborn." Lauren gave her a knowing look.
"Yeah, but you love me anyway." She smiled a toothy grin.
Lauren didn't respond. She stopped, looked around, and then turned to Bo still holding hands. "I care about you, Bo You know that, don't you?" Lauren looked into the big brown eyes that were staring at her like a lost puppy. "Don't you realise how important you are to me and if anything should happen to you, I don't know what I would do." Lauren said, a lump in her throat.
Bo smiled. "I know." She put an arm around Lauren's shoulders as they walked out to the car. "You have me as long as you want me." She saw the watery tension in Lauren's eyes. She took Lauren's hand. "Follow me beautiful."
Bo decided to head to a place that she used to go when she was younger when she needed to think straight or just spend time alone. It was an old creek with a medium size pond that had all sorts of fish inhabiting it. The air was cool with a chill and the place was surrounded by huge trees, which seem to tower over everything. It was quiet and serene, nature's beauty at its best. When they arrived there, Bo immediately headed for the pond. Lauren, who was stretched out on a huge flat boulder watched Bo gaze at the pond and its' surrounding. It was beautiful in its fall colours and quiet and the air smelled fresh and clean, abet a bit chilly but they were both dressed warmly. Bo headed back to Lauren who was comfortably sitting down on a large rock. She sat next to Lauren so close that it made her heart jump.
"You don't have to continue if you don't want to Bo. I'm sure it must be hard rehashing old memories." Lauren said looking over at Bo who looked beautiful with the sun shining in her eyes.
"It's okay. I haven't told you everything." Bo sighed. "Well, the headaches, for one. And the mood swings - hell, you've seen my temper. You've never seen me punch holes in walls. And sometimes I have trouble controlling my anger, even when I know that I could really hurt someone physically. Sometimes I have trouble expressing my thoughts, I still can't make it come out of my mouth properly when I am frustrated or angry."
Lauren put her hand under Bo's chin and raised her face so that she could look into her eyes. "Bo, I have never thought of you as someone who was abusive. You have such a caring nature about you. Perhaps you're too hard on yourself, and project that feeling onto others, but I have never thought of you in that way. I love your heart."
Bo smiled. "I have this nasty scar on my head and for so long I thought that nobody would want to touch it. They would think me as some kind of damaged goods."
"Bo," Lauren said looking over at her with loving eyes. "I think you're beautiful. Do you mind if I see it?" Bo hesitated for a moment, what if Lauren was disgusted by it, would she still like her? She took Lauren's hand and place it over the scar as she parted her hair.
"It's a good thing I was blessed with thick hair." Bo tried to lighten the mood.
Lauren ran her fingers over Bo's scar, it felt smooth and she felt closer to Bo. She trusted her enough to let her touch something that obviously had emotional scarred her. She wanted to close her eyes and run her fingers over Bo's face and kiss her gentle on the lips, but of course she didn't. She didn't have to nerve to do it.
Bo groaned and leaned in to Lauren, who hugged her close. "I'm sorry, Lauren. You're right; I do think that I'm overreacting. I mean, well, I was never what my folks wanted, and I couldn't measure up to my brother, so I just always had this feeling like they were disappointed. And when I told them that I was in love with a woman I felt that they wouldn't love me the same, but I know that wasn't the case. I know they are both incredible happy with me and only want the best. I even thought that they blamed me for being attacked." Bo squeezed Lauren's hand. "I know I'm going off topic but I've been holding this inside me for too long."
"It's okay Bo, you can tell me anything. There is no place I'd rather be than here with you." Lauren reassured Bo squeezing her tightly. "But they seem so fine about it Bo. They seem very liberated and accommodating."
"They are, but it wasn't like that in the beginning. It was especially hard on my mother whose only daughter wasn't going to be her perfect ballerina girl. She wanted me to get married and have kids with a man and she knew being with a woman was going to be hard." Bo sighed. "I mean, it wasn't as if I knew who I was going to fall in love with, man or woman."
"You can still have them one day if you marry a woman."
"I know but it broke my mother's heart at first. My father was more understanding; I think he suspected something was up. I just felt like a big disappointment to them. I know they love me now and are very protective of me but there are times that I feel like I ruined their plans for a big expensive wedding."
"That's normal Bo. It takes a while sometimes for parents to adjust to everything. It's a big shock at first, but you're parents seem really caring. And your father adored you."
"They are, and sometimes it's hard because I let them down. I know they don't care anymore and love me regardless who I end up with, they would do anything for me but, I guess it's all in my head Lauren." Bo was feeling fragile and wasn't so sure that she wanted Lauren to see this side of her but she couldn't help it, she needed the comfort, she needed Lauren.
"They obviously love you very much and Dyson thinks the world of you, Bo," Lauren said.
"I know he's been my foundation through it all. He was my saviour and he helped our parents accept and understand it. I don't know what I would have done without him." Bo eyes were watery. "There's also something else I didn't tell you." Lauren was gob-smacked. More, what else is Bo not telling me she thought to herself?
Bo looked at Lauren who seemed anxious, but Bo knew that Dyson wouldn't have told her. She only told a few good friends, it wasn't like it was a really big secret but Bo was private about most things in her life. She just didn't want people to see her weaknesses. "When I was younger, about 4 or 5 yrs. old, I was sick a lot and my parents suffered needless anxieties. They took me to a couple of doctors before they found out and it devastated them. I was too young to understand it at first and Dyson was old enough and he used to watch over me." Bo said as Lauren looked on with keen interesting. Lauren went to hold Bo's hand as she smiled back. She wanted to let Bo know that she was here to support her and she also selfishly wanted to feel Bo. Bo didn't know why this was hard, but she felt vulnerable and it scared her.
Lauren sensing Bo's hesitation squeezed her hand, "It okay it I'm here baby. I want you to let me in your heart. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, I hope you realise that." She went to caress Bo face with her fingers. Bo closed her eyes and felt safe.
"The doctor told my parents that I had acute lymphocytic leukemia."
Lauren was rendered speechless. "Oh Bo." She couldn't believe what Bo had just told her. She wanted to cry into Bo's arms but knew she was here for her not the other way around.
"It's okay Lauren, I lived to tell the tale as you can see." Bo smiled weakly. Looking into Lauren's eyes made her feel alive and she needed that feeling.
"I'm sorry Bo, you threw me for a loop. I can't believe the diversities you have gone through in your young life. I mean my grandmother on my father's side died of ovarian cancer but I was little when she died so I don't have a lot of memories about her."
"Sorry about your grandmother." Bo tried to smile. She didn't want to sound deep. It was in the past and she didn't want Lauren feeling concerned about her. "It was in its early stages and I was one of the lucky ones. It was really hard on my parents, especially my mother, who cried every day. I was spoiled a lot."
"So you're in remission?" Lauren said feeling worried.
"Yes Lauren I am. No complications so far and it's been a long time. I was sick a lot, had a lot of nosebleeds, and I bruised easily, plus I lost a lot of weight. I had a lot of fevers and always felt week. My parents were so worried." She looked into the worry eyes that were staring back at her. "My mother still bugs me about being too thin, she still worries, she tries not to let it show but I can sense her panic whenever I get sick."
"Oh Bo," Lauren rested her head on Bo shoulders. Here she was with the woman who she had fallen in love with and she couldn't even be honest to her about it. She felt disgusted with herself. "Bo, why didn't you tell me about any of this before?"
Bo ran her fingers through Lauren's hair. "I wanted you to think I was this unbreakable woman, who was perfect."
"I'm not perfect, Bo. Nobody is." Lauren stated.
"You're smart, you're good-looking, you're polite, you have Dyson - and a few men – I'm sure falling all over you. I never thought you'd want to get close with someone like me...especially if you knew I was ... damaged."
Lauren kissed the top of Bo's head. "You're not damaged. We all have baggage that we carry. It's called being human."
"Maybe I just need to lay down for a bit." Bo said, feeling a little nauseous.
"What about your headache? Is it still hurting? I don't mind comforting you. I like playing the nurse." Lauren smiled at Bo.
Bo smiled jokingly. "I've heard that sex is good for headaches."
"Well, it does create endorphins, which are the body's natural pain relievers..." Lauren laughed. She enjoyed having Bo next to her.
They walked for an hour, Bo showing her the places she used to go to. The skies looked threatening and Lauren thought that maybe it would be best if they left before it rained but Bo wasn't haven't any of it. So what if it rained. It didn't bother her. She wasn't ready to go home and Lauren seemed a little detached.
It seemed that Lauren was struggling inside. Bo telling her the things that happened to her as a child made her afraid. Afraid of losing Bo without telling her how she really felt but she just didn't know how to process her thoughts into her mouth. She was apprehensive and it was affecting her in a negative way. Bo was resting on a marble stone watching Lauren. Her facial expression was out of the ordinary and she knew that something had to be bugging her. Bo thought that maybe the implication of what she said was the root of it but it wasn't the impression she got.
"Lauren, what's wrong?" asked Bo.
"Nothing is wrong, Bo. I was just suggesting that we head back before the rain pours on us." Lauren stated.
"No, Lauren that was not just a suggestion. You're trying to get out of answering this question. Why?" She continued looking at Lauren.
"I would simply prefer not to answer it, Bo," stated Lauren trying to look away.
Bo got up and went over to where Lauren was standing. She put her hands on Lauren's shoulders. "Why, Lauren? What are you afraid of?" she asked.
"Bo..." Lauren's voice trailed off. "I would rather not say."
"I want to know, Lauren. I'm your friend don't shut me out. We shouldn't have secrets from each other. It isn't a good way to have a relationship."
Lauren paused then went on. "I think…..," she paused. "I've messed up on everything. I don't know which direction I'm going anymore." She replied looking nervous.
Bo looked confused. "Messed up? What do you mean?"
Lauren sighed. "My life has changed so much since I met you Bo. Before, I was living this normal boring life that was planned out for me. I have a wonderful boyfriend and good friends. I'm just scared of messing that up."
Bo put her arms around Lauren. "I don't think you have anything to worry about, Lauren. From what I know of you, it's not very likely you will 'mess up', as you put it. You're a fine woman, you're gorgeous. You make me crazy when I'm near you." And before Bo could finish her thought Lauren walked over to the car and stared out at the sky. Bo approached her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't turn away from me, please, Lauren," she begged.
Lauren turned back to face the woman she had fallen head over heels with. She just stood and looked at Bo for a long time. Finally, she said, "Bo, what I fear most, more than anything, is losing you."
Bo was surprised. "Lauren," she said, "You're not going lose me. I'm not going anywhere."
This was going to be hard. Lauren couldn't see any other way out she had to tell Bo before she lost her nerve. "That's just it Bo, it's more complicated than that."
"So why don't you just tell me." Bo continued looking into her eyes. Lauren was edgy and she had a hard time staying focus.
Lauren looked over at Bo, she knew that she was totally in love and she couldn't deny it any longer. Spending time with her during the weekend finally made Lauren realise that she enjoyed spending time with Bo more than Dyson. That she liked and wanted to feel Bo physically.
Bo just looked at Lauren who was struggling. "Lauren," Bo ran her fingers over Lauren's face. "Please don't shut me out."
"Bo, did you really mean what you said earlier." Lauren said, looking at Bo with intensity.
Bo wasn't sure what she meant. "What do you mean Lauren?" she replied back.
"About how you feel about me." Lauren said it shyly.
"Of course Lauren, I was being completely honest with you. I can't help that fact that I've fallen in love with you and every time I'm near you my heart flinches, but at the same time I respect that you're with Dyson and I don't want to lever lose you as a friend. "
Then it began to rain, and the rain was coming down hard but both women seemed unwilling to move. They just stared into each other's eyes. Bo closed the distance between them. Lauren looked like a bewildered little girl who needed the guidance to open her heart.
"Bo," Lauren continued looking at Bo.
"Yes Lauren." Bo moved so close that she could feel Lauren's breath on her.
"I think, I think I've fallen in love with you." Lauren finally managed to say. That was all that Bo needed to hear. Nothing else mattered. As they stood there in the pouring rain all they could focus on were each other. Bo leaned across and kissed Lauren softly. Then the kiss deepened. Lauren was overwhelmed with sexual energy than she had been keeping inside for weeks. Bo then ran her fingers into Lauren's hair, which was dripping wet. The two bodies, wet from the rain felt like electric bolts running through their bodies. Lauren felt exhilarated; every part of her was like a nerve being satisfied beyond her imagination. It was like her body was alive but then she started to feel overwhelmed with emotions that gripped her intensely. She needed to run, run away as fast as she can. Lauren pushed Bo and ran so fast that she was taken aback. What the hell just happened she thought?
They both drove in silence and when they got to the house, Lauren jumped out of the car and ran into the house. She wanted to run after Lauren was decided that she didn't want to make a scene, plus she was set wet from the rain. She went into the guesthouse and changed into dryer clothes before she headed to the house to hopefully talk to Lauren.
When Bo arrived at the house she found her mother looking rather annoyed and perplexed. .
"Bo, why do you look like you just saw a ghost?" Her mother asked. "Did you and Lauren have a disagreement?" She said with a strict voice. "What the hell is happening?"
"It's nothing mother, just a little misunderstanding." Bo replied.
"Nothing," her mother pouted. "The look on her face did not spell nothing and then she politely asked if she could leave again. I'm confused Bo." Her mother said, shaking her head. "Something doesn't sit right with me. I know I can over-analyze things, but I know better when something is going on."
"Mother, please don't lecture me," Bo said defensively.
"It's pouring rain and she's wandering alone outside, Bo!" She shouted at her daughter. "I don't know what's going on but you should go find her before she catches a cold or worst."
"Don't start with me okay." She said feeling stupid. "I know what I must do but if she happens to come back can you please inform me. I really need to talk to her."
Her mother didn't quite understand what was happening but she knew that there was more to the story and something between Bo and Lauren didn't settle well with her. "Fine, but this conversation is over yet." Her mother said in a harsh tone. "You owe me an explanation, and don't you dare belittle this conversation."
"Right now my only concern is Lauren. You can yell at me later," Bo kissed her mother on the cheek before she headed back outside.
XXXXX
Lauren was walking in the rain. Her tears drowned with the rainfall and she couldn't believe she acted like a prat towards Bo. The passion that she felt inside was so overpowering that it was too much too soon and she couldn't handle it. She knew she had to see Bo to apologise.
Bo heard a knock on her door and when she opened it Lauren was standing soaking wet. She felt a sense of relief. "I've been searching for you woman. Come in Lauren. You need to get out of those clothes before you catch your death." Lauren was quiet as Bo went into the room to fetch her some dry clothes. "Here Lauren, take these, they might be a little long but they'll keep you warm. You can change in the room." Stated Bo.
Lauren just nodded and made her way into the room and closed the door behind her. She was shivering. She carefully removed her clothes and dried her hair. She sat on the edge of the bed and just stared into space. 15 minutes went by and Bo was beginning to wonder why it was taking Lauren so long to come out. She felt a little worried and sick.
"Lauren, are you okay." No respond. "Lauren, I need to know if you're okay." Bo pleaded. She could hear shuffling inside so she knew that Lauren didn't faint or something. Bo knocked on the door, "Lauren, bloody say something, you're starting to worry me."
"I just need time Bo." Lauren said in a low whisper.
Time Bo thought. You've had loads of time up to now. What's to think about? She was beginning to get impatient. Another 15 minutes went by and still no Lauren. Bo knocked again. "Lauren it's been ages. When are you going to come out and face me?" Bo walked back and forth waiting. "Don't avoid me, we need to talk about what happened." Bo pounded on the room door. "Lauren. Open this door before I break it down!" She yelled.
After an eternity had passed, Bo heard the sound of the lock turning and the door opened. "Lauren? You okay?" She asked as Lauren appeared in the doorway. Mentally, she thought Lauren you look like hell. She looked as if she was crying. Her eyes were red.
"Yes, Bo, I am perfectly fine," came the reply.
"You don't look fine to me, Lauren," stated Bo. "Are you going to let me through your guarded walls?" For a moment Bo thought that Lauren would slap her, but she looked too tired or too defeated to argue. She simply stepped aside to allow Bo to enter. Bo shivered. "Lauren, why are all the windows open?" Bo then sat on the edge of the bed. "So, are you going tell me what happened earlier? Why did you run off?" Lauren didn't respond. Bo got up from the bed and walked over to where Lauren was staring sightlessly out of the window. She tapped Lauren's should and led her to the bed and waited for her sit down."
The two of them sat in silence for a while. Bo placed her hand over Lauren's, holding it tightly. Finally, Lauren broke the silence. "Sorry Bo...I didn't mean to be so distant." She said.
Bo squeezed her hand. "No, I'm the one that should be apologizing. I was being too forceful. It's just that I care about you."
"Thank you, Bo." Lauren said, feeling exhausted.
"Lauren, you look worn out. Why don't you rest for a while? You can stay here if you want." Bo suggested.
"What about you, Bo?" asked Lauren. "What are you going to do?"
"I think I'll continue with my writing."
"No, I don't want to inconvenience you. I can leave and go back to the house." Lauren whispered.
"Listen the place is big enough for the two of us, and I don't think it's a good idea that you head back to the house in your state of mind?" Said Bo.
"Yes, I suppose you're right Bo. You can watch over me." She tried to smile.
"If you like I could put on some soft music for you that is if you don't have a problem with that, Lauren?"
"No, Bo, not at all, that would be nice." replied Lauren.
"I better let my parents know that you're here with me before they get worried." Bo said as she went to dial the phone. After telling her mother that Lauren was with her and that they planned to watch a movie, so she needn't worry. She didn't want to get into a discussion with her mother about Lauren so she lied. Just a little white lie she thought. She went to make her and Lauren some tea but when she came back she saw Lauren sleeping. Lauren was indeed tired so when she closed her eyes she fell asleep almost instantly. Bo looked at Lauren on the bed and sighed. "You're so beautiful," she said softly. Why did I have to go and fall in love with you, anyway? How had she let that happen? What would Lauren think of her - that she might try and take advantage of her vulnerability? She wanted it so badly - but it would be taking advantage and she couldn't allow herself to think of such thoughts. She wanted Lauren to want it on her own.
Bo climbed into the sofa across from the bed, wearing a t-shirt along with her shorts. She lay awake for a long time, watching over Lauren wondering if she would be strong enough to face the consequences that would more than likely result if they were to become physical.
Even though she confessed her love for Lauren and Lauren basically felt the same way, what Lauren needed the most right now was a friend, and she would be that friend. She fell into a fitful sleep, trying not to think about the nearness of the other body in the bed. Sometime during the evening Bo awoke to sounds of muffled sobs from the bed. She rolled over and saw that Lauren was crying, trying to muffle the sound with her pillow, probably so that Bo wouldn't hear. She remembered the last encounter with Lauren and how she had comforted her. She got up to put her hands on Lauren's shoulders.
"Lauren?" She said softly. She moved closer. "It's okay darling. I'm right here for you." The tears continued but Lauren seemed more relaxed with Bo that she wasn't trying to hide them. Bo pulled Lauren into her arms and held her close, letting the tears fall on her thin t-shirt. Eventually the sobs quieted, and Lauren relaxed in Bo's arms. "Feel a bit better now?" Asked Bo.
"Yes, slightly," answered Lauren. "Thank you, Bo." Bo wasn't quite sure why Lauren was crying but she knew that she was facing some personal turmoil. She didn't want to question Lauren, she just assumed when Lauren was ready to confide in her then she would.
"No problem, Lauren. You'd do the same for me if you were in the same situation."
Then without thinking Lauren grabbed Bo's hand and placed it over her breast. Bo was shocked for a moment. It took a few seconds for it to register in her brain. She wasn't quite sure how to react. When they kissed in the rain she felt that Lauren was ready but then she ran away and now looking into Lauren's eyes they seemed different. Calm, and she wasn't running.
There was an odd quality to Bo's voice when she spoke again. "Are you sure Lauren? Is this what you really want?"
"I want to, Bo," was the simple reply. "I want to feel you more than anything right now. Please I need to feel you." She said with a desperate look in her eyes. Gone was the fear, gone was the holding back. Right now the only thing she knew was that she loved Bo and the need to feel her physically was stronger than anything she has ever felt in her life.
Bo gently caressed Lauren's hair away from her face while her fingers seek Lauren's mouth, which were soft and moist. She then began to move her hands feeling Lauren's skin, and she couldn't have stopped it if she wanted to. She was mesmerized by Lauren's pure beauty. She then pulled Lauren gradually towards her, Lauren's reaction was to abstain but she gave her a reassuring smile. She watched Lauren tremble and gave her a seductive smile, which made Lauren laugh. This was all new to Lauren and she felt herself become excited with each touch. Lauren's eyes rapturously looked on as Bo pushed her fingers pass Lauren's blouse pulling her closer, thrusting herself upon Lauren's tense body. She removed Lauren's blouse with ease.
"Oh Bo," Lauren moaned.
Then she slowly pulled her shirt off and moved closer to Lauren, feeling her warm body aligned with Lauren's. She kissed Lauren, gently, and felt Lauren's mouth responding eagerly, hungrily. Then she lowered her mouth towards Lauren's breast and felt the softness of her nipple, which was by now harden. Together they felt their bodies were being swept away by the tides of passion that were consuming them. It was like a thick fog of desire that was lingering in the air. She then began her assault on Lauren's body, she licked; then sucked, and stroked Lauren gently with the tip of her tongue, soft and warm leaving her with the wetness of her saliva. All Lauren could do was moan.
She looked up to find Lauren watching her, giving her the courage to go farther. She rolled on top of Lauren, pushing her hips upwards as Lauren pressed herself hard against Bo. She loved the way Bo moved. She began to rock back and forth-stroking her pelvis onto Lauren's, moving up and down, increasingly with rhythmic movements that stimulated Lauren who felt like she was riding a crest of a wave and the higher she got the more sexually wet it made her feel. Lauren found herself spiralling out of control. It wasn't long before she cried out Bo's name as her orgasm overtook her, and Bo came at almost the same instant before collapsing on top of her. Lauren couldn't believe how amazing it felt.
"That was wonderful Bo." Her voice trembled as her legs tingled with sensation.
"I'm not finished with you yet. The night is still young." She said with a mischievous expression.
"Bo," Lauren kissed her, "You drive me wild."
After a while she started to caress her hand on Lauren's body, lowering, adjusting until her hand rested on Lauren's thigh. Bo pushed her back down on the bed and reached under her and pulled off her white lace panty. At this point Lauren wondered what was going to happen next, when she pushed up against her, which immediately got Lauren sexually aroused. As Lauren looked on, Bo moved her hand up and down Lauren's leg, feeling her tremble with excitement as she stroked between Lauren's thighs until she finally gave in to her temptation. Lauren was wet.
"Stop Bo." Lauren tried to control her breathing.
"What's wrong Lauren?" Bo was confused.
"I'm just scared Bo." She looked on with concern. "I'm afraid I might lose myself."
Bo kissed Lauren, "Baby, don't be afraid. Don't you want to?"
Lauren knew she wanted Bo. She wanted to feel Bo's fingers inside her but her emotions were so strong that it frightened her. "No Bo, that's not it. I want you more than I wanted anything in my life." Lauren said. "You make me feel so much that I can't breathe."
"We can stop if it's too much for you." Bo didn't really want to stop but at the same time she understood Lauren and would be patient.
Lauren looked at the big brown eyes that were looking down on her and she knew that she wanted to go all the way. "Bo, I love you."
Bo's heart melted. She squeezed Lauren's hand and felt her heart constrict with emotions. "I love you Lauren."
At this point Bo leaned over and kissed Lauren's ear and told her that she was going to take things slow, she didn't want to hurt Lauren. Lauren just nodded. By now Lauren's breathing was becoming more difficult and she manoeuvred her hand so that her fingers were tracing a line up and down her sex. Lauren's muscles tensed up then she gradually surrendered, easing apart her legs. She allowed her fingers to explore her deeper. Lauren is wet and Bo's fingers fill her as she continues to thrust with slow and cautious movements as she tenderly bite Lauren's lip careful not to leave an imprint on her. Slowly she moved her tongue on a downward spiral, tightening the grip that held them together. Lauren's eyes convey to her all that she needed to know.
"Don't stop Bo." Lauren pleaded.
"Not now Lauren, I want you to feel it all."
"You tease." Lauren sneered.
Lauren began to feel something she had never felt before in her whole life-the feeling of almost total submission to another human being and it felt totally overpowering. Lauren boldly reached out and began to touch Bo's breast-it was soft. She immediately began to respond to Lauren's touch, she took control of Lauren's body, thrusting faster, deeper until the point of exuberant but stopped before the moment of orgasmic explosions. She wanted Lauren to feel so much more so she moved her tongue along Lauren's thigh teasing her. Lauren sensing her orgasm closing in pushed Bo's face closer to her sex as Bo continued to lick to the rhythm of Lauren's movements with her skilful tongue.
"You feel so wonderful Bo." Was all that Lauren would say! She was totally immersed in the pleasure of Bo's lovemaking. "I love the way your tongue feels inside me." Lauren continued to moan and Bo smiled inwardly feeling Lauren's body tighten and rise with excitement. Lauren felt like she was close to a thunderous orgasm that she thought that she was going to explode into fragments. Then Lauren started to tremble as Bo continued to lick, suck with intensity that Lauren began to spasm as wave after wave of orgasm swept through her shaking body.
Bo sprawled on top of Lauren, for a little while before she rose, kissed Lauren softly, and rolled on to her side to give Lauren the much needed space after all she needed time to come down from her out of bound experience.
Then she heard Lauren cry. "What's wrong Lauren? Did I hurt you?" She felt bad, maybe she intentionally hurt her. She wrapped her arms around Lauren feeling her body tremble.
"Sorry, you didn't hurt me Bo." Lauren responded with a strain whisper. "It's just….it's just I have never felt such intensity with another human begin."
"Oh Lauren, believe me I feel exactly the same way too." She wiped Lauren's tears from her face.
"But you've been with other women before."
"Yes, but never at this magnitude. What I feel for you is so strong and powerful that making love to you is an experience I have never thought possible."
Lauren closed her eyes; she loved the way Bo's voice made her stomach turn. "Bo," she sniffed, "You make me tremble inside." Bo moved closer and held Lauren tightly. "I never imagined that being with you physically could make me feel complete, lost and so bloody happy all at once."
Bo smiled, "Lauren, it's called, being in love."
Lauren closed her eyes and Bo held her until her trembles subsided. As she lay there with Lauren watching her fall asleep her last thought was, 'how will Lauren feel tomorrow when reality hits?'