An: Buffy and Angel are going to get back together, Holly, it's just going to take a little while to happen (they get together during this chapter) I should also tell you there's more drama ahead, I did say that this story was very long, so… I hope you enjoy this!

An2: don't forget to review me!

An3: my beta left me in the blue after chapter 5, so I've been running on empty tanks, I'm sure there are typos and tenses and other mistakes, so I'd really appreciated if you would point them out for me… thank you! I'm not an American, and English ain't even my first language… so on with the show!

Chapter 9 part A

"Somewhere I belong"

ZZZ

Day before New years eve, 2005

Giles once said that people would surprise you every now and then, well he was perfectly right, people were bound to be incredibly gracious at time… but they were also bound to be real assholes when least needed…

"I thought I told you to tidy up your bedroom… yesterday." It had been a week since Buffy and Angel last saw each other, he had tried calling her a zillion times, but Buffy wasn't answering the phone; she had decided to focus on getting her son back on the right track, which at the moment seemed to be a complete failure.

"You did, Mom, but I was busy yesterday, I had to do homework."

"You had to do homework? Who do you think you are talking to? I'm not stupid, Patrick; you better get your ass off that couch and go do your chores…"

"Or what? You'll rat me out with my daddy? You'll tell him what a bad son I am? Or are you going to kidnap my xbox again?" Buffy couldn't believe she had had let her son get that cheeky, she was a therapist after all, she told parents not to use threats as a mean to get things done, and she had done it herself, over and over again, the past had a way of coming back to bite you in the ass when least expected.

"I'm not going to do any of that, this is your room, so it's your responsibility, you can see that everything is exactly the same as it was last week, books on the floor, clean clothes rumpled on the corner, shoes all over the place. That's not tiding-up. If you wan to live in dumpster that's your business, but this is my apartment, I'd appreciated it if you were to clean up your mess, in fact it would make me very happy if you would."

"I'm playing right now, I'll do it later."

"That's not working for me, Patrick, you said that three times already…I'm asking you nicely, so it would be gracious of you, nothing to say of appropriate and meaningful, if you would please, tidy up this room… now." Buffy unplugged both the TV, and the X-Box and stood firmly in front of her wayward son, staring right back into eyes, daring him to defy her.

"Mom!"

"If you do it now, I'm going to help you; you'll see that you'll like it better once is all clean and…"

"Read my lips, Buffy. I am not going to clean up just because you're ordering me to do it."

"I'm not ordering you, I'm asking you,"

"Since when do you ask for anything? If you want something done, you just do it yourself."

"That was then, this is now, please get up, we are going to…"

"I'll do it later."

"No, Patrick. You'll do it now; I'm going to help you with it."

"You go to hell! You hear me? I'm not going to fucking clean up this shit!"

"Patrick! That's enough; I'm not going to tolerate this kind of language in my house." He wasn't listening to her, so Buffy pulled him by the arm. He had been trying to reattach his machine, completely ignoring her orders.

"What now, Mom? Are you going to send me to my room? Or are you going to ground me again?" She didn't say anything back; she just stood there, tightening the grip on his arm.

"We need to talk with your father." He got seriously angry and shoved her against the wall, slamming her head against the concrete, Buffy was about a hundred pounds and Patrick was taller and stronger than her, near ten pounds heavier at the moment; for once in her life, Buffy felt threatened by her son.

"Why don't you just send me to live with Spike so you can fuck Angel all you want!" Buffy slapped him on the face without even thinking about it, leaving a red imprint of her hand on his cheek; she went livid with anger, her son had never spoken to her like that, and she'd be dammed if she left him start now.

"You don't talk to me like that. I'm your mother. Take it back." Buffy got so angry when he didn't say anything back that she slapped him on the face again, this time with the back of her hand, Patrick's face was now red on both sides. And then she made a run for the phone. She needed to talk to Spike right away. She couldn't deal with the boy anymore, suddenly Patrick screamed, throwing the X-Box to her face. She squarely missed it by ducking.

"I hate you! You are the worst mom in the world!" Buffy started crying then, something was seriously wrong with Patrick. What could've taken her son into such a 360° spin of personality? When had things gotten so violent and out of control between them?

He had been such a dear boy when he was younger, it couldn't have been Angel, he had only been there for a few weeks, they hardly even talked for god sakes, there was something else; someone was poisoning her son.

"You are nothing but a whore!" Buffy dropped the phone when she heard Patrick say that. She rushed to his side and grabbed him by the shoulders, trying unsuccessfully to calm him, trying to get him to realize what he was saying.

"Where did you hear that word?"

"On the Goddamned TV! I hate you! I hate Angel and everything about you two! You are going to leave me with Spike and never come back because of him! You are just fucking him for his money! You don't care about how I feel! I hate you!"

"And I thought you were innocent. You are not innocent at all. What makes you think I'm doing that? Who told you that?"

"It's what all the parents do! You'll leave me alone with daddy and he'll say how much of a bad mommy you are! And then you'll have more kids with the schmuck, you'll leave me, and you'll never come back!"

"I'd never leave you, Patrick! You are my baby!"

"Of course not. You love Angel more than me! I tried to break you two apart getting him grounded for loosing me. He's a rich idiot, Mom!"

"Patrick! I can't believe you! You are not like this! You know that I love you more than life itself. I love Angel too. But, it's a different love…and he loves you too! He loves us both." Buffy had to bite her tongue not to say he was his real father, even though she really wanted to.

"You are a stupid bitch!" Buffy cradled his head between her hands, and forced him to look at her in the eyes.

"This isn't you; Patrick. Where is this coming from? Who told you to call me that?"

"What do you care?"

"I do care, because you are my son. Where did you get all this? Tell me!" Buffy was very clear that a nine year old boy didn't get that kind of speech at school. She needed to know who was getting those ideas inside her son's mind.

"TV, school, the streets. What does it matter?"

"You just turned nine, there's no possible way you understand what you just said to me! Where did you hear that? Tell me!"

"Daddy! He said that! He talked like that with his girlfriends! He told them those things, while he thought I was sleeping! Sometimes he even told them when I was beside him. He yelled at them. Did awful things with his pecker too, I saw him! He told me you were like that too!" Spike, god almighty, how could Buffy been so blind, Spike for god sakes!

"Oh my God! I can't believe this. This can't be possible. You have to be lying to me!"

"I'm too, he said that! I'd never lie to you, Mommy! He told me you loved Angel more than me! That you'll send me away, and I would never see you again! That you were fucking him for his money!"

"Get your things ready, dear. We're going out." Buffy didn't know what to say or do. Spike had been psychologically abusing her son. She couldn't believe she hadn't seen that one coming. Spike wasn't exactly a role model for anything. He was a good doctor. But, he had never had a single significant relationship with a good girl. Now she knew why, he was an abusive asshole. And a really bad example too!

"No! I won't go! I don't want to! You are going to dump me somewhere! Please don't! I love you, mommy! Please don't' leave me!"

"I am not going to leave you alone, ever! Were are going out, you and me, we need to talk to Angel, you and me and him, the three of us, there's a lot of things that you need to hear … but I need to you understand something before anything else, that is: that I would never leave you, you are my baby, nothing can break us apart!"

"Would you swear that?"

"I swear it! Cross my sick heart over it!"

"Ok, mommy, I'm going to go with you… but please stop crying, I can't stand it when you cry." Buffy could've hardly contained her tears before and then she felt as though she was been torn apart by her son's request.

"I need you to give me a hug, Patrick. Mommy needs you to hug her real tight, ok? Would you do that for me?" He didn't say anything; he wiped the tears away from her face and then hugged her bear-tight.

"I love you, mommy, I didn't mean to hurt you before, I just got so angry, I didn't know what to do…"

"I know, baby. I understand what you mean, let's go get our coats so we can go out, ok? Do you want to eat some ice-cream? I feel like I need it."

"Yeah, I'd like that very much."

My God! And I though Spike was such a good parent; thought Buffy, how could she have been so blind, he was psychologically abusing Patrick; he was sabotaging his relationship with Buffy, and he was destroying any sort of friendship between Patrick and Angel. Could have Spike been motivated by pure parental jealousy, or was he an abusive parent?

Buffy had to call Angel then, she had to announce him she would be going down to his house, and that she was taking their son with her.

She didn't give Angel much detail to the reasons for the meeting. But Angel immediately realized she was terribly upset, he could tell she had been crying, so for better or for worse, Patrick's fate had been decided that night, sooner or later he would find out that Angel was his biological father.

(Note to readers: I don't like characters bashing myself, but we all know Spike can get very abusive when he doesn't get what he wants, remember the episode when he raped Buffy? Well I was just keeping true to some pointers of the character! And he does swear a lot, so is all cannon, right?)

ZZZ

"Calm down, Buffy. Tell me what happened." Buffy came to Angel crying and sobbing, she was still upset about the fight. She could barely talk as they walked through the house.

"Patrick. H-he told me a-awful things," no ice-cream cone could erase the words been said, or the pain inside Buffy's heart.

"What sort of things?" Buffy and Angel ended speaking inside his studio for privacy. Patrick was sitting in the living room, caught up in his own feelings, staring with teary eyes at the wooden panels of the floor.

"That I was a w-whore, that I was fucking you for your money! And that I was going to leave him so I could be with you, he's gotten inside his head, that I love you more than him, that I would leave him for you!"

"He said that?" Angel couldn't believe that, Patrick was a little too smart for his own good, but he wasn't that kind of a kid.

"Among o-other things, h-he even threw his Xbox to my face! He's so poisoned, Angel!"

"Poisoned by whom? Who has been doing that to him?"

"I still can't believe it … but, he said it had been Spike."

"What! Why? What was he trying to do?"

"Get him to be against me. He wants to have Patrick all to himself. He wants to hurt me through him, I think he's afraid of what's going to happen after I tell Patrick the truth."

"I can't believe him. Are you sure?"

"Patrick never lied to me before in his life…and the things he said…it was clear they came from an adult, one who is very resented with me."

"Is he resented because you told me the truth about Patrick? Or because he's jealous of me?"

"Both. I think he can't deal with the fact …that you are the only man I've ever loved, that you are just better than him, in everything."

"And he wants to get to you through Patrick, making you choose between the two of us, using him to hurt you, because he hates me?"

"Exactly."

"What a son of a bitch!"

"I know. I can't believe he did that, either."

"You explained the truth to Patrick?"

"I want to, but, I need to calm down first. I-I can't even speak straight right now. We went to get some ice-cream, and I couldn't even see him in the eye without crying, I can't believe I didn't see this happening, it was right under my nose, this must have started such a long time ago!"

"I know, baby. Come here, give me a hug. You are safe here… I'm sorry these things happened to you. We are going to figure this out, don't panic, you are not alone anymore."

"I love you, Angel."

"You know I love you too. I want to discuss the fact that I want to… I need to have custody of Patrick. I want him to be an O'Quinn. I want to be his father. I want to tell him the truth…"

"I want you to. But these things can't be done like that, he's so confused already, let's break things down piece by piece… you said you wanted to move in together, I think that could be a good idea, it could get him to build a stronger bond with you, and at the same time we'll limit his time with Spike, we both need some time to clear our heads, to think about what we are going to do. What do you think?"

"I couldn't agree more!" Angel was furious with Spike, but he could almost thank him, he had forced Buffy right back to his arms, she was talking to him and she was also suggesting moving in with him because of Spike's deviousness! Talk about unexpected turn of events!

"That's all we are going to tell him now, the rest will come later… it's going to take a while; we can't cut Spike clean from his life like that, he must have time, and therapy too. He needs to overcome these things, and accept the changes that will happen to his life…"

"I understand that. He looks very sad. Should I go talk to him before you do?"

"I think that would be confusing for him, do it with me, he needs to see that we are together and that we agree about this. I'm going to wash my face now. I can't face him like this." Angel wiped the tears and the running mascara away from Buffy's face, and walked her tenderly to the bathroom, Buffy was awestruck of much alike were father and son, maybe it was genetic, the love for her.

Angel on the other side could hardly believe Spike had done that. It wasn't just cruel and abusive, it was beyond that. It was a crime, a perversion. Spike deserved to be punished for that, and Angel yearned to be the one administering it.

"I'm very glad you are here…despite the reasons… I'm sorry about what happened the other day; I didn't mean to hurt you, Buffy. It was all so fast, one minute he was there… and the other he wasn't, I know this was terrible for you, believe me, it was terrible for me too." Angel was seething inside, much like his son had been before, but he could hide all his feelings well. He would have plenty of time to make Spike pay for what he had done to Buffy. Last thing Buffy and Patrick needed was another unstable male around them. He had to be the strong shoulder where she could cry on. He had to be her rock.

"It's ok, Angel. I understand now, I know it wasn't your fault, let's just go talk to Patrick, ok?" In time, Angel would make it look like an accident. He would get his pride satisfied and his kind of justice done. He hadn't gotten his sacred Angelus the scourge of Europe reputation for nothing. Somebody had messed with the love of his life, and his only son. He was bound for revenge. The kind famously relentless Irish folk gave, time to plot was all Angelus needed.

"Ok," Buffy could count on that. He would cut his right arm for her, hell: he would cut his heart, his legs, and his dick too. His love for her had no such thing as limits.

ZZZ

"Why don't you come here, darling? We want to talk to you." Buffy and Angel, sat to both sides of Patrick on the porch, where the ambience was better for talking deep things, and where he would feel like he was free, like he wasn't been cornered against his will.

"I'm sorry, Mommy. I didn't mean to say bad things to you. I love you. I was just scared and angry… I didn't know what else to do!"

"And I love you too, baby. You are my son, blood of my blood. Nobody, and I do mean nobody, can keep me away from you. You don't have to be afraid or scared anymore, we love you Patrick, we respect you, and we need you to know that."

"Him too?" Patrick pointed out to Angel.

"I'm the last person in the world you have to be worried about, Patrick."

"The thing is, baby, that Angel…well he's the man of my life. The man I love. While you, you are my baby. I carried you in my belly for nine months, I breastfed you for nearly a year, you made me wake up at two in the morning because you wanted to be held in my arms, how could you think someone can change my love for you? That I would send you away for any reason? There is no reason to confuse both loves, Patrick, because they are very different. Do you understand what I'm saying, Darling?"

"Not really,"

"A husband or a boyfriend, it's a partner, a person you love because you desire to, someone you want to share your life with, a companion, a friend that is very close to you, somebody you want to raise a child with… A son is a reason, not an obstacle to overcome; you are a part of my heart and soul, Patrick. You are flesh of my own flesh. Somebody I'm bound to for the rest of my life. One love does not exclude the other. And you can be death-sure that I'm never going to leave you!"

"Buffy means, she loves you just the same, whether I'm here or not. And this love you two share will never change. Not because of me, or because of anybody else."

"Do you love me too?"

"Of course I do! I love your mommy with my whole heart. And because of you, I love her even deeper. I would never put myself between you two. I understand you come first, and you'll always will. You are her son. I can't …and I won't compete with that."

"We both care for you, Patrick; we don't want you to think those bad things ever again. We are together, the three of us, for better of for worse, no matter what your Daddy Spike or anybody else says to you, know that we are a family. And you are the most important part of it."

"There can't be a family without you, Patrick. Buffy and I will always be together for and with you, and we want you to know that."

"Do you love my mommy that much?"

"I love Buffy with all my heart, Patrick."

"We are thinking we would like to move in together, to this house, you and me and Angel… that's if you'd still want to. Would you like to move into this house, Patrick?"

"That's what I meant, when I ask you, if you were happy we were going to live together. I never meant to leave you out. We are a family, because you are here. And you'll always will. I want you to know that I respect that. What do you say, man? Do you want to move in her with me?"

"I don't know… it is a big house… could I have a pet?"

"Yes, you could, I would let you have as many as you like."

"Is it true, Mommy? Is it true that we are all together and that you are never going to leave me? Are we really going to move in here? Can I really have a pet?"

"Of course it is, Baby. It's all true, boy scout honor on it." Patrick jumped into Buffy's arms, weeping loudly. All his deep fears and resentments toward Buffy and Angel were cracking down. They were a family. Something Patrick had always dreamed about since he was a little kid. Angel joined their hug, and they stayed together like that for a long time, rejoicing in the feeling of a first 'family' reunion.

"Are you guys hungry? I'm starving myself." Asked Angel.

"You bet! Let's go to Macdonald's!" Patrick said as he grabbed Buffy and Angel each by one hand, and smiled a huge grin full of joy as he pulled them towards Angel's car. For children: change was so easy, like you could just patch-up ten years of mistakes and poor judgment with a few nice words and a change of scenery, was it all just that easy?

No, certainly not, Buffy and Angel still had so many obstacles to overcome that it seemed this was just the first step of a very long journey.

"Mickey dees? Oh God, I'm going to have to change a lot of things for you aren't I?"

"Of course, Angel! We are a family now, we gotta stick together!" Patrick Said cheerfully, he was so sweet sometimes, had he been the child he was meant to be, he would have been the joy of the house, hell … he would've been the joy of the entire family.

ZZZ

"There's somebody I'd like you to meet, before we go anywhere…" Angel opened the door to the garage/workshop and two little beasts came running towards them.

"These are: Bingo and Trixie, my dogs." Patrick jumped to their side and hugged them, they were so cute.

"You are so great! I can't believe you have two… do you breed them? They're golden retrievers, you know? They are big dogs, mom wanted to get me a Yorkshire terrier, but I told her they weren't nice! Auntie Willow wanted to get me a poodle, said Tara liked them a lot, but I didn't. I like huskies, and Labradors and boxers… and Golden retrievers too!"

"I guess you could say he likes dogs…" Buffy said as she observed the scene with a detached eye, her son had always liked animals a lot; maybe he'd grow up to be veterinarian.

"That's a good thing, Buffy. Now, about that moving-in part… shouldn't we be going down to your apartment, getting some clothes … and your medication, you know the basic stuff until you move-in for good?"

"There's plenty of time for that, it's only noon; we'll go after lunch."

"I can't believe you've got puppies! You should've told me earlier!" Patrick was so taken with the dogs he forgot he was the hungry one to begin with.

"You just got here, man! I have other things that you are probably going to like, I have a cake—your birthday cake actually—in the freezer, and a room full of un-opened presents… in case you wanna check them out."

"Prezzies? Of course I want them, what did you get me? It can't be dogs… we've already got two, I'm going to help you look after them! We are going to fed them and bathe them and…"

"That was the long term plan; your mom said she liked them too, so they were a present to her, actually."

"You are such a cool guy! Mom, can I go get the presents?"

"I think I'd like to eat better, they'll still be there when we get back, let's go have some food. I'm starving!" Patrick didn't like that idea much but he saw Buffy's point, presents would still be there when they returned.

"Ok, mommy! But well hurry back, right Angel? I don't want to leave them alone."

"You've got it, Kiddo. Let's go get something to munch on!"

ZZZ

"Is he asleep?" Asked Angel, they had eaten lunch together at Friday's, which was a little better than Mcd, then they had gone to Buffy's place, and then Patrick had stayed watching TV in Angel's bedroom through most of the day, he had satellite TV and Tivo, so Patrick parked his ass in front of Angel's 57'' home theatre and nothing, not even the puppies or the presents had taken him out of there.

"Soundly," Buffy and Angel were talking in hushed tones in the bedroom across the hall; it was close to nine pm, so it was time to sleep.

"How long are you planning to stay?"

"Are you kicking me out already?"

"Of course not! I just wanna know how much groceries I have to buy tomorrow,"

"Well, in that case, buy plenty. Your son eats a lot,"

"We should go together, say tomorrow morning around nine? Shop for the Christmas dinner?"

"Sounds good…that reminds me, I have to call Anya and Willow, let them now I won't be staying with them for the holiday. I just can't face Spike right now. We had plans; we were going to spend it all together, like we do every year… I guess this year will be different."

"It would be different for me too, first year without Faith…"

"Of course it will! I'm sorry I forgot that. At least you've got us now,"

"Not at least, thankfully. I'm very tired, Buffy …so, I'm going to go hit the sack now." Buffy had been fidgeting around the room. Once she had examined everything, she was faced with two possibilities: going to bed alone, or going to bed with Angel.

Angel was still five feet away from her, letting her keep her personal space. Should he be the one actually inviting her to sleep with him? Or should she be the one making the first step?

"Me too, Angel. I know my way around here, so, if I need anything I know where to get it, and by the way…Thank you. I really do appreciate it, you letting us stay here. No questions asked. It's very kind of you."

"It's not a matter of kindness, you are my family, Buffy, my only family, and holidays are the time to be together. You go and sleep tight, we are going to have a long day tomorrow. I hope you have pleasant dreams tonight!" Buffy had taken her intended room while Angel had decided on sleeping where he had originally planned Patrick to sleep at, so they would be five feet away from each other, which didn't seem like a terribly long distance to cross if they wanted some company, just a few steps across the hall.

"I won't. You have a good night, too!"

"Can I get a goodnight kiss?"

"Sure," it was probably the chastest kiss Angel had ever given Buffy, barely a nip. But then again, he wished her to feel safe in his house, not molested, or obligated to have sex with him, not unless she wanted to, not under the emotional distress she was in, not unless she really wanted to make love to him, and the signals were clear, she was still confused, anxious about things, making love to Angel was the last thing on her agenda at the moment.

"My door is open…in case you want to visit me again, like you did the other day…" he though he should suggest it at least, just to leave the window opened.

"Funny you, I'm very tired. Let's leave it for some other time, when things are a little bit less confusing, I don't want Patrick walking up on us, can I take a rain check?" plainly, Buffy didn't want to cross the distance that night. She had said some other time, which was a window of sorts.

"Sure… I Love you, Buffy."

"You know I love you too." She kissed him again, and pushed him out of the room right afterwards, closing the door behind her. She was really tired and confused.

Angel slept with an eye open as well as the door, and ever constant of movements on the corridors, nothing even resembling a good night sleep. But he was reeled-up, so much had changed in a day, how could he just sleep it over, like it was nothing? It was something; it was one of the single most important days of his life, the first step of a journey, the journey of the rest of his life… now he had Patrick and Buffy.

ZZZ

"Hi!" Angel was very surprised when his son woke up ten minutes after he did. Following him to the kitchen a while later, at the very early hour of six in the morning.

"Where's mom?" It was still dark outside.

"She's still asleep. You need something?"

"No, I'm just wondering around."

"So you're an early riser too?" It was the morning of New Year's Eve, that day were most people slept late, so they could stay up at night.

"Not really, I just couldn't sleep anymore."

"You wanna eat something now? Or you'll wait until Buffy is up?"

"I'll eat now. Whatcha you got?"

"Check the fridge, if you want cereal it's on the cabinet to your left, and the dishes are above the sink."

"What about spoons?"

"First drawer to your left." Patrick sat down next to Angel, and started eating his corn flakes.

"What are you doing there?" Angel was writing something down something on a notepad.

"Making a list, we are going to the market later, you want to add something?" there was the basics, milk, eggs, coffee, sugar. Etc.

"You are missing all the important stuff: chicken, meat, vegetables, fruits, frozen yogurt, ice cream, tooth paste… and toilet paper too!"

"I guess you know by now I've never actually shopped for groceries on my own? I have a housekeeper that comes every Tuesday, she cleans up after me, does some shopping and makes sure I'm not welling on my own dirt, her name is Kirsten, and you'll meet her next week."

"Me neither! I can't shop alone, I just love to go with mom, and put all the stuff that's not on the list on the cart … when she's not looking."

"Do you! Like what, what do you like to sneak in the cart?"

"Potato chips, chocolates, muffins, bagels, candy, things like that. Oh! I love crunchy peanut butter too!"

"That's great! I love it too. We'll get plenty of that then!" It was good to know that Angel had more in common with his son that just bad temper, the looks and the love for Buffy.

"Mommy loves Sara Lee's cheese cake."

"Thanks for the tip, man! I'll get her that. Anything else Buffy likes?"

"Blueberry muffins too, she loves them."

"We'll get those as well. Any brand of soda you like better?"

"Seven up, and diet coke for mom,"

"Eat your cereal then, I'll catch up writing all those items you just told me."

"Buy waffles mix too. Mommy loves to make them on Sunday."

"That reminds me, we need to buy the turkey. Do you think we can still get one?"

"Not a chance! We'll have to eat chicken. One time, Auntie Willow cooked soy gravy for Christmas and made us eat it! ugh! It was disgusting! I'll never eat that again!"

"That makes two of us. I hate vegetarians too. Darla—I mean my ex-wife—made me eat salad, for thanksgiving!"

"That is just plain evil! Did she forbid you to eat meat too?"

"No, even worse, she forbade me coffee! Said it made me cranky. It was she whomade me cranky!"

"Mom could never live without her coffee."

"How does she take it?"

"Black, with two bags of splenda…or latte-vanillas, she likes that too sometimes."

"Dou you cook your mommy some breakfast?"

"That's a great idea!"

"Let's go check on the puppies first."

"That's an even better idea! I wonder if they are cold or hungry..."

ZZZ

"It's a really bad day to go to the market." Said Angel.

"New Year's Eve always is." said Buffy, once happily awake, and filled with delicious eggs Benedict done by Patrick and Angel, they had all headed-off to the hell known as supermarkets on the holidays.

"Is there anything else you want? Were nearly coming to the clerk, and I won't be coming back here later."

"We got everything we need."

"Good. Did I tell you Wesley and Fred and coming by tonight?"

"No, you didn't. In that case, let me go get more snacks." Buffy left the line quickly, and ran back to get more food and liquors.

"That's better." She came back loaded with stuff.

"Is Darla coming too?" Buffy asked point-blank, leaving Angel dumbfounded.

"No, at least not to my knowledge, she's staying with a friend of hers, some fashion designer named Drusilla or something like it." But she could show up, and ruin their party completely.

"I'll lock the front door, after the other guests arrive, in case she comes by." Angel didn't want another scene like the last one.

"Are you guys still friends?" Were they?

"I wouldn't say friends. We…we are acquainted or formerly related."

"What about the baby?"

"I told you it's not mine!" Angel's face was more foretelling that any outburst; she needed to drop the subject, immediately. It was dead-end with Angel; he would never even fathom the possibility.

"Ok, whatever you say, Angel."

"Don't psycho-babble me, Buffy. It's true. We are not together. And that baby isn't mine. It could never be mine."

"Sorry, Angel. I didn't mean to offend you."

"Fine, just leave it alone. I don't wanna talk about Darla anymore."

"Deal. Can we talk about Fred and Wesley then?"

"What about them?"

"How close are you?"

"Pretty close, especially since I moved here."

"I guess they'll be your witnesses…if we ever get married." Angel was once again left dumbfounded, Buffy was a master as saying things point-blank. If we ever get married…

"Maybe, the best man would be Wesley for sure."

"Willow would be my maid of honor."

"If we ever get married…" an uncomfortable came between them after they said that. How should Angel spill that he still had plans? How Should Buffy say she was waiting for his proposal?

"What about Spike?"

"I said I don't wanna talk about him!" Then it became Angel's turn to realize Buffy wasn't ready to discuss that one either, Buffy was still tender about that issue, hadn't figured out how to break that kind of news to anybody, not even to Willow, who was her best friend. Buffy had decided to let the tide go down before she spoke to anybody about the new living arrangements, nothing to say of the upcoming change of custody.

"But you will, eventually." She had only said she was spending the holiday with Angel. And that Spike shouldn't expect them back any time soon, which was pretty vague for Buffy's standards.

"Maybe, I don't know, I guess! I'll think about it. Now leave it alone! I don't wanna talk about Spike anymore."

"Deal."

"I guess we've covered all the controversial subjects."

"No, there's actually one left: How's your mom doing?"

"I haven't heard from her since last week. Last time we talked she was fine, a little weak because of the drugs, but, mostly fine. You are right, now we have covered all the annoying subjects in less than five minutes… that must be some kind of a record, right?"

"I'm glad she's doing better. We'll visit her sometime later, during the summer maybe… if you are up to it."

"We will." Buffy wondered when they had become a 'we', it seemed to have rolled out of Angel's mouth easily. And she had readily accepted it, following it with another 'we' of her own.

"Can I bring this, Angel?" That was the first time Patrick was asking Angel to buy him anything, quite a milestone for them.

"What is it?"

"Biscuits, for the puppies," Angel would never say no.

"Sure, get me some dog-shampoo too, I'm running out of it,"

"You've got it, Angel!" Patrick ran to the dog food alley and disappeared behind the stands.

"Found your mojo then?"

"Definitely."

"That makes me very happy."

"And me!" Buffy and Angel shared a knowing smile as they waited for the long line of customers to role; Angel had finally connected with Patrick, and that was magnificent. It was truly amazing for the both of them and for Buffy as well. If she could get them to be close to each other, it would be easier to break the news, Buffy was thinking Patrick's next birthday seemed like an appropriate time for it, a whole year to tighten-up the bond. Was that enough time? What do you think?

ZZZ It will continue on chapter 9 part B… ZZZ

There will be another update soon, but you gotta be patient guys, these ultralong chapters don't exactly write themselves out, you know? So be a bunch of dolls and wait on me, I hope this satisfies your appetites for a while!

The mean kitten.

Don't' forget to review me!!!

ZZZ

Extra: I thought this song defined the first part of chapter very well, so…

"Somewhere I Belong"

By Linkin Park

(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've held so long
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong