Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: As always thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed and favourited so far. I can't believe this story has made it to 50 reviews- keep it up! This chapter is Finn's chapter and is written in memory of Cory Monteith. May he rest in peace.

Chapter 10: Reason Ten-Finn Hudson

I am just about to slide my tape into the slot in the tape player when I hear a voice calling my name from across the Breadstix parking lot. I walk to see where the voice is coming from and to my surprise it's Kurt. "Kurt what are you doing here?" I ask. "Get in the car Finn" he says. "I'm kinda busy" I say hesitating. I don't want to have to get in the car with Kurt otherwise I'll never finish the tapes. "Yeah I know. Just get in the car please" he says. I grudgingly open the door and get in.

"You're the tenth person I've had to follow Finn" he says. "Follow? What do you mean?" I ask him. "Rachel wasn't lying. There's a second set of tapes. I have them" he says. "You have them? Why did she pick you?" I ask. "She just said that I was her best friend and the only person who wasn't on the tapes that she could trust with them. Well she didn't actually tell me, it was all in the letter she left. If I'd known what they were before she died then I would've stopped her" he says. "I guess that makes sense" I say. "Which tape are you on?" he asks. "Mine" I say. "It's not as bad as you think Finn, honestly. Just listen to it. Listen to it and you'll understand" he says. I nod and slide the tape into the player.

I never thought we'd have a last kiss

Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

(Taylor Swift-Last Kiss)

This tape is not about blame. Finn baby, I don't blame you for any part of my suicide. You were my salvation in times when I really thought I was about to drown. You were the one person who I always felt truly cared about me.

Of course I did Rach. You were the love of my life. Still are. I'm never going to find another girl like you, not in a million years. You were one of a kind, Rachel Berry.

I don't want you to blame yourself Finn. I know you will because you're such a sweet, generous, kind hearted person and you want to do your best to help everybody. I'm sorry that I was beyond your help. Believe me I wish things could have turned out differently for me. You were the one thing that kept me here for as long as I was. If it wasn't for you, I would never have made it to New York. I would have died in Junior Year. You saved my life once Finn, I know you're thinking that you could have saved my life a second time but you couldn't Finny.

I could have Rach. If you'd let me I could have. And then we would have been together now, I know we would.

The only reason you are on here Finn, is because I felt you deserved an explanation. I didn't want to die without telling you why. You deserve that much. The only thing you ever did wrong was sleep with Santana and not tell me. And I understand why you did it. You didn't want to hurt me. And you never did. You made me feel like I was the most special person in the world even when I felt like I was buried under a pile of crap. I know that our break up was my fault. I should never have slept with Puck. And I am truly sorry for hurting you like that. I know what it feels like to be cheated on and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone much less the love of my life.

If I was the love of your life Rach then why couldn't you have stuck around for me? Why did you just let go? We should have been together forever.

I don't blame you for going back to Quinn either. It hurt me to see you two together but I cheated on you. I deserved the pain. You didn't.

No you didn't deserve the pain Rachel. I was stupid and heartbroken and Quinn was well…. there. There to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. But the only thing that truly healed it was getting back together with you. And now you've broken it again. With you gone it's like half my heart is missing Rach. The half that will always belong to you.

I loved you from the moment I first saw you Finn. And you made my senior year the happiest year of my life. You made me feel special and loved. I didn't just love you Finn, I loved the way you loved me. When we made love for the first time, I felt complete. Like I had only been a half but now I was whole. You were always my other half Finn. My soulmate. Your proposal to me was the most special moment of our life. I was devastated when Quinn stopped our wedding.

So was I Rach. So was I. I wanted to marry you so badly. Now it's too late.

You helped me get back up so many times when I thought I never would. Especially after my choked NYADA audition. When you let me go at that train station it felt like my heart was being shredded into little tiny pieces.

So was mine Rach. If I'd have known what you were going to do when you got to New York, I would have changed my mind and driven to the church that day. Heck I should have changed my mind and driven to the church. Then we'd be married and in New York together. And you'd be alive.

But looking back now, that was the most selfless thing anyone ever did for me. You loved me so much you were willing to sacrifice your happiness for my dreams. I know I didn't seem it at the time but I really am grateful Finn. And I truly wish we'd been able to find our way back to each other. It's not your fault that we didn't. That honour belongs to the remaining people on these tapes.

Your happiness always meant the most to me Rachel. I never cared about anything else as much as your happiness. I would never have sent you to New York if I didn't think it would make you happy.

I should never have broken up with you Finn. You were the one, the only guy for me but my judgement was clouded by my attraction to Brody. I really don't know what I saw in that guy. You are a far better guy than he could ever hope to be.

Why did you do it then Rach? If you knew he was bad for you then why did you crush my heart into a million pieces for him?

The night at the wedding was amazing Finn. Knowing now that it was our last night together makes the memory bittersweet but all the more amazing. It confirmed what I already knew. You were the one. If the events of tape number 12 had never happened then we would have got back together. I know we would.

That night will always be one of my most treasured memories. Knowing it was our last night together makes it sad but all the more special.

I wanted to thank you for beating up Brody for me. It's probably the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me. But that was always you Finn. Like I said before, I don't just love you, I love the way you love me. Don't feel guilty about this Finn because none of this is your fault. All you ever did was make me feel loved. In Senior Year when I was on the verge of giving up, you showed me just how much I had to live for.

If you had so much to live for then why did you kill yourself Rach? You should've have come back. Back to me. I would've given you a reason to live again.

Finn I don't want my death to stop you moving on. We will always have our love and that last night but you can't keep my death from allowing you to live your life. You deserve to have another girl who loves you.

But I will never love another girl as much as I love you Rach. You are my soulmate and you only get one of those in a lifetime. There's never going to be another you Rach. And you were the only girl for me.

I won't lie, it makes me feel a little jealous to know that you may be with another girl after I'm gone Finn. But you have so much love to give. And you should share that with another girl. I know part of you will always love me, just as even after I die I will always love you but you can still share your love with someone else. I just want to ask you one little thing.

I can't imagine being with any other girl right now Rach. But if one day I eventually get over the pain of your death, then I will try to move on. I will never forget you though Rachel. You will always be my star. I'd do anything for you, listening to these tapes is a good example.

If you do one day meet another girl, then tell her my story please. I understand that could be too hard for you Finn, but could you try, for me?

Of course Rachel. If I ever do get over you and date another girl, I will tell her about my amazing star of a girlfriend that was you.

We will be together again one day Finn. When your time comes I'll be waiting for you. I may not have made it as a broadway star but whenever you look up at the night sky and see the star next to the one you gave me for Christmas that is me. The Rachel Berry Star. Every time you see that star you can think of me. My memory can live on. With you. You can carry my memory with you. And that way, I'll be with you wherever you go.

You will always be with me Rach. You are a part of my heart.

Finn honey this is the end of your tape. Don't waste time stressing over my death. Live your life and live it well. Share your love with another girl and make her feel as loved as you made me feel. This is my blessing to move on with your life. Never forget me though. Think about me sometimes- not all the time but just keep me in the back of the mind. So my memory can live on. You are the most special guy I've ever met so you're the perfect person to be the keeper of my memories and the only one I can trust with them.

That's not true Rach. But thank you, I will carry your memories proudly. And I will never be able to forget you. True love never dies. I can't promise I will be able to move on but I will try. For you.

Have lots of beautiful children. The world deserves to be blessed with more of your genes Finn. And marry a wonderful girl who will be so lucky to have you. And follow your dreams. You let me follow mine and so it's time for you to follow yours. Become a teacher- I always thought you'd be great at that. Then you can inspire kids just like you inspired me. I love you Finn Hudson, always remember that.

I'm forever yours. Faithfully.

The next tape is for a teacher of mine. My dance teacher to be precise. Cassandra July this tape is yours.

[]

I can't promise about the marriage and kids stuff. But I will become a teacher. I want to be the next Mr Shue and inspire outcast kids to become stars like Rachel.

"She doesn't blame me?" I ask. "No she doesn't. She loved you. More than anything in the world" Kurt says. I'd been holding it together pretty well up till that point but then I just let it all out and cry onto Kurt's shoulder. "I miss her so much" I say between sobs. "I know, Finn. But she wouldn't want you to be like this. She'd want you to be out there, living your life" he says. "It hadn't really hit me until she started talking about me moving on. I can't move on. She was my world" I say. "You can Finn. It might not seem like it now but you can. Just because you go on living your life doesn't mean you love Rachel any less" Kurt says. "Will you be okay?" he asks. "Yeah, I'll be fine. I just need to get through the rest of these before I completely lose it" I say wiping my eyes. "Where do you want me to take you?" he asks.

"If it's okay, I'd just like to be alone. You've seen me now, you can trust me to listen to the rest of the tapes. I need time with my thoughts" I say. "Okay. If you need anything you call okay" he says. "I will" I say. I get out of the car and start to walk again. I end up outside Rachel's house. And I simply collapse on the front lawn, crying for what could have been, what might have been and what should have been. But mostly I'm crying for Rachel. The girl who should have been my wife. The only girl who will ever truly have my heart.

A/N: This chapter was really hard to write and I hope I did it justice. The next chapter will be Cassandra's. Keep reviewing- like I said it really helps.

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