There they were again, the heat of flames boiling my skin. Sweat dabbed my forehead and trickled down my neck as I crawled through the jungles. The screams were deafening as I got to my feet and saw Private Fletcher with a flamethrower on his back. As the house in front of him burned down, I saw him turn to me with an evil grin on his ash-covered face. He dropped the flame thrower and threw his arms around me, trying to kiss me.
I kicked him off of me, ready for him to attack me. And he did, with a pocket knife hidden in his palm. Pain seared through my leg and my stomach, and warm blood trickled down my leg. Through the pain I drew out my gun, as he pulled out his own. "What's it gonna be, bitch?" He sneered as I watched his finger tighten on the trigger.
I sat up in bed, waking myself from my screams. I couldn't see Domino leave the room and bark at Steve's door. They sounded like gun shots and the whizzing of bombs.
"What do you think, Rosie? Not bad, huh?" I turned to Howard and lowered my goggles; there was a smirk on his face and a scotch in his hands when I turned from the small break in the shelter. I could tell he was struggling with the end of the war, trying to come up with something else to satisfy our new arrogant citizens.
I shook my head, "Not bad at all, Howie." I dropped the goggles on the table and snatched the glass of scotch, downing it in one gulp. "But you'd be better if you laid off the sauce for a day or so." He gave me a look and rolled his eyes. "What does Maria say to this?" I raised my eyebrows at him as he looked away and ran a hand over his face.
"Nothing and you should do the same. It's my life, you know." He sounded defensive as he walked back to the table of crystal glasses and bottles, pouring himself another glass.
"But I know what you're going through." I sighed and shook my head, "At least hold off while Maria's pregnant, do it for your son, Howard." I walked next to him and lowered the glass in his hands. "You don't have to go through this by yourself, dummy." I smiled as he looked at me. "C'mon, let's go take a walk."
"Josie." I snapped out of my trance and saw Steve's face very close to mine. "Are you alright?" I bit my lip and looked at him, feeling tears going down my face. I shook my head as he rested his hands on my shoulders. "What's wrong?" He scooted closer to me, encircling his tree trunk-like arms around me, forcing me to rest my head on his chest. "You haven't woken up like this since I first saw you again."
"It's all my fault." I managed to choke out. "The way that Tony is; I tried so hard to get Howard to stop drinking. I told him to do it for his son. And he tried, he tried all the time." I felt my waves of tears going down my cheeks and onto Steve's white shirt. "But I couldn't get him to stop. And then I made him go on that trip with Maria and-and." I wailed and buried myself deeper in Steve's shirt. "It's my fault he's not here, that he didn't live longer and he didn't see what his son is doing. To see his son a hero. And it's my fault, all of it."
Steve stayed silent as he held me; I could hear his heart beating as we rested in that embrace in what seemed like hours as I balled like a baby who had failed to walk and bopped to the floor on their butt. After a while longer, he whispered, "But that's not all, is it?" I looked up at him. "I heard what happened during the war in Vietnam." I shook my head, pulling away from him.
"I don't want to talk about it, Steve. Please leave it be, I've buried those memories for such a long time, I can't have them bubble up now." He looked so sad as I pushed him away. "I can't let that happen, please." I whimpered, but grasped his hand as he tried to turn around. "Please, please don't go." I whispered, "I'm so scared to be alone right now." Steve pulled his hand out of mine, but turned around.
"What do you see?" He asks as he scooted closer and I could feel Domino curl up on the foot of the bed. "In your dream?"
"The villages on fire." I saw him put an arm around my waist. "The solider that almost killed me." I whispered as I shook in fear, I stared as Steve, shock in his face. "Tony didn't tell you that, did he?"
"No, he didn't. But I'm willing to listen if you want to tell me." I sighed shakily, resting my hand on the one he had on my hip. "You don't have to."
"But you deserve to know." I looked at him, "When I told Tony what had happened, it was after they found him the desert. It was like I was speaking to another prisoner of war." I swallowed, "I was a brigadier general, just promoted, when Vietnam started. Some idiot in Congress got this idea that Communism spread like the flu, so it was meant to be a containment job." I shook my head, "It wasn't any of our business to be in there, Steve. It was a civil war, we had no point to be in there. But people in Washington were so arrogant and full of hot air, they thought that we could conquer anything if we joined." I looked at him, "They drafted thousands of people who didn't want to fight in this war, including me." I sighed, "But I was doing my duty." I huffed and shook my head, "I should have withdrawn right then and there, but I was a little high on power myself." I looked up at Steve, "So I went in, head-on.
"There were some other soldiers that I had met when I was in Korea that were either alongside me or below me, they were people I knew, that I trusted. Then there was Alexander Fletcher." I rolled onto my back to stare at the ceiling, because I knew that I couldn't take the look on Steve's face. "He was some rich kid right out of Harvard, living off of his dad's money and wanted to drink and see floozies than stay in his post." I shook my head again, "He only listened to me, but only to smack my rear end when I walked away. There was nothing I could do because women still couldn't file complaints about it."
"Why didn't you fight back?" Steve moved closer, "I know that you could have whipped him into shape."
"I did, and he punched me right back. We kept fighting until some guys broke us up. He had a broken nose and cheekbone, while I had barely a scratch. The bastard complained to his daddy and I got reprimanded for it because I was still a woman." I saw Steve's face harden as I mentioned that I was still treated like a lower-class citizen because of my gender.
"The next mission we had was near a small native village that had about 30 or 40 men in it who were willing to cooperate with us. They offered us food and places to sleep, they treated us like heroes." I sighed, "But I certainly didn't feel like one, not after that.
"We were attacked two days later when we were still in the village. Once the enemy was taken care of, that's when I saw the smoke. I ran back, thinking that it was a surprise attack or something;" I swallowed, "but it was much worse than that." I turned to Steve, "Are you sure you want me to continue?" I could see how hard it was for me to say these things. "I know that you want to help me, but I don't want to see you break down because of something that you had no control over."
"No, I'm okay." He squeezed my hipbone. "I'm still listening." I nodded and turned back to the ceiling, feeling his gaze almost burn through my skull.
"I got back to the village to see that most of the huts were on fire, but I didn't see any of the enemy. That's when I saw Fletcher with a flamethrower." I could feel tears trickling down my face again. "He set the village on fire, and took wives and daughters for his own pleasure while we took to the front lines.
"He saw me there, just staring in horror. He dropped the flamethrower pack to the ground and walked over to me. He was talking dirty to me, telling me that he was going to make me his army bitch." I choked for a moment, but tried to brave on. "I fought back and he pulled out his pocket knife." I pulled my legs out of the covers and pulled down one side of my pant leg, exposing my left thigh. "He stabbed me here, and" I pulled up my shirt. "there. You can still feel and see the scars," I sighed heavily, "If I hadn't taken that serum, I would have been as good as gone."
"What happened?" I pulled my pajama pants on and rolled down my shirt. "To Fletcher."
"I pulled my gun on him, while he did the same. He would have killed me if one of the sergeants hadn't shown up and got him in the back." I swallowed and turned to Steve, "I tried to get as many of the villagers out, since I was the only one who spoke Vietnamese fluently." I bit my lip, "But there were so many that were lost, here." I tapped my head, "They shut themselves off when Fletcher attacked, some of them never found their way home." Steve took his hand from my hip and wiped a tear away, "After I was sent to the infirmary, I sent my resignation into the army. I was honorably discharged as a major general and two purple hearts, just for Vietnam. I also was given a humanitarian award from the Vietnamese Republic before they fell for my aid to help rebuild the village before my discharge." I swallowed and gave a sad smile to Steve. "And then there are my dreams of when I was working for Howard as his assistant. Those were better times, when I helped design better ways to help soldiers from the sidelines, my opinion was highly valued there. And when Tony was born, Howard asked me to be his nanny." I shook my head, "When I saw Howard's son looking up at me from his mother's arms, I couldn't say no to that face."
Steve smiled at me and pulled some hair out of my face. "Still can't say no to him now?" I laughed as he hugged me.
"It's gotten less difficult." I said as we both chuckled. "Thank you, Steve. You have no idea how much better I feel." I pulled away, and swept some blond hair out of his own face. "But that doesn't mean that you can't talk to me." He sighed, looking toward his feet "Steve?" I tilted my head to meet his eyes. "Don't be afraid to talk to me." I grasped his chin in my hands and tilted him up towards me.
He looked like a lost puppy as he began to speak to me, "I just feel so, lost, so out of place that I can't do anything without feeling like I don't belong." I pulled him closer and he talked.
I looked at the clock and widened my eyes. "Steve." I whispered to the sleeping super soldier in my arms. "Steve, wake up." I tapped him lightly as his eyes fluttered open. "It's almost 9 o'clock. I promised that I would help Tony in the garage for a bit, something for the next addition to his suit."
Steve shook his head and tightened his grip around me, "Oh, come on. Stay here today. You can help me adjust." I giggled as I kissed his forehead, maternal senses pulsing through me.
"I'll be back in half an hour. I promise." I slid out of his arms and pulled the covers around him, "Just go back to sleep. I'll wake you up when I get back." Steve just nodded and I walked to my closet, pulling out a red tank top and loose-fitting jeans. I slid into the bathroom to change, and heard scraping on the door.
"I'll be out in a sec, Dom." I heard him whine and a thud, indicating that he was at the doorway, laying right in front of it. I pulled my hair back into a braid and quickly examined myself before opening the door, gracefully stepping over the chocolate lab. I slid on my work boots and headed toward the elevator, Domino trotting after me as usual.
"Morning, Tony." I called as I entered one of the many secret basements in Stark Tower, I saw him turn and look in shock.
"How'd you know this is where I was?" He looked at me and took off the welding mask that was hovering over his face. "I didn't even tell Pepper."
"I'm old enough to know where you always are, that was my job for a long time." I smiled to him warmly and walked forward. "So you wanted something new on the Mach VIII?" I arched an eyebrow at him, "Are you sure about that, Tony? I don't think we can do anything about being hit by a nuke and hurling to the New York streets."
Tony smirked as I started up the projections of the suit and began to pull it apart in the hologram. "Wow, who knew you were only sweet on me. There's Capsicle too." I turned to him, narrowing my eyes a bit.
"He was my first commanding officer, Tony. It was unheard of someone like me fighting the front lines, but he saw what I wanted to do and gave me a chance." I turned back to the hologram, "He was the first man out of my family that respected me for my mind, not my physical appearance. I'll always respect him and be in his debt, Anthony." I only used his full name when I was trying to make a point or when I was very upset with him. I turned the stabilizer configuration in the hologram, "What's the gauge for these?"
"You're back." I smiled at Steve, pulling oil covered hair out of my face, "What happened?"
"Just a word of advice, Steve: never, ever agree to be a part of Stark's new gadget experiments, ever." I sighed as I ran to the kitchen sink, washing my hands. "The oil tank in one of his modified cars was punctured, and he asked me to check it out. What I didn't know was that it was an oil slick test for next suit design." I walked to my room, shaking my head. "I hate to say that it was a success."
"Anything else you need to tell me?" Steve gave me a knowing look as I smirked at him.
"I'm not the only one covered in fluids from machines." I turned back to my room, "I suggest you hide, Tony hates when someone pranks him back."
"And where are you going, McKenna?" I stopped and turned to Steve.
"I'm covered in car oil, Rogers. I'm going to take a shower and dispose of my soiled apparel." I said matter-of-factly, then walked into my room. "Jarvis, could you play some Elvis Presley for me? Captain Rogers might enjoy it as well."
"Of course, Miss McKenna." I smiled as 'Blue Suede Shoes' played when the shower started. Pulling out a sundress and sandals, I walked into the bathroom and began to remove the black-stained clothing. "Shall I have the clothing disposed of?"
"No, just have Pepper or another assistant take them to a dry cleaner." I stepped into the shower and scrubbed off the black grime soaking into my skin. "That will be all, JARVIS." I closed my eyes and felt my skin begin to glow in the removal of the oil.
Once I was finished, I slid on the dress and sandals, letting my hair curl as it air-dried in the apartment. I walked out to the living room to see Steve gawking at me, "Steve, hon, you're staring." I said as I walked up to him and pulled out a carton of orange juice.
"You look beautiful." I heard him mumble and I looked at him, his face flushed to a light shade of pink. Realizing that I focused on him, knowing that he had vocalized his feelings, his face soon turned red.
I couldn't help but laugh as I handed him a glass of juice before he would start stuttering and try to retract his statement. "Thank you." I smiled as I sat atop the counter. "So what should we start with first? History or technology? I've got first-hand knowledge on both of them." He looked at me confused for a moment. "You're not in the army anymore, Steve, and neither am I. You gave me a compliment and I'm thanking you for it. No harm no foul." I sipped my juice, "Doesn't mean that you can't say I look nice once and a while." He was confused again, "Your complements, Steve. They're very…genuine. Most guys tell me that I look nice to try and take me home."
"Can I ask if you ever…?" Steve was blushing again and I felt my mouth drop.
"Of course not! I may flirt, but I'm no fast dame. I was never even with Dugan." I said, blushing lightly and sipping my juice again as Steve smiled at me. "Word of caution: dame is not a good word to use anymore, or broad for that matter. You think it was disrespectful for soldiers to call me that, it's just the same anywhere else now." I thought for a moment, "Don't use ma'am either. I know you want to be respectful, but people today use it with people who look like our age. But miss is fine."
Steve nodded and sat at the barstool of the island, a little to the left of me. "I think I'd like to start with history." I nodded and jumped off the table.
"Anything in particular you'd like to start with or should we go from the beginning?" I sat next to him on the other stool and heard Domino's paws click against the tiled kitchen floor.
Steve smiled, "Whatever era this is from." He pointed to the ceiling, which was still playing Elvis.
I laughed, "You got it. We'll start with the fifties, which not much different from the forties."
Hey guys, I hope that you enjoyed the chapter. I have to tell you how happy I am to writing again, and to have such an overwhelming response to something I created. I just wanted to let you all know that I appreciate ALL my readers, vocal or not. Lots of love
Holly