Disclaimer: I don't own CM, no matter how much I wish I did.

A/N: I know it has been a while guys and I am sorry. I will try to update my often

Derek awoke to his cell phone ringing again. "Morgan," he managed to bite out without waking Penelope.

"Morgan, it's just JJ, don't bite my head off okay."

"Sorry JJ, hold on okay." Derek wasn't sure how he managed to put Pen on her side of the bed and get up without waking her and head into the living room. "I am so sorry JJ, I was trying not to wake Pen and I wasn't really sure who you were. I was asleep."

"Oh, Derek, I could have called back later but I was sitting here thinking about you and Pen and even though Hotch said you two were okay. I wanted to know that for myself."

"JJ, I am sorry that we put you in the firing line with Kevin, but Penelope was and is my only concern for now."

"Derek, it is okay. I handle reporters all the time, I think I can handle anything that weasel says, but Pen on the other hand, he is the last thing she needs."

"I am beginning to think I am the last thing she needs in her life period."

"Derek Morgan, how can you say that?"
"Because it is true JJ, think about the hurt and pain I have caused her these last two years. She has almost died twice and there was NOTHING I could do."

"Derek, don't let her hear you say that okay, it would break her heart."

"I know JJ, I know. I just feel so helpless when it comes to her, especially now. All I can do is sit here and wait and it is killing me because all I can do is think about her needing me and me not being there."

"How bad was it Derek, Hotch wouldn't tell me."

"It was bad JJ, very bad, I would have called you and Emily, but she didn't want me to, and I can not deny her the right to her privacy. Hell I hate it that Hotch, Rossi, and Strauss had to know. I know she is ashamed and embarrassed but she knows I can't deal with this alone."

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Sure, if I can."

"Will you please tell her that when she is ready, Reid, Emily, and I would like to see her, but only when she is ready Derek. I know this is hard for both of you, and with Kevin on his rampage and Rodney still out there, you two have enough on your plate without the three of us descending on you."

"JJ, I have got to go. I am sorry," he said barely able to contain the emotions tearing at his heart. He headed back to the bedroom and stood in the doorway looking at his still sleeping Goddess and forced himself to turn back around and go into the living room and work on the case files Dave brought him yesterday. After an hour of reading the same file over and over again, Derek decided it was hopeless and decided to take Clooney for a run to the store and back. He called one of the agents sitting outside and told him to take a post inside while he was gone. He knew if Pen found out she would flip but he couldn't just sit here anymore. He made it to the store in record time and poor Clooney was panting as he entered the store and picked out sandwiches for lunch. He ran back a little slower but not much hoping Penelope did not wake in his absence.

As he got closer to the house he realized he was gone just a little too long. He could hear Penelope screaming from the sidewalk outside of his house. Derek dropped Clooney's leash and the bag of sandwiches and ran up the steps, knocking in his front door as he went, Clooney hot on his heels. He made his way to the bedroom with his gun drawn until he saw Agent Smith standing in the corner of the room dumbfounded. Derek put his gun away as he looked down at Penelope thrashing around in his bed screaming his name and still sound asleep. Agent Smith looked at Derek helpless as to what to do.

"Agent Smith, you can leave now. Tell all of the cars but one to go with you. When you get back to the office tell SSA Hotchner that I sent you back and I need a locksmith here ASAP. Make sure he knows Penelope is okay, but that I need Dave here NOW and I want an appointment with Penelope's Doctor this afternoon. Tell him to call me if he has any questions understand?"

"I am sorry Agent Morgan, I heard her scream and I came in here and she was still asleep and I figured it was better if I didn't wake her. I figured she would be even more frightened."

"Agent Smith, you did the right thing now, go do what I told you."

Derek waited until he was sure Agent Smith and the others were gone and he took off his gun and badge and crawled onto the bed. He grabbed Penelope's hand in his and she immediately stilled. It was only then that Derek let out the breath he was holding. "Baby Girl, wake up," he whispered in her ear. He watched as her eyes fluttered open and she came into full awareness where she was. She squeezed his hand tighter. He reached out with his other hand and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Oh, Baby Girl, how can I fix this?"

"You can't fix it Derek," she replied at barely a whisper. "I just need you to be there for me when it gets bad and right now it's bad."

"And I am here, sweetheart, for as long as you need me to be." He said as he laid down next to her and pulled her close. He would tell her about the door later, right now he had to hold her, to comfort her. She fell apart as soon as he wrapped his arms around her and he just let her cry because that was all he could do too.

Dave picked up the sandwich bag and walked through the door. When Agent Smith arrived at the BAU and Hotch called him into his office Dave had an idea what he would find, but looking at the door, he knew Morgan would need more than a locksmith to fix the damage he had done to his door. He was greeted by Clooney wagging his tail and complete silence. He knew where they were so he made his way down the hall to Derek's bedroom and opened the door. Derek was laying there with Garcia in his arms. Dave knew Derek would never admit it, but he was crying as hard as Penelope. All Dave could do was shut the door and go back in the living room and call Hotch.

"Hotch, listen I think we need more than a locksmith here. Derek practically tore the door off the hinges."

"Are they okay Dave?"

"It has finally hit them Hotch."

"I was afraid of that, listen why don't you send Morgan here while the locksmith and carpenter work on the door. We can meet with Garcia's doctor and he can take a breather."

"Aaron, I can't tell him that right now."

"Why not Dave?"

"Because when I said it has finally hit them I mean it has hit them both and hard, and I am not going back in that bedroom while tears are streaming down both their cheeks and tell them that Morgan has to leave, that would be too cruel."

"Oh God."

"I know and you are not here to see it. Imagine how I felt."

"Well, have Morgan call me when he comes out okay."

"Yes, sir."

"Don't be a smartass Dave, I can fire you, you know."

"I know but you won't."

"No, but I could, you just remember that."

Dave hung up the phone and sat at Morgan's desk and waited. After about half an hour, Derek emerged from the bedroom.

"Rossi, how long have you been here?"

"About an hour."

"Why didn't you say anything"

"Because I saw you were busy with something much more important."

"Dave I don't know what to do, she is hurting and I can't fix it. I want to kill Rodney and Lynch, but I am as much to blame as they are."

"No you're not Morgan. Sit down a minute, take a deep breath, and listen." Rossi waited for him to comply before continuing. "Derek, she will struggle for a long time with this but she doesn't blame you and you shouldn't blame yourself, because it will only make it more difficult for her. She carries around the guilt of Battle and Rodney and what this is doing to you. So fall apart if you must and by all means hold on to her as tight as you can, but you have the guilt and the anger or she never will either."

"How do I do that Dave, how do I not feel guilty and angry, the only reason she went out with Battle is because I was an insensitive jackass, who made her feel like she wasn't pretty enough, she stayed with Kevin because I made her feel she wasn't good enough. Well I know I am the one not good enough. Rossi, she is my best friend and I couldn't see what was right there in front of my eyes. Some profiler I am."

"Morgan, she didn't want you to see; she was and is happy just being your best friend and the one person in the world she flirts with, because being her best friend makes you the safe option, but it also makes you the one person who can hurt her the most."

"I know Rossi, and I have really down a bang up job this time."

"Well, the Boss Man is waiting for you to come in and talk to him, Strauss , and Garcia's doctor."

"Damn, I promised Pen a shower and looks like I am gonna be gone for a while. Are you sure you can handle her for that long?"

"I will do my best if she needs you I will call I promise."

"Make sure she gets a pain pill when she gets up."

"I will, and can I give you some more advice don't let Strauss walk over you."

"I don't plan on it."

Derek left the house and spent the half an hour it took him to get the BAU going over his conversation with Dave. How did he let go of the guilt, anger, and pain that was plaguing him. He wasn't sure, but Dave was right, Pen would never be able to let go if he didn't. Derek let out a sigh as he walked into the building. He felt the eyes of the entire bullpen were on him as he headed for Hotch's office.