. Eleven: Sweet Salvation.:.
The scream Link mustered could have been heard throughout all of Hyrule, and it most probably was. The glowing red ball was practically facing Link, or so the young hero assumed. Sadly for him, he could already feel waves of evil radiating off the fairy, or at least, what Link hoped to be a fairy. Finally, it moved up to his face, neared it, and…
"AAAAHHHH!!! WHAT ARE YO—OW!! WHAT WAS THAT FO—DEAR GODDESSES! PLEASE HEAR MY PRAYERS! I REPENT FROM ALL MY SIN---IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE? WHYYYY?" screamed our poor, defenseless hero.
After about ten more minutes of such screaming, the ball of red flames moved away from Link's face, leaving nothing but a gory, blood-covered mound of flesh in its wake. After about five minutes, the glowing red ball of a seemingly evil doom returned to its original shade of blue.
The Gerudo women had long since backed off, not wanting to upset the fairy in any way, having had already witnessed Link's punishment for whatever it was he had done. One of them, however, neared the injured hero and, without a moment of hesitation, quickly cut the ropes that kept poor Link in place. Quickly enough, he fell to the ground with a rather profound "Umph" and picked himself up slowly.
Rising in nothing but his tights and the last strands of whatever dignity he possessed, Link nearly burst into tears. How did he even manage to get into this situation? The logic seemed impossible to understand. "Uhh… well, in any case, ladies, I'm gonna go and… you know, head off and probably save Zelda or something. Yeah… see ya!"
Quickly and efficiently (or in absolute cowardice– one just couldn't be sure), Link dressed in his red tunic, picked up the Master Sword from the ground (where the Gerudo women probably threw it in their haste to strip Link) and sped off faster than any creature in Hyrule could have at that very moment.
Navi, having watched Link run off in terror, leisurely flew behind him, knowing he was going to end up in Hyrule Castle– or more specifically, Zelda's room– soon enough. Looking back before she left, the fairy shouted, "Well, good luck getting a guy! You guys never had a chance with Link, anyway. He's been after Zelda since they were twelve. Tough, huh?"
±With Zelda±
For the first time in what seemed like ages, Zelda slept a peaceful slumber.
Or at least, she did up until Link barged into her room screaming as though he were being burnt to a crisp.
Blatantly startled, Zelda woke from her sleep, speedily rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and giving a rather long yawn. "Link… what are you doing here screaming?"
Arriving at her feet, at the end of her bed, Link grabbed the princess' ankles, clinging to them tightly. "Zelda, what have I done to deserve such harassment from those Gerudo women? Nothing! Nothing I tell you! And yet look! My green tunic– my favorite tunic – was stolen by those desert women, along with my boots!" After saying this, he wiggled his toes responsively, as though signifying their lack of some kind of shoe. "Please, my beloved Zelda, HELP ME!"
Zelda stared dumbfounded, not really sure of what she should tell the legendary 'Hero of Time', even though said-hero was profusely idiotic. Rubbing her temples in aggravation, Zelda sighed exasperatedly, wondering what, exactly, was she going to do with Link. "Listen, I don't really have time to deal with your problems right now, seeing as I already have a few of my own. I don't know what happened with you and the Gerudo women, but I, quite honestly, don't give a damn. So do me a favor and make yourself disappear as I deal with my dilemmas. Afterwards, I'll come back to you, all right?" And with that, she plopped right back down in her bed, trying her very best to go back to her restful slumber.
Mulling over her words, Link just sat there, staring at the princess. Watching her fidget slightly in her sleep, it finally clicked with him how tired she must have been… but why? Did it have something to do with that problem she mentioned? 'I wonder what it is…'
After a little while, her breathing grew even, and he realized she had slipped into peaceful sleep. Rising to his feet, he quickly moved to turn around, when he suddenly got an eerie feeling that he was being watched.
Navi was behind him and ran abruptly into his back when he stopped. "Uh, Link? GET A MOVE ON! The longer I have to stay in this room, the more disgusting I feel. Now let's GO!" She pushed against him with all her might, but he didn't budge. She growled. "Link… I swear to all the goddesses that if you don't move–"
"Hey, Navi, are you getting the weird feeling that something's watching us?"
"GAH! NO, Link, I'm not. Now can you MOVE?" she cried, obviously annoyed. Whacking him once across the head as she flew around him, Navi huffed. "See if I stick around!"
"No, wait, NAVI!" he lunged forward and grabbed her by the wings. "Don't go! It'll… it'll eat me!"
Turning a disgusted stare to the supposed "Hero of Time", Navi spoke. "Link, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, Navi, what?"
"You're an idiot. Now let's go." She began to move again. He stopped her.
"Navi?"
"Yeah?"
"That wasn't a question!"
There was a pause during which Navi sighed with an indescribable amount of frustration. Then, finally, she gasped in mock shock and made a squealing sound. "Wow, Link! You actually NOTICED! Congratulations! I'm SO proud of you!"
Silence.
"Are you being sarcastic?"
"GRAH! Link, that's NOT the point! Just MOVE, will you? I'm SICK and TIRED of being in this stupid place!" Navi pointed out, her bluish glow turning into an acid green color.
To Navi's immense gratification, Link began to move. As he was about to open the door to leave, he turned and, upon seeing a pair of evil-looking pair of bright orange eyes, he screamed.
"AAAAHHHH––"
–SLAP– Navi didn't even give the warning. "Will you just SHUT UP? Goddesses, you're such a wimp! How you beat Ganon is beyond me…" she muttered, sincerely wondering whether or not Link had a twin brother or something.
An evil cackle quickly shut Navi up, however, and she looked around her, wondering where it came from.
"Bwuahahaha! You fools! You cannot defeat me now! I have already entered the seemingly peaceful mind of your precious Zelda, and soon, I will devour her soul and make it my own!" The source of the voice came out of the shadows, revealing an ordinary looking Poe cackling gratingly into the darkness.
Navi gaped. Link made a small whimpering sound. For that, he was promptly smacked.
"What? Don't you two fear me? I have terribly villainous powers the likes of which neither of you can possibly comprehend! And soon, you will witness my awesome strength!" he maintained, eyes dancing with wicked glee.
Navi sputtered. "Wha– excuse me?! There is nothing – and I mean nothing – that I can't comprehend, you nasty, undead, good-for-nothing oaf!" Her voice was shrill, and Zelda stirred slightly in her sleep.
"Oh, ho ho!" the Poe responded, the smallest chuckle escaping him. "Did I strike a nerve? And what's the little fairy going to do? Sprinkle me with magical fairy dust?" he scoffed, leaving no doubt in Navi's mind that he was just begging for an ass whooping.
Navi remained silent, but her glow darkened in color, her emotions conveying themselves very clearly to Link. He gulped, hoping that Navi knew who her friends were, in this case, him…
"Uhh.. you know, maybe it's not my place to say this, but Poe," Link hedged, a concerned crease marring his brow as a light sweat broke over him, "you probably shouldn't have said that."
The Poe sneered, the shocking orange slits that were his eyes narrowing the slightest bit. "Are you implying that I should fear her? That nothing of a fairy? She can't even restore my health! She's completely and utterly useless!"
That did it.
The looming red ball that was Navi edged slowly towards the Poe, providing him enough time to escape, if he so wished. Too distracted to notice the impending ball of doom nearing him, however, the Poe continued cackling, oblivious to his more-than-imminent demise.
"I will cut you, you lousy, pussy-faced son of a haprie!"
The Poe stopped cackling, finally realizing the hellish fairy that was fast-approaching. "Wh-what?"
Rather than give him an answer, Navi went on to her 'punishment' (that is, of course, undermining that which was actually taking place), prompting a loud string of seemingly pained expletives from the Poe. She was done within moments, returning to her serene state of blue without a trace of malice to be found.
Sputtering and coughing as he attempted to speak, the Poe lifted his scrawny hand, tears coursing down his glowing orange eyes. "I'm… so sorry… I… will never… do it again…" With that, he collapsed.
Navi sighed. "Alllll righty then, Link! What do you say to tying up this Poe and dumping him out by the Gerudo's hangout?"
Link, terrified of three-inch fairy floating before him, would have probably said yes to just about anything she requested at that moment, his own face still stinging from the beating she gave him at the Gerudo's camp. To show his agreement, he gave a curt nod, beads of sweat rolling down his petrified face.
The fairy smiled and, without a moment's hesitation, began leading the way out. Link sighed in return, making quick work of tying up the Poe while he still remained in his physical form and dragged him, stealing one last glance at Zelda before he left. The vision of her peaceful slumber turned the corners of his lips in a smile, and he shook his head, understanding nothing about their relationship but thankful for it all the same. 'Sleep well, my princess…'
±The Next Morning±
"And you'll never do it again, correct?"
The Poe shook his head, giving his grudging consent as he covered a still slightly bleeding wound on his face.
Link smiled, resting both of his hands on his hips. "Well, it's settled then! You stay out here and do what you will to the Gerudo girls so long as you don't steal their souls–" At this, the Poe sighed. "–and you'll never bother Hyrule Castle ever again, so long as you live. Do you swear it?"
.
Once again, the Poe nodded with a mumbled, "I swear it."
"Excellent! Because if you were to do so, I'd have to hunt you down and kill you myself! Hahahaha!" Navi rolled her eyes at Link's feigned heroism, knowing the truth behind the matter. 'Freaking pussy…'
"Then all is agreed. Now I'll be off to Hyrule Castle to tend to my beloved Zelda, striving once again to obtain her elusive affections! Adiosas, señor Poe!" With that, he called Epona on the ocarina (who, like always, appeared out of thin air without a spec of logic to explain the phenomena), and rode off, Navi in tow.
The Poe sighed, looking around at the wasteland surrounding him. After deciding the land was less than exceptional, he shooked his head, closing his eyes as he tilted his head back. 'Fuck my life…'
±In Hyrule Castle±
Zelda arose with a happy yawn, stretching her arms out as she reveled in the warm sunlight streaming into her room. She looked outside, cherishing the feeling of her body being well-rested for the first time in a long time. 'It's so peaceful…'
"ZELDA! MY BELOVED ZELDA! I SAVED YOU"
She sighed. 'Yeah, I figured that wouldn't last…' She looked to the handsome man beside her, amazed for the umpteenth time at how simple he sometimes was. "What now, Link?"
He stopped to catch his breath, the combination of running up something like ten flights of stairs coupled with the run from the gate to the castle itself getting the better of him. When finally he was able to speak, he did so, much to Zelda's dismay. "As I said, I saved you, Zelda!"
An indelicate snort escaped the fairy beside him. 'Yeah right!'
Zelda arched one eyebrow at him, her quizzical sapphire eyes piercing right through him, leaving him breathless all over again. "Oh really? From what?"
Quickly regainig his composure, Link cleared his throat, a faint blush tinging his cheeks pink. "U-uh… that is, from a Poe! Yeah, a Poe that was acting like a total creeper in your room! He was controlling your dreams or something so he could suck your soul out."
Silence met his ears.
"O-of course, that was what he said last night. I mean, his whole story sounded pretty sketch to me, but well…I just– I…"
And suddenly, the most outrageous, ludicrous, exciting thought occurred to Zelda– something she quite possible would have abhorred some days prior but seemed all the more appealing to her then. She wanted to kiss Link.
"Okay, Link, okay. I believe you, don't worry," she commented, bringing all eyes on her, including those of a stunned-speechless, gaping fairy.
"You what?" Link cried, unmasked joy filling his blue eyes.
Zelda smiled. "I said I believe you. The problem I mentioned last night was one in which I hadn't been able to sleep due to extremely troubling nightmares that had been plaguing me for some time… so, thank you– and I mean it."
Link was glued to the ground, unable to process coherent thought.
"Now, I know this sounds crazy, buuuut… I realized something over the course of the time I had these nightmares." She looked at him steadily, making certain he knew she was being honest. "I realized that I care about you, Link, despite your frequent idiocies and lack of intelligent thought. So how's about we get married and call it a day?"
"Wait… what?"
Her answer was a kiss, the sealing of her lips upon his– a feeling so complete and real that he couldn't help but respond. He wrapped his arms around her, unbelieving of what was happening but loving it all the same. He didn't want to think (not that he did that anyway, but whatever…) about what was happening– instead, he just took it like it was, and if it was a dream, then damn was it good.
Navi watched in horror, her aura turning a sickly, pale yellow as she made gagging sounds in response. "I think… I think I'm going to throw up."
Zelda and Link finally parted, a rosy pink blush staining both of their faces. The princess was the first to speak.
"Well… that was…"
"Invigorating?"
"No."
"Indescribable?"
"No, it's very much describable. I just can't seem to find the right wo– ah! Inexperienced!"
Link looked aghast, feeling himself cracking to bits. "But... but…"
Zelda giggled in response, a happy sigh escaping her. "It's okay, Link. I'm still going to marry you, so don't worry. I'm probably off my rocker and everything, and I probably need some heavy dosage of medication to get me out of this, but–"
A worried look encompassed Link's features, and he grabbed her hand, dragging her out of her room. "Noooo, ma'm! You most definitely DO NOT need medication, and we are getting married now before you decide to go get some! You hear me? No meds!"
"We're goiing to get married now?"
"Yes!"
Zelda smiled, shaking her head as she realized how dull life would be without her floundering hero to accompany it. 'I wonder when he'll realize our church is under construction…'
And with that thought, they were gone.
Fin!
Author's Note: …Uh… so umm.. yeah. About my being gone for like, four years or something like that.. I uhh… yeah. I'm not sure what to say. Sorry for the crappy story though, guys! I started this before I knew how to write, but it's hard to write this now because the styles are just so different, sooo that's that. I will write another Zelda fanfiction one day (a much better one with, you know, a plot and everything), but for right now, I've got to go work on my InuYasha fanfiction (which, might I add, is notably better!) so yeah. I apologize again, and for those who read this, I'm really, really sorry!
Peace out.
.91.:.