The staff of the med-bay took Lilac's care into their hands, and Kylo watched them with a heated glare. There were several things he wanted to say.
Why was no one watching her?
Why did they leave a damned scalpel on the counter?
Why did it take them so long to get in the room?
Why did no one check on her?
If she didn't live through her suicide attempt, he would kill them all.
Kylo knew it was an empty promise. His temper was rising, but they were the only med-staff on the ship. He wasn't that foolish. Still, he felt the need to kill someone.
"How is she?" Kylo asked after they had examined her wrists for the tenth time.
"The blood clotted early on, and the transfusion was successful. Your actions saved her life. But she did lose a lot of blood before you found her so we're not out of the woods yet. We will have someone here to observe her and, of course, we will make certain that she cannot make an attempt on her own life again."
"See to it. I will stay here for now. Make sure to replace the sheets, her clothes." Kylo ran his fingers through his hair, still glaring at the doctor. "Do what you have to do to make her comfortable and to keep her alive. She is as much your responsibility as she is mine, now."
"We understand, sir."
"For your sake, I hope so."
Kylo paced the room, waiting for Lilac to wake up. She was so badly hurt both because of what she'd done to herself and what had been done to her. The doctor said it could take hours for her to wake up. Until then they gave her a blood transfusion, small doses of corrective medicine, and checked her bandages every hour.
Kylo knew that they were paying such close attention to her because of his threatening presence. Whatever their motivation, he was glad they were finally doing their job.
She stirred in her sleep, and Kylo took up a chair at the left of her med-bay bed. "Lilac?"
She sighed. It was a soft noise that matched her peaceful sleeping face. She had such a hard expression normally, and it was different to have her so calm.
"Lilac..." Kylo pressed his fingertips to his temple. Even with all the bandages, he could see the beautiful slave she had been beaten into. Years of 'lessons' had made her attractive to a certain kind of person, and she carried it around even as an injured woman in a hospital bed.
Her slim form, malnourished and fragile, stirred. Lilac's eyes opened slightly, and her head turned towards him. She looked as though she wasn't entirely conscious, her gaze wandering around the room lazily. She made a noise low in her throat.
"You're safe. For now." He added, reminding himself that she was at the mercy of the First Order. She was his guest, but as far as Snoke was concerned she was still a slave. She didn't belong with the First Order.
"Gam?" She stuttered, flinching. She was still in immense pain, and it showed on her face as she slowly woke up.
"Dead. I swear it." Kylo took her right hand in his left, telling himself it was for her comfort.
"Did he suffer?"
"No." He answered. Her fingers were cold. She tried to squeeze his hand, but she was too weak.
"Damn." Her lips curved up in a tight smile.
Kylo reached over with the hand not holding hers. He touched her forehead and found her skin burning. "I should get a doctor."
"Not yet." Lilac tilted her head back to stare up at the ceiling.
Kylo sat still for several moments, watching as her chest rose and fell with her shaking breaths. Kylo had seen the blood running down the edges of her hair, and then he'd seen the wicked wound under the bandages, and he struggled not to find it impressive how she was still alive at all. She was a surviver. She was strong. He'd thought she was fragile and naive, and perhaps she was naive, but her strength was in her body's will to live.
Even if her mind told her to let go and die, her body refused to give in. It must have been a curse to her. A cruel irony. Kylo could almost laugh about it, but one look at her had his heart aching for her.
He was still human, afterall. Even if he had caused similar injuries to others in the past, she was a different case.
Kylo tightened his hand around hers. "How do you feel?"
"Ugly. Broken. Scarred." She laughed shortly, which brought about a painful coughing fit. Kylo sat her up and rubbed her back. She continued, "I feel worthless."
"You are not worthless. I value you." He told her plainly, keeping any emotion from his voice.
Lilac hugged her knees. "I don't have anything I can give you. Except... Well, you won't want that now."
"I never did."
Lilac's head rose. She stared at him with a pained expression. "Is that so?"
Kylo cursed. "I don't mean it like that. You're more than an attractive woman. I have no time for attractive women. You could be a strong apprentice." He stated quickly, though it wasn't entirely true. He had thought about her, and wanted her body pressed closely to his own. He'd wanted her sweat-slicked and panting, begging for him to do something, anything-
He was a man, afterall.
Kylo sized her up and down. Could she be a strong apprentice? He hadn't thought about that. He'd been trying to find something in her since she fell into his arms outside Club Coast. She was not force sensitive. He found that fact unfortunate, but knew that a person could still be powerful without the force.
If he really saw strength in her, he would take her on as an apprentice regardless of her relationship with the force. She was also used to doing whatever she was told, and that would become very useful.
Kylo let a smile form on his face, "I'll find something useful for you to do. Gardening, perhaps?"
Lilac touched her treated wrists. "I don't know if I'm any good at that."
"Did you do anything else? Anything other than serve crab and martinis?"
Lilac shifted on the bed. Kylo was looking at her, but not in the way she was used to being looked at. It wasn't pity, or lust. He was being sincerely curious and helpful. He asked about her life beyond being a slave, and that in itself was a shock.
There was also a lilt of humour in his voice; he was treating her as an equal, or so she though. She couldn't remember experiencing it before, even with less experienced slave girls.
Oh, she pitied herself.
Kylo wanted to know what she was good at, but she couldn't think of a single thing she knew how to do, or wanted to learn. All she knew was how to be seen and not heard. She was made to be pretty. She was trained to be compliant.
"You have to know... I barely remember a time before I was a slave. I know there was one. I think I was happy. But my home... my family..." She stopped speaking, ignoring her desire to finally tell someone about the forest. She always expected to be told to move on, to leave the memory of flame and death behind her. Everyone experienced loss and fear. Why would hers be so interesting?
"What do you remember?" Kylo leaned in. His black hair fell in front of his face.
"A fire." Lilac choked out. She told herself not to cry. She was safe. He promised her that she was safe, and she wanted desperately to believe him.
"Your home was on fire?" HIs eyebrows knit together as he focused on understanding her words.
"Everything. The planet." For all Lilac knew it wasn't an exaggeration. To her childish eyes it seemed the entire galaxy was in flame.
"You lost it all." Kylo predicted.
"Yes. And I was found. Then I was sold." Lilac looked at her hands, and saw blood that wasn't really there. It didn't shock her. The fur matted to her bandages didn't shock her. The small fox across the room, beckoning her closer with sharp whimpers didn't shock her. She'd had visions of the animal before.
In her dreams, the fox led her into a cave filled with the faceless corpses of two people she knew had died. At the end of the catacombs there was a pool of black, sticky blood that tried to drown her. Beyond that, purple liquid oozed into the cave, feeding the pool and breaking into smoke above.
The moment she would start to remember where she was, flame would burn at her eyes until she was blind and there was nothing left but screams. She didn't know who was screaming; she only knew that her own screams joined them.
Kylo cupped her chin, drawing her eyes to look at him. The images faded.
"Lilac? What's wrong?" He was confused, but his eyes were angry.
Lilac rocked her body, trying with all her might to focus on him. "I apologize." It was an automatic answer that made her lips smile mechanically.
"Don't apologize to me. Tell me what you were seeing." He pulled her face closer, halting her erratic movement.
"A fox. Dying. Leading me somewhere."
She'd never told anyone about the visions. No one asked. She felt insane for seeing foxes and fires. What would Gam have done if he knew that the dance floor filled with black blood on a regular basis?
"Is that what you remember?"
"Yes." She groaned, the single word taking all her breath.
Something seemed to click into place in Kylo's mind. His voice was decisive when he said, "You will require therapy. I'll make sure the doctor knows. And physical rehabilitation after the way Gam kept you." He spat the name as though it was a horrid curse. "Get ready, Lilac. You are going to be a changed woman after I am through with you. You won't remember the slave-girl at all."
Lilac listened to the echo of his words around the stark white room. He kept his eyes trained on her, and she couldn't bring herself to look away after his declaration.
Did she want to be someone else? A new woman? She did want to forget what had been done to her, and what she'd done, but those things also influenced a large part of who she wanted to become. If Kylo thought it was best she would follow his orders.
After all, she didn't know how to be free. She was a slave, and she didn't know anything different.