XI. THE REBIRTH OF BEN SOLO

1. Self-Realisation, Part 2

There's a happiness, a joy
in one soul, that's been
buried alive in everyone
and forgotten.

JACK HIRSCHMAN – The Happiness

He knew what he had to do, there was not a shadow of a doubt in him about it. This unprecedented certainty (usually, he was a laggard, forever unable to fully make up his mind) made him wonder though. It was exactly what his parents would have done. Of course they would. So he had spent half of his life trying to steer clear of his parents, their opinions and influence – and to finally go full circle and end up exactly where he had started?

But it wasn't quite like that, was it? As a child, one absorbed opinions and ideas and accepted them as truth, because one didn't know any other. Maybe it was necessary to discard each and every single one of them and come to one's own conclusions instead? And if those self-reached conclusions matched what one had learnt a lifetime ago, so be it! But it were no longer learnt dogmas, but the results of one's own experience and reflection.

Maybe that was the process of shedding one's childhood – coming to own's own conclusions. He had learnt his mother's convictions, his father's philosophy, his uncle's teachings, had dabbled with the Knights of Ren's nihilism and lapped up Snoke's deceptions. And after all of this, after all he had learnt, he had indeed become the monster that he had felt inside of him as a child. – 'You are not a monster' he heard Rey's voice in his head, not as a vision but a memory. Oh, what did she know!

But she did know, didn't she? And she was under no illusions in this regard; she had seen him for what he was right from the start, and only amended her judgment after getting to know him better. She believed he could be a good person, and finally he thought he saw a way to be exactly that. He knew that he had incurred more guilt than he could ever make up for. But he could put some matters right at least.

For the first time, he thought he could recognise that darkness inside of him for what it was – mere feelings and proclivities without inherent moral value. This separated them from actions, which had an intrinsic moral value at all times; there was scarcely anything one could do (or not do, as the case may be) that wasn't in itself ethical. But the feelings in themselves were not at fault there, and it was useless, dangerous even to deny them. In the first half of his life, he had tried to shut out fear and anger, in the second half love and compassion. Neither had worked; he had felt forever torn, and no matter which way he had gone down, he had known already he wouldn't be able to carry it off and dithered like a fathier between two haystacks.

Feelings were an undeniable fact of humanity (and most other sentient races), those making one happy as well as those that caused anxiety. Case in point: even Rey – sunny, kind, optimistic Rey –, whom he regarded to be his polar opposite in almost anything, had the full complement; while she was a creature of light, she, too, knew hate, rage, revenge, doubt and dread. He recalled the memory she had shared with him of her fight with Luke, in particular that moment when she had almost struck him down – but hadn't. Or her desire to avenge the death of Han Solo that night on Starkiller Base. Being her, she wasn't bothered by any of them but simply accepted them without classing them as either good or bad.

And thinking of Rey – he had to talk to her as soon as possible and warn her, who could say what Hux was going to do no matter what his actual orders were. You had to hand it to the man – he, too, acted on what he thought to be right, and wasn't afraid of facing the consequences. But he couldn't do so in his office; impossible to say who was going to walk in, so he got up in order to head to his own rooms.

He walked past a large pane of glass separating his office from the work floor beyond, and as he spotted his own reflection, saw his mother's eyes in his father's face, he recognised Ben Solo.

x X x

2.

'What took you so long!' she greeted him, her eyes almost as wide as her smile.

'This is the first minute I have to myself actually –'

'I've missed you!'

'I've missed you, too,' he answered, inundated with joyousness, which was enhanced still by sensing the same feeling in her.

She looked him up and down with a grin. 'New clothes?'

'The last set can be used as a cast for my own monument. I had to use my lightsabre to get out of them.'

'Gosh, I know! These suit you though.'

'I don't feel comfortable in a uniform.'

'Yeah, I guess – but stick with the colour.'

He regarded her and noticed that she was wearing the same clothes she had when coming to the Supremacy, they were darker and more – flowing? (he didn't have the right kind of vocabulary for this) than her usual attire. Under any different circumstances, he would have liked to compliment her on them, and carry on in that light tone – but as things stood, his heart was sinking with the prospect that he had to destroy her happy mood.

Picking up on this, her face turned serious, too. 'What is it?'

'You've felt it, too, I know – the rift in the Force,' he said lowly, forcing himself to tell her the whole story despite her increasingly shocked expression, of Fatthree, of whoever Lieutenant Connix might have been, about the Ionator and its terrible power, urging her once again to stick to the Millennium Falcon no matter what, and if she had any influence on, any contact to any other surviving members of the Resistance, inculcate them to stay away from any inhabited planets, too.

'But that's – how are we supposed to take on provisions? Or fuel? Or oxygen!'

'Rey, I need more time. Just a bit more time.'

'For what?'

'Time to make it right, of course.'

'But –'

'Please! Trust me, will you?' Fixing her with his gaze, he reached out and took her hands, pressing them tightly between his, then putting them onto his chest. 'Have faith in me, Rey, please.'

Wide-eyed, she nodded her head the slightest fraction.

x X x

3. Torn

She stood transfixed like that long after he had gone, torn between utter and complete elation, and bottomless horror. She had seen the mind and the heart of Ben Solo which made her whole being tingle with joy. She had also seen his future as he was lying dead in a pool of dark-red blood.

x X x

4.

We make choices. No one else can live our lives for us. And we must confront and accept the consequences of our actions.

DREAM – Sandman

There was nobody on board of the Supremacy who could remember to have ever seen the Supreme Leader truly smile. An occasional scornful smirk, perhaps, or that kind of smile that made one's blood freeze. Could they have seen him now, they might not have recognised him, because he was smiling as if he were the happiest man in all the galaxies.

In many ways, he was. For the first time in years and years, his whole life perhaps, he knew with clarity what he had to do, and even though he was aware of the consequences – he had seen them reflected in Rey's mind as much as in her eyes – he found he was quite willing to face them. What had his mother said? Freedom and justice were worth dying for? She had been right. But then, she had been right about many things, even about him.

He had failed her trust in her son. He was not going to fail Rey's, the first – the best – the only real friend he'd ever had. For some reason, she had seen something in him that he had believed not only lost but dead, she had believed in it, had believed in him, in Ben Solo; he had let her down, but she had not stopped believing and he would prove himself worthy of her trust. He had lived a wasted life, but he would die as the man that he was born to be.

x X x

5.

Rey was beyond despair. She had lost her parents. She had lost Han Solo, she had lost Leia, she had lost Luke Skywalker, each of these losses had mirrored that first one in its pain. This, however, was far, far worse. This felt not like losing one's family once over, this felt like losing herself.

'Please, Ben, come away with me!' she beseeched him as soon as she had collected herself enough to make the connection. 'Maybe I was mistaken, maybe we can outrun it. I beg you, come with me!'

He was at a loss how to answer as her eyes implored him even more than her actual words. 'I can't,' he managed at last. 'You know I can't.'

She started to shake her head frantically, as much to check the rising tears as to shake off the horrible memory of a future that contained him lying dead in his own blood. He caught her face between his hands. 'Rey! Please, Rey, don't – you mustn't –'

The feeling of calm certainty that ran through him spread to her and calmed her a little. She leant against his hands, imbibing that tranquillity, and whispered, 'You are Ben Solo.'

'Yes. Yes, I am.' He gave her a smile. 'Aren't you a little smug that you were right after all?'

'I didn't want to be right like this.'

"I know. But you see, I am my parents' son. My mother never ran away from anything, and my father always wanted to, then turned around in the last minute. I cannot run away, as much as I'd want to.'

'But you'll die!'

'Maybe. But it's the least I can do to atone for what I have done.'

'There's no maybe about it! I – I saw it! I saw you dead!'

'Ah, but then these things are never quite certain, are they?'

'You promised! You promised me we'd always have this!'

'I'll come back to haunt you.' He winked at her. 'I'll make an excellent ghost, I'm sure.'

'Ben, please –'

'Remember that row we had? How you said you could not stop fighting for what you knew to be right, even at the risk of being killed, and that you were a hundred percent sure? And how you thought I'd do the same, even if I was only ninety? You were right. And I'm one hundred percent sure now.'

x X x

6.

Chief engineer Nute Garr had been slightly disturbed by his first encounter with the Supreme Leader. He vaguely sensed that the Supreme Leader was not entirely happy with the Ionator, but Garr – who had spent the last ten years devoting his heart and soul to this project, had been inconsolable when the Starkiller Base developers had beaten him and his team to the completion of the ultimate weapon – couldn't really see why. Sure, there were still some kinks to eliminate, but there always were. The entire advancement of technology depended on the principle of solving problems one's predecessors hadn't been able to master.

So when he was called back to see the man, Garr simply assumed – not entirely wrongly – that the Supreme Leader merely wanted a better understanding of what they had accomplished in order to fully appreciate this marvel. He was more than happy to let him pick his brains, even when it turned out that he wanted to do that literally.

It was a very strange feeling to have somebody else rummaging through one's brain, Garr found, while being quite flattered at the same time. He wasn't accustomed to people outside of his area of expertise to take much interest. In fact, he was the sort of person that people invariably fled from when he talked to them at parties.

After what seemed like hours, the Supreme Leader withdrew with a frustrated expression. Now that was something Garr recognised. He'd seen it before often enough.

"Just tell me," the man said tiredly with a strange movement of his hand, "how can it be destroyed?"

"It can't be."

"It's a sophisticated piece of technology; usually it takes a mere grain of sand to upset one of those. Tell me!"

"It can't be destroyed, Supreme Leader. It can only destroy itself, so to speak."

"Well, that's a start. Go on."

The engineer was pleased as punch. "You see – any actual attempt to attack it would trigger not only its own destruction, but everything within a range of – approximately – fifty million miles, give or take, including the attacker, Supreme Leader. It's part of its security system."

The Supreme Leader goggled at him. "Security system," he echoed weakly.

"Yes, you see –"

"No! No. Just show me what exactly it would take to blow the whole thing up for good."

x X x

7.

We do what we do because of who we are. If we did otherwise, we would not be ourselves.

DREAM – Sandman

"He is Ben Solo," Rose heard Rey murmur when she found her an hour later, slumped on the floor of her storeroom once more.

"I'm sorry?"

"He is Ben Solo."

Yes, that was what Rose had heard, but it didn't make any more sense only because it was repeated. As a matter of fact, she had come down here to ask the other woman's opinion on an idea she had had how to fix the hyperdrive, but seeing her friend looking as shell-shocked as she did, she instantly forgot all about that and knelt down beside her.

"Are you okay?" she asked gently, ready to pretend she didn't see the tears if Rey'd rather not talk about it.

Rey turned her head and squinted at her as if she noticed her only now. "No. No, I'm not okay. I – I've seen his heart, Rose, and it's – beautiful…"

Rose was deeply embarrassed, but in for a screwdriver, in for an impact drill! "Yes…?"

"I've seen his future, too. He – he'll –" Her voice cracked.

Rose quickly calculated. After the statement about 'his beautiful heart', it was unlikely that the next thing to follow would be 'he'll murder us all', right? "He'll…?" she prompted carefully.

"He'll die!"

Oh. Oh dear.

"I – I hoped for this so much, I hoped sooner or later he must realise who he really is – and then he does – only to – only to…" She shook herself, suddenly bursting forth, "Did I tell you why he made me crash on that darned honey planet –"

"He did what?!"

"He wanted to save me! I said I wouldn't stop fighting, and he said he couldn't protect me if I didn't, but I said I would anyway, and so he crashed my ship so that I couldn't go on, and now, now he expects me to just sit still and accept that he'll die – he'll die, Rose! I've seen it! And I can't – I can't – I don't see how I can prevent it, but I can't –"

"Shhhh," Rose made, trying not to let her alarm show. She hadn't known the other woman for long, but Rey was the last person she would have expected to become hysteric; it was deeply disturbing. She awkwardly put an arm around her shaking shoulders, and repeated, "Shhhh, Rey. It's – well, I wish I could tell you it'll be okay, but I haven't got a clue how these Force visions work, so… At any rate, you're not helping him when you lose your head now."

"But – but –"

In a rather desperate attempt to say anything, Rose said the first thing that went through her head. "Did I ever tell you about my sister? About my Pae-Pae? She – I don't know if you actually know that, but she was killed during the attack on the Fulminatrix…" She could see that Rey didn't understand a word she was saying, so she gave a short summary of that ill-fated night, involuntarily choking up when she came to Paige's actual death.

"She wasn't just my big sister, she was my heroine. She was brave and determined and she always watched out for me. I'm – well, you know me, I'm not… I'm nothing like her. And every now and then I wake up in the middle of the night, thinking she must not be dead, and that she left me behind, and that I so wish she had just – just walked away from it all, instead of dying a heroic death. But then, she wouldn't have been her, you see? My sister, my Pae-Pae, would never have given up, that's one of the reasons I admired her so. And she always said, we got to fight for what we love, Rosie, and in the end, she died for what she loved, too. That dreadnought was ready to destroy the Raddus – with her little sister on board, and once again, like always, she came through and saved me."

Rey gazed back at her in a blend of surprise, movement and humility. No, she hadn't known that. She was very fond of Rose and got along very well with her, yet she'd never asked her about herself, which wasn't just a bloody shame, but also stupid, because she had sensed that behind that quiet, self-effacing, clumsy façade was a smart, even wise woman, that might not talk a lot – but instead listened, and made sense of things that seemed inherently senseless.

"Your sister wasn't just your heroine," she said quietly, "she was the heroine. She saved the entire Resistance."

"Yes, well, she did. If only for a day."

"But you're still here. We're still here. The spark of hope is still alive."

Rose smiled through cloudy eyes. "Yes. And from what I hear, we have a new member, haven't we? I heard General Organa's son is going to join."

x X x

8. His Last Lesson

"Maybe it's all part of a great big ineffable plan. All of it. You, me, him, everything. Some great big test to see if what you've built all works properly, eh? You start thinking: it can't be a great cosmic game of chess, it has to be just very complicated Solitaire. And don't bother to answer. If we could understand, we wouldn't be us. Because it's all — all —"

INEFFABLE, said the figure feeding the ducks.

TERRY PRATCHETT/NEIL GAIMAN – Good Omens

Ben Solo was just about to go to bed when he saw a bluish radiance emerge in a corner of his room, which turned out to be the ghost of his uncle – his real ghost, this time.

He was startled for a second, then put his hands together in the Jedi fashion and bowed his head as a greeting.

'I see you have completed your training,' his old master greeted him in return, mirroring the gesture. 'And all the better for my lack of meddling.'

Another bow, not of respect this time but of contrition. "I am sorry, Master."

'So am I, as you know. But let us look on the bright side – it was time for the Jedi to end, we only got it half right. Like this, you and Rey have become more powerful than I could ever have dreamt of, and can start something new, something better.'

"I know she will."

'You're still wondering about that connection between you and her, aren't you?'

"Yes."

'Like you, I was intrigued how she could rise so fast – until I realised it's because of your connection. When push comes to shove, she knows what you know – and vice versa. Your powers and knowledge inform each other.'

Ben needn't cogitate on this, he instantly knew his uncle was right. "Yes."

'Yes, I thought you had guessed as much. The crucial question is rather why would the Force connect you, isn't it?'

"Snoke claimed he had done it –"

'And you already know he always was a liar. And a masterful manipulator – he sensed it before anyone, before you two yourselves became aware of it even. And he understood the danger to him as well as how to use it to his own advantage, or so he thought.' The ghost grinned. 'You've made your grandfather very proud, by the way.'

Ben lowered his gaze. "And blew it all ten minutes later."

'Oh well. He knows all about really blowing it, too. It was said of your grandfather that he would bring balance to the Force, and vanquish the Sith. Back then, nobody bothered to wonder how that should work out – because it's one or the other, isn't it? I have no love for the Sith, but they had some insights worth dwelling on all the same. Like the acceptance of all emotions, not just the happy ones, or the Rule of Two, they got that one half-right. Everything is made of two halves, light and dark, life and death. They got it wrong in so far as thinking it must be a master and his apprentice though. At any rate, Anakin Skywalker vanquished the Sith, and what looked like glorious victory really brought the Force out of balance. But he also planted the seed to bring it back; eventually you were born and you'll finish what your grandfather started – you will restore the balance. Not alone though. It can't be done alone. It takes two halves to make one unity.'

He raised his eyes and gave his old master an imploring look. 'You will look after her, won't you?'

Luke grinned. 'I'd say the girl is quite capable to look after herself.'

'You know what I mean. Don't leave her alone. She's afraid of being left alone.'

The grin became even wider. 'You can do that yourself, Ben. She doesn't need me.'

Ben thought he understood and nodded. 'What other advice can you give me, Master?'

'None whatsoever, kid. It seems you figured it all out splendidly on your own. And quit that 'master' nonsense.'

'Thank you. Luke.'

x X x

9.

We cannot evade our responsibilities. That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be un-dreamed.

MASTER LI – Sandman

During the next days, Ben Solo was awfully busy. Day or night, he commanded hundreds of people to his office, probed their minds and explored if they were – amenable. If they were, and if they were soldiers or members of staff, he used the old Jedi trick to manipulate their minds. It was basically a variant of good old Order 66. 'If you receive this signal -'

If they were civilians and otherwise qualified, he indoctrinated them with what he expected of them in their respective jobs, be they lawmakers, or chiefs of police, or simple bureaucrats. He also tried to make sure that his recent appointees in the different administrative departments on their respective homeworlds were firmly established and had an unmistakably clear idea of what their jobs were and how to proceed in a possible time of crisis. Rulers and governments come and go – but proper administration sticks. He was fairly confident they'd manage; he had picked an excellent bunch. Level-headed, unsentimental, absolutely incorruptible and possessed by such high moral standards that not even Leia Organa Solo would have found them wanting.

x X x

10. Hux Prepares For A Promotion

I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.

DAGNY TAGGART – Atlas Shrugged

Armitage Hux found himself in a very strange frame of mind. His five days of actual leadership had exhilarated him more than anything he had ever experienced, while the loss of Captain Phasma affected him more than expected. A kind of mania had taken hold of him, perhaps enhanced by the painkillers he took, making him daydream of his future – a glorious future in which he was the Supreme Leader of the galaxy, of course.

He would be greater than even his loathed father. As a child, he had never been more than General Hux's bastard. He had worked hard to shed that slur – and become 'General Hux's son'. But soon, they would say of the late general that he had been Armitage Hux's father.

Unbidden ideas for a new uniform befitting that role came to his head, he tried out new titles (Supreme Leader had such a mundane ring to it) and wondered which planet he should designate as his capital. Armitage Hux had tasted blood and he wanted much, much more of it.

Yes, there had been that slight drawback of Ren actually coming back, a little battered maybe, but tanned and in a better mood than Hux had ever seen him in (so apparently Phasma had been right, that reckless slacker had taken a few days of for getting laid!), so chirpy in fact that he had exchanged his black armour for a dark grey one, and thrown himself into his work, filling vacant positions in jobs that Hux hadn't known to exist and passing laws whose possible necessity his general hadn't yet considered either, such as prohibitions of usury or any attempts (future or already existing) to privatise or tax water or air.

Hux rubbed his hands, glad that he wouldn't have to bother with these things after overthrowing Ren. For this purpose, he had assembled three squads of Stormtroopers from the Harbinger – men that Ren had never seen nor, more importantly, talked to and could impossibly have tempered with. Each of them was a master marksman trained with a rather unusual weapon: a bowcaster, to be precise – the one weapon that Hux knew for a fact Ren wasn't immune to. It might not be enough to kill him, sure, but a good deterrent all the same.

He would wait until his ribs stopped aching, and then he'd have a little talk with Ren about the other thing Sub-Lieutenant Pyter had scorned his captors with.

x X x

11.

He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.

CATHERINE EARNSHAW – Wuthering Heights

It was a terrible time for Rey. At the horizon somewhere lurked the death of Ben Solo which in spite of her best efforts to be philosophical, she dreaded and mourned. And directly before her stood her friends, who (with the exception of Rose) did not, could not sympathize. They didn't even believe her.

"I'll believe it when I see it," Poe declared. "Until then I stand by my opinion that Kylo Ren is an evil bastard – pardon my Aqualish, General Organa."

Finn was even less of a help. He was honestly convinced that Kylo Ren had used his command of the Force in order to brainwash Rey and expressed this opinion at every opportunity. Rey's vexed protests were just further proof to him that he was right, and by now, he had picked up on Rose's and Poe's idea of some sort of romance between his darling Rey and 'the monster', which made him yet more anxious and caustic.

"I told you ten times, I told you twenty – it's not like that. I'm not telling you again," she spat and like usual went to hide in her storeroom.

She needn't even think about the preposterousness of this particular accusation. She had never been in love herself, but her abilities with the Force allowed her some insight to recognise that feeling in others. Therefore she knew that Finn was infatuated with her, and that his feelings for her had no resemblance to hers regarding Ben Solo. She knew that Rose had a crush on Finn, but that feeling didn't match Rey's feelings either. And then, there was Poe of course, who fancied any female coming his way, as she had noticed even during her short stays on D'Qar and Takodana.

No, it wasn't like that. Her affection for Ben had nothing of Finn's determinate blindness, nothing of Rose's sad resignation, none of Poe's indiscriminate lewdness. He was simply like her other half, but she was getting tired of trying to explain what they refused to understand.

x X x

12.

Plan A had worked. Plan B had failed. Everything depended on Plan C, and there was one drawback to this:
he had only ever planned as far as B.

TERRY PRATCHETT/NEIL GAIMAN – Good Omens

Chief engineer Garr had finally found someone who never tired of his company – the Supreme Leader himself came to see him every night, for hours, to brood over the plans of the Ionator and the Supremacy itself. He wanted to know everything. It was clearly some hush-hush super top-secret matter, because the Supreme Leader always insisted to wipe most of Garr's recollections of these meetings, which might go a long way to explain why he didn't register his interlocuter's irritation with him (but then again, Garr was the kind of overly intelligent person who needed such things spelled out to him).

And Ben was irritated. Not only with Garr, a man who didn't find it at all strange to have mass destruction at his finger tips and had dedicated his life to perfect it even more, but also with the sheer bloody facts themselves.

He drew heavily on Rey's technical knowledge to make sense of the plans, thus realising that his entire idea was impossible to pull off. The smallest fighter available was 3m24 – but the channels it needed to fly through were at some points only 2m60. He couldn't use any other means of transport, because those would be far too slow, and as soon as passing a certain point, all alarms (which could not be disabled, they were built into the bloody thing itself) would go off – and bring every defensive pilot on board into the arena. He had tried to defuse them by means of the Force, but there were just too many of them, and some in addition too resilient to effectively reprogram them. So there was no way around utilising a TIE-fighter, and the only way to get that one through the Ionator's cooling system was to blow it up before flying through.

Ben Solo wasn't cursed with false modesty; he knew he was a brilliant pilot and a master marksman, but not even he could count on demolishing a narrow passage within a ship in such a precise manner that would allow him to pass it a split second later. And unfortunately, that passage came before that point of no return that would ignite the Ionator's autodestruct mechanism.

But he knew someone whose flying skills far outclassed even those of the son of Han Solo, didn't he? He had met the man only twice, but he knew if anyone could do it, it must be Poe Dameron. But getting the plans to that one led to a whole new set of problems, while in the meantime, the Millennium Falcon's provisions of oxygen were running lower and lower, and General Hux itched to annihilate another planet. He had received intelligence that friends of said Poe Dameron were currently located on Ganthel (population: four billion), and while his superior had really put his foot down on the planned attack, he really wouldn't put it past his general to order an attack behind his back all the same.

Once again, he visited the Communications Department. He sent Sub-Lieutenant Nath as well as Bixby and Snaps on useless errands in order to talk to Udu-u in private, then asked the boy quite directly if it was possible to transmit 30 TB worth of classified data without anyone noticing. It was visible just how much Udu-u wanted to comply – yet couldn't. If only the Communications Department had been involved, it would have been possible to send it in much smaller packages – but all classified data was additionally controlled by the Department of Internal Security.

"I think I can manage them," Ben murmured, more to himself, but saw Udu-u shaking his head mournfully.

The staff handling such sensitive information worked with autonomous work stations that weren't connected to any outside channels. As soon as tapping one of those and extracting classified information from the system, an alarm went off that could not be controlled as it was played back to the Department of Internal Security, where not only the staff received it but another computer whose security codes could not be manipulated either – it could not be done.

What if someone physically transported a chip? Like, stole it and flew off –

Again, Udu-u was visibly disconcerted to be a spoilsport. Apparently, there wouldn't even be enough time (ten minutes at the most) to make if off the Supremacy before all hell broke loose, and if there was any reason to believe that sensitive data had been taken off the ship itself, all security codes would be changed within another ten. Ben skimmed the 'Serious data breach protocol' that Udu-u showed him with a feeling of growing dread. The kid was right. It could not be done.

He had one more clandestine task for the boy before leaving, nothing dangerous, not even prohibited, but Ben wouldn't have known how to do it himself. Udu-u radiated with pride and glee to be of some assistance after all.

"FN-2187. Got it. I'm so sorry I can't help you more, sir –"

"Don't worry, you have been an enormous help already. Also, I just had yet another idea."

"I may be able to help you with that, though!"

"No, you couldn't. It's got nothing to do with technology."

x X x

13.

I am warmed by
Your friendship
Even when you're far away…

I will thank you
Most of all for
The respect you have for me
I'm embarrassed
It overwhelms me
Because I don't deserve any

It doesn't matter
If this all shatters
Nothing lasts forever

DEPECHE MODE – It doesn't matter

Captain Phasma's death had affected her men very strongly – and left a sort of vacancy in their loyalties. Accordingly, Ben hadn't much difficulties to find a couple of extremely able-bodied Stormtroopers willing to do his bidding outside of the usual protocol. He had probed their minds, of course, found them pleasantly disaffected with General Hux as well as unflappable and smart, and appointed them as his personal guard.

"I think it looks more appropriate for my position," he answered Hux' questioning frown.

"I think it looked more impressive when you still appeared capable to look after yourself. Supreme Leader, sir," the General retorted almost challengingly.

Ben marvelled at him, wondering if the man actually enjoyed the retribution he inevitably reaped for remarks like this, or he couldn't account for the sheer stubbornness.

"Don't worry, General. I am capable of that," he said and with a flick of his finger pulled Hux's cap down over his eyes until the top burst and Hux was stuck.

Of course he didn't need them for protection –what could two Stormtroopers do against a serious assault after all that he couldn't do himself? But they sufficed to keep people from bursting into his office at inappropriate times, or wherever else he went and did not wish to be disturbed. Because outside of priming his subordinates, he was busy day and night with practise to prepare himself for the by far hardest task, the one achievement all the rest relied on in order to work out. It would in all probability kill him, but hopefully not before he hadn't accomplished his purpose.

He was in Nute Garr's lab again that day, making notes, when his communicator flashed up. 'URGENT – TELL THOSE WRAIDS TO LET ME IN! U'. He dropped his pen and did so, thus barely saving Udu-u from getting his ass handed to him by the two Stormtroopers.

"They're coming," the kid wheezed, terror oozing out of every pore, "whatever it is you're doing, you must get away!"

"Who is coming?"

"Hux, of course!"

Okay. Ben had not reckoned with this. He could only hope that for once, he wouldn't blunder when facing a situation he couldn't think through from a to z.

"Calm down," he said. "You must get away. Barricade the door from the outside as good as you can, then beat it. Got me?"

"What about you!"

"Don't worry."

"And what about him?!" Udu-u beckoned at chief engineer Garr who had followed this scene slack-jawed and with bated breath.

Ben lifted his hand and made a little wave that rendered the man unconscious, then shot Udu-u a little grin. "See? Not to worry. Now show me which button to push to download everything on this computer, then take care of that door and get lost, will you!"

When he eventually pocketed the little chip, weighing it in his hand for a second and finding it no more substantial than a conjurer's coin, Ben faintly wondered that such a tiny thing should cost him his life.

He settled on the floor and tried to relax as much as he possibly could under these circumstances. He reached out to immerse himself in the Force as Rey had taught him, as he had practised all during the previous days, and then he went that one final step further.

Rey smiled brightly when seeing him appear in front of her, but faltered when spotting his deadly pale face and did not even notice that for once, everyone else seemed to be able to see him as well, jumping to their feet and grabbing whatever weapon was in their reach. He advanced without any preliminaries, snatched her fingers and pushed the chip into her hands.

There was an eruption shaking the entire ship which swiftly diverted Poe's attention as he checked his controls for the source of the apparent attack, but finding nothing.

"These are the plans for the Supremacy, maps, charts and all. Analyse them and you will find her one pivotal weakness. Use her security codes to capture a First Order ship – do not use the Millennium Falcon, she's far too big and couldn't get through the security and also her hyperdrive cannot be trusted – put a missile in the Ionator and get the hell out again at light speed. Within sixty seconds after hitting her, you must be at least a hundred million miles away, do you hear me?"

He bored his eyes into hers and pressed her hands even tighter, making her understand without further need for words. All he had loudly said before was for the benefit of her friends' rather than hers.

"But what about you?" she gasped.

"I'll evacuate."

She felt the small chip in the palm of her hand, that tiny proof that he was actually here, not just in her head, not even only a projection – and a projection over such distance had been enough to kill Luke Skywalker, Jedi master. She didn't need her books to tell her that actual teleportation was far, far worse; one look at him was enough. His skin had the colour of snow and felt just as cold, enhancing the blackness of his eyes which were glazed by fever.

"This is killing you!"

"It hasn't killed me yet."

"Come on, sit down for a start, maybe I can somehow –"

"I've got to get back, Rey."

"What?!"

"They will know I stole the plans. If they can't find me anywhere, they'll know they're no longer on the ship and change all the security codes, and then, it'll all be for nothing."

He clung to her hands like dear life, not only because he was almost too weak to stand, or because he felt strangely re-energised by her touch, but because this was likely their last goodbye. Not letting go, he tore himself away from her gaze and turned to Poe, who was still pointing his blaster at him more or less point blank. "I know you think this is a trap. It is not. Ask her, she can see my mind and anything that's in it. And you –" He looked at Finn, for once not hateful but almost imploring. "I have something for you. I had the records checked. Your real name – it is Kiquirus Buameo, and you're from Exodeen. Your parents didn't sell you, they just died in an epidemic, and since the orphanage couldn't handle so many children all at once, they gave you and some thousand others away to the First Order. Take care – take good care, will you?"

"Master Ben!" an urgent, metallic cry resounded and a second later, C-3PO burst into the cockpit as if he had never shut down. His face wasn't built to show emotion, but his entire posture conveyed excitement and joy. His appearance lit up the sallow face of their strange visitor, and in this moment, Poe did see Leia's son indeed.

"Threepio!" Ben answered with equal affection in his voice. He extracted one hand from Rey and made a weird gesture, touching his nose, pulling his ear and drawing a circle with his index finger in the air, a gesture that the golden droid mirrored exactly (even without possessing actual ears). However, this unexpected reunion with his old nanny emboldened Ben to look over towards the towering figure he hadn't dared to acknowledge yet. He bowed his head and muttered quietly and in Shyriiwook, 'Chewie…'

The Wookiee gave no kind of reply, he merely stared back at him unfathomably. Ben turned back to Rey and gave her one last, long look. 'It's going to come alright. And just in case this really is goodbye – it was a pleasure and a privilege getting to know you, Rey from Jakku.'

'This isn't goodbye!'

'It might –'

'No! I will know when it is time and I will be there, then!'

He smiled at her stubbornness and pressed her hands once more with all the strength he had left.

A second later, he was gone.

x X x