"I'm sorry! I didn't know what else to do!" he shouted. There were tears in his eyes as he stood at the bottom of the porch.
It was raining. Rachel was soaked, even though she stood at the top of the stairs, covered by the porch. There was a blanket wrapped around her, but she still shivered. Water dripped from her hair and into her eyes.
She could feel scratches all over her skin, like she'd been running through brush. Her bare feet were stinging, too, and her sprained ankle throbbed.
She knew she was dreaming, knew this was a memory. If she concentrated, Rachel could almost remember what came before this: climbing out the window, running desperately through the woods surrounding the cabin. Remembered a heavy body crashing into hers, fighting to get away. Being pinned as she struggled, a voice panting in her ear, begging her to stop, just stop.
And she finally had. He'd carried her back, set on the porch. She's said something, and now…
He rubbed his eyes. "I didn't know what else to do."
"I know," she whispered. She licked her lips and said it louder. "I know, I get it."
"No, you don't. You don't know what it's like down there. What they do. Every day, they take me apart piece by piece, but I stand it because…" His voice cracked. He shook his head. Looked away. "And he was gonna, um. He was going to make me watch you die. Watch Dean find you. Your body." He shook his head again, tears spilling from the corners of his eyes. "It would have been worse than being on the rack."
She went one step down. "Well, what's this going to do to him?" Her hands tightened in the blanket folds. "You're… We're… And a baby! Seriously, you're asking me to make him raise a demon?"
He raised his hands to his face. "He's already lost so much. And Azazel promised you'd be fine." He dropped his hands again. "He promised…"
"Azazel is a demon." She began to tremble and not from the cold.
"I know. I know, little girl, but you're strong enough to be okay." He walked over to her. Stayed on the ground, but reached up. Gripped her by the arms. "I saw it. The first time I saw you, I saw it." His face crumbled. "That's what got us into this mess, and I am so Goddamn sorry."
Rachel opened her eyes, dream fading. She looks fearfully around her, expecting to see the demon looming over her. Ready to punish her for remembering something, remembering more of what happened, even though she hadn't meant to.
But there was no one but Nathan. He was propped up in his bed, I-Pod earbuds in his ears, air drumming so quickly, his fists were almost a blur. The music was loud enough for her to hear it.
She leaned over and pulled out one of the earbuds. Green Day's American Idiot poured out. "What, are you trying to go deaf, too?"
"Yup!" But he reached for the I-Pod and shut it off. "You're snoring was bugging me."
"I don't snore."
"Yeah, you do."
"I was subjected to a ten minute monologue about how grateful Dean was that I don't snore, what snoring means in terms of domesticity, and the great superiority of drooling to snoring just last night. Don't try and tell me I snore."
Nathan tilted his head. "Dean prefers drooling to snoring?"
"Dean was stinking blind drunk last night. As was Sam, but he wasn't nearly as verbose. He's kind of a quiet drunk."
"He wouldn't have been if I was there." Then Nathan frowned, his whole face going dark. He sighed.
Rachel reached out and took Nathan's hand. Squeezed it.
Nathan sighed heavily. "I think he's been scared off. He was starting the whole we shouldn't be together for your safety speech before Ash called about Jo." His mouth crimped.
"You don't actually have to listen to that speech. I didn't."
"Yeah, but you could see. And Dean was the one in the hospital bed. I've got a weaker position than you did."
"I guess. But, it's not like Sam's going to hook up with someone else. He cares about you. And he'll be around, sometimes. You can work on him then."
"Why would he be around?"
"Because I'll be around."
Nathan shook his head. "Uh-uh. No. No way."
"No way what?"
"You had it all planned. You were going to find someplace to live that wasn't around Mom and Dad and help Dean and hunt and all that."
"You need me."
Nathan's head fell back against the bed. He banged it a few times. "Don't do this to me, Rachel."
"What do you mean?"
"When you went missing, I took off. I avoided you for days, and now you're here, ready to give up everything you wanted. Don't."
She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Okay, first off, you didn't take off until I was found. And, yeah, it sucked, but you also found my clothes and everything. You were trying to help me. Second, it's not like I had any firm plans. I still don't know where I want to stay."
"You can still hunt. Or at least research."
"Yeah, but the traveling thing." She shook her head. "People's lives depend on us getting places quickly. And being pregnant means lots of bathroom breaks and back aches and… I don't know if I want to do it." Rachel bit her lip, then said, "Besides. Staying at home for awhile will give me time to go through our library. There's a lot stuff on demons no one has looked at for years."
"What about Bobby's library?"
"I'll hit that next. I'm not saying I'll stay in New Haven forever. Just until I'm sure you're okay."
His mouth twists bitterly. "Until you stop feeling guilty, you mean."
She squeezed his hand. "Nate, you're my little brother. It's my job to take care of you. Of course I'd feel guilty. I would have no matter what."
Nathan turned his hand over in hers. Squeezed it back. "Rachel, what were we talking about? Right before it did this?"
"I really can't remember."
"You are such a liar."
"I know. But I'm done risking you guys. All of you."
"So, that's it? You're just going to accept this?"
She shook her head. "No."
Nathan let out a long, slow breath. "So I did figure out something?"
"Yeah, but, um. What you figured out? I don't think it's what we were talking about. Because…" Her abdomen suddenly contracted. She doubled over, grabbing it.
"Rachel?"
Her entire body thrummed in awareness. Her limbs were light, like fill with bubbles instead of blood, and her head spun.
"I'll be back," she said, trying to sound normal but falling on the wrong side of breathless.
"What's wrong?"
"Nathan, I'm fine. I swear." She got up and kissed his cheek. "Listen to your music."
"But…"
"Dad's coming back in a few minutes. Tell him I went to the bathroom." She turned and fled from the room.
She was halfway down the hall when the world swirled darkly around her. She stumbled.
"Whoa, Princess." A hand wrapped around her arm and tugged her back to her feet. "What's the rush?"
Rachel swallowed. Her stomach was clenched in a painful cramp. She looked up.
The yellow eyed demon gazed back down at her, an almost pleasant smile on his face. "You're not trying to run away from me, are you?"
She clenched her jaw and glared up at him.
The demons seemed to find this amusing. His smile deepened. He pushed her back, crowding in on her with his body, forcing her back until she hit a wall.
Her abdomen contracted again. Reflexively, she took a deep breath, her eyes falling close. As she let it out, some of the tightness eased. The spinning in her head slowed. She still felt full of bubbles, fizzy, but the pain was fading.
"Yeah, sorry about that," the demon said, not sounding sorry at all. "Little side effect."
"What did you do to me?" Rachel opened her eyes.
His smile deepened. He ran his eyes over her body and then licked his lips. "I know you don't remember the details, darlin', but…" He nuzzled her, his nose pressed up in the space behind her ear.
She tried to jerk away, but he just followed. "Why can I feel you?" she cut him off impatiently. "Why can I feel Sam? What did you do?"
The demon pressed his hand against her stomach.
Rachel flinched. Drove her free arm down in a down-block, forearm smacking into his. The shock reverberated up her arm, and she had to bite back her groan of pain.
An invisible force froze her against the wall. She struggled, but her body was stuck. It felt as if something was pressing against her from head to toe, keeping her immobile.
"That's a better," he said. He forced both of her arms behind her back and gathered both wrists in one hand. "Although, I have to admit it, I like it when you fight." He pressed his lips against her unresisting mouth. "And you are a little hellfire. Just like she was. It's why it was so easy to convince him; you remind him of her."
"What are you talking about?" Her body was still frozen; inside the shell, she was straining away from him, every muscle tense and aching.
He smirked. "You're such an inquisitive little thing. You'd think that, after awhile, you'd learn. Your brother's eyes weren't enough?"
Tears pricked in her eyes. "No, it was. They were. Please don't…" She licked her lips. "Why?"
"Why what? His eyes?"
"Yeah."
He shrugged. "He was looking into things he shouldn't have been. I thought it fitting."
"Was it about the army thing?"
"No. That was just him putting that famous Adams' brain to work. You'd have figured that much out eventually, just like John did. It ain't really a secret anymore. Too many of my kids are coming into their powers now, and some are starting to take notice. No. He lost his eyes because of you."
"What did I do?"
This time, he brushed his mouth over her forehead. "You tried to get clever on me. Left a little secret message in a book. He manage to decode it."
"What? No I didn't."
He tapped his finger against her forehead. "You don't remember, which isn't the same thing. I wiped out everything, tucked it all away in a neat little box until I'm ready for it to come out. But you got a little tricky on me and J…" He cut himself off with a wince. Then he grinned. "You got me monologuing."
For some reason, that made tears spring to her eyes. "Did you just quote The Incredibles?"
"I've been on Earth awhile. I've had time to kill." He wiped a tear off her face. "So. To put your pretty little mind at ease, I'll tell you a few things. Our bundle of joy ain't gonna kill you, not if you don't do anything to hurt him. No hooves, no horns, no tail, none of the little decorations you've been worried about. It's gonna look human, and it's gonna be born human, no chewing out of your stomach or bursting from your chest or whatever else you're worried about. You just take your vitamins and eat your veggies, and it'll all be fine."
Rachel closed her eyes. Her head spun with relief, and she felt dizzy and sick. Yeah, he was a demon, and she knew he was probably lying, but hearing the words…
"I ain't lying to you, Princess. I've got no reason to kill you off. You just do me this favor, and we're square."
"What about after it's born? What's going to happen to it?"
He caressed her jaw line. "Ah, baby, there's plenty of time to discuss our future later. This is just to lay down some of the rules. Again. So. What have we learned today?"
"Don't ask questions. The baby's not going to kill me. You watch Pixar movies."
"Sounds about right." He wiped another tear that fell from her eye with this thumb. "And, don't worry Princess. You are going to find out whose meat I was wearing to make the magic happen." He pressed against her, sliding his thigh between hers. Pressing up into her.
Rachel ground her teeth together and bit back a whimper.
"Until then, lover, I just wanna leave you with a little something." He lowered his mouth to hers, tongue pressing insistently at the seam of her lips.
She strained to get away from him, but she was still held frozen by his powers. She could feel her abdomen contract, her entire body fizzing with his power, head spinning, the world tilting. She smelled sulfur and fire and sweat and antiseptic and…
"Ma'am, are you okay?" someone asked.
Rachel opened her eyes. She was pressed against the wall across from Nathan's room. Her body was free, the demon was gone.
A nurse was standing in front of her, looking concerned.
"Yeah," she gasped. She smiled shakily through the tears now pouring from her eyes. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just, you know." She gestured at her brother's door.
"Right. I'm sorry." The nurse pat her on the arm and then left.
Rachel slid down the wall. Pulled her legs to her body and wrapped her arms around them.
Okay, so fine. No more questions. No more letting anyone research or look into this. No more secret codes or looking for her journals or computers. She play by his game, at least for now. She had time. She had five months, give or take.
And now, she had his name.
Azazel.