This is a good quote, and it has to do with Lily's desire for solitude.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 You are better off to have a friend than to be all alone.... If you fall, your friend can help you up. But if you fall without having a friend nearby, you are really in trouble. (CEV)
-----
Lily spent a lot of time forcing herself not to cry. It's over...he doesn't want to be with me just because I won't tell him. I messed things up again. Always, I just have to screw something good up...
On the afternoon of Christmas Eve, a knock at her door surprised Lily. She smiled when she saw him, "Come in."
He stood near the couch, rigid and emotionless, quite the opposite of the way he tried to squeeze the information out of her last time he visited. Several weeks out of contact with Lily put him back into the stern CEO.
"I'm glad you came," she said, walking over to him. Lily gave him a hug, one that took a few moments for him to return, "You wanna sit?"
He took a seat on the couch.
"So, uh, you hungry?"
"No."
::silence::
"Look—" they both started.
"Go ahead, Lily."
"No, it's okay. You start."
"Okay, I'll be blunt. Why did you want me here? You haven't talked to me in how many weeks and won't bother to tell me what in the world is going on with your life, and out of the blue you call me."
"Well, I...I miss you. And, I thought, maybe Christmas, you know, it's a nice holiday. You spend it with other people, and I was all alone, and well, I just..."
"Don't you have family?"
"Yes, well, but we're in a complicated situation right now."
"And I'm guessing you won't tell me."
"Well..."
"What a shock."
"Well, I'm sorry if I don't think it's time for me to tell you these things, okay?" she raised her voice.
"You could at least try. It's not like I haven't gone through anything before."
"I just don't think that—"
"Well you know what? I just don't think that this is going to work out. Before, I was ready to listen to anything you had to say, totally ready to support you, but you just pushed me away. How do you think that made me feel? You've changed, Lily, if you won't tell me what's going on, I can't help you. Maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore. If you're just going to keep to yourself, then this isn't going to work. I've tried, Lily. You don't know how much I've sacrificed for you, and this is how you treat me? I do deserve to know," he calmly said and rose from the couch.
After sighing, she said, "Okay, do you really think we should break up? I don't want to. This isn't a big deal, okay? Why do you insist on blowing it out of proportions?"
"I've tried to make this work, which is more than what you can say."
"Okay, tell me after I kiss you, whether you truly never want to see me again. I can leave, you know," she replied. Lily stood up and looked him in the eye before moving in. She kissed him with more intensity than ever and forced her tongue down his mouth. Breaking away, she said, "I don't want to go, but it's your choice."
Kaiba, who hadn't kissed her for almost a month now, remembered how great it felt when he did. His heart beat faster and it was just an emotional overflow. In their time apart he had pushed back all the feelings from before, managed to force his mind over his hormones. He was back in control. The thrill of her kiss just threw everything he worked on the past few weeks out the window.
"I...I..." he stammered.
"I know I want you, and I'm pretty sure that you feel the same way, but you're just going to have to trust me," she said, leaning in to kiss him again. This time, he returned it. She pushed him towards her bedroom and started to undo his clothing, but as his shirt was half off, he broke away.
"I can't do this. This, this isn't..." he turned back around to face a shirtless Lily.
She replied, "It's okay. We both want this..." and led him towards the bed.
Kaiba's heart beat faster and faster as her hands roamed his body. The pleasure from her touch scared him.
We're actually going to do this...and I've wanted to ever since the incident in the shower, but didn't she say...
His train of thought was lost as he noticed her exposed body.
Control yourself...she couldn't have changed her mind about this...why are we doing this? Is this what she really wants? Has everything that we've discussed before been dismissed?
"I...we...shouldn't do this," Kaiba stated, looking her in the eye.
"It's what you want, isn't it?" Lily replied and moved towards undoing his pants.
"Well, no, I mean, yes, but I thought you said—"
"Forget about what I said earlier."
"But, but what about...your condition?" he blurted out, grasping her wrists to stop her.
"Don't you think that I'm the one who would know if I were ready for it or not?" she leaned towards him and tried to continue their kiss.
"Lily, just, stop for a moment. We have to talk about this."
"You don't want me anymore. That's it," she couldn't bring herself to make eye contact and started re-buttoning her shirt after she picked it up from the ground, "Fine, if that's the way, then please, leave..."
"No, that's not it, Don't you think it's a bit sudden? I mean, we haven't talked in such a long time, and all of a sudden you want to do this?"
"So?"
"So, I think it's a bit strange."
"It was for Christmas," she mumbled.
"What?"
"I said, IT WAS FOR CHRISTMAS. Your present."
"But," he said, recovering from shock, "why?"
"We hadn't talked, but doesn't mean that I didn't think about you. It would prove that I still wanted this relationship to work."
"Prove? You don't need to prove anything to me. If you just said something, I would have believed you."
"Well, how was I supposed to know? You wouldn't believe anything I said before."
"No, I didn't believe what I knew you were lying about. You couldn't possibly have been fine over such a traumatic attack. It's been so long, and you're still recovering physically. Emotionally, it's even harder, and you won't tell me what's going on with you."
"So?"
"So, I can't just act like nothing happened. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but it would be insensitive of me." A smile formed on her face but it left as quick as it appeared, "So, tell me."
"No."
"Why not?"
"No."
"You're not helping yourself by keeping it in."
"I am fine."
"Here we go again."
"You brought it up."
"And you won't admit anything."
"So?"
"STOP BEING EVASIVE, LILY."
"I am NOT."
"Yes you are."
"No, I'm not, because there is nothing to evade."
"Just tell me damn it! I deserve to know!"
"Deserve? Hah, he deserves to know. You hear that Steven?" she said to her big stuffed animal.
"Who are you talking to?"
She grabbed her bear stuffed animal and hugged it, "Steven. He listens to everything."
"What?"
"He's the best listener."
"Are you going insane?"
"Are you?"
"Whatever you're trying to do to cope isn't working, can't you see that?"
"I'm FINE!!!"
"No, you're not. Tell me, I deserve to know."
"You think you deserve to know?"
"Yes, I do."
"Okay, fine, you deserve to know."
"That was the most logical thing you said all day."
"Oh, shut up."
"So. Tell me."
"No."
"You even said that I deserve to know! So spill it."
"Why should I?"
"Because, for the millionth time, ALREADY, I deserve to know, damn it!"
"Go away!"
"No! You need help. I'm giving it to you."
"Stop being mean!"
"I am trying to help you."
"Well STOP!"
"Fine. Fine...I give up. Even though you said, I deserve to know, you still won't tell me, so I conclude that you're going crazy."
"You know what? You're crazy! I'm not crazy, I'm MAD! MAD AT YOU."
"You're not mad at me, you're in denial."
"Fine. You want to know? Are you sure you want to know about my stupid idiotic family? Fine. But first, let me tell you, that I deserve to know a lot of things too. Like why did I have to get beaten and raped the night I found out that my father and brother died, and then to find out that my brother was the one who turned against me when I struggled to go to their funeral? Turns out he's not dead, but he murdered my father. Don't you think I deserve to know what happened to my mother? Don't you think I deserve to know why I have a broken arm and rib and bruises everywhere? Don't you think I deserve to know why I have such a dysfunctional family? So stop blowing this whole thing up and using this as an excuse to leave me. Just go, do it like a man and say it to my face. Tell me that you don't want to ever see me again and that I'm horrible, ugly, fat, and STUPID! Okay? Do it. Go on! Who cares, anyway, no one's able to help me now. Go on and forget about me; there's nothing left for me here anyway," she screamed bitterly, her face red and her eyes watery.
He paused to think and soak everything in before saying, "I...I had no idea. I don't want to break it off...You should have told me before; I would have tried to help. You're not alone in fighting the injustices of the world. Why didn't you just tell me earlier?"
"Because...I don't need your or anyone else's pity. Telling you wouldn't change what happened, so why should I have? I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me; it doesn't make any difference if you say, 'I'm sorry you went through that' because I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for everything bad that happens in this world; hell, I'm sorry for the world. I'm sorry for my pathetic existence, but being sorry doesn't do anything. Saying that is pointless. It doesn't help; it's overused, and it's lost its meaning, and..." She yelled, shaking and crying, angry and sad at the same time.
"It's okay, everything will be okay..." he said, bringing her into an embrace to calm her down.
"No, it won't. I might be pregnant and I won't even know the father. But it won't make a difference since he wouldn't care anyway. I can't do anything about the fact that my brother has gone wacko. You think I'm crazy. I don't have anyone anymore..."
"I don't know what I can do, but I'm willing to try." (Him saying 'I'm here' would be too predictable.)
"Yes, I know. You just put up with my nonsense and yelling and bitterness, but I'm not sure if having only you is going to be enough..."
"We'll get through."
"I'm sorry I tried to use you tonight. I know that was selfish, but then I could have someone obligated to be the father, and I, I didn't mean..."
"What do you mean use me?"
"Well, it's too soon to tell if I'm pregnant, I think, so then, I figured, if you and me, well, then if I was, then I'd have someone. But, I really didn't mean to..."
"I thought you said it doesn't matter if you meant something or if you're sorry," he said playfully.
"Well...I actually meant it. And, it's true. I didn't mean to, but it almost did happen. I...well, I regret what I tried to do."
"The important thing is that it didn't."
The two sat in silence.
-----
okay, i liked writing this chapter. i think, actually, that i write arguments the best...is that a good thing? anyway, review, cuz i wanna know what you think.