I do not own Tales of Legendia. But thanks to random stock increases I now own HALF THE WORLD...or I did until someone realized that my stock papers were made out of licorice. Stock market is a harsh world...ANYWAYS, (gets down on hands and knees and cries horribly) I AM SO SORRRYY! This chapter has taken like more than TWO WEEKS to write! Well I did finish the tenth chapter so I kinda deserved a mini vacation (of hell: school). But then I got sick (again) and couldn't move for like five days. And then I...uh...kinda forgot all about Hey, I forget stuff that doesn't try to kill me (aka school and friends). ANYWAYS, I am so sorry everyone! I'll try to balance my time better but hey! Think of this like a new season of a crappy comedy! New seasons take like weeks to come out! And when they come out they're always better! That's like the same thing here! New season, longer time coming out...just not really any better though (wah). ANYWAYS, this chapter is crammed with stuff! So much stuff, junk, and poofiness that you will probably be better off exiting from the site right now. Also unlike crappy comedies this is the chapter before everything starts getting serious (and in a really mysterious way! dun dun dun) ANYWAYS, so sorry, all forty or so of you, who have been kind enough into making me believe that people actually read this, here is chapter eleven.
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Noyem reached out with her arm to block another hit. No good. Another jab went for her left side. She leaned to the right to try and avoid it but only ended up being taken by the arm and shoved on the ground. She tried to resist by using her legs to sweep and trip her opponent but she was too late. Noyem fell to the forecastle deck with a small 'thump.' She wiped the dirt the wooden boards had accumulated over the years of poor cleaning off her face and pushed herself up. Jay watched her with a large smirk. "Wipe that grin off your face. I haven't even begun to fight." Noyem pulled light auburn strands of hair out of her eyes to see better. She was panting heavily, this was her fifth loss in a row.
"Are you sure you don't want to quit?" Jay asked, absentmindedly adjusting his side ponytail. "You haven't even hit me once. You should have picked Chloe or Norma to train with. I'm just too past your level." Jay put his hands in his pockets and took out his dagger. The hotate blade shone off its luster in the early morning sun. "It's a good thing we're not using weapons, if we were you'd be dead by now."
"Oh, shut up, NoseJob (another MJ reference). I'm not just up to speed yet." Without another word Noyem charged at Jay. He sighed and simply cut off by taking the back of her head, stepping behind her, and pushing her to the ground while at the same time polishing the hotate with the end of his shirt. "DAMMIT! Stop being so weird with the inhuman senses!" shouted Noyem, getting another mouthful of dirt.
Jay shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry, it was a reflex." He put away his blade and offered his hand to pull her up. "I'll try to be slower this time."
Noyem shoved his hand away and stood up. "Don't go easy on me just because I've let you won so far." Noyem sounded tough but in her mind she was mentally punishing herself. "WHY DIDN'T I TAKE THE HAND! Perfect chance just went POOFY! Outta here, never seen again! Jay Boy will probably never offer his hand like that again! I'll never get past first base with him! Hell, I'll never get to the freaking ballpark parking lot with him!"
"So, the two lovebirds get some time alone. So sweet, so innocent, but to be pushed away by the cruel hand of shame!" Norma walked up the stairs to the deck while talking in her romance novel voice. "They meet in secret under the superstition of their roommates! But who can stop their ever beating hearts?"
"If you're so good at sprouting literature, Norma, go teach Moses proper English," huffed Jay. "Noyem and I are just training so don't get any ideas." Norma's eyes shot open wider and she put a hand to her mouth. "Ohmigod, you two have moved to the next level of your relationship already? You know what they say, after training comes marriage!" Noyem stuck her hand near her mouth and pretended to be throwing up. "Ew, I haven't even eaten breakfast and then you say something so disgusting. I think I lost my appetite, for life."
Jay rolled his eyes. "Believe me that makes me just as sick as well." "Don't let me spoil all of your fun," said Norma as she sat on a barrel next to the stairs. "Please continue your romantic brawling." Jay simply stood his ground while Noyem leaned her weight on her right side. She wanted to try and trick Jay so she could quickly switch sides and go for an area he wasn't guarding well. She put her own hands in the air, leaving herself completely open. "You go ahead and attack first, Pale-O."
Jay didn't even reply as he dashed straight forward. Noyem was ready to throw his weight off to one side as he came closer. She was about to make her move until Jay grabbed her hand, turned her around, and pushed her to the ground again. "Give up, now?" Jay asked, watching Noyem get dirt stuck to her face, again. Noyem balled her fist and punched the boards beneath her in frustration. "Why won't you just stand still for at least TWO SECONDS! And why do you have to SHOVE ME ON THE FREAKIN GROUND EVERY SINGLE TIME!"
"That's the whole point, to knock your opponent over so you can finish them quickly," informed Jay, trying to sound as modest as a smart ass can get. "Don't tell me your experience hasn't taught you that."
Noyem sat up, spitting a clump of dust that had gotten into her mouth out. "My experience could kick your experience's butt anytime, anywhere." "Then why haven't you won a single match yet?" asked Jay innocently. Noyem was about to reply then stopped. "Because I was talking about a different type of experience..."
"Well, JJ is really good at stuff. What was it you use to say?" Norma mimicked Jay's voice in a high pitched tone. "'I can't it stand it when I don't know if someone is better than me or not. So I must simply find out so I do know. You know?'"
"Why are you even here, Norma?" sighed Jay. Norma hopped off the barrel and put her hands on her hips. "I was just worried about Yammy. She wasn't there when I woke up and then I checked Red's room and you weren't there so the first conclusion that went into my mind was: OHMIGOD they must be passionately making out somewhere!" While speaking Norma put her hand over heart, talking as if she were stating the most romantic words in the world. Jay sighed again, highly, HIGHLY annoyed. "Go away before I decide to kill you," Jay said then began walking towards the stairs.
"Get back here, MJ fan-freak." Noyem was back on her feet, panting even harder. "I'm not done yet." "You look done," said Jay. "I haven't even used half of my strength!" Noyem took large gulps of air and tried to ease her exhausting pant. "I'm not even tired."
"Looking at you like that almost makes me feel bad for you," shrugged Jay. "But if you want to train one last round then fine." Norma hitched herself back on the barrel and watched the two preparing themselves for another match. "You come at me again this time," said Noyem. "Whatever you say," said Jay almost sympathetically. "You're still going to lose."
"Shut up and come at me you short little freak of nature!"
Everyone knows Jay's short boiling point. Everyone knows how Jay acts when someone hits his short boiling point. Sometimes just thinking the word short can send Jay's short evil stares your way. And when you say the dreaded word short it doesn't matter what other words you said before it, all that matters is the word short. And you know once you say it you're soon to be short on life.
Jay rushed to Noyem even faster than he had before and only the little unconscious voice in his head stopped him from taking out his dagger and stabbing her to death. He flitted from left to right to try confuse Noyem before knocking her down and ending all of her short remarks. Noyem kept a trained eye on the swift moving Jay. She didn't think of what to do next she just meekly watched him and let her intuition take over. Noyem noticed how Jay seemed to favor the left side and let that small fact melt into her memory. When Jay was close enough and was about to knock her down again Noyem took his shoulder and wrapped her left leg around Jay's to trip him over. She took Jay by both shoulders and smacked him face down onto the dirty deck's boards.
"SCORE! I win this round, MJ Loser! I told you I was pretty tough didn't I but nooo, you didn't believe me! Well now you're eating dirt, HA!" Noyem was so enthralled at having won a match at last she didn't notice exactly where she was. She took Jay's hotate and held it mockingly in front of Jay. "I wonder if I should teach you a lesson once and for all and cut off your ponytail." "Don't even think of it AND GET OFF OF ME!" screamed Jay. "What are you talking-" said Noyem before Norma interrupted her by cutting the morning air with her piercing laughter.
"Yammy, do you normally attack guys like that?" Norma said between bursts of laughter.
"What are you talking about?" finished Noyem. She looked down at Jay and then finally realized what was going on.
Noyem was on top of Jay like a child would with a pony. Or to put it in worst terms she was on top of Jay like someone would if they're BLEEP and trying to BLEEP and taking their BLEEP and BLEEP and also use it to BLEEP then BLEEP and finally BLLEEEPPP (censoring provided by the 'We Don't Want our Kids to Find the BLEEPING Truth about BLEEP Society)
"AHHH!" Noyem jumped off Jay's back that she had earlier been straddling. "Didn't mean to do that! Seriously didn't mean to do that!" Noyem threw Jay's blade to the ground and brushed off her clothing like they were contaminated. "I can't believe I did that." "I can't believe I didn't realize I was doing that...I could have stayed on longer!"
Jay pushed himself off the ground and quickly placed his hotate back in his pocket. "Remind me to never train with you again." He brushed his own clothes off and began going down the stairs without giving Norma or Noyem another glance. "Well, well, Yammy," began Norma. "It looks like you and your little boyfriend have some issues to work out."
"If you call him my boyfriend, lover, or even just acquaintance one more time I will scream." Noyem watched Jay enter the dinning room entry and creak open the door. It was barely past seven am and even the ship's crew were still asleep. Noyem yawned, waking up at five to get Jay had cut her beauty sleep in half. "Let's go see if Mabby is up, ADD. I want a banana muffin."
Norma was about to reply but her stomach growled over whatever she was about to say. "Yeah, last night's dinner hardly filled me up. I'm sure Aunt Mab will feed us if we ask. You know I just found out that she is Ruby Breath's wife." "They do sound alike," said Noyem, thinking back to the couple's bizarre accents. "But what is weirder is that Red told me. Don't ask me how he knows," added Norma.
"What are you youn'gns doin up there? Come on down so ye can get your breakfast!" shouted a bubbly and too loud for the calm morning voice. Norma and Noyem peered below the deck to see Auntie Mabby herself brimming with her usual too happy smile. She had a basket full of freshly baked muffins and pancakes piping with warm butter.
"We'll be right down, Mab!" answered Norma. She and Noyem hurried down the wooden stairs and greeted the plump middle aged woman. "The captain wishes to speak wiff all of ye too," said Auntie Mabby as Norma and Noyem began dividing their share of muffins. "I think the ship's about to reach Gadoria this evenin."
"Really? Then let's go wake everyone up then, Yammy." Scooping up another five muffins Norma stuffed them into her mouth and ran into the cabins. Noyem took her own share of muffins (nine) and chased after her.
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"GIVE ME THAT HASHBROWN, SENEL!"
Moses reached across the table to try and yank the golden meat and potato dish out of Senel's hands. Senel yanked his plate away and leaned back to try and avoid Moses' greedy hands. "IN YOUR DREAMS, MOSES!"
"Musth thoseth twoth fightth overth foodth everyth mealth?" sighed Jay, his own mouth full of pancake. "Must you talk while eating, Jay? You're getting pancake on my morning salad," complained Will as he flicked a piece of chewed pancake away with the end of his fork. "Shirley, can you pass me the syrup?" asked Chloe. "Umm, I think Noyem is using it," Shirley answered. She pointed towards Noyem, who was pouring the syrup straight out of the canister and into her mouth. "Ew, Yammy, that is so gross. Use a napkin or something." Norma tried to scoot away from the waterfall of syrup but Moses' leg was in the way. Moses was standing on his chair and using his trusty spork from last night to stab the hashbrown away from Senel's mouth.
"Where's the squid?" "Where's the shrimp?" "WHERE IS MY PILLOW!" The Oresoren were underneath the table again. Unlike last night they weren't being treated first and in their frustration they had began talking and in spite of being told, they were not shutting up.
"HASHBROWN, COME TO ME!"
"GO AWAY ALREADY, MOSES! IT'S MINE GET YOUR OWN!"
"Everyone please be quiet I think the captain is coming," said Shirley softly, her voice as effective as a pin drop in all the chaos. It was like the breakfast from hell in the small dinning room so Shirley decided to try and use the best method to get their attention. She breathed in deeply and was about to scream from the top of her lungs until the dinning room door cracked open.
"Is it alright for me to enter?" politely asked the moving white moustache on the beaten weathered face of the captain. Senel and Moses froze in mid-spork battle action. Will dropped his fork that had a single unmanly piece of green lettuce leaf on it. Chloe stopped eating her bland pancakes and let the last bit in her mouth fall on her plate. Norma continued sitting uncomfortably between the syrup eating Noyem and Moses' leg. Noyem stopped squeezing the syrup bottle and let it fall to the table, the sticky maple substance all over her face. Jay swallowed the last mouthful he had taken, almost choking on the pounds of food he had stuffed in there. And Shirley, realizing that her scream was not needed, let her frustrated anger just swoosh out of her in a long sigh.
"It's good to see all of you up and, um, healthy," greeted the captain halfheartedly. "Did you all have a peaceful rest?" "Oh yes, we were sleeping peacefully until we were woken up," grumbled Chloe as she eyed Norma and Noyem. Norma and Noyem smiled like two perfect little angels. Thirty minutes earlier the two 'angels' had kicked open the door of every cabin and yelled in everyone's ears until they had woken up.
"Well I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed the night," nodded the captain, who hadn't heard Chloe's sarcasm. "I have news that I am sure you will be delighted to hear; we will reach Gadoria at exactly six in the evening today."
"Are we already out of the Legacy's gulf?" Jay asked. He knew how difficult it was for a ship to enter or exit the Legacy, since the moving island had an ever changing speed. "Yes, and the Baltoga's port is only a leagues away," the captain replied.
"Aw, so we can't have another Men Fest tonight?" whined Norma. Everyone, even the captain, stared at her. "ADD-Girl, ex-nay on the peeping-nay," hissed Noyem between her clenched teeth. "What did you say, Noyem?" Will glared at her from across the table. "Nothing, nothing at all," answered Noyem with a fake smile. Her mind wandered back to last night when she had peered under the door to spy on the guys in the bathing room. A fleeting memory of Jay's scarred back entered her mind. "I forgot to ask him about that..." thought Noyem. The only reason she had asked Jay for help with training was to get him alone. But she hadn't brought up enough courage to say: 'Hey, I almost saw you naked last night and I noticed a large scar on your back. Mind explaining that to me while you ignore the fact I practically saw you in your birthday suit?' But even though Noyem could be random even she couldn't bring something like that up.
"Well, I see that you all are still enjoying your breakfast. I shall leave you in peace." The captain bowed quickly and exited the dinning room without another twitch of his moustache. As soon as he left, the chaos continued.
"HASHBROWN OR DEATH!"
"GET AWAY FROM MY PLATE, MOSES!"
"Red, get off the table!" Norma held up her plate, seconds before Moses' foot landed in the spot it had been. Senel stayed in his chair and just kept leaning away from Moses. "Senel, you're going to fall," warned Shirley. "Stopth actingth soth stupidth, you idioths!" spat Jay, spewing pieces of chocolate muffin everywhere. "Do you realize that when you talk with food in your mouth you add 'th' to everything you say?" Chloe inserted randomly.
"Shuth upth."
"Has anyone seen my salad?" Will looked under the table. Smiling back at him were three adorable little otters, eating his salad. "Jay, tell the Oresoren to give me back my breakfast." "But they need to eat too," replied Jay after he swallowed a mouthful of muffin. "Then get them their own food!" Will tried to reach and take his bowl back but Poppo/Fido growled back in return. "Wouldn't want to harm the sickly shih tzu/otters would you?" said Pippo/Pochi brightly.
"Can I have the syrup now?" Chloe held her hand out impatiently in Noyem's direction.
Noyem jolted, like she had just been woken up from a long dream. She looked down at the half empty syrup bottle. Suddenly pouring gallons of the sticky maple substance down her throat didn't seem as appealing as it was before. "Yeah, sure." Noyem pushed plastic container towards Chloe. She got out of her chair and went to the door that led to the hallway. "I'm going to take a nap. See you guys later."
"Yammy, wait!" Shirley stood up and walked towards her. Smiling the brilliant smile that made guys melt and girls want to gorge her eyes out. "Do you have any injuries from your practice with Jay? I'll heal them for you." Noyem barely even glanced at Shirley. "I'm fine, just tired." She opened the door and looked back at the breakfast scene.
Norma was trying to pull Moses off the table while Senel stuffed the remaining hashbrown in his mouth. Will was negotiating the return of his salad under the table with the Oresoren (and so far he wasn't winning). Shirley had returned to her seat and was talking to Chloe, who was trying to get the reaming droplets of syrup out of the bottle. And Jay was eating more chocolate muffins, while trying to talk to Senel and Moses at the same time.
Noyem closed the door behind her. The noises of the dinning room halted as if closing the door had sent the world into complete silence. Only her shallow breathing could be heard as she walked to her cabin room, lost in her own thoughts.
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Noyem laid on her bed, staring up at the blank ceiling. Her mind as bare as the pinewood beams that crisscrossed above her. She tried to concentrate on something, a thought or memory but everything just seemed to flow slowly through her mind. Everything was too confusing to think about anyway.
"Hi, Yammy!" Norma threw the cabin door open. "You still napping?" Noyem rolled over on her bed so she was facing the door. "Nope, just woke up." In truth, though, Noyem had spent a few hours aimlessly wandering around the ship until coming back to her cabin.
"Is it okay for us to come in?" Chloe peered into the room with Shirley behind her. When the two saw that Noyem was awake they shut the door and sat on the bed across Noyem's. "Why are they here? Is this going to be some cheesy girl's intervention? Either they'll want to know why I left breakfast or they've come to discuss someone's drinking or smoking problem." Noyem leaned against her pillow, still laying on the bed but their was still enough room for Norma to sit comfortably. After Chloe and Shirley sat down Norma clapped her hands together. "Now that everyone is here we can come to order!"
"What are you talking about, Norma?" asked Noyem. She wasn't in the mood for any of Norma's craziness. "We are here to talk about all important matters," declared Norma. Noyem gave Norma a tired look. "Are we going to talk about men? Again?" "Shirl is the one who thought this up so I will give her the honor of going first." Norma bowed her head in Shirley's direction.
"Oh, I just wanted to ask you about that crystal ere you use, Yammy. I didn't mean for Norma to make a big deal out of it." Shirley laughed and smiled radiantly. "I meant to ask you over breakfast but, um, you just seemed to be having so much fun with the syrup so I kind of forgot." "Also Coolidge and Sandor's fighting made any conversation impossible," added Chloe.
Noyem shifted nervously on the bed and sat up. "What do you want to know about the ere?" "Just what it's called. It seems a lot like Will's Icicle Volt just in a different form and shape." Shirley talked pleasantly like she was discussing the weather, not weird superhuman powers that made your nails into an instant sparkly manicure. "It is Volt Lighting," began Noyem hesitantly, "but I synched it with another property making it what it is."
"What do you mean by 'synched?'" Norma seemed genuinely curious, although after Shirley had talked for awhile she had began yawning. "I made it different by putting other attributes in it," explained Noyem, hoping they would accept that answer.
"Like iron erens can do with their eres?" asked Chloe. "But I thought crystal erens couldn't do that."
Noyem tried to hide her trepidation by talking nonchalantly. "I was taught to control my powers by...someone." "So you have a teacher," said Norma making the statement sound like a question. Noyem knew what they expected her to explain next. But when she tried to open her mouth to talk she couldn't find the right words. Talking about Jare, even if she didn't mention the name aloud, made her very uncomfortable. She was about to try and talk again until the Senel appeared at the door.
"We've reached Gadoria, the captain is planning to dock any minute!"
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The party had taken an hour in total to organize themselves and repack all of their belongings. They had run around crazily, grabbing their stuff, finding any lost underwear, grooming their thick fur for presentation (well, only the otters...and Moses), smoothing their cabin beds, and saying their last goodbye's to the bushy mustached captain, the cheerful Mabby, and the drunk Rubert. "Ye all take care of yeselfs!" hiccupped Rubert while waving off Will, Senel, Chloe, Norma, Moses, Jay, Shirley, Noyem, and the otter/shih tzus. Everyone had been happy to leave the ship behind once and for all and never see it again, but Will had grimly informed them that the Irreplaceable Beauty (Beaty) would be their ride home. "If you all survive to go home," Noyem had thought to herself.
Now the group was officially on Baltoga, Gadoria's, hardy soil. Or shitty soil as Norma soon found out.
"EW! EW! EW! EW! I think I stepped in horse crap!" Norma threw down her dozen bags and began wiping her foot furiously against the dirt. "This is so GROSS!" Norma began running around insanely, acting as if she had been told she was going to die in seven rather than have only a mil-piece of horse poop on her boot. "Get it off, GET IT OFF!" Norma ran to Moses, ready to wipe her boot off against his black and white pants.
"Get off a me!" screamed Moses as he tried to back away from the approaching Norma, which was hard for him since he was loaded with eighteen bags.
"Normally the street isn't so dirty," commented Noyem, looking at the rest of the street in front of the group. The cobblestone path was littered with the waste carriage horses left behind.
"So this is what Baltoga has been reduced to..." Chloe stared out at the city that had served as he home many years ago. It was a shadow to what it had been in the past. Ten years ago it had been a peaceful utopia with lively citizens populating the Victorian city in an uproar of gossip and political news. At that moment, though, the streets in the fading twilight were nearly empty.
"It's been this way ever since the Crusand Empire declared war, and Mt. Zelques exploded into a million little bits," said Noyem. Behind her, along with Norma still trying to wipe her soiled boot on Moses, Shirley stood quietly. Half of the reason Mt. Zelques had exploded was her fault.
"Well, Noyem, where do we go from here?"
Noyem looked behind her to see Jay addressing her directly. "Well...um...uh..."
"Our being here is entirely your responsibility, Noyem," said Will, making it sound like he was saying "this is all your fault that we came here in the first place."
Noyem thought for a moment, her mind as blank as it had been in the cabin. Her blank thoughts were interrupted by Norma coming back with the horse shit off her boot.
"I wish we could go somewhere to get my hair fixed at least. It is so frizzy in this air," complained Norma, trying to pat down her light brown hair. "That's it!" thought Noyem. "Makoto and Anne's place!"
Noyem clapped her hands together, like Norma usually does, to get everyone's attention. "I have some friends who live around here. I've known them for awhile and I know that they will take us all in!"
Senel looked at her skeptically. "Are you sure? But what about getting to..." Senel risked a glance at Jay. "Mercy's home."
"We can't go there now! It would be too soon. And anyway Jay can mentally prepare himself or whatever before he meets her. Just trust me for once."
Senel, Will, Chloe, Norma, Moses, Jay, and Shirley passed unvoiced anxiety to each other. They had already taken a big risk in following Noyem to Gadoria but they had almost been in control the whole time. Now everything was on Noyem's shoulders (and this scared the horse poopie out of every single one of them).
"Fine, lead the way," said Will.
Noyem smiled, a mimic of the lovely smiles Shirley was always showing. "Don't worry, Anne and Makoto and the best people in the word." Noyem winked. "Second only to you great people of course." Noyem picked up her bags and began moving forward off the short dirt path that led to Baltoga's harbor. The click of each step on the flagstone path of the town echoed eerily through the still street. The few people that were walking about stole gaping glances at the newcomers. Some people even tightened their coats and bounded away, intent on separating themselves from the traveling group. The buildings looked like discarded dollhouses, windows dark and grime sticking to the edges of the doors. A light shone out of a window ever now and then in the coming evening, but the comforting glow always disappeared eventually. After walking fifteen minutes, Noyem stopped leading and halted at a stairwell leading down to a gloomy porch.
"Is this their place?" asked Moses. Everyone looked down the stairs, there was no signs of life whatsoever.
"Yep," Noyem replied happily. She was unfazed by the lack of humanity and people. She motioned to the party to stay still and then snuck down the stairs. She rapped on the door in short bursts.
"Do you really think we'll be safe here?" whispered Chloe to Senel. "It feels like she's knocking on the door of a gang society..."
"I'm sure with Noyem, it is a gang society," answered Senel. "But we can't go anywhere else until tomorrow."
"Exactly," continued Chloe. "Where is 'anywhere? We have no idea what we've gotten ourselves into."
Senel wasn't able to answer that. Surprisingly, Quppo was able to explain. "We are here to help Noyams!" he exclaimed. "It's always nice to help people out! And Noyams is our friend too!" "Screw friendship," mumbled Pippo/Pochi. "I just want to get out of this cold!"
Noyem began checking the doorknob. She wiggled it and jerked it and slammed her body into the door. Her actions came to no avail. No one opened the door and the door didn't magically burst open either. Noyem folded her arms across her chest. "This is so weird..." she murmured.
"Maybe they're just not home?" offered Norma.
"No, Makoto and Anne are here...It's in our deal that they always be home at eight or later in case I need to come over. Maybe..." Noyem looked through the small triangular window above the door. "Maybe," she repeated, "it's because I'm not with a guy..."
"What?" asked Shirley.
"Makoto says I have to bring at least one cutie every visit. He must be pouting in his room or something," said Noyem, talking to herself more than talking to everyone else. She pounded on the door again and began talking to it. "Makoto, I swear there is one kinda good looking guy out here! And one I think is gay too! Answer this door, PLEASE!"
Suddenly lights burst on in the apartment and the door slammed open. A weirdly dressed eccentric teenager stood in the doorframe. "Hey, Girl, I knew it was you! Just had to make sure, you know? Don't want no pervs (other than you of course) in here!"
Noyem's face broke into friendly recognition. "Makoto, my man-er-girl. What do you mean by no pervs? I thought you loved them!"
"Only the ones for hire," chuckled Makoto. The party tried not to gawk at the freakish Makoto. He was dressed in a pink and white shirt with frill lining the edge and purple totally illegal in at least twenty-seven states pants. His dyed green hair was overly spiky, looking like if you pulled one of you could use it as a weapon. His eyes were too big for a normal male's and his lips too poofy. Also he was wearing blue eye make up. The party just stared in silence at the freak that made Jay look like a normal citizen.
"Makotoy! Don't talk so slutbut in front of the virginnated company (and the old guy who knocked a chick up AHEM)," whispered Noyem, but loud enough for Will to hear. He cleared his throat and reached for his hammer, slowly.
"WHOA!" Makoto faked surprise. "You brought virgins? That is totally new for you. Turning a new leaf?" Will continued to walk towards Noyem, encouraged by the 'virgins' in the background.
Noyem covered her mouth with her hand. "A new bed sheet is more like it."
Will brought up his hammer and was ready to bring down the anger of himself and the virgins, but a hand went on his shoulder. "Excuse me," came a stern voice behind him.
A girl maybe older by a few years than the rest of the girls in the party, pushed Will back and went behind Noyem herself. She had thick oily looking black hair with olive colored skin. She had large spectacles on a crooked hawk nose. She was thin and tired looking, much too tired looking for someone her age. The unknown girl brought up a skinny hand.
"Girl, you are soooo bad!" Makoto and Noyem were continuing their conversation oblivious to what was happening.
"Well, the guys I know don't say I was bad, just too fast," Noyem mimicked Makoto's high pitched chuckle. "But if you want a real reference talk to this uber sexy guy in-"
"You blubbering fool. A man has no less touched you then they would poison ivy dipped in corrosives. You're as pure as you are horrible." The hawk nosed girl brought down her hand quickly against Noyem's skull. The bonk was twice as effective as Will's, it sent Noyem almost headfirst into the door.
"What the hell-Wait, Anne?" Noyem turned around and faced the girl. "Anne! Glad to see you still hate me."
"And it's absolutely horrible to see you alive," said Anne stiffly. Then the petite girl showed a smile as tiny as her structure. "Just kidding, glad to see you're okay."
"Are you two Yammy's friends?" Norma looked at the three standing side-by-side now.
"Yes, I am Anne Lanrich and this is my brother Makoto." Anne bowed then turned towards Noyem. "Quite a large group you brought this time. What happened to the usual one or two?"
"Hey, the guy I found couldn't travel without his little buddies. I had no choice." Noyem patted Anne on the shoulder. "Do you think you could take care of all of us? Or are you just going to leave us in the street?"
Makoto was the first one to answer. "Mmmm," he purred. "Strange selection but nice looking bunch. Why don't we show all of them inside?" He opened the door and spread his arms out. "Come on in, hotties."
Senel, Moses, and Jay suddenly shuddered.
The party entered the comfy small home of the Lanrich's. They immediately walked into a hallway with an opening to a kitchen across from the main door. Makoto and Noyem herded Will, Senel, Chloe, Norma, Moses, Jay, Shirley, and the otters into the warm kitchen where luckily their was enough seats to fit a group of seven. The otters sat along the wall, their tiny bodies were exhausted and Poppo/Fido even snoozed off after Anne walked in and joined Noyem and Makoto in leaning against the counter.
"So your names are Senel, Moses, Jay, Shirley, Chloe, Will, and Norma," stated Anne as she pointed in each at turn. "So which one of you is the great lost son of Mercy? Wait let me guess," she pointed at Senel, "the cutest one of all right?"
Senel cleared his throat sheepishly. Noyem clicked her tongue. "Nope for once it's not. It's the freak in the front." She pointed at Jay.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
"I think the whole selection is superb, if I say so myself," commented Makoto. Once again Senel, Moses, and Jay shuddered at the sound of his voice.
"Um, no offense in my asking," began Shirley, "but how do you two know Noyem and her story?"
Anne adjusted her glasses. "We met Noyem a couple months ago. She had her eye on Makoto she was convinced the he was 'the one' at the time. But to her profound disappoint Makoto was far from being the real thing and all of Noyem's advances are useless against Makoto here."
"What does that mean?" asked Chloe.
"I'm as gay as gays come, honey, so Noyem's magic had zero effect on me," said Makoto with a smile.
"Anyway," sighed Anne. "We learned everything about Mercy, Whitehill, and the situation from Noyem. And since we didn't want to leave the poor useless thing all by herself we decided to help her."
"Whitehill," murmured Jay. He remember Noyem had mentioned a Whitehill earlier but so far he knew nothing. "What is Whiteh-"
"Great, serious questions." "So, Anne, what do you think you can do with this lot?" Noyem purposely interrupted Jay. Even standing in front of him to divert the Lanrich's attention.
"They're all hopeless," answered Makoto and Anne at the same time. Makoto examined everyone closely. "One isn't even wearing a shirt (not like I'm complaining though)."
"Hey! What do you mean by hopeless?" insisted Norma.
"You'll find out in the morning," winked Makoto. "Right now though we need to get everyone in bed. If you would all kindly follow me." Makoto hopped off the counter. "Oh wait, I totally blow as a host. Let's get everyone fed first, Sissy."
Anne rolled her eyes at her queer brother. "Only you, Makoto, could forget something like eating." Anne gracefully lifted herself off the counter and began rooting through the cupboards. "We don't have luxury food but we have enough to feed all of you." Anne took ten teacups and laid them on the table. She slapped Noyem and Makoto's knees. "You two help me."
"We can help too if you want," offered Shirley as she began getting up.
"Fine then," said Anne. "You go and get some plates from the shelf there." Anne pointed to a shelf above the area the Oresoren were sleeping. "And you, Jay, go get those whatever-they-are out of the kitchen and into the hallway." Jay nodded and began taking up the dropped figure of Poppo/Fido. "Chloe, go into the first room on the left side of the hallway. That's where all of you will be sleeping so you better fix up. It's been years since I myself have ever cleaned it. Take Senel with you too." Anne waved Senel and Chloe off as the two were stuck at cleaning duty just as they had been only a few days before at Will's house. "Moses, go find some more chairs. I don't care where you get them but just bring them here. Norma, help Noyem with cooking. And, Will, help Makoto with boiling the meat. And Makoto," Anne stopped a moment in her ordering rampage, "please don't try to convert anyone to your beliefs. It's hard enough with just one homosexual around."
So everyone went to complete their jobs as Anne kept shouting orders. She changed people's errands dramatically; made Shirley clean every plate she found, made Noyem and Norma start over on cooking the cornbread because they made it too soft, made Chloe and Senel clean ALL of the rooms, made Jay go out and buy fish (even though Noyem profusely objected), made Makoto gag himself because he was talking about how much fun being gay was, made Moses make chairs that would perfectly match the other kitchen's, and lastly made Will help her order people around because after two hours Anne was seriously hoarse from yelling so much.
And finally, after three hours of chores, everyone was ordered to sit down and eat.
"You know," panted Shirley, her hands sore from wiping plate after plate, "when I said we could help, I was thinking of simpler tasks."
Anne passed a plate of cornbread to Senel and Moses, who were, for once in their lives, too tired to fight over food. "Well, what type of host would I be if I let you all just sit there bored?"
"When you offer Ann-Ban help, she never refuses it." Makoto cut off a thin slice of meat from the ham on the table and took a small bite into it. "Believe me I know, I've lived with her too long."
"You two don't look related," said Jay as he tried to hold a light blue teacup in his hand normally. His fingers had wrapped around it uncomfortably and he couldn't loosen them.
"But we are! Or at least I think we are, but look we have the same eye color." Makoto took his sister's face and widened her left eye by prying it open. Like himself, Anne had the same gray eyes as her brother. Makoto let go off Anne's face. "We were both abandoned at the same orphanage at the same time, so people just started calling us brother and sister."
"Oh, you were abandoned? I'm so sorry," said Chloe softly.
"No big deal, if we hadn't grown up in that crappy place we would have never met Noyem." Makoto put a hand on Noyem's shoulder. "We're like girlfriends now aren't we Noyemcoyem? Although your big buddy Whitehill burned down the entire orphanage when he found out you were living there."
Noyem gulped down a piece of cornbread. "Hey, I was only living there cause I was trying to get you to come with me. And not too many people died in the-"
"Who wants cake?" asked Anne suddenly, shutting Noyem up.
The rest of the evening passed uneventfully as conversation was thrown around the table in chunks. The only meaningful talk that was said was when Makoto asked if any of the cute boys were gay.
"I think the pale one is," answered Noyem jutting her head towards Jay.
"WhAt?"
"Oh yippe!" Makoto clapped his hands together like Noyem had given him a new toy (ewww, for some reason typing that made me sick a little).
Eventually though, dinner was finished with only one crumb of cornbread and one cup of half empty tea was left. The Oresoren who had been staying in the room freshly scrubbed, dried out, and decontaminated by Senel and Chloe had tucked into the fish Jay bought them. The single lone grandfather clock at the end of the hallway stroke twelve and the party sorted themselves into sleeping bags and fell into an undisturbed rest brought on by their fatigue from the tasks they had endured earlier.
Noyem was the only member awake in the hallway, standing beside Makoto and Anne in front of the guest room listening to the rustles in sounds people make when their in deep sleep. "So are you going to fix some of them up tomorrow?" she asked.
Anne took the glasses off her nose and rubbed her temple. "It will be hard. Especially that shirtless and overly pale one."
"But we'll do everything we can," promised Makoto, "even if we have to put them through fashion hell!"
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"I almost feel sorry for what they're going to go through...but I can't wait for the results though." Noyem was the first to wake up. She pushed the thick material of the sleeping bag off her and gently lifted Quppo off her legs. She cupped her hands around her mouth. "Here goes nothing."
"WAKE UP! FIRE, FLOOD, HURRICANE, TORNDADO, AND OTHER NATURE STUFF LIKE THAT IS HAPPENING! WAKE UPPPPPPPPP!"
Norma, whose sleeping bag was next to Noyem's, woke up with a spastic flinch. "What the heck...Yammy, what was that?"
Chloe threw her covers off. "FLOOD? FLOOD? WHERE?" She looked around crazily for the wall of water that spelled her worst nightmare. Shirley woke up more slowly. "Huh? Who was screaming so loud?" She rubbed her eyes and yawned in a cute sleepy way that would have made even the hardest boys say, 'awwww.'
"Noyem, you idiot, are you trying to make us hate you?" Jay said next. His usual un-Casanova attractiveness was at full force in the early morning. "That sure was one of the best mornin calls I've ever heard," said Moses.
Will, sleeping at the end of the room, took the sleeping mask off his head. "I knew I should have brought earplugs," he sighed regretfully. Senel turned over in his sleeping bag. "Three more minutes."
"No wake up now, Makoto and Anne are going to fix you all up with formal wear before we leave. And unless you want to be forced out of bed by my good, boy-crazy friend I suggest getting up now."
Senel immediately woke up. "Okay, I'm up. What do you want us to do?"
Noyem grinned. "Like I just told you, Makoto and Anne are going to fix you guys up."
"We're going to get new outfits?" asked Norma excitedly.
"Of course, some of you look so horribly dressed butlers would kick you out before you stood on Mercy's front yard." Noyem stood up and opened the door. "No one even worry about brushing your hair or teeth. Makoto and Anne are best with raw materials, in fact they're the best in the whole fashion business."
"Wait, you're tellin me those two are fashion designers?" Moses shook his head. "Unbelievable." Moses was saying the truth, Anne and Makoto looked like fashion impairments not fashion geniuses.
"The things they do are unbelievable. You'll believe me once they've transformed you into a person that would be half accepted into society," jeered Noyem.
The party emptied into the hallway that was, when brightly lit up with sunlight coming through the windows, a truly picturesque sight compared to the gloom it was the night before. With the apartment brightened, the numerous doors were visible. Each door had a sign hanging over it, each one saying a letter of the alphabet on it going from A to the closest to the main door to Q that was at the end of the hallway next to the rustic grandfather clock.
"With so many rooms it seems like we could have each had our own last night," said Chloe. The guest room had been too cramped and along with having to endure the snoring Moses everyone, especially Jay, Shirley, Senel, Chloe, and Noyem, had to endure Norma's highly annoying sleep talks ("you'll never get taller...you'll always just be his sister...you're too spineless...you'll never confess your feelings...you stuff your bra...").
"That is where you are wrong, Madam Valens." Anne stepped out of room B with a tape measure in her hand. "This home was once a theater add on. Every room leads to an old actor's dressing room." Anne brought the tape measure up to her eye and snapped the flexible measuring felt. "And each of you will go into one."
"Leave it to Little Orphan Annie to make something like a makeover threatening," commented Norma. "Where's Makoko?"
"Here I am!" Makoto talked in one of his over high pitched male voices as he skipped out of the same room his sister had been in. He too had a measuring tape. "I say we get this started!"
"We take the most problematic now, leave the most normal ones," Anne stated. "Now line up, all of you. We'll choose the victims." The party except Noyem and Will stood with their back straight against the wall, unblinking and unmoving. Normally they would have objected but Anne's tone had almost frightened them into doing what she said.
"Is this really necessary?" Will had been quietly excused from the group since being an adult and already wearing acceptable enough clothing.
"Hey, Jay Boy is dressed like a freak and the Shirtless Wonder is...well shirtless," replied Noyem. She focused her attention on the group. "This is going to be entertaining..."
Anne pulled at Jay's sleeves. "What type of outfit is this? Reject from Ninja's Suck Us? And leggings with it? Purple leggings?" She grabbed Jay by the shoulders. "He is definitely first."
Makoto eyed Norma. "The hair is way too messy even for morning hair and the yellow dress screams, 'Please don't make fun of this outfit.' Makoto took Norma's hand. "She's first for my group."
"Wait, both of you are going to work on two different people at the same time?" Jay tried to pull himself away from Anne's steel grip.
"I work on the boys, Makoto works on the girls," said Anne. Jay tried to yank Anne's hand off his shoulder.
"But what about...I mean you're a girl...and I'm..."
"Fine then, if you're that uncomfortable, I'll let Makoto work on you." Anne let go of Jay. At that moment Makoto winked flirtatiously and licked his lips. In the next second every straight guy on Earth suddenly quivered horribly.
"TAKE ME WITH YOU, ANNE!" Jay hid behind Anne and shook violently from his disturbing encounter. Anne took Jay by the sleeve and continued dragging him to one of the dressing rooms while Makoto took the giggling Norma with him.
"Do we have to go under this?" asked Senel, staring off at Jay being dragged away. "Every single one of you," confirmed Noyem. "And don't worry, it will pass over soon enough."
A few hours later...
"PUT THE FREAKING SHIRT ON!"
"GET IT AWAY FROM MEEEEEE!"
"Be a man, Moses, we had to go through it."
"Wearing a shirt won't kill you."
"YES IT WILL!"
Moses wrestled away from Anne and Makoto who were trying to hold the wild man down. A formal black shirt was scrunched in Anne's hands. Anne tried to shove the shirt back on Moses. "Sit still you, buffoon!" Makoto tried to hold Moses' arms out but Moses kicked him away and ran down the hall screaming, "I HATE SHIRTS!"
Senel shook his head sadly. "Sorry, I never knew Moses had a fear of clothing." Senel was dressed in a reserved black suit that was similar to the one that Anne and Makoto had tried to shove Moses into. Senel's hair was smoothed down giving him a sleek, smart look and the coloration of the clothing made his skin look even darker. Chloe, Norma, and Shirley had already given him endless comments on his new look.
"I always thought someone like Red wasn't afraid of anything." Norma shrugged her shoulders. "I guess not." She was purposely trying to get Moses to react to her comments but he kept screaming and running down the hallway. "Geez, crybaby." Norma folded her arms over the chest of her new dress. It was yellow like her regular outfit but a body tight dress that extended to her feet. A gold intricate design twirled up the side of the gown. The design ended at the side of her right arm and looped back down to the side. Norma flipped back a lock of her straightened hair. For once it wasn't frazzled everywhere and a canary colored headband kept bangs from hanging down into her face that had been lightly tweaked into perfection by light makeup.
Chloe was dressed similarly to Norma. Her dress was dark blue with a V neck on the front and the back. She had demanded to keep her hair the same way but she had let Makoto apply makeup. But like Noyem's, her dress had a matching black jacket but instead of it being full length of the dress the jacket ended at Chloe's midriff and was tied together with a single string.
"Maybe we should try to bribe Moses into putting a shirt on," suggested Shirley. Compared to the other girls, Shirley was wearing the outfit that stuck out the most. Instead of a tight fitting gown hers was more loose after the waist. It was a beautiful white satin with the top area sea blue cut in a square around the chest area. The dress was completely sleeveless.
"Makoto, where are my tranquilizer guns?" Anne looked to her brother to find him shrugging. "I don't know," he answered, "I think you left them in the room you took that pale kid in."
"You mean Jay?" Pippo tilted his head curiously. The Oresoren had crawled out of the room earlier and ever since had been helping Anne and Makoto with dressing everyone. "Speaking of Jay, where is he?" Quppo looked around the hallway. "I haven't seen him since we woke up," said Poppo.
"You're right...In fact I don't remember ever seeing him come out of one of the dressing room," mused Chloe. "I remember Anne putting him in there, and then taking Coolidge in there...Do you remember seeing him?" Chloe faced Senel who suddenly trembled at the moment of being taken into dressing room B.
"Everything was such a fast blur in there, I don't remember a thing that happened."
"A blur? What do you mean, Senny? Didn't you feel relaxed and stress free while going through your makeover?" asked Norma.
Senel trembled again. "No, I think was unconscious half the time..."
"Do you remember what Anne did to you?" asked Will.
"I was tied to a chair while my hair was being brushed, I remember that..."
Noyem watched the group with mild interest. She had seen Makoto and Anne transform street bums into brilliant living works of art and what they had done to the party was barely a show of their talent. She stifled a yawn. The morning was too boring for her. But Noyem knew why Anne was trying to make the group ready so quickly. They would all soon be taken to the Lekeya estate.
Footsteps could be heard behind her. Noyem took her attention off the rest of the group, that was either hunting Moses down or comforting Senel's traumatic makeover experience. She placed a hand to her pocket her nerves sharp from hunger (no one had eaten since Makoto didn't want anyone's outfit ruined). Noyem glimpsed behind her to identify whoever it was. And after staring open mouthed for a few moments Noyem was able to identify whoever it was as... "a pretty cute hottie."
The pretty cute hottie looked about the same age as Noyem. He was wearing a strange white outfit with a gray almost invisible design of a chain wounding around the loose fitting shirt. A few dark strands of hair hung over his eyes with the rest tied together in a loose ponytail that hung unevenly across his back. The left side of the ponytail was longer than the right, as if it had been cut wrong.
Noyem smiled coyly at the new stranger. "This guy...totally makes me forget all about that homo Jay! I'm finally cured! Finally cured from my horrible love curse on Jay-Freak!" Noyem batted her eyes like a love struck teenager. She let her hands slide down the sides of her hips. "I've never seen you around here before, have I? I think I would have remember seeing you." Noyem's voice came out in a catlike purr that would have normally sent testosterone pumping (EW! Don't envision that).
Whoever-he-was stepped back, totally grossed out. "What is wrong with you, Noyem? You're acting worse than you normally do."
Noyem's heart stopped beating wildly. That voice was all too familiar. "J-J-J-J-J-J," was all she could stammer before Norma noticed what was going on behind her.
"Hey, look! It's JJ!"
Noyem fell to the ground. "Jay? What the..? Why...? How...?" She rubbed her eyes. "So much for being cured, I should have known it was him. His skin is still freakishly pale, although the white outfit actually makes him look a bit less pale..."
"Wow, is that really you, JJ?" Norma peered under Jay's long bangs to look him in the face. "You look so different, next to Senny I now rate you the second most attractive guy in the Fun Bunch. Congrats!"
"What a great honor," huffed Jay. He still had all of the same expressions but with such a new look the sarcasm face was, like Noyem mentioned earlier, pretty cute.
"WHOA, is that really short, little, pale, creepy, big fore-headed, eye liner makeup wearin, freaky side ponytail with no sense of style Jay?" Moses crawled out of his hiding place behind the grandfather clock. Makoto, who had been using a stick to try and prod Moses out, was amazed. "Sissy, did you really do that to that freak earlier? He looks so different..." Makoto stared at Jay in the same teen-age hormoned way Noyem had used earlier.
"You know not all of you have to act so surprised," said Jay.
"What did you do with the real Jay?" demanded Poppo. "Tell us and we won't spare you!" screamed Pippo. "It's 'will spare you', not 'won't,'" said Quppo.
"Anne, you're a miracle worker," stated Will. "I think God would be the more appropriate term for what she did," said Senel. "Don't be exaggerate, Coolidge," said Chloe, "you can still tell it's Jay."
"Um, thanks, Chloe," said Jay not knowing if Chloe's comment was suppose to be good or bad.
Shirley gave Jay a cute, warm smile. "That outfit does look good on you."
Jay stared down at the carpet, his face red. "Thank you," was all he could murmur. "Ew, I can't take all these warm fuzzy emotions anymore..." Noyem got off the floor and took Jay's hand.
"You know if you had been this good looking when I had to kiss you I would have been only half way repulsed. Of course, winners can't be choosers." Noyem pressed herself harder against Jay. "But you're just so darn adorable I think I reward you with another peck."
"GET OFF MY ARM!" Jay began shaking his arm up and down violently, shaking Noyem along with it. Noyem still wouldn't let go. "Get off, get off!" He began pulling his arm away from Noyem. She just tightened her grip.
"What a sweet...and disturbing sight," said Makoto.
"They usually do stuff like that," shrugged Moses.
"Speaking of disturbing things lets take care of you right now." Anne grabbed Moses by a grasp of pink hair and began dragging him towards room B. She laughed evilly while doing so. "I still have a lot of tranquilizer left from Jay's turn to knock you out, so much in fact it could leave you dead! Muahahaha!"
Moses clawed the floor helplessly. "Someone please help me..."
"Don't worry, if you cooperate it'll end quicker," promised Anne in an unpromising tone.
"Well then hurry up, Sissy," said Makoto peering through the blinds of a nearby window. "The carriages we sent for are already here."
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AFTERWORD: Ok, remember my apologies earlier about this coming out so late? Well now I'm going to rephrase that: I"M SORRY THIS CHAPTER SUCKED SO MUCH! Ugh...I think I wrote it a bit too hurriedly and horridly (WAAAAH!).
Jay: Hahaha, give up on writing this and do your homework.
Me: Ugh, you're too mean to me. So today I'm going to have a different guest. Presenting...MAKOTO!
Makoto: Hi everybody. Anyone seen the show, Desperate Housewives lately? I must say, those women are less desperate them me in a straight bar HA!
Me: YAY! Gay guys are always so cute (when they're not creepy looking). Did you know, Makoto, that your name even means stereotypical gay? Or so I learned from my religious show, X-Play (I think it really means honest and sincere in Japanese names). And the name Jay means someone thoughtlessly talkative?
Jay: And DragonQuester means Dragon Quest obsessed fan-girl who can't even concentrate on tying her shoes without be reminded of the game she spent 122 hours on her life on?
Me: GASP! It was 122,000 you fool! Don't make fun of me!
Makoto: Tsk, tsk, a girl should do more than sit around and play video games.
Me: WAH! Both of you, stop making fun of me! (takes out overly large and comical looking machine gun and points it at Jay, takes overly small and overly destructive hand grenade and points it at Makoto. Shoots Jay and throws grenade at Makoto) (big blowy up sound here) WAIT! Oh crappo, I killed two characters! Who can replace them both?...wait I have an idea (takes out cellphone) Hello? Michael Jackson? It's me DragonQuester, I was just wondering...can you play two parts?
Ahhh, MJ what would I do without you...other than spare everyone on MJ jokes. ANYWAYS, that's all I can horridly write for now, see ya everybody! And remember, school only sucks cuz about every teacher you know is a vampire! Thanks for the review, KamikazeHikira, and no offense but WHAT WERE YOU PLANNING TO DO WITH YOU BROTHER! I'll start eh...improving (quote, quote) next chapter cuz like I said earlier something sets something else into effect. I'm only doing this kinda funny chapters to move the story on...so keep reading (sniff, sniff) if you want to find out...and to make me feel better.