- Warnings: Oh, the sheer randomosity of it all…
- A/N: Teehee.
PKW: I'm thinking of a soooooong.
Kai: Oh God.
PKW: If you were gay…
Kai: I'm not gay!
PKW: … That'd be OK… Because I'd still love you aaaaanyway!
Kai: You're not listening… I'm. Not. Gay.
PKW: Oh all right. If you insist. Here's Tala to fuck!
Tala: Howdy.
Kai: I'M NOT GAY!
XD
Chronicles Of Max
Chapter 11: They'll Find Us And Eat Our Livers
Saturday 12th April '08
11.23 in the am
I am extremely bored.
No, scrap that.
I'm BEYOND extremely bored. I'm so beyond bored, that even my boredom is bored!
A minute later
"I have an idea," Kai piped up from where he was lay - under Tyson's bed.
Oh God. Please, no. I might be bored, but I really can't stand any madness from him today.
"If it involves fire, seahorses, babies, or knives, then you can forget it," Tyson replied, not looking up from his latest Mother And Baby magazine.
Kai didn't reply.
Meaning that his idea contained one of what Tyson had said.
Or maybe all four.
"I have an idea myself," Tala also piped up from where he was lay - under my bed…
"If it involves orgies, then no," Tyson again replied, still not looking up from his magazine.
Tala didn't voice his idea.
I think Tyson's on a roll, today!
Quite literally, actually. He just tried to get off his bed, mumbling something about nipping to the loo, and he only succeeded in rolling off his bed onto the floor, where he was caught in the clutches of Tala and Kai - the Tickle Brothers.
A minute later
Referring to Kai and Tala as the Tickle Brothers gives off that smell of incest.
Not that incest has a smell.
Or, it might do. I wouldn't know, though.
5 minutes later
My phone rang.
"Hello?" I answered. Tala and Kai turned their attention to me (Tyson finally got to the bathroom, and they've come out of their 'hiding places').
"Max?"
"Again, no. It's the Pope." I don't know why people go 'Max?' when I answer my phone… Who else are they expecting to answer my phone…?
"Is it?"
"No. It's something called sarcasm."
"Are you not human then? Anyway, nice to speak to you sarcasm, but I just wanted to let you know-"
"Can I interrupt you and ask a question?" I asked.
"No."
"I'm going to anyway. Who the Hell is this?"
…
It all went quiet at the other end. I ask a valid question, because the dude on the other end of the line didn't state who he was. I put it on speaker phone so I could get Tala and Kai to 'help' if things started to get a bit mad…
"I'm a seahorse."
Wrong thing for the person to say.
"A SEAHORSE?! WOOOOOOWWWWWW!!! DO YOU HAVE A TAIL, AND DO YOU HAVE BABIES, AND CAN YOU BE MY PET?!" Kai yelled at the phone.
"Kai, calm down!" Tala shouted.
"Yup, they're there," the voice said, and the line went dead.
We all looked at each other.
A minute later
Poor Tyson has just walked out of the bathroom to find Tala and Kai looking at each other nervously, and me looking at them with my eyebrows raised. He has now raised his own eyebrows.
"What's going on…?" Tyson asked suspiciously.
"Maxie received a phone call… From a seahorse," Kai explained.
Tala smacked his forehead.
"No, Kai, it wasn't really a seahorse. It was Spencer… And I'm gathering that he was taking to Bryan just before he put the phone down."
We all looked at Tala in surprise. Even Kai.
"Bryan and Spencer… Haven't heard much from them, recently," Tyson said.
"No, that's because they managed to escape and stay in town," Tala said.
"We need to get in the vents," Kai said seriously.
Me and Tyson stared at him.
"You're right, my seahorse-loving, crazy, sex-obsessed, well-hung boyfriend," Tala agreed.
What?!
"You two," Tala said, pointing at me and Tyson, "get in that vent, now."
He pointed to the one above Tyson's bed.
"Er, hello? I'm a bit pregnant," Tyson pointed out, pointing at his bump.
"We'll squash you in."
Me and Tyson continued to watch Kai and Tala, as they broke their way into the vent. Once they had the cover off, Tala helpfully shoved Kai up there. Personally, I think he just wanted to grope Kai's arse a lot.
"Tell me, why are we doing this?" I asked, as Tala shoved me in the vent.
"Because they'll find us and eat our livers," Kai said, shuffling along the vent, making room for me to shuffle up.
"By 'they', I suppose you mean Bryan and Spencer," Tyson said.
Tala was clearly having trouble getting Tyson in the vent, as there was a lot of moaning and groaning going on back in the room.
"Indeed," Kai said. "If you remember rightly, they tried to split me and Tala up. Then they gave up on that idea, and moved into town. Ever since, they've been sending us signs that they're going to kidnap us and take us back to Russia where we belong."
I was slightly shocked.
Kai had said something normal and not involving seahorses!
And also, Tyson is now in vent - but stuck.
2 minutes later
With a bit of heaving and shoving, Tala has managed to make Tyson move, and is in the vent himself now. I feel like such a prat, scuttling along the vents with 3 very mad friends, one of whom is pregnant.
What if Mariam catches me!
It's unlikely, though, since she's gone into town with Mathilda. If you were wondering where she's gone to… Haha.
12.15 in the pm
"We're going to miss lunch!" Tyson complained as we were still scuttling through the vents.
"It's alright, it means you can lose weight," Tala said from behind him.
"I'm not fat! I'm pregnant! And baby is hungry!"
"Stop complaining and keep moving. I don't particularly like having your arse stuck in my face."
12.35 in the pm
I'm beginning to feel very claustrophobic. Tyson's stopped complaining about missing lunch, but he's cursing under his breath, and Tala doesn't seem to be saying much other than, 'yeah… Hmm… Ok…' every time we pass over a grill along the vent.
Kai, on the other hand, is having a whale of a time. He's singing and everything. Which is not a good idea, as we are in the vents, above everyone's heads.
They will think that we've officially gone mad.
"WE'VE GOT BOOBS!" Kai shouted to us all behind him.
What?!
"Boobs?!" Tala shouted back.
"Yeah! Boobs! Emily's stripping!" Kai shouted back.
Oh God no. He's over a grill, isn't he?! A grill that just happens to be looking down into Emily's dorm! Nooooo!
"Keep moving, Kai!" I say, pushing Kai's voluminous purple bottom.
"Oi, I can see that, Max! Stop touching Kai's arse!" Tala shouts to me.
As I pass over the grill, I can see Emily looking up at the vent, and frowning… She's opening her mouth, opening her door and…
"HELP! THERE'S A BUNCH OF PERVERTS GOING THROUGH THE VENTS!"
Oh fucking fantastic. If Kai had kept his big mouth shut, we might not have been caught.
12.45 in the pm
We've ran - well, crawled - through the vents as fast as we could. We've now stopped over one that just happens to be looking down into McFahrt's room. Tala has gagged Kai by shoving his underwear into Kai's mouth (Tala explained when he ripped them out of his trousers that they had Velcro on them…), and Kai is now happily chewing and slobbering on Tala's pants. Quite disgusting, really.
"Look how saggy they are," Tala said, as he, Tyson and I all stared down at McFahrt (this grill just so happened to be at one where it's in the middle of three passageways - Kai's sat behind Tala, still slobbering).
"That is why I do not like women," Tyson said.
"Not all boobs are like that," I reasoned.
"Yeah, but they get like that eventually," Tyson replied.
"Surely boobs shouldn't be that saggy, though? Hers practically reach her knees!" Tala said.
"Ok, this is beginning to freak me out. There is just something not right about staring down at your Headmistress' saggy breasts," I said.
The other two agreed, and we moved on.
In the school gardens
1.03 in the pm
Air! Space! No Kai's arse in my face!
I don't know WHY we went through all those vents… Just to go outside and lie down under a tree. I just think that Kai and Tala wanted to play 'Mission Impossible'.
"We found you."
Me, Tyson, Kai and Tala turned around to see… Bryan and Spencer. OHMIGOD! Tala gave a little 'eek', and hid behind me.
"You two, with us, to Russia, now," Bryan said sternly.
"Nooooo! I don't wanna go!!" Kai bawled, actually crying.
Once Kai had started crying, that was it, Tala started crying, too. Me and Tyson just watched on with raised eyebrows, as Bryan and Spencer watched them with raised eyebrows.
"How did you find us?" Tyson asked.
"You're not that difficult to spot, to be honest," Spencer shrugged.
I looked at Tyson and his bump. Spencer had a point.
"We just knew that Tala and Kai would think about escaping to the outdoors by going through all the vents," Bryan explained. "So I got Spencer to draw up a map of the route you'd take through the vents," at this, Spencer whipped out a board from nowhere, detailing the exact route we took, "and where you were going to end up exactly." Spencer pointed to a tree drawn on the board.
I have to say it. They are two crazy mother fuckers. And fucking psychic, by the looks of things.
"PLEASE, BRYAN! DON'T MAKE US GO BAAACK!" Tala bawled, crawling along, and latching himself onto Bryan's leg.
"PLEASE, SPENCER!" Kai joined in, and latched onto Spencer's leg.
"On two conditions," Bryan smirked.
"Anything," Tala said, he and Kai jumping up, and all their crying stopped.
"One, you let us in on your crazy shenanigans…" Bryan said.
Oh God… Not more crazy Russians. Please, no.
"Sure!" Tala agreed brightly.
"What's the other one?" Kai asked.
"Tyson has to name his baby after me," Bryan said simply.
"NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!" Tyson roared, rubbing his bump. Tala and Kai promptly zoomed over, and started rubbing his bump, too, and sniffling.
"Please Tyson… We dun wanna go back," Tala said, pouting.
"Middle name. Not first name," Tyson said glaring at Bryan, and Tala and Kai immediately started wooping about, cheering.
"What if it's a girl," I said, pointing out a valid point.
"Bryanetta," Bryan said.
Help.
A/N: LOL.
The next chapter… Will be a bit of an odd one. They have to do a 'choir'-like thing… But, er… You can probably tell that it won't exactly be normal…
On another note: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS! We finally reached over 100 :D 200, here we come!
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