Learning to Live

Disclaimer: The Mortal Instruments series belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 11

No Louder Than a Whisper

(A/N: I swear a Joss Whedon quote and a demand for an update from awesome2extreme. You weren't the only person that demanded an update; you just sort of, I guess, caught me at a right time? –shrugs- Tell me if you can recognize the quote that saved this story from falling into another week without update.)

Jace's hand moved up to curl into her hair. He relished in the feel of her curls around his fingers, the feel of her lips on his, and the way she gasped into his mouth when he slid his thumb underneath the hem of her shirt to brush the skin of her hip. Her hands pressed against his chest. His heart jumped as her hands curled around the fabric of his shirt. He thought that she was going to pull him closer; he was wrong. She shoved. He stumbled back. Tears were in her eyes when she looked back up at him. They stared at one another for a moment. Hurt painted clear in Jace's eyes. Before his guards could snap up, Clary started talking.

"Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard," her voice broke, "And you're not sure if you can ever put them back together again." Jace rolled his lips together and pressed them in a thin line. He wasn't going to let her do this. Put more distance between them. He couldn't stand anymore distance! He was tired of it always being one step forward and two steps back with her. He stepped forward. She could it in his eyes. He had, had the same look that night after the Seelie Court right before he tried to convince her that they could keep a relationship between them. Clary took a step back. "There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again," she motioned between them weakly, "on both sides." With every step she took back, he stepped closer. The determined look in his eyes and her own love for him were weakening her. "You have to learn if we're even the same people we were. If you can fit in each other's lives." Her back hit the wall just beside the archway. He came closer. Her heart knocked hard against her ribs. There was so little space between them and it was messing with her resolve. He raised his hand slowly to her cheek. "It's a long and important process…" Her eyes followed his fingers as they pressed her cheek.

"Yeah?" Jace whispered. Her heart skipped a beat. His fingers slipped back down her cheek and roamed over her bottom lip. He could feel her breath hitting his thumb harshly as she breathed through her mouth. The tears in her eyes bothered him, but he knew that she was forcing herself to say those words, forcing herself to push him away. Fighting between her brain and her heart.

"And…." He ran his fingers across her throat in a gentle caress. She stuttered, "a-and…" She licked her lips nervously. His eyes darted down to linger there. His pupil spread over the gold. Desire was plain in his eyes. Her breath started to come out heavier and, just like that, she fell to her heart's screaming. "Ca-can we just skip it?" She asked. Her eyes darted down to his lips as his tongue darted out and ran along his bottom lip. His teeth pulled his slightly wet lip into his mouth. Clary swallowed and glanced back up into his eyes that were still boring into her own. "C-can you just be kissing me again?" His hand fall from her neck to her waist. He pulled her off of the wall and closer to him so that her body is flush against his. She grasped his waist in surprise; her fingers wrap around the waistband of his work out pants, pinching what slack the pants had together in her hands. If it bothered him any, he didn't show it. He simply smirked.

"Was planning on it," he told her. Clary kept her eyes on his golden until their lips touched. For once, she had nothing smart to say in return. She only cared for the feel of his lips on hers and the heat of his kiss. They part only to allow a small gasp of breathe between them before they meet again. She moved her hands from his hips to wrap around his neck.

"So," she started breathlessly; her eyes involuntarily darting down to his lips which were still parted. She swallowed, "you said something about endurance training?" She breathed; the moment the question escaped her lips she realized how it could be taken. A brief, incredulous chuckle escaped his lips. She pulled her body away from his slightly and rubbed the back of her neck. She gave a small, embarrassed chuckle. "I meant, uh…"

"I know," Jace chuckled. He stepped away from her; only leaving his hand on hers. He pulled her gently with him. He was walking backward away from her. She smiled softly at him. He smiled back. "I was thinking about you, not being able to stand very long." Her smile faltered. It was a sensitive subject. "So, I thought that until you get your strength back up, we could use the stamina rune and train you…like running and sparring, but nothing too strenuous." Clary tilted her head. It sounded like a good idea; so, she nodded.

"I like the idea, but not right now. I think I've had my exercise for today," she said.

"Yeah," Jace muttered, trying to think of something they could do together that wouldn't involve anything strenuous or trying to her right now. Suddenly, he got a brilliant idea. "Come on," he said, motioning with a small tilt of his head toward the archway. Clary raised her eyebrows but let him pull her out.

"Where are we going?" She asked as he tugged her down the hallway.

"We," he looked over his shoulder at her, "are going to have a picnic."

"In the greenhouse?" She asked hopefully. He nodded. She couldn't stop the grin that drifted onto her lips; she tightened her hand around his. He squeezed her hand back and smiled. They were finally moving forward.

The greenhouse was just as beautiful as she remembered it. All of the flowers were still in bloom. The star-shaped yellow one that she had first noticed all those years ago seemed to welcome her back. She ran her fingertips gently over the petal. She could feel Jace just behind her, watching her. She let her hand fall from the small flower and turned to him.

"Same place as last time?" She asked. He nodded, unable to speak. The soft lights of the greenhouse seemed to light up her red curls and created a fiery halo around her head. Her green eyes were sparkling with enjoyment and love for him. For a moment, he entered the idea that Magnus had somehow made her part fae. So beautiful and captivating, but deadly. She eased down onto the grass and looked up at him. Her head was tilted to the side, the look in her eyes curious. "You alright?" She asked. He forced those ideas from his head.

"Yeah," he finally spoke as he eased himself down across from her on the grass. He set the bag they had filled with food onto the ground. The contents of this bag were the same as the first time—cheese sandwiches and apples. Both couldn't help but hope the ending of that night went a little better than the first one. Clary nibbled on her sandwich as she fell back into that night.

She had stepped back to avoid the knife on the ground, but she had somehow ended up in Jace's arms. When she had been sleeping, she wore she had been able to feel the pressure of his lips against hers and the taste of apple on her tongue. She looked across the small space and met Jace's golden eyes. He smiled; she returned it without a trace of hesitation.

"I love you," Clary breathed sincerely. Jace blinked in surprise; his hand loosened from around his sandwich for a minute before a blinding smile graced his lips. Her heart skipped as the smile traveled up to his eyes. She suddenly wanted to tell him every single minute of every day. He leaned across the small space, while she was mesmerized by his smile, and kissed her. It was during the kiss that she realized this was the first time she had said it to him without anger. She had never told him she loved him before. She let the small remainder of her sandwich slip from her fingers and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her knees brushed the bag as she sat up on them. He smiled against her lips and wrapped his arms around her waist. He was telling her without words that he loved her too, but…she had already known that.

Jace had proved his love for her. Yes, he had made mistakes, but no man was perfect. No relationship was perfect. And the truth of the matter was she treasured what they had too much to let it slip away. To let her trust issues get in the way. She let her hands slide to his shoulders before retracing around his neck. As her fingers brushed each side of his neck, she could feel his pulse hammering against her hands. She knew her heart must be pounding in tandem with his. He pulled away from her before she could wrap her arms around his neck again. He pressed his forehead to hers.

"I love you too, Clarissa Adele Fray," Jace whispered back to her. She smiled happily up at him. Jace was distracted for a moment by the beauty of it. Her green eyes seemed to sparkle just for him. She pecked his lips quickly and smiles coyly before he can kiss her again.

"I know," she says. He chuckles and leans back. A small squeal slips from her lips as he lifts her off of her knees and onto his lap. Her legs are thrown to the left of his hips. The bag-now containing only apples-was forgotten. Her cheeks were red when she looked back up at him. He skims his lips up her neck before places a gentle kiss on her pulse point. She tries to tame her blush as he pulls his head back to look at her. His golden eyes are dancing and instantly she knows her attempts at hiding her embarrassment are useless. He knows good and well how he is making her feel. He smiles, but doesn't tease her much to her surprise.

It's not that he can't think of anything to say, but because he doesn't want to ruin this moment. He had waited so long to simply have her in his arms like this. There was no way he was going to do anything to jeopardize this. He holds her closer and rests his head back against her shoulder. Her red curls tickled his forehead. He breathes in.

Clary smiles slightly and lifts her hand to his head. She runs her fingers through his blonde hair. She can feel that there is nothing wrong with him; the air is too content and peaceful. She allows it to seep into her; slowly, her racing heart calms. She leans against him and tilts her head so that it rests on his. She moves her hand down to the arm that is thrown around her waist. She traces the same runes that Isaac had traced into her hand, unaware that she's tracing ones Jace doesn't know until he asks her quietly what they are. The silence of the green room is broken a few times by his questions and her quiet explanations. They keep their voices low as if a tone louder would shatter this moment.

(A/N: I know this chapter is short, but I wanted this to be a complete Jace/Clary chapter. Plus, over the weeks I haven't been updating, the Jace/Clary moments were the only parts I was proud of. Seriously, this chapter has been edited and edited. I've been so picky lately. I'll try to crank out another chapter. This story is probably going to wrap up soon. Reason: My stories can only be mushy for so long before I go and ruin it all. It feels just so wrong to do that to Jace and Clary who, frankly, were put through enough by the amazing Cassandra Clare. And then by me. Now, I feel bad for what I did to them. I literally put the characters through hell. Don't they deserve a mushy, happy ending? Not now of course because there are still some questions that need to be answered like what the fuck Isaac is doing, but you know.)