Title: And Then there were Tears
Rating: (Ponders) uuuuuuummmmmmmmm…maybe PG-13 for this chapter. This is the mind of a fifteen year old girl, remember?
Author's note: At the end
Chapter 11: Of That which Beats
She picked it up. "Hello?"
"Dana! Oh my God, you won't believe what happened!"
"Charlie?"
XXX
"Sorry, I would have called earlier, but I'm just now home alone and they would have killed me if they knew I was calling you 'cuz it's…"
"Charlie, you're rambling. Just tell me what happened."
He sighed, trying to steady himself. "Okay, a couple days ago, before dad got home, well when dad got home…anyway, me, Bill and Mom got in the car to go to the ocean, and Melissa stayed home to do a '4-H project'."
Dana could hear the sarcasm in the last two words. She knew exactly that Melissa did something, or rather someone, else other than 4-H.
"So…okay, then what?"
"Well, dad came home that day. We really went to the airport to pick him up, not the ocean. Mom wanted it to be a surprise. Melissa had no clue and she thought we were going to be out all day...so we came home and…"
Dana's eyes widened. "You're kidding me."
"Nope."
"What happened?"
"We all came home and mom went up to Melissa's room to find her trying to quickly dress herself and Jared Hicks hiding in her closet."
"Oh my God! Serves her right, though. Mom always thought she was the 'good girl', when she really hasn't been a virgin since she was 13. I was just waiting for the day when mom was gonna catch her."
"True, maybe mom'll take us for our word for a change. Now do you see why Dad wants you home so bad?"
"I can't wait to see him, now that he won't give Missy any attention, except for one-on-one lectures." She snickered after that.
"She's had half a dozen already."
"Why did you wait to call me now?"
"Everybody went to church, but I stayed home claiming sick."
"You always were good at that. I could never pull it off." She heard Mulder approach her.
"Who's on the phone?" he asked, standing next to her.
"My brother, Charlie."
"What?" Charlie asked.
"I'm talking to Mulder. He's the guy I told you about."
"Oh, so know you're telling people about me?" Mulder chided, smiling.
"Mulder…"
"Is he nice? Are you guys friends?" Charlie asked.
"No, he's mean and he beats people up," she replied with stern sarcasm.
She could feel her brother roll her eyes. "You are just a barrel of laughs, Dana."
She giggled. "We're friends, Charlie. Why do you care so much?" She felt Mulder nudge her shoulder. She looked at him and he mouthed something.
'Just friends?'
She wondered why it was so important for him not to say it aloud.
"Just wondering," Charlie answered, obviously trying to put two and two together.
She heard footsteps and turned to see Aram and the twins coming down the stairs, Leslie carrying the Monopoly board.
"I got to go, Charlie."
"Alright. I can't wait until you come home."
She didn't know how to respond to that. She could not agree or disagree.
"Bye."
"Bye, sis."
She hung up and she and Mulder went into the living room to join the rest of the family.
XXX
By late afternoon, the game had been finished, with Madelynn owning all of the properties. The rain had ceased, and Aram decided to take them all out to eat.
"I hope you're all in the mood for pizza," he chided as he pulled on his coat.
The girls looked up at their father and gasped. "Teddy's?!" they cried simultaneously.
He smiled and nodded, kneeling down to help Leslie with her jacket zipper.
Dana said nothing. She was afraid to go out into public, but not for herself; she was afraid for Mulder. Knowing he was a town outcast, she didn't know how he would do in public in a family setting.
"'Teddy's'? I never heard of it," Mulder said.
"It's not actually called 'Teddy's', but that's what I call it because my friend owns it. We've known each other since we were kids. He was my best man at my wedding."
Nobody said anything as he grabbed his car keys and turned off the lights.
"Okay, let's hit the road," he declared, and they all pooled out of the house.
"Can we ride in the bed, Daddy?" Madelynn pleaded.
"Well…"
"Please!"
"Oh, alright, but one of the big kids has to ride with you." He eyed the teenagers.
Dana and Mulder glanced at each other, then back to Aram, not moving from where they stood.
"That's what I thought. Okay, everybody in the bed, and no standing! I want you on your butt at all times, or I'll turn right around and you'll go to bed with no dinner." Of course he was directing this at the twins, but he pointed at the teens as he said this, making the girls laugh.
He got into the driver's side and Mulder went over to the tailgate lowered it, lifting the girls in one by one.
"You two choose a spot to sit down and you stay there for the whole time, 'kay?" Mulder said.
The girls nodded and sat side by side on the left side of the bed, sitting cross-legged.
"Need a leg up?" Mulder asked Dana as she approached the truck.
She looked at him, squinting her eyes and pursing her lips. She grabbed the tailgate with both hands, lifting herself into the bed, taking her seat on a tire in the far end.
"Should have known," he muttered, getting in himself and shutting the tailgate. He sat on the tire next to Dana, checked to make sure the twins were comfortable, then gave the thumbs up to Aram.
They drove off into the now sunny and warm air.
XXX
The girls watched with wonder at the things that passed by. They were tiny, so only their noses peaked over the side over the truck, but they pointed to dogs and waved to people and laughed at things they must have found terribly funny.
Dana looked around too, loving the town she thought was beautiful, but she was really watching Mulder. He sat passively next to her, staring straight ahead (or straight back, for he was in a truck) with his hands gripping the sides of the tire of which he sat. Not the death grip, but his fingers weren't moving like usual. His eyes were squinting slightly, and he had his sad smile on.
She wondered what he was thinking.
"The air is so fresh after a good rain," Dana quibbled.
"Yeah, if you like the smell of fish," he chuckled, shifting slightly.
There was a short pause.
"Are you gonna be okay?" she asked softly.
"With what?"
"You know, eating out with us."
He shrugged. "I guess. Your uncle wanted me to come, so I guess it's okay."
She felt awkward asking, but found herself doing so anyway. "Will people stare?" She asked it so quietly he almost didn't catch it.
He laughed, hard and loud, and her lips parted in confusion.
"You say it like I'm some sort of celebrity who they just found out was gay! I don't get stares, Dana. I'm just avoided. There're a thousand rumors that go around about my sister's disappearance, and my…" He stopped, eyeing the girls. "…well, and me with my personal record, it makes people scared of me and…"
"…what you might do?" she finished.
He nodded.
"They think you…" she lowered her voice and leaned in close to his face. "…that you hurt your sister?"
He didn't back away, keeping his face about an inch away from hers. She inhaled his breath as she stared into his eyes as he searched hers.
They were so green, a greenish hazel that made her continue to gaze into them. She wondered why his eyes changed their color so much, and if they reflected what he felt inside.
"They think a lot of things, Dana. They hear a few tidbits and make an assumption, taking it as the God's-honest truth. But ignorance and people go hand in hand, and for the longest of times I thought you couldn't have one without the other."
She backed away slightly. His voice was steady and intense, and she thought he was angry.
She watched his irises fade to a grey hazel, and he swallowed before he said:
"But that was before I met you, and before you proved me wrong."
She smiled and scooted closer to him. They now sat as close as two people could sit next to each other. Their legs rested plastered together, along with their feet. Their hands entwined a tops their pieced-together legs, and they leaned their heads in to rest upon the other.
"Thanks," she whispered, letting out a sigh, appreciating the closeness.
He snorted in jest, and she could feel him smile, his big, toothy, crooked smile that she was beginning to love.
"You need to learn to not say either 'sorry' or 'thanks' after someone says something to you."
"Sorr-," she began to say, then laughed and turned to look at him.
"Maybe I do need to work on that," she said, soaking up his smiling face and returning one herself.
Leslie and Madelynn kept sneaking glances at the couple, wondering.
Madelynn cupped her hands around Leslie's ear and leaned in. "What are they talking about?" she asked, whispering harshly.
Leslie drew back and had her sister turn her head, placing her hands around her ear in the same fashion, whispering, "I don't know. Maybe they're gonna kiss."
They giggled and watched the trees go by.
"Love birds," they said aloud, not intending for the 'bigger kids' to hear them.
But the words were spoken loud enough and Dana and Mulder could have heard them, but the world had melted away for them and all there was was them, and sharing that long moment simply together and inseparable.
XXX
The party got back to the house around 7:30, full with pepperoni and cheerful from a splendid evening of conversation over dinner. The girls were wound up, but their father made them get ready for bed anyway.
As the girls went upstairs to put on their pajamas, Mulder and Dana finished up the remainder of the dirty dishes, then went to the living room to join Aram.
He was sitting casually on the recliner chair, reading the newspaper with his glasses on. He appeared particularly engrossed in whatever article he was reading, but the teens simply sat on the couch, each reserving an entire cushion to ones' self.
Sighing, Aram leaned forward, folding the paper and taking his glasses off, setting them on the table next to him. He rubbed his eyes slightly, and repressed a smile, one of which Dana and Mulder were unaware was threatening to peak through.
"I'm gonna go and make some coffee. Would you like some?" He asked, nodding in Mulder's direction.
"Yes, thank you."
He got up and left the room, allowing them to scoot closer to one another. They weren't touching, but now if Dana would have moved her knee the slightest to the right, it would have collided with Mulder's.
Dana thought it was weird, weird that she could feel more comfortable closer to someone than further away. She liked alone time, even away from Charlie, but now she'd didn't want to even think of going on that plane home. She had fallen into this comfort zone around Mulder, something of which she never known before, and wondered what life would be like without it, now that she had experienced it.
"Why didn't Aram ask you for coffee?" Mulder asked, turning to face her. Their faces were close, and she could feel his warm breath wash over her lips and neck.
She studied his face, liking it being close to hers. She only took a half a second to observe his nose, his chin, his hair, his lips, finally settling on his eyes. She decided she could look upon his face until the end of time.
"I don't like it. I told him so a few days ago. He thinks I'm nuts."
"I'll second him on that. I never met somebody who didn't like coffee; anybody other than a kid, that is. Are there any other oddities about you."
She stared at him. 'Anybody other than a kid…' He didn't consider her a kid, and it was nice. Teachers and adults always thought of her as mature, but kids her age thought she was a baby; she was a book girl, who didn't go out on the weekends and didn't have a boyfriend. But Mulder had thought her a graduate when he first met her. Someone who was even older than him! She liked being viewed as an equal, and liked Mulder for being the first to notice that.
"Well, nothing beats a good mud bath."
He threw his head back and laughed, and she couldn't help but giggle herself. Everything Mulder did was infectious; when he cried, when he laughed, even when he was simply placid. Every bit of his emotions rubbed off on her.
"Really?" he stuttered, wheezing from his sore vocal cords.
"Really. Not only lying in the rain is what I call fun; it's the rolling in the mud afterward that's the real joy of a good rain. And mud fights with your little brother are an added bonus."
Sighing, he put his face in his hands, rubbing slightly, as if he could wipe the laughter off.
It didn't work, because when he looked up, his eyes were moist and sparkling, his crooked grin taking up half his face.
The girls came parading down the stairs and into the kitchen. Dana could hear them proclaiming that they had brushed their teeth and wanted to be read a story.
"Why don't you ask Dana?" she heard her uncle say. In a matter of two seconds, they were crawling into her lap.
"Story, Cousin Dana! Story!" they chanted.
She sighed and looked over at Mulder who was still smiling.
"Okay, but Mulder's gonna help me, alright?"
They both nodded, squealing victoriously.
"Let's go pick out a book." She lifted the kids off her lap and planted them on the ground, watching them run upstairs. She and Mulder walked side by side, taking their time as they crossed each step. Reaching the room, they found the twins in their beds. Leslie was holding a Dr. Seuss book.
"What do you got there…?" Dana asked, plucking the book from her arms. "And to Think that I Saw It on Mulberry Street, ooh, this is a good one."
"It's my favorite," Leslie muttered.
She sat down on the ground and Mulder sat down next to her.
"Friend Mulder, do you want to read the first page?" She handed him the book and he took it from her.
He opened the book as if he never touched a children's story, or hadn't in a long time. He looked upon the girls' eager faces, then back down at the page, clearing his throat slightly. Only slightly, because only Dana could hear it.
"When I left home to walk to school,
Dad always says to me,
'Marco, keep your eyelids up
And see what you can see.'"
XXX
The two left the girls tucked in and droopy eyed when they finished the story and left the room. When they got downstairs, Aram handed Mulder a steaming coffee mug.
"It's black; I didn't know what you liked."
"Black's fine," he replied, taking a tentative sip.
"Thanks for reading to my daughters. They've told me how much they've enjoyed it."
"No problem," Dana said.
"Well, I'm getting ready for bed. Today just wore me out."
"Can I run to the store and get a soda?" Dana asked as he started to walk away.
He turned and looked at her, then glanced at the clock on the wall.
"It's after eight," he stated morosely, his face sunken and dry.
She was dumbfounded.
A smile cracked on his face and he chuckled. "I'm just fooling! There's change in my coat pocket. Fox can go with you, but I want you back in fifteen, okay?"
They nodded and he went into his room, shutting the door behind him.
"I'm gonna go upstairs and get my jacket," she said, starting up the steps.
"It's right over there on the rack," he said, pointing at the thin sweater hanging next to the rest.
She smiled. "No. I mean the one you lent to me."
He stared at her and one side of his mouth turned upward into a smirk. "If you keep wearing that thing, I'm gonna have to give it to you."
She rolled her eyes and trotted upstairs. She returned, throwing the coat around her shoulders. She dug a couple quarters out of her uncle's coat pocket, watching Mulder make his way toward the door.
"Let's go," he said opening it for her.
"Wait, what about your coffee?"
"Finished it."
She raised her eyebrows. "And I thought you only ate pizza fast."
He shrugged. "I'm not one for enjoying food."
She walked out the door and he followed her.
"Why?"
He looked down at his feet. "Before my parents got divorced, and before I was hospitalized, the only time we were all together was at the dinner table. I hated the cryptic silence with a few moot comments thrown in, so would just eat as fast as I could so I could go to my room, or Samantha's."
"Which one do you live with?"
He didn't look up. He didn't speak until they were walking on the pavement.
"My dad. He moved out and got a small house, only a couple miles away from mom, actually. My dad's not home a lot, so I live with him, or in his house, rather. I visit my mom during the summer; she has a summer house in Rhode Island that she won during the divorce. I'm just waiting for that call. She seems to like me a little bit more than dad, but, no matter who's house I'm in it's always cold. Except for your uncle's house; it's always warm. And I've never felt that since I was twelve."
He looked up and met her gaze, smiling his sad smile. She edged over and walked even closer to him, if that was possible. They were quiet for a time, just breathing in the air, and Dana could swear that she could hear Mulder's heartbeat, rushing streams of lively blood through his whole body.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
Lively. That's the only way she could describe it. She found it odd how his mere heartbeat was like a lullaby to her, soothing her into a surreal, dreamy-like state.
"Look, Dana," he murmured, pointing over to a break in the tree line. She turned her head to see the sun start to set, slipping gently behind the horizon, waving farewell with its streams of pink, red and orange.
"Oh, wow. It's beautiful." As she continued to stare, she felt his hand slowly slip into hers.
She looked at him. Not in bewilderment, but he must have thought so because he started to pull his hand away.
"Sorry. If you don't want to in public…"
"No." she pulled his hand back into her grasp. "I'm glad for the gesture. I want you to hold my hand."
He nodded, but still didn't seem entirely convinced. To reassure him, she rested her head on his shoulder, or rather against his shoulder. She sometimes hated being so short, and this was one of those times.
She pushed that thought aside, however, feeling the vibration of Mulder's sigh on her ear. His arm was warm, and the pumping of his blood was now amplified.
Whoosh.
Whoosh.
Whoosh.
She wanted to lean further into him, but was afraid she'd push him into the road. She remembered when she would lean on her father's shoulder, as they watched TV or sat in a boat on a lake, waiting for fish to bite. She knew what blood sounded like, what a heart sounded like, and how it could make you fall into a pool of complete placidity and safety. But Mulder was different than her father, and those same words meant different feelings all together. She suddenly realized how one word could mean so many different things when you consider different people.
And maybe it wasn't all people. Maybe it was just Mulder.
They passed the playground where they first met and Dana looked across the way to observe it, feeling drawn for some reason. She found Mulder was staring at it too. There were a few children playing in the dusk of the day, becoming muddy from rolling and stomping in the dampened soil.
She looked over to the swing set to see a boy and a girl, probably six or seven, sitting on the same swings as she and Mulder were on. They weren't swinging, just talking.
She smiled at the sight and could feel the rumble in Mulder's body as he spoke.
"What do you think they're talking about?"
She knew who he was referring to.
"Who knows, but I bet she isn't calling him James Bond."
He chuckled, and she felt it come up from deep within him.
They reached the store and she did part with him to get her soda and pay for it. She slipped her hand back into his as they walked out, throwing the cap away and drinking with one hand.
"Wow, you were really thirsty," he commented, watching her suck it down.
She came up for air and threw a look at him. "It's a soda. I crave them all the time, especially since we don't keep it in my house at home. It's a summer drink for me, or a holiday drink."
He nodded and they said nothing for a while. Dana finished the Coke and threw the empty bottle in a nearby trash can.
"Think it's been fifteen minutes yet?" Mulder inquired, looking at the darkening sky.
"I doubt it's been even ten."
"You want to sit for a while?"
She pursed her brow. "Where?"
He pointed towards the playground, which was now empty, the swings hanging lifelessly. It really looked like a graveyard, solemn and deathly silent, the large trees that incased it looming over as if they could swallow the gloom.
"It's awfully dank and dreary; what are we waiting for?" She let go of his hand and half ran, half walked toward the swing set, splashing mud up onto her shoes and pants.
He followed, shoving his hands in his pockets. He sat down next to her on the swing.
"The rain left this place a mess," she said, glancing around. Although it was shadowed and wet, it didn't seem so gloomy when you were inside it. Birds sang and the first of the tree frogs started to chirp, calling for mates.
"Why did you want to sit here?" she asked, turning towards him.
He wasn't looking at her, but at his feet. He shrugged. "I sit here a lot. When you leave, I want to be able to remember you when I sit here. I want to be able to sit here and imagine you're sitting here beside me, just talking and smiling and being my friend."
"Mulder," she whispered, beckoning him. He looked up to see her face, forlorn and yet happy.
"I'm here with you right now; I'm not just a memory yet."
He grinned, bringing his hand up and placing it on her cheek. "No, you're not."
She rested her hand on top of his, and took long blinks, feeling sleepy, but in a good way.
They sat there for what seemed like an age, just taking each other in.
"Dana?" he spoke, the word barely audible, seeming to float on the gentle breeze. It grazed her eardrum like dew on a rose petal in the misty morning. She opened her eyes, just realizing that she was, in fact, drifting off. She met his gaze, staring into his deep, hazel eyes. They were dilated and glossed over.
He opened his mouth to speak, but she took her hand off of his and put a finger to his lips.
She knew what he was asking and smiled faintly. "Friend Mulder, you don't have to ask any more."
He smiled.
She dropped her hand and allowed her lids to slide close and tipped her head upward slightly and waited.
She didn't have to.
His lips met hers, soft and feather light, a simple contact of flesh upon flesh. Then his lips then parted ever so slightly, just to close again, teasing her bottom lip with the gentle squeeze.
His mouth opened again, but this time she did likewise. She closed it lightly around his upper lip as he tickled her bottom one once more.
He then brought his lips back to center and kissed her closed-lipped, applying a small amount of pressure. He remained for a time, slowly stroking her cheek with his thumb.
He then pulled back and opened his eyes. He studied her face for the split-second that her eyes remained shut; her flaming hair, pale skin, faded, red lips that he now knew were soft and malleable, her long, defined eyelashes and faint freckles that trailed across her nose and cheek bones.
Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at him, feeling that warm sensation like waves inside her body. All she wanted to do was huddle her face into his chest, letting him hold her, feeling his warmth seep into her.
She watched his face, with a small grin upon it, as his thumb still stroked her face, tangling with her hair slightly.
And as if noticing the newfound texture of her fiery locks, her directed his line of vision from her eyes to where his thumb met the tiny filaments. He adjusted his hand to bring his fingers up, brushing her hair behind her ear. He did this slowly, delicately, seemingly engrossed in what he must have considered tedious work.
Dana scanned his face, seeing a million things running across his mind, just to be replaced with even more thoughts.
"Dana?" His voice was hardly above a breath.
"Yes, friend Mulder?"
His gaze met hers again. He lifted his free hand and brought it up to have the palm face her.
"Bring your hand up to mine."
She obeyed, placing her palm to his, having the fingers line up exactly.
She studied their hands, how white her skin was compared to his, how much longer his fingers were, and their thickness. But, most evident, was the energy that surged from his flesh to hers, and she found herself pressing into his hand, to get the most contact.
He pressed back, for he must have been receiving the same energy from her.
How did he know that hands can kiss too? Or did he know? Could it just have been…instinct?
She smiled and faced him again, finding the faintest of smiles in his features.
He shifted his fingers slowly to have them vine around hers. She kept hers extended for a moment longer, then bent them to hold his hand back.
"We better be heading back, Dana; the sun has set." He shifted his eyes to the horizon behind her.
She turned her head to see the last of the golden-orange sphere disappear. She heard the creaking of chains as Mulder stood up. He pulled her up with him and she stood next to him, her small feet nearly encased in the soft, cool mud.
"We better run if we want to get back by your uncle's curfew," Mulder remarked.
"I'll race you," Dana said slyly.
He stared at her and smirked, in partial disbelief, but was soon proven wrong when she released his hand and took off toward the street, laughing.
For split second, he stared at his now splattered jeans from her wake, then tore after her, laughing just as joyfully.
XXX
Dana Scully awoke with a smile on her face. She gazed out her window to see the soft yellow rays shine upon her, warming her. She turned to lie on her back and stared at the ceiling.
Mulder had left earlier than expected last night. After they reached the house, half exhausted, he said a quick goodbye and left, saying that he needed to meet up with his father at his house.
She went into the house and instantly got ready for bed. She brushed her teeth and threw some pajamas on and crawled into bed.
She blushed as she stared at the milky swirls. She had slept on her side that night, and pretended that Mulder's body was spooned around hers, his arms wrapped around her middle, pulling her close to him. She was slightly ashamed of this, but not overly so. She knew it was a childish, immature fantasy (that was the part she was ashamed of) but it was a nice fantasy all the same. And the fact that it wasn't real made it all the better. She knew she wasn't ready for anything of that extreme nature, but she also knew that no other boy would be in the picture when the time came.
She arose and slipped her slippers on, and looked at the clock. 7:44 A.M. She sneaked downstairs and found no Aram. She spied a note on the dining room table.
She picked it up:
Rin-Tin-Tin,
I had to leave early for work for a business meeting. Please take care of the girls (and Fox when he comes over).
She smiled. When he comes over. There was no "if" anymore.
And gather the mail when it is dropped off. If your letter is in there, I'm sorry. We will all miss you, Dana. I hope there will be time for a proper goodbye, depending on the time on the ticket.
With love,
Aram
And, as if on cue, she heard the sound of and engine and peeked out the widow, seeing the postman drive away, leaving the lid to the mailbox slightly ajar.
She didn't know how long she just stared at that tiny white mailbox across the street, outside that double-paned, large widow with the fluffy, white curtains, but she finally moved from where she stood and went outside, walking along the gravelly driveway. Any other time, she would have noted how weird the little stones felt when pressed upon with slippers, but her mind was locked on the tiny little mailbox.
She finally reached it, and stood there for a few long, stretching moments. And with a shaky, tentative hand, as if it was going to burn her, she slowly grasped the handle and swung it open.
A single envelope, thick and slightly bulging.
She picked it up and read the outside.
Tears fell upon the envelope, smudging the ink that indicated that it held one airplane ticket, one way to San Diego.
XXX
Author's Note: Wow. Long time since the last update, hence the long chapter :). Sorry this chapter ends with such a sad note. Because I'm apparently going through some SERIOUS writers block, I won't set any kind of deadline for the next chapter. Hope you enjoyed reading this and please review!!!!!