AN: Last scene is lemon, you know the drill by now.
This chapter is about twice as long as my average chapter, but I assure you, it is all worth it. It did not feel right to split this chapter up, as everything builds up to the end, and interrupting it would just not have worked. This is probably the most emotional chapter I have worked on so far, and the reason for it taking so long to finish is because my beta and I wanted it to be just right.
Speaking of my beta, I demand that you all love her. And give her cookies. Because she is positively amazing~ and you can thank her for this chapter being as awesome as it is. It is because of all of her urgings and suggestions that this chapter be the best damned chapter EVER. ^_^
Aruiteku Together Forever – Chapter Eleven
She heard voices; people whispering to each other - not Whispers - these were normal, innocent voices. Someone hushed them, and there was a lot of rustling, then a door closing. It seemed whoever had told them to be quiet had also told them to leave. Her hand felt warm. Slowly, she opened her eyes, squinting against the fluorescent light above her.
Someone's head moved into her field of vision, blocking the light as well. Though he was in shadow, she recognized the person as Sousuke. She squeezed his hand then reached up to tug on his arm, pulling him closer. When he pulled back, she growled, but when he moved to lie beside her, she quickly forgave him. He held her tight against his chest and she could feel his whole body lightly shaking. Was he afraid?
"Sousuke?"
He kissed her on the top of the head and began running his fingers through her hair. He pressed his lips against her ear and whispered softly, "How are you feeling, Kaname?"
"I have a headache," she muttered, her voice bitter. He shifted until he lay on his back, draping her across his body. He rubbed gentle circles around her temples, tracing his thumbs across her brow in hopes of soothing away the pain. She let out a content sigh and snuggled against him.
Her hair tickled his nose. It was a familiar sensation - one he had come to enjoy. At the moment though it was a distraction; one he smoothed away absent mindedly. He saw the nurse watching them curiously, and he heard the faint sound of their classmates buzzing outside of the office. Thanks to his exceptional hearing, he was able to make out enough pieces of their conversation to know what they were talking about. He chewed on his lower lip thoughtfully.
There was no way things could ever return to normal now. Most of their class had already taken to calling Kaname 'that freak,' and other less-than-kind terms. The story was quickly spreading across the school; no doubt being blown out of proportion. It was bad enough that she had blurted out information that only specially trained military personnel should know - who could say just what else their imaginations could add? He knew that their closest friends were trying to stop the gossip, but it was far too entertaining a story for their efforts to have much effect.
It had not taken long for people to jump on Kaname's newfound intelligence coming to her dishonestly. Many of her classmates had already been jealous of her knowledge that had seemed to come from no where, now they were outright furious. Sousuke had the feeling they would be waiting until night had fallen before they would be able to leave the nurse's office without being jumped on. Questions, anger, spite, laughter, suspicion - there were far too many things he needed to avoid.
Things had finally come to the point he had dreaded. It was only a matter of time. Sousuke was not a particularly optimistic person and had planned for this, but he was still regretful. Kaname's hearing was not all that bad either; she could hear the louder, angrier of the comments coming from outside. She was fighting back her tears and felt overwhelmingly frustrated, not wanting to let her classmates get to her in the way that they were.
It did hurt, though. It was like junior high all over again; except in junior high, she had been able to calm herself down and become more of a 'proper' Japanese girl. She could not stop being a Whispered - despite all of her wishes that she could just be normal. Sousuke wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. He wanted ever so badly to be able to say "It is not a problem" to her… to have the ability to tell her that everything would be all right. He could not, however much he wanted. There was absolutely nothing he could say that would make her feel better.
It had been a long time since Sousuke had felt helpless. He did not like it - not at all. There was nothing he could say to Kaname. There was nothing he could do about their classmates. He could not explain their situation to a horde of civilians. Kaname was safer if they just thought she was some sort of freak than if they knew exactly what she was. He hated not being able to do anything for her, and it was tearing him apart inside.
Kaname tried to be strong. She had dealt with rejection and merciless teasing before… this was just too much, though. At least then it was strangers - she could fight that. They did not know her, so what did their thoughts matter? Now, though, it was her friends. People she had laughed with, had fun with, advised, people that knew her and liked her. Now though? She was still the same person, dammit!
But she wasn't - and she knew that. She never could be the same person again. She had been trying so desperately to hold on to her old self and now she felt her walls collapsing in on themselves. Everything she had built up; all of her courage, her self-confidence, everything she had fought tooth and nail for since her mother died - it was all falling apart. She was falling apart. She hated it. She hated being weak like this.
Sousuke held her close and stroked her hair while she cried in his arms. The part of him that wanted to destroy anything that hurt her very much wanted him to take his Steyr SPP into the hallway. His slowly developing more rational side told him that would only make her more upset. That did not stop him from feeling rage, however. He was grateful that he had her on top at the moment. It was much easier to convince himself not to move her around than to not shed some blood.
His fists clenched in her shirt and he bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted copper. Feeling helpless was bad enough; he really did not need to be feeling vengeful as well. He had a feeling Kaname would not like 'Kashim' very much - nor would his superiors at Mithril, and not even Kalinin would be able to bail him out if he killed civilians - particularly on purpose.
Kaname whimpered and began to shift away from him. Realizing he was shaking in fury, he shook his head harshly to clear and yanked her back onto him. He pressed a firm kiss to her forehead and resumed stroking her hair. When Kaname flinched at something that was shouted outside the door, he finally had enough. It was not particularly beneficial; but at this point, their only option really would be to leave school, anyway. So fuck it.
Sousuke growled and rolled Kaname onto her side, swinging his feet off the bed. The nurse looked up from her computer as Sousuke stomped to the door. "Sagara? Sagara what are you doing?"
"Putting an end to this," his voice was sharp and low. The nurse quickly shuffled off to a room in the back to get away from him. Sousuke yanked the door open and anyone that would have tried to push past him immediately thought better when they saw his face. They thought they had seen him angry before - any of the times he thought someone was putting Kaname in danger. Even Mizuki had thought she had seen his worst at hanami.
His current expression made his past outbursts seem like the antics of a fluffy kitten. He had his arms braced against the doorframe - and even though his head was lowered and leaned forward, he seemed somehow larger and taller than he really was. His eyes seemed almost soulless; completely devoid of compassion.
Everything about him screamed 'murderer.'
When he spoke, every syllable felt like shards of ice pricking their skin, and the hallway felt as though it had dropped to the freezing point. "Enough of this! Get the fuck out. Leave her alone. She has done nothing to deserve this. None of you will ever understand what she is going through, so shut the fuck up already. You're really grating on my nerves," he let the unspoken threat hang in the air. He turned to look at each student; none were brave enough to meet his gaze, and finally, they all walked away.
Sousuke closed the door and returned to Kaname, who was shaking and staring at him with wide, frightened eyes. When he tried to brush her bangs away from her eyes, she recoiled, clutching the flimsy sheet to her chest as though the material could protect her. He stayed locked in that position - his hand outstretched and body hunched over, his eyes pleading with her to understand and forgive him.
Her shoulders slumped, and she folded her hands in her lap, looking down at them. She remembered that look he had given her. It was the same look he had in Sunan, the first time he had really rescued her. He had risked everything for her; he was thinking only of getting her to safety, and she had selfishly told him to stay away from her. She had been afraid of him, even though he was doing everything for her. Just like now.
He was protecting her. It was more than obvious how much her classmate's words were hurting her, and he had put an end to it. He even did it without guns, explosives, or knives - yet here she was, afraid of him again because of something he did with only her best interests in mind. She looked up from her hands to see Sousuke standing in the same spot, though he had straightened up. His arms hung limply at his sides and he was giving the ground a rather distasteful glare.
"Sousuke?"
He raised his head slightly, his features softening before he turned to look at her. She reached out and grabbed his uniform shirt, tugging on it. He gave her a faint smile and sat on the edge of the bed beside her, tentatively reaching for her again. She leaned into his hand and let him brush his fingers across her face, tracing her features. "I think we should leave now, while we have the chance," he spoke softly, turning his gaze to the now silent door.
Kaname nodded and squeezed his hand, letting him pull her from the bed and lead her out of the school. They walked home in silence. She was content just to hold on tightly and be dragged home. She really did not want to face anyone at the moment, and Sousuke had made sure they slipped out unnoticed. She stared down at her feet as they walked, paying no attention to their surroundings. She hardly remembered the train ride and honestly could not say just when it was that Sousuke had laid her down on the bed.
"Sousuke?" she whispered his name, hardly moving as he untied the ribbon on her blouse and loosened a few buttons. He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, grunting quietly in response. She was silent for several long minutes, before finally asking "What now?"
He let out the breath he had not realized he was holding, glancing down at her pensive expression. "It depends. We have various options available to us - it's the same as before. We could run from it all or we could make our life with Mithril. We could move onto Merida Island Base. I would be around fairly often as I'm not usually stationed on the Tuatha de Danaan, although I would have to return to full time work," he said that last almost bitterly.
She stared at her ceiling, lost in thought. What kind of life would they lead if they ran away? Not likely one she wanted any part of. Not only would they be running from Amalgam, but they would also be running from Mithril, who would try to hunt down a wayward operative. On Merida, she would be at her safest. Sousuke would not have to worry while he was away. But what about her? She would have so much more to worry about, since he would be on missions far more often.
Then she remembered why it was she had to make this decision. She had entered the Whispered state during class - such a deep trance that she had been talking out loud. Those types of episodes had stayed away unless something triggered them, but this time it had come from no where. She needed to learn why or at least how she could control it. Even though it was obviously past the point of no return, she still clung to a small shred of hope that someday she could resume a normal life. One step at a time, she told herself.
"Merida," she whispered, still staring at the ceiling. "Let's go there," so I can talk to Tessa. Sousuke had a feeling that was the unspoken part. He kissed her temple and slid from the bed. He went over to his communications gear in one of the side rooms, putting on the headset and turning the dials.
When the operator came on, he gave his information, and waited impatiently to be patched through. He knew it had to go through all the systems, and if the TDD-1 was out to sea, then it would take even longer. Really, the communications systems and protocols made this horrendously slow. He just wanted things to get moving, before someone remembered they knew where Kaname lived, or something.
After several minutes, he heard Tessa's calm sweet voice in his ear "Sergeant Sagara?"
"Captain, a situation has occurred," he tried to keep his tone even, but just thinking about the students' reactions made him furious again.
"Oh my, what happened, Mr. Sagara?" while Sousuke had managed to keep his voice cool and even, there was a sharp edge to it that one would only notice if they knew him well enough. For her part, Tessa sounded concerned. There were very few things that ever seemed to shake his composure.
Sousuke eyed the panels distastefully, trying to think of exactly what to say. He knew this was being broadcast in the command center of the TDD-1, and he did not want to say too much about how Kaname was being affected at the moment. "Kaname had an 'episode' during class, and the entire school knows she is not quite like them now. If possible, I would like to take her to Merida Island Base," he wanted to add 'until the situation is resolved,' but he did not hold much hope for that ever happening.
He heard Tessa sigh regretfully. When she spoke up, there was a hint of sadness in her words, "I see. That is most unfortunate. I can arrange a pick-up at 2300 GMT at the earliest. Will you be able to make that?"
Sousuke glanced at the clock. That time would be eight in the morning, which gave them twenty hours to pack, rest, and set straight any business. He figured that they could leave most of their belongings in the same warehouse he had stored most of the boxes when he had been recalled from Tokyo. It would at least give Kaname some hope of being able to return, and it would be a simple enough task to retrieve them if it became clear to her that they couldn't. It was really the only comfort he could offer her in this situation. "Yes Ma'am, that would be plenty of time."
"Very well. We will use route three-B for your return to Merida Island Base," that was the same route Sousuke had used when he had been recalled last October.
"Understood, Madam Captain. Ending transmission," when he got the affirmative, he switched the console off and cleared the passwords. He pulled off his headset and leaned back in the chair, staring up at the ceiling. After a few moments, he rose and headed back into the bedroom. He frowned, seeing that Kaname was still in the exact position he had left her - not even a single wrinkle of clothing had moved. "Kaname?"
Her eyes shifted to look at him, but she still did not move. "Sousuke. When do we leave?"
Seeing her so despondent was eating away at him. Since meeting her, she was everything that made him a good person. If not for meeting her, it was likely he would have left Mithril, frustrated with their Defenders of Justice attitude. Perhaps he would have even worked for a group like Amalgam. In any event, however, she had become his strength. With her, he could do anything; but with her like this, he felt completely useless. It seemed like there was nothing he could do at all. "Tomorrow morning - we'll meet with the transport at eight."
"I see."
"Last year, when I was recalled, I used a warehouse just outside of Tokyo to keep most of my belongings. I was thinking… we could put most of what we pack there, so that we would not have to move it back from Merida." That was it. That was all the consolation he could offer her - and it was cheap - he knew. She knew, too, and she sighed. It was the best she would get, though. She faintly nodded. "All right. I'll begin packing, then."
Hardly an hour later, there was a knock on the door. Sousuke stood from a box he had been carefully filling to answer. Looking through the peephole, he saw Kyouko, Shunya, and Ayame. He opened the door and stared at the three, waiting for one of them to say something. He would not step aside if it seemed like they would cause problems. "Sagara-kun. We just want to check up on Kaname, is she all right?"
He shook his head and turned to let them enter. From their brief greeting, he learned that Kyouko had called Ayame to let her know about what happened, and they had agreed to come over together. When they stepped in, they saw that Sousuke had already packed up a large amount of the living room. Shunya turned to look at him suspiciously, "What is this?"
"We're leaving Japan. Kaname is lying down, if you can get her to move, I would appreciate it. She has not so much as twitched since we got back," his words were clipped and his voice cold. He really did not want to let anyone near her, but perhaps someone who did not understand her situation yet was still kind to her would do her more good than he could. It was all too obvious how terribly suited he was to making her feel better. He returned to packing - not bothering to elaborate any further despite the dark glare Shunya was giving him.
Kyouko and Ayame immediately went to the bedroom. "Kana-chan? Kana-chan, are you alright? I've been so worried since you collapsed, but the nurse wouldn't let anyone near you, and then you guys snuck out of school, and, Kana-chan?" she sat on the edge of the bed and took Kaname's hand. Ayame settled in on the other side of the bed and took her sister's other hand, looking down at her with concern.
"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" she remarked bitterly, the words tasting foul in her mouth. Kyouko didn't deserve her contempt, but it was hard for her not to feel angry at the moment. She was angry at everything. Herself, for being so weak, her classmates, all of them, for shunning her, Sousuke for letting her stay in Tokyo even though he knew this would happen, her family for her being born a Whispered, though it went against all logic to blame them. The last shred of normalcy in her world had just been taken from her.
Kyouko flinched at the harsh words. "Kana-nee, that's not nice! We're all just worried about you!" At Ayame's words, Kaname laughed. It wasn't a happy laugh, but a harsh noise that seemed to be ripped from her throat and it was full of contempt.
"Worried? Worried about me? Why would anyone worry about a freak like me?! Just leave me alone!" she pulled her hands back from the two girls and grabbed the covers, yanking them over her head. She did not want to see anyone. She yelled in outrage and was forced to sit up when the blankets were ripped from her hands, Sousuke looking down at her with an unreadable expression.
"Kaname, do not push them away. They are genuinely concerned for your well-being," his expression softened and he turned his gaze to the floor. "Let them help you, Kaname. They're better at it than I am," he dropped the sheets and walked back out into the living room, leaving the girls staring after him in shock. Kaname shook and she looked down at her hands. He was right. She was being, frankly, a bitch. Here they were, the few people that actually cared about her and were not mocking her for what happened, and she was shoving that kindness back in their faces and saying she didn't need it.
She really, desperately did though. And Sousuke, with that last line, he had sounded so sad. It seemed as though he was, perhaps, blaming himself. She took in a deep breath and sighed heavily. Then, she tilted her head and turned to look first at Ayame, then at Kyouko. "I'm sorry, guys. I guess I'm just not really feeling like myself right now. You didn't deserve that."
Kyouko hugged her close, shaking her head. "No, Kana-chan, it's all right! Just, please, can you tell me what's wrong?"
"I'm sorry. I can't."
"Why not?" that was Ayame. She looked hurt, almost offended, by the fact that Kaname did not seem to trust them. "Sousuke knows, doesn't he?" it was an accusation, not a question. Kaname glared at her sister.
"Yes, he does, but it's a private matter Ayame! I don't want to talk about it, and really, I can't talk about it! It just wouldn't be safe!"
Shunya, who was standing in the doorway, watching and listening, spoke up, "What do you mean, it wouldn't be safe?"
Kaname wringed her hands nervously, not looking up at him. Mentally, she was damning herself for saying that. She hated it when she let things like that slip. "I can't explain it, Dad. Please don't ask me to."
Sousuke came to stand just behind Shunya. "There isn't much I can say, but I can explain a little about the situation, as well as give you numbers of people you may contact, sir," he looked up at Kaname's father. The older man nodded slowly, eyeing him suspiciously. Sousuke glanced at Kaname, who looked shocked, but she gave him her consent when she realized that was what he wanted. "I just got off the line with my superior officers."
"Superior officers?"
"I'm getting to that, sir, please," Shunya went quiet. "I cannot give specifics, but what I can say is that I'm a sergeant in a secret military organization that does not belong to any country. I was sent here to Tokyo last April to begin a mission. That mission was to infiltrate Jindai High School as a student to be close to my target, so that I may guard her more efficiently. That target was Kaname, and to this day, it is still my job to guard her. I cannot say why I am guarding her, though I'm sure you have already concluded that it has something to with what happened in class."
Everyone except Kaname stared at Sousuke for several long moments. "You aren't joking, are you?"
He scowled. "I don't joke."
"That explains so much," Kyouko murmured, and then glanced over at Kaname. "Is that why you were so scared last year, when Sagara-kun disappeared?" Both she and Sousuke winced at that statement. It had been a very rough time for them, and neither wanted to remember it. They still had not even discussed it with each other.
Kaname fidgeted and nodded slowly, "Yeah. There was someone after me, and Sousuke was…" she trailed off.
"I was recalled. It was supposed to be permanent, but," he looked at Kaname. They glanced away from each other and just let it end there. No one dared to ask them again about that time. "Regardless, the situation has changed. After what happened in class today, it is no longer safe for Kaname to remain at school, so I am taking her to base with me. I cannot say where that base is, and it will probably take some time before any kind of meeting will be arranged."
"You're saying this is the last time I will see my daughter in, how long?" Shunya glared at Sousuke, as though accusing him, blaming him for what was happening. Sousuke returned the glare, not appreciating the implications; particularly not when he only had Kaname's best interests in mind.
"Be grateful there will be any meetings at all, sir. Returning to base is Kaname's idea - I gave her the choice - she could have just as easily chosen for us to run away from everything, and if that were the case, you would never see or hear from us again. This is for her good," his tone and expression dared Shunya to argue with him. It was the same insolent expression he had given the Mithril higher-ups when he 'negotiated' his change of contract.
Kaname slowly slipped out of bed and walked over to Sousuke. She wrapped her arms around him and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you, Sousuke," this was the first she heard about the possibility of there being meetings with her family. She had assumed she would be leaving everyone and everything behind. The fact that Sousuke had also asked his superiors for permission to tell those close to her something meant a lot to her. She felt a little better, having someone else know even just a piece of what she was going through.
Sousuke returned the hug and kiss, squeezing her once before letting her go. "It is not a problem," he said, bringing a small smile to her face. Seeing her smile again made him feel better. He nodded to her, and then glanced at the others. "These words, of course, stay between us," they agreed, and Sousuke pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket then handed it to Shunya. "These are the numbers I told you about. It is only because of your position with the UN that my superiors have agreed to give you this chance. Do not betray their good faith. Now, I have to finish packing; we leave in the morning."
"So soon? Kana-nee," Ayame whined, and looked at her sister. Kaname just shook her head and joined Sousuke. Finally, the other three decided to help pack, if only to spend the time they had left together. They loaded their things into the van, Sousuke disappeared for a couple of hours to visit the warehouse, and when he came back, the others had left.
Kaname looked around the now empty apartment, saddened by the deserted sight laid out before her. Their furniture had gone with Shunya and Ayame; all they had for the night was a futon set up in the middle of the main room, Kaname's pink Boston bag packed with what she would need for a few days, and Sousuke's rucksack. "It feels kind of lonely, don't you think?" she asked when Sousuke walked in, not even bothering to look up at him.
"I suppose," it hardly affected him, really. He had packed up and moved so many times that an apartment full of things seemed almost inconvenient. It certainly seemed that way when he packed up earlier, though it really only took him the same amount of time leaving in October had. Of course, back then, he had made it drag out. Kaname settled on the futon and Sousuke joined her. They did not bother to say anything else, and just went to sleep.
Morning came and went, as did the trip to Merida. It was a long flight; made even longer seeming by their silence. It was really sinking in that she was leaving her life behind. She really hoped she would be able to find a way to distract herself while living on a base. If this lonely feeling persisted, especially when Sousuke was gone on missions, she might just go mad. As long as there was something to distract her, she would be all right. That was why she had joined all those clubs, and ran for Student Council Vice President. If she was busy, she did not have to think about anything else.
When they arrived on base, Kurz and Mao were there to greet them. Kurz grinned and flirted with Kaname, trying to cheer her up. Sousuke just growled at him, not amused, and Mao kicked his legs out from under him. "Not the right time, Weber!"
"Aw, but Sis, a little flattery goes a long way towards cheering up a pretty lady, right?" he looked at Kaname for confirmation. The girl just shook her head and handed her bag over to Sousuke when he reached for it. Defeated, Kurz's shoulders sagged. He perked up a little and took the bag from Sousuke, winking at Kaname while doing so. Kurz then led them to a humvee, holding the door open for the girl and giving her a helping hand.
Sousuke shook his head. He was not in the best of moods, and Kurz's antics were grating on his nerves. He did note that Kaname was relaxing, even if just ever so slightly, so he let the blond get away with it. He also knew it should not bother him; Kurz was just being Kurz, but still. He and Kaname sat in the back, Kurz was driving, and Mao turned around in her seat to look back at them. "Sousuke, we took your stuff from the barracks and moved it into an empty officer's quarters. You and Kaname will be sharing one. Tessa was able to get you guys that much, okay?"
"Thank you," he spoke quietly then looked down at Kaname who also nodded her thanks. Satisfied, Mao turned around in her seat. The quarters that had been found for them were far from the runway, since most officers preferred to be close to the places they would need to be. The drive over was fairly long as a result, and dull. Sousuke was never much of a conversationalist, Kaname was certainly not in the mood, and even Kurz knew when to give up.
When they did arrive, they brought everything inside, and then Kurz and Mao left them alone. They had asked if the two teenagers wanted to join them for a late lunch and as expected, they declined. Kaname sat down on the edge of the bed and put her face in her hands. Sousuke put some of their belongings away, just to neaten things up, and then joined her. He slung an arm around her shoulders and looked around. He spotted the rifle case he used to hold his fishing rods and got an idea.
"Kaname?"
"Yeah, Sousuke?"
"Why don't we go to that fishing spot I showed you last year?" he sounded hopeful. It wasn't that he wanted to fish; he just knew she had really liked the spot, and thought perhaps something familiar, with a good memory, would cheer her up. She stirred slightly, and then dropped her hands to rest on her lap as a deep, thoughtful expression crossed her features.
Finally, she nodded, and looked up at him with a small smile, "Yeah. Why don't we bring a blanket, too? I bet the sunset looks beautiful out there."
Sousuke was all too happy to comply. He found a fairly large blanket and rolled it up, then grabbed a bag that held some meals Ayame had prepared for them. The younger girl had grown to enjoy cooking after Kaname's teaching, and had cooked the food they had at the apartment so they would have their meals for the day. He did not even bother to grab the rifle case as fishing was not what they were going out there for.
Kaname followed him to the spot, though it was a rather long and tedious hike out there. He set out the blanket and left the bag nearby. She lay down on her stomach, looking out at the edge of the cliff and the never ending stretch of ocean on the horizon. Sousuke settled down beside her on his back, staring up at the sky. Several hours passed. They had eaten their lunch earlier, and the sun was beginning to set.
They were sitting up on the blanket. Kaname was settled comfortably in Sousuke's lap, looking out at the ocean. The view was wonderful. The clouds were various shades of yellow and red, the sun had a large and powerful presence on the horizon, and the reflection in the water made it seem like sea of flame. She watched the view, mesmerized by the beauty of the scene. Sousuke watched her expressions, not really caring about the sight.
As the sun slowly sank from view, Kaname started crying. The tears spilled from her eyes and her body shook. At a loss, he wrapped his arms tighter around her. She turned in his hold, pressing her face against his chest, sobbing and choking on tears. Sousuke lowered her down on the blanket underneath him, "Kaname? Kaname, what's wrong?"
She shook her head and wiped at her face. She was so tired of crying, she should really be stronger than this. The sun setting, however, had reminded her of when Sousuke had left her. Before she had given him his haircut, they had stood on a bridge while the sun set, talking about how it had been six months since he had arrived at Tokyo. Six months and he had already come to mean so much to her. Now, they had been dating for seven months, and her entire world was changing again.
Perhaps watching the sunset had not been such a good idea. She felt lost in so many ways. She gripped him tightly and looked him in the eyes, "Sou-su-ke~. Don't leave me. Please, don't leave me," the tears threatened to spill from her eyes again. The feeling of despair she had felt when she learned Sousuke had left had returned along with the grip of fear.
Words did not seem appropriate. Sousuke looked down at her, shocked, not understanding where this had come from. All he knew was that there was nothing he could say. Of course he would not leave her, but she knew that. Something told him that there was a hidden meaning to her words. All he could do was show her that he loved her. Surely she believed his love would keep him by her side. He bent his head to kiss the corners of her eyes, then her eyelids, the tip of her nose, and finally her lips.
Kaname pulled back and stared up at Sousuke, her eyes begging him for something, 'what' he did not know, "Please."
He nodded solemnly, running his thumb gently across her cheekbones, "Of course, Kaname. I will never leave you again. Without you by my side, I just," he sighed and remembered his own feelings of despair from that time. "Life just is not worth living without you, Kaname."
She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and fighting back the tears, and when she spoke, there was a trace of helplessness she wished she had the strength to speak without. "When you left, Sousuke, I felt so... So hopeless! There was someone after me and you weren't there. I tried calling you, but I kept getting the message that your line was out of service," she started rambling, her voice taking on a frantic and desperate tone.
Sousuke gathered her in his arms and held her tight, rocking her back and forth. He did not know where the gesture had come from, but it felt right. She calmed herself enough to keep telling her story, "And then, I was sitting in my apartment, I couldn't sleep. The phone rang, but no one was on the line. I was terrified, Sousuke! I ran to your apartment, figuring that even if you weren't there, I could contact the TDD, I knew I could figure out the codes and frequencies, but then…
"Your apartment was empty, except for those CDs I had let you borrow! I felt so, so, so utterly hopeless! Without you, I knew they would get me. I told you, I only trusted you! And you left me!" she punched his chest, the tears that had threatened to spill now flowing freely down her cheeks.
Sousuke felt guilt wash over him. Kaname was right. She had given him absolute trust, and he had as good as told her his orders were more important – that Mithril was more important. That wasn't true, but it was the message he had sent. He cursed himself for his idiocy, for his need to preserve what order he had in his life by doing as he was told. He wished he knew what to say to her, what to do for her, how he could make her feel better. "I'm so, so sorry, Kaname. I should never have left you, I should have been there for you," he trailed off. He could spout 'should haves' all night long and nothing would come from it.
Kaname growled at him and pounded her fists against him again. "Sorry doesn't cut it this time Sousuke! I already told you that, I still haven't forgiven you for that time! I had to take matters into my own hands because you weren't there, you idiot. I'm not trained for that like you are!" she was nearly shrieking now, her voice rising in both volume and octave with her rage. "I had to ask some creep to a hotel so Wraith would stay in one place. That creep didn't listen to me and I had to knock him out then change into the seedy motel bathrobe. I had to guess at what kind of a building would be good for spying from, I was so sure I was going to be wrong!"
As Sousuke listened to this, he felt both overwhelming pride in the strength and courage Kaname had, but also profound guilt. He should have been there. He should have been the one to do the searching, the hunting. Yes, he would have hunted whoever was stalking Kaname back then. Just as he was wondering if Kaname's tormentor was still out there for him to maim, she spoke up again, quietly, as though afraid of her next words. "I found him, Wraith, that is. I was going to ask him some questions, but then he was shot. I guess his disguise helped deflect the bullet, but he was still knocked out. Then she came.
"She shot at me and I thought for sure I would get killed. I ran and I even jumped across rooftops to get away from her. I took off my robe and hid it in some crates and found a place out of sight, but in my stun gun's range. I hesitated for a moment, but I remembered what you told me. After I shocked her, I," she trailed off and a look of pain and disgust crossed her face.
Sousuke wondered just what happened. He was very impressed with her handling of the situation, but it was obvious she still had her ghosts. All he could do for her at the moment was to hold her tight and listen to her story, taking any and all abuse she gave him. "He came. That bastard," he almost missed it when Kaname started talking again. The words came out as a low, quiet hiss of anger. "He had that girl killed by one of his Arastols and it snapped her neck. Then he had the nerve to try to say he was better than you!
"I was so horrified, Sousuke. I know I've seen you kill before, but this was nothing like that. You've always done it in self-defense, or to save me or something. It was in the heat of battle. But this was just cold-blooded murder! It was so, so, disgusting. And scary! Then he, he," she unconsciously wiped her lips at the memory. Sousuke immediately grew concerned by the gesture and he found himself wanting to kill whoever this person was. He never wanted Kaname to see such brutalities, he even felt guilty over the times he had to kill in front of her. This was making his blood boil; he was so furious that someone would steal any more of her innocence than had already been ripped away from her.
"That bastard Leonard stole something from me, Sousuke," her voice was a harsh whisper. Her words tore at him. He wanted blood. He wanted to comfort Kaname. He wanted to know just what Leonard had stolen from her. She wiped her lips again and he remembered something from over a year ago.
"Of course you did something wrong, you idiot! You stole a girl's lips without her permission! Isn't that some kind of rape?!"
Sousuke's blood ran cold. Could Leonard have done that – kissed Kaname? Of course he could have. He did not know much about Tessa's brother, but he did know that he was with Amalgam and that he was probably twisted. There was nothing Sousuke could do about what had happened, but he could try to replace her memories.
They had kissed plenty of times before, of course, but never during such an emotionally charged situation. Kaname swiped at her lips yet again, bruising them. He grabbed her arm carefully and held it to the side when she tried to wipe her mouth once more, then leaned in to kiss her, gently pressing his lips against hers.
Kaname slid her free arm around his neck and pulled him down to rest his weight on her. She lifted her legs, wrapping them around his waist, urging him to press against her more forcefully. He complied, quite willingly, pushing her into the blanket and releasing her arm, kissing her more enthusiastically now. She whimpered into his mouth, and slid her hands under his shirt, needing to feel more of him, to feel closer to him.
Sousuke leaned back and pulled off his shirt, quickly settling back on top of her. She hastily grabbed at him, silently pleading for him to settle back on top of her. He leaned in and kissed her again, softer this time, more gentle. Kaname wrapped her arms around his chest, clasping her hands to rest on his back. He carefully slid her shirt up, his fingers tickling her stomach as he trailed up under the hem. He pulled her into his arms and sat them up so he could remove her shirt.
Kaname wrapped her arms around her chest and looked at him shyly. He had seen her naked plenty of times before and he certainly had never reacted in a way that made her feel worried about what he thought of her body, but at the moment… She was nervous. She was so terrified of rejection just then, worried that perhaps Sousuke would find her disgusting now, knowing that another man had kissed her before he had. Assuming Sousuke had figured it out – it certainly seemed he had, from his actions.
Sousuke reached up to lower her arms gently, murmuring softly, "Don't be ashamed, Kaname. You have nothing to be worried about," well, that wasn't quite true, but he had a feeling she was afraid he would turn her away. She really did not have to worry about such a thing. If she could accept him with all of his own demons, what kind of a person would he be if he could not accept her for hers?
Warily, Kaname let her arms rest at her sides, and the look she gave Sousuke made his chest constrict painfully. Her expression reminded him of himself from what really was not so many years ago, when he never expected any kindness from anyone. She looked as though she expected him to yell at her, belittle her, hit her, any number of things he would never do – could never do to her.
"I love you, Kaname," his voice hitched, catching in the lump in his throat. He swallowed past it and looked at her seriously, hoping she would understand. "I love you, and I want to protect you from the harsh realities of this world. I haven't been doing a very good job of that, but, please," he brushed her hair out of her face and gently cupped her chin in his hand, urging her to meet his eyes. "Let me try? Let me stay by your side, Kaname."
She started crying again. He wondered if he had said something wrong, but she tackled him to the ground, sobbing against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and made gentle cooing sounds, something that just felt natural. As her sobs subsided, she leaned back to look down at him, trying to give him a brave smile, "Of course, Sousuke. I wouldn't want you anywhere else." Kaname bent her head to kiss him and he cradled the back of her head in his hand.
Sousuke tasted the bitter salt of her tears and the odd sweetness of her saliva, thickened from crying so hard and so long. It was a strange mixture, mingling with the usual delicious flavor that was purely Kaname. The new taste stirred something deep inside of him, from the depths of his primal nature. The person that had made his woman like this would pay. For now, though, he had to deal with the matter at hand. All of his baser instincts cried for him to take her, reclaiming her as his own, reassuring her that he was there.
He rose swiftly, startling Kaname into yelping. She was about to ask him what was wrong when his mouth crashed on hers again, fierce and possessive. She wanted to protest against the treatment, but his unclasping her bra and discarding it to quickly claim a taut nipple between two rough fingers turned her into a quivering puddle of pleasure. She whimpered and squirmed; her mind completely shut down and gave into the strength of his will, bearing down on her until she gave everything of herself over to him completely.
He pushed her down on the ground, pinning her against the blanket, removing her shorts and his own pants swiftly along with their undergarments. He claimed her lips again for another searing kiss, stealing her breath away. When Sousuke began nipping at her jaw line, trailing down her neck, suckling on her collarbone, Kaname panted and pressed her body up against him. She tangled her fingers in his hair and tugged, eliciting a groan from him. He brought one of his hands to squeeze a breast, pinching her nipple in a way that had her squirming beneath him and begging for him. He leaned down and wrapped his lips around the other, grazing his teeth against it and swirling his tongue until she bucked into him, pleading.
His other hand trailed down her body, coming to rest between her legs. Kaname parted her thighs with little urging and whimpered again when he started rubbing. She was already quite wet, and he took advantage, teasingly slipping his finger in then out, trailing his hand up slightly to rub her clit briefly, then returning his finger. She wriggled and moaned, arching her hips against his hand, desperate for more.
Sousuke pulled his hand away, licking his fingers clean before settling completely on top of her. She wrapped her legs around him and urged him forward. He smiled at her impatience and leaned down to kiss her, gripping her hips and holding her down, deliberately holding out on her. She growled and bit his lower lip, trailing her nails roughly down his back, drawing blood on both accounts. Sousuke groaned and pulled back to lick his lip, looking down at her with lust-darkened eyes.
Slowly, agonizingly slowly, he pushed his way inside of her, rocking against her in a rhythm that drove her crazy. "Sousuke-," she spoke warningly, though she was gasping with every move he made. Finally, he pulled back, almost completely out of her then thrust forward to completely bury himself. They both moaned at the contact, and Kaname immediately tilted her hips against him, silently telling him to move.
He lifted one of her legs and draped it over his shoulder, thrusting into her to a rapidly quickening beat. She moaned long and loud, the sound driving him wild. He pulled out, she whimpered, and then he flipped her over, arm wrapped around her waist to hold her while she steadied herself on hands and knees. Carefully he pushed his way back inside of her, waiting for her to adjust to the change before speeding back up.
Kaname cried out his name, pushing back against him, urging him on. He bent over her, his arm still wrapped around her waist, leaning in to bite her shoulder with a low growl. She hissed in pleasure, and when his hand shifted to press against her clit she came with a scream. Sousuke moaned against her throat and nipped at her pulse point, barely slowing down. She shuddered in his arms, the blinding pleasure racking her body with orgasm after orgasm. Just as she began to beg him to slow down, to give her a break, to let her breathe, he let out a strangled shout and came inside her.
Slowly, he lowered them down on the blanket, his body still wrapped around her. She sighed happily and snuggled against him, content. He smiled and pressed a kiss to her temple, listening as her breath evened out and she dozed off. He would let her sleep like this for a little while. It was so peaceful out there.