Responsibility
Chapter 10
Shikamaru could feel her aura of confused curiosity. Where was he taking her? He couldn't help but grin to himself; this location was something that had been kept private for the purpose of solitude. It would guarantee privacy.
There was a gnawing fear of questioning in his gut despite his internal joy with the current situation. Should it really just be the two of them, alone? What was the worst case scenario? Despite his skepticism, he pushed it into the back of his mind. Temari was with him and she was meeting him halfway. Hypothetical fears wouldn't make him back down now.
Not after he almost lost her. He never knew that she was so important to him until she removed herself from his life. His grip on her hand tightened ever so slightly. He hadn't been this comfortable since Asuma had died. She was the only thing that seemed to feel natural after that kind of emotional trauma.
She was his sanctuary. He could find peace within his own mind when he was in her presence. The Shadow Possessor couldn't deny how much comfort she brought to him. Removing their complete relationship from his mistakes left him feeling hollow.
And my dumbass had the nerve to seek refuge between Ino's legs…
That was a completely different situation with a consequence that he didn't even want to consider at that moment.
Despite the fact that the Nara was only holding her hand, he felt like the weight of the world had removed itself from his shoulders. It was baffling to him how the one thing he'd ever need for had been in front of him all along. It only guaranteed one thing that he had to handle.
Ino needed to be removed from the picture.
The sex had complicated the whole scenario, something that he regretted more and more with each passing day. Sex complicated a lot of things, and yet, he hated himself.
Even if he ended the current situation with Ino that night, the damage was done. He'd have to tell Temari and if they were to pursue a romantic relationship, he knew that he didn't deserve the love and affection that he desired. Not after what he had put her through.
The pain he put himself through was bad enough, but hurting her was the last thing he wanted to do. He needed to forgive himself, but that would be the most difficult thing for him to do right now.
At the same time, he didn't want her to fraternize with any other men while he set his own moral compass straight. It wasn't fair to ask a woman to wait until he fixed himself. How long would it take? Would she even bother to wait after he aired out his dirty laundry?
She's worth more than that, he told himself. He had to accept that she could do so much better, but if she let him make up for everything, he knew it'd be worth it in the long run.
They were almost to their destination. He had led her along a cobblestone path for the past ten to fifteen minutes. He started to direct her off the path into the grass. She paused and removed her high heels, knowing that they would sink into the grass. He laughed her bare feet sinking between the blades.
Temari smirked before she looked behind herself, realizing they were officially leaving the urban area of Konoha. And yet, the Sand Princess felt at ease. His hand was so warm. His skin against her felt more vivid than any dream she had had.
She smiled internally to herself, feeling his soft hands against her rough, calloused ones. She had trained using her fan endless hours of the day when she was younger; her hands told the story of the diligence in her art. It wasn't until recently due to her being self-conscious that she finally began wearing gloves. The Nara never trained with an individual weapon to that extent and his hands showed.
Distracting herself with things like their hand textures, she held back the urge to ask him where he was taking her. Biting her lip, the Kunoichi wondered and continuously drove herself crazy about what she had possibly gotten herself into.
Her being someone who easily blended into the nightlife and fell victim to its repetitive nature, it was a surprise to her when they left together that she was more interested in Shikamaru despite all of the drama they had undergone the past week or so. Temari felt estranged that he had warped her habitual nature and was actually out on a midnight stroll with the Shadow Possessor.
The conversation that they had gone completely different than she had expected it to go. She was surprised when he didn't drill her and question her about where she had been. They both seemed to have waited for the other to bring it up, but it wasn't a topic either of them were interested in because of how much stress it caused.
Things were better off left unsaid, they both knew that. However, Temari wanted him to bring it up so she could give him a second chance, a second thought. A reconsideration. Instead, she had brought it up and he simply said he didn't want to bother her with it.
Her disappointment didn't show through, at least she hoped it hadn't. Now she was scared that she had lost her chance to something more than a friendship. He hadn't done anything to piss her off (yet), but the evening was still young.
He had been silent the entire walk. She gazed at the back of his head, but he hadn't looked back; she wanted to break the silence but she didn't want to ruin a moment by mistake.
The Sand Princess was curious as to what he was thinking about. Always seeming like a blank thinker didn't stop the thousands of thoughts that fluttered through his head. She admitted she wished she could read that part of him, but he was too good at hiding that sort of thing due to his job.
They had walked across a cobblestone path for about 15 minutes. Temari wobbled slightly due to her shoes, but she mastered it with grace.
It wasn't long before she saw him step off the path and head into the grass. He turned and offered his hand out to her just as she began to take her shoes off. He laughed at her wiggling her toes playfully at him before taking his hand in hers again.
The countryside of Konoha that they were exploring was nothing she had never been to before. Temari thought she had known all of his hidden spots that he liked to dwell, but this was something new. It was significantly more secluded and had less open space. There was a lot of natural greenery as low a bushes and as high as trees; if you sat in the right space, you could see the perfect blend of the greenery against the violet sky. Shikamaru directed her gaze to a cherry blossom tree that hadn't been flowering.
"So? What do you think?" Shikamaru finally spoke after the infinite silence. The Wind Mistress smirked to herself as she walked up to the cherry blossom tree.
"I thought you had shown me all of your favorite hidden cloud watching places," Temari pried.
"Eh, I don't watch clouds that much from here. I come here more to get away, watch the days change, or to stargaze," he shrugged. He gestured for her to walk over with him to the cherry blossom tree before he pointed through a small canopy. "Look up there."
Temari held her breath as she looked where his finger pointed. The stars twinkled brighter than anything she had seen, even in Sunagakure. The moon hid behind a few branches and gazed a natural light with the stars.
"It's… beautiful," she breathed in awe. Her expression of awe made his heart melt within his chest, something he had never felt before.
You're beautiful, he couldn't help but think before trying to distract himself. Somehow he had gotten light-headed and found himself gushing over this woman; he knew he had to get himself together.
The Nara took a seat at the base of the cherry blossom tree before counting to ten in hopes to return himself to homeostasis. Temari crouched down and plopped down beside him at the base in hope to prevent herself from tearing her dress. She leaned her head on his shoulder gazed through the canopy. He seemed to have been meditating or asleep; the last thing she wanted to do was interrupt him.
"This is nice," Temari stated simply after a brief moment of silence. He chuckled before opening his eyes.
"Yeah, that's why I love it here," he acknowledged with a grin.
"So why has this cherry blossom tree not bloomed yet?" she asked slowly, unsure if he had the answer. Shikamaru paused, almost as if he hadn't heard her before he bit his lip.
"So… The first and only other person I brought here was Asuma. I had found this place thinking that I was the only person who had known about it. Apparently, he used to come here fairly often with his father when he was younger," he explained briefly.
"The Third Hokage?" she verified, remembering that Shikamaru had mentioned it briefly in the past. Shikamaru nodded.
"Yeah, before The Third became Hokage, he brought his kids and his students here every now and then. This Cherry Blossom Tree had always been here in this spot. Apparently, it used to bloom when Asuma was younger, but as he got older, it just flowered less and less." he explained.
"The less they visited, the less, it bloomed. Asuma said that Hiruzen told some fairy tale that it stopped blooming because there hadn't been enough love to keep it flowering. It hasn't bloomed in the past couple of decades," he stated calmly, sounding content. Temari looked over to him, slightly confused.
"That's so sad…"
"I think it may have had to do with the consecutive harsh winters that hit Konoha. It killed the roots," Shikamaru replied flatly. Temari shot a glare at him, a bit disappointed in his lack of a romantic spirit.
"It could have been the 'lack of love'," she muttered. Shikamaru chuckled a bit before he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her in. Still a bit shocked at the action, Temari didn't have any words in response to his behavior, but that didn't mean she didn't like it. Unexpectedly physical contact with the Shadow Possessor wasn't as bad as she had anticipated.
"I doubt it," he huffed shortly before looking down at her, leaning her head on his shoulder as she gazed at the nightly scenery. Her emerald eyes shone in the moonlight in a mystical way. Temari scoffed as she rolled them.
"You're something else, you know that?" she teased, making it very apparent in her tone of voice.
"Oh really? And why is that?" he asked playfully. Her cheeks started burn ever so slightly.
"You're suddenly trying to act as if you're not a romantic, but had a place like this tucked in your back pocket?" she questioned suspiciously with a grin starting to spread across her face. The dim moonlight hid her cheeks' redness as well as her boldness.
Shikamaru gave her a hesitant side eye, unsure of how to respond. She had a point…
"I didn't snag this just for the romantic aspect," he trailed off before looking back up into the starry sky. There was a bit of awkwardness between them that was undeniable, but it was because of them both being in unfamiliar territory. He knew she was just as unsure of how to handle the situation as he was. It was just the two of them, alone and they hadn't had this kind of intimate alone time before in a long time.
"It's a full moon," he pointed out, breaking the silence. His hand rose to point out the milky white orb that was peeking from behind the trees.
"Yeah it's really bright tonight," she added. Swallowing hard, she continued to avoid contact, unsure of what else to say. "Shikamaru?"
"Hn?"
"Why'd you bring me out here?" she asked bluntly. He blinked at the direct question, unsure of how to initially react. Eventually, the Nara shrugged and looked back up to the sky for a moment before closing his eyes again.
"I got tired of that club. It was noisy. Bothersome. Nothing but annoying," he stated bluntly back. Her eyebrow quirked up in surprise.
"Oh really? Then why were you there?"
Shikamaru's eyes couldn't help but shoot open when she asked that question. He bit his lip and swore to himself mentally. He didn't think very far ahead for that one. He wasn't sure if he should lie or be honest, but at the same time, he knew that lying wouldn't get him very far with the skeletons he already had in is closet.
"Ino dragged me there," he said plainly as if it meant nothing. His eyes darted quickly to see her reaction to his words; it disappointed him how drastically her face cringed when the blonde's name left his lips.
"Oh," was all she seemed capable of saying when she finally managed to speak. Shikamaru shrugged, anticipating the Sand Princess's dismissal of his presence again. It was bittersweet that she didn't, but he could tell he had hurt her feelings.
"Did you see her around? We got there and she ditched me. She was out dancing and partying with everyone else, but it happens," he added, hoping it would lighten the mood. It didn't seem to work very well.
"I guess that means she'll be looking for you in no time then, huh?" Temari replied tartly. Shikamaru scoffed and muttered under his breath something incomprehensible. Temari's head jerked, her whole mood seemed to have changed from melancholy to defensive. "What?"
"I don't get it, It's 'just' Ino," Shikamaru repeated, defeated. Temari removed herself from the comfort of Shikamaru's shoulder; she no longer felt as though it was someplace for her to be.
"Excuse me?"
"I said-"
"No, I heard what you said. Don't act like I imagined you holding her hand," she interrupted in a dangerously low tone. Shikamaru held his hands up, him now on the defensive as well. He didn't have an excuse for that and he didn't plan to make one up.
"You're not wrong," he admitted. "It was just… I was in a compromising position, that's all-"
"Compromising?" she scoffed.
"Look, if you wanna hear about that, I'll explain. But I wasn't even talking about that," he explained. "I mean, you can't compare yourself to her. You two have nothing in common and-"
"Who said anything about comparing me to her?" Temari snapped. Shikamaru suddenly found himself in another compromising position. He knew the source of his information was from Tenten and that was the only person who had access to that information. Temari's eyes widened, realizing that the Weapon's Mistress leaked her personal information.
"Oh God," was all she could breathe before covering her face in despair. Her most intimate conversations between her and her best friend were being leaked to the man that she had been moping over. Shikamaru rolled his eyes and attempted to pull her back into an embrace, but she denied him.
"Come on, now. It's not that big of a deal," he reassured before Temari shot him an evil glare.
"Yeah, finding out that Tenten can't keep a secret wasn't something that I anticipated to encounter in our one on one time," she snapped. "I get it, you don't get it, you-"
"No, I do get it. Tenten explained to me how I screwed up," Shikamaru explained. "She didn't tell me everything, she just told me that you had been comparing yourself to Ino, and I don't even understand why or how that could happen."
"Because she's Ino, Shikamaru. She's... womanly. Feminine. Plus you two are so close and you and I have never been close to that degree," she mumbled. Shikamaru caressed her chin and guided her eyes to meet his. Her chest started to feel tight as her heartbeat pounded on her chest.
"Temari, Ino could never be what you are to me," he whispered. Temari bit her lip, her entire face on fire from the endorphins her body was releasing. She pulled away, out of uncertainty and even put a bit of distance between them. Suddenly, she felt like she was in a potentially nerve-wracking situation.
The Wind Princess simply reacted; she didn't intend to offend him by removing herself and creating distance between them. Before she could explain herself, the Nara closed the distance between them once again and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and pulled her to him once again.
Temari yelped, a bit caught off guard by his reaction to her attempt to remove herself. He hugged her close to him before he nestled his head against her bare back. His breath kissed her skin every time he exhaled. Temari was unsure of what else to do, especially in their current position.
The sensation of her skin against his was nothing like he had experienced before; he caressed her forearm with his fingertips while inhaling her scent. He didn't realize how nostalgic it was until he had gotten a taste once again. He prayed she wouldn't say anything to interrupt the moment that felt so organic.
"You're perfect the way you are," he spoke softly. Her eyes widened, this time her eyes swelling a bit from the reality of his words. Her bottom lip trembled as she struggled to find a way to respond.
"You don't mean that," she barely squeaked. He nodded his head against her back gingerly. Temari didn't know how to react to the nuzzling gesture as he squeezed her body even tighter in that embrace.
"Of course I do. Ino isn't the kind of girl a guy like me would want to be with. She's... I'm not sure how to describe her. We grew up together and it's a lot of history, but not that kind of history. Ino is Ino, but she's not the one for me," he muttered before Temari snickered at his explanation. That confirmation about Ino felt like a weight off her shoulders. She dared to turn her head and try to look back at him.
"Then why were you holding her hand?" she finally asked. Shikamaru sighed before leaning his head against the cherry blossom tree.
"There was a misunderstanding between her and I. She thought, and kind of still thinks we're a thing, but we're not. I've been trying to find a way to set her straight without destroying our entire friendship," he admitted. Temari looked a bit conflicted about his response.
"So… are you guys together?"
"No. She thinks we're trying things, but we're not. I was hoping she'd see that it wouldn't work, but she's in denial. So I have to be honest with her at this point. It's not fair for me to 'fake' something like this to appease her when I know it's not something for me," he explained carefully. Temari bit her lip.
She understood where he was coming from. If their friendship meant as much to them as he was saying, he could easily ruin it by going about it the wrong way. But it still made her a bit uncomfortable.
"I see…"
"I know what I want, Tem," he reaffirmed, leaning his head over her shoulder again. The tension grew thicker and it wasn't any kind of negative energy. Suddenly, the Sand Kunoichi found herself in affectionate position with the Shadow Possessor. The hand that had been caressing her arm slowly stroked her outer thigh. Her breathing started to become labored.
Oh no…
"And what is that, Nara-san?" she whispered softer than she expected. His face was so close to hers, he wasn't sure if it was on purpose or by accident. His eyes traced the lines of her face, hypnotizing her with his gaze.
His face inched closer and closer to her as his eyelids began to flutter. Her heartbeat started to pound faster as if it was a positive signal to keep pursuing her. As his lips captured hers, he felt a surge in his body he had never experienced before.
His hand reached up to caress her cheek, bringing it closer to him as he deepened the kiss between them. His tongue slipped into her mouth, Temari confirming that she wanted more with a moan.
Temari practically liquefied into a puddle from the mere feeling of his lips on her as he started t kiss her jawline and attack her throat. The Sand Mistress whimpered in pleasure just as Shikamaru sank his teeth into her flesh.
He pulled away and looked at her, smirking at the dazed look in her eyes.
"Do you want me to stop?" he breathed into her ear; her lack of reply but positive feedback was turning him on and he was struggling to remain patient; her moans were the sweetest noises he'd ever heard.
Shikamaru continued to leave miniature kisses before he started to suckle on her skin. Temari shivered against his touch, biting her lip, trying to contain her arousal, but she couldn't. The taste of her skin enticed an insatiable desire; it was intoxicating.
"Please don't," she accidentally begged. The smirk upon his lips only deepened. The Nara moved from behind her and gently guided her to lay on her back as he continued to tease around her shoulders and collarbone. Temari's body seemed unable to keep still when he climbed over her.
Making a trail down to her bosom with his tongue, his hands caressed and groped her legs and thighs. His assertive nature with her body heightened her arousal response. Temari, who attempted to maintain her breathing found her fingers intertwined and clench with every pleasurable gasp.
This is really happening to me, Temari decided to finally admit to herself. His skin against hers, his mouth sucking on her had never known herself to pray for such physical attention and suddenly she had become assessed.
Shuddering under his touch, Shikamaru was unsure of how much longer he could remain in control of the situation. Temari had spread her legs so he could fit between them comfortably and at the rate they were going, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stop if she didn't say no.
She felt him begin to grind his pelvis against hers; she felt him get hard against her inner thigh and she was about to lose her sanity.
The Nara sat up, pulling himself from her clutches somehow. Her chest was heaving from the rate they were going; Temari didn't realize that she had whimpered when he left her grasp. Innately, the Shadow Possessor started to reach for his belt to unbuckle his pants.
Temari's heart was pounding, realizing that what was about to happen. At that moment, she didn't care and she knew that she wanted the exact thing he was prepared to give her.
Shikamaru managed to get his zipper down only to look down at Temari laying before him, the most sensual look on her face he could have ever dreamed of. Her dress was pulled up to her waist, her black underwear outline the only thing he could see under the moon. His mind was trying to process his thoughts in a traditional, orderly fashion like he knew he needed. This was what he wanted and what he dreamed of.
But I don't deserve this, his conscience reminded him. His mind brought back his memories of him being in the exact same position with Ino, her icy blue eyes filled with just as much lust as Temari's were in that moment.
He saw that there was something different in Temari's eyes; the desire she had for him wasn't just physical. He was unsure if Ino had the same feelings of affection and potential romance in her eyes, or whether he just chose to ignore them. Regardless, he knew that he cared way too much about Temari's emotions for him to take advantage of the situation.
He started to shake, starting to worry about whether he should take Temari as his own. If he did, what would that signify? He knew he wasn't ready and his guilt wasn't going to let him ignore it.
That's all that ran through his mind, Ino, Ino, Ino. He couldn't let Temari be the focal point of this intimate moment because of her. His heart wasn't capable of ignoring it; He still hadn't set the other woman straight and he was sprawled between the legs of the woman of his dreams.
If he did it now because he couldn't be patient, he would never forgive himself. He had to handle needed to be handled first and that wasn't a step he could ignore.
Temari's head tilted sideways as she saw Shikamaru bite his lip, realizing that there was some inner turmoil occurring through his mind. Her lustful emotions suppressed themselves and were replaced with concern. She leaned up, gently stroking the side of his face to give him a sense of comfort.
"Shikamaru? What's wrong?" she whispered as he avoided her eyes, his teeth gritted. She was laying there, before him, ready to be taken, and he couldn't. It wouldn't be right. He wasn't ready for her yet, not yet. And what was even worse was that he wasn't man enough to tell her why.
"I can't..." he whispered, as Temari's eyes softened. The Sand Princess pulled his head into her bosom to relinquish some of his emotional stress. He began to take deep breathes to calm himself down.
"It's fine, Shikamaru, it's fine," she consoled. He was taken aback at how gentle-hearted she was at that moment; this was a side of her he had never seen before. He breathed her in and felt like he was at ease. This was worth waiting for.
Shikamaru's phone suddenly started ring and played an obnoxious, generic ringtone. They both groaned in unison as Shikamaru blatantly attempted to ignore it. She poked him once.
"Shouldn't you answer that?" she asked slowly.
"No," he replied flatly.
"Shikamaru, answer the damn phone," she commanded. He smiled at her assertive demand; that was the Temari that he had known to grow and love. He sighed and shrugged, reaching into his pants pocket. He looked at the caller ID and instantly cringed. Temari waited for him to answer as he pressed the talk button.
"Hello?"
"Shikamaru! Where the hell are you!? I've been looking for you for almost an hour and you are nowhere in sight! " the Yamanaka yelled the instant he answered. She screamed so loud, Temari recognized the voice immediately; her heart sank into her stomach.
That's why I can't.
The Nara pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling his blood pressure begin to rise. He hung the phone up on Ino without responding before swearing under his breath. The Kunoichi looked at him, appalled at his behavior before he pushed her back under the cherry blossom tree. She yelped at the unexpected feeling of falling, Shikamaru nuzzling her body once more.
The position was comforting, but the silence was heartbreaking. Despite her own emotional discomfort with the situation, Temari smiled a painful smile as she stroked his hair in a rhythmic fashion; Shikamaru almost began to lull off into a deep sleep.
"Shikamaru, go see her," Temari whispered suddenly. Shikamaru's eyes opened instantly as he sat up, shattering the intimate moment with confusion.
"Wha-?"
"Go, Shikamaru. She's looking for you. Technically, you two are-"
"Please don't say that," he interrupted, exasperated. He didn't feel like explaining himself all over again, but at the same time, he knew that she knew and understood his current situation at hand.
He looked hesitant to leave the comfort of her arms for Ino. He only was going to go because she told him to. Shikamaru sat up and stretched before groaning about how much of a drag it was. She laughed before he leaned towards her and stole a kiss from her lips. After a brief moment, he broke the kiss that brought them together. They both avoided eye contact out of fear of drawing the other back in.
Temari tried to feign a warm smile as he fixed his pants. He stood up with a sigh as he waved a nonchalant goodbye before he held up a handsign, disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
Once he was gone, Temari realized that she was in a solitary location. She was left alone with the sound of the critters, the rustling breeze, and her thoughts about what had happened just happened.
The Kunoichi found herself laughing at the situation as if it had been comical, to keep herself sane, but it didn't last long. Her laugh slowly evolved into a sob.
Her dream morphed into a nightmare.