It always bothered her why Kenshin broke the engagement with her. As far as her memory was concerned, Tomoe fit into whatever Kenshin needed as a wife- proper lady with polite manners and the charisma that would help assist her husband if he needed to climb the ranks, or if he is a company president.
She, on the other hand, would be stifled by the expectations and the norms of a high ranking official wife. It doesn't matter that Kenshin was just running a company. To her, it is like running a country- where hundreds or thousands of employees depended on Kenshin for survival and stability.
She can't cope with it. But that doesn't mean that she could let Kenshin get away with those empty promises that he gave to her two years ago. And if she can't get the answers from him, there was always another person who she could ask.
Kaoru opened the door and saw Tomoe seated on the sofa with a strain smile on her face. "Kaoru-chan."
The years were kind to Tomoe. Kaoru didn't see any signs of stress or strain on her face. But she could sense the tension that was radiating out of Tomoe. "It's been a long time."
Tomoe nodded. "Yes, you left so suddenly that we didn't have a chance to talk."
Kaoru pursed her lips as she wondered what was it that Tomoe seemed so eager to talk. To her, it was clear cut. Tomoe was engaged to Kenshin and she unwittingly intruded into the relationship, no thanks to Kenshin. The thought of it made her angry but she kept it within her as she headed to the chair next to Tomoe and sat down. "I had to. Circumstances prevented me from staying otherwise."
Tomoe studied Kaoru and sighed as she leaned back against the sofa. "I wanted to tell you. But I wanted to surprise the both of you. You kept worming your way out of the various meetings I set up for the both of you to meet up."
Kaoru raised her eyebrow. "What do you mean? You purposely wanted me to meet your fiancé."
Tomoe nodded. "Yes, you are suppose to meet my fiancé who is in love with you, or at least the idea of you."
Kaoru tensed up. Was she interpreting what Tomoe said correctly? "So in other words, you knew that your fiancé is in love with someone else. And that someone else was me."
Tomoe nodded as she stood up and started pacing. "I knew all the while, even when I proposed to Kenshin, that he is in love with someone. But I only knew her face, never her name. When I first saw you, I saw the resemblance. However, I had my doubt, wondering whether you were the little girl that Kenshin talked often. The girl in the picture that Kenshin had was barely 8 years old."
She glanced at Kaoru. "Face features changes with time. So I was wary. But when I started knowing you better, I could see some characteristics that you shared with Kenshin's girl. But so can a thousand other girls as well. It was only when you started opening up to me and shared with me stories regarding the boy in the orphanage that confirmed my suspicion that you were the girl that Kenshin loved. By then, my wedding was indeed two months away. I tried to get the both of you together. But you always evaded the meeting."
Kaoru interrupted Tomoe. "Why don't you just tell Kenshin that you found me?"
Tomoe frowned. "I regretted not doing that. Perhaps it was pride. Or maybe I just wanted to be there when the both of you see each other and I would have this satisfaction that I brought two people that I loved dearly together."
Tomoe looked at her. "You know. Kenshin is somewhat a perfect guy with flaws. I know it sounds contradicting. I couldn't believe I fell for Kenshin's flaws and the vulnerability before knowing his strength."
"Liar is one of them." Kaoru added rather cruelly. That earned a stare from Tomoe.
"Misjudged notion of himself would be a better word." Tomoe corrected before she sat in front of Kaoru and asked. "Do you ever wonder why the family is so protective over him? Misao told me that they went through great lengths to get you here and reconcile with him. But do you know why?"
Kaoru shrugged as she recalled Kenshin's determination not to share what exactly happened two years ago. Yet he claimed all he wanted was reconciliation. "No I don't. But I know a few things. First he cares about you enough not to say why he promised to marry me when he is engaged to you.
Second, I understand that they are family, hence if they are asked to take sides, they would side with Kenshin and not me- an outsider. So I just let them push and intervene on his behalf.
Thirdly, I find that his unwillingness to move out of the preconceive image of me as a little girl very daunting and upsetting. How can he love someone who he hasn't met for years? Kaoru stared at Tomoe, only to realise that she had said too much. "Sorry. I shouldnt' be so frank."
Tomoe shook her head. "Don't be. If I were you, I would be equally frustrated." She sighed as she smiled. "I think Kenshin kind of muddled up this time. He should have been wise enough to break the promise that he made to me to save himself. I have a story to tell."
Kaoru gave her a questioning look. "Are you going to plead on Kenshin's behalf?"
Tomoe shook her head. "No, I am just going to share what happened from my perspective and hopefully shed some light about Kenshin."
She took in a deep breath."I knew Kenshin when he was 15. Hiko-san just adopted Aoshi-san for a year. Initially I met them when my father invited Hiko-san for a company's function. They were friendly business competitors to some extent. I was 12 when I saw them and I thought they were just boys who don't belong to Hiko-san.
But as I started to know them, I got to know them better and started caring for both of them in different ways.
Aoshi was quiet and somewhat lay back. However, he had a stubborn determination and spirit that remained unbreakable till this day. Another strong point of his was his fierce sense of loyalty. He knew what he wanted in life which was to follow someone who is capable to lead. He has no inspiration to lead. Perhaps he thought he was a better follower than a leader. That is why he fell for Misao-chan. She is after all an independent lady who has the drive for something greater in life.
Kenshin on the other hand is insecure. The only thing that made him confident was when he leads. He is very good in leading a family, company or whoever is under him. I don't know what exactly caused him to think that he is only useful when he takes charge. But it is the driving force that keeps him alive.
With Aoshi-san, Sano-san and Yahiko-san joining the family, he had people to take care of, to ensure that no matter what, they settled down and bonded as a family. I think that is why Aoshi-san wa so comfortable with Kenshin and vice versa. Aoshi-san knew that no matter what happens, Kenshin would be there for him. And for Kenshin, Aoshi-san's silent support and to some extent his reliance on him motivates him to live on as a person. "
Tomoe smiled as she paused for a while. Kaoru was however unimpressed. It does not fit the picture of the Kenshin she knew. In her eyes, she saw him as a confident person who she could depend on when they were young. However that image started fading as she started knowing the adult version of Kenshin. The Kenshin she knew now doesn't seem to match the boy that she knew.
"I don't know why. But when I realise how vulnerable Kenshin is, I started loving him. Despite the fact that Hiko-san was grooming him to be his successor and the confidence that he seems to exuberate, the fact that he is dependent on people who follows him made me determined to be one of his followers.
He sounds spoilt doesn't he? After all, Kenshin has the support and devotion from the people closest to him. But it was draining on him. He wanted to prove to one person that he could still lead and take care of her. It seems unreasonable and borderline insane. But I think that he undervalues himself as an individual, it saddens me. Hence when we reached a marriageable age, I propose to be his fiancé for life."
Kaoru blinked at the last statement. "You mean you have no intention to marry him?"
"How could I, if I know that his heart belongs to you?" Tomoe smiled sadly. "I could give everything to him. Because I know what it is like to feel insignificant in life. I truly needed him emotionally and he knew that, so he was willing to go to the extent of carrying out the marriage even when our initial agreement was not to get married."
Tomoe shrugged. "I am not going to say that Kenshin's view about himself is right. In fact, it was only when Misao joined the family did we get a psychiatrist to treat him. Your disappearance triggered off his depression. Maybe I should be grateful to you for letting us realise that he needed emotional help. He is not mad. I would say he suffers from very low self confidence."
Kaoru frowned, unsure what to say next. "I never knew."
Tomoe nodded. "When you first met him, you were too young to understand. Right now, you just see him as an egoistic man who thinks that the world evolves around him instead of him trying to fit into the world. To some extent, he needed to feel important if not he doesn't know why he is alive."
"I don't think I can cope with the emotional burden that he is carrying." Kaoru started, only to be interrupted by Tomoe.
"You don't need to. As soon as he knows that he is accepted, he would be fine. Frankly, I don't think that he understands his dependency on others. He just sees it as a misled notion of chivalry." Tomoe said. "Unless you know him well, you would never know that he is so emotionally dependent on others."
Kaoru leaned towards Tomoe and decided to just sum it out. "So what you are saying is that Kenshin truly loves the idea of people depending on him just because it means that he exist for a reason?"
Tomoe nodded once again. "You are right. But I don't believe that his feelings for you are based on just that. You were what, eight, when he left you. He didn't want to leave you because you knew him from the beginning. And he hoped that he had someone he could depend on for the rest of his life. It can be tiring to have the whole world depending on him. To him, you are the safe home that he can go back to because he will always remember the little girl who gave everything without conditions. And that sort of love is the purest form of love."
"You make me feel as though I have to comply." Kaoru said softly. "Why is it that no one cared what I thought of him?"
Tomoe looked at her. "We frankly don't know how you feel. To us, you seem to have erected a wall between Kenshin and the rest of the world. Hence we keep trying to put the both of you together without anyone interfering. But we didn't expect Kenshin to be so stubborn!"
"You mean he told you guy everything that happened between the both of us!" Kaoru asked, feeling as though her privacy was invaded.
"Nope." Tomoe shook her head. "It was an observation made by Misao and the rest of them. They said that there is no progress between the both of you. And we can't figure out how to make the both of you talk!"
Kaoru took in a deep breath. "We could just sit down and talk to seriously talk without barriers." She said as she recalled the chances that they could have done that. Each time they talked, she refused to let her defences down. What Tomoe shared did not justify what Kenshin did to them. However, it does help her see his point of view and gave her valuable insights into the man he was now.
"I know you would have heard this line from everyone. However could you just talk to him and really trash it out? Just give him a chance to explain himself."
"But I gave him a chance to explain himself regarding you and him. However he refused to explain." Kaoru glanced at Tomoe. "He is very protective of you."
Tomoe scoffed. "That is because he protects those who are dependent on him. To him, you are somewhat equal. Yes, you depended on him when you were young. But you know, he mentioned once or twice that he misses your laughter and smile and during the period in the orphanage, he depended on those a lot. The fact that you were able to shoulder his dependence at a young age made him feel that he could truly depend on you in his adult years."
Kaoru paused, thinking of the times they had together. Yes, there were happy times when they exchanged laughter and smiles. There were sad times when she would cry and he would try to help her. It was impossible for a love to last for so long. But at a young age, she nursed a love for him that lasted until now.
That was why his betrayal was so hard to take.
"He made empty promises. Would he do it again?"
Tomoe shrugged. "We won't know why he had to give those empty promises. We won't know whether he would do it again. However I know that he would try not to let you down again. That is why he is depressed for the last two years. The blame was not on you. He felt that he let the very person who he valued down. And that ate him until today."
Tomoe placed a hand over Kaoru's. "People say that it is good to give a second chance. It might not make things the way they were. But it would close this chapter and who knows lead to a new chapter in both of you guys life. Give him and yourself a chance to find love."
A chance to find love. Kaoru thought. The idea was appealing however it was daunting. "I told him I won't risk it again."
"Don't give up on him." Tomoe pleaded.
Kaoru recalled the period when she saw Kenshin again. The hope and joy that ran through her heart and her mind. Was she cruel to deny the both of them a chance? Would she dare to risk it again?
She could. After what Tomoe shared, she could try her best to save Kenshin from self-destruction. It was scary to hear how Kenshin seemed to blame himself for everything that happened in the world. She had no idea how to save him, but perhaps her love could be the first step.
Kaoru slowly smiled. "I won't." She said softly as tears started streaming down her face. She had to be brave. But she knew that she had an important role in Kenshin's life and she had to fulfil it.
Tomoe squeezed her hand. "Don't worry. Misao and I won't let you fight alone." She said as she rose. "Come, let's find him."
Kaoru hesitated before asking. "Tomoe, you could have him you know. You know him much longer than me and you love him."
Tomoe shook her head. "I love him but it isn't the same kind of love that you have for him. And secondly, he won't love me the way he loves you." She smiled sadly.
Kaoru squeezed her hand. "You would find someone who loves you as much as you love him."
The two of them exchanged a knowing smile. "Thanks. And may the both of you have happiness."
Kaoru rose and the both of them exited the room. Just as they were about to reach the stairs, they heard a loud wail. "Misao!" The both of them exclaimed before rushing up the stairs. They ran past each room until they saw one of the room's door opened. There they saw Misao standing next to the bed frantically shaking the person in the bed.
When Kaoru saw the person who was in it, she immediately rushed to the side. "What happened Misao?" She asked. When she realised that Misao can't hear her, she turned her attention to Kenshin. "Kenshin, wake up!" She said loudly. However it was apparent to her that with the amount of shaking and noise that Misao was making, he wasn't going to wake up.
"Tomoe! Call for an ambulance!" Kaoru said before pushing Misao to the side. She heard Aoshi's and Yahiko's voice demanding what happened but her attention was focused on Kenshin. "Kenshin baka! Wake up!" She said as she felt for a pulse. When she was unable to find one, she did CPR on him. "Wake up Kenshin! Please wake up!!" Kaoru pleaded as she did the cycle on him repeatedly.
"Kaoru-chan. Stop." She heard someone said.
Kaoru just ignored the voice and started shaking Kenshin violently. "Baka Kenshin, wake up. We need to talk! Please!!" She cried out as she was dragged away from Kenshin as people in uniform rushed into the room.
"What's wrong with him?" Another voice asked.
In the midst of the confusion, no one answered. To drastic to speak, Kaoru sank on her knees and sobbed while the paramedics transferred him to the stretcher and carried him out of the room. The brothers followed closely behind them while the ladies stayed in the room.
"Kaoru. Don't worry, he will be alright." Tomoe said softly in her ear while she kneeled next to her.
Kaoru turned to her and shook her head. "I don't think he would come back." She said as tears streamed down her face.
"He will be back." Tomoe said as she turned to Misao only to realise that the other lady was looking out of the window.
Kaoru shook her head again. "I can feel it. He won't be coming back and we will never have a chance to talk again." She said between sobs before breaking down once more, leaving Tomoe helpless, not knowing what to do but to place a comforting hand around Kaoru's shoulder.
It was close to midnight when the men came back. Kaoru knew that they were back as she heard the main door close. She rose from the living room and headed to them. "What happened to Kenshin? He didn't commit suicide right?"
Sano scoffed while Aoshi fiercely hushed him up. "No, he had Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. We never knew that he had this medical condition."
Kaoru gave him a puzzled look. "What is that?"
"It is a condition when a part of the heart suddenly thickens, causing sudden cardiac arrest. It is somewhat a silent killer. It is genetic and because Kenshin was an orphan, no one knew about his medical history. If not, he could have gotten treatment and escaped death."
Kaoru stared at them, shell-shocked by the revelation. If only she talked to him earlier and force to confront the issue that separated the both of them, the issue wouldn't be left hanging.
"Don't blame yourself, Kaoru-chan. No one was to blame." Aoshi said softly. "Kenshin wouldn't blame you either."
Kaoru nodded as fresh tears started rolling down her face. "I miss him."
The men were silent for a while before Sano replied. "I miss him too." And to Kaoru's surprise, she saw tears running down Sano's face.
Long A/N:
I had this ending planned out at the second half of this story. It was during the time that I realised like Kenshin and Kaoru that there is no such thing as a happy ending. People had to work to make things happen. However like Kenshin who seems to be like a coward and Kaoru who sees things black and white, they couldn't make it work. Hence both of them had no closure.
I'm sorry if I cheated some of you guys out of a happy ending. My main motive is to get some reader response. Another reason is to see whether people think that Kenshin deserves a lady like Kaoru. Alwyzme, a firm critic of the spineless brat I made Kenshin to be, I hope this chapter explained a little of why Kenshin behaves in a particular manner and why everyone is in cathoots. Thanks for your long long reviews because it made me see how I shaped Kenshin in a different perspective. I had to really think out a somewhat reasonable explanation why Kenshin behaved like that. And trust me, it's hard! Truly difficult!
I would like to apologise for three things. My grammer mistakes, my lack of character depth for all of them and the unfortunate people who got confused half way through my explanation during the first half of this chapter. Maybe I started being a harsh critic of myself. Like I mentioned in the previous chapter, I had no inspiration because my characters were really shallow. But I think many of you guys would rather me finish this story rather than leaving it hanging for another year, hence I ended the whole fiasco with this chapter.
Next up, the epilogue. It is for me a closing for this story and perhaps you might not see me write such stories anytime soon, partly because of school, partly because I have no more real life inspiration for my stories.
I will have my usual credit rolls after the epilogue and last chapter FAQs if any. However I don't think I can answer all of them, but I would try. I promise
Until then, take care and God Bless
Joyful-x