Hey y'all! I really appreciate everyone who is still reading this story and takes the time to comment! I'm so glad that y'all liked the music video! I really enjoyed writing it! Anyways I just wanted to say thank you. Happy reading.
I'm lying in my bed listening to the John Conlee version of rose colored glasses on repeat. It's 3 in the morning and my body is physically exhausted but my mind is awake and I can't sleep. It's been 5 weeks since the night I showed up at Deacon's door and told him I was in, all in. Since then we've spent every day and night together. In such a short amount of time I've grown dependent upon him to sleep again. I'm lying alone and wide awake tonight because he had to fly back to Nashville early this morning. Scarlett called him in the middle of the night in a panic. Someone had broken into their house. Scarlett looked around and didn't find anything missing but they had destroyed the living room and kitchen. Glass from the windows shattered all over, and the TV smashed. She sent Deacon pictures and the rooms looked like a disaster. She tried to sound calm over the phone, but you could tell from her voice she was really shaken up so Deacon went to see her.
As I lie awake in my bed listening to one of my favorite songs of all times singing along to the chorus,
But these rose-colored glasses
That I'm looking through
Show only the beauty
'Cause they hide all the truth
I start thinking about this last month. So much has changed for us. We've gotten back into our touring routine. We're performing at night most days out of the week. Our shows are transitioning with time due to our relationship changing. Our chemistry is coming out like it did in the beginning and everyone in the room can see it and they are responding to it. The after parties are intense and we never stay long anymore. When we first announced our tour, there was a lot of media attention around it. But most of it was just questions because no one ever expected us to do this kind of tour again. But after we release our music video, the media amplified very quickly. Our video went viral in minutes with millions of downloads. The final thing was amazing, it told our story and we got to share it in our way. It was beautiful and true and both of us were very proud of it.
Every night after we escape the wondering eyes and whispers of the party he comes back up to my room and we spend time alone together. We've needed this one on one time to rediscover who we are to each other as a couple. The video was our way of therapy and we were able to accept our past and embrace the good and the bad of both of us. Now we are relishing in this time we get to be us with, no kids, no Teddy, and no paparazzi manipulating our relationship into some kind sleazy affair.
Two weeks ago, Deacon took me on our first official date. Since we weren't performing in big stadiums on this tour, our nose bleed section ritual got altered just a little bit. We sit or stand in the back of the event space as far away from the stage as we can get. We were standing there side by side just looking at the stage, both of us silent when he reached for my hand. I squeezed it tightly and turned my head from the stage to him.
"Rayna Jaymes, will you go on a date with me?"
slight chuckle "A date? Like a real date?"
"Yes, a real date. You get dressed up, I pick you up and take you out. And at the end of the evening I walk you back to your door and if I'm lucky you invite me into your room."
"Deacon Claybourne I would love to go on a date with you."
He looked to his left and then to his right and bent down to kiss me. It was quick but sweet. We were both smiling when we pulled apart.
Two days later we had a day off from performing and traveling so we went out. I was nervous getting ready. Which made me feel ridiculous, I've been on hundreds of dates with him, we've spent every day of this tour together, he's seen me at my worst, there was no reason to be nervous but I was. I'm looking at my clothes pile and can't find anything to wear. I have no idea where we were going, he wouldn't tell me so I don't know if I need to dress down and more comfortable or fancy with a lot of make-up. Plus, I also needed to be dressed in somewhat of a disguised so that no one would recognize me. It felt like I was getting dressed blind. He told me to be ready at 7, but it was 7:30 and I was staring at my clothes spread out all over in my bra and panties with my hair still in curlers lost in my sea of madness.
I finally settled on a pair of black distressed jeans, my black boots, a dark green blouse with the top covered in black lace. Over it I wore a black leather jacket and a fedora hat to hide my face. He showed up just as I was finishing the final touches and we headed out. We were in New York so I imagined we would do a nice dinner and end up walking in the park but Deacon surprised me. He had a whole evening planned, outside of the normal. We started out going to an Escape the Room. We had to work together to get out of some Victorian home. It tested both of our patience and at one point he snapped at me out of frustration. He apologized right after, but I gave him some sass in response. We fought a little but I tried to stay calm and remind myself that it was just a game. We ended up escaping with 1 minute and 42 seconds left to spare. I think if we had been trapped for much longer we would have been at each other's throats. An hour was a good time limit, a happy medium. Once we escaped and took our picture we realized the game was actually a lot of fun. It was unlike anything we'd done before. We even got to stop being adults with responsibilities for a little while and became kids again and play a game.
After we escaped, he took me somewhere else and the games continued. He took us to an arcade. We played basketball, he won that one, I've never been good at sports. We raced against each other on Mario Kart, I won that one but only because I hit him with a red shell right before the finish line gaining an advantage. We played ski ball and laser tag and so many others. It was exciting to be competitive and playful with one another. He did an amazing job planning our date night. We laughed for the majority of the night, and we were flirty more than we normally are out in public. He would hold my hand as we walked, and he would kiss me anytime he felt like it. At one point during the night, not caring if people stared, he pulled me by my jean loops up against the air hockey table and we made out for a few minutes. I felt 16 again, just completely and totally mesmerized by him.
I rolled over to grab my iPad because it pinged with a message. Deacon, "I can't sleep without you next to me." I text back "Me neither." It made me feel better knowing he was missing me just as much as I was missing him. He's been gone for less than 24 hours but it feels so much longer. What were we going to do when this tour ends in a few weeks? When I have the girls, he isn't going to be able to stay over. I don't even want him in that room when they aren't there. That was Teddy and I's room, our bed. It doesn't seem right to have him up there with me and just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. And I can't go over and stay with him when they are with Teddy either, because Scarlett lives there too and I wouldn't want to make her feel uncomfortable in her own home. How am I going to get any sleep when we get back to Nashville?
I fell asleep worrying about our return home and woke to a knock at the door. I didn't order room service. Who could that be? I checked the clock, it was 7:30 in the morning! Seriously!?
"Coming!"
I got up throwing Deacon's flannel he left for me over my tank top. I didn't look through the peep hole I just opened up the door and gasped at the person standing on the other side.
"Oh my god! What are you doing here you crazy person!?"
He walked in dropping his bag and picked me up. He spun me around and kissed me.
"I missed my girl."
He set me down and I kept my arms wrapped around his neck.
"Is that right?"
"Mhmmm."
He kissed me again and I walked us back to the bed.
I turned him so that his back was facing the bed and I slowly began to undress him letting the anticipation of our reunion grow. I unbuttoned his flannel and pushed it off his shoulders letting it drop to the floor. He raised his hands and I lifted his grey t shirt over his head. Next I unbuckled his belt pulling it from the loops in one swoop and threw it behind me. I threw and he pulled his boots off with his socks and I started to undress myself, but I started with my pajama shorts. Sliding them down my legs but I left my underwear on for him. As I continued my patience disappeared and I started undressing him faster. I bent down and unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans tugging them down his legs. He stepped out and I pushed my flannel off my shoulders and pulled my tank top over my head. He's down to his boxers and I'm standing before him in my bra and panties. He looks me up and down licking his lips. When his eyes meet mine again I pushed him onto the bed. He fell and I walked over straddling him. I needed him. I needed him now. I kissed him forcefully inserting my tongue into his mouth. He placed his hands on my ass but I pulled them off and held them over his head as I maintained control. I started moving my hips pushing them up and down him. I pulled my lips from his and kissed down his neck, down his abdomen, down to his boxers. I pulled them down with my teeth leaving him exposed in front of me. I came up to him and whispered,
"Flip me."
He flipped me over so that he was now on top. He looked at me waiting for further instructions.
"Pull them off."
He laced his fingers along the sides of my underwear and pulled them down inch by inch kissing my skin until he dropped them to the floor. I could feel his hands moving up, as he came back and hovered over me. I pulled his lips to mine and as I grabbed his hair my hips arched forward. I could feel him playing with my entrance, letting himself lightly touch me trying to tease me. I know he wants me to beg for him to enter but that's not what this moment is about. I'm in control. I want to show him how much I desire him. I pull his head of hair harder and flip us once more. He is under me and I am straddling him. I run his dick up and down my slits, not letting it enter all the way. I am holding it in my hand going up and down increasing the pace ever so slightly. It was hot to see how turned on I was making him. His eyes were closed and he was panting whispering Ray, begging me.
"Open your eyes."
When I saw his gorgeous blue eyes I collapsed on top of him filling him inside me. I rode him hard and fast not easing either of us into the rhythm. Up and down I was pushing faster and faster. I could feel myself climbing and I could tell from his eyes he was close too. I came first and he followed only seconds after. I collapsed on top of him feeling him empty himself into me. I got off of him after a few minutes and we laid in silence. He held me and gently kissed the top of my head brushing my hair aside.
"That's one way to welcome me back."
"Are you complaining?"
"Hell no!"
"That's what I thought."
I lifted my head up and kissed his lips once more.
"How's Scarlett?"
"She's alright. I only left her because Gunnar showed up and it didn't look like he was leaving her side anytime soon."
"That's good. Probably for the best. It's good you went. But babe what are we going to do? We couldn't even handling being separated from less than 24 hours. What's going to happen when we go home? All of this is going to change."
"You're right it is going to change but with every change we get closer and closer to being the family we've both wanted for so long. The next part is going to be hard, but what comes after that is going to be better than anything we ever had before."
"I love you so much Deacon Claybourne."
The last few weeks of the tour flew by and in the blink of an eye we were back in Nashville. We were ending the tour at The Bluebird. The show was 2 days after we got back in town. I told Teddy I would surprise the girls at the house and that they didn't need to pick me up. I wanted to ride with Deacon back to his place first, because I knew I wouldn't see him until the day of our show. So our car dropped him off first, I ran in and said hi to Scarlett and then headed home. But when I got home instead of me surprising them, they surprised me. They had a banner hanging over the entrance, they baked me a cake, and best of all they attacked me with hugs when I walked in the back door.
"My girls!"
"Mom! I'm so glad you're home."
"Me too Daphne. I missed you and your sister so much."
I let them go and Teddy walked up to me.
"Welcome back Rayna."
I gave him a hug and the girls stood around us and eventually joined in. Once our hugs finished we ate the cake they made and Maddie and Daphne each started talking and didn't stop. They filled me in on every little detail I missed. It was getting late so I tucked both of the girls in alone and sang them to sleep. Normally they hate it when I do that but the first few days after I come home from the tour they indulge me. I shut the door to Maddie's room and turned around to find Teddy standing in the door way.
"Sorry, I just wanted to check on them."
"It's fine. You can go in if you want."
"No, I don't want to wake them."
"Well, you up for a night cap?"
"Sure."
We went downstairs to the kitchen and he poured us both glasses of whiskey. We sipped slowly neither of us saying anything at first. I stared at my glass wondering where we should start or if we should even start. Our last conversation, we said pretty much everything we needed to. As I was contemplating I heard him say,
"So how was the tour?"
"It was different. The last time I sang for such small crowd's I was in my twenties. But it was good. How was it here?"
"The same, just trying to juggle taking the girls to all of their separate things. But besides that I got a job working for your dad, and I ugh I bought a house."
"You're working with Daddy?! You bought a house?"
"Yeah, he offered and I needed something for now. But the house it's about 10 minutes from here. It's nice, enough room for the girls."
"That's good I guess. So we should file soon then, in a different county to keep it out of the media as long as possible. Give the girls as much time as we can."
"Yeah I figured a few days after your show here, we sit them down and file sometime after that. But I'll be staying at my house at night and coming back here before they wake up. Give you your space."
"Ok, if that's what you want. So Teddy there is something I need to…"
"No, you don't. Your video…your video told me everything I needed to know. I'm not going to say I'm happy for you but I trust you as a mom. So I know you'll do right by them and that is all that matters. I'm gonna get going though. Thanks for the drink."
He closed the door and the size of the house washed over me, this big extravagant home I didn't want to begin with was what I was left with. It is huge, and when the girls leave me it will feel even bigger. It has a way of making me feel like a tiny nuisance; I shivered at the thought of being here alone. I brought our glasses to the sink, washed them quickly and went up to my bedroom. I left my suitcases packed in the corner and grabbed a few things from the closet. My room felt cold and foreign, I couldn't sleep in here even if I wanted too. I closed the door and went into one of the guest bedrooms. I text Deacon goodnight and forced myself to sleep.
The few days leading up to the concert were long. Normally the first few weeks feel like months as I try to transition back into their lives. In the beginning, I feel like I'm some place I don't belong. Forgetting things, making them late to places, just stumbling around trying to fit into this puzzle but my piece is the wrong size. Each tour is different and the amount of time it takes for me varies but with this tour I prepared for it to take the longest. Not only was I going to have to find a normal, I was going to have to find a new normal. I am going to have to figure out how to manage everything on my own. Basically, figure out my own system to what Teddy has to do for our daughters when I'm gone. Teddy and I are also going to have to figure out how to co parent together and all of the logistics that were going to come with that, splitting time etc. But above all of that we are going to have to be there for Daphne and Maddie individually. Even though they are close in age, they are going to react differently to the situation. Maddie being who she is will lash out and blame whoever she can. She's going to be angry and not hide it. Daphne, my sweet Daphne is going to be hurt not angry. She's going to cry the hardest and be the most confused. And it's our jobs as their parents to comfort and help them however we can. I won't be able to shield them from their pain but hopefully I'll be able to help them navigate and channel it into something positive.
It was the day of the concert and the girls said they wanted to come, but Teddy made up the excuse of work to get out of coming. I understood, but the girls were disappointed. To make it up to them I said that I would let them perform one song. Their faces light up brighter than Christmas morning. I picked the girls up that day and their excitement was radiating. I had never seen them smile so much in their lives. They got in the car and started talking about the song they chose and the outfits they were going to wear. We were getting ready at the house and driving over early. But since they are my daughters, I knew them picking the perfect outfit would take way longer than it should.
I was ready rather quickly. I kept it casual with a pair of light blue jeans and my turquoise I love you belt, with my brown boots and a simple white blouse. I did my hair curly but kept my make up to a minimal. Once my clothes were on I went down stairs to the music room. I grabbed the Deacon box from its place and pulled out my forever bracelet. I clasped it on my wrist and ran my fingers over the letters.
"MOMMMMMM!"
I closed the box and dashed upstairs.
"What? Are you ok? Maddie?! What's wrong?"
Standing in front of me is this little girl in a t shirt, with a panicked look all across her face. Clothes are thrown everywhere, you would have thought a tornado came and tore this room apart.
"I have nothing to wear! We should have skipped school and went shopping!"
"Madison Miranda! I thought something serious happened with you screaming bloody murder like that!"
"This is an emergency!"
"No it's not. You have plenty of clothes. I'm sure we can find something."
"No mom! I've pulled every piece of clothing out of my closet! I have nothing!"
Daphne comes skipping in. She's in a colorful dress and black ankle boots.
"Y'all ready?"
Maddie shoots her sister an evil glare.
"Do I look ready?"
"Madison! Stop being rude to your sister. I think you should wear a simple dress to coordinate with Daphne a little. Maybe your sleeveless black one with a jean jacket over it and boots."
"That actually sounds really cute!"
"I'll pretend like I don't hear the shocked undertone of your voice. Meet us downstairs when you are done."
Thirty minutes later we were out the door and shuffling into the car. We walk in and my eyes instantly find Deacon. I guess the girls did the same thing because they ran off towards him before I could stop them. Chrystal pulled me over to the bar chatting me up but I position myself to look at the three of them. He's talking to this attractive brunette and she is flipping her hair while resting her hand on his shoulder. She is clearly flirting with him, and if I'm being honest I can't blame her. Deacon has always been an attractive man and even now he pulls every girls attention in any room he's in. I felt a little jealous but when he heard the girls scream his name he pushes away from her and it made me smile. He bends down and scoops both of them into a hug. He's hugging them and talking to them and I pull myself from Chrystal and head their direction.
"Sorry, they saw you and took off before I could stop them. We didn't mean to interrupt."
"No worries! It's never a bad time for a hug from my two favorite girls. I was just filling Andrea in on the set list plan for tonight."
We stood talking to her for a few minutes but I ushered the girls off. Later Deacon joined us and gave me a hug hello. He had this sly grin on his face telling me he knew I was jealous. I hate that grin sometimes. I hate that he makes me jealous. But what I hate most of all is not being able to tell that girl that he's mine.
We started sound check and Deacon was helping Maddie with her guitar. I stood watching from the side in aw as he takes the time to show her a chord transition. I was never good at guitars, even with the greatest guitarist I knew trying to teach me I managed to get worse with each lesson. But Maddie, she takes after my mom. She can hear a song once and pick up the general chords after a few tries. She's like me in some ways, but I see so much of my mom in her. Not necessarily in her appearance, although she has her eyes, but in the way that she feels deeply. It doesn't matter what emotion whether its joy or sadness she expresses it at an intense level. I think because she feels everything so extremely it also correlates to her solidarity. She'll go off on her own, with her guitar and sort through her emotions and translate it through music. It's a beautiful process that I get a front row seat to. As we were wrapping up I turned to them and said,
"Hey girls we got some time to kill, y'all up for learning a song?"
"Yes!"
"Ok. Deacon and I will start and y'all jump in the second verse. You'll recognize the lyrics and Maddie you can just mimic Deacon's hands. You'll catch on by the chorus."
I whispered in Deacon's ear and he smiled.
Sittin' here tonight
By the fire light
It reminds me I already have
More than I should
I don't need fame
No one to know my name
At the end of the day, Lord I pray
I have a life that's good
Two arms around me
Heaven to ground me
And a family that always calls me home
Four wheels to get there
Enough love to share
And a sweet sweet sweet song
At the end of the day
Lord I pray
I have a life that's good
Sometimes I'm hard on me
When dreams don't come easy
I wanna look back and say
I did all that I could
Yeah at the end of the day
Lord I pray
I have a life that's good
Two arms around me
Heaven to ground me
And a family that always calls me home
Four wheels to get there
Enough love to share
And a sweet sweet sweet song
At the end of the day
Lord I pray
I have a life that's good
At the end of the day
Lord I pray
I have a life that's good
The last two chorus repeats I let Maddie and Daphne take because I wanted to close my eyes and remember. I wanted to remember being a young naive girl in love with this boy from Mississippi with not even 20 dollars to his name singing about the family he wanted us to have. We may not have gotten to this moment the way either of us planned but we are here. We have two beautiful and talented girls and I am more in love with this man than I was back then.
"You wrote that song right Uncle Deacon?"
"I did Maddie, a long long time ago."
"I've always loved that song, Me and Daphne."
"Thank you. It's always been one of my favorites. Come here, I want to show you and your sister something."
The girls and I hopped off of our stools and followed him to the wall. I had my arms resting over both of their shoulders when he pointed up to an old picture of the two of us. I blushed because I look so young in that picture and my hair is straight and my natural curly.
"You see this picture here?"
"Mhmm."
"This was taken when I was 22 and your mom was 19. I had just written that song maybe a year before this picture was taken. So 23 years ago maybe, God Ray we're old."
We all laughed, and I rolled my eyes at Deacon. We continued to hang out until the start of the show. There were a few opening acts before us, and I had originally wanted Maddie and Daphne to go before us but last minute I changed my mind. I wanted to introduce them to the stage for the first time so that meant they had to go after us. They didn't mind, I honestly think I am more nervous than they are. We sat at a table towards the front together and enjoyed the groups before us. But after all of them were done, Pam Tilly came out and introduced us.
"Now I don't think these two need an introduction but we are going to give them one anyways. They are considered in high regard when it comes to country duets. Like Loretta Lynn and Conway or Dolly and Kenny Rogers these two have a chemistry that will forever link them. Please help me welcome Deacon Claybourne and Rayna Jaymes back up to the stage that started it all."
We walk up hand in hand and I can't help but think she's right, this is the stage that started it all. It not only started our musical careers but every big moment of our lives comes back to this sacred building. This was the place I first laid eyes on him. The first time I ever heard him play, the first time he ever heard me play. The first time we played together, and where we continued to play new songs for the first time. He gave me my first gift, the forever bracelet I was wearing tonight over at the bar. This place holds so many memories of us, it is a piece of us.
We sat side by side singing and I held this gratitude inside of me that made me feel complete. We started with Already Gone and Changing Ground and then went to This Love Ain't Big Enough. After we went into the ballads. I told Deacon I wanted to start with The End of the Day, followed by The River Between Us and No One Will Ever Love You. Ending with Every Little Thing. As we finished I looked around and there was not a dry eye in the house. Everyone was crying and standing while clapping. It felt like with this performance we got to go back in time and remember the good parts of what started here, remember the sacred memories. But as we ended with our most recent hit we started our new chapter in the same exact place we started the first one. It was symbolic and even though our tour was officially over as the claps faded, it wasn't marking the end of anything but the beginning of something more.
"Thank y'all so much. Deacon and I are honored to end our tour here. Most of you know how special this place is to both of our hearts, and we couldn't have imagined doing it anywhere else."
"Ray's right we are truly honored to be here on this room, with these people. I think I speak for both of us when I say it's truly amazing and humbling that we get to continue to tell our story and make more memories on this stage."
"Absolutely, and speaking of making new memories. I'm about to do something that might be one of the proudest moments of my life. Which is introduce my daughters Maddie and Daphne Conrad to the stage, for the first time. So please put your hands together and give these gorgeous and talented young ladies a proper Bluebird welcome!"
Deacon and I embraced them as the crowd applauded. We stepped off the stage and stood to the right. I grabbed Deacon's hand and grasped it tightly. They look amazing and it is beyond moving to see them up there.
What do you need that you don't have?
What have you lost and can't get back?
What if I promised it'll be alright?
It'll be alright
Cause we got a love
Oh, we got a candy-apple red
Sweet, steady as a heart beat
Love, oh, me and you
We got a love
Oh we got the will of a tall pine
Once in a lifetime love
Oh, me and you
He leans his head down to my ear and whispers,
"Our daughters are amazing."