A/N So ok I had to make it Christmas (sorry it's a few days late I got a bug!) cause I wanted to write Noah's first Christmas with Olivia and Amanda and their first Christmas together – I might even make it Christmas in every story I write from now on (I won't I promise!).

3 months later

Amanda was tangled in a length of fairy lights, starting around one arm, inexplicably running through a belt loop and finally trailing on the ground. Olivia sat on the sofa biting her lip, trying not to laugh but it was too hard. She stood and approached the blonde kissing the tip of her nose before helping her untangle herself from the lights.

The little pout Amanda gave her was adorable and Olivia likened it to Noah. "You two seriously know how to guilt trip me you know that?"

"We practice when you're asleep"

"It appears you need to spend less time practicing your pouting and more time practicing putting up Christmas lights up"

"I had it, there was just this las…" Amanda reached behind her and tangled her arm into another loop of light. Sighing she held up her hands in resignation "I give up. These things were sent from hell to torture people at Christmas for believing in Jesus"

Olivia laughed "I'm not sure the conspiracy is quite that big but you keep believing whatever makes you happy"

Amanda shook herself free of the last of the lights and wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck kissing her softly "This makes me happy"

"And this" swiping her arm around the open plan living room "this makes me very happy"

It had taken them three months to find a home to call their own. And they had just closed the deal in time for them to spend Christmas together. It wasn't luxurious by any stretch. And the commute was slightly further than either had planned on, but when they put Noah down on the floor when they walked in, he pulled himself up on a sofa and decided it would be a good idea to show off, taking his first steps right where they were standing. They knew then they had to take it.

Everything had been baby proofed and stair gates had been installed. Noah was finding some ingenious ways of getting into things still, the huge tomato sauce stain on the carpet in his room was testament to that.

But the sandbox in the small backyard was by far his favourite place to be. Amanda insisted they take him to the beach during the summer since he seemed to enjoy the sand so much.

Right now however he was sitting by the floor to ceiling window in an elf onesie squealing as he watched the first threats of snow beginning to fall.

Slapping the glass he got Frannie's attention. She ran over to see he was ok, she'd become quite the over protective big sister. Realising he was only playing Frannie lay down on the floor beside the walker and they watched as small snowflakes fell, not yet the flurry of snow that had been promised, but the threat was there.

"Now lets get these Christmas tree lights up"

The tree was standing proudly in the corner, slightly too big but Olivia gave into the blonde when she said they never had a decent Christmas tree in their house. And so this one touched the ceiling and took up a quarter of the living room. It needed to be that big for all the presents Noah had gotten however. And there were more to come. Olivia had decided that since it was their first Christmas together she wanted to spend it with her SVU family. Zara was with Maria so Nick was joining them, along with Fin, Cragen, Eileen, Munch, Murphy if he wasn't going home and Barba. It was going to be a busy house but it was just the way Olivia wanted it; well almost. She needed to finish decorating it first.

Noah rolled over and was about to entangle himself in the lights until he was quickly whipped up by Olivia and put in his playpen. He began to object loudly until Frannie went to sit in front of it and bark playfully as he clapped his hands.

"You know I don't know why you pay for a crèche. We could just leave him with Frannie all day, they'd be fine"

Olivia laughed as she stood on the opposite side of the tree to Amanda, running the lights in a loop.

They passed under each other's outstretched arms a number of times until they reached the bottom of the tree. Amanda leaned behind and plugged them in explaining it was easier to see where the decorations should go with the lights on. Olivia wasn't about to argue with her girlfriend's weird logic so she went with it as they began to hang baubles and stars from the branches. The baubles had to stay above little hand and paw level so the bottom of the tree remained bare apart from well placed lights.

When the task was finished Amanda enveloped Olivia in a hug holding her tightly to her kissing her cheek as they looked at their accomplishment.

"Not half bad Benson. If you hadn't been a cop you probably would have made a good decorator"
"I'm too fond of the gun now, don't think I could swap it for a paintbrush"

Amanda kissed her gently resting her hand on her hip massaging through the soft cotton top Olivia was wearing. They were becoming totally lost in each other's mouths when a cell phone rang somewhere. Amanda groaned. "It's me"

Olivia nodded kissing her softy.

Lifting Noah from his playpen Olivia realised a diaper change was called for. The room they'd decorated for him was a bright green with one wall covered in the alphabet, numbers and colours charts. The sounds were there; the words however weren't fully formed. Gen, was as close to green as they'd gotten the week before.

Amanda found her a couple of minutes later.

"That was Murphy. Danny has been admitted to hospital. He tried to…"

Amanda walked over to the changing table and kissed Noah on the head.

"Shit…"
"He's ok. Fin is gona pay him a visit and see if anything happened"

Olivia felt Amanda's hip nudge her out of the way as she took over the diaper change.

"Dammit, that kid has been through too much"

Amanda felt a hand on her lower back warm and reassuring.

"Barba figures the fact Oscar flipped on Shane means we've a strong case"

"It's sad when we need to rely on another rapist to convict a case"

"He'll get what's coming to him Liv"

"I just can't understand… oh hell I need to give up trying to understand"

"Believing in karma, it's the only way I can keep doing this job"

"I need to spend more time with you, you're a good influence on me"

Amanda lifted Noah onto her hip and kissed his head again.

"We've got all the time in the world"

"We have approximately 72 hours until this house is full of people for Christmas dinner though"

"Come on we can do this. We're two NYPD detectives"

"What has that got to do with cooking a turkey?"
"Good point"

"Seriously Mand, we need to sort this"
"Liv, there were only 4 of us day to day in my family. Apart from Christmas; then there were 15. And since my Mom and Dad enjoyed a drink or 4 before 3 p.m I did a lot of the organising and cooking.

Olivia tried to hide the sadness but Amanda was able to read her too well now.

"Don't feel too sorry for me. This might be one of the only times have drunks for parents actually helps"

Olivia didn't bother with a pitying look. She was learning slowly but surely that not all of what Amanda built up was defences. Some of it was survival; some of it was actually part of who Amanda was as a person. It made her who she was. It made her the woman Olivia loved.

"Well then we better make a grocery run because pretty soon there's not going to be any food left and we might end up snowed in".

Twenty minutes later they were bundled up in coats, jackets, hats, scarves and winter boots in Olivia's Mustang ready to battle the nightmare of Christmas crowds.

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48 hours later

Sitting wrapping the last of the Christmas presents Amanda hurried so she was finished before Olivia came home. They'd passed each other twice in the night, managing to eat dinner together once, the only meal they had enough time to sit down for. Three new cases had meant they were flat out and barely had time to sleep, one at home, the other at work for the last 40 hours. Amanda was on call Christmas day and she was praying she wasn't called in but she didn't hold out much hope. One thing she'd learned in all her years on the force was criminals didn't celebrate holidays. Or they did and then they got drunk and thought they could take on the world. It never worked.

The door opened and she hastily shoved the present she'd been wrapping down the back of the sofa.

"Hey guys, I'm home"
Noah stood and managed three steps before falling. He was getting used to it however and got straight back up. This time he made it to Olivia's legs holding on for dear life when he reached her.

"Hey baby boy. What ya up to?"

"He's not going to tell you what your Christmas present is. Nor am I. You're going to have to wait"

Olivia scowled but her face immediately morphed into a massive smile when Noah screamed "Mama" and giggled learning into kiss her cheek but getting her ear a few seconds later.

"I sorted all the vegetables, got the meat ready to pre-cook and hid the good alcohol"
"Munch will sniff it out, there's no point"

They both laughed as Olivia made her way into the bedroom to change out of the clothes she felt like she'd been living in for the last 48 hours.

She felt a wave of love when she got to the bed and realised Amanda had already laid out her favourite top and jeans for her to change into.

Emerging from the bedroom she allowed herself a minute to watch Amanda and Noah talking to each other in "Noah talk" as it was now known.

"I know your Mommy is beautiful but you're still not telling her, you hear me"
"A gah, la, gah"
"Thanks that makes me confident you're not going to talk kid"

Noah began sucking on his thumb, which they were trying to dissuade him from. So she offered him a Sippy cup of juice. Seemed kind of like replacing one with the other but Amanda realised it was time to get back to dinner prep and finishing putting the last few decorations up if they were ever to have the place ready for the next day.

As they worked in tandem in the kitchen preparing all the food for their meal they moved seamlessly, like one knew what the other was thinking. Olivia intentionally bumped into the smaller woman at one stage so she wrap her arms around her, not as an apology but just to feel the contact she'd been missing all day.

"Sorry"
"No you're not"
"I'm not"

Amanda smiled as she kissed Olivia's neck, exposed in the soft cream V-neck.

"The quicker we finish this the sooner it's food, bath and bed time, the sooner I can hold you"

Olivia groaned as she pulled away.

"Why did I agree to do this again?"
"Because you find Munch's toast's so endearing? No wait is it Fin's attempts at magic? Even Noah knows how he does the tricks"
"Don't tell him that. He learned them for him"
"Don't worry, I've no intention of turning into the Grinch and ruining Christmas"
"Good cause Munch is really only coming for the food since he doesn't really celebrate the season of good will to all men"

Olivia leaned across Amanda to sort through the seasonings and sauces they needed. "Can we open one present before tomorrow?"

Amanda swotted her arm in jest. No we most certainly cannot you're worse than our son.

Amanda stopped with the tin of peas mid air as she realised what she'd said. The 'our' hadn't been something she thought about, she just said it.

"I'm sorry… I mean he… you know what"

Amanda felt arms around her waist before she could stutter over any more words.

A soft lingering kiss followed by searing brown eyes staring into her soul telling her "our" was exactly the word to use made Amanda feel a kind of overwhelming love she'd felt only once before, when Mikey was born.

Olivia held her tight and continued to talk but Amanda was lost in the emotions running through her and didn't hear much of what was being said.

"He is ours" was the only thing Amanda heard clearly as Olivia pulled back to look at her.

"Can I slip that into conversation slowly? It's gona be kinda an awkward one to explain when we haven't even told them about us yet"

Olivia acknowledged Amanda was trying to deflect slightly with humour. She understood too that what Amanda had just said was hugely significant given that she had a son of her own already. That she would consider Noah hers meant that she considered herself a part of their life; she considered them a family. But she was going to need time with it. So Olivia went with the humour.

"Yeah that reminds me, remember we need to be dressed by the time they get here tomorrow"
"Were you planning on having Christmas morning in bed Benson?"
"Well I was planning on having you for my present Detective so yes I suppose I was"

Olivia kissed the side of her head and they returned to their respective tasks in the kitchen.

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Christmas Day

The first knock on the door garnered a loud yelp from Noah and bark from Frannie along with a yell from Olivia to Amanda to answer the door.

It was Fin, which was unusual because he wasn't usually on time never mind early. He leaned in and kissed Amanda's cheek. "I owe Amaro 20 bucks" – Fin held out a bag to Amanda for her to take and moved with her into the living area.

"Lost your bet on who'd get here first?"
"Naw, he bet me 20 you'd already moved in, I said you weren't at that point yet"

Amanda blushed as Fin winked at her.

"Please you didn't think we noticed you sneaking off for "coffee" together". The air quotes he did made Amanda laugh.

"Seriously though, you two start making out or anything and I'm gona have to leave cause that's just like seeing my sisters…"

Amanda slapped him on the arm before he had the chance to continue.

"Where's your other half?"
"She's getting Noah ready. I say ready this is the second set of clothes he's had on and it's not even 1. Usually we'd let him roam around in the dirty ones but you know company an' all"

Fin chuckled "Mind if I go back and say hi?"
"Sure. First door on the right at the end of the hall is Noah's room"
Fin began to walk away and then turned back hugging the small blonde to him "You take care of each other alright? Not many good ones left out there and with you two off the market the pool just got much smaller".

"Thanks Fin"

Straightening up Fin moved away again and made his way down the hall shouting out Olivia's name as he went. He didn't want to walk into the wrong room. Regardless of how much he loved these two women the thoughts of underwear and … no his mind stopped him from going further … laying on the floor made him want to make sure he found the right room.

There was another knock on the door and Amanda opened it to a very warmly wrapped up Munch in a winter coat to his knees, his head ensconced in a Russian style hat with a fur lining.

"Detective Rollins, you're early". He leaned to give her a hug.

"I uh… yeah I am. Liv needed some help with the Turkey and you know how it is…" she was waffling and she knew she was. How would he know how it is? She didn't even know what she was talking about.

Munch just nodded as she walked him into the living room where he placed a gift for Noah under the tree. He may not have celebrated the season but even Munch couldn't resist buying a present for the little boy he considered almost like a nephew.

"It's only a teddy"
"I'm sure he'll love it"
"Where is the little tyke?"
"Liv is getting him dressed"

As she said it Olivia appeared in the doorway.

"Correction I was. His Uncle Fin said his shirt didn't match his trainers so they're searching through the wardrobe for a better fit. John" Olivia opened her arms and enveloped the older man in a warm embrace. It had been some time since they'd seen each other, not long after everything with Lewis had ended. The Sargent had been deeply worried about how Olivia was coping but he'd been getting secret updates from Fin on how she was doing, as he knew she'd never tell him the truth.

"Merry Christmas Liv" Munch indicated the present under the tree. I figured I'd just bring something small for the youngest member of the household.

"You didn't have to do that but thank you. We're going to hold off on opening presents until tonight but I'm sure we can make an exception with that once he's dressed. Although the way Fin was going on that might take a while"
"Want me to go check it out?"
Olivia gave him directions figuring two heads were better than one then remembering two heads would probably mean it'd take them longer to decide.

She felt a tug on her arm as Amanda spun her around and shut the door to the living area.

"Fin and Amaro know"
"Know what"
"The theory of relativity"

Olivia quirked an eyebrow and then it dawned on her

"About us? How? What?..."
"Fin didn't say. He just said he owes Nick 20 bucks"

"They were betting on us being together?"
"No they were betting on whether I'd be living here"
"Sneaky pair of…"

But Olivia wasn't angry. Instead she was slightly relieved that they didn't need to tell everyone. She wasn't afraid or ashamed of telling them. She was worried that they would take offence at not being told. Although she hadn't spoken to them yet so she decided to reserve judgment until then.

Leaning in she claimed a quick kiss from Amanda before heading for the kitchen to try in her words to "make sure the food was edible"

Despite countless reassurances to the contrary Olivia was still concerned about everything. Amanda had laid the table the night before and the food was almost ready but Olivia was still panicking. It was her default setting and Amanda was used to it now, learning that the best thing to do was assuage it for a bit and then let it happen at a not so full-blown level.

She heard the doorbell but Olivia answered it so she took the time to make sure candles were lit and things were perfect for their guests. She chuckled as she realised a little bit of Olivia might just be rubbing off on her.

Olivia guided Cragen and Eileen into the living room and hugs and welcomes were exchanged. They were the first guests to actually sit down, followed finally by Nick ten minutes later. When Fin and Munch still hadn't appeared ten minutes after Olivia went to find them. All three were sitting on Noah's bedroom floor, the boy still not dressed, and the train set he had gotten as an early present on the floor. There was a delay on the line according to Fin just as Olivia walked in.

"There's going to be another delay and it'll be without food if you two don't get up and let me dress my child before the food goes cold and no one gets to eat"

The two men gruffed as they got up off the floor so Olivia promised they could come back and play later.

"Honestly" she said to Noah as the two detectives left "It's like having 3 kids in the house. Four if you count Amaro because he'll inevitably turn into one at some stage.

Amanda had begun to put all of the food onto large serving platters and into dishes to make things easier. Putting it all on a trolley she returned to the living room to invite everyone into the dining room, Barba having arrived in Olivia's absence and Murphy having texted his apologies but he wouldn't be able to make it.

There were moans and groans at the smell of the food as Amanda served the starters.

Olivia joined them a few minute later with a squirming Noah, who knew food time equalled time to be strapped into his high chair, not his most favourite place in the world.

However placing him beside his uncle Fin did the trick and he distracted him throughout dinner.

There was high praise for the chef, which she deflected onto Amanda who deflected them straight back onto Olivia. So they toasted the farmer who had raised such a delicious turkey for brining it to them, everyone laughing as Noah attempted to mirror their actions with his Sippy Cup.

Dessert was mince pies and cream, which everyone ate in the living room by the open fire.

This inevitably led to a rendition of "Let It Snow".

Cragen offered to help with the wash up which Olivia initially objected to. However, half way through when he offered again she relented. She hadn't seen her old Captain in months so she was more than happy of the company.

"So how are you doing Olivia?"
Olivia smiled at the silverware she was washing.

"I uh… I'm good yeah. Things are good. Noah has been a whirlwind. I love him, I just… it's just… I needed some help. I got…" Olivia didn't know how to continue this. Suddenly the bubbles on her hands became extremely interesting.

"I know about you and Rollins"
Olivia's head shot up and then she looked back down again, slightly embarrassed that he had had to find out from someone other than her.

"I'm sorry I should have told you"
"No, you don't have to tell me anything anymore Liv. I'm not the boss. I hope I'm a friend. But I understand, this is not something we would have discussed in the past"

Olivia nodded as she felt an arm around her shoulders. "I just wanted you to know I'm truly happy for you both. I know you've both had your fair share of problems, that you've found each other is I think going to only help you both. And I can only imagine how hard things were minding Noah while being captain. So I'm glad Amanda is helping out. You two are good together"
Olivia turned fully into his embrace shaking the water from her hand as she did so.

"Thanks. I was worried about tell everyone but it seems I needn't have been"

Cragen chuckled knowingly – no you can be assured everyone in there already knows.

Moving back to the sink she asked simply "Fin?"
"Uh-huh. Well he told Munch and Munch told me"

"Figures"
"Don't be too hard on them. I think they just wanted to save you having to do it yourselves"

Olivia nodded, she was actually glad that it had worked out as it had.

Returning to the sitting room some time later they walked into the middle of a game of charades. Fin, Munch and Barba were taking on Amanda, Eileen and Noah. Given the slightly unfair distribution of teams Olivia and Cragen joined Amanda and Eileen as their third team member was beginning to fall asleep in Amanda's arms, the teddy Munch had brought for him wrapped in under his arm.

The game went on for an hour Barba eventually calling it a draw to prevent all out war.

Amanda put Noah down in the last evening and chat turned to work for a while before Eileen reminded them that it was the holidays and therefore work was off limits as a discussion topic.

Olivia was moving around non-stop, making sure everyone had everything. Eventually Fin instructed Amanda to "sit on her" to stop her moving around and serving everyone.

He stuttered as he realised what he said but everyone laughed it off.

Their guests stayed until a reasonable hour and Olivia and Amanda bid them goodnight one by one at the door. Each imparted with various pearls of wisdom and Fin offered himself and Amaro for babysitting duty some night so they could have a night out. Olivia hugged him tightly and told him he could count on a phone call.

When they were alone in the house save for a dozing toddler the two women regarded the presents.

"You know we probably should have gotten around to opening these this morning – it's going to be tomorrow before he gets to open anything now"

"Well blondie, it's not my fault I was distracted this morning. I had everything planned. But then someone woke me with a kiss somewhere I wasn't expecting and my plans went out the window"
Amanda's mind wandered for a moment, back to the bed that morning and the feel of Olivia as she came in her mouth, the strangled scream as she tried not to wake Noah.

"You know I aim to please"

She winked and indicated the tree with her head "do you want to open anything?"
"I want to give you your present from me. Does that count?"
Amanda's eyes twinkled as she they made their way to sit under the tree.

Olivia reached in to the back past the pile of presents for Noah and found the present.

Handing it to her girlfriend she held her breath as she opened the card. Inside were concert tickets for Lady Antebellum who were playing a concert in the city in the New Year. There was also an early edition of Alice in Wonderland, a book Olivia knew Amanda loved as a child.

She hugged the brunette tight and kissed her hard as a thank you.

"I hope you like it" she said as she reached behind the sofa where she'd discarded the hastily wrapped present the night before and forgotten to remove it.

Olivia didn't need to unwrap the long box, just undo the ribbon. She knew it was jewellery by the shape of the box. When she opened it and saw the locket with the long silver chain and ornate detail she felt tears in her eyes. Opening it she looked at the two pictures, one of Noah when he had come to her first and one of her and Amanda on a lazy afternoon in the park. The tears fell then and she felt strong arms around her.

"Crap, next year I'm getting you a vacuum cleaner or something"

Olivia laughed in the blonde's arms

"I'm sorry," she said into her neck "It's just beautiful"

"I'm glad you like it"

Amanda kissed her temple and took both her hands as she stood them up.

"I think it's time for bed. I want to try something else I bought for Christmas"
Olivia's eyes widened in surprise and then she giggled.

"Where is it?"
"Oh that's part of the fun. I hid it"
"Amanda Rollins, if only people knew"
Rollins leaned in to whisper "they never will, because I have ways and means of keeping you quiet Benson"
Olivia shuddered as she felt the hand on her lower back guiding her towards the bedroom.

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A/N Apologies for any spelling or grammar errors – this is the first day I've been able to see straight in about a week.