As always sorry for the wait. Uni isn't as fun as I thought it would be and there's way more work :( woe me. Anyway... This chapter is a brief in-sight into the 3rd year summer, some means of an explanation as to why Peter did what he did, annnnddd Remus's first kiss!

Part eleven: Words, weddings and self-control

Peter looked at his mother, confused. His father had just had an argument with his uncle and it had been very uncomfortable to watch. What made it even worse was that despite the fact he thought his uncle was right, and he was sure his mother would've agreed with him, she was siding with his father and had made it clear that she also expected Peter to side with him.
"What's wrong Peter?"
"Dad's wrong. You know he is, so why are you agreeing with him?"
"Well honey, as you grow older you'll realise two important things; sometimes we have to do something wrong, like lying, to help the people that we love. I might seem like the immoral thing to do, but it doesn't matter so long as the end can justify the means."
"And the second?"
"Self-preservation. Even above your friends, because if you're not okay then how can you help them?"
Peter sat and mulled over his mother's words, taking them deeper to heart than she intended and then he realised.

….

Remus sat tapping his foot - he had too much nervous energy. He reread the letter that Julian had sent him for what must have been the hundredth time.

Dear Remus,

I hope that your summer is going well and that you're managing to avoid the sun! I've just arrived back from in France with the parents. Anyway – I was wondering if you'd like to meet up next week. On Friday? There's a park about half way between the two of us called Conolley Park, do you know it? Anyway, let me know if you're free and want to meet. I look forwards to your reply.
From Julian x

Remus found himself fixated by the letter. Julian's writing was a lot neater than it usually was and he wrote in bright blue ink instead of the boring black which he had to at school, constrained by convention. Of course Remus had replied straight away, but as soon as he had sent the owl he regretted it, but he couldn't get it back now, and so he was meeting Julian.

Remus sat on a park bench looking at a book. Looking because he couldn't concentrate enough to actually read it. After what seemed an eternity, but was equally far too soon a shadow stood over Remus, who looked up so quickly that it had been clear he was not really reading. Julian grinned at Remus's discomfort and plopped down next to him.
"Don't laugh at my social ineptness!"
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to!"
Remus frowned as he eyed Julian up and down. He was a darker shade of his already golden skin.
"Come on, let's sit on the grass."
They walked around for a bit until they found a spot which was partially shaded. Julian took a blanket out of his satchel and laid it out on the ground.
"So prepared." Smirked Remus.
"As always."

The two boys lounged on the blanket, at first it was slightly awkward, but as soon as they started talking they fell at ease. They spoke of anything and everything, whatever popped in to their heads. They told each other each other about their holidays thus far, they spoke of shared past anecdotes and jokes. They talked about their families and when they had ran out of things to say they sat in contented silence.

Julian shuffled uncomfortably then sighed causing Remus to raise his eyebrows at his friend.
"What, I can't get comfortable." He moved so he was perpendicular to Remus then rested his head on the werewolf's stomach. Remus flinched and sat up quickly then lay down again and tried to relax.
"Is this ok?" Julian asked looking up in to Remus's eyes, the werewolf nodded, tilting his head back so he could break eye contact. Of course it should have been fine: Remus, James, Peter and Sirius were always touching each other, laying on each other, they always had some form of contact - it was as if all concepts of personal space had been left back in the first year, and Remus would often be a pillow for one of the other boys, but for some reason it was different with Julian. It wasn't uncomfortable exactly, it just wouldn't stay at the back of his mind and kept forcing its way to the front.

Remus kept staring at the head in his lap. Looking at how truly black his hair was, how thick and straight and shiny. Remus wanted to touch it and before he realised what he was doing he had run his fingers through Julian's hair and cupped the back of his head. The Ravenclaw didn't think it was weird or say anything about it, he just leaned back in to the other boys touch.

Growing comfortable with the situation Remus looked around them for the first time. What he saw made him chuckle.
"What is it?"
"Well I've only just noticed, but we're surrounded by stoner muggle couples."
"So we are. But it's 1974 Remus, are you really surprised?"
"No, now you mention it, not at all."
They looked at each other and laughed.
"Come on." Julian said, standing and pulling Remus with him in one fluid motion. "Let's go get ice cream."

They stood in the queue of the ice cream van, arguing the whole time, but Julian won when it came to paying, by shoving Remus's muggle money down the werewolf's top then pushing him out of the way and blocking the hatch. He exchanged the odd money for the two ice creams and then handed one to a pouting Remus.
"Fine you can pay next time, I promise."
"Oh and who says they'll be a next time eh?"
"I do. And trust me. There will be."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah?"
"Yes ok! Yes!"
"Fine!"
"Fine."
"Good then."
"Ok."
"We should move."
"Definitely."
Remus was flushed. Had Julian just flirted with him and implied that this was a date? He suddenly felt a bit nauseous, but it wasn't an entirely bad feeling.

The sun was beginning to set and both boys knew they needed to go home but neither of them really want to leave.
"It's late." Said Remus. "We'd best be going."
The two boys shifted awkwardly then stepped in for a hug.
"See ya then."
"Yeah see ya."
The boys walked away in opposite directions. Both with grins on their face.

….

Sirius was freaking out. Andromeda's wedding wasn't for another six hours but he was still stressed. The four marauders were going to be staying at the hotel where the ceremony was taking place and they had checked in early so that they could get ready. Each room held a double bed so they had to share: James and Peter, and Sirius and Remus, but the two rooms adjoined and the doors were open so that they could flit about freely.

Sirius had been standing in front of the mirror for the past fifteen minutes trying to tie his cravat. Next door James and Peter where jumping up and down on the bed which was clearly irking him. Remus got up off the bed where he was lounging and went to stand next to Sirius.
"Here let me. I can't do it face on though, I'll have to stand behind you."
He reached his arms around Sirius's neck and made short work of the knot, his arms lingered there a bit longer than they needed to.
"Thanks." Said Sirius letting out a deep sigh. "How'd you know how to do that? And do you think they'll stop any time soon?" He flicked his head in the direction of the other two boys.
"Well it's pretty similar to a tie, and I actually wear mine. And those two? No chance! I should probably get dressed right?"
"Yeah, maybe then they'll take the hint."
Remus dressed quickly then stood next to Sirius to tie his own tie. Sirius still looked anxious.
"Calm down. Anyone would think you're the one getting married. I expected you to be going on about how hot you are in this suit or something."
"So you think I'm hot eh?"
"That's more like it!"
"You just watch I'll be pulling all the bridesmaids tonight."
"I severely hope not, I have to share a bed with you!"
"Well of course we'd include you. If you're in to that. I mean-"
Before he could continue a pillow had landed in his face.
"Remus you'll crumple my shirt!"

Several hours later the boys were sitting in their pews, Sirius stood just in front of them with the other groomsmen, palms sweating. He was still stressing about his hair five minutes before Andromeda was due to walk down the aisle, but thankfully Remus was on hand to run to the rescue with a hair band and tied it up in a neat bun for him.

The ceremony was beautiful and even James found himself welling up a bit. After the ceremony there were the photos and then the speeches. After Teddy had insisted several times, and it was clear that he wasn't going to give up Sirius was forced to give one of his own.
"I don't really know what to say about Andromeda and Ted that hasn't already been said." He blushed a little, suddenly fully aware that he was just a fourteen year old in a room full of adults. "Andromeda was the first friend I ever truly had, mainly because neither of us liked or sibling, but that's another story. Anyway… She's as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside, which I know sounds hard but it's true. She's the person that taught me right from wrong when I was growing up and how to be as strong and accepting as she is, really every positive attribute that I have I have her to thank. And she really couldn't have found a better match than Teddy who is the loveliest, kindest man I've ever met. Anyway, yeah, so, I wish you both so many happy years together."
He cringed when he sat down. "That was so goddam awful."
"No it wasn't!" Remus said, squeezing his hand. "Anyway, it's time to party now, so cheer up!"

Remus flopped down on to a chair exhaustedly. They had been dancing for a good two hours. He sat now sipping a glass of champagne and watching his friends dance. After a few minutes Sirius joined him, taking off his jacket and removing his tie.
"How can an open marque be so bloody hot?!" He asked as he sat down and took Remus's glass off him. Once he had drained it he refilled it and passed it back.
"Why thank you kind sir. I see you haven't pulled any ladies yet?"
"Ah well the night is still young. No not really, I took what you said to heart and thought I could manage for one night."
"Well I commend you for it."

They sat in silence watching the dancers, Remus mainly following the newlyweds as he sipped his drink.
"She really is beautiful."
Sirius didn't reply, Remus had expected him to make a joke about her being taken or the fact that she was his cousin but he didn't.
"I hope I fall in love with someone like that." Sirius said quietly almost as if he was thinking aloud.
"Me too." Said Remus glassy eyed. "I can't wait till they have children, they'll be such amazing parents. Maybe she'll be able to make up for her own childhood." To an outsider it would seem like Remus was talking out of turn, but he knew so much about the Black family that it wasn't the case.
"Well I don't think you'll have to wait too long." Sirius replied.
"What do you mean? Is she?"
"I think so. I mean she is glowing and she's not had a drink all day despite the fact she loves champagne."
"Well I hope so. I can't wait to have kids. Well obviously not now, but when I'm older."
Sirius sat his glass down and looked at Remus.
"Really?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I dunno, I guess I'd just never thought of you grown up and with kids, that's it. You really want them?"
"Yes! A fuck ton of the little brats. Running around tripping up my ankles, taking care of me as in my old age." Suddenly the werewolf's face dropped.
"But?"
"But you have to find someone who want to have kids with you and I'm sure that'll go down well when they realise what I am. Plus there's the possibility that it might be hereditary, so that fucks my plans." He picked his glass up again and drained it.
"Stop talking bullshit Remus. If you really want to have this talk we can do it another time, but we really don't need to. Come on, let's dance."

Remus wobbled a little as he stood up.
"Bit much bubbly?"
"Maybe."
They were half way on to the dance floor when the current song finished, so they stopped where they were, ready to dance. It was a slow song – hey Jude – Remus grinned lopsidedly at Sirius and put his arms around the purebloods neck, he in turn snaked his arms around Remus's waist and the two of them began to sway gently. Remus leaned in to Sirius, placed his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes. He inhaled deeply. "You smell nice. Like smoke and leather and whisky. So masculine."
Sirius chuckled and pulled away to look Remus in the eye. Remus leant forwards again until their foreheads touched. "Do I smell nice?"
"Yes Remus you do, now come on let's get you to bed, I think you're drunker than you realise."

Once back in their room Remus sat on the edge of the bed with his head lolling. Sirius managed to help Remus undress and put his pyjama trousers on but Remus wouldn't let him put his top on.
"Fine, fine you be half naked then! Now go on get under the covers. Good. I'm going back down now."
"No! Please stay Sirius. Just till I fall asleep." He hit the space next to him with his arm and smirking Sirius complied. He didn't even complain when Remus pulled his arms around him so Sirius was the big spoon, his hands under Remus's.
"Good night Remus." He said, but the werewolf had already drifted off.

….

Remus kept finding excuses to talk to Julian, asking questions which he already knew the answer to, or could easily be found in textbooks, sometimes even asking the same question in multiple letters, but he couldn't help himself. And every time Julian signed off he would write a single solitary kiss which always made Remus grin and blush and he was happy no one else could see.

Remus opened up his most recent letter which he had just received.

Dear Remus,
Guess what day it is tomorrow? The last day of our potions project! You're probably grumbling because that means that you have to come over and do some work, but after that it'll all be over don't worry! If you're free could you come round about 2pm? I think some of the steps are quite complicated but I'm sure we'll be done before 4pm. If it takes much longer you can stay for dinner (my mum makes a mean lasagne!). You should already have my address unless you've managed to lose it. I'll make sure the floo network is linked between our houses for you. I look forwards to seeing you.
From Julian x

It was nearing the time that Remus had to leave and he was suddenly getting very nervous. He didn't know why the idea of going to Julian's house freaked him out so much but he couldn't relax. Maybe it was the single kiss Julian had signed at the bottom of the page, as he always did, and it always made Remus's heart rate quicken. The time came and Remus shuffled awkwardly over to the fireplace, his mother waving him goodbye as he said Julian's address.

Bright green light flared up around him as he flew quickly past lots of different fire places. When he saw the right one he exited the floo network in a cloud of ash and fell on top of a waiting Julian. The two boys started coughing uncontrollably, both unable to draw clean air in to their lungs. They were both so busy focusing on the fundamentals of life that they didn't notice the awkward position in which they had landed – one atop the other.

Eventually they managed to clear their breathing as the air finally cleared. With air clarity also came the realisation that Julian was balanced atop Remus. He rolled off him and coughed again, though this time awkwardly. He stood and offered Remus his hand which was taken without eye contact being made.
"I warned my mum about you, so we're set up in the basement, ya know in case of catastrophe. Come on, this way." As he led the way he still held Remus's hand. Remus wanted to pull it away, but he didn't because it fit in to Julian's so well.

A cauldron sat simmering downstairs in the warm room which he kidded to himself that was why his palm was sweating. As he pulled his hand away from Julian's the dark haired boy looked at Remus and away again just as quickly.

Three times Julian had to grab Remus's hand suddenly to prevent him from doing something which would have ruined months of hard work. Every time this happened the skin that Julian had touched felt like it had been held against hot coals causing Remus to jump away. It was this and the way that he enjoyed watching Julian work that made him realise. The way he would crinkle his forehead slightly when he didn't know what Remus had done wrong, the smirk he gave when he worked out how to fix it, his messily scrawled notes; completely pointless for the task, but he would squirrel his findings away for use at a later date, or maybe the way he would become dishevelled, his shirt would crumple and his hair frizz up. But perhaps best of all was the way he would inhale deeply whenever he added a new ingredient – a habit which he wasn't aware of and which Slughorn had chastised him for on several occasions, once after he had dozed off from sniffing a draught of living dead.

And that realisation was that his feelings for Julian maybe hadn't been as innocent and platonic as he had initially thought. The reason that he really kept shying away from Julian's touch was because that it felt so good and right, and he wanted more.

It might have been the bat spleens or the lacewing flies, but something was making Remus think on overtime. And it suddenly seemed like a great idea not to filter his actions. It reminded him of being drunk. Remus had to keep digging his nails in to his palm to stop himself from doing something stupid. But then Julian had to go and lean right across him. Their faces were barely an inch apart and Remus couldn't contain himself anymore. He closed the remaining distance between them and pressed his lips to Julian's. They had barely brushed and Remus had already jumped away as if burnt. Julian stared back at him wide eyed with shock, but Remus had already sprinted out of the room and thrown himself in to the fire place equally surprised at his own behaviour.