Only hope

There's a song that's inside of my soul. It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again. I'm awake in the infinite cold. You sing to me over and over again. So I lay my head back down. I lift my hands and pray.

Three weeks after Mrs. Summers had been diagnosed Buffy was reading the kids a bedtime story when she heard the phone ring. She stuck a bookmark in the book and went to answer it. She was shocked to hear a pained voice groan, "Buffy, help me."

The Slayer's voice broke. "Xander?"

The voice on the other end choked out, "Buffy, I'm at the old high school. Demons attacked, I think I broke my leg fending them off. Can you come get me?"

Buffy swallowed and tried to get rid of the lump in her throat. Once she was able to speak she calmly said, "I'll be right there. Stay where you are and don't move. I've just got to finish putting Kathy and Matthew to bed. Willow and Tara are out to dinner. Oh, and if you aren't seriously hurt you are going to get your ass kicked when I get there."

After Buffy hung up the phone she heard Willow and Tara come in the back door. She composed herself and went to meet them in the kitchen. She found the two witches making herbal tea and chatting quietly with one another.

Tara looked up and smiled at the Slayer. "Buffy, thanks for watching the kids tonight. They weren't too much of a handful, were they?"

Buffy shook her head. "They are always little angels for me. There is an emergency at the old high school. Xander's been hurt. I was reading the kids a bedtime story but now I have to go patrolling. I'm sorry I didn't have them in bed by the time you got home…"

At the mention of Xander's name Willow nearly fell out of her chair. "Buffy what happened to Xander? What attacked him; vampires, demons? Buffy…"

Tara squeezed her girlfriend's shoulder. "Honey, let Buffy talk. I'm sure Xander is fine."

Buffy sunk into a chair, "He fought the demons off that were around the area of the old school. He's got a broken leg. He'll be fine, Will. However I'm going to rip him apart for hiding from us in the first place."

When Buffy reached the place where the old school house used to be she called out Xander's name softly. She carefully walked through the debris when she heard a voice. "Slayer."

Buffy's blood boiled. Spike was the last person she needed to see right now. She grumbled without looking up. "Go away, Spike. I'm not in the mood, nor do I have the time to be kicking your sorry ass around today."

Spike surprised Buffy by saying, "I know where Xander is. I'll show you for a price."

Buffy grabbed Spike by the neck. "How is this for a price? You show me or I stake you here and now like you deserve."

Spike put his hands up in defense. "I'm not the one who hurt him, Buffy. If I hadn't come to help they'd have killed him."

Buffy put her stake away. "Just show me where he is."

Spike led Buffy into the area that looked like it had once been the library. The Slayer squinted as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Then she saw a lump lying on the floor with its left leg bent at an odd angle. Quickly she made her way over and touched her friend's shoulder. "Xander…."

Xander sat up gingerly. "So… so many…. They came… I tried…. Too slow… not Buffy…"

The Slayer gently pushed him back down. "Shh… it's alright, Xander. Let me see your leg. I'll be gentle, I promise."

Xander groaned as he straightened his leg. Buffy ran her hand over it gently. "It's badly sprained but not broken. Can you walk if I help you?"

Xander nodded weakly. "I'm sorry for everything. Leaving was a really dumb idea."

Buffy nodded her head. "It was but I'm still sorry you got hurt. As much as it pains me to say it I'm glad Spike was here. Now let's get you home."

I pray to be only yours. I pray to be only yours. I know now you are my only hope. Sing to me the song of the stars; your galaxy dancing and laughing again. When it feels like my dreams are so far sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

When Buffy brought Xander home she helped him into a chair. "You are talking to Anya, Xander. This nonsense has to stop. You two love each other so much. She's had time to calm down so maybe she'll listen this time."

Xander groaned. "Anya is the last thing I need right now. Can you just get me some ice?"

The Slayer started to answer when she saw Dawn come out of her room. Dried tears were on her face. She sniffled softly and made her way to the sink.

Buffy took her sister's hand. "Dawn? What's the matter?"

The teen shook her head. "It's nothing."

Xander spoke gently, "Dawnie, tell us what's wrong. We want to help you."

Dawn swallowed. "Mom… I wish she was home. We don't know if she'll make it. I'm so scared."

Buffy pulled her sister into a hug. "Dawn, Mom is going to be fine. I promise. Now just get back to bed."

Once Dawn was in her room Xander put his hand on Buffy's shoulder. "What's wrong with your mom?"

Buffy sniffed and tried to keep the tears from falling down her cheeks. "She's just really sick. It's nothing I can't deal with. It doesn't matter if she might die… she's not going to die. That isn't allowed to happen."

Xander squeezed his friend's shoulder. "Buffy, what do you mean she might die? What is wrong with her?"

The Slayer fell into a chair. "Brain cancer. They are going to do whatever they can but… her chances are very…"

Xander pulled Buffy into his arms. "Buff, I'm so sorry. Willow and I will take over patrol as long as you need us to. It's going to be okay."

Buffy sighed. "I don't know what to do, Xander. I mean, Mom wants to come home. She can't stand being in the hospital… I haven't slept in days. I've been so worried. If she comes home I might make a mistake with her meds and she could die."

Xander put his hand on his friend's knee. "Buffy, don't stress. It'll all work out."

The Slayer nodded, "You should go see Willow. I'm sure you guys have a lot talk about."

Xander smiled and hugged his friend. "We do but not until I'm sure that you are in bed. You look terrible, Buff. You need to get some sleep."

Buffy sighed in defeat. "Fine, I'll go to bed. There are just too many things I need to get done. The dishes, the laundry, taking the trash out… I just haven't have time to be just Buffy. When Mom comes home I'll have even less Buffy time."

Xander took the dish towel out of his friend's hand, and followed her to the bedroom. Once the Slayer was on the bed he gently took her hand. "Buffy, go to sleep. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

Buffy yawned and got under the covers. Once she was settled she asked in a soft voice, "Stay?"

Xander nodded and rubbed circles on her palm. Once Buffy was asleep he went to the room where Willow and Tara slept. He barely knocked on the door when the redhead tackled him to the floor. "Xander! Oh my God! I've been so worried."

Xander rubbed circles on the witch's back. "I'm here and I'm okay. A little banged up but I'm still your Xander. Hey, don't cry. Willow, they didn't lay a scratch on me."

Willow sniffled. "When Buffy said you were ambushed I was so scared. I was afraid it would be like Jessie. That I'd have to watch Buffy… I don't even want to remember that night."

Xander pulled Willow to him and ran his fingers through her hair. "Will, I'm here. I'm safe now. I only left to keep the gang together. I really messed things up. I had to stay away and until I came up with a way to fix it."

Willow sobbed. "Xander, you are a huge part of the gang… a huge part of me. You and Tara both… I'm nothing without you either of you."

Xander kissed Willow's forehead. "You are wrong. Buffy says you've been a wonderful mom. I know I haven't been here like I promised but…"

Willow smiled at her friend. "Of course you can see them. Xander, you can see them. Right now they are asleep… at least they should be…"

Xander looked down and saw Kathy tugging on Willow's pants crying. He bent down and picked her up. "Hello sweetie. I bet you don't remember me, but I'm your Uncle Xander."

Kathy sniffled but a small smile formed on her face. "Uncle Xander home?"

Xander smiled at his niece. "Yes honey, I'm home."

Willow went over to Xander and asked her daughter in a soft voice, "What's the matter, sweetie? What are you doing up?"

Kathy started to cry again. "I wet the bed. I'm sorry, Mommy."

Willow took her daughter from Xander and noticed her pjs were soaked. She bounced her on her hip. "It's alright, tiger kitten. Mommy will fix it. Uncle Xander will get you into some dry pjs while I change your sheets."

Xander took Kathy from Willow and carried her into her bedroom again. Then he asked her, "Do you want snowflakes or Sleeping Beauty?"

Kathy shook her head and pulled out a nightdress with a tiger cub on it. Xander helped her put it on and then took her over to her rocking chair. "How about I read you a story while mommy Willow changes your sheets?"

Kathy grabbed Charlotte's Web from the table by the chair. "Read, please."

Xander was halfway through the third chapter when Willow had the bed remade with clean sheets. Kathy had fallen asleep with her head on Xander's shoulder. Willow took her from him and placed her on the bed. Then she pulled the covers over her. "Xander, thank you so much. Without you guys I'd never be able to raise these kids."

I give you my destiny. I'm giving you all of me. I want your symphony singing with all that I am. At the top of my lungs I'm giving it all. So I lay my head back down and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours. I pray to be only yours. I know now you are my only hope.

Meanwhile Anya was staring at the phone. She missed Xander so much. She wondered if he was safe or if something had happened to him. Finally she couldn't fight it anymore and she dialed his cell number.

She wasn't expecting him to answer but he picked up on the first ring. Her heart nearly stopped when she heard the voice. "Anya? Honey, we need to talk. What happened two years ago… that was a mistake. I love you Ahn, and you are everything to me. Can I come home?"

The ex-demon sniffled. "Yes. I've missed you. Will Buffy mind if you left tonight?"

Xander sighed. "No baby. I can't come home just yet. Buffy needs me at home to help with patrolling and taking care of Dawn since her mom's been sick. Did you hear about that?"

Anya sadly answered, "I just don't understand. How does something like this happen? I mean she was fine and then all of a sudden she could die. Xander, promise me you won't die. If you are going to I want a big clock with flashing lights. I want to be able to stop it. I just don't want it to happen."

Xander wished he could wrap his arms around his girlfriend and make all of her fears go away. Instead he answered, "Alright big bomb clock. Now its time to go to sleep. I love you Anya."

After Xander got off the phone he heard Dawn call his name. He went into the teenager's room. "Dawnie? Is everything ok?"

Dawn sat up. "I'm just glad you are back. I'm worried about Buffy. She doesn't sleep much. With what happened with Mom she's even tenser…you coming back made everything better."

Xander smiled at the teenager. "You miss your mom don't you?"

Dawn nodded. "I miss her a lot. She used to sing to me and Buffy every night. Sometimes she'll do it even now. It helped me sleep at night just knowing she was there."

Xander took a seat on the bed and softly began to sing to Dawn running a hand through her hair, "Midnight moonlight shining through the curtain lace. Paints a perfect picture on your perfect face; one sweet angel sleeping in my arms. You are the promise I knew God would keep. You are the gift that makes my life complete. You'll never know how much I love you. I'll keep on telling you my whole life through. I believe in miracles and you are the reason why. Dream on while I sing you my angels lullaby."

Right before Dawn fell asleep she whispered, "I need you, Xander… we all need you."

Xander stroked her hair. "I'm here, Dawnie. I'm not going to leave again. Sleep now."