Pairings: Hisagi/Kira, Ikkaku/Yumichika, and slight Renji x Rukia
Rating: M
Warnings: There is also some OOC, language, talk of sexual content, talk of suicide, and some violence. Not to mention any errors that I may have left (I don't even have an excuse to make this time).
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, Tite Kubo does.

The door to the 9th Division office swung open as Hisagi entered the room looking straight at his lieutenant. "Ichigo!" he closed the door behind him. "Do you have any idea what you just did?"

Ichigo shook his head. "You weren't supposed to see that."

"You almost killed a captain! Do you have any idea how that looks? It looked like you wanted to take his spot as captain of the 13th Division, a division that is one of our allies!" Hisagi's voice almost broke as he kept yelling. "Then again you have no idea what we've been through…"

Ichigo snorted as he ignored his captain's overbearing presence. "It's not all about you…"

Hisagi took a deep breath as his heart raced, his muscles tightening as he tried to ignore the words that had been said to him. Every single person who turned on his, every single cold whisper about him, it all came back to him like a tsunami of pain. He closed his eyes tightly as he moved to Ichigo, his breathing becoming ragged as he tried to block everything out.

"Nothing is ever about me… I learned that a long time ago… I learned that no matter what no one is going to give a shit about me. And the one person who did… the only one who doesn't look at me differently since the accident… you tried to kill him," Hisagi's voice shook violently. "I'm worthless, I know that and now… you… you came in and made everything worse…"

"I made everything worse? Maybe you did…"

Hisagi's heart stopped. "Take that back…"

"After all you were the one who ran into the war zone, you were the one who got stabbed, you're the one who isolated yourself from the world."

Hisagi backed away as he tried to catch his breath. "I'm going to give you a chance to take that back."

"I'm not taking anything back… you need to stop blaming other people. We're all to blame for this."

Hisagi didn't know what happened next, but all that he knew was the next moment, he had pushed Ichigo to the ground, pinning him by his neck. Rage took him over, a beast that he couldn't control as he strangled Ichigo, his adrenaline rushing as he pushed Ichigo deeper into the ground.

"You think you got it all figured out. You may be captain level, but if I wanted I could silence you forever right now. Don't talk to me like that… don't even think about me like that. Understood?"

"Hisagi…"

Hisagi pushed him deeper into the ground. "All my fault, you little shit. You think this is all my fault?" Hisagi'a hand tightened until Ichigo was struggling for breath. "Maybe this is all my fault… maybe it's my fault Kira won't look at me because I'm just some crazy, homosexual, suicidal, alcoholic slut!"

"C-calm down," Ichigo choked.

Hisagi took a deep breath. "Maybe I m better off dead!"

The door then opened again, a familiar voice coming to Hisagi's side. "Hisagi-san, let go!"

Hisagi turned to catch blue eyes in his vision, his hands loosening as he saw the one man that he didn't want to see. He released Ichigo, hearing the lieutenant choke as he tried to catch his breath. All Hisagi could look at were the eyes that he had once gazed into with so much passion, his body feeling heavy as hands moved to grasp his shoulders.

He closed his eyes tightly as he moved to embrace Kira as his whole body shook, burying his face in the other captain's chest. Hisagi felt hands up against his back, feeling Kira slowly pulling him back to reality as he was slowly losing grip on himself. In his arms, he felt as though everything was slowly receding, the pain, the agony, it was all gone. He moved to look into Kira's eyes.

"It's okay… calm down…" Kira breathed softly, a soft coo passing his lips. "It's okay…"

Ichigo rose to sit up and look at the two captains. "What the hell are you doing here, Kira?"

Kira looked into Ichigo's eyes. "Saving your life…"

Hisagi took a deep breath. "Kira…"

"Shhh," Kira rubbed his back gently. "Look at me…" he moved to look into Hisagi's eyes. "You have to calm down…"

Hisagi closed his eyes tightly as he felt Kira's hand move to stroke his face. His heart slowed as he felt Kira's breath on his flesh, his arms wrapped around his body. The sensation made him fall deeper into Kira's body, running a hand through Kira's hair as he tried to catch his breath.

"Feeling better?" Kira asked as he looked into Hisagi's eyes again.

"What are you doing here?"

"You were choking your lieutenant…"

Hisagi scoffed. "And you're going to come in here and tell me more about me. I've already heard your thoughts. I'm a crazy man who's better off dead. And now you're coming in here and acting like nothing's happened between us. And it's my business and my choice in how I punish my lieutenant."

"I should leave…" Ichigo breathed as he stood up.

"No, you don't have to…" Kira looked over at the lieutenant, feeling the awkwardness he was feeling. "What are you getting at, Hisagi-san?"

Hisagi stood up as he saw the bottle that was on his desk. "Like you don't know… you know what you've been doing to me. You pick me and you put me down, you pick me up and you put me down over and over again! You give me hope just so I can fall again…"

"That's not what I'm doing…" Kira's eyes looked straight into Hisagi's. "I…"

"It's my fault you left me like that, isn't it? You're going to blame it all on me when you know that night when you came in here we had a moment. Right here on this desk!" he slammed his hand against the desk. "And you think I'll forget that. I will never forget that. I was happy. I was finally content with my life before that day. I never ever thought I would turn out like this…"

"You're life isn't as bad as you're making it out to be…"

"Easy for you to say, you never had to wake up and wonder what you're life is going to be like. You're life never changed. I have spent over a century knowing exactly what my life is, knowing exactly who I am, and then in the course of one night under the stars it all changed!"

Ichigo moved to grasp some paperwork off of the desk. "I think it's better if you leave, Kira…"

Hisagi looked into Kira's eyes. "Is that what you want to do? Love me and then turn on me. Love me and then rip my heart out of my chest with Kyouraku?"

"No…" Kira looked into Hisagi's eyes. "I would never hurt you like that…"

"You've hurt me so much before…"

"Never like that…" Kira sounded almost insulted by the accusations. "You think I want to do that to you? You think I enjoy making you upset? I know why you're acting out like this…"

"You think you have it all figured out, don't you?"

"I do… you're acting out because you want to prove to yourself that you don't need me… you want to prove that you can be happy with other people, but it hasn't worked, because when you look at me you know what you want…"

Hisagi shook his head. "Cocky little shit…"

Kira stood up and walked closer to Hisagi. "Hisagi-san…"

Hisagi closed his eyes as his fingers tightened on the desk. "Kira…"

Just as they were finally close enough to touch each other, the door opened yet again. "Hisagi-taichou…" it was Rukia. "It's Renji… he's asking for you…" it was that moment she noticed their position. "Oh… I'm sorry… am I interrupting something? I can come back later…"

Hisagi looked into Kira's eyes as he took a deep breath. "No, Kira was just leaving."

Kira shook his head. "This isn't over…"

Hisagi looked at Rukia and nodded. "Of course I can go… after all, what's more important than Abarai?"

As he walked out of the room, he didn't spare a glance at Kira. It was like he no longer existed, but in his heart, he was always going to be there.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Yumichika walked toward the 1st Division barracks his breathing had become labored as he felt the bruises starting to push against his ribs. He tried his hardest to compose himself as he went closer to Ikkaku's room. He couldn't tell him what happened. Ikkaku would never believe it. As he reached the door he took one final breath.

"Yumichika?" Ikkaku opened the door. "Aren't you supposed to be watching the 8th Division?"

"The 3rd Seat took over for me…" Yumichika walked into the room. "And I wanted to see you…"

Ikkaku grinned as he closed the door. "That stressed?"

"I've been watching for a really long time…" Yumichika moved to sit on his bed. "I needed a break…"

Ikkaku moved to sit next to him. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah…" Yumichika breathed. "I'm fine…"

Ikkaku moved to touch Yumichika's hand softly. "When the Soul Society is falling apart, at least nothing has happened to us…" he looked into the 6th Division lieutenant's eyes. "We still have each other to lean on…"

"Yeah…" Yumichika breathed as he felt Ikkaku's hand tighten on his, the 1st Division lieutenant's lips moving to touch his neck softly. "Ikkaku…"

Their lips touched in a soft kiss as the two of them embraced tightly, Yumichika's mind finally at ease, forgetting the threats from earlier. He moved to kiss deeper against Ikkaku's lips, slowly making love to his mouth as his hands tightened on his back. The heat consumed him to the point where he didn't even notice he was being pushed back.

"Ah…" Yumichika winced as Ikkaku's weight was on his chest. "I-Ikkaku…"

Ikkaku backed away from him as he looked at the tears that were forming in Yumichika's eyes. "What's wrong? Did you get hurt?"

Yumichika swallowed hard. "It's nothing…" Ikkaku pressed his hand against Yumichika's chest, the pain bubbling through his chest again. "A-Ah…"

Ikkaku shook his head as the pain was obvious on Yumichika's face. "That's not nothing. Your ribs are broken…"

Yumichika's body trembled as he tried to cover up what had happened to him, not wanting Ikkaku to turn on him. "My ribs are broken?"

"What did you do to get yourself in that much trouble?" Ikkaku backed away from him; the anger rolling through him, his voice became low as he was trying to get to the bottom of this. "Who did this to you? Was it Kuchiki-taichou?"

Yumichika shook his head. "N-No! Kuchiki-taichou would never do this to me."

"Then who?" he wasn't going to give up. "Who the hell did this to you? I know that you didn't do this to yourself…" his voice only filled with more venomous hatred. "Was it Kyouraku? Did he do this to you? Did he?"

Yumichika swallowed hard as he revealed the name of his assailant, closing his eyes as he didn't want to see Ikkaku's reaction. "Zaraki…"

It was completely different than he ever thought the reaction would be. Ikkaku's eyes closed as he took a deep breath, his hands curling in fists as he backed away from Yumichika. It was that moment where Yumichika knew that Ikkaku was no longer on Zaraki's side. The anger was swirling, becoming overwhelming as Yumichika struggled to breathe, feeling the tension strangling him.

Ikkaku shook his head as he looked in the direction of the door. "Zaraki's a dead man…"

"No, please don't go after him. I don't want him to know that I told anyone about this. That's what he wants…" Yumichika took a deep breath as he ran his hand slowly along Ikkaku's shoulder. "I want to be with you right now to prove that there's someone who doesn't think I've lost who I am…"

Ikkaku moved to kiss Yumichika again. "I don't think you've lost yourself. The man is a monster, even I know that now. Did you think I was going to defend him? I stopped defending him the moment where I realized that you're much more important to me… Zaraki Kenpachi died a long time ago to me… but you… you're still alive to me…"

"Ikkaku…" Yumichika closed his eyes as he felt Ikkaku's breath on his lips.

Yumichika closed his eyes as Ikkaku moved on top of him again, the pain not feeling so horrible anymore. He kissed Ikkaku passionately as he moved his hands to undo the sash that was keeping his uniform closed. The ardor surrounded him as he knew that they could not be broken. Out of all of the people in the Soul Society, they were going to survive. They were going to live through this.

"Yumi…" Ikkaku breathed. "No matter what… you know that I'll always support whatever you do…"

Yumichika smiled as he kissed Ikkaku lightly, his breath heavy as Ikkaku moved to kiss along his neck. "I know…"

0o0o0o0o0o0

Hisagi walked into the 13th Division seeing the captain lying on the bed, his eyes looking at the ceiling. Renji looked different that Hisagi thought he would, he was pale, his auburn eyes were glassy as he tried his hardest to breathe. Hisagi walked deeper into the room, still Renji's eyes never left their blank stare. The closer her moved, the more he could feel the pain that Renji was going through, the heartache and betrayal he must have been feeling. In a single moment, Renji's whole life had changed.

"Abarai?" Hisagi asked quietly as he moved closer to the 13th Division captain. "You summoned me…"

Renji took a deep breath as he closed his eyes tightly, his voice soft as he looked into Hisagi's eyes. "What's happening to me?" he took a deep breath as his whole body shook. "What's happening…?"

Hisagi closed his eyes as he knew what he was talking about. "This is all my fault. If I was more careful, this wouldn't have happened. I made you this monster…" he opened his eyes to look at Renji whose face was buried in his hands. "I'm so sorry…"

Renji took a deep breath. "All of these images, they're haunting me… I can't shake them… is this how you feel?"

"Aizen's presence is a strong one…" Hisagi shook his head as he repeated those words over in his head. "You were never supposed to feel this way… you were never supposed to see the things that I see. You were never supposed to see the murder of the former 1st Division captain and lieutenant, the attack on Kyouraku Shunsui, the brutalization of Kuchiki Byakuya."

"But I have seen them… I now know what happened and I have to see it over and over again…" Renji's voice was on the verge of breaking. "When will this go away? When will it leave me be?"

"I don't know…" Hisagi took a deep breath. "Aizen's dead and still I feel him within me. He's suffocating me, torturing me, making me wish I were dead… I don't want you to feel this way."

"Are you going to tell everyone?"

Hisagi heard those words, his heart almost stopping. "No. Never. If those men knew what had happened to you, if they knew that I transferred Aizen into you they'd kill the both of us… we need to keep this a secret to save your life…"

Renji shook his head. "It's over, isn't it?"

"No," Hisagi took a deep breath. "This is so far from over…"

"Are you sure?" Renji sighed as he fell deeper into the bed, closing his eyes. "Because for the first time in my life I can see myself dying…"

"I'm sure… you're going to live through this even if I have to find a way to absorb Aizen from you with my own hands, even if I have to fully become him," Hisagi looked out the window. "We just have to keep this all a secret until we can find a way to reverse this… I did this to you… I'm going to fix you…"

"Don't tell me this unless you mean it…" Renji's voice was toxic, burning through Hisagi's skin with just a few syllables. "Don't tell me this unless you are sure that you want to be involved in this…"

"I'm sure… I'm already involved in this, Abarai. I'm the reason that this happened to you. I have to do this," Hisagi breathed as he looked into Renji's eyes, his whole body shaking. "I will go to Hell and back to save you. These aren't empty words. No matter what happens, I'm going to be there for you…"

Hisagi moved to grasp Renji's hand as the younger captain looked away from him. He closed his eyes tightly as the first tear fell down his cheek as he knew that the world that he lived in was only getting worse as the would collapsed underneath his touch. The ones that he once held dear to his heart were all doomed to suffer indescribable fates. Another tear rolled down his cheek as he knew what he had to do: he had to save them. He was no longer afraid of his destiny.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Ichigo walked into the room, all of hi friends looking straight at him as he tried to cover up the bruises that were forming on his neck. He could feel their eyes looking straight at him as he walked deeper into the room. Orihime being the first one to notice, her eyes wide as she moved closer to him.

"Kurosaki-kun?" her voice was low. "What happened?"

Ichigo sighed. "My punishment. It's okay, I thought he was going to kill me, arrest me, strip me of my powers, this is nothing."

Ishida shook his head. "Maybe you shouldn't have attacked a captain. What the hell were you thinking? You could have been killed…"

Ichigo closed his eyes as he remembered that last coming closer to him. "I probably should have been dead. I don't know what Renji did, but it wasn't normal. Renji could hardly control a level thirty kidou spell last time we saw him, now all of a sudden he can do level eighty…"

"We have been gone for quite some time…" Orihime answered.

"Then why did everyone in the crowd look shocked when he did it? Even Hisagi-san looked shocked, and the two of them were in war together…" Ichigo shook his head. "There's something inside Renji, something that scares the life out of me…"

"Do you think it's serious?" Ishida asked.

"If it is, then you guys are going home. I can't put you at risk if this is what everyone is capable of…" Ichigo closed his eyes tightly. "Don't argue this time…"

Ishida shook his head. "We're not going to leave you…"

"You can't handle this…" Ichigo warned.

"Neither can you. If Hisagi-san didn't block that attack, you wouldn't be in one piece right now…" Ishida's voice full of concern, something completely alien to him. "If this is what we're in for, then we aren't leaving you. You're going to need us…"

"I don't want to watch any of you die…" Ichigo's voice was low. "I can't lose any of you…"

Ishida smirked. "Who said you're going to lose us?"

"Don't get like this, Ishida…" Ichigo scoffed as he looked away from him. "There's something going on here, and I know that none of you can take it. You all have to leave…"

"We're not leaving you during this, Kurosaki…" Ishida explained. "We're here for you until the end…"

"Why won't you listen to me?" Ichigo shook his head. "Why won't you three for once in your life listen to me…"

"Because you never listen to us…" Ishida answered. "I know that if any of us were in the situation that you were in, you wouldn't turn on us. You'd be with us until the end…"

"He's right…" Sado continued. "You've never let any of us down before. We're not going to let you down. You can say what you will, but we're not going to leave you… we're here for Ichigo… accept that."

Ichigo closed his eyes as he heard those words. "If I lose any of you…"

"You're so fixated on the loss," Ishida shook his head. "There's going to be no loss. We aren't as weak as you think we are… we can stand on our own feet."

Ichigo closed his eyes tighter as he heard those words. After all of the months of not listening to Ishida he hoped that he was right. He hoped that he wouldn't have to watch as he lost any of them. For the first time in his life, he hoped that there was going to be no more fighting.

Wow t seems like forever since I posted osmething. Oh yeah it has been forever. Glad to be back (I wonder how long it will last tis time around...)

Hopefully the next chapter will be up a little sooner (or not, after all I said the same thing back in August and it's December now).

Don't forget to review, I love your feedback!