This one was a bitch. 12,000+ words. Enjoy.
A note on the chronology of this chapter: this chapter begins just a couple hours after Flame Princess takes Finn from the Tree Fort. So Jake JUST got home and discovered he was gone, and Bonnibel hasn't found out yet.
Flame Princess
A cool dampness in the air made Flame Princess snuffly. It'll be warmer in the dungeon, she thought to herself. At least I hope it is. The walk to the dungeon wasn't very far, but it required passage through a dark wood thick with pines and massive oaks. Life sang all around, from the harmony of a hundred crickets to the roar of a distant waterfall. A lack of sunlight that rarely ever broke through this dense forest canopy would fool anyone into believing it was nighttime.
Flame Princess's flip flops hissed on every step, printing the moist earth with little plumes of steam wherever her foot fell. She cast a sidelong glance to poor Finn and his mangled bare feet, both carved of their big toes with another taken from the left by those sick freaks that tortured him. His soles were slick with dew and clad in grass blades.
She couldn't stop picturing that crippled bony thing lying in a hospital bed just a few days ago, despite him looking much healthier than he did then.
"...not to worry so much, because you're already good in here," she remembered a heroic young man telling her a million years ago. A hand crushed her chest as she watched that same boy's skittish eyes dart about the forest like something was about to leap out that grab him. Poor guy..."Are you holding up okay?" she asked.
Finn limped along on his little cane, rushing to keep up with the princess's rather leisurely pace. "Yes, Your Grace," he huffed. "Thank you, Your Grace." A sheet of sweat made his hair cling to his forehead.
"Are your feet alright? You want me to make you some sandals?"
"I'll be fine, Your Grace." He turned and gave her a weary smile, ugly and jagged with not many teeth to count. She had the mind not to blench. But it's so gross. Just thinking that made her feel terrible.
The almighty Flame Princess felt powerless watching Finn struggle, not being able to do anything to ease it without burning him. He always said he'd defy nature for me. Can I do the same for him? She did not know, and she'd rather keep third-degree burns off his mountain of problems. Once we get to the dungeon, it'll be just like old times, she had to tell herself. It was the only thing moving her forward, as every minute passed just made this whole endeavor seem all the more pointless. Finn barely uttered a word, and when he did, it was only because she spoke to him first. That, and he could barely walk. Let's just hope he's as good a fighter as he used to be. No, he is he IS. Finn always said he's in his element when tackling a dungeon. Old times, FP. Old times.
In spirit of old times, Flame Princess had donned herself a dress that very much resembled the one she wore the day Finn took her on her first dungeon crawl. It was orange satin, fringed and cut to resemble a roaring fire that just barely brushed past her knees. The straps around her shoulders met at the gemstone grafted into her breastbone. Its glow pulsed red with every breath she took.
When the forest canopy above began to slowly thin out and sunlight bathe them, Flame Princess felt it time to ask something that has been on her mind since Finn accepted her offer to go on a dungeon crawl, face nigh indecipherable when he took ages to mull over a reply. "Have you been settling back in okay, Finn?"
Sunlight dappled his halo of loose golden curls, shimmering and swaying with every limping step. "I have been comfortable, Your Grace. Mister Jake is very kind to me, more than I deserve. I am thankful he gave you permission to take me on this little venture. Truly."
Flame Princess faked a laugh. "Yeah, Jake's always been a pal, hasn't he?" Deep within her fiery guts the princess felt bad, lying about Jake. But Finn would have never budged until she fabricated the lie. And getting Finn back is more important than my petty sense of honesty. And that's okay because it's for the greater good, right?
"Finn," she said after a spell, emerging from the forest and was now passing through a bright green meadow, "I just wanted to say...I'm sorry I never checked in on you. After that mess with your dad, I mean."
It took him quite a bit to answer. Ten seconds felt like a minute, and when Flame Princess looked at his face she found it completely unreadable. There was no anger to be found, nor sorrow, guilt or some kind of gratitude for her apology, nothing. It's like they lobotomized him, she thought sullenly. Flame Princess knew they did some horrible things to her ex-boyfriend, but just thinking about it she saw the ugly truth of it all. I'm getting Flambo to find out where those slavers are hiding. And then I'll go and teach them what kinds of friends Finn has.
"Don't be sorry, Your Grace," the boy suddenly replied. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I...the other boy...was the only one to blame for that whole mess. He shouldn't have dug where he had no business digging. And because of that, his recklessness destroyed a super prison and got a beloved Wish Master killed in the process. No. I am unworthy of your sorrow, Your Grace. Do not spill any of your royal tears for me."
Flame Princess almost stopped in her tracks, she was so stunned. A dozen thoughts ran through her mind, all violent, each more destructive and angry than the last. How dare he presume he's worse than trash? How dare he tells ME what he does and doesn't deserve!? She wanted to land a stinging slap on his cheek, or yell at him until he grew a spine. It was hard to believe that this was the same determined Finn that would always defend his friends and loved ones if they were threatened. And to hear him speak like this so nonchalantly, it was like a nightmare.
"Finn, he was your father," she said, barely able to compress the rage in her tone.
Finn shook his head as they descended a squat little hillock speckled with dandelions. "That's where you are mistaken, Your Grace," he said, inching his descent. "My real father? Died a couple years ago, and buried behind the Tree Fort by Mister Jake and the other boy, who was still young and fantasizing of slaying ghouls and saving princesses."
The talking ended there; Flame Princess did not understand what Finn was talking about, or what he meant by his "real father," but she decided it was best not to delve into it.
When they arrived at the dungeon threshold, Flame Princess gave it a long, hard look. This is a dungeon? she thought with uncertainty. Alright Flambo, where did you send me? This looks like a pre-war junkhouse.
That was the best way she could describe it; the entrance to this place was just an enormous piece of metal seemingly welded into the mountainside, bolted shut with three screws as big as her. Whatever color it once boasted had long rusted away, and now only a coarse brownish-red remained. I'm pretty sure I can just blast our way through this, but...
"Hey Finn," - she looked over her shoulder; Finn straightened up - "you're an expert on these kinds of dungeon crawls. What do you think we should do?"
He shuffled a bit in place, looking awfully uncomfortable. "I do not know such things, Your Grace," he confessed, gaze focused on a shrub to his left. "Dungeon crawls are for heroes, which I am not. I am Funn, and nothing but. That's all I am and all I will - "
"Finn..." Even without his hat, or half his parts, or his once-cordial spirit, this "Funn" creature looked more like her friend than whatever self-loathing wretch he was trying to be.
Wait a minute, she realized with a gasp that startled her friend, that's it!
"Are you sure about that, Funn?" Every limb in his body went rigid just then. That caught him off guard. The boy apparently couldn't even speak, he was so stunned. With eyes big and white like the moon, his head bobbed very slowly. Flame Princess couldn't decide at that moment whether or not she just made a thoughtless error, but she hid her uncertainty with a smile. "Because you look very much like a boy I knew: a boy named Finn the Human."
"But...I'm not - "
"But you do. You look like a hero to me, and that's the honest truth: tall, orderly, polite, courageous, gallant. Sorry man," she nervously laughed. "You look like a hero."
Flame Princess had no clue how Finn would react when she so thoughtlessly blurted out that mess. At least I'm a good actor, she thought gloomily, like the rest of my people. Though Finn was no longer the hero she once admired (and that was long before his disappearance), he still looks like the boy she once knew, and perhaps, deep inside, he still is. Flame Princess needed him to understand that.
Though it seems her words did nothing to sully those torturous months in captivity, for the boy she once loved started breathing, hard and fast and without heed, and his eyes whizzed about in their sunken sockets, looking every which way except for the princess as though an unseen foe was about to jump out from every stone and shrub. "I am Funn, Your Grace," he hissed. "Funn the Fun Cretin. Always, Master told me. 'Until I'm rotting in the ground, never forget who you are.' That's what he said, it's what he said. I-I will never do great things in this world."
"Finn - "
"I can't. N-No one is proud of me. They can't."
"Finn - !"
"No one is proud of Funn. No one loves him. They love Finn, not Funn. And Finn is gone, until Master is no longer walking. Joshua isn't proud of Funn, nor Mister Jake or Your Grace, Your Grace Your Gracious Graces. No one is proud, son. No one no one no one NO ONE!"
"FINN!" The rage that built within her as she tried to calm Finn down discharged all at once; gone was her face so fair, replaced by a demon from Hell, fiery and blazing, with two pools of magma for eyes and a mouth like the inside of a Firedrake. The boy quieted immediately, trembling in place and hiding behind his cane as if that would protect him from her ire. Flame Princess forced calming thoughts into her mind to smother the horrific appearance, and as quickly as it vanished the fine smooth orange flesh of her face returned.
She looked to Finn with soft amber eyes. "You don't have to do this anymore," she whispered to him. "You are a hero, and my friend." She took a step closer. Then another. Finn did not step away, which she took with a grain of salt. Who knows what's going on in this poor boy's head. "And no matter what you become, or what you say you are," - Finn was just a foot away, and he regarded her with giant pale eyes; windows to nothing she could discern - "the things you've done and the things you've seen make me proud of you, and honored to call you a friend. And that, on everything I know and stand for, is the honest truth."
There was no wind. There were no birds singing in the sky, nor the harmony of crickets or even the crackle of Flame Princess's hair. The whole world around them seemed to have stopped.
But Flame Princess was close enough to hear Finn's breathing, shaky and uneven, and see the wetness crawling down his pallid cheeks. In spite of the fear ruling his expression, Flame Princess couldn't shake the sense that these were not borne by fear. "Please, Your Grace." His voice quavered, and he paused to swallow. "I can't go back. I just can't. And it hurts knowing that you truly care: you, who has no cause to spare me even a single thought, long before I was taken and kissed by the edge of a flaying knife. What I've done to you, what the old boy has done to you...it's unforgivable. So please, please don't show me any kindness. I deserve your scorn, your fire and your spite. And not the kind that I...the old boy...liked. Nothing more."
Flame Princess stood, eyes like twin pools molten copper. She masked her feelings and gave a shrug. "I don't care about all that." Finn gave her a look, as though she were lying. "You know I'm honest, Finn. Would I lie about my feeling towards something that happened to me?"
He thought for a moment, and then shook his head.
"And if you think for one misbegotten moment that I'd hurt you..."
"It doesn't excuse what I've done."
"It does." His eyes widened a bit, and for a moment the boy looked like he's been struck with sudden realization, but he did nothing more. The grass around Flame Princess's feet began to blacken and curl, and Finn did not speak. And did not speak. And did not speak.
Finn I will force you down this dungeon if I have to.
The strained silence went on until it was apparently more than slow and ponderous Finn could endure. When he spoke, a knowing smile tugged at his lips and Flame Princess's heartstrings: "I think the old boy would tell you to search for a secret switch, Your Grace."
It took a second for what he said to register in Flame Princess's mind. "Y-Yes," she stuttered, reflecting his look, "of course. How could I forget?"
While Finn stood leaning on his cane, gazing about the door with a placid face, Flame Princess inspected the door and found what looked like a keyboard with a window above it tucked away from sight behind a rock.
She hmm'd and randomly pressed the green key. A small whine came from within, and the window lit up blue. "It's a computer!" she realized. "An old world computer! Hey Finn, check this out!" Flame Princess had to wait almost a minute for Finn to hobble his way to her. When he did, he complimented her find and that was all.
She wanted more than that. "Pretty cool, right?"
"It is, Your Grace."
Flame Princess forced down a groan. Baby steps, FP. Now I just need to get a sword in his hand and he'll be alive again. At least he was smiling. Whether or not it was forced remains a mystery.
Flame Princess pressed the green key again, and the screen flickered to black. In green text a message popped onscreen: 'Sol-Tec! Building America a brighter future!'
"Who do you think that is?"
Finn shrugged, leaning in on his cane. "Something lost, one could guess, Your Grace."
The screen shuddered; static snow danced across the screen, followed up by a brief shot of a green pixelated sun, and then a monotone female voice asked, "Password?"
"Oh great." Flame Princess frowned. She took several paces back, never taking her eyes off the giant metal threshold, its mountain crowned with sunlight. Finn hobbled after her without noise or protest. "This thing's locked up tighter than Breakfast Princess's bunghole," she told him, lifting her flame-wreathed hands. "We're gonna have to melt our way through." Finn understood what that meant, and he walked himself a safe distance behind her.
In no time Flame Princess had rendered the dungeon door into a viscous molten-red slag, large enough to drive a herd of dragons through. It looks like that's what happened here, she thought tiredly. The effort really took a lot out of her; Flame Princess hunched over, hands on her knees, panting like a dog in the sun. My knees used to be so rough and hard before I became Queen, she thought, squeezing her smooth rounded kneecaps. She heard Finn approach her from the side, and when she looked up he regarded her with a look of concern, or maybe pity. She couldn't say. Are you okay? it asked regardless.
She brushed him away with a gentle wave of the hand. "I'm alright, Finn. C'mon. Let's go inside. Adventure awaits!"
"As you say, Your Grace."
Jake
It wasn't hard to pick up Flame Princess's trail, as she left patches of charred grass wherever she stepped. It wasn't until they led into the Evil Dark Forest that Jake begun to worry. "Finn!" he called out. More crickets answered. They always answered, and they were all who answered.
Oh Glob oh Glob I should NOT have left him alone. Not again, this can't happen again!
"No!" Jake slapped himself in the face. "I'll find Finn, safe and sound. Just like I did last time. And then, I'm gonna splash Flame Princess with water. Then, I'm gonna cover her in Fortifier so she doesn't die, and then I'm splashing her with more water for kidnapping my bro! And maybe BMO too...Yeah, yeah I'll kick BMO's hams too! But first, FINN!" His voice didn't have echo through the cluttered twisted maze of tree bodies.
Jake enlarged himself to gargantuan size, just enough to overlook the forest's thick black canopy. "Finn! Where are you?!" His voice rolled across the wood like thunder, and he looked around, big white eyes frantic and wrought with worry. Miles and miles all around, just nothing but forest as far as he could see. A few flocks of crow and ravens scattered into the cloudless sky, but nothing more. Jake returned to normal size, heart racing.
The Evil Dark Forest... He remembered the time he and Finn escorted Tree Trunks through the Evil Dark Forest. Gob, how many years ago was that? Four, I think? Five? It felt like yesterday. Oh how he wished that were so.
"FINN!"
Flame Princess
Is this really a dungeon? Flame Princess felt like she and Finn just wandered into some kind of underground bunker from the Great Mushroom War. Everywhere they looked was just rusted metal walls, broken flood lights, mold filling the cracks and corners. It was disgusting, unsightly even, and not at all an adventure. When she looked to Finn, his face was a mask as always, hiding whatever was truly going on in his head. I wonder what he thinks of all this. I think it's boring. She had half a mind to kick Flambo's butt when she got back to Fire Kingdom. And apologize to PB for taking Finn. That'll be a treat.
She was trying to be optimistic, trying to convince herself that there will be monsters deeper within this metal dungeon, but they haven't ran into a single anything yet. Not even a pitfall! And there's usually a low-level baddie at the beginning, so what gives?
The most interesting thing about this so-called "dungeon", aside from the fact that it was more of metal maze than anything else, was the vegetation overrunning the place. Not a single moment passed, not a step taken, without seeing some sort of algae, or vine, or a chain of bizarre flowers humming with a self-contained red light. They were the only things that seemed alive in this dungeon. But how do they live without food or water or sun? thought Flame Princess. Bubblegum would know. Then she'd make this thing even worse by telling me about their scientific principles or whatever. Flame Princess snickered to her own joke, which drew a brief sidelong glance from Finn.
"Does this place feel very dungeon-y to you?" she asked, keeping her eye glued to a giant bulbous something plopped down on the floor, partially smashed with red stuff leaking out and drying on the floor. Maybe these imaginary monsters did that. She could only hope.
Finn grunted over the click-clack of his cane. "Not entirely, Your Grace. It is dark though."
"That's true, I guess." Flame Princess almost forgot, since she never needed a torch. Her natural glow illuminated the path ahead a couple feet, lighting the walls and floor a dull rust-spotted amber, and revealing the plants and greenery creeping all along the walls and ceiling, twisted in the wires and such like pythons. Ahead lied darkness, as was the same in the rear. But that doesn't really make a dungeon crawl.
Every now and then they would pass by another metal door, probably hiding some treasure or loot like any normal dungeon would. But they were always locked, and there's no way Flame Princess is burning through another one of those things, even though these were much smaller than the entrance was.
The deeper into this ancient maze they went the more Flame Princess had begun to wonder what their ancient ancestors used this place for. Something with plants, that would be the most obvious guess. But why? And what caused this place to become so ruined? So desolate?
So fallen?
The metal maze turned to concrete the deeper they went, and the humidity that was once just a faint presence was beginning to wear down on poor Finn. His face shone in Flame Princess's glow, and patches of sweat grew dark beneath his arms and along the collar of his light blue shirt. Though the boy made no complaint, which Flame Princess was both glad for and a little saddened by. Say something, Finn. Please. Anything to take my mind off...this.
The moss was growing thicker the longer they walked, bearding doorways in great mounds and covering staircases they sometimes had to descend. Vines of black and green wove in and out of railings, light fixtures gone long-cold, through the openings of doors and up the walls. Herbs flourished in the cracks of the stone floor with leaves big enough to use as bowls, and their cool moistness stung Flame Princess's ankles as she walked past.
Eventually the duo came upon a peculiar phenomenon in the form of a silver something thrust into a control panel beside a maintenance door. Neither could even guess as to who did this or why, but they jammed this item into the panel with the intention of breaking it: wires spilled out, red and blue and black like a bundle of dead snakes with copper heads, the metal paneling around the weapon looked split open, frayed and blackened, probably from the sparks that spat out when it was assaulted.
Flame Princess wrapped her hand around the things hilt, instantly suffocating her with the acrid punch of burnt rubber, and wrenched the thing out of the panel. She eyed the thing curiously, cautiously, treating it as though it were some alien tool, for it very well could be. The thing looked like a sword, but the blade was too wide, and curved even. And it was too short to be a scimitar.
"What do you think this is?" she asked, ignoring the burning rubbery smell.
Finn gave the blade a hard look, nose twitching as he thought. "That's a machete, Your Grace. It's a gardening tool." He sounded uneasy talking about it, but that didn't really register in Flame Princess's mind.
"Huh. Looks pretty sharp." She released its rubber hilt, holding the thing by its slightly-rusted blade, edge shining amber in her light. This must have been recently used, maybe a couple months or so. The edge was simply too sharp to be a relic from a thousand years ago. The metal gained a ruddy glow from her touch. She handed it to Finn, hilt first. "Take it. We don't know what could be down here."
Finn gave the thing that "startled deer" look, and that was all he did for several agonizing moments. Come on, Finn. Please just take it.
Wordlessly he lifted his hand, slow as though the machete were a beast ready to snap at his hand. He awkwardly wrapped his four fingers around it, and set the thing at his side. He leaned against the wall with his cane resting against his leg.
Oh, right. Flame Princess cursed herself. "You could, I dunno, tuck the thing under your arm, Finn. We're not in a fight right now."
Finn nodded, allowing himself a smile. "My thanks, Your Grace." He tucked the blade beneath the nub of his arm and went back to leaning on his cane.
The queen felt a familiar heartache throbbing in her chest. I need to stop and think for once. Yet she didn't even want to think about how poorly planned this whole thing was. 'I was just so eager' was her only honest excuse. This was a folly, a waste of time. "Come on," she bitterly muttered, "let's go back."
The sullen amble back to the metal hallways was spent in complete silence, apart from the crackle of Flame Princess's hair and Finn's cane dully thumping against the dirty concrete floors. Horribly planned, pigheaded, naive, she thought in scorn. The commoners are right to dislike me. Why should I try to fix a kingdom and its people when I can't even fix my friend? Flame Princess's mood grew bitter, black as it did the night before following that disastrous Council meeting.
She slipped from her thoughts when Finn's nub tapped her shoulder, quickly so he wouldn't burn, and letting his machete clatter to the ground. "Our way is blocked," he said as he knelt down to pick it up.
Flame Princess only had to look ahead and see he was right: the staircase they came down on from the metal hallway was now destroyed, its cold steel steps split, broken and ravaged by something big. Something pissed and powerful, more like, thought Flame Princess. Good. That gives me something to kill. Finn could just stand back. Nothing else mattered to her after that; bloodlust muddled her brain, and the spiciness that was Flamish anger settled on her tongue. "Let's find another way out," she grumbled, marching forward at a brisk pace that Finn was just barely able to keep up with.
Whatever did this, I'll just pretend it's my stupidity when I'm burning it alive. And if there's more I'll pretend they're those freaks that tortured Finn, and the Flame People and Fire Count and my naivety and all my problems that I wish could just as easily be burned to ashes.
A hiss like fire on water carried through the humid air. Flame Princess stopped in place, twisted her sandal'd feet and flicked her wrists so they erupted into flames. "Keep your eyes peeled," she muttered to herself. Something's watching us, in the abyss that lies ahead.
A clunk of wood sounded behind her. She turned and found Finn standing there, machete in hand. His face was like curdled milk, eyes wide and full of fear. Oh Gob, I almost forgot about Finn. I can't, I CAN'T do that again. If something happens to him... She shook such horrid thoughts from her mind and returned to more important matters than childish venting. "Can you walk alright?" she asked. When Finn opened his mouth to speak, she quickly added, "And honesty, please."
Finn gave a smile that may or may not have been forced, she really couldn't tell. He just looked frightened all around. "Honesty, yes. My legs have grown stronger, Your Grace. But I am not as surefooted without my cane. I will have to take it slow. Go on without me, please. I do not wish to slow you down, Your Grace."
"You'll be lost in the darkness without me." But I already am, the pitiful look in his face told her. "No, we'll go together." The boy graced her with a close-lipped smile and together they pressed on, set at a much more leisurely pace than before. Despite what she told herself Flame Princess kept forgetting that Finn was right behind her, and it was even easier now because of the absence of his cane thumping against the concrete. The slowness of their pace was agonizing on Flame Princess's frenzied state of mind. More than once she considered just barreling on ahead like that blissful and ignorant little thing did in the Vault of Bones a hundred years ago.
Nostalgia stabbed her like a knife in the back, unexpected and painful. How often do I wish for the good old days, where I was a little fire with zero responsibilities and a huge crush on the greatest boy who had ever lived? The answer was too much, too much for a queen of the Fire Kingdom to think. Times change, always, and one of these days, so must she.
They made it past the panel impaled with the machete, and still no sign of any monsters. Yet their presence was all but known, as Flame Princess heard the occasional hiss in the walls, or a sigh in the air. Haaaaaah, it went, and yet nothing was seen or sensed in the gluttonous shadow that lied ahead and behind. She was reminded of Finn's presence when he gave a sharp snuff of air to that sound. I wonder if he's getting the same battle rush that I am. She assumed he did, remembering how Finn would get pumped for a fight whenever they heard the ambiance of a dungeon.
Bumps prickled her orange skin. Descending another flight of stairs Flame Princess found one of the metal doors propped open by a large steel crate; clearly the thing was jury-rigged, probably by whatever it was trying to keep out. The narrow space it contrived was etched with the claw markings of half a hundred monsters that passed in and out, and from within what little ahead they could see the very atmosphere manifested as a disgusting green fog rolling in plumes.
Flame Princess let Finn step through first, then followed in herself. The very air felt heavier, damper and hotter, and every breath reeked of plantlife, of strong forest smells that made the queen like to gag. The place becomes more plantlike the further we go.
The two pressed on, creeping through this eerie botanical graveyard. Flame Princess herself was on edge, always holding up a flame-wreathed hand in case some foe tried assaulting her from the shadows looming ahead. The whole feel of the dungeon was beginning to weigh on her, suffocating and confining her sense of safety and freedom she yearned to be free of not too long ago. She equated it to her old lantern, that's how confining this place felt as she and Finn tiptoed down the creeper-laden halls. The plants became wilder after they squeezed through that forced doorway, plants Flame Princess didn't even know existed - giant purple herbs with gold roses, flytraps big enough to swallow a pig whole, bulbs hanging from the light fixtures that dripped a red sap unto the floor and slowly drew themselves closed when the queen's light and fire came near. Dirt even became a common sight, piles of the moist dark stuff just strewn down long stretches of halls or stuffed into corners, always boasting a healthy crop of blue posies or some other unnatural organism. For the longest time the only sound they could hear was the occasional whisper of Flame Princess's sandal falling on some moist earth.
Then came the scratching.
It was above them, in the vents, always clawing, scuttling like some giant rat that followed the princess and human wherever they went. Something wants to get at us, thought Flame Princess. She could feel it, the suspense and terror pounding in her breast but at the same time her blood ran hot with a want for battle. Come and get me.
A metal something exploded from the darkness above them. The shadows spat a steel grate at them, dented and gnawed and coated in a sheen of saliva. "Here it comes." Flame Princess stepped back with one arm out to protect Finn. She had no time to give the boy a glance and see how he fared. From the dark shadows and green fog came their predator. It landed on all fours, just a couple feet away from Flame Princess and stared up at her with beady yellow eyes. Its green flesh beaded with moisture, glistening like a hundred little diamonds in her light. It opened a set of twisty vines that acted as a mouth, stuck in a perpetual sneer that bore curved brown thorns mocking the teeth of a carnivore. It had no visible nose, yet it snuffed at the air in front of him and a familiar haaaaah whistled through his teeth. Flame Princess felt her hairs stand on end.
The creature laid out one claw, inched forward, and the queen released her payload. "BURN!" she cried. Twin snakes of fire blasted from her palms, the intensity of which lit the darkness closing round and made the plant creature's shadow twitch and dance along the wall. The wretched thing had no chance to react; its skin hissed and steamed upon being set aflame, then the steam turned to smoke. The fire's roar was louder than the monster's, and before long its writhing stopped. Only a blazing corpse remained, black and curling.
Flame Princess allowed herself a smirk. That felt good.
A wail came shivering down the hall, loud and high.
The ground beneath her feet trembled, and more hisses and cries joined in the harmony. Flame Princess widened her stance, hands out in front of her with flames flickering between her fingers. This is what she's been waiting for. "You ready for this, Finn?"
"I will do my best." He sounded indifferent to the whole thing. It's a step above being terrified, she thought. Seconds later the horde came.
They barreled into Flame Princess's light, a tidal wave clawing and grabbing over itself, every pair of yellow eyes froth with a bestial hunger only the maddest of monstrosities boasted. Every one of them was different, some smaller than a housecat with others as large as a horse. Those with claws ran on all fours, she noticed, while others had fists that looked like shapeless masses of plant-flesh and hobbled along on their hind legs. They all leapt as one, and Flame Princess lashed with a whip of scalding inferno and spun away. The foremost were set ablaze and crumpled to the ground, screeching and gripping their searing chests. A couple jerked away, or bolted past her and to get at Finn.
Never turn your back on a fight, she told herself as she danced away from a swipe and hurled a series of fireballs into the mass of plant creatures. The corridor began to light with burning corpses, and soon its earthy forest smells became burning forest smells. I hope Finn can still handle himself in a fight. A big guy whose claw was just a blunt instrument shoved an ally aside and lunged for the princess, thorns bared and hungry for death. The princess skillfully swung her arm at him, licking across his face with a tongue of fire. She twirled aside, dress whirling around her knees in a storm of silks and embers. The beast slid to the ground, face split open and smoking.
"No! I'm sorry! Forgive me, I'M SORRY!"
Flame Princess turned and let out a sound that was both a gasp and a shriek. Finn's machete was nowhere to be seen, nor any dead bodies around his feet. Three plant creatures were on top of him, one gnawing on his arm, another working at his belly and the third crouched down and clawing at the boy's face. His whole body thrashed and squirmed, vainly trying to free himself. "Susan, I'm sorry!" he sobbed.
"Finn!" the princess cried. She ran forward, twirling on the ball of her heel and hurling a fireball at the foes, then she slid to her knee and pelted two more. Each hit the monsters, whether it be in the head or shoulder didn't matter. All three fell back, smoldering and sighing their last breaths. Animals, she thought in scorn.
Finn was still thrashing where he lied, beating at invisible foes, hand and nub. His screams never ceased. "I'm sorry, Susan! I'm sorry!"
The princess rushed to his side. "Finn! Finn, it's over! I'm here!"
He refused to open his eyes. "NO! No, I can't! I can't, I will never fight again! I'm no hero, I'm nothing! Oh Grob, Susan forgive me!"
So badly did Flame Princess want to hug him, squeeze him to make his pain stop, but she'd only hurt him even more. All's she had were words. And she knew as well as anyone that her words meant nothing. "Finn, it's done! You're safe!" she cried in complete desperation.
"Never!" he roared. Tears mingled with the sweat of his face. "Never safe! Master was right, I will never be a hero again! I'm nothing to no one, and never will be again! Never never never NEVER!"
He's going into complete hysteria, his thrashing is making the wounds even worse and I have no idea what to do. The princess looked over her friend's sob-wracked body, at all the wounds and blood spattering it. Who knows what diseases and poisons those creatures carried in their filthy mouths? Her jaw clenched, and fresh tears brimmed her eyes. I can ease his physical pain, at least. "I'm sorry, Finn." Her voice came gentle as a spring breeze. It went unnoticed amidst Finn's delirium.
Without wasting a second longer, Flame Princess clamped one hand over the wound gushing at his side and the other on his leg. The flesh and blood hissed and boiled beneath her palms and the sour tang of cooked flesh gagged her senses. But neither could even hold a candle to the bloodcurdling screams Finn was making. "I'm sorry Master! FORGIVE ME!" he cried out into the heavens.
The princess held his leg down harder to prevent it from thrashing about. "Finn, try to relax!" Foolish words, but it was all she could say at the moment. Finn responded with more screams and howls. His shirt around the princess's hand began to singe. I'm hurting you because I love you. It's helping - it hurts but I'm helping. That's what Flame Princess had to keep telling herself so she wouldn't break down right then and there.
She pressed her hands against Finn's gashes only a few seconds longer before wrenching them away, as if that would end his pain any quicker. She was relieved to see that both lacerations were successfully cauterized, closed off from bleeding any longer with patches of charred black flesh. The skin around his burns glowered an angry red, but Flame Princess knew that couldn't be helped. She gave his body a once-over and found no other bite wounds.
"Finn?"
The boy was still groaning, his face twisted into a look of constant pain. But he was exhausted too, if his slow, ragged breathing was of any indication. He was in pain, but alive, and quiet.
Or so she thought.
"Your Grace," he gasped, eyes squeezed shut.
She leaned in closer. "I'm here," she said gently.
Finn wrenched his eyes open and turned his head so he was facing her. His eyes were like blood on ice, looking straight into Flame Princess's heart as he told his innermost thoughts. When the boy spoke, his voice sounded weak, groggy. Flame Princess actually had to silence her breathing and lean even closer to hear his words. "I can't do great things in this world," he whispered. "I can't be a hero, I can't be Funn, I'm...just a thing."
Doing her best to offer the sincerest of smiles, she told him, "That's not true and you know it."
Finn's head rocked to the side, looking away from Flame Princess. "Mr. Jake asks me what I want...I want to be left alone, Your Grace. No more bubblegum princess...no more vampires...or Mister Jake and their bickering and their follies. No more of these games Master plays...I have failed him, as I once failed you, Your Grace. I am no longer fun...nor am I a...a champion of the people...I don't deserve to stand amongst those who are better than a boy with no purpose."
Flame Princess let out a shaky sigh. She couldn't imagine what it must be like for Finn, to be thrown from one madhouse to another when really his friends came to save him. It's a lot like my first days in the outside world, she realized. A feeling swelled in her chest with the realization. I was just a messed up thing with no purpose. When she looked at Finn just then, for the first time since he broke her heart the queen didn't feel any sort of grief or spite blazing in her bosom. Maybe I can give him a purpose.
Giving Flame Princess quite a fright Finn's gaze shot straight into the darkness of the ceiling. "I need to get out of here."
He suddenly began to move, pushing himself up on his arm and clenching his brown teeth so hard they might crack. Exhaustion immediately made him lose balance and stumble into Flame Princess. Without so much as a thought she wrapped her thick arms around Finn's neck and hugged him to her chest. "Stay with me, Finn. Stay with me..." She bounced him in her arms, tilted his head up. Gold locks between her fingers began to singe black. "I'm sorry Finn... I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry..." ...about everything. Lava tears pattered unto the concrete floors, hissing and smoking where they landed. "I will lead you out of the darkness, Finn. I promise."
The pain and exhaustion must have sapped the boy of all his energy, as he immediately began to trail off into faint mutterings. "Funn...my name is...Funn..." Sleep finally took the poor tortured boy.
A Boy With No Purpose
When the boy awoke, the first thing he noticed was a stiff soreness in his side and leg. What happened? he thought, sitting up. The boy winced when a spike of pain shot through his belly. He saw the burn on his side, ringed by the burned cloth of his shirt, and then the apple-sized scab on his calf. Then he saw Flame Queen. She sat across from him, her skin's radiance faint and shuddering like a dying candle. Her hair was for once strewn around the soft roundness of her shoulders, glowing a dull ruddy glow. She looked to be sleeping.
"Your Grace?" Her eyes shot open, soft and amber, and her hair roared to life. The boy immediately came to regret his decision. "Oh! Apologies, Your Grace. I didn't realize you were sleeping and...apologies."
The queen smiled like it was nothing and pushed herself up. "No, no it's fine. I was just meditating." She assured him that she told the truth, so that must be true. "You were gone for a while there, Finn."
He ignored that name. "How long?" He knew it was rude to ask someone as beautiful and powerful as she such questions, but something inside the boy told him that she wouldn't mind.
And she didn't.
"About two hours," said Flame Queen, hands clasped over her wide hips. "You gave me quite a scare. While you were out, I was taking a look at these here plant guys." She strode over to a pile of charred green corpses and held one up by the arm. "Weird things. Turns out their blood can treat burns. Trust me. I found out the hard way." She lifted her arm to show the boy a grey splotch on her elbow, and grinned to him a cheeky smile. The boy couldn't help but smile at her newfound energy. She does seem a lot more chipper than before, he observed.
"I used my dress and rubbed that stuff on some of your burns," said Flame Queen. "You should've seen how bad they were when I put you down."
The boy remembered how he fell on top of Flame Queen. He cast his gaze down to the floor, hair falling to conceal his shame. "Apologies, Your Grace. That was uncouth of me." She waved him off. He felt a little better knowing she didn't harbor any grudges towards him for that. But for all he knew she could be hiding her contempt; that's what the boy's customers did if he displeased them, back when he was Funn.
And now I am nothing. He felt a familiar gripping sensation in his chest.
Flame Queen approached the boy with a long metal something held in her two hands, the areas around them glowering a sinister red. "Here, I made this for you." She held it out to him. The boy eyed it hesitantly. "Go on," urged the queen. "Take it. It's yours, since I made you lose your other one, and well...Think nothing of it. I even burned some grips into it for you to hold on better. Sorry if they don't fit well."
The boy closed his fingers around it, and gasped a little at how well it fit into his hands. A new walking stick. He smiled up at the queen, having the mind to hide his teeth as he did. "Thank you. This is wonderful." Flame Queen graced him with a beautiful little smile that made a fire rage on in the deepest pit of his stomach. That made the boy think back on darker times, where his days consisted of dark pits and the cold bite of a flaying knife. And then he suddenly remembered his break down before passing out.
"I'm sorry you had to hear that madness, Your Grace," he said, averting his eyes from her face so fair. His eyes fittingly rested upon a mound of dark brown earth in the corner of the room, boasting a bushel of acidic-green tulips. "It was the pain talking, the grief."
Flame Queen knelt down in front of him, dress pulling up the length of her thighs. The boy tore his gaze away from such a sight, snapping it back to her face that held nothing but undeserved sympathy. "It's okay, Finn. I understand."
Even so, the boy felt a fool over his behavior. He tried squeezing his eyes shut, shaking his head and every loathsome thought out of it but that didn't help. Flame Queen breached his thoughts with a call of his old name, and once again he felt like said boy once more, looking into her soft warm gaze. "What do you want to do?" she asked. The boy remembered how this would once be as trick question, with pain as the reward if he answered wrong. But those were a thing of the past.
I want to find a way out of this storm in my mind. I want to go somewhere quiet. Those were his first thoughts, but even so the boy didn't want to say such things aloud, without the alibi of being affected by those plant savages' bite. "I would like to find a way out of this dreary place," he said, quickly adding, "if you feel the same, Your Grace. I am grateful for you taking me here, but I hope you'll understand if I say this hasn't been the most..." enjoyable? he thought, "...safest of expeditions."
He feared he went out of line, but surprisingly enough, Flame Queen nodded in agreement. "Yeah, this place has been barf. While you were out some more of those plant things attacked. They were nothing, of course, but I'd like to be well-away from here when the whole family shows up."
There was once a time where I would thank my customer profusely for such an experience, no matter how terrible and unpleasant. Entertaining bold people, Flame Queen and Marceline in the like, they are making me bold too. The boy with no purpose felt a little unsettled by the thought, but not as much as he would've if under the threat of Master.
"I'm strong," the boy assured Flame Queen as he pulled himself up with his staff.
"You sure?" asked the kindhearted queen.
The boy's skinny little arm trembled ridiculously as he nodded yes. I do not want you sullying yourself with the likes of me, Your Grace.
After the boy pushed himself up, the two of them made the slow venture into the bowels of this dungeon. The boy was quickly reminded of its loathsome humidity, and more than once the queen stopped and asked if he would like a break. He declined every time of course, not wanting her to be concerned over nothing important.
"Finn?" Flame Queen asked after a long period of silence. "Can I ask...Who was Susan?"
The boy's thoughts went back to the plant creatures that assaulted him, how every one of them looked like an amazing woman he once called a friend, and the ground beneath his feet became blistering hot sand. Heroes don't hurt friends. Heroes don't crack their skulls, crack their skulls, crack their skulls... He felt his breathing quicken, and every heartbeat become a pang in his chest. No words left his thoughts. Flame Queen can burn them out, but I will not mention her. Just thinking about "her" made a fresh wave of grief silently wash over the boy. He silently thanked the hundreds of customers he pleasured for disciplining him in hiding his emotions behind a blank face.
Thankfully, the queen accepted his silence as answer. "I understand if you don't want to talk about her. I had no right in asking."
The boy smiled wide just then, which went unnoticed by Flame Queen and the rest of the world. You had every right, Your Grace. Even so...thank you.
Eventually the two of them happened upon a large spacious chamber. Flame Queen sighed deeply, fueling her glow and fire to light the place a shivering gold color. On the other side, a tunnel of complete darkness faced them. It looked big enough to drive a train through. There was a red and white sign that faded away to the point where the boy couldn't read it.
"Looks like that could be our exit," the queen said with hope.
She and the boy made it only halfway across the chamber when a choir of growls filled the shadows around them. "Just keep walking," Flame Queen muttered. Her step quickened, too fast for the boy to keep up. Soon her comforting light began to leave him in darkness, panting and sweating with his walking staff thumping metallically against the stone earth in a hasty rhythm.
He could still see Flame Queen clear as day, a literal light in the darkness. But could she see him as well, he thought, when she looked over her shoulder at the mouth of the tunnel and found him nowhere in sight? "Finn?" she called out.
"I'm coming," he gasped wearily, "Your Grace!" Grob, this heat...
The boy couldn't say how close he was, as the darkness had always played tricks on his eyes. But he must have been near enough to Flame Queen when at least two dozen bodies dropped between him and the light, hissing and snapping their jaws with eyes glowing like fireflies, beady and yellow and almost magical in the darkness blacker than pitch.
"Finn!" she cried out. Flame Queen hurled three fireballs at the assailants. Most turned and lunged for her, pouncing like starved cougars, while a couple jumped for the boy with no purpose. They show more intelligence than Her Grace believes, he observed, staring one right in the eyes as it gnawed on his walking staff, brown thorny teeth dripping with red slime. They are aware that Her Grace is more important than I.
The boy managed to fend off the plant creature, heaving his staff forward with the creature still biting it. An errant fireball from Flame Queen nailed the creature in the head before he could recover, reverting his head to a pile of smoldering green mush. The boy looked up, seeing an endless count of silhouettes dropping from the rafters above, all trying to get at Flame Queen. She appeared to be holding them off well enough, lashing at all who came near with twin whips of fire. But there were hording around her light, snapping and snarling, looking for a moment to strike, a window of opportunity.
Despite her great power, the boy saw the tiredness in her face, how she tiredly roared the occasional battle cry with every attack. The horde of plant people became so thick around her they looked to just be a writhing wall of plant flesh against her light. The boy's face twisted into a grimace. I must help her. After bending over to retrieve his staff, the boy hobbled towards the horde with blood pumping in his ears. Not a single creature took notice in his presence. Ever couple of seconds he would hear Flame Queen cry out, followed by a burst of fire thrusting into the shadows like a dagger fresh from the forge.
I'm coming, Your Grace. The boy had no idea what he planned to do. Should he stab one of the creatures with his staff, make himself a target so Flame Queen may escape? That seemed to be the only viable option. And then I will be alone at last.
Suddenly from the shadows above a green tongue shot out into the queen's light. The boy heard her cry out, and the plant creatures hissing victoriously. Many peddled back, thinned out so the boy could see Flame Queen hissing painfully through her teeth, tugging uselessly at a vine wrapped around her wrist. It glistened with a constant dampness that made her burning flesh hiss like a teakettle. It was like nails on a chalkboard in the boy's ears, screaming and whining throughout the empty chamber. The vine went taut, trembling faintly against Flame Queen's struggle. The darkness sent another in answer, coiling round her free wrist and bringing forth a new wave of moans from the queen. Steam rose into the darkness above her, soft and rolling. The boy could see her space of light begin to shrink and grow weaker.
The plant people were getting closer, maws open wide and sap salivating down their chins. All the while Flame Queen fought and burned wildly against her bonds, teeth gnashing like she were some evil beast than the ruler of a kingdom.
They're going to kill her.
The boy could not sit by and watch His Grace die. But he could not fight, he could not kill nor could he be of any help to anyone. "You're going to do great things in this world," he remembered Joshua saying. He found it to be a cruel joke as he helplessly watched a new bundle of vines ensnare the queen's ankles, wet and hissing against her molten-hot flesh. She screamed in protest, resorting to jerking her leg about but her efforts only made the vines grow taut and anchor it against a pillar nearby.
Suddenly, an old memory from many years ago echoed in the boy's subconscious: I can't help it, man! I'm all about stupid! Disregarding everything he had ever known in the last few months, the boy did the only thing he could do at that moment:
"Hey, Cabbage-Brains!" Twenty pairs of glowing eyes turned. That was not me. And yet he pressed on, striding towards the smoking corpse of one of their fallen brothers, its green flesh charred black by the queen's fire. "Do you know who I am?" he asked, voice cracking. "I'm the broken boy! I'm the one who slayed the one and only Susan Strong with my bare hands! You heard of her?" Several screeched in reply. He couldn't tell if they knew who he was talking about, but their body language told him they were quite taken aback by his newly found voice. "I haven't eaten in days," he said, kneeling to the dead plant creature. "I'm quite hungry."
The boy opened his broken mouth wide and bit down on the person's shoulder. He tore through its waxy bitter skin like tissue paper, wrenched his head back and shred himself a large chunk of grassy flesh. Water that acted as their life's blood trickled down his chin and underneath his shirt in long lukewarm fingers. The flesh tasted sharp, so much so that it made him want to heave, and oh yes, pain ripped through his sensitive gums more than anything, but a voice, an adrenaline pumping through his veins made the whole world feel like a dream, like this was all in his head.
And my imagination can't hurt me.
He chewed slow, methodically, eyeing the creatures and His Grace through gold bangs of hair, the icy eyes of a demon through the bars of a cage. But the whole time his attention was on Flame Queen. Please don't do anything foolish, my queen. He was afraid to even think what would happen if she tried to fight back, but luckily she was in as much apparent-awe as her captors. Every pair of eyes around him starred, several just twin yellow lights in the shadows, which reminded him of Master in a most unsettling way.
He can't hurt me anymore. He would have done something by now and even Flame Queen says he's no longer a threat. She never lies, Funn had to tell himself - it was all he could do not to slip into a panic that assumed Master was lurking in those shadows, knives at the ready.
Ignoring his stomach's protests, the flesh slid down his throat; the boy had to imagine it as cooked spinach so he wouldn't gag. An acrid vinegary aftertaste settled on his tongue. I cannot balk. Flame Queen's life is in my hands now. He looked up and smiled, brown teeth undoubtedly splotched green with plant-flesh. The whole world was watching. "Well?" he jeered. "I'm still hungry!" His voice rang throughout the dungeon and back.
A miracle, the plant creatures all screamed and released their hold on the queen. Flame Queen collapsed to her knees, the area around her ankle where the moist vines ensnared looked a little blackish, but not too bad. She pushed herself to her knees as the boy hobbled towards her, both grinning at the other.
"Thanks," she sighed. "That was pretty heroic of you, Finn."
The boy couldn't stop himself from blushing, actually taking pride in her acclaim despite his reconditioning. "I couldn't let them hurt you, Your Grace. What kind of servant would I be if I let allowed them to?"
She shook her head, slow and gently. "Not a servile," she said, hair humming and rolling. "A friend."
He opened his mouth to... To object? To call her a liar? Or to fool myself? "A friend," he finally consented. The girl's face brightened.
A low throaty growl rumbled through the tranquility, from the balcony leering above. The boy turned, and Flame Queen stepped forward with an arm stretched out to protect him. Whatever made that inhuman sound, some shadowed mass, revealed itself when it leapt into the shuddering glow of the princess's flame.
Its sudden reveal must have startled Flame Queen, for she reeled back and let out a terrified shriek. The boy had half a mind to do the same, if he hadn't experienced more horrific things in his days. But whatever this thing was, horrifying definitely came to mind before anything else. The boy could not even tell what was its leg or where its body even began - this thing was just a misshapen mass of long, bony legs attached to some twisted terror of wooden spikes and necrotic plant-tissue. Though he could differentiate its head, for it looked right at them, beady yellow eyes glowering, and a set of chompers with a pair of huge mandibles big enough to bite his head off. It drooled red with some sort of sap. Or blood, the boy thought with a chill.
The thing opened its jaws wide, thorns of teeth curved and pointed into the blackness of its maw, and released an ear-splitting scream.
"Run!" cried the boy, giving his queen a weak little push away from danger.
The monster was quicker. It leapt down their level, its two foremost legs working like pistons and in two steps have both the boy and Flame Queen underneath its giant paw. His dampness made him shiver, despite his struggle. Flame Queen hissed with pain through her teeth, and her skin released plumes of steam into the air. Though his chaotic figure must have become entangled in the clutter of all the wires and piping in the ceiling, for he seemingly pulled down half the balcony with him, showering the area and poisoning its air with the cacophony of ringing debris. The bulk of the balcony fell, landing in such a way that separated the beast from its catch. He started angrily snapping his jaws at them like a starved dog, barely able to reach. Its wretched breath smelled of damp earth.
Flame Queen managed to tear her arm free, and started madly blasting fireballs at the beasts face, screaming all the while. Her attack had little effect on the beast's moist brownish-green flesh, aside from angering it even further and increase its thrashing beneath the wreckage. Yet the hotheaded queen pursued her vain efforts.
That's when the boy noticed a spot in the area where the beast's arm connected to its torso. He saw tissue, thin and glowing red like the stuff dripping from its mouth. "Flame Queen!" he had to scream over the monster yells, the Elemental's screeches and the clanging debris. "Flame Queen! At his shoulder! The weak spot!" He could sense his words understood by the monster, for it felt as though more weight was shoved unto his already crushed chest.
Luckily the queen heeded his words, and shot a ribbon of golden fire into the monster's shoulder joint. This time it reacted, and the monster howled into the air and cast the duo aside, sending them rolling painfully across the metal floor. Before they could even process their freedom, the monster was on them again, free and pissed as a beast should. Its massive body of nothing but legs spread out about the hall, a tangle of vines and branches hooked into every nook and crevice on the wall like a big green spiderweb. Flame Queen gave it another taste of her fire, aiming full into its shoulder. The beast wrenched away from them, its tender joint smoking and hissing and blistering, dripping the red goop unto the floor by the bucket-loads.
"Down this hall!" said the queen. She took off down the black void before them, not knowing where it led. Flame Queen had to grab the boy by his wrist and yank him along. The burning pain in his wrist was agonizing, but adrenaline coursing through his veins made the whole world numb, and he ignored it, even when his flesh began to blister. When he dared to look over his shoulder he saw it coming, the monster barreling through the tiny hallway after them, pushing aside any pipes and debris in its path as a stampede of rhinos would. Even with one leg injured, the boy came to understand, it still had twenty more to take its place.
"Just! Keep! Running!" cried Flame Queen. She covered their escape with a couple blindly-thrown fireballs. They did nothing to slow the beast down, and only proved to fuel its fury.
"Look!" the boy pointed. "I think I see a light!"
Indeed, there was eventually an end to this corridor, a giant circular room that pinged to life with blindingly-white floodlights. The voice of a computerized female came on amidst all the madness: "Warning: hazardous organisms detected. Filtration Unit reactivated. Running off emergency solar-power grids. Clear the area immediately."
A clamorous moan from above - they looked up, and saw a massive industrial fan beginning to turn, slow at first but both the boy and the queen knew it would become just a massive brown blur, soon to be red if they did not leave the area. But the only way out was where they came in, and the monster was suddenly upon them, screaming and snapping.
Even with his great size the monster could not stay anchored on the ground, and began to lift with twenty claws scratching into the floor, trying to find purchase but gaining none. Just when the boy was foolish enough to believe that this was its end, two shapeless arms from its wooden ribcage lashed out and grabbed both he and Flame Queen, while the other half a hundred each found a place to along the walls to grab onto. This beast, he thought with irony, was their savior and doom all at once.
The fan behind the monster spun till it was but a brownish blur, whirring and sucking everything beneath them and chopping it up into shrapnel or meal. Beyond the fan, sunlight shone in a teasing blue sky, just within reach but at the same time so very far. If this is how it ends, then I'm ready, the boy thought. But Flame Queen is not ready yet.
He looked to his poor mistress, writhing against the arm's soaking grapple, her roaring hair twisting and snapping in the fan's mighty suction. How can I get this monster into that meat grinder?
The boy needed only to observe his surroundings to find the solution. "Flame Queen!" he cried. She looked at him with striking amber eyes, filled with battle-rush and anger. "Throw fire into those red things!" He at the big red tanks back on the ground, tucked away behind a metal grate.
She didn't spare a single thought before flinging a dozen fireballs at the tank, somehow managing a direct hit even as they were being thrashed around.
Even with all the screaming going on - between Flame Queen, the monster and the fan - a roaring, splitting, fiery crash of flame on metal was the loudest of all in the boy's ear. Then he heard a short, sharp woof in his ear, like someone blowing out a candle. Half a blink later came a roar, and not from the monster.
All feeling in his back left him, and green flesh smacked him in the face, filling his nose and mouth with earthy flavors. Then he was airborne, spinning and yelling and deafened by tearing metal and a roaring fire. Soon he became unsure of which way was up, but he did feel natural clean air blow against his face again. The boy landed hard on his back, though it didn't hurt as much as it should have, for a bed of thick, plush grass, some of the greenest he has ever seen, cushioned his fall. He stared listlessly at the sky, unsullied by clouds; it was just blue, vast as he could see, with the mountain from which he and Flame Queen entered the dungeon peeking at the corner of his sight. The boy just lied there for the longest time, slowly letting his senses return. Soon he felt his entire person was soaked to the bone in the monster's burn-healing blood.
"Flame Queen!?" he shot up upon realizing this.
He found her lying several feet away, charring the grass around her and with hunks of plant-flesh scattered all around. She stirred to the boy's words, and sat up beaming him a weary smile. "That was intense," she chuckled tiredly. "I got lucky. That big dummy had butterfingers and he dropped me into the explosion." Flame Queen gave him a once over, grinning at his slouching figure covered head to toe in red goop. "I'd say we both made it out okay. Can you imagine what would happen if he dropped you and hugged me instead?"
The boy nodded, smiling nervously. He'd rather not imagine what could have happened.
"So Finn," she continued, standing herself up, "I've been thinking...in the Fire Kingdom, we have a bookkeeper named Magmeius. He's okay, but kind of disorganized. I was thinking, if you really wanted to, you could stay with us and help him around. I know he'd appreciate the help, and I think this is a job you'd be really good at. So what do you say? Is this something you're interested in?"
The boy had no idea what to say. Thank you, Your Grace! Thank you! for starters. He could only make a smile, and it seems that Flame Queen understood the gesture well enough.
But it would seem that Fate has other plans for the boy with no purpose.
Ahooooooooooo. The call rolled across hillocks and the approaching trample of a hundred horses sounded from a looming hill at their backs. Someone was blowing a horn. The boy and Flame Queen whirled around and saw them pouring over the hilltop, a swarm of ants from afar. Ahooooooo, ahooooooo.
When they saw the flashes of many silver swords, his protector clenched her teeth. "This doesn't look good." Flame Queen stepped in front of the boy, her fists wreathed in golden flame. The boy felt a stirring in his belly - he sensed the threat as well.
The fight lasted only a couple seconds. The men on horseback swarmed over them like a tidal wave of howls and laughter. The boy fell to his knees with his hands up, as a form of surrender. I know my betters, he thought. This is a fight we cannot win. The same couldn't be said for Flame Queen.
She yelled as she shot forth a tongue of fire from each hand. The force of it only managed to unhorse a couple men, but never lingered to inflict any real harm. No one challenged her to combat though, and why would they? These men knew how to make her kneel, and the boy did as well. He did not resist when a Marauder and a Water Elemental in barnacle-crusted stone armor grabbed him by both arms.
"Snuff your flame, Princess!" barked the Elemental. "Or we'll open his throat!" The nub of arm he grabbed became soaked and clammy. Cold wet fingers crept down his spine as the queen gazed at the three with glowing red eyes.
Don't, Your Grace. I'm not worth it.
But sadly she cared too much for the boy she once knew. The princess begrudgingly extinguished the fire in her hands and allowed two of her own people to grab her by the arms.
"Make way!" a voice boomed over the surrounding knights. "Captain's on deck!"
A cluster of Jungle Warriors and Raggedy People parted to make way for the "captain." When the boy saw him, his mouth dropped like it was full of so much stone. He could not believe the irony of it all. Of course it's him. I'm about to be taught a lesson... The boy wanted to scream, he wanted to just break into laughter. But for whatever reason, the only thing to come out of his mouth was a pitiful whimper. Why didn't you sacrifice me, Your Grace? You could have made my life and yours so much easier.
And then the boy rediscovered his true purpose. "Funn," he whispered. "My name is Funn. That is all I am and all I will ever be."
Master's right hand man stood, eyes wide as Funn's. "Oh my..." He clapped his red hands together, his fat slimy lips curled into a sinister white smile. "This day just got a lot more interesting."
With hungry blue eyes, Mister Ricardio leered to each of his new captives.
My first ever real attempt at writing a sort of "adventure". Tried to build up atmosphere and a little bit of horror. Did I do alright?
Anyways, oh shit. We're at the beginning of the end guys. This is where shit really hits the fan. What will happen to the hotheaded Flame Princess? How will Bubblegum react?
For the review responses next chapter, I'd be willing to also answer any questions you guys may have. So if you have one concerning the story, my feelings on the show or whatever, I'd be more than happy to answer them! And please, tell me what you honestly think of this story so far. What's making you keep reading it and such; I'm curious!
On a lighter note: "This thing's locked up tighter than Breakfast Princess's bunghole." No idea where that came from. Don't...Don't look up what a bunghole is, kiddies. And the line Flame Princess thought, "I'm hurting you because I love you". Don't take that out of context; she's talking about a friendship love, platonic. No romantic intention behind it (plus it was meant to mirror what Marceline once said, because why not).
Time to respond to some of your loving reviews (since I haven't done that in a while):
Wolfy Lovehand: Prepare thyself. Things are about to happen that will make you fall off your seat.
misscakerella: Finn's progress has been slow but steady. But what will happen now that he's back in the Cretins' hands?
Rulingthunder: I hope I continue to deliver on everybody's emotions and personalities.
123lionclan: Exactly
D PUNK: I'm glad I exceeded your expectations!
And to Oobserver, Fundindar, Rick Bang and Ransomrigged: Thank you guys for following this story and leaving such thoughtful reviews. This may seem lame, but you guys are awesome and you make me feel pretty awesome. So thank you.
And to everybody who reacted to Susan getting her head popped: You. Are. Welcome. I laughed evilly at every one of your comments.
Thanks again for reading. You guys are the bomb.