A/N: 05/03/08. I have deleted the scene of Harry and Hermione from this chapter. I was just wasted words really and didn't mean much to the story in general. I also want to spend longer in building up the Dean/Meg part that comes next. I hope this hasn't ruined it for anyone who may be re-reading. Thanks.
Severus Snape apparated back to the school entrance; his face dark and meaner than ever. His eyes narrowed as he saw the school ahead of him. He stayed by the gates, his hands stretched out to open them.
Damn her!
His face twisted in anger. How dare she work her way into his life, disrupting his routine, desecrating his classroom? How dare she question his teaching methods? How dare she run out on him, without telling him where she was going?
He slammed the gates back on themselves in anger. She was making a fool out of him. He knew that it was common knowledge to the staff they'd been sleeping together. Knew that it was something that had surprised them, that someone like her, would be attracted to someone like him. Hell, they probably wondered how anyone could be attracted to him. He wondered why she'd even given him another look, let alone access to her body. But she had and he wasn't sure he could give her up now.
"Not the kind of man you take home to meet your parents." The words had hurt him. If he was truly honest, and he'd never tell her, but they had hurt him deeply. Not because she'd said it, but because it was the truth. How did you introduce someone like him anyway?
"Hello Mister and Misses Kincaid, I'm Severus Snape, former Death Eater, responsible for several deaths, hundreds of attacks on muggles and, generally causing mayhem and terror for nearly three years. Oh, and by the way, I've been teaching your daughter several different ways of making love; some of them still illegal in several countries."
He snorted, that wouldn't exactly get him a handshake and a clap on the back. More like several broken bones and a kicking out of her house.
He had wondered when she'd wake up to him. He ran a hand through his hair and realised that he hadn't washed it for several days. He didn't care. He couldn't be bothered. He'd started to make a bit of an effort when it seemed she was going to hang around. But even that bit of effort hadn't lasted long and he'd soon slipped back into going days, sometimes even weeks without washing it. He didn't like standing under a shower with water and soap blinding his vision. It unsettled him that for several minutes he was completely vulnerable. But she'd never complained, hadn't flinched from touching it.
He liked the way she'd come and sit on his lap sometimes and play with his hair absently, while she chatted about something trivial. Never remarking on the state his hair had to be in. Never reminding him about the time he'd coolly told her that washing his hair didn't make a difference!
Even when he tried to remove her from his lap, complaining about having marking to do…
He stopped in mid track… surely not.
She'd yelled on the station something about not knowing if she was coming or going; he hadn't really listened to her, too mad with her for running off like that. But he thought she was happy with what they had.
He frowned, trying to think what they actually did have. Great sex, no point denying that. They could hold a relatively decent conversation on potions. Even if she did have some funny ideas on it. He liked knowing she was around…
He sighed, turned and the moment he was outside the gate, apparated back to the station.
Meg could hear a slight noise behind her, like a rustling of paper. The wind probably. She slumped further down onto her bag, her knees drawn up to her chin, her arms wrapped protectively around her.
A small paper bag was dropped onto the floor at her feet. Startled she looked up, but there was no one in front of her.
Reaching forward she opened the bag and saw some Mints.
She stood up quickly, her robe catching in her boot. She fell onto her knees giving a cry of pain as she landed heavily.
"Trying to fly without a broomstick?" came a slow amused drawl.
"Severus?" She turned, still on her knees to see Snape leaning against the wall, his arms folded.
"Couldn't get raisins so mints will have to do."
"Why?" she was confused and certain she was dreaming.
"They were all I could get," he replied smoothly, not moving from the wall.
"No… I mean why are you here?" she got to her feet awkwardly, making sure her robe was free this time
"Making sure you get on the train," he intoned lazily.
Meg bit her lip hard, refusing to cry.
"Damn you, Snape!" she spat and threw the bag at him. He caught it and put it back in his robes.
"Already been done," he told her quietly. "I damned myself twenty years ago."
She stared at him, tears in her eyes, but she refused to let him see them.
"And I'll be damning myself again if I let you get on that train without finding out why first!" He stood of the wall and crossed to her slowly, his dark eyes never leaving her face.
"I have to go home… things to sort out." She bent and picked up her bag, holding it against her, as if it was her last line of defence.
"I heard that in the staff room," he remarked and stopped close enough for her to have to look up to see his face.
"You were in the staff room?" she asked startled. "I didn't see you!"
"I'm surprised. Hillary Hooch nearly fell of her chair trying to get you to look in my direction."
"Oh… I…Oh…" Horror dawned on her as she remembered what she'd said to Dean.
"Oh, dear!" She sagged slightly. "I didn't mean it quite like that; that is to say, I would take you to meet my parents. If I thought you'd want to go, of course there is the problem that they've been dead awhile now, but I could always take you to their graves. I go quite frequently, although why you would want to see…."
"You're rambling, something I've come to expect, but not now Megan. Will you stay here, with me this weekend?"
He reached out a finger and touched her cold cheek gently.
She shut her eyes and sighed, her heart felt torn in two. She so badly wanted to say yes, let him take her back and give in. But she wasn't sure how much she could take. He pushed her away with one hand and drew her back with the other.
"I think we need to talk, Megan," he said softly, his whole hand cupping her cheek now. She felt so soft to his touch; he only had to touch her to feel some sort of peace settle in him. He needed her to stay.
"You don't talk, Severus, you growl, or you spit, or sneer, or you say nasty things. You don't know how to talk if it doesn't involve the word cauldron or potion…" He cut her off in the only way he knew would work. He pulled her to him and kissed her. One hand gripped the bag between them and tugged it from her hands to drop to the floor.
He slid his hands to her upper arms and pulling her up slightly, pressed her close to him.
Meg groaned; her hands clutched at his cloak. Her head spinning, the taste of him in her mouth, the feel of his tongue against hers, was enough to make her lean into him, demanding as much from him as he was demanding from her.
"Stay," he muttered, his lips sliding down the column of her throat, intent on getting to that place just below her ear. He felt her resist slightly; he tugged her to him closer, not allowing her any movement.
"Stay… please," he breathed into her ear and felt her sag; he'd won.
"Okay…" her voice cracked on that one word, but it didn't make him feel the usual elation that he felt when he'd seduced her in the past. He heard that weary tone again; as if she'd given in under enormous pressure. He moved his head back slightly to look down into her eyes, but they were closed.
"Open your eyes, Megan," he whispered, blowing on her face slightly. She opened them and glared up at him.
"Damn you, Severus Snape," she muttered. She would go back with him; would give in to him again, knowing that it made her cheap, made her feel more like his possession than his…, she closed her eyes again, burying her face in his cloak. She would just have to find a way of accepting that, for him it was merely physical, nothing more.
She took a deep breath, sniffing the musk, purely masculine smell of his cloak, and stood back from him.
"Come on then," she muttered and picked up her bag.
"Thank you," he replied, with none of the usual sarcasm that usually laced his voice.
"Yeah, well, you'd better make it worth my while," she reached forward and began to pat over his robes.
"What on earth are you doing now, Professor Kincaid," he asked dryly, watching her hand roam over his robes.
"Looking for those mints," she muttered, and locating them, slid her hand into one of the many pockets in the robe and drew out the bag.
She pushed her bag against him and couldn't help but grin as he took it arching his eyebrow at her.
"I wasn't aware I was your lackey!" The sarcasm was back.
"I get the feeling you'd be nobody's lackey," she replied, popping a mint into her mouth, she held one out for him, but he shook his head, she shrugged and popped it into her mouth as well.
"You resemble a chipmunk," he pointed out, a mint in each cheek making them puff out slightly.
She took her bag back from him and turned to wander off the station. He hadn't moved, just watched her, she turned and sighed.
"Are you coming or not?" she asked around a mouthful of half chewed mint, making her words sound slurred.
"Did no one ever tell you it's rude to talk with your mouth full?" he watched as she swallowed quickly, wincing as a sharp bit caught her throat.
"And did no one ever tell you that you can be a complete and utter bastard?"
"Frequently," he replied honestly and slid his hand over her cheek before starting off the platform.
"Come on then, Professor Kincaid," he called casually over his shoulder.
"Watch it, Snape! I can still get back on that train," she muttered, it hadn't taken him long to revert back to his normal, less than nice self.
He turned, his eyebrows drawn together.
"Yes, you could," he seemed to murmur to himself. "Perhaps I should just…" He didn't finish what he was going to say, because he stepped up to her, caught her round the waist and muttering the spell, Apparated them back to the gates of Hogwarts.
"Oh Merlin's…" she gripped hold of his arm as nausea washed over her. She disliked Apparating at the best of times; but with someone else it was always much worse.
"Looks like you don't Apparate well either, Professor Kincaid," he smirked, his mouth by her ear as he held her close, feeling her shaking in his arms.
"I can just about manage on my own, but with someone else, it just turns my stomach," she muttered into his robes.
He slid his hands down over her back, till he held her hips.
"Were your parents magical folk?" he asked her quietly.
He felt her stiffen in his arms, but he held her tightly, preventing her from backing away from him.
"My mum was a muggle, my dad a wizard, why? Does it bother you that I'm not pureblood?" she frowned, her eyes reflecting uncertainty and fear.
"Why should it bother me?" he asked his face dark and unreadable.
"Well… I mean…" She placed her hand on his left arm and shrugged.
He let her go so quickly that she almost fell before righting herself.
"I was merely referring to the fact that some muggle born witches tend to have trouble mastering things like flying and apparating," he snapped, he grabbed her bag from her and opening the gates, stood back to let her go in.
"All right, all right, calm down," she muttered as she passed him to go through. "I was just wondering; a logical question considering your past tendencies."
"You know nothing about my past!" He caught up with her, gripping her arm.
"I know nothing about you full stop!" she snapped angrily, wrenching her arm free. "You won't let me!" She snatched her bag back and marched up the path that lead to the front entrance.
She went in and without looking back made her way to her rooms, annoyed with him for being difficult, annoyed with herself for not being stronger.
She sat awkwardly at the table; aware of several glances from the other staff that had known she was going home for the weekend. Snape sat beside her, back ramrod straight as usual. His black eyes watching the students like a hawk.
Meg ate her food quietly; glad for the easy going chatter Filius was keeping up that didn't require much work from her. Eventually even Filius dried up though and the awkward silence became too much for her.
"Severus…" she murmured his name softly. "I apologise for what I said earlier, I should have known better."
He turned his head slightly and regarded her; he arched an eyebrow and went back to watching the students, not saying anything.
"Look." He gave a tiny nod down at the Slytherin table and Meg looked.
Pansy Parkinson was sitting beside Malfoy, her arm around his shoulder, her mouth against his ear, clearing whispering something to him. Meg looked over at Ginny, who was also watching the couple, her face giving away every feeling in her.
"Oh dear," Meg muttered. "What is she up to?"
"Probably blackmailing Malfoy as we speak, interesting to see if he really cares enough to handle this."
Meg sighed, why did everything have to be so hard.
"It's a damn shame she can't keep her poisonous claws to herself," she spat, setting her napkin down on her plate. Instantly her dirty plates were removed and her place setting was clear.
"Professor Kincaid," his tone dripped icy disapproval.
"Oh for goodness sake, Severus, if you can't see that girl is going to make trouble then you're blind as well as biased!"
He snorted disdainfully and pushed his chair back.
"If you've finished, would you care for a walk?" he asked coldly.
She nodded and got up to follow him out, Filius had stood as well, declaring the food to be excellent. She let him go first, but he held back.
"Thanks you, Filius, ever the gentlemen! Shame not everyone has such good manners," she said loud enough for Severus to hear.
"Quit whining, Kincaid, it doesn't suit you," his icy voice floated back to her, making her stick her tongue out at him, just as he turned to wait for her by the door.
He arched an eyebrow at her. As she passed him, he leant down to whisper in her ear.
"I have a much better use for that tongue of yours if you're interested." She flamed bright red and rushed by hurriedly. She knew no one else would have heard, but the silky voice he used sent shivers down her spine.
"Need anything from the forest? I thought we could just take a walk on the edges," he said to her as he came to stand beside her.
"I could use some more Delphi Roots," she murmured as she mentally scanned her store cupboards.
"Let's go down and fetch some gloves then." He indicated for her to go ahead of him and the devil that sometimes resided on her shoulder made her turn to him and wink.
"I see you've dredged up some manners!" She said sweetly and then swept on ahead, she heard him snort behind her as he followed.
She went into her study and began rummaging in her supply box for some dragon hide gloves.
She heard the door shut and then click as the lock was slid into place.
"You told me I'd better make it worth your while coming back here," came a deep, slow and slightly husky voice from behind her.
She sat back on her heels smiling, when it came down to it, really came down to it, and if she was honest with herself, she knew she wouldn't have been able to stay away all weekend. She was a martyr to masochism and she might as well admit it. If she couldn't have anything else with him except this, she'd take it and ask no questions. Refuse to acknowledge the hurt she felt when he would turn his back on her afterwards. Refuse to acknowledge that she was truly alone, even when he was beside her. She could keep kidding herself this, and she would believe it; right up to the point where he would roll away from her without a word.
She shuddered as his cool fingers slid under her chin to the clasp that held her robes together.
"I need those Delphi Roots," she husked, her voice gave her away instantly.
"I expect they will still be there tomorrow," he breathed against her ear as he leant down to kiss her neck.
"Hum…probably…" she agreed as his fingers traced a delicate pattern down her throat to the top of her cardigan.
She turned on her knees and pulled his arms till he sank to his knees in front of her.
He slid her cardigan off her shoulders, his dark eyes glittering with desire as they followed the path his fingers trailed over her.
"I'm sorry about what I said to you…" She needed him to know that she didn't doubt him, that she trusted him.
"Ssh!" He placed a finger on her lips, his face closed slightly. "Don't talk," he muttered and leaning forward took her lips with his; his tongue seeking and gaining entrance to her mouth.
Meg closed her eyes and wound her arms around his neck. Pushing any doubts away firmly.
Monday came and went quickly, the fist and second years came back relatively unscathed, and completely over excited by their trip.
The Professors looked hassled and ragged.
"Fun?" she asked Snape as he slumped onto the bed, fully clothed.
"Hell," he corrected. "Running around after hundreds of screaming brats, this isn't one of Albus' better ideas!"
"You're just getting old…" she stopped as she saw he was asleep.
Smiling, she covered him with a blanket and got ready for bed herself. She crept in beside him careful not to wake him up. She lay on her back, listening to his even breathing. Somehow she doubted he'd been running around after the children. She couldn't imagine him running everywhere. He wouldn't need to; one icy look and biting sarcastic comment from him would be enough to stop any child from crossing him.
He mumbled something in his sleep about children acting like monkeys and the potions just weren't strong enough. She smiled again and reaching out placed her hand on his arm.
He grumbled loudly and pulling away, he rolled over to face away from her.
Meg turned away from him and let the pillow soak up her tears as she cried silently.
The anger on his face was apparent as he glared at the man standing before them in the staff room.
"What's he doing here," he growled so darkly, Meg felt a shiver of unease ripple through her.
The look of hate on the other man's face made it apparent that there was no love lost here.
"I'm here to see Harry," he spat back at Snape.
"Harry doesn't frequent the staff room Black, so get out!"
"Severus…" Meg said his name before she thought. It unsettled her to see so much anger and tension.
Snape turned and glared at her, the hate in his eyes not wavering once and she actually took several steps backwards as the full force of his glare hit her.
"Oh!" She felt Minerva's hand on her arm steadying her.
"Come on now gentlemen please," Minerva's sharp voice did nothing to affect either man.
The door opened and Dumbledore came in with Harry.
Black saw Harry and the change over him was considerable; his face cleared of the ugly expression, leaving him look much younger.
He moved past Snape and took Harry into his arms.
Harry was very happy to see him. He hugged him fiercely before letting go and standing back slightly to look at him better.
Meg watched Snape sneer in contempt and sweep out the door.
"Oh dear!" Minerva sighed. "There goes the thought of a quiet Christmas!" She shook her head and settled into a chair.
Meg wondered what to do, whether she should follow Snape or let him go.
She didn't have to think much before excusing herself and heading out of the staff room. She found Snape deep in the restricted section of the library.
"Brooding?" she asked lightly sitting down opposite him.
"I don't brood," he replied icily, not even bothering to look up from the book he was reading.
Meg arched an eyebrow and bit back the word "much" that sprang to her lips.
"Who is he?"
"A bastard," he intoned, slamming the book shut so hard it complained loudly and sent a flurry of dust up into their faces. Meg sneezed, and grimaced at Snape.
"So do I call him bastard? Or does he have a nickname I can use?"
"If you've any sense you won't be calling him anything. You'll stay away from him."
"Wow!" She sat back. "I never pegged you as another Dean. What did he do to you?"
Snape's head shot up, he glared at her. His black eyes like chips of ice.
"I am nothing like Rider… this situation is nothing like yours!"
"So, you do have a past, funny I was starting to think you were born fully formed at eighteen."
"Did you come here just to annoy me? Because I can tell you that you're doing an excellent job of it," he snapped and, with a flick of his wand the book was back on its shelf, behind the chains that kept them in place.
"Sorry," Meg sighed. "I came here 'cause I figured you could use a friend. That man obviously upset you badly, I just thought you might be…" he cut her off with a mocking snort.
"Don't feel yourself under some misguided obligation to try and help me," he remarked icily and Meg snapped. Something in her just gave; she rose to feet, her hands planted firmly on the desk. Her face a mask of fury.
"How dare you… How dare you insult me like this? What did I ever do to you to make you such a damn bastard to me? I wanted to help you Severus, not to repay you for …for… for… I don't know… for helping me with Dean. I appreciate the pensieve; it worked. But that's not why I'm here now. I am not misguided, just an idiot!" She was close to tears now, but he just stared up at her as if she'd gone completely insane.
"I thought we were friends, Severus, I thought that at least I could lay a claim to that much. But no! You, mighty, bloody, Severus Snape doesn't need friends do you? And certainly not me! What is it? Not pure-blooded enough for you? Only good enough for one thing I suppose; well you can shove it right where the sun doesn't shine! I've had it. Totally had it! I won't play your whore anymore. You won't let me in one inch and it's just not enough for me! You can find someone else to keep your sheets warm 'cause I resign!"
She turned and left the library, totally ignoring Madam Pince who had come to find out what all the commotion was about.
She made it to her classroom, her temper still high. She should never have given into him. She knew what sort of person he was; knew he was probably the most self- absorbed person she'd ever met, besides herself that was. She snorted and slammed the door shut behind her. He had far more hang-ups than she did and that was saying something!
She shook her head as she sat down. She'd never met such a foul-tempered, cold-hearted person before. His mean spirit sometimes overwhelmed her. But she still loved him and she didn't know why.
She'd seen a side of him that told her that maybe he wasn't completely without a soul. The evenings they spent together, either in the schools kitchens or in the library were times when he'd let her see a little of what he may have been like under different circumstances. She knew he had a hard past; knew that things must have driven him to the Dark Lord. What things, she might never know. She could guess at what kind of things he'd have done for the Dark Lord, she'd heard the reports and read the papers. Remembered the terror that would fill her soul every time she went home; just waiting and praying that she wouldn't turn the corner and see the Dark Mark hovering over the house.
Her family had been particularly at danger. She'd heard horrific tales of what Death Eaters would do to muggle born witches and muggle relatives.
She didn't know exactly what happened at the Dark Revels, but she didn't need to be told that innocent people had died horrifically and painfully, at the hands of people who wore the same mark that lay under Severus skin.
She didn't want to know what he'd done, but she knew that if he were ever to tell her, it wouldn't change how she felt for him. It was in his past, who he used to be. Dean had accused him of changing sides when the going got tough and, for all she knew he could be right. But if cowardice had motivated his moves then, nothing would have convinced him to become a spy for Dumbledore when Voldemort began to rise again. He had spied, at great personal risk, when he could have merely melted away into the background.
Meg sighed wearily, knowing that even though he had succeeded in pushing her away, it wouldn't make her stop loving him. If he never spoke to her again, she would always love the man who'd sat with her in the kitchens, the man who'd sat with her as she'd watched her memories go into the pensieve. The man he was underneath the thick layer of hate and sarcasm that he wore around him. He may never change, she wasn't sure she wanted him to. But whatever he did, it wouldn't change her love for him. She was doomed either way.
She was perfectly in control. Her face gave no indication of her internal turmoil. She looked round at her class of 7th Slytherin and Gryffindors and smiled.
"So, with just this week to go, there's no point in learning new stuff, so now's your chance. Any of the potions or lectures that didn't make sense we can go over now. Anyone?"
Hermione Grangers hand shot in the air. Slightly surprised she called on her.
"I'm a bit worried about my paper for the Memory Regain Potion."
"Which part?" asked Meg.
"I only got 89," she replied and the class groaned. Meg sniggered, the rest had scrapped a 60 and under.
"YOU'RE BLOODY DOING WHAT?"
Meg just had time to see Ron launch from his desk at Malfoy.
She hurried down to where Ron and Draco were scraping quite viscously on the floor.
"Mister Malfoy, Mister Weasley, contain yourselves!" she shouted and tried to pull them apart.
A miss-aimed hit from Draco caught her nose and sent her backwards into Neville Longbottom's desk.
The class froze as she lay sprawled on Neville's lap. Blood poured out of her nose, covering her and Neville.
"Miss!" Neville caught her arms and helped her to her feet, looking very worried. He handed her his hanky.
Meg was furious. She stuffed the hanky to her nose, her eyes spitting fire at both boys, who now stood limply staring at her in horror. Draco has a split lip and a bruised eye. Ron's nose was bleeding a hard as her own.
"Fifty points from both houses!" Her voice muffled through the pain and blood. "Weasley, Malfoy get yourselves up to the infirmary now. Sort yourselves out and then get yourselves back down here immediately. Anymore fighting and I'll have you both expelled!"
She sat on Neville's desk and tried to stop the blood flow. She gave up and used her wand.
"I think it's broken!" Hermione stated.
"Thank you, Miss Granger, please sit down. Miss Parkinson, I presume you had something to do with that little scene." She turned on the smirking girl quickly, blood still dripping of her chin. She wiped it and glared at her.
"No, miss," She lost the smirk straight away at the sight of her furious Potions teacher.
"Miss, look." Hermione gave her a scrap of paper, which she took and read silently.
"Another fifty points from Slytherin for trying to incite violence, and detention the rest of this week!"
She turned and went up to her desk, her nose was indeed broken and agony to boot.
"Miss. I'll miss the trip!" Pansy wailed behind her.
"You should have thought about that before putting quill to paper in a nasty letter!" she muttered her voice reflecting the pain she felt.
"But…"
"SILENCE!" Meg turned on the girl and saw the look of utter hatred pass her face.
"Get out your books, read quietly until I get back, you two," she spoke to Draco and Weasley who were still hovering, sending each other nasty looks.
"I don't think I can trust you to get up there by yourselves… come on!"
She swept out the door the two boys shooting each other evil looks followed.
"You slimy greasy bastard…" She heard Ron's hissed whisper behind her. "You touch my sister and I'll…"
"You'll what?" Draco spat back. "I'm shaking in my shoes!"
Meg stopped on the stairs and turned to them.
"Shut up the pair of you!" She spat coldly. "You both should know better!"
"Problem Professor Kincaid?" came the icy cold voice of the last person she wanted to run into.
"No, all under control!" She turned and waved the boys to go on.
His eyebrows shot up at the sight of her nose, the blood starting to dry now, all over her chin, and the top of her robes.
"What the…" He took one look at her and swept down past her to her classroom.
She heard the boys up ahead, starting to get very vocal again. She sighed and hurried after them. Confident Snape would be sticking that large nose of his into what had happened.
She hissed at the two boys and it was enough to silence them.
"Get up these stairs and if I hear another word from either of you, you'll being doing detention right up till the Leaving Feast. Now move it!"
Neither boy had ever seen her quite so rattled and neither wanted to chance how serious she was. They hurried on ahead, with Meg telling them both how immature they were. She lectured them all the way up there. She left off briefly for Poppy to clean all three of them up, and then started again on the way back down to the classroom.
She was still giving them both an earful when she opened the door to her classroom and motioned for them to go in.
Snape was sat at her desk. His fingers linked together as he rested his elbows on the desk. His black eyes sweeping over the classroom, daring anyone to move out of place.
He looked up as she came in. But she hadn't seen him there; she was too busy glaring at the boys.
"Right get back to your seats, and you can report to Mr. Filch tonight, right after you've had your tea!" She still hadn't seen him as she crossed to Neville.
"Did I break the desk? I thought I heard something crack?"
Neville shook his head, his eyes flicking back and forth between Snape and her.
"Hermione fixed it…" he muttered.
"Thank you, Miss Granger, What's up Neville? Did I hurt you?" She was peering anxiously at the boy who had paled considerably, his eyes still flicking between the two of them.
"Mr Longbottom is trying to tell you to look behind you," came the slow mocking drawl of Snape.
Meg whirled, her hand going to her heart.
"I forgot all about you," she muttered and then collected herself.
"Thank you, for watching them." She kept her eyes on her desk, rather than look at him.
She was grateful when the bell sounded. And the students all stood up and hastily made their way out, all whispering.
"Not you, Mister Weasley!" Snapes cold voice rang out. "Or you, Mister Malfoy!"
Meg frowned; she could handle this without any of his help.
Ron and Draco stopped, and waited nervously by the door.
"It's all your fault, Malfoy!" hissed Ron.
"Professor Snape there really is no need for you…"
"There is when it's a boy from my house who hits another teacher!" he snapped, glaring at the three of them.
"It was an accident," Meg began, and motioned the boys to sit down for a moment. "It wasn't intended for me"
"I should hope not!" Snape hissed and rising to his feet came to stand in front of the desk.
"Could I… speak with you outside please Professor?"
He narrowed his eyes and nodded. He swept out of the room, with Meg behind him.
"I really don't need you to interfere here, Severus!" she said firmly, her eyes on the classroom door as she shut it.
"Malfoy is in my house… you would have been informing me of this, wouldn't you?"
"Yes I will… I mean I would. Same as Minerva will be informed."
"If I chose to deal with this now.."
"Is fine by me, but you deal with Malfoy only. Minerva won't appreciate you having a go at Weasley without her knowledge!"
He snorted and slightly inclined his head.
"Fine!" He opened the door. "Weasley get out of here! And if I ever catch you fighting you'll be expelled!" He didn't shout, but his cold, hard, dangerously low voice had more effect than yelling. Ron was on his feet and out the dungeons before he could blink.
"May I borrow your classroom?" he asked her coldly.
"Certainly." She nodded. She was tired now, her head was aching and despite the pain potion Poppy had given her, her nose was feeling very fragile. She was so relieved that had been the last class of the day.
She watched him go into the classroom and shut the door, sighing she went to her study. No doubt he was going to pat Malfoy on the back and tell him what a good boy he was, smashing a Gryffindor up.
Meg was sitting with her head resting on her folded arms at her desk, when someone knocked on the door.
"Come in." She didn't bother sitting up, she could see the door from here.
She wasn't surprised to see Snape standing there. He frowned, came in and shut the door behind him.
"Do you need any pain potions?" he asked quietly.
"No, Poppy dosed me up just fine." She sat up slowly. Now they were alone, with no students around, Meg began to feel very uncomfortable. She recalled quite clearly what she'd said to him in the library.
"This is the first chance I've had since break to talk to you, Megan." He sat down opposite her and folded his arms on the table.
She risked a quick look at his face and wished she hadn't; the cold sneer was present. His brows drawn so low he looked quite dangerous.
"I resent what you yelled at me in the library," he said softly, smoothly, the anger evident in the silky quality of his voice.
She shrugged and sat back in her chair, her face as blank as she could make it.
"I'm sure you'll get over it quickly," she said carelessly.
"Megan!" He slapped his palm on the table hard, making Meg jump. She bit her lip, trying hard to maintain her act of 'couldn't care less'.
"Don't be so bloody facetious," he growled at her. "You made some pretty sweeping accusations in there. Don't I get a chance at self defence?"
"If you're going to hurt me with it, then no, I guess you don't."
"It was never my intention to hurt you," he said softly, almost regretfully and Meg just managed to suppress a snort.
"It makes no difference to me what type of blood runs through your veins," he continued, his voice rumbled deeply, but he enunciated every word clearly.
Meg stood up, unable to sit still while she was feeling so much pain.
"It may…." He stopped, drew a breath and let it out on a sigh. "You know what I was," he muttered finally. "But you're missing the "was"."
"I lashed out at you. I'm sorry. I know you don't feel that way anymore, if you ever truly did. I'm sorry. It's wrong of me to keep harping back."
"How do you know what I feel about bloodlines?" he queried. "And if you say Albus wouldn't have hired me otherwise, can I just point out first that he's not infallible."
"Because the only students you differentiate between are your own. It doesn't matter if they're muggle born or not, they all get treated the same," she sighed. "You dislike one, you dislike the lot."
"Hardly sound reasoning," he remarked with a snort.
"Look, if you came here to say something just spit it out will you!" She rounded on him, her eyes large in her face. Her hands clenched at her sides.
"All right then, I'll spit it out as you so eloquently put it." He sat back and crossed his legs; completely composed. "I have never intimated that you're a whore. Never! I have not used you anymore than you have used me."
She hissed, fury building in her head. She felt like screaming at him, throwing things; anything to wipe that arrogant smirk from his face.
"I have not used you," she yelled at him, it was making her more annoyed to think he was sitting there quite impassively, nothing giving away his feelings, while Meg was almost levitating she was so angry.
"Then tell me how I've used you. I don't ever recall hearing you say no," he sneered at her. "If fact several times you've initiated it!"
Meg blushed furiously. She crossed her arms in an attempt to get control.
"Come on, I'm waiting," he spat coldly. "You've accused me of something, now back it up!"
"It's how I feel," she hissed right back at him. "It's how you make me feel."
"How?" it was a demand, a very angry demand.
"You really want to know?" she asked him, her anger making her breathing shallow and fast.
"Dammit, Megan!" He lost his control; he shot up from the chair and gripping her shoulders he thrust her backwards into her own chair.
"If I didn't want to know I wouldn't be here! Now stop asking stupid questions in a futile attempt to avoid the subject!" He was shouting now; his face reflecting pure anger. His eyes so hard and black that Meg abstractly thought they were chips of coal.
"Okay, you want to know, I'll tell you; but don't you dare shout at me for saying it." She tried to stand up but he just pushed her back down. He stood over her, his hands on his hips, his feet apart.
"You make me feel cheap; I feel cheap. I entered this knowing what I was doing. I really thought it wouldn't matter, but it does, and it's getting harder. I can understand why you don't like certain things, and I have never questioned you, never pushed you. But it hurts."
He sat down in the chair opposite, confusion mingling with the anger now.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." His voice was lower now, his temper firmly under control again, but his voice was still cold and hard.
Meg took a deep breath and ran a hand across her face.
"When… when you…" she ground to a halt and stood up again to pace slightly, he made no move to stop here this time.
"You know I was a virgin; I have nothing to compare things with." She took a quick glance at his face and winced at the look of anger he gave her.
"You enjoy it just as much, so don't you dare tell me otherwise," he snapped.
"No!" She shook her head, frustration creeping into her voice. "Just listen, please."
"I am, but you're not saying anything that makes sense!"
"The sex we have is wonderful, Severus, I feel like I'm in heaven. You make me feel like… I can't explain it; but it's like pure bliss. But that's all it is; sex." She stopped pacing and stood by her desk, her hands clasped firmly together. "I thought, after that first time, I thought that I could handle the way you just…"
"Just what?" he asked, the anger still apparent, but something else coloured his voice now.
"I don't know how to say it without being crude," she whispered, her cheeks flaming.
"Just say it, Megan," he ordered.
"After we've… after you've… well, you just turn away from me. You just roll off me and turn on your side away from me. You don't cuddle me, don't kiss me, you don't even talk to me. It's so cold, Severus. It makes me feel like you've just picked me off the street. I feel as if I'm just a convenient body to you. I really thought that it wouldn't matter. I know you're not a very tactile person. But I'm not that way; I grew up in a family that always overdosed on affection. It was just natural for us to touch, hug, kiss and talk to each other. I know that you're not that way, I don't know why and I never will unless you tell me, but that's not the point. The point is I thought I could handle it. If I had nightmares I knew I could roll over and touch you and you'd take me in your arms, if you were awake or not. It was okay, I could tell myself it was just you, and you dislike physical contact. I don't understand it, but I can respect it. But it's not just in bed, Severus, it's in everything. You push me away as a person but you're willing to have me in your bed. I just can't do it anymore. It's not enough." She sighed, her eyes filling with tears, the pain in her head was worse.
"It's all my fault really. When it first started with you it was just sex. I'd had boyfriends before; some even tried to get close. But none of them ever hit the right buttons; but you, you just have to look at me and the word 'no' just doesn't exist. I can't, I'm sorry, I love you too much…"
Meg realised the moment the words left her mouth what she'd said. She clapped her hand over her mouth and stared at him.
He stared at her, a look of total shock on his face.
"I… I… " Snape for probably the first time in his life was at a loss for words.
"It's okay… I'll never say it again." She stumbled to the door and wrenched it open. Snape reacted instantly, his senses back in control. He stood up, his wand raised and the door slammed shut again instantly; this time he locked it.
"Open the door please," she muttered, her hand on the door handle.
She heard him moving towards her, but she didn't look up or turn around. She was too frightened to see his reaction. She couldn't stand his pity, or worse, his revulsion.
"No," he spoke softly but firmly. He was right behind her now; she could feel his breath stirring her hair.
"Please…" she begged, silent tears ran down her face.
"You've never said that before," he muttered more to himself than her. He reached out and slid out the pins that held her hair in a loose bun. She heard the pins fall to the floor as he dropped them.
"I can't…" her voice cracked, but still she didn't turn around.
He caught her hair and she felt him bury his face into her hair, sniffing deeply. He wound a hand round her waist till his hand splayed on her stomach possessively. He pulled her back against him, till she fitted against his entire length.
"I don't want to…"
"Neither do I." He cut her off, his mouth by her ear, and she realised, pressed so close to him that he wasn't aroused; this wasn't about sex now.
"There are so many things I can't promise you. I can't promise that I'll ever tell you what I've done. I can't promise that I won't ever push you away again. It's been a part of my life for so long that it's like a second skin. I don't have words to say what I want to say to you… I'm not even sure I could say them even I did." He took a deep breath; his other arm crept around her waist to hold her tightly.
"I'm thirty seven and I have never touched a woman unless it was for physical release. I have never spent longer than one night with a woman; until I met you. I'm not certain if I love you. I don't think I'm truly capable of loving. I've seen and done things that you can't even imagine. I'm not worth loving, Megan. There's nothing in me that deserves to be loved; but I'm selfish and I won't let you go. I can't offer you much; I can't offer you anything. But please, don't walk out on me. You'll probably never hear me say this again; but I've got used to you. I…" he stopped, shifted on his feet slightly and then began again. "I like waking up knowing you're there. I like seeing you sleeping, or hearing you sing those muggle songs of yours. I like watching you when we make love." He stopped and took another deep breath.
"Do you really mean it?" Meg's voice was half hopeful, half scared.
"Yes." He turned his head slightly and kissed her ear gently. "I don't know how to be what you want. I'm still a dark hearted bastard, nothing will ever change that." He loosened his hold on her.
She turned in his arms, winding her arms around his neck.
He stepped forwards slightly till she had her back against the door. He looked down at her, his eyes dark, but gentle. He wasn't sneering or frowning at her; he almost looked uncertain.
"I can't promise that I'll be walking down to the great hall tomorrow holding your hand," he drawled.
Meg snorted with laughter, the tears drying on her cheeks. He didn't love her, but he didn't hate her.
"Can we be friends?" she asked quietly, looking up at him.
"I thought we already were. I know that sometimes I say things that are a bit harsh."
She arched her eyebrow at him unable to let that pass.
"Sometimes?"
"I never mean to hurt you. Well, yes, sometimes I do. You annoy me so much at times. It annoys me how much you've disrupted my life. I have tried to push you away. I'll probably try again; it doesn't sit right that someone like you, clever, loving, beautiful…"
"Now I know you've been at the cordial," she snorted. "I didn't ask you to lie to me; I'm also very capable of looking in a mirror. Seriously though, I don't want you holding my hand or whispering sweet nothings in my ear, that isn't you, and I want you. I'm pretty desperate here, Severus, I'll take you anyway I can get you, as long as I know you feel something for me, even if it is only friendship."
"I'll always feel something for you," he spoke softly. "So you'll stay."
"I'll stay, one thing.." She had to have this, if he gave her this, she could stand anything else he threw at her.
"What?" he asked, the frown starting to reappear.
"Could you, would you, when we… after… just one kiss, hold me for a bit, maybe?" she blushed and he immediately knew what she meant.
He nodded frowning and then his face cleared and his sneer reappeared.
"Why don't we practise that now?" he smirked at her, the vulnerable Snape gone, replaced with the usual arrogant one.
"Because tea is in ten minutes, and as much as I want you, my stomach wants food more!"
He laughed a clear deep laugh that she'd never heard from him before. It made her smile happily at him.
"One thing I can always rely on is that stomach of yours," he smirked.
"Works like clockwork," she agreed.
"Works over time if you ask me." He stood back from her and using his wand unlocked the door.
"Megan." He stopped her before she could step out of the room, she looked at him questioningly. "If anything bothers you again, talk to me about it. Don't run off."
She nodded slowly and smiled at him.
"Okay, but one thing though…" she grinned impishly at him.
"What now?" he sighed mockingly.
"My father always said that my mother was allowed to talk until she was understood. Would you do that for me?"
"With the riddles you tend to talk in I'll probably have to!" He smirked. "I take it you take your ability to say in five hundred words, what the rest of mankind can say in three, from your mother?"
She swatted his arm playfully, feeling happier now than she had done in a long time.
Snape snorted and pushed her gently into the corridor. He locked her room and they walked towards the great hall arguing quietly, both of them unaware of Pansy standing several feet away, hidden behind one of the pillars; a very sly look on her face.
"Oh! Isn't he adorable?" She hunched down and began stroking the big black dog that had come into the staff room with Remus Lupin.
She ruffled it and kissed its nose. It yelped and started to jump up slightly before starting at her fingers and licking its way up her arm.
She giggled and grinned at Remus who was looking very bemused at her.
"He's gorgeous… is he yours?"
"Um…" Remus coughed slightly as Minerva began to laugh.
"What?" Meg looked up at them "What is it?"
"That's Sirius licking you!" Remus said.
"Yes…" Meg laughed as the dog began to nuzzle under her chin.
"He is seriously licking me, aren't you, boy."
"No, it's Sirius," repeated Remus, looking at Meg as if she'd lost her marbles.
"Why's it serious? He doesn't have anything I could catch does he?"
That was obviously too much for Minerva who doubled up laughing.
"No… it's S I R I U S!" Remus helped her out a little by spelling the name.
"Isn't that a star constellation… did you name him after a constellation?"
Remus stared at her in shock. Minerva couldn't stand it anymore and had to leave the room.
"You're kidding me aren't you!" Remus laughed finally.
"Oh… I don't know…" Meg frowned now; something was going on that she had no idea about.
The door opened and Snape and Rider came in. Snape looked fit to kill, while Rider was laughing.
"We just met Minerva in the corridor," he laughed, and came over to pat the dog on its head.
The dog growled and turning its head he snapped at Rider's hand, narrowly missing his fingers.
Meg got up; the look on Snape's face as he looked at the dog was enough to tell her all wasn't as it seemed.
"Seems as if Black doesn't like you much!" Snape said dryly to Rider.
"Black?" squealed Meg and jumped backwards away from the dog so fast she fell and ended up sitting on the stone floor.
Dean glared at Snape before backing out of the staff room.
Meg watched in amazement as the dog slowly changed form and became the man she'd seen with Harry. He laughed and catching her hand pulled her to her feet.
"Oh!" Meg felt stupid, extremely stupid, she glared at Snape.
"Thanks for telling me," she spat.
"I just did," he replied smoothly and glaring at Black, swept past him to get a coffee and sit in the corner, furthest away from Sirius and Remus.
"I apologise on my friends behalf," Remus grinned at her.
"I don't apologise for anything," Sirius laughed. "I enjoyed every minute of it!"
Meg grinned despite herself.
"I have to go and find a corner and die of embarrassment," she laughed as she went to the door.
"Anytime you feel like repeating the experience, just let me know," called Sirius as she opened the door.
Meg laughed and went out shutting the door. She turned to go down the stairs...
"All set for tomorrow?"
Meg suppressed a sigh as she heard Dean's voice behind her.
"Sort of," she relied, trying to keep her voice light and easy.
"I'm quite looking forward to it. That is if Ron and Draco can stop killing themselves for five minutes."
"Hum!" Meg walked faster, but he just kept up.
"Are you flying to Hogsmede?" he asked innocently and pleasantly, but it was enough to make Meg snap.
"What do you want?" she snapped, not looking at him as she hurried faster down the stairs.
"Nothing, nothing at all. Slow down in case you trip… oops! Too late!" He laughed as he stuck out his foot, catching hers. She pitched forward before she could react.
The scream in her throat cut off as her head banged on the stone steps. She frantically tried to catch something to stop her fall. But her hands grasped fresh air as she slipped, tumbling head over heels down the long flight of stairs.
She crumpled at the bottom, blood seeping down the side of her face. She tried to stand, but the pain was too intense. Every part of her was in agony.
"Do you need help?" Dean leaned over her, his face contorted into worry, but his eyes belied his words.
"Don't worry Professor I'll get help soon." He stood up. " You really should look where you're going next time you might not be so lucky!" He grinned down at her. "Hold still, this shouldn't hurt a bit, Obliviate," he murmured.
Meg sobbed, everything went black.
A/N: Severus still can't quite get it into his thick head that he loves Meg, but he'll be forced to admit it soon! Even if I have to beat him senseless first!
Monday sees the release of "Truly, Madly, Deeply" on DVD and, my better half has promised to buy it for me! Happy, happy me!
Thanks to everyone who's taking their time and effort to read my ramblings. I still find it hard to imagine that anyone likes this. But I just want to thank you for taking the time to write such nice things.
I've re-uploaded the first two chapters as I really wasn't happy with the way they looked… and I made a few errors in consistency (oops!) well hopefully it's all sorted now!
P.S. P.A.R. Thanks for your very helpful and flattering review!
I've only just logged on quickly to post this, so I just read it through quickly, and came straight back to add this before posting it.
I'm going to spend some time to really look it through and think about what you're saying. You have some really helpful and thought provoking comments there!
By the way… just a quicky. Neville does have a part in it, but I had to spend some time building up his and Meg's relationship. He does have a quite big part to play later on! That and the fact I'm quite partial to him… he seems so sweet and undervalued that I couldn't resist using him instead of someone else. (Plus the whole hate thing he has going with Snape is important too!) Did that make sense? Probably not!
Another quicky. Spelling and grammar… I've forgotten most of what I've learnt (and that wasn't much to begin with). So help and advice on that is always gratefully received. I honestly don't know my comas from my semicolons! (I rely on Word's grammar check for a lot… but even then it only says something isn't right… not why it isn't right!)
Anyway enough blathering… Thank you!
Hope everyone has a good day/night wherever you happen to live!