Je espére que vous apprécierez ce chaptire, ami!
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Bi-Annual Evaluation
"In the case that the team had a mission requiring one member to potentially sacrifice himself/herself, list the attributes you possess that make you the best candidate for the job."
Detective Martin Deeks: My attributes can be summed up in three words—Hetty chose me.
Nothing I could write about my abilities would ever propel me to the level reached by the individuals with whom I serve. The fact that I remain on the team must mean that my shortcomings do not endanger them or the missions we are presented with. To pretend that I could make an argument for my superiority would be true humor, and humor would be inappropriate here. I can, however, speak to the value of each agent to the team as a whole, and show that it could not run effectively with any of them serving as a sacrifice. So take me.
I am not the best or bravest, but I am confident that my team would figure out a way to bring me back. They are more than my team; they are my family. Here's why I believe in them:
G. Callen—Never have I met a man with more integrity. Callen could not make a decision that was detrimental to his team or to his country. His moral code is admirable, and his ability to solve problems is without equal. He is thoughtful, careful, and compassionate. It has been my honor to learn from him over the years. The team would be crippled without his guidance and impeccable decision-making skills. Don't ask us to sacrifice him.
As Callen finished reading, he was overcome with emotion. Hearing what Deeks thought of him was both surprising and humbling. Kensi leaned over and hugged him tightly until he regained his composure. He reached out and put his hand on Deeks' arm, wishing the two could share a laugh over his show of feelings. They continued reading:
Sam Hanna—Never have I met a man who fights more fiercely for the things he cares about. Sam's capacity for affection is matched only by his strength, and he uses them both to serve this great nation that he loves. He has high expectations so that we are always striving to improve, and he accepts nothing but the best from his team or himself. Sam is the epitome of a father figure—stern guidance tempered with concern and caring. I am humbled by the example he sets. Don't ask his country, his team, or his family to sacrifice him.
Sam had waited until he got home that evening to read the forms with Michelle by his side. After the first sentence that followed his name, Michelle had to finish reading aloud. She had only seen her husband this emotional three times: at the birth of each of their two children, and when she had been rescued from Sidorov. When he regained his composure, Sam told Michelle what he had learned at the hospital about the abuse Deeks suffered as a child at the hand of his father. Michelle knew the disdain her husband felt for Deeks at first had evolved into gratitude, then respect, and finally affection. This didn't surprise Michelle at all, since she agreed with Marty's assessment of her man.
Nell Jones: Never have I met a more intelligent, intuitive person. Nell has an uncanny talent for connecting facts, figures, people, and clues. She will soon be able to handle herself as well in the field as she can as an intelligence analyst. However, her greatest gift is knowing just who needs a nudge, a hug, a smile, or an Oreo. Don't ask Eric to sacrifice her.
Eric Beale: Never have I met a more resourceful person. Eric can literally make mountains out of molehills. He can track anything that moves, and gain access to any computer program on the planet, regardless of the security. Eric is a peace lover, and uses his knowledge to help the team arrive at a peaceful solution whenever possible. He is a surprising soul who loves video games, surfing, and Oreos. Don't ask Nell to sacrifice him.
Eric and Nell sometimes felt like the only kids who weren't invited to the big party. Their security clearance was higher than that of some of the team members, yet they weren't always given respect because they stayed safely at the mission most of the time. Deeks had always treated them well—maybe because he was an outsider for awhile himself. When Eric and Nell had first read the form this morning before coming to the hospital, both were touched deeply that Deeks had included them in his assessment of the team. Their invitation to the party had come.
Kensi was not surprised that Marty had included them. She loved the way he treated everyone with care, from diplomats to the homeless. He not only saw those who were invisible, but he also had the knack of enabling others to see them as well.
There was one more description to read. Kensi looked at Deeks fighting for his life, and she was afraid to read on. These all sounded like eulogies to her. What if they had to write a eulogy for him? The thought took all the air out of the room, and Kensi found it impossible to draw a deep breath. Callen reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. "Together?" he asked. She nodded, almost imperceptibly.
Kensi Blye: I have never met a more perfect person. Perfectly deadly, perfectly adaptable, perfectly adorable. She is a kaleidoscope with endless combinations of talent, skill, and beauty. She can send a shot to your heart from 20 away yards while hurling a knife at your pupil. She can portray a Portuguese pop star or a naive country girl to perfection, convincing you with a twinkle of her brown eyes. She can shock you with a laughing snort or a roundhouse kick. Just when you think she could not be any better, she is. She doesn't always know what she wants, but when she figures it out, she always gets it. She is everything I have dreamed of, yet more than I deserve: sunshine and gunpowder. I won't sacrifice her again. Take me.
At the bottom of the page, where the team members were to be ranked in order of importance to the team, Deeks had put the final nail in his own coffin. He used the following rankings:
Marty Deeks
Detective M. A. Deeks
Deeks, Martin
NCIS Liaison Marty D.
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Callen and Kensi did not speak for a long while. Kensi laid her head on Callen's shoulder as she cried, and he kissed the top of her head. It was obvious that Deeks had a hard time trying to remain professional as he filled out the form, but then his emotions were evident in most of his actions.
Finally, Callen spoke to one of the doctors who had come in to check on Deeks' progress. "Are there any changes today? Is he still on track to be taken off the ventilator tomorrow?"
"There have been no setbacks today, and that's probably the best we can hope for. Dr. Asana will look over his chart in the morning and make the final decision, but it's best for him to start breathing on his own as soon as possible," he said.
"Will he wake up then?" Kensi asked.
"That's hard to predict, with the head injury and overall trauma he sustained," replied the doctor.
Around 7:30, Sam and Michelle walked in the room. They had come to sit with Marty while Kensi and Callen got a bite to eat, and to try and convince Kensi to go home for a little while. Kensi was showing Michelle Deeks' wounds and describing his condition when Callen pulled Sam aside.
"So, did you read the evaluation forms?' he asked.
"Yeah, G. I did. Man, that really got to me," he said, tapping his heart with his fist. "Hey, man, so we both ranked each other third? Are we cool?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing," said Callen.
"I watched him get tortured, G. He was called weak, and I had just questioned his character. The type of pain he endured was unimaginable, especially when he was protecting someone who just disrespected him. He never wavered, though, never gave in. As hard as it was for me to watch, it was hell for him to go through. A man who would lay down his life for a teammate—many SEALS wouldn't have been able to withstand someone taking a drill to their mouth. I felt like I owed it to him."
"I just like the way he thinks," said Callen by way of explanation. "I totally trust all three of you. It goes without saying that you've got my back and I've got yours. "
"So, we're cool?" repeated Sam.
"Yeah, we're cool," answered Callen, grasping Sam's hand as they clapped each other on the shoulder.
"Wonder if Kensi's pissed we both put her fourth?" wondered Sam.
"None of us was ready to see her chosen for a solo op anytime soon," said Callen as they watched her sit down and take Deeks' hand again. No one was surprised that although she agreed to go have a bite to eat and go home to get some more clean clothes, she refused to leave the hospital for the night.
"Michelle, I haven't even thanked you for picking up Monty and taking him to your house. It will mean a lot to Deeks that Cam is looking after his precious pooch."
"He moped around for a day or so, but he's eating again," said Michelle. "Sam even threw a ball for him to chase today," she laughed. "Now you two go on, and we'll stay here with Marty until you get back. Callen, Joelle called and she cooked something for the two of you so you don't have to eat out again. Scoot on over there now—she's waiting for you."
Callen and Kensi each drove their own cars to Jo's so that Kensi could get back to the hospital after eating. Kensi and Joelle had not spent much time together, so Kensi was touched that Joelle would go to this trouble for her. "You are so thoughtful to do this," Kensi said earnestly as she hugged Joelle after following Callen inside.
"That's my girl," said Callen with a wink to Joelle.
"I can't do much to help, but I am happy to offer you a break from take out," she smiled. She had fixed a salad and chicken fettuccini, keeping it light and quick. Kensi thanked her again and left as soon as the meal was finished, apologizing for hurrying off. "I understand. If it were Callen in the hospital, I'd want to be there for him, too," Jo said.
When Kensi left, Callen pulled Jo into a tight hug. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, Jo, but I am going to try not to mess this up," he said. The events of the past three days had made them all appreciate those who were close to them, and Callen was no exception. Jo could sense the emotion he was feeling, and wondered if she would ever get used to the idea that every day when he went to work, there was a chance he might not come back. She had colleagues who were married to police officers and firemen, and she had heard them talk about it before. Jo had to be careful, however, not to mention his real line of work, making it hard to find a support group. Tonight, though, her focus was on this man she was still falling for. "I was wondering, since I know you've had a grueling couple of days, if you'd…..like to stay here tonight? I'd really like to be close to you."
"Jo, there's nowhere I'd rather be, and no one I'd rather be with," he answered, cupping her face and leaning in for a long, slow kiss.
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Kensi had grabbed some things at her place, then high-tailed it back to the hospital. The nurse who had worked the desk last night was there again, and greeted her with a smile. "I see they pried you away from here for a little while," she said.
"Well, he was in good hands, and he's had a good day," Kensi replied.
Michelle was applying the chapstick that Kensi left to Deeks' lips when Kensi walked back in. "Your boy has been getting some pampering," said Sam.
"Are you jealous, Sam?" teased Kensi.
"Hey, after the kids get their share, all I get are leftovers," he pouted.
"All right, you big baby, tell Kensi what the doctor said, and I will take you home and pamper you!" grinned Michelle.
"Well," Sam began, "Deeks is holding his own, and his temperature is 99 now. Looks like he will be taken off the ventilator in the morning."
"And…" prompted Michelle. Kensi looked from one to the other, her eyes wide with hope.
"And," continued Sam, "he actually responded to a voice command earlier. The doctor told him to squeeze his hand, and he did!"
Kensi's heart leapt for joy. "Oh, that's wonderful! Did it happen more than once?"
"Nah, just the one time, but he said over the next couple of days it will be important to talk to him to alleviate confusion as he regains consciousness. He even suggested playing music that he likes."
"Wow," said Kensi. This is all great news, you guys!" She went over and stroked Deeks' hand, wishing he would wake up at her touch, like Sleeping Beauty woke at the prince's kiss. After Sam and Michelle said their goodbyes, Kensi settled in the chair at his side and tried to get him to respond to her. She tried to convince herself she felt a twitch of his hand a couple of times, but there was nothing significant. While she was waiting her eyes began to droop, and she eventually laid her head back in the chair with her fingers still entwined in his. When the doctor and nurse came back to check on their patient half an hour later, they woke her to go back to room 207 and rest more comfortably. Kensi would only do this, of course, after they promised to come and get her if Deeks moved a muscle.
Early the next morning while she waited for Dr. Asana to arrive, Hetty and Eric came in the room. The three waited anxiously while the doctor looked over the chart from the past day, and evaluated Deeks' current condition. They were happy when the she announced she would remove the breathing tube, and ecstatic when the procedure was completed without any problem. "Now, I want everyone who comes by to talk to him, and when there's no talking, I want music played. Got it?" she asked, knowing this group would do anything to see their friend awake.
""Loud and clear. I was wondering, Dr. Asana, with the type of head wound Marty has suffered, what side effects might we expect when he regains consciousness? I want everyone prepared," said Hetty.
"Well, there could be a number of issues related to speech, memory, mood, or impulse control depending on the amount of swelling," the doctor answered.
"Could any of those be permanent?" asked Kensi.
"It is possible, but unlikely. This is the kind of thing where we just have to wait and see," she said. "I know that's not what anyone wants to hear, but it is best to be realistic," she answered.
So, they talked. The three recounted the first time they met Deeks, during an operation involving drugs in an MMA gym that NCIS and LAPD both worked, naturally resulting in friction. As each one had time alone with Deeks, they talked about a variety of subjects. Eric discussed surfing techniques and venues. Hetty discussed the importance of Deeks becoming an agent, and told a few tales from her own early days (they included some facts she would never have shared if Deeks had been conscious.) Kensi talked of trips they would take together, and even told him some raunchy jokes she had been memorizing to make him laugh. God, she longed to hear him laugh!
Kensi went by Deeks' place to get his phone so she could play music from his playlist during the few times no one was talking to him. She found Donny and Marie, the Beach Boys, and James Taylor, among others. Not sure she could listen to the first two for very long, Kensi chose James Taylor's Greatest Hits. The music was so mellow that it started to lull her to sleep. Even though it was getting late and the others had gone, Kensi wasn't ready to leave and go to bed. To keep awake, she started to dance to the smooth rhythm of "Something in the Way She Moves." She hung on to the bedrails like a ballet barre, stretching her sore muscles in plié before rising and sliding her leg through passé to developé. She closed her eyes and listened.
Something in the way she moves,
Or looks my way, or calls my name,
That seems to leave this troubled world behind.
And if I'm feeling down and blue,
Or troubled by some foolish game,
She always seems to make me change my mind.
As the song continued to the chorus, Kensi was mesmerized by the soulful tone of James Taylor's voice, joined with another voice….wait, whose voice? She opened her eyes as Deeks sang:
And I feel fine anytime she's around me now,
She's around me now
Almost all the time
And if I'm well you can tell she's been with me now,
She's been with me now quite a long, long time
And I feel fine.