Chapter eleven -
Throwing the hotel room keys on her dressing table, Rose wasn't surprised to find her hotel bedroom empty. Everything was how she had left it before they had left for dinner proving her husband was obviously still out God knows where. She sighed as she still felt her heart beating wildly, her excitement from the nights events obviously hadn't settled in yet. She glanced around the room, it was like a showroom. The bed so uninviting with umpteen amounts of pillows on for show. She could smell the wood, the freshness of the room. She didn't know what time it was but it was almost midnight or perhaps just past, she knew that much. She could still taste the fries and she smiled. It was a reminder of the great night, of the many great things which she had experienced since her friendship with Jack Dawson had begun. Rose had only returned to the room for several minutes before a knock sounded on her door. She opened it to find Trudy fully dressed.
''Thank goodness!'' She scurried inside. ''I have been waiting for your return. Your mother said you would follow shortly and then you never came.''
Rose felt guilty. Her voice was low. ''I'm sorry.''
Trudy immediately began to unbutton the back of her dress, the usual routine for getting her ready for bed. Rose paused for a moment.
''I was with Jack.'' The words fell from her mouth before she could stop them. It was a sheer relief to say the words out loud. She felt Trudy stop unbuttoning the dress for a moment and she knew she would be thinking awful thoughts. She bit the inside of her lip as she continued. ''He took me dancing.''
Trudy was still silent. She knew this would happen somewhere along the lines. There was something quite undeniable about the pair. Rose seemed to have had her eyes opened that night to something which she knew was there all along. It was as though she had been shielded by something for so long but she didn't know what it was.
''Do you think I am playing with fire?''
She felt Trudy pull at her final button before she helped Rose to slip her arms from the garment.
''As a friend Trudy, I need your thoughts.''
Trudy picked the dress up from the floor. She found a padded coat hanger and carefully draped it over it to be took for the washroom began to button it back up.
''You are playing with fire.'' She spoke quietly.
''I can't seem to stop.''
Rose removed her jewellery feeling relief as she took off each piece and simply placed them on the dressing table. She didn't bother to wrap them back up and place them into the wooden jewellery box which had been bought especially for all of the valuables.
''I know how much I value Jack's friendship. But Cal, he is my husband.''
Trudy came to Rose and turned her gently. She began to unlace her corset. ''Mr Hockley is a fine man...but perhaps he is not the man for you.''
Rose felt as though she had been strangled. A hand constantly around her throat and now it had closed and her airwaves had been crushed. The realisation had hit her, hard.
''Oh Trudy, you are right.''
''But you are a married woman now.''
Rose bowed her head. ''I am,'' She sighed heavily. ''Jack is everything I could ever want in a husband.'' She whispered.
''But money is absent.'' Trudy quipped quickly.
She felt the tugging as Trudy continued to pull at the laces. It seemed to be bringing her back to her reality and waking her up from the things she seemed to have been sleeping on for a long time. Rose put her hands around the front of the corset so that it didn't fall straight to the ground once it was unlaced.
She took a deep breath. ''But money isn't everything. Isn't love worth so much more?''
''I believe so. That is if love is present.''
Tears came to Rose's eyes. She felt as though she had been shook awake from a long drawn out dream where everything was hazy but now it was so clear. She hadn't discussed any of this with Jack. She didn't even know what his feelings regarding anything like this were. She struggled with her thoughts, with everything in her head.
''Thank you Trudy. You now may leave.''
Trudy knew that Rose was fighting with something but she knew the best thing to do was to leave her be. She needed to figure this out alone and Rose was still her employer.
''Yes.'' She left immediately. ''Good night.''
Rose clicked the door shut before her. Her mind was so much more muddled than it had been just minutes before. Just how much more could her head tangle itself?
She leant against the door, her bare back exposed to the coolness of the wood. It woke her senses. She leant her head against the door and felt the pins dig into her head. She threw the corset to the ground, stepped out of her undergarments and threw them also. She pulled at the pins in her hair which were like nails digging in deeper and drawing blood from her head. She threw them onto the dressing table and shook her hair free. She had been suppressed for so long she needed some sort of freedom. She sagged against the door again this time completely naked. She relished the feel of freedom and the coolness. She learnt her head back against it and rolled her head around and rested her left ear on the door. She closed her eyes for a moment; there was silence and peace...
Then she could hear footsteps. They were quick and they approached her door. A low knock followed, she gasped and grabbed the first thing she could find which was her cream dressing gown which was draped over the chair of her dressing table. She tied the robe and flicked her hair over her left shoulder in an attempt to neaten it. Her nipples were hard beneath the material and she hoped it wasn't Cal. Seeing her dressed like this would sure enough arouse him, they hadn't made love for several days and she had grown to find simple excuses to avoid such things.
She opened the door an inch, to see Jack stood there. She opened the door wider to allow him to enter the bedroom.
''Hello Jack.''
She crossed her arms over her chest.
''I came to let you know Cal fell asleep on a chair in the reception area after going to a gentleman's cub on Fifth Avenue.'' He took a deep breath. ''I put him to sleep in my bed, he was so drunk he didn't know where we were.''
She felt Jack was telling her it was all right, that he didn't know that they had been dancing. That they'd had a wonderful night and opened her eyes to God knows what else which was running around her mind. Their secret was safe. Nobody knew any different and they could continue their pretence. She smiled weakly.
Jack had rolled his sleeves up since he had left Rose. His braces were around his legs and his hair was natural without wax and it fell into his eyes the way it had always done. His shirt was unbuttoned a few inches down from the top and her eyes seemed to settle there for a moment onto his chest.
''I don't wish to know what my husband has been up to.''
Jack could see the look on her face, her care had gone. She turned to walk around the side of the bed towards the window. She felt she had to put some distance between them. They could both feel something there between them. Their eyes met but then they looked away, the power too much for both of them. But they didn't know what it was. Jack began to back away from her and he clicked the door closed. She realised he had more to say, the air between them felt much more different than it had done before. It was so much stronger and seemed to be drawing her closer and closer to him. She began to back towards the window in order to get more air. She felt so tight and breathless. He came towards her a little; he didn't know what to say.
Her dressing gown fell away from her chest exposing the top part of her cleavage. She steadied her breathing as she saw his eyes travel to her there; she knew he had struggled with the same as she did.
''Oh God Rose.'' He whispered breathlessly.
He hadn't thought of anything for a while other than her, she had been in his head since the first day he had met her and now it seemed to be coming to a head. His feelings were almost too big and too much for him to control. He steps closer to her, running his fingers through his hair.
''What is happening here, Jack?'' She asked slowly and quietly.
He knew that she was acknowledging something too. There was so much between them. It was like an electric buzz growing louder and louder and getting stronger and stronger until it was deafening to them. They didn't know if it would go away or if it would continue. The only way it grew weaker was when they stepped closer to each other. She came towards him just once, a small and hesitant step. She was so lost in his face, those eyes that she trusted so much. He couldn't stop looking at her, she had exposed so much of her décolletage. His heartbeat grew stronger and quicker. He threw caution to the wind and placed his left hand on the flat of her face, she closed her eyes for just a second to take in the moment. He stroked it against her soft skin, she felt the flutters, the beautiful feeling which she knew she would only ever have with Jack.
He leant forward and kissed her just once on the lips. Barely grazing but the touch was still there. The buzz grew weaker and weaker. She sagged with relief against his body, but now she felt like she needed more.
She touched her lips with her index finger as he pulled away from her. They had opened a can of worms and it would get worse from here on out. The longing and the ache wouldn't grow duller but purer and stronger. He kept his hand on his cheek and slowly leant forward. He kissed the right side of her neck, so tenderly to the point where she shivered with weakness. Her whole body was ready to crumple beneath him. Her nipples hardened so much. She had never felt like way before from a single kiss. The way Cal had touched her was nothing compared to the feeling she had right now.
He trailed kissed just to the top of her shoulder before he stopped. He pulled away seeing her eyes flutter open. She was so breathless. He stopped himself from kissing her again, knowing he wouldn't be able to stop.
''This feels right.''
She squeezed her eyes closed, leaning against him. She didn't want him to talk but she was glad he did. If he hadn't, she would be in his arms as he carried her to the marital bed where she should be laid with her own husband.
''Jack, this is impossible.'' She tried to push him away but she couldn't. He made her weaker.
''Listen to me. You've got a strong, pure heart, and you're the most amazingly astounding girl I've ever known.''
'' Jack, I'' She struggled with listening to his words.
'' No wait. Let me try to get this out. You're amazing... and I know I have nothing to offer you, Rose. I know that. But I'm involved now.''
Rose felt the tears coming to her eyes. Jack was so open and real... not like anyone she has ever known. This was the moment she had played over and over in her head. The one which she pictured would be the most perfect moment in her life. It felt like something from a dime novel she had read, the ones that really ache your heart.
''You're making this very hard. I'll be fine. Really.''
''I don't think so. They've got you in a glass jar like some butterfly, and you're going to die if you don't break out. Maybe not right away, because you're strong. But sooner or later the fire in you is going to go out.''
He placed his palm on her cheek again and she prayed that he would not kiss her again for she would not be able to stop. She was scared of what would happen, of how strong her feelings would grow. She was terrified already.
''It's not up to you to save me, Jack.'' She was firm.
''You're right. Only you can do that.''
She touched his hand for a moment, keeping the warmth and trying to capture the moment in her head, to keep the memory and to remember just how perfect this moment felt. Was this what love felt like? The intensity of a single stare was magnificent.
''Jack,'' A tear fell from her eye. ''You need to leave me alone, for both our sake.'' She removed his hand from her face and pulled her dressing gown together.
His eyes seemed to die a little. She turned to the window and squeezed her eyes closed as he left. That's when the ache started...